Act 3 Chapter 72 : Taxi's Ride
"It was not the generals that won that war.
It was the insane.
No stable, considered person sitting behind a desk could have driven our society half so mad as we drove ourselves and when it came time, no gentle soul with a head full of strategy could have stepped up to prevent our final decimation. It was only the mad - with their funny little ways of thinking and disregard for their own lives in the face of the deaths of others - who preserved us.
Sadly, most of them didn't notice that was what they'd done."
-Princess Celestia in "On The Subject Of Equestrian Warfare, L.R. 39."
The hidden bunker’s ground level exit was disguised as just another stretch of road, albeit in slightly better repair than the rest of the surrounding asphalt. The massive doors that’d opened to allow the lift to reach street level were recessed into the ground in such a fashion that only a very close inspection might give away that there was anything different about that section of the street. All in all, it was a brilliant way of making a whole neighborhood of ponies vanish into the ground on short notice.
Alternatively, it was a great way of making a giant heavy weapons platform appear out of nowhere in the middle of the city.
----
We’d taken a few minutes to explain what we needed to Ambrock and Vexis and, dragons being dragons, bribery won out where reason failed. After that, it was just a matter of Apple Bloom and myself getting them hitched to the front yoke by the entirely overcomplicated set of chains and bars which wouldn’t have looked at all out of place on the Vivarium’s lower floors. By the time we were done, the two young dragons were looking distinctly nervous about the whole arrangement, but at last, I sat in the driver’s seat with one hoof on the ignition.
I stared out at the sibling duo of lizards taking up most of the viewport with their collective bulks and tried to calm my vibrating nerves by gently stroking my P.E.A.C.E. cannon, which was stashed beside my seat.
‘You need a cup of tea.’
‘Well, I’m not going to get a cup of tea, now am I?’
‘There is a thermos in your saddlebag.’
‘What?’
‘Go check.’
I reached back and pulled my left saddlebag open, rooting around until I found a pink and purple thermos with a built-in cup tucked in the inside pocket. Popping it open, I inhaled a sweet mix of peppermint and cardamom. It was still piping hot.
‘So, who left me this when I wasn’t looking?’
‘The mare with the failing kidney. She needed to feel like she was contributing.’
‘I’ll have to get her something if I survive.’
‘You are still not planning to live.’
I swallowed a sip of tea. It was delicious. Just what I needed.
‘We’re going into an impossible situation. Even if we manage to get these refugees off the streets, we still have to engage Propana. We can’t leave that monster in the city. One War Scooter, no matter how powerful, isn’t going to take down a dragoness that size and her retinue.’
‘Trust in me.’
‘You scare me.’
“Are ya’ll ready to go?”
I jerked upright in my seat, almost spilling my tea as Apple Bloom poked her head over my shoulder into the cockpit.
“Is Precious strapped in?” I asked.
“Ah got’em a spot in mah gun blister and he’s eatin’ an old ration that must have been in here since the war,” she replied, “That ol’ bugger puts on a big show with his jumpsuits and carryin’ on, but he is tough as nails fer a civilian.”
“That he is,” I murmured, offering her my thermos, which she took and sniffed before sipping.
“Mmm, lovely.” She passed the container back, then pulled something out of her stetson and held it out. “The nerd told me to give this to ya. Ah don’t know exactly why. Strange little stallion, that one.”
I took the thin, willowy object in my hoof and stared at it for a long moment before the smell of flowers hit me. Incense. Limerence sent me some incense. I grinned and pulled a lighter out of my bag, lit the scented stick, and tucked it between two of the consoles as scented smoke filled the cabin.
“You know...Now, I think we’re ready to go,” I said, brushing my braid back and putting both hooves on the controls. “Alright, walk me through this. I remember most of it, but I’ve never been behind the stick.”
“Ain’t exactly complicated, unless ya wanna do crazy dog fightin’,” Apple Bloom answered, stretching over my shoulder to touch the controls one at a time, “The one between yer legs goes left and right, or ya push down for up and up for down. Goin’ faster is the pedals, but don’t overwork the engines. Remember they’re muscle and bone. Oh, and ya can’t deadstop brake, so don’t try. Ya wanna slow down, pull up hard. Ah’d fly’er, but Ah’m thirty years out of the driver’s seat and Scoots was really the pilot.”
“Sounds simple enough.” I reached up and touched the key, then hesitated. “If...If we fail or I die—”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and casually poked me in the end of the nose. “Girly, if the Crusaders worried about dyin’ or failin’ every time we went on a suicide mission, Ah would not be sittin’ here talkin’ to ya. Yer either going to give yer all or they’ll scrape ya outta that cockpit. Now, whatever noble-as-farts sentiment ya got, stow it and Ah’ll pretend ya were very inspirin’.”
I grinned at the old mare, then reached up and turned the key. I’d been expecting a sort of roaring sound or a backfire, but what I got was a full body judder and the sensation of an electric current traveling from my tail right up to my ears. The War Scooter lurched and rocked into a fully upright position as the magical stabilizers kicked in.
A dozen floating, magical displays appeared in a half circle around my head, bathing me in soft green light. Some were simply views of the exterior from different angles that gave the strange sensation of being the center of the War Scooter while others seemed to be ammunition displays for the top and bottom gunners. A few extraneous readouts had temperatures and pressures of various systems, but all were in the green.
The street outside was full of billowing snow that was just then starting to creep into doorways and pile up in the gutters. Ambrock and Vexis sat, side by side, stiff as boards, staring straight ahead in a way that was downright unsettling for a pair of lizards who were normally relatively animated. I gently brushed my rudder and all four of their wings leaned slightly to the right.
“Creepy, ain’t it?” Bloom commented, gesturing at the little shimmering image.
“Very. Can they feel everything that I’m doing?” I asked, straightening the stick to bring their wings back to center.
“Nope. If ya get them shot, they’ll feel it when they’re not hooked in anymore, but their brains are checked out. They can see and hear, but that’s it. If one of’em dies, they’ll still fly till their brain stem shuts down. Had a recruit strapped in once for two hours that none of us noticed had lost a bit of his forehead. That’ll give ya nightmares.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve already got plenty of nightmares...”
“Sorry, honey,” Apple Bloom murmured, patting my shoulder. “The time to decide ya were gonna lose spine was two hours ago. Right now, yer spine better be shiny or a whole heap of ponies are gonna die. Now, get us in the air.”
I leaned into the yoke and the two dragons’ wings began to beat in a steady rhythm as their claws lifted off the ground of their own accord with a coordination that figure skaters would have envied.
Apple Bloom caught balance on the wall with one hoof, then poked a button beside my head. “Miss Firebrand? Ya hear?”
The dragoness’s voice crackled through a speaker on the dash. “I hear, Crusader Apple Bloom! I am getting to grips with the controls down here. Not having hooves is somewhat complicating things and I am too large for the seat.”
“There’s a button with the shape of a buffalo on it up next to the fire control. Push it.”
There was a loud clunk up the speaker, then a sigh of relief.
“Much better.”
“No problem. We’ve had more’n one critter in here from time to time that wasn’t pony sized. Gotta make some accommodations.”
Precious’s voice broke in from the speaker. “While ya’ll are makin’ accommodations, mightn’t Ah trouble ya for some of that incense down this way? Whoever was in this turret last left half a sandwich in here a bunch of years ago, and it smells right fiercely.”
I plucked the incense, broke off half, then passed the other to Apple Bloom. She touched the brim of her hat and trotted toward the ladder at the back.
“We’re wings up in five...four...three...two...one!”
I sank back into my pilot’s chair, letting the information flowing off the screens create a sort of comfortable cocoon around me as I hauled back on the yoke. My stomach tried to sink right down into my hooves as the two dragons out front heaved forward and the ground leapt away. I had to fight down a wave of instinctual panic at having my hooves off the earth. I didn’t have anything like Hardy’s sustained fear of heights, but it still wasn’t a happy sensation. That being said, the sensation of controlling such a massive construct was giving me a certain fizzy feeling which was not at all wholesome.
Around me, the War Scooter buzzed with magic as I banked low over the rooftops, the city suddenly shrinking as I finally got a good look at the damage wrought by the Family and their machinations.
The damage was massive, though most buildings still stood. While the fires didn’t seem to be spreading, there were dozens of them in different places, lighting up the sections of the city where the streetlights didn’t.
Digging into my saddlebags, I pulled out my walkie talkie and set it on the dash.
“Gypsy? Can you still hear us up here?”
“Here, boss, signal is good. Limerence is close to his target. You’ve got about twenty minutes to get the refugees moving towards safety. Tourniquet says she caught sight of something moving on the distant outskirts on the opposite side of town. It was in the cloud layer.”
“We’re in the air right now. Do you see any dragons moving toward us?” I asked.
“Tourniquet saw a small green who watched you take off, then took off like somepony set fire to his tail in the opposite direction.”
I rubbed my forehead with one hoof, trying to do the mental strategic math. “I guess we have to assume Propana knows we’re up here, then. A single dragon, no matter how big, can’t tow it against a War Scooter.”
“It won’t be just a single dragon...”
“I know. I’m thinking. Tactical thoughts,” I growled, glancing sideways at one of the magical windows hanging in the air beside my face. There was a tall industrial building off to our left that I had an irrational urge to duck behind, as though that would somehow hide our enormous bulk. “The refugees are at the end of Blue Roan Road, right?”
“That’s where their barricade starts. It won’t keep out anything more determined than an elementary school parade team, mind you.”
“Do we have any intel on who is leading the refugees?”
“Uh...Tourniquet says that, based on what she can see, it looks like a female yak.”
“Right. That simplifies things.”
“How do you mean?”
I pulled the yoke sideways, coming in a bit lower above the rooftops. A few of the displays flashed proximity warnings, but I kept us high enough to avoid scraping the T.V. antennas.
“Yaks believe might makes right,” I answered, “We have a War Scooter, three dragons, the Prince of Detrot, and a Crusader. We are very, very right.”
“I noticed you’re not including yourself in that little accounting.”
I bit my tongue before it could pop off something snippy.
“I’m hoping it won’t come to me fighting.”
Gypsy was silent for what seemed like a long time and it began to gather weight the longer it went on.
“I’ve seen a couple decades of this city rotting from the inside and you still might be the scariest pony I’ve ever met, Sweet Shine,” she said, at last.
I poked the microphone, making it crackle at her. “If you’re done making smart comments, I could really use an ETA to Blue Roan Road and some landing instructions.”
“R-right. I can...give you a rough calculation. You’re about two minutes out. Try to land about three quarters of a mile from the barricade and only take ponies along. They’re shooting first and asking questions later.”
----
‘What will you do?’
‘This is a change. Usually you’re telling me what I need to do.’
‘You need to tell me what you are planning on doing.’
‘Was that humor?’
‘You needed a laugh, just then.’
‘Heh. I guess I did. As to that question, I honestly don’t know. These ponies have been brutalized. They’re frightened and they know the dragons will eventually get around to wiping them out. It’s just a matter of when.’
‘Then you need to represent hope.’
‘Me?’
----
Whoever was running the refugee camp was no tactician.
As we reached the outskirts of the city, I could see the camp from far off, lit up like a hoofball field by dozens of fires, lights, and hundreds of small torches. It squatted at the end of the highway headed out of town and directly below an overpass section of the city’s ring road. The surrounding buildings were warehouses on one side and the badly burned remains of an abandoned suburb on the other. Below the overpass, they’d set up something of an improvised tent city, though with none of the neat organization of the one surrounding Supermax.
There were no less than six approaches by ground, each of them with little more than piles of garbage and upended cars to block off anything that might come that way.
Beneath the overpass I could make out haphazard dispersions of tents in dozens of colors and seemingly made out of whatever somepony could lay their hooves on. Cooking fires dotted the area and I could make out hundreds of milling bodies down there, some in lines, others simply in crowds.
I studied the layout on the screen shimmering in the air in front of me, trying to decide where to land. The options were all bad, which is to say, not one of them provided me a lick of cover. On the flip side, if I were a dragon intent on strafing the camp and reducing everyone in it to a cinder, I was spoiled for choice. All of the approaches were wide open and there was nothing resembling shelter except the overpass under which the camp itself was built.
There were a few ponies on rooftops near the camp, probably acting as scouts or lookouts. Not a safe job, considering the Black Coats were still out there snatching people at random, but better than nothing as to protection of the camp proper. It was making my job a little more difficult, however.
Finally, I settled on the ‘loud and impossible to ignore’ approach.
Hardy would have been proud.
Pushing the yoke forward, I slid back in my seat as Ambrock and Vexis dove towards the deck at a speed that made my eyes water. I barely had time to pull up before we hit the ground and a few warning lights popped up on the screens around me; one of them seemed to indicate an imminent muscle pull if I pushed Ambrock any harder.
I poked a button on the panel near my head that said ‘landing gear’ and winced as several hatches on the underside squealed open on hinges that had moved precisely once since I was in diapers. Landing the war scooter was a tricky business on a highway, but most of it was handled by automated systems which seemed to know more or less what they were doing with the anatomy of whatever creature was providing lift and thrust. Still, as we came in there was a rougher-than-I-liked bump as the wheels hit the surface, screeching against the asphalt. Ambrock and Vexis took a few long hops, before coming to a rest.
Tapping the intercom, I asked, “Everyone alright back there?”
There was a quick chorus of replies:
“A successful first landing. Well done! Most dragons end up with bruised chins during their initial attempts.”
“Ah wish to complain to the stewardess about the quality of the in-flight entertainment. It ain’t blindpony-friendly.”
“Precious and Ah are fine back here. Give me a minute to get us unstrapped.”
Grabbing my P.E.A.C.E. cannon, I heaved it up onto my back. I left the extra rounds where they lay; if the drum of various not-terribly-lethal area denial options loaded into it wasn’t enough to discourage the refugees from trying to gun us down then reloading was unlikely to be an issue.
My hoof hesitated over the ignition, then I decided to leave the War Scooter running. Cruel, yes, but...I thought we might need the dragons more than they needed a chance to get cold feet.
‘They are in no pain. Vexis will need to pee in the next hour, but that is—’
‘I don’t need to hear this.’
‘You wish to work together, but you do not want to listen?’
‘Don’t you understand? I can’t listen to every need of every being we encounter. I’ll lose my mind trying to help everyone.’
‘I see. What you need is balance.’
‘I...y-yes. Yes, that’s it exactly. How did you not know that?’
‘Until recently, you needed to believe we weren’t the same pony.’
‘What does—’
The click of claws on metal brought my head around as Firebrand clambered out of her gun turret. She wore her golden helmet and had one talon gently stroking her right sword. “Are you ready to go?”
“You’re staying here,” I said, gesturing at the ladder.
I couldn’t see it, but I got the feeling Firebrand cocked an eye-ridge at me.
“I am?”
“Think about it. A bunch of twitchy, armed refugees who’ve been taking pot shots at anything that moves? How is a dragoness in full armor going to look approaching them?”
Firebrand lowered her nose slightly, then said, “I am staying here.” Turning on her heel, she hopped onto the ladder and slid back down into the gun turret, hesitating at the lip for a moment. “Should I be prepared to take the controls and come rescue you if you are not back in short order?”
I shook my head. “We’ll be dead if we’re not back in short order. Your job, if you can do it, is to take this thing and ram it face-first into Propana as hard as you can. We’ll hope that kills her.”
“Ah’m stayin’ too,” Apple Bloom added, sliding down to our level from up top. “Ah can pilot better’n she can and Ah’ll need somepony to work a gun. If ya get them poor ponies to follow, signal and Ah’ll come along to lead’em back ta Fortress Everfree.”
“I’ll signal in about ten minutes,” I replied, checking my P.E.A.C.E. cannon for a flare round. Assuring myself there was one, I snapped it shut. “If you haven’t heard from us by then, don’t come looking.”
Precious felt about with his hind hoof until he found the platform, then stepped off beside me. “Oh, Miss Shine...ya do need some optimism in yer life! These are the ponies of Detrot. Ah have heard them do great things in mah time. All ya need is a song in yer heart and they’ll come a’runnin’.”
I squinted at him for a second as an idea percolated around inside my head.
“You know...that’s not a bad idea.”
“Eh? What do ya mean?”
----
The air outside the War Scooter was bitingly cold.
I wished—not for the first time—that I’d been inclined to pay for a magical trench coat like Hardy’s. My paychecks tended to go towards long term investments, scented candles, and upgrades for the Night Trotter. Being as I’d managed to lose two out of three of those things entirely and my candle collection was in an unverifiable condition, I felt like the coat would have been a better place to put my money.
Precious stood beside me on the long, empty highway leading to the buildings where the refugees were hiding, his milk-white eyes staring off just above the horizon as his ears twitched back and forth. He was trying, unsuccessfully, to hide his shivering. An old stallion deserved better than a deserted road and a chill wind.
Thankfully, the wind was blowing in a favorable direction. I could just make out the vague shapes of ponies and other creatures standing atop the distant buildings. They were definitely watching us and more than once, a subtle shine or glint off metal would suggest weapons pointed in our direction.
I glanced back at Ambrock and Vexis, sitting frozen and waiting for orders from the War Scooter’s navigation system, then threw a salute towards the pilot’s viewport where I imagined Apple Bloom was watching us.
“Filly, this is one of the barmier things Ah’ve ever done, Ah just want it said,” Precious muttered, tugging his guitar off his back and slotting his pipe wrench and cane into a harness across his shoulders. “Ya sure Ah’m okay standin’ on yer back? Ah did a stint with some lovely lady acrobats once what taught me how to tumble and stack with ponies, but that was forty years back.”
“You’ve given me enough hugs down through the years to know I’m an earth pony, Precious,” I replied, offering him a leg, “You weigh about two thirds what Hardy does and I can chuck his gangly flank around like a sack of feathers. Just try not to step on my saddlebags.”
With his usual dexterity, Precious took my proffered knee and hefted himself up onto my shoulders. I couldn’t suppress a small grunt; he wasn’t exactly heavy, but he was another pony on my back. Working his way to a sitting position, he carefully strummed his guitar. A few sweet bars rolled off toward the refugee camp.
“Any requests, Miss Shine?” he asked.
I thought for a moment, then replied, “Could you play that old love song? The one about the mare who fell in love with the moon?”
“Ah! Ya mean ‘Shining Sky’? That’s an oldie even by mah standards.”
“That’s the one. My father used to let me listen to one of your records, and that’s the first song I remember.”
“Aye. Ah suppose Ah can play that. Set us off and Ah’ll remember the words.”
With the wind beginning to whip through my mane, I started off, plodding towards the camp and the distant towers of smoke. Precious was silent for just a few seconds before he started playing.
Contrary to most of his rousing rock ballads, Shining Sky was a slow, building tale of love between a mare whose name was the title of the song and Princess Luna. She suffered in a loveless marriage, praying to the moon for her salvation as her life slowly fell apart around her. Gradually, her dreams started to turn dark and one night, Princess Luna finally appeared when she was having a nightmare.
The two became friends, then fell in love, living every night together and waking to resume their normal lives, one a princess, one a housewife.
After some years of quiet bliss in her sleep, Shining Sky’s husband figured out something was going on, but he had no evidence as to what or how. He turned cruel and resentful, finally throwing her out into the streets. She wandered, dazed and alone, before falling asleep in an alley.
It was a sad song, whose ending was left to the listener. Was she really dreaming of Princess Luna all those years? Did Princess Luna come and save her great love? Did she die there, hopeless, homeless, and empty?
I always hoped Princess Luna came and Shining Sky lived happily ever after in Canterlot.
Of course, it was just a song.
It carried on the winds as I walked towards the refugees and Precious’s sweet, kindly voice followed it. It didn’t take long to reach their weapons’ range but nopony took a shot at us. I could just see them up there on the buildings, most with their heads cocked to listen to the haunting tune.
As I strolled towards what could have quickly turned into a bloodbath, my thoughts turned to Hard Boiled. Considering the ladybugs buried in my fur, he was probably watching events unfold. Knowing the bastard, he was smirking his way through every minute of it.
‘I wish he were here.’
‘So do I.’
‘You do?’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’
As the final strains of the song faded away, somepony finally jerked themselves out of the stupor Precious’s tune had put everyone in long enough to fire off a shot. We were close enough to the two buildings on either side of the highway to make out the ponies atop them. The bullet plinked off the asphalt about ten meters ahead of us and I paused, glancing back to make sure Precious was alright. He casually dismounted, swinging down onto all fours though keeping one hoof on my shoulder. He had as close to an irritated expression on his face as I’d seen in all the time I’d known him.
A bellowing voice came from the end of the street.
“You ponies! You stop! Agrona say stand still or eat lead!”
Now, I thought I’d seen yaks. I didn’t know terribly many, but yaks aren’t the least common Equestrian species in Detrot. More than a few like a good scrap and have made their way to one of the local fight clubs.
The lumbering mountain of fur that clomped into sight on the highway, a war hammer the size of a small truck strapped to her back, was not your average yak. ‘Agrona’ had long ago transcended large; I couldn’t imagine there was a doorway in Detrot she hadn’t banged her lance-lengthed horns on. Her shaggy coat was woven with dozens of the tiny ribbons that yaks use to mark their accomplishments in lieu of medals, and the helm atop her head could have doubled as a wash bucket for most ponies.
Precious frowned at her, then turned to me, swinging his guitar across his shoulders. “Well, we didn’t get shot right off. Ah’ll call that a triumph for mah art. Ah could be wrong, but that sounds like a yak. Too bad that particular audience ain’t gonna appreciate mah style from here on. Never was popular up Yakyakistan way. They like the plumbin’, not so much mah singin’.”
“Not getting shot was the goal,” I murmured, “Now we’ve got to get them to listen.” Raising one hoof, I called out, “Hello! You have any idea who you’re taking shots at?”
“Agrona does not care who is there! You! Turn and leave! We have too many mouths already and you look like skin and bones!”
I looked down at myself and realized my ribs were a little more pronounced than they had been when I started our journey, but I definitely didn’t look like a department store mannequin.
Narrowing my eyes, I drew a deep breath and shouted, “My name is Taxi! I speak for Detective Hard Boiled! You heard that name before?”
I heard a low murmuring from nearby and Agrona angrily swung her warhammer off her back, burying it in the concrete at her hooves.
“Agrona say you not coming into camp, then you not coming in!” the yak snapped, stomping a hoof the size of a dinner plate and splintering the ground under it. “We not need more problems and P.A.C.T. follow you!”
“You’ve got more problems than you can handle!” I answered, trying to make sure they all heard me. “I’ve got a safe place we can take you! You’ll have to follow us, but—”
My walkie-talkie sputtered and Gypsy’s voice broke in, “Taxi, we’ve spotted Propana. Mercy, she’s big. She’s also definitely headed in your direction. The griffins are sending up a force to delay her, but they won’t last long against something like that.”
“Understood,” I whispered, then raised my head to find Agrona glaring at me across the distance.
“Pony is not leaving!” the huge yak snarled, lifting her giant hammer in her teeth as easily as one might pick up a toothpick.
‘One last attempt at diplomacy?’ I thought.
‘One more is needed for those who are listening.’
‘We are not killing her. Period. You hear me?’
‘She doesn’t need to die. She just needs a reminder that there’s always a bigger fish.’
“Miss Agrona!” I called. “There’s a dragon coming to this place in just a few minutes! We need to begin evacuating everypony here or the dragon may attack!”
“Where we go?!” Agrona barked, taking a step forward. “There is nowhere to go! Dragons attack if we leave! Dragons attack if we stay! We fight them! We smash them! We have many guns! Agrona crush their heads with hammer, no matter how big they be!”
“We’ve got a path, but it involves you listening to my friend here! This is the Prince of Detrot. You know him?”
“Agrona care not for any pony prince! Agrona protects these ponies!”
A homely orange stallion in a suit vest who was barely a fifth the yak’s size sidled up to her from one side of the road, scuffing the surface with one hoof. “M-Miss Agrona, maybe we should listen—”
“No! If dragons come, we defend! Get pickets ready to fight!”
I put a hoof over my face and sighed, running through the fastest of the zebra relaxation techniques one of my teachers taught me: imagine the thing that’s irritating you being eaten by a lion. It may be unorthodox, but it’s gotten me through many, many scrapes and saved my relationship with Hardy on too many occasions to count. Love him I might, but I’d considered feeding him to a giant cat about three times a week since this stupid adventure began.
‘The need for diplomacy is satisfied.’
‘Thank Celestia,’ I replied, internally. ‘I needed to work off some stress today.’
‘You will have a great deal more to work off, soon.’
‘I didn’t need to know that.’
‘Yes, you did. This yak is weak in both back knees and her liver is in poor condition. If you punch her abdomen, it will rupture and kill her.’
‘Is that a warning or a tip?’
‘Yes.’
I looked over at Precious who was testily tapping the end of his cane on the pavement. “Do you mind if I deal with this?” I asked.
“Ah would appreciate it if ya would. If Ah wore a watch or had ever seen one, Ah imagine it would be tellin’ me time is runnin’ short.”
Tugging off my saddlebags and P.E.A.C.E. cannon, I set them on the ground beside him. Limbering up my shoulders, I stretched out on all fours, then rose up on my back legs and took a few shadow jabs at the air. It felt good to move, again. I’d been sitting on my flank too long and a nice fight always does me good.
More creatures were on the highway behind Agrona, just watching us, their weapons at rest. It was a strange collection of business suits with shotguns and foals in baseball caps carting pistols or knives or baseball bats. They all looked exhausted, but interested enough not to be shooting at me just yet.
Throwing out my chest, I started trotting toward the huge yak. The cold wind was biting into my pelt, but I ignored it. Snow had started to fall, interspersed with a light rain that was adding to my chill.
“Agrona! I challenge you for the leadership of these people!” I shouted.
It was a stretch, really.
I knew almost nothing about Yak culture, other than that they took challenges very personally and took leadership very seriously.
Watching Agrona perk right up gave me a tinge of a worry, however. She hefted her warhammer, spun it around her head and even around one horn before clenching it under one foreleg, pointing that giant hunk of stone at me like a spear. I couldn’t help but notice there was an especially sharp looking point on top of it.
‘She will kill you if she hits you.’’
‘I am aware of that, thank you!’
“Pony one of the crazy ones Agrona hears about?” the yak called, a mocking tone in her voice.
The small stallion at her side tried to speak again. “Miss Agrona, that’s...The Prince of Detrot and Taxi. She’s Hard Boiled’s bodyguard and driver. They say she once killed—”
“Do not care what ‘they’ say! Step back, Rush Light! Agrona will smash this pony, then we defend against dragons, then send scouts out to find way away from here! We not check north side, yet. There is old diamond dog tunnel! Now go stand over there till Agrona done.”
Rush Light glanced in my direction and mouthed the words, ‘I hope you can get through to her. She means well.’ before shrugging helplessly as he backed up against the railing at the edge of the highway. Everypony else was just watching, waiting to see what happened.
If there’s one obnoxious reality most ponies have to confront at some point in their lives, it’s that we’re herd animals. We tend to follow whoever looks like they’ll be able to keep us safest. Plenty of ponies stay in crap jobs because their boss has the air of someone who can ‘get things done’, even if they’re a monumental dumpster fire.
The ponies of the refugee train had seen me fly in with a war scooter being pulled by a pair of dragons, but Agrona had most likely rounded them up, armed them, and gotten them safely out of whatever horrid parts of the city they’d been tucked away in. I might have a bit of Gypsy’s storybook charm, but they’d seen the massive yak work and that counts for an awful lot. It didn’t help that the closer I got, the bigger she looked.
‘Are you sure about this?’
‘We have not, to date, fought anything that posed a threat. The dragoness, Propana, poses a threat. This yak needs a simple attitude adjustment. Incidentally, her hammer is enchanted.’
“Do you accept my challenge?” I demanded, raising my voice again so the crowd of watching creatures at the edges of the highway could hear me. More were joining them every second and I had a small worry as to how we were going to get them all out of there, even with the coming help of the Marked.
Agrona didn’t even hesitate. “Agrona accepts! Smash crazy mare flat! All the rest of you, no interfere! She mine!”
I glanced at Precious and asked, “May I have a tune? Something that says ‘hoof fight’?”
Settling down on the road, Precious swung his guitar across his legs. “Heh, Ah know just the thing.”
With that, he started in on one of his classics, ‘The Mare Who Caught Liberty Valencia.’
One of my favorites. It’s the tale of a hard drinking lawmare taking down the most wanted criminal in Equestria with a bit of cleverness, a bit of cunning, and - at the end - a good’ol kick to the head.
I broke into a gallop, charging towards Agrona as she rose up on her rear hooves, then came down with a fearful stomp that shook the highway under me. I barely kept my legs as the concrete split in a line right between my knees, opening an inch wide crack. Her giant hammer came around in an arc, burying itself in the road surface, a shockwave of air crashing outwards from it in my direction.
I threw myself at the asphalt, covering my ears with both forehooves. The compression wave energy pushed my fur back, but didn’t deafen or disorient me as I’d no doubt she intended it to. Mercy, that was a mean trick.
‘You need to remain calm.’
‘I am frickin’ calm!’
Rising, I threw myself forward again as Agrona gave me a slightly confused look, no doubt wondering why I wasn’t writhing around on the ground clutching my skull. At five meters the female yak realized she was not taking me down the easy way. She swung her giant hammer in a wide arc, releasing another shockwave of nearly invisible energy at around chest height. I rolled under it, coming onto all fours with my heart pounding.
‘Incoming, move left.’
I ducked to the left as, with frightening speed, the butt end of the hammer snapped around and would have sent me flying if I’d been standing there. I stepped in close and snapped a hoof out, catching Agrona on the chin with what should have been enough force to lay out a full grown stallion. We stood there for a second, staring at each other, my toe on her slightly scrunched muzzle. She looked surprised, but it quickly morphed to anger.
She let out a breathy growl and dipped her head.
‘Jump!’
I launched myself off the ground, putting a little more strength into the leap than I’d intended, but it was enough to carry me over Agrona’s sudden headbutt and onto her back. Bouncing along her spine, I did a quick tap dance across her shoulders, trying to find some pressure point that would actually work on her unfamiliar anatomy. Nothing seemed to be where it should be and her muscles were making everything difficult.
‘Can you help me out here?’ I begged.
‘We are helping. If we are not allowed to kill her, you must continue fighting until another option presents itself.’
Hopping off of Agrona’s backside, I aimed a fierce buck at her rear thigh. It was like kicking concrete, but the shot hit her in the calf muscle which buckled for a second. She staggered, catching herself with her hammer.
‘Down!’
I had only an instant to get out of the way before she lashed her massive tail around her side, almost swatting me in the face. For a second, I didn’t register why she’d done it, but then I saw something glinting in her thick fur; Agrona had wrapped her tail in razor wire.
‘Really likes her dirty tricks, doesn’t she?’
‘An artifact from childhood. She needs to feel in control because she was bullied—’
‘Relevant information only, please!’
‘You need to duck.’
Agrona’s kick made a whistling wind as it sailed by my head. Reaching inside her guard I tagged her knee and she staggered the second she put weight on it. I used the time to dance sideways, turn on all fours, and hit her in the hip with both rear hooves, apple-buckin’ style.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t watching that stupid tail.
She caught me across the cheek with the end of it,slitting my muzzle open like a grapefruit. It was little more than a love-tap, but I tasted blood and felt the razor kiss the side of my tongue for a half second. The pain was a sharp shot of adrenaline.
The hammer followed the strike and getting out of the way almost cost me a broken knee as I stumbled nose over tail, coming up on all fours just as she unleashed another shockwave right where I’d been standing just a second before. The explosion sent me flying, unfortunately right into Agrona’s face. Latching onto the horns of her helmet with both forelegs, we stared at each other, again from a much more intimate position.
Then she went to bite my stomach.
She got a good mouth-full of my tummy fur and yanked a bare patch out, tossing her head back and forth as she tried to send me for a flight.
‘Oh we are done! Nerves for her eyes?!’
‘You need to strike above each brow ridge. She will not be permanently blinded.’
‘I’ll take it!’
Hauling my weight up with her horns, I planted both back hooves on the end of her enormous muzzle, shoved the helmet back as I gave the huge yak a pair of harsh taps to the forehead just above her eyelids. That done, I leapt backwards onto the wet pavement, bracing to need a follow up. Agrona’s furious gaze centered on me for just a second and, if I’m honest, I was worried it hadn’t worked. Then, her expression changed to one of fear as her left eye started to drift off slightly. Her right pupil contracted and she covered it with one hoof.
“W-what pony do to Agrona?” she stammered, taking several steps back as she pulled her hammer across herself, taking the weapon’s haft in her teeth. “Agrona cannot see!”
“Light damage to your optic nerves,” I said, dusting my hooves. “You’ll get your sight back, eventually. Do you yield? I can deafen you, too, but I’d rather you could hear my orders. We’ve got lives to save and this is wasting time.”
The yak bared her teeth which still had bits my fur stuck between them.
“Agrona...” she began, then trailed off.
I coughed and her head swung several inches to the left so she was actually facing me.
“Agrona is blind, there’s a storm blowing, and there are a bunch of dragons coming,” I said, icily. “You think you can hit them with that magic hammer if you can’t see them?”
The cogs in the yak’s mind clicked over one another and she heaved a great sigh, dropping her warhammer’s head into the concrete. Giving herself a shake, she slung a torrent of water off her back and leaned against her weapon’s haft, making a sour face in something like my general direction.
“Agrona did not stand an actual chance, did she?” she asked.
I spit a mouthful of blood on the pavement and shrugged. “You got me a good one with your tail. That’s more than most and no stallion ever hit me that hard. Now, let’s see about this camp of yours.”
Turning to the side of the highway, Agrona shut her eyes and shouted, “Rush Light! Rush Light, you there?”
The young stallion shuffled his way forward from the crowd of creatures who’d begun to gather on the highway.
“Yes, Miss Agrona?”
The yak gestured somewhere relatively near me with her chin. “Yellow mare is in charge, now. Agrona is going to find a taco before we run away from the dragons. Must be a taco left in the world. May need someone to guide Agrona to the taco.”
Leaving her hammer where it lay, buried in the road surface, Agrona stumped off toward the side of the highway.
Rush Light swallowed and turned back to me, tugging at the edge of his jacket nervously.
“I...I may faint,” he muttered, then pulled himself straight. “W-were you serious about the dragons coming? Why isn’t Hard Boiled here t-to stop them?”
“Hardy is taking care of something even worse than the dragons,” I replied, and looked off to the east. Just at that moment, a small flicker of orange light boiled through the clouds. “How quickly can you assemble this camp to move? We have minutes.”
The stallion’s shivering increased as he wobbled on his legs. “I...I mean, most of us have only been here a few days. How much can we take?”
“Nothing significant. One bag, at most, but if we drive off the dragons we’ll see to it ponies can come back and claim their possessions. There will be food and water, but argument means death. I need to call back to my ride.”
“The...the War Scooter we saw? You flew in that?”
“How did you think I got out here?” I asked, then turned back to where Precious still waited on the road behind me. “Could you have somepony look after him?”
“A-are you going away?” he asked, plaintively, his eyes wide and frightened.
“For a minute, yes, then I’ll be back. I want you to get somepony to every sewer grate and ponyhole cover you can find and start getting them off. We’re going to be evacuating into the sewers.”
“B-but I can’t...c-can’t give orders!” he squeaked, his breath hitching as he stumbled back a couple of steps.
‘He can. He was not always this quivering mess. The trauma of the last month has unmade him. He needs to be reminded of Dust Devil.’
‘Dust Devil?’
‘You need to hurry.’
Putting on my very best 'affirming, inspiring, not-at-all-crazy-eyed’ face I laid a hoof on his shoulder and leaned close, pulling him against my side gently so I could put my muzzle near his ear.
“Rush Light. Remember Dust Devil? Think about Dust Devil. You can do this. These people need you. The city needs you. You won’t let any of us down, will you?”
“D-Dust Devil?” he whispered, pulling back a little. “How do you kn-know about her and—”
“You won’t let her down, will you?” I insisted, resting my cheek against his. “You won’t let the city down. You can get these ponies organized. Go get the Prince of Detrot and have him walk with you. I’ll send another pony to help. She’s got an awful lot of experience in these things. Right now, though...you, Rush Light, have to get them to listen to you. Can you do it?”
I’d no idea what memory I’d just sparked in him. My talent seemed to know, but I wasn’t interested in delving deep into the poor stallion’s psyche just then. Whatever the case, he seemed to grow a little taller, his shoulders straightening as he lifted his head from what I felt sure had become a habitual slouch.
Rush Light put a hoof to his forehead and murmured, “I...I can do it. It’s just like organizing a conference, right? Get them to listen, get them on your side, get them to apply what you tell them.”
I stepped back and nodded toward the gathered crowd, then turned to face them myself.
“People of Detrot!” I projected as far as I could. “If you haven’t heard of me, my name is Taxi! I am here because Hard Boiled—who you may know as Dead Heart or the Bulldog—is determined to keep you safe!”
I waited a few seconds for those words to have an impact. The beings at the front of the crowd started looking back and forth at one another, then a tiny filly in a blue dress with no cutie-mark stepped forward. She looked exhausted, her makeup streaked with days of tears she hadn’t bothered to clean off. Still, she managed a nervous smile.
“H-He’s real? Hard B-Boiled is real?” she squeaked.
“As real as me!” I replied, then turned back to the rest. “We are organizing an evacuation to a safe location! There is food and water! You can take one personal item and I’ll make sure you can come back to retrieve the rest of your belongings, but we have only limited time to make it happen! Rush Light, who I’m sure you all know, will be organizing things alongside the Prince of Detrot, who will answer any questions you have while you walk. Listen to them as though they speak with Hard Boiled’s voice. He is listening, right now, via a magic spell. He’s out there getting ready to fight the monsters who have driven you from your homes, and if he succeeds you’’ll get to go back to them one day soon! You can help him by getting to safety!”
Little lies and big lies, with just enough truth to spice it all up. I supposed they needed those. I sure as crap did.
Turning on my heel and without another word, I galloped back to where Precious still sat in the road, casually tuning his guitar with thin rain rolling off his shaking shoulders.
“Phew! Alright! Situation handled!” I said.
“Ah d-do wish Ah’d gotten to see it,” he replied, slotting his instrument onto his back as he picked up his cane. “Always the plumber’s curse, Ah guess. We get to hear about the ‘big events’ after they happen. Still, sounded right excitin’. Ya convince’em to get movin’?”
Instead of replying, I picked up my saddlebags which were right where I’d left them, then fished out my walkie-talkie and pressed the ‘send’ key.
“Apple Bloom?”
There was a momentary scramble on the other end of the line, then it was picked up. “Here, filly. Ah saw that little display. Ah’ve also got big movement in the skies. Wherever she is, Propana ain’t far. Ya need me out there?”
“You’re in charge of the crowd,” I answered, tapping my chin as I watched the clouds overhead. I couldn’t tell if what was going on up there was just a normal, albeit super-charged storm or if it was dragonfire making the clouds light up like lanterns. “They’re scared, but a pony named Rush Light will be your best resource. Take Precious, get him warm, and start getting people into the sewers. Tourniquet is sending her people and they’ll be here soon.”
“What are you plannin’ on doin’?”
“Making this up as I go along. I’ll be back at the War Scooter in a second.”
Just then, Rush Light trotted up to us, breathing heavily as rain sloughed off his shoulders. “Alright, Miss Taxi. I spoke to the others. We have a sort of informal council Miss Agrona used to get things done. There was some argument, but...I told them Hard Boiled wanted us to do this and they shut up. Is this the Prince of Detrot?”
‘Precious is falling into hypothermia. He needs heat or he’ll go into shock within the next twenty minutes.’
“Yes,” I replied, digging through my saddlebags for an emergency blanket I kept in one of the pockets. I quickly unfolded it and tossed the foil sheet around the elderly pony’s shoulders, before grabbing Rush Light by one shoulder and shoving him under it. “Your job is now to keep him alive. Don’t let him be cold and don’t let him run himself out. He will try to comfort literally everyone he interacts with.”
Precious shot a slightly amused look at me, but still sidled a bit closer to Rush’s side. “Filly, Ah want to say yer wrong, but Ah know mahself. Besides, Ah have this feelin’ yer gonna act the mother-hen whether Ah like it or not.”
“I...I’ve been told I’m not allowed to die today,” I said, putting a hoof on his sequin-covered chest. I could feel his heart fluttering a little under my hoof, but it seemed to be calming. “That means you don’t get to die today. Tomorrow, a year from now, a century from now, maybe you can rest. Today, Detrot needs its Prince.”
The ancient stallion gave me his crooked smile and, for a moment, the decades on his face fell away. His milk-white eyes shimmered. He was the young, vibrant creature who’d wowed people all across Equestria. He’d never gotten to see his audiences’ applause, but he heard them.
I’d never asked exactly why he settled in our fair city. Maybe he was born here, or maybe it was just the right place to be. I’d never thought to ask just how old he was or where he was from. He’d always been ‘The Prince’ and that was enough.
They say that cities have souls.
If he was the soul of ours, maybe there was something in it worth saving.
Apple Bloom’s clomping hoofsteps broke into my thoughts as she appeared through the sheets of heavy rain, her stetson low over her face. She took in Rush Light and Precious standing side-by-side under the blanket, then me with my matted mane and the blood dripping from my slashed cheek.
“Had fun did ya?” she commented.
“It was a fight, yes,” I replied, glancing back at where Agrona’s warhammer still sat in the street. “What’s our situation?”
“Well, Miss Taxi, Ah gotta say this ain’t gonna be the most fun evacuation Ah’ve ever been part of,” the old mare grumbled, slinging water off her hooves. “Our robotic little friend has got alla’ the city sluices open ta keep the sewers from floodin’, but if it keeps up like this there might not be a thing we can do. The Bay of Unity is awful high on its shores.”
“Then you need to make friends with this pony, here,” I added, gesturing at Rush Light who was looking back and forth between us with a bemused expression. “Bloom, Rush Light. Rush Light, Bloom. Listen to her like you’d listen to me. She’s the most dangerous pony you’ve ever met or heard of.”
Rush light gulped and nodded. “I’m pretty sure you already took that crown, Ma’am, but...I am pleased to meet the three of you, likewise. Our organizing council is just a few smart ponies, but people listen to them. I told them to get everyone up and ready to move. We set a sort of...emergency code so one of us could override anypony’s objections if there was a bad enough need.”
“Miss Bloom, can you take things from here?” I asked, glancing back towards the War Scooter. “I need to get back in the air. If Propana is coming anywhere, it’s to the one thing in the city that might directly threaten her.”
My walkie-talkie crackled for a second, then Firebrand’s voice came through it.
“I do not know if you can hear me, but I do believe you should come back...now, Madame Taxi,” the dragoness said in a purposefully composed tone that made me even more nervous, “A dead griffin just landed on the roof of our vehicle. At least, I think it is a griffin. It is too charred to tell.”
I don’t know what my face looked like at this news, but Rush Light and Apple Bloom both sidled a couple steps in the opposite direction.
“I will be right there.”
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Taxi's talent is scary as shit, glad to see she's finally getting along with it
Wooo! What a chapter! Can't wait for the inevitable showdown next chapter!
Also looking forward to how Taxi and the Shine work together. :)
Ooof, a brutal bit of fighting, though a love tap in regards, still quite the setup for whats going to be a great scene. Especially with the mark going full tilt.
10131952
Her talent hasn't gone full psycho yet. That is for next chapter
-Chessie
The refugees need to start moving through the sewers quickly, just to clear the access grates at least, and preferably the diversionary tunels and flow control gates. A dragon that big is going to put a Lot of high pressure fire against the ground, and any open tunnel is going to confine it till it finds another way out, no matter who it has to go through to get there.
Still wondering about magic shields, armor etc on the big dragon. Because how else is it going to stop Taxi from goading it to fly high after her, strike it in a wing joint to disable it, and have Neighton in response slap it with a planet?
10132096 You'll have to see, won't you?
-Chessie
I love the dynamic between Taxi and her Voice, I wish we’d gotten more like this earlier in the story, it’s so fascinating.
10133359
I do, too, but this story has been all about leaving people wanting more. If someone likes her enough, maybe they'll write their own story about her.
-Chessie
10133481
Chessie Im bad at writing :(((((
Time for Sweet Shine to really shine.
keep up the good work! stay safe and healthy _/\_
Slip Stitch can be the new laughter, Swift loyalty, Limerence honesty, Taxi kindness, Stella generosity, and as the spark that made them all appear, Hardy can be magic by process of elimination?
10145326 This story isn't that nice...hehehe...
-Chessie
Hey, I want you to know that I still think that you're awesome.
10149664
Thanks. I promise, will try my hardest to keep writing through current events.
-Chessie
10149719
I'm more concerned that you take care of yourself. You've done so much for all of us already.
Chessie, I've been reading this story for about 2 years and it just keeps getting better. Best of luck during this pandemic, the very selfish part of me hopes you make it through okay just so this get finished! 7.5 years..... dang! (As in impressive that you've kept at it this long! )
10156765
I'm still writing. I promise. We'll get through this and the story will be finished here very soon. It'll be a worthy ending, too.
-Chessie
Man, I took a break from this story like three years ago. Forgot about it. And just came back to see it's still going.
I remember thinking we were near the end when I stopped thirty-five chapters ago.
I'm going to need to read the whole thing again.
10180283
We ARE near the end. Like, 4 chapters from the end. It'll be done soon!
-Chessie
10185857
Heh, safe to say I don't like her.
10192215
And it goes
Man this chapter was great
Because really, every city needs some of those!
I feel like one of them is missing the point ... just not sure which one.
Why, did she once kill two ponies in a bar with only a pencil?
This is a relaxation technique i need to try.
Well, better luck than looking for a twinkie.
Pretty sure your face looked like imminent vengeance, Taxi ... or a really annoyed Karen, either one gets people looking for an excuse to move away.
This makes me think of a couple of movies where they stole armor trucks by doing something similar
I know this probably isn't the song you had in mind, but during the fight with Argona all I heard was this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn9C1vKd7Gc
10622042
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDN4L7cAQf0 Heh, this was the song I had in mind.
-Chessie
Oh come on. It's this story. Either she died terribly or there's the sappiest pair of sesbians somewhere back in history that you ever did see.