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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Curious... tracking.
Ah, so it passed did it? *cracks his knuckles and stretches* I guess I need to get back to work then.
It didn't take me long to get through this chapter, good work.
I must says it's been a different start than many of the other HiE stories I've tried to read (many of them were absolute shit by levels of grammar, punctuation, point of view, past present future tense, and idea flow). From what I've seen, you are efficient in these core areas of writing and my interest has been captured.
Lastly, I'd like to beg that you do not squander my interest in your story. It is difficult finding decent stories on this damned website. To avoid this, which I won't be able to stress enough, is to OFTENLY UPDATE THIS STORY ON A FAIRLY REGULAR BASIS!
wow really good man great job I am really impressed
I saw this and cringed a bit because this is kind of like saying "I am a human who is alive in the current year," It is also vague what is meant by 'latest creatures ', do you mean the most newly discovered creatures or all currently discovered creatures.
Something that I think you could do to improve, is to change the title to something like 'Newly Discovered Creatures -whatever year or time marking system is used- Edition'.
I hope that my comment was able to help you improve your story.
Not to sound nit picky but this whole chapter felt very rushed. I mean its not that bad in my opinion, but there is room for improvement!
So... he has a beard over his mask???? And teeth???