Act 3 Chapter 57 : Sleeping With Monsters
Prosthetic technology has come a long way in recent decades, but true mechanization has eluded most of ponykind. With the exception of a few outliers, most ponies are unaware of the true extent of what was discovered in the wake of the Cutie-Mark Crusades. It must be said, this was on purpose.
While Princess Luna championed the rapid advance of technology, Princess Celestia was more cautious. She believed that technology would one day be the salvation of pony-kind, but that we still had some way to go before we were ready for what would inevitably come from genuinely custom cybernetics. The abuse of those technologies during the war gave her considerable ammunition to slow their development. Much of what was learned is now locked away in the vaults of Canterlot Castle or the private laboratories of the royal sisterhood.
It has often been said, however, that knowledge is a one way street. Once gained, little is lost. The future always comes, regardless of our efforts to restrain it.
-The Scholar
The headlong gallop up the stairs left me panting for breath. Considering Stella wouldn’t give me any more details and, short of shooting him, I couldn’t think of a good way to force them out, I was left with only a location and a brooding lizard.
I’d had to stop to ask several Stilettos for directions, which they were happy to give. Maybe a little too happy. It only occurred to me three quarters of the way there that I hadn’t bothered to put my surgical mask back on or cover my cutie-marks.
The hallway with Scarlet’s room was one of the few I’d been through that wasn’t absolutely packed with the injured. A couple cots with injured ponies were wedged against the walls, though most looked heavily sedated. One young stallion in nursing scrubs was moving from body to body, checking vitals and changing bags of I.V. solution dangling from frames above the sleepers, but he paid me no mind.
Trotting to Scarlet’s door, I started to knock.
‘Why?’ I thought, ‘Why do this to yourself, Hardy? Why not wait until everything is over?’
It wasn’t a worthy feeling, but how much more could I take?
I shivered, sliding onto my front knees as the panic built in my system. I needed rest. Emotional rest. Physical rest. Food.
I needed to cry.
‘Strong. Be strong.’
A light touch on my shoulder brought me jerking upright, swinging around to confront my assailant. I had my trigger bit in my teeth and my revolver aimed in the time it took to blink. It was another second before I realized it wasn’t some dark beast from the blackest corner of equine imaginings.
“D-Deadheart?” the wide-eyed nurse stammered, dropping his hoof.
“That’s me,” I growled, letting my trigger fall out of my muzzle as I sagged back to the carpet. “You know the pony who stays here?”
His expression jerked from bright excitement to trepidation as he took in exactly where he was. He looked, if anything, as tired as I felt. His dark blue mane was drawn into a fashionless bun and his hooves were swollen, probably from hours on them without a break.
“Scarlet?” he asked. “I...yes, I know him. Does Mistress Stella know you’re here?”
“Do you think I’d be here if Stella didn’t know?”
“Oh...I…” He frowned a little. “I guess not. You can go right in, if you want to see him. He should be awake. If he managed to sleep like...like that, I think it would be a miracle. He wouldn’t take any sedatives. Said we should use them on ponies who aren’t used to pain.”
I choked down the urge to snap at the nurse. Anger was bubbling just below the surface, the cop’s traditional response to fear. It helped when the bullets started flying, but damned if it wasn’t inconvenient in a hospital.
“How bad is he?” I asked.
The stallion’s heavily pierced ears lay back against his head. “I wasn’t with the doctors who checked him, but...I can tell you this isn’t the critical care wing. I don’t know if his other visitor left. I’ve been a little preoccupied—”
“Wait...other visitor?”
He moved to the next patient on the row—a sleeping filly with most of the fur on her forehead burned off—and continued his rounds. “Mmmhmmm. A real old mare with funny looking back legs. She moved like somepony in her teens, but she’s gotta be older than the hills. I didn’t get her name.”
I tried to think who that might be, but the exhaustion was getting the better of me. My brain felt like it was full of hot porridge.
“That’s...That’s fine. Look, there might be a bunch of ponies coming this way at some point…” I started, then trailed off.
“I’ll tell them I haven’t seen you,” he said, quickly, with a cockeyed smile.
“Thanks.”
Putting a hoof on the door-handle, I took one last breath, shut my eyes, and slipped inside, shutting it behind me.
I stood there, looking at the darkness behind my eyelids, willing myself to breathe. I didn't want to breathe. I wanted to be dead; dead and safe, in the beyond where sweet little stallions like Scarlet didn’t need to suffer.
‘Open your eyes, Hardy,’ a voice whispered. Whether it was my own or one of the other strange occupants of my quickly overcrowding brain, I couldn’t have said. I didn’t really care.
‘Open your eyes.’
“Hardy!” A voice squeaked, “Oh my skies! Hardy! You’re here?!”
I jumped and my eyes popped open.
The room was dim, lit only by the Wonderbolt lamp on Scarlet’s bedside table.
Scarlet was sitting propped on a half dozen pillows, a glowing smile on his face and a blanket pulled up to his waist as he held out his hooves in my direction. He looked exhausted, his mane matted to his neck and bags under his eyes, but his eyes were bright.
I don’t remember crossing the room, but I was in his forelegs a half second later, breathing his flowery perfume and feeling his hitched breathing as he hugged me tightly. I held him for a long moment, my eyes filled with tears. He ran a toe around the edge of my hat brim, then tipped it back. I didn’t have to be asked twice; I doubt my breath was pleasant but his kiss was sweet, anyway. I could feel him smiling into the liplock and wanted nothing more than to spend the day right there, kissing the sweet colt, listening to his breathing and reassuring myself that he was alright.
Behind me, somepony politely cleared their throat.
I didn’t want to let go, but Scarlet pulled back, giving me a little chuck under the chin. His eyes were bright and his cheeks stained with tears.
Turning, I found myself face to face with Apple Bloom, who’d been sitting rather unobtrusively in the corner on a short stool. The ancient, yellow mare’s skin looked like parchment wrapped around a pony frame as she rested, one forehoof propped under her chin and her robotic back legs dangling off to one side. She wore an elaborate brown tool belt that draped across her chest and shoulders like a bandolier. A threadbare red bow of thick ribbon was perched in her mane; it looked almost as old as she was.
“Well? Go on! Show was jus’ gittin’ good.”
Against all odds, I felt my cheeks heat up.
Scarlet quickly came to my rescue.
“Sorry, Miss Bloom. I’m not really in a condition, but if Hardy is interested later, once I’m better, my rates are posted out front—”
I pulled my hat down over my face and breathed a sigh.
“Stella wouldn’t tell me what happened to you,” I murmured.
Scarlet’s ears swept back against his head as he looked down at his lower body, still covered by the sheet. I noticed a series of unusual lumps that didn’t seem to be quite the right shape for equine legs. Reaching down, I grabbed the sheet in my teeth and started to pull it back.
“Hardy, you don’t need to see this,” he muttered.
I dropped the sheet and gave him a hard look. “Then tell me. How bad is it?”
He took my face in both of his hooves, pulling me up on top of him. I was careful not to put any weight on his lower body.
“I was running messages for After Glow when the grenade went off in her face. She shielded herself and most of the ponies around her, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.”
“You’re still dodging,” I grumbled.
“Saying it out loud makes it ‘real’, you know?” he whispered, and I felt a couple teardrops land on my cheek as he continued, “My tail is gone and my cutie-marks will have to grow back.”
“That...that doesn’t sound like the worst that could have happened,” I said, blinking at him. He gave me a wan smile and lowered his face into my mane.
Apple Bloom let out an exasperated snort. “Ah’ll be damned if Ah ever met a colt with cojones as big as this un’s. He’s tryin’ to save ya from worryin’ about him, Detective. Ya think Ah would be in here iffin’ that was the end of it?”
“Then you tell me, dammit!” I barked, though Scarlet only hugged me tighter. I couldn’t be truly angry in his embrace. It wasn’t in me.
“That grenade was covered in some kinda poison that these bastards like ta use to break spell shields,” The elderly mare replied, sadly. “It says somethin’ about Glow that she managed to block it anyway. Her eyes will recover. Most of it were scratches, ‘cept the one that cut her cornea. Dug that out mahself.” She paused, then waved away her own digression with a flick of her tail. “Yer colt here was closer to the blast. Got shrapnel in his fe-moral arteries and the surroundin’ muscles. Some quick tourniquets kept him from bleedin’ out, but we can’t magic the metal out and the cells’r dyin’ in spots. Surgery will get the bits out of his flank, but...the ones in his legs means he might lose’em below the knees.”
That rage I’d been suppressing came roaring back and I squirmed in Scarlet’s legs, trying not to brace against him while still trying to wriggle away. I’m pretty sure if he’d let me up, I’d have taken a swing at Apple Bloom. Fortunately, he was also an earth pony, and that counts for an awful lot when you’ve got decent leverage.
I’m sure Apple Bloom was just being honest in her mind, but I was beyond rational, comfortable anger to a place where I needed to hit something. Sometimes I wonder if she’d have let me take my shot. An old, heavily augmented Crusader wasn’t likely to be much bothered by a punch from an exhausted, emotionally drained victim of far-too-many circumstances.
Somepony hurt the stallion I cared about. Somepony was going to die for that.
After a few seconds of fighting with him, I let out a soft whimper and fell onto my side, groaning into his barrel.
“Are you going to do anything dumb if I take my legs off you, Hardy?” Scarlet asked.
“...yes…” I mumbled, slumping miserably in my injured colt’s embrace.
Apple Bloom slid off her chair and trotted to the end of the bed, resting a hoof on my hip. “Like Ah said, wouldn’t be here if Ah didn’t think Ah was needed.”
I peered out of one eye at her. “Miss Apple, I am worn to the bone. If you’ve got anything useful to say, say it.”
“Hrmph...Don’t guess Ah can blame ya fer bein’ a grumpy git,” she huffed, then rested her mechanical hip against the wall. “Well, seein’ as more’n a few of mah people got hurt through the years, Ah spent time working on some shiny new prosthetics. Only thing Ah didn’ have? Money. Got the tech, but don’t got the materials. Bein’ a gang boss for a buncha kids in the most dangerous part of Detrot don’t exactly pay out like yah’d think.”
I blinked and shook my head. “What’s that got to do with right now? I don’t think the materials are in this hole.”
Scarlet gave my ear a light nip. “Hey, goofus. Don’t forget whose home this ‘hole’ is.”
“Right. Sorry…”
Apple Bloom smirked and gave me a poke in the thigh. “Yer’ Deadheart. The Bulldog. Ain’t never heard a whole city refer to one pony like that, cept maybe Canterlot talkin’ about the Princesses. Ya pull off savin’ the Princesses, Ah don’t think they’re gonna smart too hard at spendin’ some Royal bits on onea the ponies what helped ya. If they’re dead, then whoever comes next ain’t gonna be no slouch, either. Maybe Miss Sparkle.”
Taking a breath deep enough to make my lungs hurt, I tried to force calm. Nerves, anger, and depression have their place and their time; Scarlet needed me.
“What’s different about these prosthetics you’ve come up with?” I asked, tilting my chin in the direction of her rear legs. “Those look pretty special.”
“These old things are bucket’s’o’rust compared to mah new designs!” She let out a girlish giggle that was tinged with very-old-mad-scientist. “Ah got synthetic skin sussed! Feels jus’ like the real deal, cept ain’t warm. Ah’ll work out an internal heater, one day. Best bit? Full sensory return!”
Scarlet pulled himself a bit higher in the bed, tugging the sheet along. It was then that I became fully aware of the smell coming off of him; he was soaked in a thick layer of sweat.
“Isn’t that g-good news, Hardy?” he said, quickly covering the catch in his voice with an over-wide smile. I felt my cop senses start to kick in. His hooves were trembling, though he quickly caught where my eyes were and forced them still.
I sat back and gave him a careful appraisal.
“Scarlet, that nurse outside said you refused pain meds,” I said.
His smile twitched, then faded. “I work in an escort parlor. I might keep myself in good shape, but I’m not unfamiliar with sadistic or aggressive clients. Besides...I’m in charge of the logistics. I know how many medications we had stored.”
“So?! You shouldn’t be sitting here suffering!”
Reaching out, Scarlet cupped my cheek in his hoof. I unconsciously rubbed my muzzle against it. His eyes were full of sympathy, though tears still gathered at their corners.
“We don’t have enough pain medications, Hardy,” he explained. “The hospital needs them for patients who can’t handle it. I’m not dying and if I know Stella, he’s already got a team of ponies heading to a pain management clinic or a hospital or something. I promise, I’ll be fine.”
“Scarlet, how can you be so calm about this? You’re going to l-lose your le—”
He put his toe over my lips, silencing me before I could finish.
“I might. I might not. If I do, then you’ll save the world so I’ll get shiny new ones.” He winked and scuffed my mane down over my face. “I can cover them in rhinestones and be the swankiest colt in Equestria.”
My heart was pounding as I slid off his bed. My throat felt like it was full of cotton. He was such a sweet stallion and didn’t deserve to be in the firing line of a world gone mad.
It was another moment before I registered the sensation in my cutie-mark. It was very specific and filled me with a sense of purpose. Fiery heat radiated out from the scales on my flank, though it wasn’t painful.
My thoughts flashed back to all the dead who’d carried me to that moment, standing there in the Vivarium over my...whatever he was...and for an instant, I felt their eyes upon me. They were expectant. They were certain. They knew my weaknesses and they knew I could fail, but still their faith rested on my shoulders.
From somewhere in the shadowed places of my mind, a whisper broke into my thoughts.
‘Justice will be done.’
There was a polite knock on Scarlet’s door that jolted me out of my contemplation.
Scarlet gave me one more smile, then raised his voice and called, “Come in!”
The door opened and Lily Blue stood there with a pair of unicorns flanking her that couldn’t have been more different if they tried. One was a stallion, pudgy and dingy red, like a strawberry icecream they’d been dropped in hot pepper, while his companion was a towering mare with a horn that almost brushed the door sill. She wore a dapper pantsuit and had a permanent sour-faced look that shrieked ‘no nonsense’.
“Oh, hey Hardy! I wondered why Stella wanted us to come here! You need some unicorns who know their illusion and enchantment spells?” Lily said, poking her head inside. “Hey Scarlet. Are you doing okay?”
“I’ve been better, Miss Blue,” he replied, waving a hoof over his legs, then jerking his head in my direction. “Are you here to get him a bath? I’d give him one myself, but it’s hard to scrub a back from a wheelchair.”
“Heh, Ah wondered what that was,” Bloom commented, tapping the side of her muzzle. “Lost most of mah sense of smell in back in thirty-five to an acid breather, but Ah sure as heck scent that.”
“I don’t care who he is! He shall be cleaned before I let my horn anywhere near him!” the tall, snooty-looking mare added. Her companion just nodded, silently, wrinkling his nose.
“Alright, alright, I get it, I stink,” I said, holding up my hooves. “Show me to the soap.”
----
The room Lily led me to was just off Scarlet’s hallway and tucked into the back of one of the empty ‘general use’ rooms. A giant clawfoot tub was already steaming in the center of the tiled room and filled right to the top with bubbles. Whoever had filled it was nowhere to be found, but considering Stella’s near precognizant staff, it wasn’t hard to imagine somepony filling this tub just because it was the closest. I shrugged and began disrobing as Lily shut the door, leaving her two companions outside.
“So. Illusion magic, then?” I prompted, pulling my hat off and setting it at the foot of the tub.
“Ruby Blue brings out the shine in jewels. I bring out the shine in cherries,” Lily giggled as she started to pull her blood-spattered scrub top off. “By the by, Stella didn’t tell us what you needed a bunch of enchanters for. What are you having us enchant?”
I shrugged my trenchcoat off and piled it alongside my hat, then almost yelped as a gentle pulse of tingling magic surrounded my gun harness, unfastening the straps and pulling loose the buckles. I snatched the Crusader out of its holster before Lily could levitate it off me along with everything else, then set it beside the tub in easy reach. She gave the gun a curious look, then shrugged and pulled a stool from behind the bathroom door, hopping up on it as she squirmed out of her scrubs pants.
I had to stop myself from checking her out too aggressively; all that farm work really did leave her with some magnificent thighs.
“My hat. There’s a dragon scale in the front that I’ll need fiddled with.”
“Dragonscale?” she asked, picking up my hat and tapping metallic scale hidden inside. “Well, you couldn’t have picked a better thing to enchant, I guess. Dragons might resist magic, but their scales are really good spell conductors.”
I tilted my head to give her a look out of one eye. “How does a farmpony know that?”
Lily rolled her lovely eyes at the question. “I did go to magic school, you know. Illusion classes are what every school aged unicorn mare looks forward to and hates worst when she gets there. Now, in the tub with you!”
“Wait, why are you getting undres—”
Her horn flashed and I was yanked bodily off the tile as gravity seemed to reverse itself under me. Before I could work up an appropriately dignified protest, I was dumped muzzle first into the piping hot water. My hooves slid along the bottom as scented bubbles shot straight up my nose, leaving me coughing and spluttering as I tried not to fall straight on my rear.
A second later, the water rose a few inches, right up to my muzzle. I gave a start as a pair of warm legs wrapped themselves around my middle. My befrazzled mind tried to wrap around what was going on, throwing out the panicked possibility of an assassination attempt. As Lily started working her hooves into my shoulder muscles with delicious firmness, all I could bring myself to do was make little whimpering noises and embarrassingly loud moans. I rested my chin on the side of the tub and melted under her ministrations. If this was an attempt on my life, then it was a very pleasant one. The planet is probably lucky she wasn’t an assassin.
As the grime layered off me and my muscles started to unbind, I felt myself begin to involuntarily relax. It was precisely the wrong thing to do, considering the strains of the day. I didn’t really notice the tears until they were already flowing and my breathing started to hitch.
Lily stopped rubbing for just long enough to squeeze me to her, then went back to digging into the iron knots in my back.
Sobbing in a warm bath is probably less bad than anywhere else I could have had a breakdown on that particular day. Strange as it might sound, I wasn’t really feeling the anguish driving my weeping. I felt detached, like I was watching some other poor idiot lie there with streaky eyes and a sniffling nose, bawling his wretched little soul out over how awful it all was.
I don’t know how long I was there. I lost track, though at some point Lily got round to the serious business of soaping the truly vile things out of my tail and mane. The water had long ago turned a dirty brown, but she was quick to empty and refill it, along with a healthy dollop of additional bubbles. I was barely paying attention by that time.
Sleep caught me like a foul ball right in the jaw, and I only realized I’d been unconscious when a big, fluffy towel wound itself around my legs and started scrubbing the water out of my fur. I let out a discontented snort and tried to lift my head, only to catch the towel in the face. Turning, I beheld a soaking wet angel, her fire-engine-red mane plastered to her neck.
Reaching out, I pulled her close and laid my cheek against her neck.
“You look ridiculous, Hardy,” she muttered into my ear.
“I know. But you look wonderful.”
I felt her cheek heat up a little as she replied, “You’re a terrible flirt, you know that? Not that I mind, but I haven’t slept in twenty hours and I just came from the worst day of the worst month of the worst year of my life. Maybe hold the cute until after I’ve had a nap and the world isn’t quite so crazy.”
“Aheh...alright, fair enough. Weren’t you going to go do ‘nurse’ things? Why do I warrant the bath treatment?”
Lily tucked a lock of hair over her ear and let her chin rest on my shoulder. “Are you complaining?”
“Sorry. Got used to finding flies in my ointment, lately.”
Letting out a slightly irritated huff, Lily stepped back to rest her backside on the edge of the tub. “I can see that. Stella sent somepony to ask my supervisor to grab anyone with enchanting experience. Pretty sure he asked for me, specifically, because there’s a dozen other decent enchanters in the building. Amaryllis—she’s the mare who looks like she spends all day eating limes—she used to work for visiting royalty as a personal make-up illusionist. Fly Ash did the holiday decoration spells for most of the malls.”
“Only the best,” I murmured, crawling out of the tub and giving myself a shake. Picking up a second towel that lay beside the bath, I threw it around my neck. “Come on. Let’s go get this done. The pony I’m paying is a fussy sort, so we’ll have to get her specifications right.”
Lily slid out of the tub and started drying her own mane. “Pony you’re paying? Somepony wants...payment? From you? Now? Today?!”
“When you see who we’re paying, you will understand. Or maybe you won’t. Either way, I made a deal.”
“I don’t think I like whoever this pony is very much,” Lily muttered.
“When you meet her, I would strongly appreciate it if you don’t punch her in the teeth. You’ll want to. There are probably lots of good reasons why decking her would be a satisfying thing to do.”
I reached down to grab my hat, but Lily’s magic surrounded it, snatching it away.
“Nuhuh. That stuff smells as bad as you did,” she scolded, “Here, let me.”
Twirling her horn in a tiny circle, she waved it across my clothing. A slight shimmer seemed to settle into the fabric and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of brown liquid splashed off the hems of my coat, dripping onto the tiles in a puddle of something that reminded me uncomfortably of a night some years ago where Taxi dared me to eat twenty tacos. I’d eaten eighteen before the bathroom called.
“There! Not laundry fresh, but your clothes shouldn’t smell quite so much like...whatever awfulness you tromped through. I’m afraid I usually only use that spell to clean up cherries.”
“Huh. Much appreciated.” Leaning over, I gave her a light peck on the cheek, then slid my hat down over my ears and picked up my coat. Lily’s cheeks colored, but she maintained her composure, tucking her tail around one lovely flank. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
I pushed open the bath door to find Amaryllis and Fly Ash sitting side-by-side on the plush bed, a pile of playing cards between them. They looked to be playing some variant of poker, but I couldn’t be entirely sure. As we came in, the mare raised her head and gave a haughty sniff.
“Took you long enough!” she snapped. “I do have other things I could have been doing, you know! In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a war on!”
Fly Ash said nothing, but looked equally annoyed at the wait.
Trying not to smirk, I climbed onto the sole chair in the room. “Apologies. This takes precedence for the moment.”
“Then, do please describe what manner of ‘job’ you have press-ganged us into! In these dark days, time is valuable,” Amaryllis groused.
I set my hat on the table. “I’m about to...introduce you to someone. Your job is to listen to every word she says and recreate the enchantment she describes. Can you do that?”
“Harumph! I saw no other ponies outside. Where is this person?” Amaryllis demanded.
Shutting my eyes, I swallowed my anxiety.
‘Gale,’ I thought.
‘I’m here,’ came the quiet reply.
‘It’s time to pay our dues.’
There was a pause. ‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’ he asked.
‘It doesn’t matter, one way or the other. A deal is a deal, and she agreed to the rules. I’d rather have her working for me than sulking.’
‘She sulks really loudly sometimes…’
A grumpy, feminine voice joined our little chorus. ‘I can hear you, you know!’
‘We know. Hardy, you want to sleep? I can wake you up when they’re done.’
‘Roger. Keep me from dreaming, if you don’t mind. I need the rest.’
----
I found myself staring at a pair of bright blue hooves from a strange, sideways perspective through a small jungle of carpet. My jaw stung, my tongue felt like I’d given it a pretty sharp bite, and my ears rang like I had the whole Detrot Police Department phone bank in my head. Smacking my lips, I tasted blood.
“H-Hardy?” Lily stammered.
“I told you not to hit her,” I grunted.
“I...oh, Hardy, I thought—...I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Lily rushed forward, pulling a small towel from her scrubs pocket and blotting at my face.
Taking the towel, I heaved myself onto my stomach and sat up. Fly Ash and Amaryllis were both sitting on the carpet, eyes wide, staring at me like I’d grown six extra heads. I gently wiped at my nose, then tested to see if she’d broken it; it stung, but a unicorn won’t ever match an earth pony in a round of fisticuffs.
“Not the worst injury I’ve taken today. What did she say?” I asked, getting unsteadily to my hooves. I staggered, and Lily threw herself under my leg, helping me to the bed.
“S-say?”
“To make you hit me.”
Lily’s ears pinned back against her mane. “I...I mean, she didn’t...she was grouchy, but she didn’t say anything. But when we finished casting the enchantment and she went to test it—”
“You saw her and reacted, huh?”
Lily stomped the floor hard enough to vibrate the bed I was on. “That m-monster killed my sister! She killed Ruby! Why did you do...whatever this is?!”
“Lily...she didn’t kill Ruby.”
“I’m not stupid, Hardy! My sister had the helmet!”
I put my hooves on Lily’s shoulders and gently, but firmly pushed her back onto the bed. Glancing up at Fly Ash and Amaryllis, I shot them what must have been one scary look, what with the way they both looked ready to wet the carpet.
“You two are done,” I growled. “Do you need a tip?”
The pair of unicorns scampered out of there so fast you’d think I’d lit their tails on fire, slamming the door behind them.
I breathed a relieved sigh and sat down beside Lily, rubbing my forehead with one hoof. “So, what did she have you do?”
“Don’t you know?” Lily asked, confused.
Picking my hat back off the floor, I examined the inner lining. A series of gently glimmering runes letting off a pale blue light circled the spot that held the dragonscale.
“Our deal was that she gets part time access to the real world, so long as she doesn’t cause trouble and so long as she keeps me alive. This was the best we could hash out. I’m still vague on what sort of spell this is.”
Lily’s horn glowed and she plucked my hat out of my hooves, shoving it down over my ears. “Think the words ‘Free the Moon’.”
I rolled my eyes up to look at my hat, then shrugged. How bad could it be?
‘Free the Moon.’
I waited for something to happen. There wasn’t a hum or a little magical shimmery noise or any of the other gubbins I tended to associate with a spell being cast. All I felt was a slight itch on my scalp.
Meanwhile, Lily was giving me a wary look.
“H-Hardy? Are you still in control?” she asked.
“Of course I—...oh.”
To be clear, there are few sensations in this world more upsetting than hearing an entirely different voice coming out of your muzzle. For a stallion, hearing a mare’s voice when he opens his mouth is even more disturbing. Hearing Nightmare Moon’s voice was enough to give me a full body spiders-dancing-a-jig-on-my-spine sensation.
I went to adjust my hat, then blinked as a dark hoof came into view, attached to a black leg. I rubbed absently at the thick fur and it certainly felt like it was mine.
‘Do you like it, Hard Boiled?’ Nightmare whispered, with a mix of her usual sneering attitude and an underlying sincerity that was a bit uncharacteristic.
There was a short mirror on the back of the bedroom door. I sprinted to it, skidding to a stop and staring at the strange pony in the mirror. It wasn’t quite the disaster I’d worried it would be, but my heart felt like he was going to pop.
Standing on the other side of the mirror was a distressed, black mare. She was my height, though somepony with access to too many fashion magazines had designed her face and body. There was an icy, angular beauty to every inch of her and it was somehow still the familiar lines of the Nightmare’s, despite being a solid half meter shorter than I remembered her being. A billowing, royal blue mane spilled down the back of her neck, wafting about in an impossible wind. From her forehead grew a nasty looking pike of a horn.
I turned sideways and found a pair of wings folded against her sides.
‘No cutie-mark?’ I thought.
‘I am, as you have pointed out, a ‘new’ pony. I may not be my own being, but who knows what I shall become? When I find out, I will add one to the illusion.’
Wincing at what I knew I must do, I carefully lifted my tail. The billowing mass attached to her backside flicked out of the way. Gulping, I quickly let ‘my’ tail drop and sat down, trying to control my breathing.
‘Why in Tartarus do you need that level of anatomical correctness?!’ I tried to shout, internally.
Nightmare’s voice replied with a bit of smug amusement, ‘Accuracy. Besides, the only genitalia I have ever had are yours. It may be amusing to interact with ponies with a different set.’
‘You better keep your ‘interactions’ to yourself, missy! This is still my body, and until we work something else out, you are not using it for that!’ I narrowed my eyes at the image.
An image of a pouting, black filly with wings and horn appeared in my head.
‘Gale, did you send me that or did she? I don’t want to find out she can make me think things,’ I demanded.
‘I did, but it was too cute not to pass on,’ the voice I’d come to recognize as my heart’s answered.
‘I...mmm...fair enough. Nightmare, are we settled up?’
‘For the moment, Detective, we can consider your ‘debts’ paid. I shall do my best to keep you alive, much good may it do me.’
‘All I care about is not eating more bullets than I already have and maybe not letting the world end. We’re going to need ground rules.’
‘Perhaps the first one may regard how psychotic you look when you choose to converse with me in front of other ponies? The mare who punched me is watching us talk. Kick her in the nose for me, would you?’
I blinked, suddenly realizing we weren’t alone. Lily was giving me a curious look as she sat by the bed, fitfully playing with the fur on her fetlocks.
The illusionary mare vanished, leaving just rumpled, but significantly cleaner detective with a few more ribs showing than he last remembered. I smoothed his mane back, adjusted my hat, and straightened up, trying to look like I had some idea what I was doing.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “Domestic issues.”
“Y-you were talking to...her?” Lily asked.
“Just laying some ground rules. This enchantment...What’s powering this spell?”
Pushing herself up, Lily tapped my chest. “I don’t really understand the theory, but...while she was...um… ‘in control’ she said it’s powered by your heart. The illusion is in your hat, but the energy is coming from your heart. She gave us the runes to draw, then laid out how the spell should work. I’m afraid I was mostly just a horn with a pony attached.”
Glancing at the floor, I asked, silently, ‘Gale? How long can we maintain that illusion before I need to charge up?’
‘You know I don’t have a clock, right?’
‘Oh...Sorry, I could wear a watch if you like.’
‘It’s okay. I...I’m not sure, but maybe just don’t do more than a couple hours.’
‘Copy that.’
“Can I just say that it’s really weird watching you hold conversations with people inside your head?” Lily commented.
“You should try it from this side, one day,” I replied.
“No, thank you. It sounds like having roommates, and I promised myself that after Ruby and I moved out of our shared room I’d never do that again.”
“She a messy type?”
“The opposite,” Lily exhaled. “She liked to disinfect the ceiling fans. I’m the mess. Well, as much of a mess as you can be on a farm, which is less than you’d think.”
“I wish I’d known her a little better,” I said, quietly.
“You read her diary. Most of the important stuff is in there. She lived in dreams, and when it came time, she made those dreams real.” Glancing at the door, Lily took a deep breath. “Speaking of dreams...The world out there won’t wait very long. What do you plan to do?”
“Plan? Right now, it’s a broad outline, at best. We’ve got maybe twenty-four hours, then there’s going to be a bloody mess in every corner of this city and dragons are going to torch anything not nailed down.”
Lily’s expression gradually sank into an appropriately horrified grimace. “Your ‘broad outline’ includes some ideas on how to stop that, right?”
I turned back to the mirror, studying my own badly worn features. I didn’t much care for the haunted look that seemed to have become a permanent accessory; it gave away too much. Turning from my own reflection, I trotted over to the bed and climbed up on it, flopping on my back as my hat settled down over my eyes. I heard the sound of Lily’s magic, then my hat brim was lifted off my nose.
“Right?” she pressed, worriedly.
Pushing myself up in the bed, I gave her my most level look. “Lily, if it was the entire world and everyone in it...or sending the population of one city to what are probably their deaths, which would you choose?”
Lily was silent for a long moment, then shook her head. “I really want that to be a hypothetical question...”
“We both know it isn’t,” I replied, plucking at the sheet. “In the next day, there will be an army of killers coming to fill the streets with blood. If they succeed then everyone, everywhere, will die. Not just this city. This world will die. Now, I have an army of my own, but it’s composed of my friends, neighbors, and loved ones. So, I’m asking...what would you choose?”
Swallowing sharply, Lily crawled up on the bed and put her front legs around my chest.
“I...I don’t think I could make a choice like that, Hardy,” she murmured.
“If you asked me that a month and a half ago, I don’t think I could have, either. That was me then. Me right now made a deal with Nightmare Moon. She seems to think there’s a way out of all of this, but...it involved me turning her helmet over to the Family and letting them riddle me with bullets just to buy us time.”
Lily made a noise somewhere between a whimper and a shudder. “Please don’t remind me of that. I saw what they brought in. I thought you were dead and they were insane when they started operating on you...”
“Stick around. I might have to pull that trick again, before the end,” I murmured.
“Too many ponies are relying on you for you to waste time being dead,” Lily mock growled, poking the tip of my nose. That brought a small, but genuine grin to my face.
“I’ll do my best not to lie down on the job, then. First, though...I need a nap.”
“Me too,” Lily muttered, tiredly, letting her head drop onto the pillow beside mine. “You want to go down to Scarlet’s room? I don’t think his bed is big enough for the both of us, but he’ll want to make it work.”
I hesitated a moment, then asked, “Are we ever going to talk about what this thing is between the three of us?”
“Probably not,” she replied, her eyelids fluttering shut. “We might all find out we can’t stand each other someday, but right now I just need a couple nice stallions to hold me while I sleep, who don’t mind crying fits. I like him and I like you.”
I tilted my head down too and couldn’t keep some amusement off my face. “You and him have been—”
“He’s a pretty good teddy bear,” she replied. “That’s good enough for me until the world isn’t ending anymore.” She planted a light kiss on my chin and added, “Besides, you owe me some revenge...and I still intend to collect.”
Letting my legs settle around her shoulders, I let my muscles unbind a little.
“I think I can provide a little of both. Stella will send somepony to collect me once the runners get back. I need a snooze.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to try to hero your way through?” she asked, sardonically, but I’d already laid my head back, pulled her cheek against my chest, and shut my eyes.
----
One night some years ago, I was hungover and maudlin and Juniper was off at some meeting with the department, leaving me entirely to my own devices. Taxi was off doing her ‘thing’ with the buffalo and I’d run entirely out of beer, so without a driver, I was more or less stuck in the apartment. There is nothing worse than a cop’s brain with nothing to do but spin its wheels, so I sat myself down at the desk and wrote out a list of the worst possible ways to wake up.
Straight in at number five was waking up after a night of heavy drinking, closely followed by ‘the day after a funeral’, ‘after a fight you’d lost’, and ‘with a dead body’. Number one didn’t require much internal debate. There was only one evil in the morning that could be worse than hangovers, beatings, and corpses.
----
I blinked my bleary eyes. I opened my mouth to scream. My breath caught in my throat and a bubble of olive- green magic surrounded the end of my muzzle, cutting short my shriek of terror.
“Good morning, Hard Boiled,” Iris Jade purred, her face inches from mine. “You were magnificent, last night. So rough! I’ve never been ridden better.”
Then she let me scream.
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>prosthetist
>Headvoices
I sense ROBONIGHTMARE 5000 in the epilogue.
"salvation of pony-kind, but"
"salvation of ponykind, but"?
Booped! He's been BOOPED!
Oh what the fuck, Chessie.
It was going so well.
Huh. So that's how he dies next. How many are we up to now?
9435139 FEAR THE BOOP!
9435233 Yep! She's going to nail each of his organs to a wall.
-Chessie
Wait, he dreamed that last part right? Right?
9435345
Fear fears the boop.
9435370
No. He didn't.
9435495
... If Iris has done something to Lily, I'm going to be pissed.
When things get so quiet, it makes the resulting tsunami all the worse.
Looks like its going to be CMC vs Flight Of Dragons?
People demanding this much controlling power are the sort who make me want to either drop the sun on them, or just make like a pancake and flip the whole area into deep space etc. What goes up, must come down. Or at least, Trade Ya?
And I cant find that material. Im looking at it here in an old electronics store catalog, but some big company bought the patents years ago and Ive never seen it since. Perfect for prosthetics, and they claimed to want it for mobile phones. Quantum Conductance Foam or something.
Wait, Im confused. How did this ending appear? No way Jade was disguised as Lily? I have no idea what is going on.
Iris Jade has found new levels of eeevil!
While this shows signs of an obviously twisted and perverted sense of humour, it is also one straight up nasty and cruel way to mess with Hardy... I suspect Hardy will see the humour in ti as well eventually... maybe in a couple decades or so...
Hokey smoke, Bullwinkle . . .
9435581
As much as I would not actually be surprised by Chessie making this another mind-messing event for Hardy by having Iris impersonating Lily the whole time, I suspect it is simply that Lily woke up earlier and/or called away while Hardy was sleeping and then Iris has dropped in to mess with Hardy because she simply could not resist... Why? Eeevil, I say, Eeeeeevil.
(to be honest... not really evil, just a very messed up pony who lost her way and who is yet to find her way back)
9435645
Yeah ok that makes sense. I have no idea why i didnt realise that. It just came out of left field for me and i was perplexed. Thank for clarifying
So after what I think is my fourth reread of this entire story we are back here again. Still totally worth it.
And with another read comes a few thoughts along the way.
First is the question of who (in standard hero cliche) that Taxi will face up against. Because the Fates web showed that there were three individuals behind this thing:
the unliving, brought to justice by the silence of death, the Commander of the forces, who according to ancient DIBS protocol will be claimed by the warden, and DW whose corpse will balance the scales. That leaves Taxi of the four heroes with no one left to face. Or perhaps alight will shine on the dark entity hidden from everyone's view. I guess this maybe isn't a question or maybe it is. Answer as you wish.
Second I realized that Hardy once upon a time actually had a drivers license. How the F
did he manage that?
Third. In a different universe there is a Hard Boiled Junior, chief of the detrot fashion police, in a high speed chase yelling " That poncho doesn't do you justice darling!" towards the car in front of them.
Just wanted to share that realization.
"We can rebuild him; we have the technology,"
The Six Million Bit Escort!
Holy Shit
9436322
Also Kinda hoping he fucks Twilight Sparkle as well.
I didn't see this coming. I didn't see any of this coming. I like reading this and being surprised. Sure the next read through, I won't be, but it really is satisfying this time. So Hardy, Gale, and Moon have an anatomically correct time-share agreement. And Hardy's former terror of a boss in in bed with him telling him how good he was. You sure haven't lost your touch at cliff-hangers. I wonder what would happen if Hardy showed Iris his new "arrangement" with Moony. I am calling her that, because she isn't really Nightmare Moon, just a shard, but she has potential. No Cutey Mark. She should become a Crusader. Heh.
BWAH HAW HAW HAW!!!
9435716
I really do hope I can just *finish* the story for those who've stuck with it this long ASAP. I mean, not just for myself, but for you guys, too.
-Chessie
Consider my breath baited for the next chapter after that cliffhanger, Chessie you magnificent bastard!
9436798
Who ever said we want the story to end you Silly Billy?
9438720 Unfortunately, almost everything since the first chapter has tied into a single, overarching storyline. I mean everything. When it all gets tied together, it may blow some minds. I'm still a little weirded out by the scope of shit, here.
-Chessie
I have the horrible mental image that Jade and Nightmare are now working in tandem to drive Hardy utterly insane.
I can only hope I'm right.
Well shit....
Well that last bit was straight out of left field. I am going to go with her just messing with Hardy, unless Gale/ Nightmare are involved. And also aside from freaking out over waking up to her in your face, I think a reasonable response from him at this point would be: "Oh, good. Glad I'm useful for something other than fighting a losing battle with the universe, having regular existential crises, and dying regularly."
Hardy's mind has become quite the living space.
Also, what the hell, Jade?
I went back to Act 3, Chapter 24, and the yarn probability model is starting to make a lot more sense.
Three anomalous lines were indicated; a bright white, bright red, and purple. The white line was behind the entire thing, the red line controlled the Biters, and the purple was "both alive and dead."
A. The purple line's Zefu, the necromancer.
B. The red line's Colonel Broadside.
C. The white line's Diamante Voluntas ("Diamond Will").
We grow close to the endgame.
9468337
Hey quiet with the spoilers. not everyone knows yet.
But yes good conclusions.
Hey now, I might be wrong, you know. And there's probably quite a bit more torments for Hardy to endure before the eclipse ends.
So ... no Canterlot 2077 then?
Just sitting here listening to the Feelingsometer ratchet up a few more notches.
Wait until Taxi starts teaching her about pressure points!
At least Hardy always has someone to talk to.
Hardy only gets to respawn, not save scum.
I have the sudden image of Iris Jade trying to get her torture on Hardy, and being gently dissuaded by the entire remaining population of the Vivarium. Oh hey, Jade.
Hahaha ship it, super power couple lol
Jade
What did you do to Hardy while he slept
Scarlet... You poor, sweet, amazing little shit! Hard Boiled, you better decimate whoever had the gall to ruin your pretty boy!
I was having a hell of a time binging through your excellent fic... until these last few chapters. Now I am really struggling with myself to read to the end especially because I'm so close to finishing it. My first complaint is where the hell did this scarlet crap come from? I mean c'mon, he and hardy have one small heart to heart and snuggle and now they are both all over each tonguing and stuff, meanwhile he and Lily have been building up gradually together since act 2, with a common invested interest in each other with at least 3 heat to heart moments both physically and emotionally comforting each other after experiencing heavy stress, and the most they've done is a little peck on the cheek and the chin. I've been sucking it up since the transvestite dragon and how seemingly 90% of the characters introduced are gay or bi, (because that stuff just ain't my cup of tea) but this is just making me want to draw the line. not to even mention the whole thing going on with nightmare moons new body. Up to this point, scarlet had been nothing but the slapstick gay friend comedian, and now all this stuff happens outta left field. Regardless of my pet peeves and this rant, I'm going to finish the story, because goddamn is it great and deserves all the praise, but it looks like I'm going to be speedrunning to the end, shame.
11010121
The author is real queer. Like, a rainbow vomit of queer. Ten pounds of gay-ass in a five pound sack.
-Chessie
11010163
sure it ain't fifteen since there's three of em now? :p