Luna versus Lodging 1
Progress:
Luna versus Lodging
Part 1
Andrew J. Talon
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Hmmm... To launch the required payload... Three ponies, air, food and water for twelve days would require... Luna’s abacus clicked loudly in the silence of the mid-day library. She scribbled down her calculations rapidly onto the journal she was writing in.
Specific impulse... Fuel recommendations are good but could be better, otherwise this rocket will be as large as a skyscraper... We could do it that way but given the funding... Luna tapped the side of her cheek in a frown.
Well we have that proposal but I don’t see how we could convince the tax payers we require a moonshot... Oh, why couldn’t any of the other nations be working towards space to give us some competition? She tapped her chin.
Well, kind of hard to manage competition when you’ve got two goddesses to work against but still... They could at least try.
She scribbled a few more possibilities down. Luna then became aware of breathing very, very close to her ear. Slowly, she looked to her side.
“Sister...”
“Sister,” Celestia returned, smiling. Luna looked away for a few moments, closed her eyes, reopened them and looked back. Celestia was still there, almost uncomfortably close. Luna looked back at the stacks of books in front of her.
“Can I... Do something for you?” Luna asked, sounding resigned.
“You’re already doing much for me, Luna,” Celestia said with a wry smile. “Thanks to your hard work, I can have a few nights off a week.”
Luna nodded. “Well... It’s only fair that you get to take breaks given now I’m back and can handle the moon.”
“Yes, it is. However, there is something very unfair going on,” Celestia said. Luna blinked.
“What? What is going on?”
“When I give you days off, what do you do with them?” Celestia asked patiently. Luna looked up at the ceiling innocently.
“I go have fun.”
“You do work,” Celestia said. Luna scowled.
“Work is fun.”
“No, work is work,” Celestia said. “I don’t mind you reading or researching for fun, but this is work.” She tapped Luna’s stack of papers, nearly knocking them over. Luna grabbed them between her hooves and carefully reorganized them into a neat stack with a scowl at her older sister.
“It-It’s fun!” Luna said.
“Luna, you’re doing accounting for the space program,” Celestia said patiently. “Before that you completely reorganized the irrigation system for an entire province, established a whole new system of emergency response and management for the entire kingdom, and made sense of the tax code.” Celestia shook her head in some disbelief at that last one. Luna huffed.
“The Parasprite problem requires better organization and communication between civil services, I know the moon better than anyone alive, and the tax code wasn’t that big a mess. I just needed to streamline the whole process a little,” Luna said defensively.
“All of which is great work, but it isn’t fun,” Celestia insisted. “It requires you to be alone... Didn’t I promise that you’d never be alone again?” The Sun Goddess frowned. Luna looked down at her hooves.
“I just... I want to be useful,” she said quietly. “I have a lot to make up for.”
“No, Nightmare Moon had a lot to make up for, and she did. She’s gone,” Celestia said firmly. “As far as I’m concerned, Princess Luna did nothing wrong.”
Luna winced. Celestia sighed. She nuzzled Luna’s head.
“It’s been weeks since you went out with the Apples... I’m just a little concerned.”
“The Apples have a lot of work to do, I can’t impose upon them,” Luna said. She shuffled her papers neatly and smiled. “I can’t imagine how rough it must be for them.” She scowled at her sister. “Which is why I must do as much work to make things easier for them when it comes to bureaucracy and policy, as well as every other Earth pony!”
“Hmmm... “ Celestia smiled. Luna looked over at her.
“Sister... Why are you smiling?” The Moon Princess asked suspiciously.
“Luna, I have a task for you,” Celestia said. Luna’s eyes narrowed.
“What sort of task?”
“You’re quite right, it is difficult for us to understand the problems of the Earth ponies,” Celestia said. “We are so concerned with the running of things, we don’t stop to appreciate the things themselves. The cogs in the machine, if you will. I think that the two of us should try to live like normal ponies for a while, at least part-time.”
“Oh no,” Luna groaned. “You can’t be serious!”
“This is a very important task, Luna,” Celestia said solemnly. “It will keep us from becoming too disconnected from our subjects, like so many rulers before.”
“But-But I have no frame of reference for how to be... Normal!” Luna said.
“Why don’t you ask Sundance for help? She’s an Earth Pony, and she lives outside the palace,” Celestia suggested. Her eyes sparkled. “In fact, I think she posted an ad for a roommate very recently.”
“I-I couldn’t impose-”
“We can pay her extra, on top of the rent,” Celestia said. She winked. “And to avoid embarrassing her or ourselves, we can pose as normal ponies.”
“Oh... Ergh...” Luna sighed. “Fine...” She clutched her abacus. “But I get to take Abacus with me!”
“You’re calling it by name now?” Celestia asked with raised brows. Luna flushed.
“... Yes! So?”
“Nothing~,” Celestia said in a sing-song voice. She winked as she trotted off. “I’m just wondering if I should tell Big Mac he has competition.”
“HEY!”
- - - - - - - - -
Sundance was relaxing on her couch in her flat, stretched out luxuriously. She had been taking quite a lot of work on in order to keep up, especially with the Grand Galloping Gala coming up in a matter of months. She sighed as she looked up at the ceiling.
“Oh... I’d love to go,” she said. She smiled as she imagined all of the dancing, the food, the high class... And now introducing Princess Sundance, the queen of the day... Except a princess so... Princess of the Day! With her hunky escort...
She would ask Princess Luna if she could get her tickets, but she didn’t want to look like she was taking advantage of their relationship for her own benefit. Princess Luna had been so kind already--Other aristocrats would have (and had) fired her for less. Besides, Princess Luna worked long hours and was very serious outside of the microwave incident. She didn’t think galas were her thing.
DING DONG.
“Hm? I wonder who that could be,” Sundance murmured. She got up and trotted through the house to the front door, and opened it. She blinked a few times.
“Um... Hello,” said Princess Luna, standing there with a pair of glasses perched on her nose and a frilly bow around her neck. Her wings and horn had vanished, but there was really no doubt it was her. “I’m Selene. I’m here about the room.” She pulled out a bag of bits from a pair of saddlebags she wore, and hoofed it over to Sundance. “Here, have some rent!”
“Uh...” Sundance looked into the bag. Her eyes bugged out as about a thousand golden bits shined out of it. She looked back at Princess Luna, who was also peering into the bag.
“That’s quite a lot isn’t it... Isn’t it? I’m not entirely sure... I’m Selene by the way, a perfectly normal Earth Pony. With glasses, because normal ponies wear glasses,” Luna said quickly.
“Uh...” Sundance’s lips twitched. She didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry out, but she figured it would be better to do it inside.
“I’m here about the room. I want to be your roommate,” Luna said. “I know the ad asked for a ‘young professional’, which I am... Sort of... I am very professional, I don’t know about the young part. But I assure you I am absolutely wonderful as a roommate. Which I want to be. Yours I mean.” Luna smiled brightly.
“... Okay... Why don’t we go inside and discuss this, Selene,” Sundance said, backing out of the way. Luna smiled.
“Thank you!” She trotted inside and looked around. “Oh, this is very nice...”
“Well, um, thank you... Princess Luna,” Sundance said after closing the door. Luna turned and looked back over her shoulder innocently.
“Princess Luna? You must have me confused for some other pony.”
Sundance stared. Luna stared back. Luna sighed and removed the glasses.
“Not that convincing, huh?”
“Well, maybe to somepony who’d never met you before, Your Majesty,” Sundance pointed out. “Um, may I ask what you’re doing here?”
“My sister wants me to learn how normal Earth ponies live,” Luna said, curiously examining one of the knickknacks Sundance had lying around the house. She turned and smiled at Sundance. “And since you are a normal Earth pony, with a room opening up, I thought you would be perfect.”
“Well... Um...” Sundance tried. Luna frowned.
“If it’s an inconvenience, I can leave. You can keep the rent.”
“What? Oh, no! Nonono, it’s no inconvenience at all,” Sundance said rapidly, waving her hooves and smiling. “I guess I just feel like this isn’t the proper kind of place for a Princess to stay.”
“Nonsense, it’s perfect. You’re an Earth pony, you live here,” Luna said. “And that’s the idea. To be perfectly normal.” She smiled brightly. Sundance smiled back.
“Well... There’s the cooking issue and-”
“Oh! Yes! Don’t worry, I know my way around a kitchen,” Luna said, trotting off. She looked around and spied it before trotting to it. Looking about, she spied the refrigerator and opened it, rummaging around. Sundance followed, looking nervous.
“No, no, I mean you don’t have to do that Your Majesty! I mean, I can cook-”
“Nonsense, I am here to learn what it is like to be an Earth pony, so therefore I will act like an Earth pony,” Luna said as she started up the oven. She smiled brightly and winked. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay away from the microwave.”
Sundance nodded and chuckled a bit. She sat down and kept an eye on Luna as she worked. Fortunately, nothing blew up or burst into flames. Soon enough, they were sharing a dish of eggs, vegetables, and rice. It was an unusual mix of foods, but quite palatable and Sundance sighed with a smile as she laid on her couch.
“That was great, your majesty! Where did you learn that?”
“Studying cookbooks... And some practice,” the princess said modestly. “I didn’t set anything on fire this time.”
“Nope!”
“So... Can I stay?” Luna asked. Sundance nodded and smiled.
“Sure! Not a problem.” Sundance got up and procured some keys. “Here you go... Front door key, back door key, and your room key.”
“My room? Oh! Right! My room, I forgot all about that,” Luna said. “Where is it?”
“Right this way,” Sundance said. She trotted over to the hallway and up the stairs. She unlocked the door at the top, and opened it. Luna trotted in and smiled.
“I’m sorry if it’s not very roomy,” Sundance said, but Luna shook her head.
“No, no, it’s perfectly... Perfect,” she said.
“Good... When will your things get here?” Sundance asked. “Or is that all you have?”
“I’ll bring the rest when I’m done with my work tonight,” Luna said. She turned and smiled cheerfully. “Thank you very much.”
“Oh, um, you’re welcome,” Sundance said brightly. Luna went into her room and shut it behind her. Sundance went downstairs to her room to grab a nap before her shift began.
All in all, as she thought about it, this wasn’t that bad a thing. Princess Luna was very neat, very clean, and very organized. She wasn’t likely to have coltfriends in at all hours of the night. And she had given her a very generous amount of money to stay.
Really... What was the worst that could happen?
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IT'S HERE NOW?!
JOYOUS DAY!
That will be all.
Yes! This is the fic that basically characterized Luna months before she was actually characterized. Automatic five stars.
'Progress' updated? I think I must be living in some weird, alternate dimension.
183176
Dude, there's almost 30 chapters. They're just on fanfiction.net instead of here.
183262
I know; I just never expected it to updated again here.
never say "whats the worst that can happen" ... ever... EVER...if you value your life.....ever... o.o
Surely I can't be the only one that spots the Doctor Who reference?
I spotted the reference too - season 5 episode 10 - The Lodger
What's the worst that could happen? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
YES!!! YOU HAVE AN AWESOME STORY! AND THIS IS MY FIRST COMMENT WHERE YOU CAN SEE MY ACTUAL PONY ME.
249066 said it once at a pickle factory...poor guy...
Was that last line a case of unhidden foreshadowing?
All work and no play makes luna a very dull mare.
Lodging wins THIS round... (Don't ask whai, cause I dun know.)
And Sundance utters those fateful words...
She can be forgiven, she has yet to learn not to tempt fate, after all.
Eggs, vegetables and rice are an odd combination? What, do they not have donburi in Equestria?
Eggs, vegetables and rice are an odd combination? What, do they not have donburi in Equestria?
A bag of bits? “That’s quite a lot isn’t it... Isn’t it? I’m not entirely sure..."?
I just watched that episode yesterday!
So I just started reading this story. Which is amazing since I've read a few other of your stories and I never did bother to look at this one. Anyway before I head out for work I just wanted to say. I love it and your DW references. Which honestly in my opinion Luna and The Doctor are so alike.
I really would have never noticed the Doctor Who reference in this untill ImortalScientest pointed it out! Great chap and mad thumbs!
. . . Ohh lord, another mortal tempts Murphy in his high seat in the sky. This won't end well. . .
.
.
.
NEVER SAY THAT!
"What was the worst that could happen?" <---- Famous last words.
What's the worst that could happen?
lots of things Sundance or else this wouldn't be so funny
i dunno how cool ponies are with this sort of thing, but if it were me, and my boss asked to live with me, id be pretty creeped out, even if i WAS looking for a roommate. coupled with the fact that my boss was only doing it so he could learn how his underlings went about day to day life, id be creeped out, insulted, and quite terrified. props to sun-whatever-her-name-is. she must be bursting at the seams of her sanity.
Sundance. Silly filly. MANY THINGS COULD GO WRONG! HAHA!
2567438 Sundance isn't real...
294828 Now that you say it...
294828
I have the benefit of retrospect and reading this again, but yeah, I definitely recognized the Doctor Who reference.
What's the worst that could happen. You're screwed, it's official, one would think, they'd be Genre Savvy enough not to say that, but I suppose they never learn. Oh well, makes for ghood comedy.
I don't care who said it, all I can hear it in is Tharakazod's voice.
"I am a normal pony!"
903163
Probably more like fried rice; donburi generally contains meat, and proper fried rice has scrambled egg in it.
Princesses are not deities, but otherwise...
Pretty decent so far, I'm interested.
4783321
Let's...not get into that, shall we? Whether Celestia and Luna are literal deities or not are often debated topics.
Cover your heads everypony!
Oh girl, you are just begging for trouble now
1586822
Never tempt Murphy!
*cough*The Lodger*cough*
1586822
Well of course it won't end well especially with the pink logic breaking pony in ponyville being able to avoid Murphy he has to get his kicks in somehow that doesn't involve ending up with a cream pie to the face
9484664
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/017/204/CaptainAmerica1_zps8c295f96.JPG
Luna: "O no! The Moon is falling towards Equus!"
Sundance: "What?"
Luna: "O no! The Moon is falling towards Canterlot!"
Sundance: "What?"
Luna: "O no! The Moon is falling towards you'r House specifically!"
Sundance: "Whaaat?"
Luna: "O no! The Moon is falling towards you'r bedroom!"
Sundance: "WHAAAT wwwhhhyyy?!"
Luna: "O no! The Moon is falling towards you!"
Sundance: "Why me?"
Luna: "Impossible to say, but if i snuggel you below me i shall stand between you and the Moon!"
Sundance: "Do you want cuddels Luna?"
Luna: "N...N---ooooo..."
Sundance: "Fine, get you'r snuggels" *open forlegs*
Luna:
Sundance: "Please stop the Moon from falling from the Sky"
Luna: "...What?"
*Moon makes impact*