Luna versus Lodging 2
Progress:
Luna versus Lodging
Part 2
Andrew J. Talon
- - - - - - -
BRINNNNGGGG!
Sundance awoke to the sound of an alarm clock. A very, very loud alarm clock. Even through several floors it was annoyingly loud. Her old roommate had gotten it because she was a very heavy sleeper and it was the only way to get her up. Her old roommate...
“EEEP!”
BOOM!
The house shuddered as an explosion went off. Sundance scrambled out of bed, but only succeeded in slamming snout-first into the wooden floor.
“OW!” She untangled herself from her sheets and galloped out of her room upstairs. She stopped short at the hole now in the door to Luna’s room. She looked behind herself, and grimaced-Yes, there was a hole in the outside wall too. She slowly opened the door and peeked in.
“Uh... Princess Luna?”
The Princess had apparently been staring at the hole left by the alarm clock. She guiltily looked back at where it had been sitting on the side table by the bed, then back at Sundance.
“Er... Um... Hello,” she said. “Sorry but I was... Ahem... Surprised by the alarm going off.”
“Oh... Um... No, it’s just fine Your Majesty,” Sundance said, raising a hoof.
“No, no! It’s my fault. You see, I was... Well... Curious,” she admitted. Sundance blinked.
“Curious?”
“Well, I’ve never woken up with one before,” Luna said. “Usually I awaken due to the natural shift in the world as the sun rises and sets. But uh... An alarm clock seemed...”
“Normal?” Sundance guessed, feeling a bit resigned. Luna nodded sheepishly. Sundance sighed.
“Well... Good thing you gave me so much rent, huh?” Sundance joked.
“I can fix it. I will fix it, it should be very easy with my magic,” Luna said quickly with a smile. “You don’t have to worry about a thing!”
Sundance nodded slowly, but the first hints of doubt regarding the whole arrangement were creeping into her mind.
“Now... Do you think I’ll need nails? Maybe marble? I don’t think those two go together but I’m willing to experiment...”
- - - - - - -
To keep Luna from constantly apologizing, Sundance suggested that the Princess buy them dinner before they had to go up to the palace to work. Luna found this fair, and so they headed off to a restaurant of Sundance’s choice nearby the palace that a fair number of employees of the Royal Family used before and after their shifts ended.
Hence it’s name: White Castle Royale.
Luna had already raised the moon, so they trotted in and took a table. Luna almost immediately pulled out some books and a journal from her saddlebags and began reviewing them, her trusty abacus clicking away as she wrote down notes. Sundance looked from her off to the other ponies at some of the other tables who were engaged in similar work and couldn’t help a smile.
“Mm? What is it Sundance?” Luna asked, glancing up over her glasses. Sundance shook her head and chuckled.
“Nothing, it’s just that you look... Well...”
“Yes? Yes? How do I look? Is something wrong?” Luna asked, suddenly worried.
“No! No, it’s just, well... You look normal, Prin-Er, I mean, Miss Selene,” Sundance said. Luna stared for a few moments and Sundance saw her career going down the drain.
“Guards, have this rapscallion flogged and thrown into the dungeon! Then banished! Then thrown into another dungeon where I banished her to!” Princess Luna declared, for some reason waving herself with an ornate fan.
“No! Please! I--My cutie-mark says I must to be free to bring sunshine into other’s lives!” Sundance pleaded. Luna smirked coldly.
“You forgot, my dear--I am of the MOON. Mwahahahahahaha!”
“That... Is wonderful,” Luna said with a large, genuine smile. Sundance smiled back, feeling far more relieved than she thought she would.
Come on, Princess Luna isn’t like that...
“Sundance!” Called a male voice. Sundance turned and smiled as her coltfriend entered the restaurant.
“Hoyden! Hello!” He trotted up to her, and they rubbed noses together. Luna coughed and looked at her notes, which drew Hoyden’s attention. He smiled brightly.
“So, who is this?” He asked.
“Oh, this is Selene, my new roommate,” Sundance replied. Luna nodded back.
“Hello.”
“It’s nice to meet you! Sundance has told me... Exactly nothing about you,” Hoyden said with a teasing wink to his marefriend. Sundance opened her mouth to speak, but Luna beat her to it.
“Well, I just moved in today. This morning I mean, I moved in this morning, late morning actually. Now I’m just here as I’m getting ready to go to work with Sundance, at this restaurant, which is perfectly normal,” Luna said quickly.
Hoyden blinked. Sundance resisted the urge to facehoof.
“You’re her coltfriend that must be nice! You look nice!” Luna said quickly. Hoyden blinked. He looked her up and down with a serious expression, from her books to her cutie mark. Sundance had a premonition of sudden doom.
Oh no... He’s going to blurt out her identity and everyone will know and she’ll freak out and alarm clock and-!
“Librarian?” Hoyden guessed. “For Princess Luna?”
“For? Yes! For! For Princess Luna, a librarian! Who’s a librarian?” Luna asked quickly. Hoyden nodded sagely and looked over at Sundance.
“Librarians for the Royal Palace always look like her. The younger ones.” He winked at her. “And the pretty ones too.”
“Wh-What?!” Luna gasped. Sundance nodded quickly and moved forward, setting a hoof over Luna’s.
“Yes! Yes, she is a librarian. She’s under a lot of stress but Princess Luna isn’t a bad boss to have,” Sundance said quickly. “So really, Selene is just a little stressed.”
“Yes, I’m just a little stressed, that’s all,” Luna said quickly. “I need to read, it’ll make me less stressed.” She frowned. “What’s that ticking noise...?”
“Uh...” Hoyden gestured down with his nose. Luna looked down and saw that she’d begun clacking the beads of her abacus rapidly out of nerves. She stopped, and gave both Earth ponies a sheepish grin. Sundance coughed.
“Well! Uh, Hoyden, we need to talk about that thing, somewhere else,” she said quickly.
“That thing? Oh yes! That thing,” Hoyden said, his memory “helped” by Sundance’s kick to his leg. He smiled at Luna. “Pleasure to meet you, Selene.”
“Thank you,” Selene said, lifting a book up to cover her embarrassed face. Sundance led Hoyden outside the restaurant. Leading him to a window where she could keep an eye on the princess, she looked at her coltfriend with a sigh.
“I’m really sorry Hoyden, but Selene’s... Er... New to Canterlot. Very new.”
“I gathered,” Hoyden said dryly. He winced. “You didn’t have to kick me.”
“Well I didn’t want her to feel any worse than she already does!” Sundance said defensively. Hoyden nodded vigorously.
“All right, all right... So... Where is she from?” Hoyden asked. Sundance sighed.
“From the moon,” she said flatly. Hoyden snickered.
“She does act like it, the poor mare. Seriously, let me guess... Bookish type, not a friend in the world...” He looked through the window at Luna, who was carefully checking over her abacus like a little filly might her teddy bear. “Except maybe that box thing.”
“Abacus,” Sundance corrected.
“Aba-what?” Hoyden asked. Sundance shook her head.
“Nevermind. Look, the point is she’s going to be staying with me for a while to get used to Canterlot and... Everything.”
“Well, not to worry... I know just what will fix her up!” Hoyden said happily. Sundance gave her coltfriend a withering look.
“Not Thistle.”
“Oh come on! He’s mopey and depressed all the time now, it’s just awful,” Hoyden said. “He needs a marefriend, bad.”
“And you would inflict him on her?” Sundance asked in disbelief. Hoyden rolled his neck in the equis version of a shrug.
“Well... Maybe she’d cheer him up?”
“Life is just one bad thing after another, nobody stopping by longer than they need to,” Luna sighed, sitting outside of a little tent built out of sticks. Thistle sat next to her and nodded.
“Yup.”
“No!” Sundance said sharply. “Not Thistle!”
“Well, what about Traveller?” Hoyden suggested. “He’s a nice, reliable, salt of the earth kind of colt.”
“He’s... Into younger mares, isn’t he?” Sundance asked.
“Not that much younger, I mean, everypony’s younger than him,” Hoyden said with a laugh.
“No.”
“Well, how about-?”
“No! Dating is not something that will help Selene out! At all!” Sundance said. Hoyden shrugged.
“But Honey... She needs somepony else in her life. It would give her some stability.” He nuzzled her. “I know the happiest moment in my life was meeting you.”
“Oh, stop it,” Sundance giggled. “Just because it was doesn’t mean you need to brag about it.”
“Yeah, but I just think that... Well, why not help her out? After all, you’re letting her stay with you.” He smiled at her through his bangs. “You never do that for anypony you don’t want to help.”
Sundance looked up at the sky, and the moon that had so recently held the Dark Mare. Staring up at it, she found her smile fading.
“Yes... I do want to help her, I suppose,” Sundance said quietly. “But... I don’t think that can help. Not her.”
“Come on... What pony hasn’t ever felt alone before?” Hoyden asked. Sundance sighed, and nuzzled Hoyden. Her coltfriend nuzzled her back after a moment, a bit confused.
“I think she might be a little out of my league,” Sundance admitted. Hoyden looked her in the eyes with a bright smile.
“There isn’t a pony I know you can’t get a smile out of,” Hoyden said. “Just like you said to me: All it takes is one smile at a time.”
“I suppose,” Sundance sighed. Sundance looked in the window.
“Hoyden,” she said in a very calm voice.
“Yes?”
“She’s gone,” Sundance said, eyes widening.
“Well... She couldn’t have gone far, right?” Hoyden smiled. “I’m sure she can take care of herself.”
- - - - - - - -
“I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand,” Luna said to the two colts now on either side of her. One smiled a large grin that was full of teeth.
“I said, you’re very hot.”
“I think it’s quite temperate, actually,” Luna said politely, focusing back on her books. The other colt rested his hoof upon her book. She looked up at him over her glasses.
“Yeah, temperate... Listen, can I buy you a drink?” The colt asked.
“Or can we buy you a drink?”
“I really love the kinky librarian look, by the way. Really wicked,” the other colt said. Luna blinked, and used a hoof to pull a lock of her mane in front of her eyes.
“‘Kinky?’” She asked.
“Ah, look... Can we buy you a drink?” The second colt asked. Luna smiled.
“Well of course you can, if you want. That... That is normal right?”
“Er... Yes, yes, that is,” the first colt said. Luna smiled cheerfully.
“By all means, do so kind sirs!”
“But uh, not here,” the second colt said. “Little place across the street.”
“Well... As long as I’m back soon,” Luna said. She packed away all her books and notes and her abacus into her saddlebags and smiled. “Lead on!”
- - - - - - -
“No, no, you don’t understand, she is gone, just like that, she’s too meticulous to just run off!” Sundance said.
“What are you so worried about? She probably just headed to the bathroom or something,” Hoyden said.
“With all of her stuff?” Sundance demanded.
“... Well, sometimes I get extra work done-”
“She’s not you!”
- - - - - - -
“Oh my, this is very... Uh... Rustic,” Luna said, looking around the bar curiously. The first colt nodded and looked to the bartender, a beefy looking colt with a cutie mark in the shape of a bottle, and a tattoo of a skull on the inside of his neck.
“What’ll it be?” He asked, as Luna sat up at the bar and the colts took seats on either side of her.
“The usual for all three of us,” the first colt said with a grin. The bartender harrumphed, then set down three shots. He poured from a clear liquid into each one. Luna blinked, and lowered her nose to sniff the glass. She made a face.
“There seems to be a great deal of ethanol in this beverage,” she observed. The colts threw it back. “I don’t think it’s safe to ingest.”
“Heheh... Lighten up, Sugar Cube,” said one of the colts. “You get used to it!”
“Yes, used to it real fast,” the other colt said. Luna blinked curiously, then shrugged.
“Very well...” She turned it up and gulped it down... She then spat it back out in a plume of fire.
“EEUGH! Yech! My tongue is burning!” She groaned. The colts stared. One laughed.
“Oh, don’t worry about it babe. There’s lots of things you can do with your tongue.”
He smacked her bottom with his tail. Luna’s eyes widened, and then narrowed.
- - - - - - -
“Sundance, you’re really freaking out, what’s wrong?” Hoyden asked. “You’re acting as though she’s a-”
KABOOM!
Sundance’s eyes widened. She galloped off and around the restaurant to the adjacent street. A bar that stayed open and dive-like despite the development around it was now on fire. Numerous ponies were out and looking and the fire department bells were already ringing. Sundance shook her head and ran through the stampede of ponies out of the bar.
“SUNDANCE! SUNDANCE!” Hoyden yelled as he ran after her. After pushing through numerous other ponies, he finally made it into the bar proper. He came to a stop next to Sundance, and after seeing if she was okay, he looked at the bar itself.
“... A walking bomb,” he mumbled as he stared at the two colts cowering in a ball before Selene--Or rather, Princess Luna. Her wings were spread, her horn was sparking with energy, and her eyes were glowing pure white. Behind her, shelves of liquor were on fire and said fire was shooting straight up and all around and above the Princess.
“No pony who had any sense of manners would act in such a disgraceful fashion you... You... RUFFIANS!” Luna snarled, her voice booming in a place deep inside Sundance that reacted in the same way it did to thunder. The twin colts whimpered. Hoyden coughed.
“Yes, that’s Castor and Pollux all right,” he muttered to Sundance.
“You’re taking my roommate being the moon goddess very well,” Sundance said.
“I might freak out later alone, or put the energy into other uses, I think I’m in shock right now,” Hoyden said.
“Good...” Sundance trotted forward, very, very slowly placing herself in between the colts and the angry Luna. “Ah... Your Majesty... Miss Luna? It’s me, Sundance.”
“Hello Sundance. I know who you are,” Luna boomed. “I’m very sorry I went off, these... These...!”
“Yes, them, they took you to this bar, right? What did they do?” Sundance asked with far more calm than she felt.
“... It’s embarassing,” Luna stated, making the glasses on the tables that weren’t overturn break. Sundance smiled and trotted up closer to the moon goddess.
“It’s okay... Just tell me...”
“Well, they... They bought me a very unpleasant drink and then they-!”
“Uh... First, can you... Bring it down a little?” Sundance asked. Luna blinked, and abruptly the light show faded. She was back to her normal alicorn self with an embarrassed flush.
“Sorry... Yes, well, they... One smacked me on the... the rump,” she whispered.
“Right... Well... I’d say they’ve learned their lesson, haven’t you colts?” Sundance asked the two terrified twins. They nodded vigorously.
“And neither of you will be saying anything about this, right? Just that the bar caught on fire?” Hoyden asked. They nodded. One twin squeaked when Luna looked at him.
“Good... Uh, Princess? Your disguise,” Sundance said. Luna’s horn glowed, and a moment later she was back to being Selene. “Good... Now, let’s get out of the way so that the nice fireponies can put this out, shall we?”
They left the bar, just as several bright red fire engines were pulled to the scene. Hoyden followed at a short distance, just trying to look casual as they doubled back and started on the way towards the palace.
“I’m very sorry,” Luna said. “I didn’t mean to... To...”
“Freak out?” Hoyden asked. Sundance glared at him. He coughed. “I’m trying to help!”
“Yes, well... I did um... ‘Freak out’,” Luna said. Her ears drooped. “We’re also late...”
“It’s all right Your Majesty,” Sundance said.
“I suppose you don’t want to have me as your flatmate any more?” Luna asked miserably. Sundance laughed.
“As long as I don’t hit you on the rump, I think I’ll be fine. Right?”
“Ah... Right...” Luna said with a smile. Sundance smiled back. Hoyden trotted up next to Luna and Sundance and shot a bright grin at his marefriend. She returned it gratefully.
“Well... Um... If you’ll excuse me,” Hoyden said. He trotted off to behind a grove of trees. Luna and Sundance watched.
“Where is he going?” Luna asked. Sundance sighed.
“He prefers to do his freakouts in private.”
“Ah... So he is a true gentlecolt,” Luna nodded. Sundance chuckled.
“Oh yes... Yes he is.”
- - - - - - -
“Okay... Okay...” Hoyden sighed and closed his eyes tightly. “Phew... Okay... Most important thing. Never, ever, ever suggest a threesome. No matter how hot it might be. Okay? Okay.” He nodded and smiled. “Okay.”
- - - - - -
“So, ready for work tonight?” Sundance asked. Luna nodded and looked back at her saddlebags.
“Yes, I should have it all... Right here...” She turned one saddlebag upside down and dumped it’s contents all over the ground. She did the same to the other, and frantically searched through the small piles. Sundance blinked.
“Ah, Your Majesty? What is it?”
Luna looked up at her, lip trembling. “My... My abacus... Where is it?”
Sundance felt a headache coming on. Oh crap...
- - - - - - -
To be concluded in Part 3.
“Progress: Luna versus” however will continue after Part 3.
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I love this fanfic! You deserve more!
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOL'D SO HARD XD XD XD
MUST READ MOAR!!!
Pinkamena approves of these freakouts
“Okay... Okay...” Hoyden sighed and closed his eyes tightly. “Phew... Okay... Most important thing. Never, ever, ever suggest a threesome. No matter how hot it might be. Okay? Okay.” He nodded and smiled. “Okay.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO I almost threw up laughing after that, now my stomach hurts.
10 out of 10 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
hoyden is truly a rare breed.
I was kind of expecting the explosion to be a bit more, well, more.
Great, now the bars going to go away." Then after he smacked her with his tail I was 
Great story! As soon as the they got her the drink I was thinking "
... XD Just as funny as the first time I read it! xD
Did anyone else catch the hunger games reference? Castor and Pollux were twins from the third book.
Sundance and Luna go to White Castle. Next up: Castor and Pollux escape from Guantanamoon Bay.
Well. I was quite verbal with my 'ooooohs'.
Royal Canterlot Voice. Retrospect makes reading this doubly hilarious.
2882098
i srsly almost lol'di can imagine princess luna doing that and rracting that way
1606706
Castor and Pollux are the names of the Gemini twins. Constellations in the sky, one of the signs of the sidereal zodiac falling in late June and early July. Their names date back to ancient Greece.
Yes I realize I'm years late but this is one of those twitchy egghead must correct the ignorance of the universe things. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!
Also this fic is hilarious. Moving on.
5585829
Nothing to judge. If anything, I think that's kinda awesome.
Technically, equines can handle alcohol very well. Unless that was literal everclear I doubt it would have been of any particular risk.
9873812
Well, from what I heard you still have to watch them. Pony usually get drunk on fermented apples because they tend to gorge themselves. They do not know when to stop. The problem is that a drunk pony can hurt themselves or other and I fear to imagine what damage a drunk princess could do.
Luna is best princess.
Awkward Luna is cutest Luna