Act 3 Chapter 15 : Your Princess Is In This Castle
An astute observer of Equestrian society who isn’t ‘in the know’ will eventually come to have questions and concerns about the existence of alicorn Princesses. Since those who actually are in the know constitute less than a percent of a percent of a percent of a percent of the populace, most of us are left with conjecture and theory.
Why are there supremely powerful beings seemingly dredged out of the very magic of Equis and given royal appointment to lead? How many of them are there? What creates these beings? What are we meant to do if they one day cease to exist?
The theory which seems to most closely suit the facts is that there is some underlying pseudo-sentience to Equestria’s magical field. Maybe it’s just long term manipulation by ponies giving the arcane system a sort of imprinted awareness or maybe it’s been there from the beginning, but there is a very distinct propensity for magic to provide what is needed for life to continue.
In the case of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the movement of the sun and moon had come unbound from some natural process. For the case of Princess Cadenza, the return of the Crystal Empire was predicted and hence a pony who could control the powers it represented came into being.
This might seem an absurd and roundabout way of explaining their presence, but other explanations come uncomfortably close to the suggesting that there is an underlying narrative to our species' existence which supersedes individual will in the outcome of events. If such a being were to exist, knowing what we do about sex, birth, getting eyelashes caught in your eye, flatulence, and the recent resurgence of ‘disco’, we could only conclude that they have a terrible, and malevolent sense of humor.
-The Scholar
Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Funny how three words can instill simultaneous sadness and relief.
Finally, I could lay my burdens down and find myself a comfortable prison cell for the remainder of my life. Finally, somepony else could take control of this mad, out of control wagon that’d been this case. I needn’t worry any longer, because I could just let them slap me in irons with the happy knowledge that my job was done.
Yeah, like I said, I’m kinda stupid.
----
Memories flooded back into my consciousness from the conversation with Don Tome’s magical construct. Lost Princess. Gone. Disappeared during the Crusades.
How had I forgotten? How had I let those bits of information get away from me? Oh...right. There was that spell that erased her from history. I hadn’t so much as thought of her in days.
And there she was. A purple mare with a queen for a bodyguard.
She was blushing fit to bust, giving her bodyguard irritated looks as she waited for my reaction. I’m sure there’s a book of etiquette somewhere the covers the situation where you’re meeting a Princess and the world happens to have ended. I’ve never read it, but I’m sure it’s out there.
“Could you bring that bottle of cider back, please?” I asked, long after the silence had become awkward.
“C-cider?” she stuttered. Something under her robe fluffed out a little bit. “I wasn’t—”
I sat down and shut my eyes. “Sorry, Princess. If I am going to have any sort of conversation just now, I require alcohol. Your little memory spell has given me a considerable headache.”
“M-my spell?” she gasped, rising up on the tips of her hooves.
Taxi groaned, stepping up and smacking me across the back of the head. “Hardy...are you really going to antagonize a Princess of Equestria?”
“Are you saying you want to handle this situation sober?” I asked, pointedly.
My driver considered the question for a moment, then sat down beside me. “Princess Sparkle, we have traveled long and fought many battles to be here today. We require alcohol.”
“But...but you know about my spell?” Twilight squeaked, hope blooming in her eyes. “You must have...you must have been exposed to information about me recently! Where? Is one of the others still out there?! Are they safe?!”
I pointed at my tongue, then made the motion of scraping dirt off it.
Mayfly hissed, taking a threatening step in my direction. “You will answer the Queen of All Hives, pony, or I will suck the marrow from your bones!”
“I’m feeling as though that’s unlikely at this point,” I replied, patting a bit of dust out of my mane. “You may or may not be aware of what my day has already been like, but grumpy bugs in guard armor are really only about a six on my weird-o-meter. You should stick with the snarling demon shtick. My boss is scarier than you, Miss Fangs.”
I turned back to Twilight and felt myself smile. It was a crazy smile, but it was real and mine and I earned it. I crawled out of the grave and through the lairs of demons to sit there grinning at Elemental Princess Flashy Magic Flank or whatever Mayfly had called her. Two and a half months of bloody nights and sleeping with only nightmares for company. Yeah, I deserved a drink.
Twilight was examining me like a puzzle she only realized after several hours work she was missing a few pieces of.
“Detective—can I call you that?” she asked. I nodded, and she continued, “Do you know how many days my remaining agents spent crying into their badges trying to find you? I can almost understand why so many people have tried to kill you lately.”
“It’s my colt-ish charm, I’m sure. Talk later, booze now.”
I held out my hoof, and her horn crackled. A cider bottle—this one full—popped into being. I managed to catch it before it could hit the dirt, peeling off the aluminum seal with my teeth and popping the cork free. It let off a heavenly aroma. Putting both hooves on the bottom, I tilted it back and let the delicious, apple-flavored pain-eraser slide down my throat. A slow, happy warmth filled my stomach.
After I’d had my fill, I passed it to Taxi, and she took a swig, then offered it to Swift. My partner sighed and sipped the bottle before setting it in front Limerence. He shrugged and picked it up, studying the label.
“You know, somehow I’d thought I would get another few years before I ended up in a prison cell,” he muttered, then drank until he was reduced to a coughing fit. “Ahem...still, could be worse, I suppose. It’s an honor to meet you, Princess Sparkle. My father was a big fan of yours.”
“You’re...Limerence Tome, right?” Twilight asked, tilting her head. “I read your file after we saw you on the television with him. You don’t have a criminal record, but by all rights, you should.” She dipped her horn towards him. “Your father sold me some artifacts many years ago, though he didn't know I was his buyer. He also made it really hard for me to stay hidden, down through the years. How did he beat my spell?”
“He designed a magical construct to remind himself of your existence. Also, this.” Reaching into his front pocket, Limerence produced a folded piece of paper. It glowed, lifting into Twilight’s hooves. A tiny, nostalgic smile spread across her face as she unfolded the picture of herself and five other ponies. “I’d forgotten I was carrying it until just a moment ago.”
“I…I thought I managed to get all of these cleaned up during the war. This must be one of Pinkie’s. She loved...she loved giving these out to her friends.” A small tear formed in the corner of the Princess’s eye, then ran down her cheek. She hastily wiped it away. “S-sorry. Ponies get old, and we get sentimental. I don’t know how Princess Celestia does it. I feel like I should be crying all day sometimes.”
Swift raised her eyebrows. “Old? You don’t look very old, Ma’am…um...Twilight.”
Twilight pulled a little string on the front of her robe, and two flaps of material slid back, revealing a pair of brilliant purple wings. Spreading them, she stretched such that the muscles in the joints creaked and popped. “Alicorns get a pass on wrinkles. I had to get used to sleeping with wings, but flying was totally worth it.”
A book never really communicates the ‘majesty’ of an alicorn terribly well. They can say ‘majesty’, but until you’re in the presence of those wings, it isn’t quite real to you. I’d known she probably had a pair under that robe of hers, but seeing them was something else. I found myself bowing again without even really thinking about it.
“Oh please stop that! Sheesh! I’ve had wings for fifty-seven years, and I still can’t stop ponies from doing that!” Twilight grumbled, grabbing me by the shoulders with her magic and pulling me back to my hooves.
“Yeah, sorry.” I coughed, flicking the edges of my coat. “Look, you and I have obviously got to talk about a fair number of things,” I said. “Is there somewhere we can go besides—” I twirled a hoof at the dust bowl we were standing in. “You know...here? I could use a shower and something to eat.”
“Yes...yes, my apologies.” Standing up straight, Twilight called out to the empty wasteland. “Orb? Orb, please compose yourself! I’d like to go inside now!”
From somewhere overhead, a voice that sounded like somepony with a chalkboard digestive tract eating a whole bunch of nails replied, “Mistress, these ponies may still prove dangerous.”
Swift started to pick up her trigger, but Mayfly growled at her until she carefully set it down.
“You heard me, Orb,” Twilight ordered, tucking her wings in against her hips. “I’m pretty sure we’re safe, considering how much effort the Detective put into coming to see us.”
For a brief moment, nothing happened. Then a swirl of something like smoke began to coalesce out of the air, followed suddenly by a waterfall of black fog that wrapped itself around our hooves before drawing to a point beside Mayfly. Two lights side by side flickered in the darkness before a suit of Royal Guard armor stepped out of the miasma, coming to crisp attention facing Twilight Sparkle.
I say a suit, because that’s all there was: a full body heavy platemail suit sans occupant. A few drifting whorls of inky blackness leaked from the edges and joints, but that was all. The helmet was closed face, with only a faint luminance trickling from behind the muzzle guard where eyes should have been.
Snatching the bottle of cider from Swift, I quickly sat down to have another few drinks just to make sure I was on my way to good and drunk. No sense handling this without preparation. Swiping my mouth with the back of my hoof, I shoved the bottle halfway into my front pocket where it was within easy reach.
Reaching out, I gave the armor an inquisitive poke. It clanked under my toe, but the occupant didn’t react other than to twitch his gaze in my direction. I don’t know how I knew it was looking at me; it’s ‘eyes’ were just a pair of floating blue lights, almost like fireflies.
“Do I want to know what you are?” I asked, brushing the dust that’d been on my hoof off the armor and only succeeding in smearing it across its breastplate.
“He’s an Umbrum, Detective,” Twilight explained. Orb dipped into a deep bow. “He’s a shadow pony. Don’t worry. He’s friendly. Well...friendly so long as you don’t draw on him while he’s trying to stand guard.”
Orb let out a noise like a bathtub of mayonnaise being stirred with a baseball bat. Every part of my body shuddered simultaneously.
“Was that a laugh?” I groaned.
The Princess giggled; it was a musical little sound, and I found I quite liked it.
“Yes, it was,” she answered. “Thankfully, my castle wasn’t under the atmospheric shields during the...what is everypony calling it? The Darkening? That’s not really accurate to what happened, but—”
“Wait, wait...did you say a c-castle?!” Swift squeaked. “We’re going to an actual, real castle?!”
Mayfly dug a hoof under the edge of her helmet, plucking a stray rock out and flicking it in my partner’s direction. “It’s not much of a castle. Although it makes up for what it lacks in size in terrible gaudiness…”
“Says the bug who built her hive in its roots,” Twilight chuckled. She turned to Orb. “Is there anything out here today?”
The armored creature shook his head. “Nothing. Death. Broken trees. Empty skies.”
“I…” She shut her eyes for a moment, then held out her hoof in my direction. I squinted at it, and it took a moment to realize what she wanted; I passed her the bottle and she gulped a muzzle full, then returned it. “Sorry. That’s not the most Princessly thing I could be doing, is it?”
“I think you’re reasonably justified, considering the circumstances,” I replied.
She gave me a grateful smile, then addressed Orb. “Orb, open the back, would you please?”
With only a perfunctory nod, the shadow creature dissolved into a black cloud, flowing around the armored limousine. I didn’t hear a door open, but the engine let out a deafening snarl and the treads lurched against the dusty ground. At the rear of the car, a door opened, clattering down to present a short staircase leading up into the passenger compartment. Princess Twilight took the lead, trotting up the steps and settling herself in one of the comfortable-looking chairs lining the interior wall. Mayfly swept in after her, plunking herself down facing the door.
Swift scooted over to my side and whispered, “Sir...can I go ahead and lose my mind now?”
“Yes, the smoke pony is creepy, but we’re not being eaten or shot at,” I replied, giving her mane a good ruffle so the spikes all lay down. She swatted at me, then tried fruitlessly to get them to stand up again. “You’ve got to admit, that’s a step up from what any of us expected on this trip.”
“I know, but...but…”
“Kid, take a deep breath. We found what we were looking for. We can take her back to Detrot and give her the Helm of Nightmare Moon, and this will all be over.”
“Nothing is ever that easy, Sir. You know that. Nothing.”
Princess Twilight called down from the back of the vehicle, “Are you coming, Detective?”
Giving Swift a pat on the shoulder, I clambered into the back of the limousine-tank and sank into one of the plush seats across from the Princess. It was the oddest thing to be doing, but Twilight didn’t really radiate the kind of overwhelming presence that Celestia and Luna seemed to put out so effortlessly. If one ignored the wings, she was a bit like the filly next door: a little awkward, with an easy smile and too much enthusiasm once she’d found herself something she was genuinely interested in.
Taxi, who’d been uncharacteristically quiet, settled in beside me as Limerence paused at the door to study the interior with interest before dropping into the chair one away from the Princess.
Now that I got a look around, I realized just how luxurious our transport really was. There was a drinks bar at one end with a rack of small firearms locked in a cage beside it. The floor was carpeted with something like wool and it felt surprisingly comfortable under my toes.
“Nice digs,” I murmured.
Twilight sighed, her horn lighting up to lift a glass from beside the drinks bar. She filled it with water from a little tap, then took a quick sip. “I know. The Princessmobile was a gift from a friend of mine who really liked heavy vehicles but didn’t trust wheels. I miss being able to walk around and fly without wearing illusions, though. Not that anypony remembers me these days anyway. Some Princess of Friendship I turned out to be…”
Mayfly made a gagging noise. “Please, Ma’am. If you’re going to make me sit through one your self-pitying speeches, could you at least shut off my hearing? You wrote the armistice with the dragons. You negotiated alliances with both the griffins and the minotaurs. You tamed Discord. You don’t get to piss and moan about a ‘lack of accomplishments’.”
“I didn’t do that last one!” the alicorn protested. “That was one of my friends!”
The changeling waved a dismissive leg. “Whatever. Point being, you did more to keep the world from descending into chaos than just about anypony ever with the possible exception of your mentor. So, with all due respect, Ma’am...shut up, before you make me regret my mother’s decision not to accept extinction.”
I held up both hooves for attention. “Wait, wait, wait...stop for a second. Excuse me, but I’m not familiar with whatever this ‘secret history of Equestria’ you two are going on about is, and you’re raising more questions than can be meaningfully answered. Can I just start with how you know me?”
Setting her glass to one side, Twilight tapped on the wall. The rear door rattled shut, and the limo-tank lumbered forward. There weren’t any windows, but a number of cheery interior lights popped on just before the red glow of the eclipse would have been cut off.
“Of course, Detective. You...well, first, can I ask what you know about the Armor of Nightmare Moon?”
“I know I have been chasing it around the entirety of Detrot,” I replied, sinking deeper into the chair. “The chestplate was at the History Museum under a whole heap of magical wards. Somepony, somehow, managed to pull the soul out of the Museum’s director using some kind of zebra necromancy. I don’t know how, but that let them take the chestplate and replace it with a fake.
“The shoes were being kept by the Hitlan griffon tribe. Their Nursemaid Guild was guarding them. They all died in an attack on the embassy, and the shoes are gone. As for the helm...it was in the Canterlot Royal Vaults until it was stolen by a thief named the Ebon Kitten. Something happened to her, and she ended up as the leader of the Loonies, Astral Skylark. She turned out to be sacrificing ponies in some kind of orgiastic ritual with a nice cross-section of Detrot’s elite. I killed her and have the helm somewhere safe.”
I paused for breath and looked up at Twilight, whose jaw was hanging right to her chest. A glance at Mayfly showed a similar expression. Turning to Taxi, I asked, “That’s everything, right?”
“Minus all the important details...yes, I think that’s everything,” she replied, playing with her hoofrest. She found the button that said ‘massage’ and began groaning happily as little robotic fingers kneaded her spine. “You’ve got to try this, Hardy…”
“In a minute. Pretty sure I broke the Princess.”
Twilight sat there spluttering as the painful backlog of questions in her brain tried to find a neuron that wasn’t already occupied. Her horn lit up, and she snatched the cider bottle from my front pocket, jamming it into her mouth. She tilted her head back, chugging two thirds of the remaining liquid in roughly ten seconds.
“Easy there, Ma’am,” Mayfly murmured, a hint of genuine concern in her voice. “I know you can’t die of alcohol poisoning, but you still get hangovers.”
“A hangover can only improve this situation,” the alicorn replied before turning to me. She flicked her horn, and a drawer beside her chair popped open. A notepad and an expensive-looking ballpoint pen floated out. “I...think it might be best for me to just listen to your story before I go making any assumptions about what you do and don’t know.”
I laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Princess, this ‘castle’ better have a nice dungeon in it. I suspect I’m headed there once you hear what I’ve been up to this month.”
“Please, call me Twilight,” she replied, almost as an afterthought, then looked up as she registered what I’d just said. “Wait...dungeon? Why?”
“Hah! Now can I toss him in an interrogation pod?” Mayfly cackled, leaning forward interestedly. “He’ll probably lie to us! We can pull the answers right out of his brain!”
Twilight’s magic lit up, and she tipped her bodyguard’s helmet forward over her eyes. As Mayfly fought to straighten her armor, the Princess rested her pen against her paper. “Detective, from what I’ve been able to gather, you’re wanted by whoever or whatever caused this disaster.”
“That’s true, but to be fair, your friend is probably right,” I said, scratching my filthy mane. “I’ve got a few hundred people who need protecting, and plenty of them sit on a less than savory side of the law. If you go stomping into my city like the wrath of Celestia herself, you’ll be killing a heap of good ponies.”
A tiny, nervous smile quirked the edges of her muzzle. “I...I know what it’s like having friends who need protecting, even if it costs you something.” She indicated Mayfly with a twitch of one hoof. Her guard made a rude gesture. “Still, you have to believe me when I say I’m here to help. I promise I won’t do anything rash.”
“Rash or not, I’m buying amnesty for some people with what I do here. After this is over, you get me. I’ll go to whatever chopping block you’ve got ready. So if I’m not complete in my answers, know that I’m protecting lives.”
Twilight lowered her ears and pulled one of her wings around, straightening a few of her feathers with a little bit of magic. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Princess Celestia has to put both of us in Tartarus if we ever sit in front of a jury. The real Tartarus, not that insane prison out in the Wilds. If the axe ever comes down, my head will probably be right beside yours. I’ve done some...some really bad things since the Crusades.”
“Since, during, before...” Mayfly added, pretending to study her shoes. “Property damage tends to follow you around.”
“Be that as it may, you and I need to set some ground rules,” I said. “I’m trying to save Equestria from whatever is going on.”
“You think I’m not?” Twilight sputtered.
“I don’t know what to think, honestly. Where is the Royal Guard? If you’re an alicorn, why aren’t you moving the Moon and the Sun? How do you know about me?”
I could see her getting more and more flustered but plowed on regardless.
“I hear ‘Princess of Equestria’, but then I see changelings and shadow monsters at your beck and call. You apparently knew that the armor was in Detrot and that there’s some kind of conspiracy going on. Why didn’t you stop it?”
“I tried!”
I cringed as the entirety of the limo-tank shook with the power of her voice. The fillings in my teeth rattled, and my ears rang like she’d fired a gun in the enclosed space.
Twilight clapped a hoof over her muzzle, blushing. When she spoke again, my hearing still hadn’t recovered, and she seemed a bit muted. “S-sorry...”
Uncovering his ears, Limerence sat forward, eagerly, his own notepad at the ready. “The Royal Canterlot Voice! I’d never thought to hear it in person. Tell me, is it learned? A spell? Or does it develop naturally in alicorns?”
Reaching out, I put a leg across the librarian’s chest and pushed him back in his seat. “Pin that crap in, Lim. We’re here to get help, not do research projects.” I returned my gaze to Twilight, who was giving me a wary look. “Like I said, I’ve got the Helm of Nightmare Moon. Not here, obviously, but somewhere safe. This all started with a murder of a prostitute in an alleyway, and it ended in Canterlot. So, if you don’t mind getting ready to travel, we can head back to Detrot where this all began, and I can tell you everything on—”
“I’m...I’m afraid I can’t go to Detrot,” Twilight murmured. At my disbelieving look, she raised her hooves placatingly. “You have no idea how much I want to! It’s where I should be, but I can’t! Believe me, I tried to go when we found out what happened to the Griffon Embassy!”
“What happened?” I asked, lamely, feeling the brief spark of hope that’d been growing in my chest snuffed out.
“She got two hundred miles from Detrot, and something halfway between a magic bubble and a repulsion field blasted her twenty miles at the speed of sound!” Mayfly snickered, arching her hole-filled hoof through the air on a trajectory then ricocheting it off in the other direction. “You never saw so many ruffled feathers!”
Twilight swallowed. “I suppose I should be grateful I decided to fly, rather than trying an airship.”
“What about teleportation?” Taxi asked, tugging at her braid. “I mean, you’re...you’re an alicorn, right? Couldn’t you just...pop through whatever is out there?”
“I...ugh...I don’t even know how to explain without a blackboard and some lecture notes. I tried every kind of teleportation there is,” she grumbled, sagging in her seat. “Quantum tunneling, point to point, magical displacement, extradimensional. Everything ended up with a pile of burnt feathers and a headache. I can’t even detect whatever is keeping me out! Me and...others. It’s...It’s complicated. I’ll tell you as much as I can later, but for right now, is there anything else you want to know?”
A painful silence descended on the limo-tank. I tried to come up with something to ask, but there were so many questions I couldn’t really find a place to start. My companions seemed to be in a similar condition. The hope of an easy solution was gone. Granted, that was completely in line with everything else we’d experienced during the last month or so.
What diabolical scheme would work if a Princess or two could just swoop in and foil the whole mess? Sadly, that left us with another question: what were we to do?
I’d pinned most of my hopes on finding somepony who could help us, and Twilight was just about as close as we were likely to get.
It was Swift, of all ponies, who finally spoke up.
“Princess Twilight...Ma’am?”
Twilight raised her head, took a deep breath, and tried to smile at my partner. It wasn’t much of one.
“Yes, Officer Cuddles? Or do you prefer Swift?”
“I prefer Swift, Ma’am. Um...Do you mind if I ask you something?”
Twilight shook her head. “Ask away. Today, I’m an open book. It’s nice to be able to do that for once. I should spend more time with ponies who have nothing to lose.”
“Well, Ma’am...I know this is the wrong time, but I have wanted to know this forever. Like, since I was a filly.”
The Princess’s ears stood up. “R-really? What is it?”
“Do alicorns poop?”
----
Mayfly and Taxi were leaning against one another on the floor of the limo, my driver pounding the carpet as the changeling hung one hoof around her shoulders for balance, both howling like drunken mules. My partner and Twilight were both visibly flushed, covering their faces with their wings while Limerence sat there with his hoof planted squarely against his forehead. I’d managed to crawl back into my chair, but my sides ached.
“Ahhh...Chrysalis below! I want a picture of that face for my hive!” Mayfly exclaimed, rolling about on her back, finally exhausted.
“Phew, I needed that! Mercy,” Taxi added, resting her head on the changeling’s side.
The limo-tank rattled to a stop, and Orb’s voice echoed from an intercom overhead.
“Mistress, we have arrived,” he announced.
“Oh thank the stars!” Twilight exclaimed, then threw herself out of her seat, stepping over her guard and my driver in her scramble to get to the back door. It clanked open, and she spread her wings, leaping out into the dirt as Mayfly and Taxi disentangled themselves from one another.
Limerence quickly followed her, his notepad out and ready. “Miss Sparkle! Miss Sparkle, do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?”
I didn’t hear her answer as I jiggled the empty cider bottle, then left it on the seat. I slid down and moved over to where my partner sat with her forehead against the wall of the limo-tank.
“Kid?”
“No, Sir.”
“I haven’t even asked you anything!”
“Whatever it is...just no. I’m going to stay right here until I die or until Princess Celestia comes to arrest me.”
“You know it’s not actually possible to die of embarrassment, right? Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“You didn’t ask a Princess if she poops, Sir.”
“Eh, no, that’s true. Suit yourself, kid.”
I climbed out of the back of the limo-tank and stood, stretching the kinks out of my neck and shoulders. Meanwhile, Mayfly was helping Taxi down from the back of the vehicle. There was a worrying look in both their eyes of somepony who was used to protecting someone who frequently drove them nuts; it said ‘sisterly bond that is going to give Hardy a headache later’.
“Is there something for us to eat?” Taxi asked the changeling. “Our last meal was several hours ago, and we’ve spent most of that on board the grossest means of travel known to ponykind.”
Mayfly buzzed her wings a little, thinking. “Eh, my drones make a pretty good shakshuka or fried vegetable curry, if I do say so myself. Chef Drone Six Eight Four Nine One One, designation ‘Myrtle’, can whip together a few low spice pony dishes if you’d like, but most of the food we eat tends to have a healthy dose of pepper. Or we could cook ourselves. I do enjoy that, from time to time.”
“No, no, that’s good! Give me changeling spicy. I’m always happy to try new things. I'd love to try your cooking.” Taxi enthused, trotting along behind her new friend as they followed Twilight towards where the dust bowl ended at a grassy expanse.
I broke into a gallop, passing them and catching up to Princess Twilight, who was standing at the edge of the grass. Her horn glowed with soft, purple light, and she seemed to be muttering to herself. Limerence sat nearby, scribbling in his pad as he watched her with interest; the only sign she was at all uncomfortable with his scrutiny was a slight crinkling of her forehead.
“So, what’s the score?” I asked, waving at the empty section of field. It looked just like every other meadow all up and down the edge of what was left of Ponyville.
“The score, Detective?” Twilight asked distractedly, without looking up. Her horn winked out, and she raised her head. “Oh...I’m so sorry, about a minute ago. I was just caught way out of left field. I should probably have laughed, too. Goodness knows, it would be nice to laugh again and mean it.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be another thing to rib the rookie about when she gets mouthy.”
“You and she seem like...good friends,” Twilight murmured. “Have you been working together long? My files say she's only recently joined the Detrot Police Department, but you seem like your connection is deeper than that short period would suggest.”
“Would you believe we've only been together two months? This was her first case.” I sighed, shaking my head. “Poor kid. She used to vomit at the sight of a corpse. Now?...She didn’t even lose her lunch over the Bull.”
“The Bull? You mean the Sentient Construct? Is that how you got here?” she asked interestedly.
I gave a surprised start. “Yeah. You know it? He’s parked at the train station.”
“I...erm...Princess Luna funded it, but the designers worked for a subsidiary company that I used to have holdings in. When I found out what they’d done to that poor minotaur...well, they’re not a company anymore, now are they?”
“He seems happy enough,” I said noncommittally. “He’s alive, and he’s got a girl who loves him. He gives her diamonds every day. What more can two people ask for?”
Twilight’s left eye twitched and she slowly sat down. Her head dropped, and that short, straight mane of hers piled over her face. She began to shake, her shoulders heaving. For a moment, I thought I’d said something to reduce her to tears, but when she looked up again a second later, she was grinning.
“Hee...diamonds. He gives her diamonds!” she giggled, then shut her eyes tightly. “Oh, Detective...I know it’s silly, and maybe everyone will be dead if we can’t fix whatever is going on, but...you’re the first pony besides Mayfly to treat me like a pony in a long time.”
“Now I’m curious. Did you get the wings first, or the horn?” I asked, gesturing at her head.
“The horn. I was born a unicorn, but speaking of that, we should get inside before a storm comes. With nopony to control it, the weather has been a little unpredictable around here lately.” Twilight closed her eyes again, and her horn flared as she went back to looking at the ground.
I looked both directions, but there was nothing to see but long shadows and my friends.
“Am I missing something?” I asked.
“Oh...No. My castle is here. Well, it’s sort of here. It’s just...magic has been very odd in this area since the Darkening. Everything has been odd since the Darkening.”
Limerence let out a muffled grunt, and I peered over at him. His muzzle seemed to have been...zipped...shut. A tiny metal zipper sprouted from his upper and lower lips, with a star shaped lock hanging from it.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to do that to people, lately,” I murmured, and my librarian shot me a dirty look.
Twilight waved her horn in his direction, and the zipper vanished, leaving Limerence smacking his lips irritably. “My apologies. I realized about five seconds after Miss Cuddles asked me...um...what she asked...that I’d rather not answer any more questions until I can sit down with a cup of tea. Or ten.”
“Don’t be too hard on the kid,” I said. “She’s a dork sometimes, but she means well.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s what they’re going to put on my headstone,” she replied, using a hoof to map out the letters in the air in front of her. “She was a dork, but she meant well.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. She was the strangest pony I’d met in quite some time, grandiose, larger than life, but very comfortable at the same time. I had an irrational desire for her to like me.
“You’ll pardon me saying so, but...you’re not what I picture when I hear the word ‘Princess’,” I murmured.
Twilight gave me a sidelong glance. “What do you picture?”
“Honestly? Aloof. A bit self-important. Somepony waving a hoof at us to behave from some distant ivory tower. You’re more like...I don’t know. An actual person.”
Her ears pinned back against her head, and she scuffed a purple hoof at the grass. “I...I guess I can kind of see where you’d get that image of us. Princesses, I mean. We had to make some really big sacrifices during the Crusades. Some of those involved letting parts of Equestria have more autonomy...” She lifted her head suddenly and smiled, poking at a particular spot on t he turf. “Oh! My castle is here.”
The field was just as empty as ever. Mayfly and Taxi were sitting behind me, listening expectantly and exchanging a few quiet words with one another as Limerence went back to making notes, but that was all. Swift was still cowering in the limo-tank.
“Where?” I asked.
She gave me a mysterious smile. “In shadows. It’s a little trick I learned when I made friends with the Umbrum.”
A curl of black smoke silently materialized into the suit of animated armor, who sat down facing Twilight Sparkle.
“The Mistress has a funny definition of the word ‘friends’,” Orb commented in that unsettling, grating monotone of his. “Friendships do not generally begin with terms of surrender.”
The Princess poked her tongue out at him. “It’s not my fault you tried taking over Equestria and turning everyone who disagreed with you to stone. You could all still be sitting underneath the Crystal Empire.”
Orb coughed into his hoofguard and looked away but didn’t contest the point. Twilight went back to fiddling with the grass, and I edged sideways away from Orb a meter or so.
After a moment, the alicorn lifted one ear, then hopped to the left as a spike of darkness seemed to shoot across the ground, spilling out of a particular point. I reared backwards, sitting down hard enough to almost knock the air out of my own lungs.
The shadow grew and grew, branching out across the field and ballooning upwards into the sky. It expanded enormously, blotting out a section of stars just below the eclipse.
Maybe I’d just been chased too much lately, but I quickly decided I didn’t want to be anywhere near whatever would create a shadow that size on the off chance it thought of me as a crunchy meat feast. More likely, the blind panic in my chest was some symptom of severe psychological disorders, but it’d been an exhausting evening already so I can’t be blamed for sprinting off in the opposite direction as fast as I could.
Before I’d gone ten steps, a purple aura wrapped itself around me, and then I was floating again, legs pinwheeling at the air. My armor squealed, and another flash of hot sparks spilled out of my coat.
“Detective! Calm down! It’s just my castle!” Twilight called.
I let myself go limp, and she cautiously put me down again.
“Long month,” I explained, pulling at my face. “Sorry.”
Twilight gave me a look of intense scrutiny, arching her eyebrows. They were very nice eyebrows.
Before I could get lost in her lovely violet eyes, I turned to look at her ‘castle’ instead.
“Huh. A tree made of crystals. That’s...that’s new,” I mumbled, tilting my head back to look up at the enormous building.
Maybe I’d just seen too many impressive things lately. Mayfly hadn’t been kidding about ‘gaudy’, but it was a bit small compared to the Detrot Police Department’s main headquarters. The Monte Cheval topped it head and shoulders.
To be honest, it reminded me of something a filly might sketch out in the corner of her school notebook: grand, but too expensive to be real.
A crystalline trunk maybe fifteen or twenty meters wide spilled out of the ground like it’d grown there, sprawling upwards into an altogether ridiculous mess of bright blue crystals that’d somehow formed into the general shape of a tree. A few boxy protrusions suggested rooms and hallways, but it was definitely more decorative than functional; I couldn’t see a single solid defensive position or advantage other than that the entire thing appeared to be made of diamond.
At the base of the tower, a brightly painted yellow door emblazoned with two hearts was abutted on either side by a pair of flags, one Equestrian and the other of a purple, six-pointed star surrounded by five smaller stars; two apparently empty suits of Royal Guard armor were holding the flagpoles.
Something about the whole construction seemed incredibly wrong to my very amateur architectural eye. It was just too big to sit comfortably on a trunk that size.
I felt more than heard Taxi come up beside me.
“Hardy? You’re shaking.”
“Just thinking of that school play we were both in. You remember?”
“The one where you were the rabbit and I was the mink and we sang that song about eating your vegetables?”
“No, Sweets...the other one.”
“Oh...you mean the one about the king who went crazy and killed everyone he loved so he wouldn’t have to be surprised when they died one day.”
“Yeah. Kinda feeling like I might understand him a little bit better than I did then.”
Twilight, who must have been listening, spoke up. “Detective, you do know you show all the major symptoms of severe post traumatic stress, right?”
“I’m aware,” I said, softly, pulling at the collar of my armor, which felt suddenly too tight. “Hypervigilance, depression, alcohol abuse, hallucinations, mania...It’s not my first ride on this particular roller coaster, nor is the ride over.”
She opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it.
“Don’t bother, Princess,” Taxi muttered, shaking her head. “Trust me, if I couldn’t, you definitely can’t.”
Twilight took a step back. “I can’t what? What do you mean?”
Mayfly strolled past her, pulling off her champron with a casual burst of bright green magic from her crooked horn. “Fix him, Ma’am. She means you can’t fix him. Come on, I’m starving. I’ve had enough of going out to watch you stand in the dust bowl waving your horn around. We’ve been doing this for a week straight with the same results, and the only change has been the number of bottles you bring.”
The changeling strutted right up to the door, ignoring the guards on either side, and pushed it open, leaving her bemused ward standing there looking back and forth between us. My driver followed Mayfly, giving a little dip of the chin as she ducked into the castle without waiting for an invitation.
Twilight groaned, blowing a strand of her floating mane out of her eyes. “I swear, I don’t know how Princess Celestia managed to go a thousand years without walloping a changeling with a baseball bat. Could you come inside, Detective? Mister Tome, you too. I’ll be happier to answer questions once I’ve had something to eat that isn’t alcohol. Is Officer Swift coming?”
“She’s hiding in the limo,” I replied. “Give her ten minutes, then send a guard out with a plate of bacon. That’ll lure her out.”
“Bacon?!” Twilight scoffed. “The meat? I mean, I have some for diplomatic purposes, but—”
“It works better than rabbit. She likes chicken, too. Shall we?” I held out one leg in the direction of the castle.
The Princess stood there for a long moment, glaring at me with a mixture of confusion and irritation.
“Detective...I’m only going to let this pass because my head is starting to hurt. I want you to know that, okay? When I finally get to ask you questions, you better answer them.”
“Is that ‘or else’?”
“I don’t need ‘or else’. ‘Or else’ is for ponies who get bored of asking questions.”
“So...what, then? You’re going to keep asking until I go crazy?”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously.
“Exactly. There will also be lectures. Maybe even a quiz.”
The way she said ‘quiz’ gave me a little shiver right down to the root of my tail.
----
Twilight led Limerence and me into the entrance hall of the palace, which had about twenty pairs of galoshes, various slippers, ponchos, coats, and a dozen or so umbrellas beside the door.
Once you got past the constant motif of crystal everything, it felt like somepony had gone to a fair bit of trouble to make the space cozy; the chandeliers were disguised with comforting draperies, and a tiny bookcase packed to the brim owned one wall of the foyer. A heap of ancient rugs that all looked like they’d been bought from about two hundred different secondhoof stores led up to a wide spiral staircase which went both up into the castle itself and down into what must have been a sublevel.
Taxi and Mayfly had already disappeared. No telling where they’d gotten off to.
Something about the place reminded me of a comfortable little library/inn I’d stayed in a few years back when Taxi convinced me to get out of the city for awhile. Limerence’s eyes lit up as he saw the bookshelf.
“You have...you have first editions of Marechiavelis!” the librarian gasped, reverently tugging a tome off and holding it in both hooves, running his toe down the binding.
Twilight smiled, her cheeks coloring. “That’s the returns shelf. If you want to check something out, the drones will have them filed soon.”
“The drones?” I asked. “Mayfly’s drones?”
She nodded. “They keep up most of the time, but now and then I go on a research binge. My informational resources are pretty extensive, but you were a disaster for our librarians once we started trying to figure out why our spells couldn’t track you.”
“Wait...you...you have a library?” Limerence asked, a slightly crazed glint in his eye.
The Princess snickered at some private joke, then wiggled out of her robe and hung it on one of the pegs beside the door. Without the robe, she was even more gorgeous, and I had to quickly swallow a mouthful of saliva before I embarrassed myself by drooling over the royal posterior.
Bad Hardy. No bagel.
“It’s nice meeting somepony who appreciates books,” she replied. “Yes, I have ‘a’ library.” Looking back to me, she commented, “You can leave anything you don’t want to carry with you here. The drones and shadows will leave it alone.”
I pulled off my hat, then shrugged out of my coat so I could strip off the anti-magic armor. It didn’t smell especially good after the ride through the Bull.
“Who gave you that armor, Detective?” Twilight asked keenly.
“A psychotic party pony with too much time on their hooves and a weird sense of humor,” I answered.
She gave me a skeptical look. “You...you can’t mean...”
“Yeah. The Detrot Coroner, Slip Stitch. I don’t know where he got it.” The Princess deflated a little, and I asked, “Why? Who’d you think I meant?”
She quickly waved her hooves. “Never mind. She used to have a really weird way of just appearing when somepony said her name, so I’m not even taking the risk. We can use the east sitting room.”
“Ahem...Princess Twilight, if you wouldn’t object, I find myself tired and peckish. Watching the Detective try to obfuscate his way out of answering all of your questions sounds a bit dull. Could you point me to the library and maybe some food?” Limerence asked.
Twilight nodded, and her horn flashed. After a few seconds, a small black form tromped up the spiral stairs from down below, looking a bit put out. It was a changeling drone, undisguised and spattered with a mixture of frosting and mashed potato. I couldn’t tell one bug’s gender from another, but this one had a definite masculine set to its shoulders.
“Rough day, Mervin?” Twilight asked.
The insect hesitated, then lowered his head as he wiped a bit of goop out of his wing membranes. “Yes, Ma’am. The Queen and a strange yellow pony with a braid are in the lower kitchen...destroying it. Incidentally, we’ll need to replenish our flour and spice stores when we go shopping next. How may I be of assistance?”
Twilight waved a hoof at Limerence, who was studying the changeling with interest.
“This is Mister Tome. Take him upstairs and show him whatever he likes. Full access.”
Mervin’s bright blue eyes widened. “Unrestricted access, Ma’am?”
“No point in restricting access now, is there?” she replied, sadly. “Besides, I’m tired of half my library requiring a card you can only get from a secret agency. I collected these books for ponies to use, not to hoard them in some silly fortress.”
With a little skip in his step, Limerence trotted after the changeling, heading towards the stairs. “Do you mind if I ask you some questions...” Lim paused expectantly.
“Baking Drone One Two Seven One Six Eight, designation ‘Mervin’,” the bug finished.
“Mervin. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? I’ve never had the chance to study one of your species while they were still alive—”
The rest of the conversation was cut off as the two of them vanished upstairs, leaving me alone with Twilight Sparkle and a half dozen ballpoint pens which had appeared in a floating halo around her head.
“Shall we, Detective?”
----
She led me down a long hallway which ringed the interior of the crystal tree. Each of the doors had been carefully labeled; some seemed to be dormitories, while others were storage of different flavors. I ran my eyes down a few of the ones we passed, mentally cataloguing them: Unshelved books, Catering, Armory, Party Cannons, Cannons, Friendship Reports Years 05 - 07.
A couple of changelings were cleaning various things and I once saw what I thought might be a shadow drift by one of the windows, but the building seemed otherwise very empty.
“Where is everypony?” I asked.
There was a hitch in Twilight’s voice as she answered. “My students and friends—those who stay with me from time to time—had all gone to watch the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville. I was out of the country when the Darkening happened. By the time I teleported back, they were all...gone. Only the drones and guards remained.”
“Oof...sorry I asked.”
She brushed the awkwardness aside with a flip of one hoof. “It’s...It’s fine. Really. It’s the kind of question anypony would ask.”
We’d stopped at a door labeled ‘East Sitting Room’ with a note below scrawled in felt tip reading ‘Interrogation Chamber’. Twilight hastily conjured a rag and wiped that away.
“That’s what I get for encouraging Mayfly’s drones to have more individual autonomy,” she groused. “They’ve developed senses of humor.”
“Yeah, speaking of that. How’d you end up with a changeling queen and a guy made of shadows watching you while you drink?”
Twilight tsked and set a hoof on the door. “They weren’t watching me drink! Well...they weren’t just watching me drink. I was taking readings from the site. But, as to your question, do you remember when one of the changeling queens tried taking over Canterlot a few decades ago? I’m sure you’ve heard that story.”
“Maybe in history class, sure. Princess Celestia handled it, if I remember. It was during the Royal Wedding between Princess Cadance and Shining Armor.”
Her cheeks colored, and she slumped. “Erm...wow, way to make a mare feel old. History class? Sheesh.”
“One of the many joys of immortality?”
“You could say that,” she replied, with another expression that mixed sadness with nostalgia. “I was there. It was actually me and my friends who prevented the fall of Canterlot. My brother is Shining Armor. We stopped Chrysalis and drove her away. There were a few other little adventures she managed to cause in between, but I discovered a spell to reveal changelings in a large area. After about five months, every queen on this continent came knocking at my door.”
I took a second to process that. Some part of me was still in denial that I was in the presence of one of the most historically influential beings of the last sixty years. She seemed so normal. Ponies who qualify as heroes of the nation should be otherworldly and bizarre, but if anything, she was less quirky than most of the people I spent my days with. A bit excitable, maybe, but not eccentric in any way that was unpleasant.
“So...what? All of changeling queens? How many of them are there and what made them think they were going to get any mercy here?”
Twilight shifted uneasily from one hoof to the other. “As to how many? That's...part of the treaty. I can't ever tell anypony how many of them there are. I have a bad habit of making friends out of enemies. We wrote up a treaty so the changelings could live in most of Equestria, under the rule that they no longer kidnap ponies to steal love.”
“That doesn’t really explain how you ended up with one of them guarding you,” I pointed out.
“Oh...no, I guess it doesn’t. Well, changelings are funny. They gave me one of their children—a queen nymph—as a ‘slave’ to seal our agreement.”
“A slave?!” I asked incredulously. “Really?”
She pushed open the door, revealing a comfortable little room with a gently crackling fire in the hearth and several cushions. “That’s what they intended, but she makes a pretty good friend when she isn’t out drinking or...or other unsavory activities. We get shipments of love-imbued crystals to keep the hive fed, but Mayfly likes hers...um...” She bit her lower lip, trying to think of a way of saying whatever it was that was dancing around the tip of her tongue.
“Au naturel?” I offered.
She darted onto the nearest seat, wrapping a wing around herself to cover her bright red face. “Y-yes.”
“And Orb? Pardon me saying, he doesn’t seem to like you much for someone you’ve got watching your back.”
“He’s...mmm...he’s complicated.” Turning about in a little circle, she stomped her cushion into shape and sat. “The Umbrum were locked under the Crystal Empire sometime back before recorded history. They managed to create a tyrannical golem out of magic with the intent of eventually releasing themselves. but sadly, for them, he was imbued with a bit too much free will. He saw the light and helped us seal them back beneath the Crystal Empire. When the war came, I...needed agents I didn’t have to worry about dying.”
I flumped down on a cushion across from her. “What, then? They volunteered for the Royal Guard? I find that hard to believe.”
She considered the question for a moment. “I think ‘volunteer’ might be a strong word, but...yes, that’s more or less what they did once negotiations were complete. That armor is its own cage. They can’t ever get out of it, buuut…it lets them watch movies, read books, and play foosball. I hope they’ll one day prove they deserve true freedom again. One day. Maybe.”
We settled into a comfortable quiet, both trying to think of something to say. She was the sort of pony that silence was nice around, now and then. After a few seconds, her pen reappeared, and she began jotting something down in a little book, looking up at me now and then before going back to scribbling.
“So...Princess of Friendship. Sounds like a crappy gig, if I’m honest,” I said once a few minutes had gone by with no further conversation.
“It...has good days and bad days,” she replied, still writing. “The Crusades were pretty much one long bad day. Hence the Grand Memoria Incantation; the spell that...distracted the world from my actions. My little brother is a dragon. I needed him...I needed him to be safe.”
I couldn’t tell if she was really paying attention or not, but she struck me as the kind of pony who answered questions when she wasn’t. Twilight seemed to be in her own little world.
“And...your little ‘brother’ is a dragon, huh? Pretty sure the genetics of that would give me a headache...”
She tittered and raised her eyes, stretching out across her pillow like a lazy housecat. “No, no! Sorry. His name is Spike. He’s the ambassador to the dragon lords. He’s adopted. I raised him. He was in Canterlot visiting...visiting an old friend.” Her mood sank, visibly, and she picked up the notepad again. “Still, that’s neither here nor there. I’d love to hear your story. Could you start at the beginning?”
“The beginning?”
She twirled a hoof beside her head. “You know, whatever it was that set you on the path to Ponyville.”
“Oh...hmmm.” I looked up at the ceiling, unconsciously stuffing one forehoof into my pocket. Something was there, and I pulled it out, setting it on the pillow; it was the diary that started this whole mess.
“Like many stories that end in disaster, I guess it begins with a girl. This particular girl was...a very special filly. She dreamed of being a jeweler and seeing the big city. She died in an alleyway trying to save her sister from monsters most of us had no idea existed. She was beautiful, and she was brave. Her name...was Ruby Blue.”
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That's our Twilight, for sure.
And don't sweat it, it's been a LOT of chapters between "start" and "Castle of Friendship".
(Come to think, I wonder how the map's doing.)
I think this is the first time I actually had to stop reading in the middle of a chapter because I was laughing to hard to read. You've done very well.
A recap chapter sounds great, with all the clues in one place we can start to put together the answers to the three questions that you must ask to defeat a foe.
What are they after?
How are they going to get it?
And most importantly;
How are you going to stop them?
It also seems that if The Shield wasn't subverted recently, this has been in the pipes for a long, long time.
Oooooo I cant wait to see twilights face after the story. Good bit with Swift asking the random question, I laughed my ass off at that.
Oh Twilight. Bless your purple fuzzy flank, you haven't changed one bit.
Also, Hardy totally has the hots for you.
This chapter was just a joy to read. Twilight being Twilight and bridging the then and now was like a breath of fresh air. And the story behind Mayfly and Orb was great, too.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFT
I'd ship it!!! Hardlight for the win!
But in all seriousness, this was a fun chapter to read. Strange to see somepony so familiar to us fans (with some hilarious new quirks to allow her to fit in this darker Equestria) mingling with the wonderfully fleshed out characters you've created.
Also glad to see that Spike was mentioned in this chapter.
I remember sending you a private mail a while back asking about him (mostly cause I had a theory about why Twi erased herself from history yet didn't want it to potentially be a spoiler as you've asked us to avoid posting our theories in the comments to not ruin potential future surprises).
If only they'd brought Slip Stitch - He'd probably figure out a way to get a copy of the fic.
At least Swift has been taking notes.
Definitely hit the twilihght mood strong XD
Albeit it does create a few issues i think. Largley, that twilight would still have access to the map. And the map is rather clearly an exstension fo the tree of harmony. Slo why wouldn't the map be helping twilight out, even reveal the location of those responsible for this and give direction to how to reach them?
Kinda a moment where the Tree definitely would be active. Things are looking bad...... As for the idea that the map could easily reveal where they are, the Tree of Harmony is beyond anyone. Its magic overpowers anything it is set against, be iti fallen gods, chaos beasts, and fiends who nearly ascended to godhood, all swept away.
Some assholes with a 'don't find my ass' spell wouldn't be a challenge.
Still holding to that theory i had about what happened.
The fact that Hardy is convinced he'll be arrested for all eternity when this story is over continues to sadden me. This is our hero, the guy who's pretty much going to save the entire world, and he thinks the only ending for him is death or a cell?
A recap chapter! Read every chapter so far, but a recap will be nice.
"was predicted and hence a pony"
"predicted, and"?
"close to the suggesting that there"
"to suggesting that" or "to the suggestion that"?
"such a being were to exist"
"a sentience were"?
I'm not sure that that's what you meant, but it's the best I'm thinking of at the moment. My first thought was to replace "being" with "narrative", but that wouldn't work for the description of its sense of humor. Sorry I'm not thinking of better at the moment.
"a terrible, and malevolent sense of"
"terrible and" or "malevolent, sense"?
I think that you have gone what, 900,000 words without the need for one? Yeah, no matter what, this will be a good chapter to look forward to with this one. I have faith in ya. And well, of course, explaining the bullets, the gun, and of course missing a good chunk of your insides.
This was just awesomeness incarnate. Straight up nailed Twilights character. Recap chapter sounds nice actually take the time you need. Thanks as always.
7118338
well wtever said powers is at work on this that counters some of that power the tree of harmony has is beyond me let alone how it fully works. even if she did possibly know who and where the why as to why she cant do somethings is byond most of us, kinda like how for most things twilight nd friends are usually the ones havin the save the day whereas celestia is off doin who knows what while shit hits the fan, hopefully this story can detail the powers that has done such a thing in full detail when the time comes
Oh come on! They barely met and I am already shipping them.
Is that a reference to Princesses Don't Potty?
Now it is confirmed that some entity out there is strong enough to kidnap the Princesses and not just illusion them away or anything like that, as well as boot Twilight out of the city.
Wonder if we could get a Toph!Explanation just for kicks.
I really liked this chapter, the bit with ali poop was pretty funny, and I liked seeing the explanations for everything. so this chapter was a plus
So... the PACT's shield is most likely a front for an anti-deity device so they can do whatever they want without worrying about princesses, Discord, or any similar beings interfering and Swift is taking interview lessons from Luffy.
Also, Hardlight? Eh, I can ship it.
7119243
Or Luffy from One Piece.
7118893 Yeah, a recap is always good, especially for stories of this magnitude.
I am sure you will give us something awesome, Chessie.
But if you need a bit of inspiration, look how Avatar: The Last Airbender did their recap episode... It was certainly unique how they recapped things via an in story play production (with biases from the Fire Nationers views).
This was a beautiful chapter. You introduced Twilight at exactly the right time, and you've written her really darn well. Matured but with the same quirks.
Wonderful chapter! I love your portrayal of Twilight. Very true to her character while expanding on her history.
I'm all for a recap chapter, but even with all the twists and turns this story has taken, (creeping up on a million words), I still remember most of the key plot points. That's masterful storytelling, IMHO.
7120320 Making her cute, neurotic, and much older was...difficult. Guh, every chapter with her thereafter has to copy that, too!
-Chessie
7120973
So far, you're doing an excellent job!
It took 87 chapters, 2 and a portion Acts, 885,579 words, a side story, and something like 3 years - 7 months and 25 days... but Mario finally found the princess!
Figures above exclude the first chapter as the joke here is the second chapter was called " Your Princess is in Another Castle" and this one is called "Your Princess Is In This Castle"
freysmiles.com/images/uploads/general/Alcohol.jpeg
NUMBER 1! WE REQUIRE A RECAP IN ORDER TO FULLY COMPREHEND THE ANSWER TO THE MYSTERY WE ARE ABOUT TO SOLVE!
MAKE IT SO.
fullnomad.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/make-it-so.png
I've been following this story faithfully since the beginning and there's still threads I see unfinished, questions unanswered.... I have a feeling we may never get all the answers, life doesn't work that way sadly.
7123017 Oh...we will. Believe me. I didn't leave any loose ends.
-Chessie
7123279 Sweet, can't wait to see how it all ties together. Although, you should probably leave a small mystery or two just to mess with your readers!
Welp, I think this chapter had my full dose of adorkable for the week, between Swift and Twilight. That said...we seem to be actually moving into the endgame and it's just kinda weird to think it's actually happening. I've been following this for so long, it's just become a regular fixture in my life by now.
7126953 And...remind me again why you're not writing regularly and at length?
-Chessie
7126619 Don't start mourning yet. There's still quite a ways to go.
-Chessie
7127404
Well alright then! I shall continue looking forward to future chapters!
Not done with you yet!
MORE ART
7130631 And its adorable as heck!
7120973 Actually, you seem to be writing her like you write Hardy: the protagonist of her own adventures, has seen enough to need drinks but also the one her companions look to to lead them. (By her own admission, she's even blatantly flouted the law to get stuff done.) Her circumstances may be different, but in this case her soul is similar.
7123279 Oh, don't worry, in any work this large there are always minor loose ends. That's what fan fiction was invented for.
For example, what happened to Ghoulini/Patter? Did she suffer any consequences from helping Hardy escape?
I simply cannot find words to say how much I liked this chapter :)
It's amazing how you portrayed Twilight.
And interactions between her and Hardboiled are brilliant.
I hope there will more of them (interactions).
Also +1 to "And the story behind Mayfly and Orb was great, too."
It will be nice to have recap chapter.
Though: +1 to iisaw on the topic that "(creeping up on a million words), I still remember most of the key plot points. That's masterful storytelling"
Hold on a tick.
Princessmobile is made by someone distrustful of wheels?
I like this chapter. I like this chapter a lot.
Sorry, but....
I ship it. The Hardlight shall shine, FOREVEEEEER!!!
#sorrynotsorry
GAHHHHH I JUST WANT TO READ MORE
love you.
7185815 There will be more coming. Sorry for the delay.
-Chessie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdiLxyGH8Lg
This was playing during the entirety of this episode. I know the final chapter is a ways off, but I thought it paired nicely
with the somber, accepting, somewhat darkly humorous nature of this chapter.
Yeah, this will be a recap episode, but frankly, given the glut of information we've dealt with so far, it's a recap
episode we desperately need.
The new chapter'd better be out soon! :D
7206036 It's coming. Sorry for the delay. I've been a mixture of sick/finishing chapter/camping and it hit me big time. Look for the new chapter tomorrow or the next day.
-Chessie
Is that a subtle Hard Reset reference I detect?
I wonder if the spell is a one time thing like Stalin's efforts to "erase" politically embarrassing people from the "official" history, or if it is like continual, short-term memory loss.
The latter might make it difficult to carry on a conversation:
Swift: Sir! Sir! Look! An alicorn! It is another princess! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!
Mayfly: Show respect horse-bird! This is Princess Twilight Sparkle! Mares and Gentlestallions! The High, Eternal Queen of All Hives, the Shadow Trap, She-Who-Wields-The-Rainbow, the Sun’s Dagger, the Elemental Magic, Lady of Friendship, Horn of Minos, and Heavenly Blade of Griffonia!
Hardy: Princess! Your Highness! I am glad I found you! There is not much time! I am—
Twilight: —Detective Hard Boiled, accompanied by First Sargent Swift Cuddles and Specialist Sweet Shine.
Hardy: Errr...right. I have—
Twilight: —the Nightmare Helm
Hardy: Errr...yes, and we need to stop—
Twilight: —the UAA from obtaining the complete set, who are also suspected of being behind the disappearance of Canterlot and the Darkening.
Hardy: ...how did you—
Twilight: —know what you were going to say? This is the 9th time we have spoken.
Hardy: ...
Swift: Sir! Sir! Look! An alicorn princess!
Twilight:
Heh
I get the feeling that we all know the answer to that... (Where is the Potty Praetorian when you need them?)
7206036
That does sound nice and quite fitting with the atmosphere. I was listing to The Road OST
Some of my favourites:
- #2 - The Road
- #5 - Water and Ash
- #6 - The Mother
- #7 - The Real Thing
- #10 - The Far Road
- #12 - The Journey
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Got got off work and I finally have time to absorb chapters 16 and 17 tonight. This'll be the highlight of my (somewhat early) weekend.
Hardy has a hardyyy..
Can't blame him, tho.
I really want to see Iris Jade meet Mayfly. Hopefully with some desk throwing involved.
Mental breakdown commencing.
I'm sure there's a trope for that, but I can't remember the name ... PreFriendshipAssKicking or something along those lines.
Down boy.
Oh no. Taxi, that was possibly the worst thing you could have said. Nopony tells Twi she can't do something.
Why do I get the feeling that Detrot!Twi could pull of a Professor Umbridge with no hesitation?
Wait, and it never occurred to anyone that he might have his grandfather's Crusades weapon that did the same thing? Twi, set fire to your research staff.
Noooooo!
oo, are we going to see the others?
I really hope I didn't wake the house up with my laughing
7219310
Only the 9th time?
Frankly I'd believe Pinkie was just a spirit's manifestation that took through a familyline.
There is some terrifying part of me that wishes to write out poorly manufactured shitposting onto this site now.
Step one is accomplished, he has found someone with enough authority he can try and make all this their problem. That said, they are also high enough in authority they can then delegate it right back down to him to sort out. Also.... wait what happened at the end of last chapter? my memory seems a bit hazy for some reason... oh right.... Twilight is copying Reed Richards for being the dumbest smart person ever with her ideas!
Seriously with that title?.... Well played story!
I blame either Discord, or Ponies being Ponies and some unicorn king being annoyed that the sun kept waking him up by shining through his window, and rather then get some curtains, had his lackeys create a spell to control the sun..... and broke it.
Someone has been listening to The Pink One talk about this 'fourth wall' thing haven't they?
Silly Hardy, you don't get off that easy, your suffering is too amusing for us!
.... He's got a point....
Well gee, maybe if it wasn't impossible for any of them to leave a lasting impression on anypony you might be able to actually know something!
This is not doing much to dispel my "She hooked up with Chryssi" theory. Also... or what? He can't answer questions if you kill him, and nothing you can threaten him with is worse then what he's already dealt with.
Be glad he's this hard to track down! Also, get in the long, long line of beings that want a piece of him.
Whoooo go Tome! Stick it to the idiot for her stupid idea and make her suffer trying to keep up the bad idea!
She's just out there collecting all the enemies, ain't she?
How the hell did you hide that eyesore from all knowledge and memory?
My Kindle is saying you lot are only 3/5 of the way through your story... you ain't getting out of it that easy.
......... That is you own damn fault!!!
Have i mentioned that I really, REALLY like her?
"This random treaty showed up somehow, no one knows where it came from but we just agreed to sign it."
Well gee, if only anypony knew that!!!
He's had a very busy month. If anypony knew about you maybe he could have gotten in touch to keep you appraised.
Just throw a first edition book she hasn't seen yet at her, that'll snap her out of it.
Twilight gotta Twilight.
Because somepony erased all knowledge of how ponies who save Equestria can be rewarded and get away with all kinds of shenanigans.
Damnit Hardy, stop thinking like a cop. You are operating at the level where "lawful" is just a polite suggestion in how you should act, what matters is sticking to the 'good' side of the chart... because there are not any laws to govern this kind of shit storm.
Given this is Twinkle Sprinkle, we talking what..... had some library books go over-due because she was out of town saving the world?
RCV powers activate!
Never leave these two alone.... you will not be able to get anything useful from either of them for at least the next month.
Something like say...... a Shield?
So.... is being immune to that another benefit of the Crusader masking Hardy, is The Bull just so bizzare it breaks whatever is keeping them in, or is the Shield tuned only to beings of a certain magical weight class?
...... My girl........
Luffy would be so proud of you!
Also, I love Mayfly, but I get the feeling we should not leave her and taxi alone.
Then again.... knowing at least Taxi... they might not care if they are alone...
"Try your cooking"... is that what we're calling it now?
Huh.... so Twilight wasn't involved in that..... generally it's my default assumption whenever somepony is messing around with the borders of reality.
..... She needs some freinds.... STAT! And gee Princess.... maybe if anybeing other then your servants could recall that you even exist!!!
Swift,time to get over your embarrassment and do your thing.. I'm sure you brought your cards!
Yeah... that is none of them Hardy....
Ah, so she hid the thing.... interesting.
They do if your in an anime!
At this point...... yeah, something bizarre you don't understand is happening, you are more then justified in running.
"Like something dreamed up by some marketing exec wanting to sell cheap plastic toys or something."
Twilight... at this point he has gone past that and is inventing all new symptoms to deal with!
......... okay story,that HAS to be a Hard Reset reference...right?
If Mayfly says the word 'weathervane' to Taxi, I'm out of here!
Mmmmmmm bacon..... the ultimate bribe!
Yeah....you really have no idea who you are messing with right now.
Again, Book Horse is still Book Horse
Wait.... who is checking them out in a castle that is hidden from everypony and wiped from their memory?
........... Does Hardy have high blood pressure?
Though.... huh..... does he? Or is Gale keeping that in check?
Smart.... do not risk calling forth The Pink One!
Well... those two get to work fast.... and enthusiastically...
Heh, can't fault her logic on this one.... that said..... given who this is well.... on the plus side, you all aren't likely to be here long enough for him to do more then skim through the most interesting looking tomes.
D'awwwwww.... love this touch!
Wait.... there are Ponies who know you? But...if you say 'friends' but also say it's been a long long time since anypony has treated you like just another pony.... something isn't adding up.
Wait but... the story keeps saying The Darkening happened the same day as the Hitlan assault, despite at the time it being pretty clear a day had passed amid all the recovering and stabilizing from injuries. And you also just said that as soon as the embassy went BOOM! You were trying to get into Detrot.... so.... you can't have been that far!
Ehhhhh.... not really.... this one was more on Shiny and Cadance..... which is another reason saying it was Celestia is odd if you just need to wipe the Mane 6 out of the record.
.... and another really, really bad comic....
...... And the rest of the Mane 6? I get the idea but........ that gives the word 'overkill' a workout. There had to be better ways of doing that that don't have as many, many, MANY ways of screwing things up and fucking over both your friends and all of Equestria! And also don't remove proof that Ponies and Dragons can get along just fine as well as all of the influence the Spike might have had with the Dragons to help work for peace earlier....
It's not as stupid as "I want to be a hermit" but....... this is still Reed Richards level "Dumbest Smart person ever" planning.
.... Damn.... that is..... damn that is well said......
To be fair if Nightmare Night is canon then this ain't the first time.
That said there is some funky timeline slippage
At the very least NMN is implied to be in some al universe where the events of SoD never happen completely, or there's a short break for the holidays?