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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*Looks at the Title* That's Right Yang, You're Not Alone.
That was a Nice Interaction with Another Displaced, Haven't Read That Story Yet.
What Does Twilight have plan for Yang?
7634170 Somehow, I get the feeling that it'll go along smoothly at first, until something unexpecting happens.
Wait til Yang finds the medal of a certain monkey
No offense, but that joke felt so obvious and forced I nearly cringed.
Just saying.
7634255 Probably.
Who will appear next?
Now I need to read this "displaced" story.
7634298 I wonder how Sun's Yang will react to meeting this Yang.
7655041 Spoilers! I haven't gotten that far yet! *NO! BUTTON*
7655186 That was just a shot in the Dark.
7655201 I figured. I just like being overdramatic for fun from time to time.
7655291 ok
7655041 That depends...
7655849 True. Also there is one other Yang out there. So there is three Yangs right now.
7661405 Such a fight with that song will come. I have it planned out.
7663107 Yay! I look forward to a song that fits Yang's theme. I don't normally even go for written works set to a piece of music, but this is one where I just had too.
7667434 My plan is to italicize and maybe even color and resize the lyrics between short paragraphs. I just have to study the formatting marks. After that, I have some other songs planned, and not all of them are in english.
7668034 Putting lyrics in the writing just looks odd to me, unless it's transcribing the song that is happening, like if the chapter takes place during Winter Wrap Up.
7668511 I will admit, I didn't read your whole comment. However, the simple fact that you're explaining why you downvoted is appreciated.
I do try my best, at least. Thinking about it, 'mechanical' might be a good way to describe my writing style.
If I may ask, what, if anything, do you like of what you read? Aside from the spectacular grammar and punctuation. Would you believe I have no proofreaders or editors?
7668613
Yeah, I don't have editors or proofreaders either, I feel they'd slow down the process too much. Plus with my erratic writting habits I suspect I'd have trouble keeping them. I believe that if you honestly just pay attention and at least half-way know what you're doing you can usually get away with it. I have so far
While I can say there wasn't much that stands out that I particularly liked but at the same time there also wasn't too much beyond what I've said that I particularly Disliked either. Even then I didn't hate it or anything; Everything just... didn't make much impact on me. There was a lot of telling over showing, which I honestly still struggle with too sometimes. I did read it through chapter 6 to give it a fair chance though so it's not like it was excruciating or anything lol
It's entirely possible that this kind of story or your kind of writing just isn't for me. I mean you do have a hundred and twenty something likes so you know at least that many people like it. If you wanna take my criticisms to try and broaden your writing's appeal then great! If you decide one reader's dissatisfaction isn't enough to reevaluate then that's cool too. Like I said I didn't mean to discourage or insult, or suggest you weren't trying. I just wanted to say my peace
Great chapter i loved it!
Did you know?
1) You can brush your teeth with baking soda
2) Barnyard Bargains probably has several different flavors of toothpaste. Experiment until you find one that you like
Welp story was already pretty bad with these off the wall character traits but add in random unnecessary crossovers and that's it I'm out. Gl on the rest of your story
10107955
They aren't random or unnecessary; Displaced stories are all interconnected via their tokens, and the multiverse.
I can't really argue on your other concerns though.
I never liked the tokens, they always feel contrived and unnecessary, I just wish I could find a good displaced story that does away with the tokens. I've tried writing and I can not seem to get more than 200 words down before I start drawing blanks and getting anxious.
10733047 If it helps, I had originally planned and wrote I Burn without tokens in mind. I did not want to have the token as a barrier to the rest of the story.
As for writing, I have some tips that may help you.
Yeah I can see her doing that
honestly I have a theory that she is Discord like daughter or something like he pulled a Zeus