"Lyra gets the goods" part 1 (by Tosety)
Lyra wobbled a bit as she stepped forwards, balancing on her hind hooves. Her forehooves were hidden by the sleeves of the trench coat and the mask of a human face hovered in her mint green aura an inch from her face.
“G’day mates,” She greeted the pony guards at the portal.
The guards nodded a greeting to her as she awkwardly walked past. “Have a nice trip back, Human McHumanface.”
Lyra stepped through the portal and felt the familiar magics toss her between worlds. She landed roughly on the human side of the portal and fell to all fours, her magical aura slipping and dropping her mask for a brief moment.
She quickly stood up and fixed the position of her mask. “How’s it hanging, homeboys?”
The guards stared in confusion.
“What?”
Lyra started sweating, afraid their confusion was evidence that her cover was blown. “Just, uh, crashing at my pad, ya smell me?”
The guards looked at each other as they both tried to figure out what to say.
“Tee Tee Eff En,” Lyra stammered out as she turned and walked as fast as her two legged balance allowed.
“Was that...” one guard asked carefully.
“A pony? Yeah,” the other guard replied.
“Was she talking slang at us?”
“I don’t even know anymore. I don’t think it’s healthy to question what those ponies do.”
Lyra approached her contact in the human world at one of their ‘farmer’s markets’.
“Hey, Sarah, I got the goods,” Lyra said in a whisper, opening her trenchcoat to reveal bunches of carrots and celery. “Equestrian grade, certified earth pony grown.”
Sarah facepalmed. “Quit acting suspicious. Just set the bag under the table.”
“You got the cash?” Lyra asked, pulling the trenchcoat closed.
“Of course. One hundred dollars for six pounds of carrots and four pounds of celery. Just hurry up and put them down. I don’t want a cop seeing you dressed like that.” She pulled five twenties out of her till and passed them over.
Lyra, having seen the cash for herself, busied herself getting the produce out of her coat and under Sarah’s table.
Lyra glanced around the aisle before quickly levitating several economy size boxes of single-serve doritos, chips, candy bars, and other assorted snack foods into her carriage.
A case of Coca-Cola rose into the air before falling a few inches as a case of Pepsi overtook it. The two warred in Lyra’s magical aura as she tried to decide.
“Buck it,” Lyra whispered to herself as she placed both into the carriage.
She stopped her rapidly filling cart as she spotted a jumbo bag of “Gummy Bears”. Her eyes widened and she reverently levitated the bag into the cart, not noticing the child staring at her from the end of the aisle.
The cashier watched the exceptionally strange pony ‘walk’ up to the register.
“Shalom,” Lyra greeted, waving a glove at the cashier before attempting to move her purchases to the belt.
After a few failed attempts, she lit her horn and used her telekinesis to assist her hooves in picking up the items.
The cashier tried to ignore the fact that the pony’s badly disguised hooves were a good three inches away from the purchases she was lifting as she rang up the purchase.
“So, how about that weather?” Lyra said, attempting small talk.
“Uhhh... sunny?” the cashier replied.
“Yeah, and those Lions! They’re doing great this season!” Lyra continued.
“Huh? I thought they lost to the Patriots.” The cashier countered. “Well, anyway, your total is $85.42.”
“Oh, uhm, yeah.” Lyra started sweating as she pulled out her bit purse and levitated her newly acquired cash.
The increasingly confused cashier accepted the money out of Lyra’s aura and proceeded to make the proper change.
An agitated Lyra took the change and receipt and galloped out of the store, carriage of snack food in tow behind her.
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This is comedy Gold! Reading this gave me a good laugh! I liked the snickers chapter the most.
7584745
glad you liked it
let us know if there's any snacks you'd like to see here and we'll see what we can do
Yeah, this seems about right.
So if sugar has that much of an impact, what does salted snacks do to a pony? The equivalent of alcohol? If they do have an effect then I would suggest salt and vinegar chips and cracked pistachios. Simply because the street name for pistachios can be crack.
Oh, salted chocolate covered potato chips. Yes, this is an actual thing that exists. What would be the impact on ponies?
And lets not forget, girl scout cookies. An entire global organization of militarized little girls peddling their samosas and thin mints onto an unprepared Equestria. It'll be a massacre. You'll have 11 year olds living like Columbia drug lords, compromised security officers (please daddy, let me sell to the pretty ponies), cookie kingpins controlling vast smuggling networks in both Earth and Equestria. The Princesses would be powerless to stop these monsters. The horror, the horror!
7586182
yes, salt effects ponies like alcohol
hmmm..... girl scout dealers.... will need to ponder that
7585905
Yes, she's a thestral with a unicorn horn, but she's only a side character right now in Into the Rift Not really sure how much exposure she'll get, as she's about as important as Doctor Emerald is in the original Memoirs of a Reality Jumper, but she'll almost certainly get some more time in these more silly stories.
Lunas addiction to chocolate covered peanuts and a curiously named moon pies?
And a reciprocal Celsetias addiction to starburst, and Twinkies?
7587008
oh no, Celestia won't touch human snack foods; there is a reason why... Equestria has banned them.
Human cake causes ponies to gain weight and she doesn't want... her ponies to get fat flanks.
7587163 well its a Illicit addiction, and its not like heads of state don't bend the rules for themselves. How many presidents do you think may have had a box of cuben cigars stashed somewhere. Or something else thats innocuous and banned .
Just once I want to read about a pony trying a bag of Pop Rocks. Or the CMC getting their hooves on some Mentos.
7587215
I think you miss the implications of how she'd realize that human cake makes "ponies" fat
7588771 ahh so its a plot device...gotcha
and a addiction still is a addiction. You could have the sister's complaining about why they had to stop
7588784
Celestia: "Don't you dare call me- oh... that plot..."
7587842
ponies and pop rocks.....
maybe the flower trio?
7589473
May Celestia have mercy on their souls if that happens.
Sure but not Maud Pie. She might think somepony is eating a relative of her sweet little Boulder.
Oh, I just had a bad thought. Flutter ponies and pixie sticks and/or Zecora with zebra cakes.