Act 3 Chapter 52 : The Dead Working
"Rules are made to be broken. This is doubly true in Equestria. While the most orderly of mindsets might demand that physics, economics, life, death, and baking generally maintain a consistent set of rules, orderly mindsets have a long and well established history of going barking mad when confronted with the realities of our time.
Indeed, there is an entire wing of the Glowing Skies Home For The Differently Sane dedicated to housing those who've snapped under the pressures of living in a world whose supposedly fundamental rules are extremely malleable. After a succession of treatments failed, Princess Celestia was called upon. In her infinite wisdom, she placed the patients of that ward in charge of creating a coherent financial strategy for the Equestrian government. The outcome was one of the largest budget surpluses in history and some of the finest macaroni art in the known world.
Rules may exist to be broken, but in a world where death is frequently optional, taxes remain an immutable fact of living.
-The Scholar
Nightmare’s hooves hurt and she was desperately tired of running. Running was what ponies who couldn’t move celestial bodies about did when confronted with giant spider demons. It ill befitted a goddess, even one who’d come down in the world a bit.
“Move your flank, Moonie! That’s my grandson’s body you’re slacking with!” Bones called from somewhere just ahead.
“I am moving, you despicable corpse!” she shouted at the barely visible shadow several meters ahead ahead of her. She’d have lost him long ago, were it not for the bobbing blue light leading the way.
Behind them, one of the towering arachnid monsters let out a bellow of rage that sounded like squealing car brakes as it charged after the fleeing ponies. Its great, spindly legs thumped across the tops of cubicles, crushing a hapless stapler under one giant claw.
“I thought you killed those things!” Nightmare called into the fog.
“Killed a few!” Bones replied, “This place is huge, and we never managed to hurt anything in here permanently. You wanna complain or you wanna run?!”
“I want to know we are not running to our deaths! What is your plan?!”
“It wasn’t me who bumped into the economy sized creepy crawly! You come up with the plan for a change!”
“I am thinking with a bowl of rum-drenched bread pudding instead of a brain!” Nightmare snarled, her hooves pounding at the carpet as she raced after the skeleton’s quickly vanishing figure.
Behind her, the spider creature’s claws skittered atop a cubicle far too close for comfort. She felt something brush her tail and squeaked, putting on another burst of speed. The ache in her legs was becoming unbearable, but fear drove her on. It was almost enough to make her miss the moment when the world suddenly became completely silent.
Something snapped out of one of the nearby cubicles and wrapped around her throat, yanking her sideways. She squirmed as the appendage tightened. Kicking her trigger bit, she tried to snap it out of mid-air with her teeth, but a quick slap across the cheek sent it flopping against her leg. Nightmare’s ears drooped and she went limp, waiting for the beast to take the first bite out of her.
After a long moment, there was still no sound. That was odd. She’d never been eaten before, but she always sort of suspected it would hurt more, or that there would be some chomping sounds.
Carefully and wondering if the act might earn her a crushed skull, she opened one eye.
Bones was crouched up against the wall of the cubicle across from her, skull tilted back as though looking at something overhead. Lifting her gaze, she felt her breath stall. The spider was just above them, swinging its acid-dripping head back and forth as though scanning the horizon.
The creature’s black thorax was barely a meter from her face, sporting a dozen dangling legs and a wicked looking stinger. Rows of eyes up and down either side were blinking at the distance. It twisted in place, moving one direction, then the other. A slow dribble of stinking saliva dripped onto the desk below.
After a seeming eternity, the abomination shut most of its eyes and moved off into the fog as quickly as it’d come. Whatever limb was wrapped around Nightmare’s neck slowly relaxed. Her fear-fogged senses returned slightly, just enough for her to notice the heartbeat and hot breath over her ear. She quickly leaped away, yanking her trigger up into her teeth, only to find herself pointing the Crusader at a familiar baby-blue face.
“Limerence Tome!” she exclaimed, then realized her voice didn’t seem to be working. Limerence’s horn was letting off a faint glow as he held one leg above it to keep the light from traveling. He carefully sat, putting his hoof to his lips before letting his horn light fade.
Sound returned in a rush, though it took her a moment to realize her breathing wasn’t really quite so loud as it seemed. From somewhere nearby, a spider beast roared, followed a second later by an answering call from further off. Their great, lumbering steps shook the walls as they lurched away, still hunting their elusive prey.
Nightmare waited until she couldn’t make out even the thumping footsteps of the terrible monsters before slumping onto her front legs, panting softly.
“This has been a wholly unpleasant experience of corporeality and I would like to end it as quickly as possible,” she moaned, pulling her trenchcoat high around her ears and burying her face in the lining.
Limerence glanced at Bones. “That doesn’t...sound like Hard Boiled.”
“It’s not,” Bones replied, slumping into the chair by the desk and spinning in a slow circle. “Nightmare Moon left a little brain worm in his mind that took over when whatever is controlling ponies in here snapped him up. I suspect it’s not the first time. He was acting right funny when he delivered me that checklist...mercy, was that yesterday?”
“I was simply puppetting his body whilst he was asleep,” Nightmare hissed, then looked up fearfully to make sure she hadn’t alerted any of the monsters. “I am meant to provide logistical and operational support. This...vile ghost who operates his central nervous system while squatting in his heart has shoved me into a state of...of biological manifestation! I am feeling pain! I was not meant to feel pain!”
Limerence’s horn lit up, and he directed a thin beam of light over the possessed stallion’s forehead.
“Hmmm...aha. Well, that is most unfortunate. Hard Boiled is in a similar condition to myself. His brain is quite empty. Moreso than usual, though I do see some slight activity in his memory centers,” Limerence mused, tugging his pocket watch out and quickly checking the time remaining. “Ah, down to an hour...”
“Wait, come again? He’s in a similar condition to what?” Bones asked. “Speaking of that, you look mighty chipper for somepony who should be pushing paper until the carpet eats you.”
“Oh, I am as mind controlled as every other poor soul who has stumbled into this pitcher plant. I simply have a contingency plan. My higher brain functions are running off of this,” the librarian replied, spinning his watch around his hoof before tucking it back into his waistcoat and wiping a bit of blood which hadn’t quite dried off on the wall. “Sadly, it is only a temporary measure. If we cannot escape within the hour, I will return to ‘pushing paper until the carpet eats me’. What are we to do about her?”
“You shall do nothing about me!” Nightmare snapped, standing a little straighter and sticking her nose in the air. “I am here to accomplish my task, and then I intend to abandon this...this disgusting, fleshy existence post-haste!”
Limerence slipped a knife out of his bandolier and casually set it spinning end over end in his telekinetic grasp. “Mister Bones...Hard Boiled heals from nearly any injury we’ve tested upon his person. I do have a certain amount of experience with magical possession, if you’d like me to—”
“Nawww, Mister Tome,” Bones let out a sound of crackling leaves that was something approximating a sigh. “I had the same thought. She near widdled on herself when I hit a pressure point in her back. I wasn’t even being particularly rough about it. If she could get out of that body, she would. I suspect we’d just lose Hard Boiled the second she did, too, leastways as long as we’re still in here.”
“Why does it seem that all of Hard Boiled’s closest companions are cheerfully willing to inflict violence upon his person?!” Nightmare hissed, looking back and forth between the two as she backed against the wall and tucked her tail between her back legs.
“You possessed a pony who may be the most dangerous single individual in all the histories I have ever read, Miss…shall I call you Miss Moon?” Limerence asked, cocking his head as he slipped the knife back into its holster.
“That...that will suit,” she muttered, then shook herself. “What about him is dangerous? He is a drunk. A foolish, importunely idealistic, masochistic drunk.”
“True,” Lim replied, pulling the hems of his waistcoat. “However, those facts do not make him any less a pitiless storm when opposed. I have observed him for some time now, in all manner of circumstances, and while he may project the image of an affable, though extremely persistent buffoon, I have a suspicion that there are many things he does not see fit to tell us. You would do well to remember the graveyards filled with his enemies. He might not pull the trigger, but don’t be surprised if you find him somewhere in the background of any massacre, measuring bodies for coffins.”
If Nightmare’s ears hadn’t already been pinned straight back, they would have.
“He...he would not consider me an enemy, w-would he?” she asked, nervously. “I do not wish to experience death. My calculations suggest it would hurt.”
“If you make plans to keep that body or prevent him from getting justice for Detrot, I would have my funerary arrangements already in place,” the librarian said, jerking his horn toward the desk. “Now then, as we are short of time, did either of you have a coherent plan? I was headed toward the control room. I believe us to be close.”
“I won’t pretend to understand the math, but Nighty here seems to think there’s some even distribution of the corpses in the cubicles that somehow gave her a direction to head in.”
Nightmare tried to regain some of her composure. “Y-yes! I mean...certainly! The dead ponies and their remains appear to follow a simple arithmetic. I assume it is to do with efficient distribution of the nutrient fog.”
“Nutrient...fog?” Limerence asked, smacking his lips a couple of times as he looked up at the blanketing cloud. “This mist is some form of...sustenance?”
“Moonie here made friends with a P.A.C.T. jackboot that was apparently part of an earlier excursion into this place,” Bones explained, “She’d been in here for a long, long time. Don’t know if she was one of the first or not, but...her mind was damn near gone. Maybe they were feeding the troopers to this place to keep it running or maybe they were using it to dispose of ponies who weren’t useful to them, but there must have been something keeping them alive. This ‘fog’ is as good an explanation as any. I haven’t been in here since the Office was dormant.”
“Ah, yes. That would make a certain amount of sense. My own method involved a bit of magical measurement, but it suggested the shape of the structure is an ovoid. We should move quickly. Have either of you seen Miss Taxi?”
Bones and Nightmare exchanged an uneasy look. Limerence’s perpetual frown deepened further.
“I will take that to mean you have,” he said, hiking the strap holding his staff higher on his shoulders. “As she is not with us, am I to understand she has been...taken?”
“Aye, she was. She’ll keep, for now, but my grandson has my stubborn streak. We’ll have to get her on the way out,” Bones replied.
“In the years you studied the Office, did you ever discern what this ‘work’ might be?” Nightmare asked, gesturing at the desk, the living stapler, and the stack of paper sitting in the upper corner.
“We translated some of the controls, but aside that? Diddly. Seems like this place works toward whatever task you set it to. If you want to know anything else, you’d have to ask Apple Bloom. This was her private romping ground,” Bones answered, then turned back to Limerence. “Now, Mister Tome. How long do you think you can keep that sound dampening spell going?”
“Not indefinitely, but longer than it will take us to escape or die, assuming we waste no more time.”
“Then throw us a silence and point me in the direction of control.”
Limerence’s horn flared, and Nightmare staggered as the enchantment took hold, pawing at one of her ears with the tip of one hoof. Having only had her sense of hearing for a short time, it was deeply disconcerting to lose it, even briefly. The tiny glowing blue light that’d led her to the librarian popped into being on the tip of his nose, then zipped out of the cubicle and hovered in the aisle, seemingly impatient to get moving.
‘If I stay, I die, and my task is unfulfilled. Also, these two may drag me along and cause me pain. I do not like pain. If I go, I will almost certainly also die.’ Nightmare’s thoughts paused, then she added, ‘Why, oh why, must I have an internal dialogue?’
‘Stop complaining where I have to listen to you!’ Gale’s voice echoed in her head.
Nightmare couldn’t suppress a quick bounce of anticipation on her front hooves. ‘Ghost! Ghost! Where is Hard Boiled? Please tell me he is ready to retake control of this body!’
‘If he were, I’d have just let him do it! He’s stuck in some kind of dream. It’s like finding somepony at the bottom of a well. Without a rope, I’ve got no way of getting him out and if I do, the mind control field will snatch him again.’
‘Then...I am trapped in this biological bedlam until we leave the control field?!’
‘It sure seems like it. You want some dopamine? The least I can do is make you not care for a little while. It’ll be a drain, but...we’ve only got about thirty minutes anyway. Look down.’
Nightmare glanced down to find the light on her chest flashing on and off.
She wanted to curse, but found her vocabulary sadly lacking any particularly colorful epithets. She hadn’t needed them when her greater self stuffed her into the host’s brain and so was left without a way of properly expressing her fury. Bones was looking at her strangely, and she gave him and shaky nod. He quickly gestured for Limerence to get going, and the librarian took the lead, trotting out of the cubicle with the skeleton right on his heels.
Much as she wanted to cower in the corner and let the two of them handle things, she found herself moving; being left alone in the fog was ever so much worse. She chased the shadows of Limerence and Bones as they moved through the dim light.
After a couple minutes’ run, she noticed the ground starting to slope upwards at a gradually increasing curve. It wasn’t any harder to walk, but placing her legs on a curving surface was strange, particularly as she could feel the difference in how gravity played on her back half and front half at the same time. The cubicles were looking more deformed as well, like a great hand was squeezing the tops together, jamming more of them into less space. Worse, visibility was quickly dropping off. She could barely see her own hooves through the cloying mist. Still, so long as she kept Bones’s tail in sight and didn’t make any turns, she had a direction.
She was so preoccupied with following closely that she almost crashed into Limerence’s backside and only managed to backpedal at the last moment. The librarian was standing in the middle of the aisle, staring up at something just beyond her field of view. Trotting forward to join him, she beheld a strange wall with a thin line down the middle. A single button glowed softly on the wall beside it.
“Your maths led us true, Mister Tome. The control room is at the top of a sort of ‘stalk’ that sticks out over the cubes. This is the elevator. Would you do the honors?” Bones said in her mind.
She tried to respond, only to remember Limerence’s silence was still in place. Stepping up to the twin doors, Limerence quickly tapped the button, then jumped back as though they might explode. He swept his staff off his back, levitating it into a ready position between himself and the doors. Taking the cue, Nightmare picked up her trigger bit and shrugged her sleeve off the Crusader.
The doors slid open on a bone white room, just barely large enough for two ponies to stand comfortably side by side, and three to wedge in if they were willing to get intimate. Sighing, Nightmare came to a quick decision and trudged into the elevator first, hoping to be toward the back should there be a line of guns at the top waiting to blow them all to kingdom come when the doors opened. Bones scooted in front alongside and Limerence eased in after him.
The interior of the elevator didn’t merely look bone white. Nightmare experimentally tapped the surface under her hooves, and it felt exceedingly lifelike, too smooth to have been carved or cut. Overhead, a small glowing protrusion provided illumination; it put her in mind of a firefly’s abdomen, though with a more persistent brilliance.
As the elevator’s doors snapped shut and Limerence allowed his silence to drop, Nightmare breathed out into the suddenly cramped space.
“Why do you ponies do this?” Nightmare asked, trying to make herself comfortable against the wall. “Surely no life you have after all is said and done is worth this abominable experience? Hard Boiled’s psyche is one giant scar, not even to speak of that mad mare we left downstairs.”
Bones shrugged and tapped the singular, unmarked black button on the interior which resembled a beetle’s carapace with a strange symbol carved into the surface. The button might have read ‘frappe occupants’, but to Nightmare’s relief there was a gentle pressure as the elevator started to move, soundlessly rising in a fashion that felt too smooth for a mechanism.
“Can’t say as I’ve thought about it,” he replied, wiping a bit of dust off each shoulder with his toe. “The strange thing about life is that it tends to continue, whether or not you’re paying attention. Even the worst moments are only moments.”
“This from an undead who spent thirty years trapped in darkness,” Nightmare grunted.
“A damn sight better perspective than that of somepony who spent a millenium on the moon because she hit a depressive streak.”
“Ahem, mightn’t we plan our ingress?” Limerence interjected. He flicked his horn at the doors, and a thin blue light wrapped around them. “I can project a shield that should protect us from at least one volley of bullets. I do not know if I will be able to fight after that. Time is not on our side, so we must deal with the Scry as quickly as possible.”
“I’m more or less bulletproof, but I’m down to my hooves. Moonie, can you actually use that gun?” Bones asked, pointing a skeletal leg at the Crusader.
“I do not even know if I am capable of defecating! I have not had the chance to find out!” she snapped, then shut her eyes and drew in a deep breath. “I...do...understand the basic mechanical concepts, however. I believe I can provide an adequate distraction.”
“The control room is about ten meters across. If you can’t shoot something at that range, I expect you’re too dumb to shit, too,” Bones replied, then turned to the door, shaking his head as though tossing what used to be his mane out of his face. “Can I borrow one of those knives, Mister Tome?”
Limerence slipped a long bowie knife out of his harness and passed it to the skeleton, who gave it a quick flick around his hoof to test the weight.
“Get ready. We’re almost there.”
There was a subtle sensation of the elevator rotating in place, though their hooves stayed firmly planted on the scrimshaw surface that comprised the floor. Limerence plucked another knife from his collection and Bones rolled his hooves, then bounced his haunches a couple times. The elevator car slid to a quiet stop.
The doors opened on silent runners. Nightmare’s breath caught in her throat and she ducked low, pressing herself against the floor. She waited, eyes closed, listening for the first crack of gunfire.
She waited.
And waited.
And waited.
There was no spray of bullets, no clank of a grenade against the shield, and no wave of spellfire.
The faint hum of Limerence’s magic faded and died. Nightmare felt the librarian take a step, then another, into the control room. She carefully opened one eye, then sat up as Bones filed out ahead of her.
The Office control nexus reminded Nightmare of a distant memory of Hard Boiled’s in which he’d walked through the skull of a hydra during a school field trip to the Children’s Natural History Museum of Detrot. Stepping out of the elevator was like stepping into the brain cavity of some ancient, massive animal. The floor was more thickly carpeted than the cubicles below, and both walls on either side of the door sported chest-high banks of whatever the bone substance was, decorated from top to bottom with rows of dark buttons, each labeled in the strange language of the Office.
Below each button, tiny yellow sticky notes were attached with bits of tape; most had a word or sentence in Equestrian, while a few were marked with red ‘x’.
There were no hard angles, nor anywhere a pony might conceivably sit. It gave the overwhelming impression of a space grown upon the back of some great leviathan, rather than one built by something so primitive and facile as strong backs.
The far wall was a thin, membranous window overlooking the cubicle farm. Strangely, the omnipresent fog was gone from that perspective, leaving an expansive view across the interior of the massive egg-shaped dimensional space and rows upon rows of tiny square prisons. Nightmare could make out what looked uncomfortably much like veins beneath the surface, pumping some viscous, blue fluid.
Nightmare almost missed the figure standing before the window, so still and quiet was he.
He was standing with his back to them, looking out at the cubicle farm. Nightmare thought he might be a few inches taller than she, or at least, taller than Hard Boiled; it was difficult to tell, since he wore a body-blanketing canvas robe that covered him from hooves to eartips. A simple rope was cinched around his middle, holding the robe shut. He rested one hoof against the window, seemingly in some kind of strange meditation.
His head cocked to one side at the sound of Bones and Limerence stepping out of the elevator, though that was all. Nightmare, not wanting to be left behind again, reluctantly stepped out after them. Lifting her revolver, she sighted the figure in the window and took up the slack on her trigger. Limerence held his staff before him, and Bones brandished his knife.
“Whoever you are, you’ve got three guns pointed at your back,” the skeleton called out, “Get down on your stomach and put your hooves on your head, where we can see’em.”
The figure didn’t move for several seconds, and then a soft noise reached Nightmare’s ears.
It was a chuckle.
“Three guns?” The stallion snickered, in a strong voice that was smooth as beaten cream. “Three guns? That is quite the play. I counted only one gun, since you abandoned the rest at the portal gateway. Brother, you must keep company that can lie more convincingly.”
Nightmare’s ears twitched at the last sentence.
Had she heard correctly?
“You heard me. Down on the ground. This is your final-hrk!” Bones’ voice in Nightmare’s mind was suddenly cut short.
Nightmare glanced at him, but he wasn’t where he’d been a moment ago. The skeleton had closed the distance between them in an instant. She didn’t even have time to exhale a frightened breath before his hoof came up and he slapped her so hard she was sent flying, rolling end over end into a dazed heap against one of the control consoles.
Before she could recover, he was on her, his leg pressed firmly against her throat as she looked up into the pair of shining green flames where his eyes ought to have been.
‘Green? Why are his eyes green?’ she thought, distantly as she fought for air.
Limerence had heard the frightened yelp as Bones pulled Nightmare to the ground, but he was rooted to the spot, unable to move. His heart felt like it was in the back of his mouth. His body shook as he took a slow step forward.
That voice.
It was a voice he thought never to hear again.
“Z-Zefu?” Limerence whispered, his staff clattering to the ground.
The figure reached up and tossed back his hood, revealing the zony stallion’s unnaturally handsome features. He smiled warmly, sweeping his leg out from beneath the robe. With barely a whisper of sound, Bones flipped Nightmare onto her stomach and yanked her backwards into a sitting position, his fleshless leg still clenched around her throat, though not so tightly as to cut off her air supply.
“I don’t recommend moving, Detective,” Zefu said, cooly, his ice cold eyes locked on his brother. Atop his head, his stub of a unicorn horn glowed a sickly, sewage green. “I don’t know how you avoided the Office’s employee control system, but I doubt you’re faster than my thoughts. This undead you’ve chosen to bring with you is obedient to my will. You may not die, permanently, but I know you can still be killed.”
Nightmare squirmed a little, but Bones’s leg was like an iron bar across her neck.
Zefu lifted his chin slightly, a warm smile spreading on his sharply angled face. “Brother. Much as what comes in the next few minutes may be unpleasant, I will say I am pleased to see you.”
“Zefu, you...you killed our father,” Limerence murmured.
The zony’s expression fell into one of wistful contemplation.
“If it means anything, I regret that it was necessary. He was a zebra worthy of respect,” he replied, shaking his head. “I should not be surprised his soul proved resilient to my attempts to keep it on this plane. The secrets in that mind were valuable beyond the reckoning of living persons. A pity, then, that he would not part willingly with them.”
“Brother!” Limerence snarled, “You slaughtered our family! Why? What could possibly have been worth so many deaths?!”
Zefu wetted his perfectly formed lips, and his smile returned as he reached up to brush a stray strand of his mane back. “In my line of work, one quickly learns that death is a bridge. What may be crossed in one direction, can be crossed again in another. But...as to your question, there were many things. Many, many things. Magic, of course. More than a few mares. My broken body—” He trotted in a little circle, not a sign of his limp to be found. “—healed.”
It took Limerence several seconds to process his brother standing on all four hooves, but when he did, he gave his head a violent shake and took another step closer. Bones’s leg tightened warningly around Nightmare’s throat, and she let out a soft gurgle, which brought the librarian up short. He looked at the skeleton holding his companion and exhaled, pulling his watch out of his pocket to quickly check his remaining time.
“Brother, I would have given my life to see you stand strong, again,” Limerence murmured, letting his watch drop.
“And you will, soon,” Zefu replied, caustically, gesturing to the window behind him before carefully setting his perfect smile back in place. “Ironic, isn’t it? The two of us, here, at the end, the last children of the Archive. Part of me hoped when I checked the Archive’s messaging matrix that you were the survivor. Father’s ‘competition’ might have separated us, but we come together when it is time. Two opposites, who share only hate. Not even a bloodline or a library.”
“We are not blood, but we are family!” Limerence protested. “We were to safe-keep the Archive together, regardless of father’s competition! I would have gladly sat at your right hoof!”
Zefu smoothed his black mane back with the tip of his toe and caught his lower lip between his teeth for a moment, then shook his head. “No, brother. Father loved his dusty books and foul artifacts. You are truly his son. Besides, even had I not done as I have, the fate of this world would be unchanged. They would have approached another Archivist, or simply worked around us. This world will soon be a graveyard, and I intend to sit atop the bones as its king.”
Limerence lowered his head, pushing his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. “How long?” he asked, sadly.
“How long what, Limerence? Use your words,” Zefu said.
The librarian gritted his teeth. “How long ago did you betray Father?”
“Oh, I don’t think it matters,” the zony replied, plucking a slim, black book with a stylized pony skull on the front from the pocket of his robe and thumbing through it. “Suffice it to say, his wish to give us autonomy left ever so many opportunities. Necromancers are a secretive lot, and to find teachers frequently meant sneaking into places even Father’s all-seeing eyes could not. Tombs. Crypts. The old Manehattan subway system. They who gave me true power...well, my master lived in a high rise, here in old Detrot. You can see the appeal.”
“The Family,” Limerence muttered.
“They approached me with an offer. A wish, if you will. In return for a few deaths and one painful act of treachery, I could have anything I liked.” Zefu’s smile faltered. “I...I will say that I am glad you survived. It would have been a shame to kill you in that fashion.” He lifted his book and gave it a little flick. “Still, you can sit at my right hoof. Undead, perhaps, but I shan’t let that razor sharp mind of yours go to waste.”
“Is that why you left your blade in the Archive?” Limerence said, picking up his staff and carefully sliding the jagged-edged sword free of its sheath. “You hoped I would follow you?”
“Ah. No.” The zony’s gaze flicked to the weapon, and then he made a contemptuous sniff. “I could think of no safer place to hide a phylactery than the Archive. Can you? A maze in a library of corpses, defended by magics unfathomed by any living members of ponykind. It seemed an excellent safehouse. It is irrelevant, of course. I have others.”
“A phylactery?” Limerence looked down at the naked, gleaming sword. “Why would a living—” His eyes widened, and he took a quick step back. “Brother, please...please tell me you have not given up your mortal soul to these powers?!”
Zefu sneered, glancing toward where Nightmare lay, still fighting to breathe around Bones’s foreleg. “Death is coming for this world, Limerence. The living have no hope, no future, on what is to be a blasted, frozen rock when all is said and done. The dead are the future. I am merely ahead of the curve. I am the face of the oncoming tide.”
With that, Zefu’s stub of a horn began to glow. Nightmare struggled as Bones’s leg clamped down even tighter and her vision grew spotty at the edges, the brim of her hat forced down over her eyes. She choked, then slowly felt herself begin to float away into darkness.
----
“Great. I’m going to die, again, and I don’t even get to watch,” I grumbled, leaning my forehead against the swirling glass window hanging in the darkness of my own mind. “I should keep a tally going. If there’s an afterlife, I want the frequent flier miles.”
My musings were interrupted by a loud thump, followed by a soft moan.
I turned from the window to see who my newest visitor might be.
Nightmare Moon, her coat badly mussed and her massive wings askew, lay on her back a short distance away with all four legs in the air. Her shadowy, black mane lay limply around her shoulders like a cloud of dark cotton candy. Her tail had somehow become twisted around one of her back knees. She kicked one forehoof, weakly, then lay still.
“Now, that’s something you don’t see every day,” I muttered, edging in a slow circle around the seemingly unconscious alicorn. Leaning over, I gave her a firm flick on the tip of the nose.
“I am dead, creature,” she said, irritably. “Whatever reaper of souls you represent, I do not believe I have one, so as my dimwitted host might say, piss off!”
I scratched my mane for a second, then sat down beside her.
“Well, that’s a pleasant change,” I replied, then waved at the dank, black emptiness surrounding us. “So, what broken bit of my mind are you representing? I’ve had enough guilt for today. Quite full up.”
Her slitted eyes snapped open, and she swung her neck around to look up at me.
“H-Hard Boiled?” she stammered, flailing her massive wings against the non-existent ground as she fought her way onto her stomach.
“I sure hope so.” I looked down at my body, checking for unpleasant changes. No gaping hole in my chest. No chains. No blood. “Hard to say. I spent the day having incredibly unpleasant conversations with people I either killed or wish I could kill and I just watched somepony—who I presume was you—wearing my body for a suit as they got strangled into unconsciousness.”
“Hard...Boiled?” she repeated.
“Um...yes?”
All at once, Nightmare threw herself at me. She overcooked the launch, and I had time to duck as she went careening muzzle first over my head, smacking her chin on the ‘floor’ as she skidded to a stop with her flank in the air and her forehooves outstretched with murderous intent. Glaring over her shoulder, she scrambled to get her hooves under her, but they didn’t seem to be working properly. That or she’d gotten used to my much shorter frame and was having trouble readjusting.
“I am going to kill you, Hard Boiled!” she howled, pawing at the ground. “I will impale you on my horn and eat you like a bagel, one bit at a time!” Her own words took a moment to sink in, and then she snarled, “And you have given me a craving for bagels! Death is too good for you!”
Again, she charged, and I took a careful step to one side, then almost as an afterthought stuck my hoof out between her front and back legs. She took a flopping tumble, all four hooves flying in different directions. It was a little depressing to see anypony so pitifully graceless.
“Hold still so I may pull you apart!” she barked, before stepping on her own wingtip as she tried to get up once more.
“Would you knock it off? You’re going to hurt yourself,” I said, shaking my head at her antics.
“I feel that killing you shall be worth it!”
I held up a hoof before she could charge again. “You do know we’re somewhere in my subconscious, right?”
She was breathing heavily and puffs of steam were rising from her nostrils, though I couldn’t have told you whether that was just because one or both of us thought there should be. Her catlike eyes narrowed as she took a limping step forward. I braced myself to dodge, but she seemed to deflate a little.
“I am beyond the boundaries of my programming,” she whined, softly. “I...I sh-should not be able to comprehend the idea of subc-consciousness. I am...am not even a pony. I am a piece of—”
“—of Nightmare Moon,” I finished, rubbing one fetlock with the other. “Yeah, I picked up on that. Take some deep breaths. If you want to try again in a minute, I’ll understand, but once you’re done picking yourself up, I do want to talk.”
A steady stream of tears was now running down her face, dripping off the end of her nose and disappearing before they hit the ground.
“Y-you creatures… You fleshy things! How have you not simply crawled inside yourselves and become lost on this tide of emotion?!” she huffed, pulling her wings in tight around her barrel. “Please, do not make me go back out there…”
“I’m not in control of this ride, Moonie,” I replied, looking up at the empty sky, then back at the black hole which represented our window. “What’s going on? I could see some of it, but I couldn’t hear anything.”
“I have no idea!” Nightmare moaned, throwing her hooves in the air, “Limerence Tome called that...that strange pony with the stripes his ‘brother’, and then I was choked into unconsciousness by your grandsire! That is rather the more important thing, is it not?”
“Yeah...yeah, I saw his eyes,” I added, flashing black to the twin green flames.
“I care little for his eyes! I care for his hoof crushing our collective throat!”
“Can’t say as I’m sad I missed that. This dream or whatever it is doesn’t come with instructions.”
For the first time since she’d appeared, Nightmare Moon started to look around herself. She held up a hoof and gave it a little shake in front of her eyes, then spread her expansive wings, studying the way the feathers stretched. “This...this is a dreamscape?”
“You tell me. You and Princess Luna were shacked up for a thousand years. The only experience I have with dreams is getting too drunk to have the bad ones.”
Pulling her wings in against her barrel, she sat down heavily. “Nightmare Moon left me with little in the way of memory. I was not meant to have true sentience. Making a dreamscape of your own is a very strange response to being magically attacked. Of course, every pony trapped in this mad dimension...this ‘Office’...may be in their own dreamscapes.”
“Makes sense to me, by which I mean, I have no idea if that should make sense or not,” I replied. “I couldn’t see too well from the position we were in, but if Lim called that pony his brother, then that’s Zefu Tome. You saying he somehow took over my grandfather’s mind?”
Nightmare clenched her teeth for a second, then nodded. “If he did, he must be some form of necromancer. A wicked controller of the undead. Is he the one who raised your grandfather?”
“I doubt it,” I answered, shaking my head. “Grandaddy Bones has been around a long time. It was probably whoever taught Zefu his trade. Lim’s brother is one of the people responsible for the death of a close friend of mine. I hope Limerence can take him. Do you guys have any thoughts on escaping, that I should know?”
“I do not wish to have thoughts anymore! Having thoughts is for meat brains! I wish to go back to being an unincorporated neural algorithm!”
“Well, the longer you piss and moan, the longer you’re likely to be running the show. Do you have a plan to get Taxi and me out of whatever took over our bodies?” I asked.
Nightmare poked her forked tongue out, then stared at the tip of it, flicking it back and forth in front of her muzzle, before self-consciously pulling it back into her mouth.
“Why does sticking my tongue out at you make me feel better?” she muttered, then quickly brushed her own question aside with flick of her shimmering black tail. “No matter! If I had my way, I would boil you and that wretched heart in your chest down into a fine slurry.”
I looked down at my chest. “What did my heart do?”
“He is responsible for this bizarre situation! He forced me to manifest as a functioning mind when yours was absent!”
“Ah.”
If it was possible, Nightmare’s expression turned even more sour; she looked like she’d been slurping rotten limes out of a margarita mixed in dishwater.
“Unfortunately,” she continued, “if Limerence survives, he may manage to save us from death and then...then I will have to continue my primary directives, much as they are right now being superseded by a desire to see you dead.”
“How? Not that I’m doubting you, since you and Nightmare Moon both seem to be pathologically honest, but it might be important.”
She waved a hoof in front of her face as though looking for the words, then stared at the hoof like it’d done something offensive. “Unconscious gesticulation. I am unconsciously gesticulating! Ugh, your sentience infects me and I cannot even stand still!”
“Nightmare, focus. Escaping?”
“Allow me my displeasures or I go back to trying to stick you with my horn!” she snarled, stomping past me to look up at the hole hanging in the air. Drawing in a sharp breath, she slowly let it go. “As I was about to say, I interacted briefly with a dying mare who told me that there are creatures which can counteract the mind control field. They live somewhere within the Office’s ecosystem. We have not encountered them, obviously, but...it is possible Limerence Tome may find one.”
“I saw what happened with Taxi,” I said, trying to keep the quiver out of my voice. “We’ll have to get her on the way out, one way or the other. Creatures or not, I am not—”
“Yes, yes, I know! We have accounted for your unwillingness to leave your emotionally codependent assassin behind!”
“Good. I suppose until I’m out of here there’s not much else I can plan. So. you want to play checkers or something while we wait for…oh.”
Nightmare cocked her head, a worried expression crossing her face. “Oh? What is ‘oh’?”
I nodded at her front hoof, which was quickly fading into the darkness like a black curtain was being drawn across it.
“...Oh…” she said, quietly, and then she was gone.
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"succession of treatments failed Princess Celestia was called upon"
"succession of treatments failed, Princess Celestia was called upon"?
...Also, wow, that's... quite the move Celestia pulled. That she pulled that off makes me wonder a bit if she isn't some brand of differently sane herself. I mean, really, there are a number of reasons it wouldn't be all that surprising...
Okay, well, I can't say all that wasn't unexpected...
Gale's either learning how to snark from "big brother" Hardy or he's just naturally a witty teen. I'm glad he's getting more dialogue time. I want to learn more about him.
Nightmare Moon is learning to be a real pony! That's rather encouraging, all things considered. No idea how she'd make use of her eventual 'freedom', without a body to inhabit. Maybe they could stick her in one of their ex-foes? Imagine her puppeteering Zefu around.
Speaking of, this is one moment I wish Starlight wasn't all through Hardy's POV. The final duel between brothers is a moment of awesome I always wanted to see. (also because Limerence is my favourite character) Kinda stood out to me how formal he was even when emotionally confronting his brother about his massive betrayal, I guess I just figured he was only sociable around family. But I guess Don Tome's mission for him is still ongoing, hm?
Zefu has the typical "evil sibling" tropes, betrayal for being the only one left alive at the end of the world, moderately cryptic motive rant about how he was always evil, etc etc. Clearly he still cares *a little* about his brother. Though with the implications I get the feeling he's gone full lich and has a few tricks up his sleeve because of it. I hope Limerence isn't too blinded by emotion to not take that into account. I mean sword duels are cool and all, but with ponies of their intellects it might as well be a Sherlock vs Moriarty mind duel too.
Thoughts for the future: This expectedly reads like the pre-boss duel fighting the second in command before moving onto the main villain. Likely Hardy gets back in control while Lim and Zefu are dueling, so he's got to do it alone while Bones is also incapacitated? Maybe after assuredly defeating the big evil his heart runs out and it's all a big drama if he'll get to a socket in time? Moonie's left the room, and Gale's stuck in Engineering trying to keep the lights on. Reminds me a little of ATLA actually. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. Hardly so. You've pulled it off well so far, and how you take and tie up these threads is what's going to be really interesting.
Chessie... Release the hostage. What hostage? The featured box that's what hostage. Release it now and nobody gets hurt.
9145170 Eh, oddly enough I didn't actually have much of that in mind for the climactic duel between the brothers. I think you're going to like what I actually do with them.
-Chessie
Well, Limerence is probably going to kill Zefu. If anyone has the knowledge to keep a necromancer dead, it's him, and I think Zefu has relinquished any right to mercy he may have had.
Also, I'm rather disappointed at the recent chapter's lack of Swifty, I hope we'll be seeing her again soon.
9145368 She'll be back soon.
-Chessie
I can confidently claim that I knew of the Zefu twist before this chapter. I was suspicious when he was the first character introduced with a cane, then you stated that he had specialized in zebra necromancy studies. Then you killed him and I was significantly suspicious of the "charred corpse in his regular spot, burned beyond recognition". Then bit by bit you start introducing more and more necromancy with absolutely no mention of Zefu effectively making us forget about him. Then, way past the introduction of Bones you give us the statement from Nightmare Moon on the last night of Ruby Blue and drop the subtle hint of "black hooves" on the robed necromancer. A trait that only one character within the show has been shown to have. Zecora, the zebra. And that leads us back to the Zony in the room. Zefu.
I also did pick up on the "weapon closest to his heart comment". Lich heart as expected.
I ranted a bit there but I did that because I Loved every moment of it. The amazing way you have set up these things with subtle hints and small comments and then completely throw it away for... I don't know how long. You left these subtle hints that and... I'm rambling again.
Long story short, I love this story and the way you write. I give this story the highest praise I can think to give to a fanfiction, it is the first one I give it too and so far the only one.'
I honestly wish that I could own a hardback cover copy of this book so that I can put it on my real life bookshelf.
When you update, Chessie, it surely makes my day! Loved all the character interactions! Those damn spiders crawling around on the ceiling are awful! They are worth whatever you paid for them. Moonie is waking up, to her sorrow probably because Zefu is too busy fighting his brother to maintain control. I think she's going to use the big honking monster killing super revolver of DOOM on Zefu thus saving Lim. Oh. And it'll bring the whole damn place crashing down so they have to race to rescue Taxi, and find Hardy a light socket. Can he plug into the car? 'Cause I forget. I think you make the cliffhangers just so we can speculate and you can do something to shock us because we didn't think of it. Next time. Same Hardy time, same Hardy channel.
9145412
I was so dead on the money right about Zefu a long while ago that Chessie actually had to delete my post about it lest it be 'spoilers' for those who hadn't figured it out lol.
And it didn't have to do with 'black hooves' that Bones mentioned, but during a second re-reading of the entire fic it was a tiny clue left behind at Ruby Blue's murder on the rooftop.... a 'small hole' left in the gravel near her body where hooves were also located. A small hole as caused by, say, a cane used by a zony to lean on (and add to the fact that when Lim took the cane and showed the blade inside it to Hardy, well, now we know how Ruby's horn was removed).
Edit: Here it is, all the way back in Chapter 4: Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer, Do
9145831
Yeah I did catch that detail as well, first character introduced with a cane and all.
9145831
I think most of us had been long awaiting Zefu's reappearance... many were the clues, so it was just a matter of when and how he appeared. I had not picked that he would have already off'd himself to become the Necro Nemesis, though.
Lim shows that he was always content to be 2IC... to his father or brother, it mattered not, he initially went into this 'competition' with his brother with no real drive to be the winner but now he sees that while he was content to allow the chips to fall how they may, his brother had no such intentions. An honest, if not sociable soul, this sort of betrayal is the type of thing that rocks him to his core... while Hardy and the others may have had their suspicions, it seems Lim could not fathom that his brother would stoop this low. Poor blighter, it will just make what he has to do next so much more painful no matter how hard he will try to cover it up with a stiff upper lip and formal words.
9146040 And...lemme tell you, what he does next is fucking epic.
-Chessie
Pity the Office doesnt have a single central overall controlling server rack that Nightmare can put a full power Crusader round through its power supply. Strange that, still havent seen anyone even try and design even heavy power supplys to handle a direct lightning bolt and keep working. they keep tripping out and reset instead.
Yep, I guess most of us saw this sudden but inevitable betrayal coming. Still a suitably awesome moment.
DAMN YOU, ZEFUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Another great chapter.
“Hard Boiled? I don’t feel so good...”
It was low-hanging fruit, but I had to take it.
Son of a bitch, I told myself I wouldn't read this story till it was done
Then somewhere I remember reading that it was very nearly done, and so I took the plunge into what turned out to be possibly my favorite story I've read here. Period. Unfortunately it seems like it'd be at least a year before it finishes at this rate. Now begins the worst part, the waiting.
Also, I'm thinking. D.W is actually D.VV (two V's)and iirc that stallion had purple/lavender in his color scheme with the whole yarn prediction thing. If it ain't Diamante, I got nothin
Anyway, phenomenal story, 16/10
Somebody cracked Zefu's noggin imho.
P.S.
The number of times someone is correct about an outcome of the next part of the story (or claims to be after the fact) on the basis of a totally blind hunch (by which I mean that assuming that a fact that was probably irrelevant when it was written) is pretty crazy. I strongly doubt the author here has asome vast document with little footnotes on every little detail linking it to a future, unwritten bit.
9195738 I do almost no planning.
-Chessie
It's ok, Moony. I hear Captain Hammer has a support group for pain.
So ... situation normal?
Because that's how he picks his friends.
You really make it hard to feel sorry for you.
break the staff lim!
9145831
How did I miss that! Fuckkkk!
9145412
Agreed. Chessie, if you’re reading this, I would pay good money for this to be on my bookshelf. That’s saying a lot considering I’ve never bought my little pony merch before, fan made or not. This story is that good.
I’m already saving it as an html so even if fimfiction goes down I’ll still be able to read it. :P
I quite love Gale and Nightmare's interactions together.