It might've been more effective if you had stuck more rigidly to Twi and Shining's POV last chapter and the sisters' POV in this chapter. It would at least make the middle of this chapter feel like less of a retread.
I was hoping for a chapter from Celestia's and Luna's point of view. It was just as sexy as I imagined it. However, as others have pointed out, it was quite repetitive. Perhaps you could have edited this down a bit, as there were plenty of things from the last chapter that didn't really need repeating, which you could have left out. For example, when Luna and Celestia showed up, you didn't need to repeat each and every other word verbatim. Instead, you could have repeated just enough for the reader to know what's happening, which in turn would have shifted the focus to the things that weren't in the last chapter. As for the dinner scene, it might have worked better as a flashback or something. That way, you could have had an excuse to gloss over the conversation and focused on the hotness.
"Now Luna," Celestia chided with a wink, "You know how busy is can be for a Princess. I'm sure they are trying just as often as they can."
I think you meant "it".
"Mmm, that's good Luna," Celestia said, trying to keep her tone even. "Good advice," she amended. "Certainly there are thing that you want to take care of personally, no?"
IDK if this error was in the previous chapter, but I think you meant "things" (or "Certainly there is a thing that you [...]").
"A thousand years of chastity is a long time. We have much to make up for," Luna purred. She levitated a double ended dildo out from her bag by the bed and played with one end against her wet pussy.
You put an extra line between "bag" and "by"
But what was evident was just how in-sync they really were.
Dirty pop, baby, baby you can't stop. I know you like this dirty pop. This must be...
It might've been more effective if you had stuck more rigidly to Twi and Shining's POV last chapter and the sisters' POV in this chapter. It would at least make the middle of this chapter feel like less of a retread.
8177850 True.
*shrugs*
Ugh. Dammit Cartman.
I'm pretty sure you can just eliminate the fourth chapter at this point...
Well it was good to see more of this story again, I always love Shining Sparkle incest. Can't wait to see what will come next.
8178939 The forth and fifth chapter are meant to be from two different perspectives. But I realize there is a lot of retread.
hum I wonder just how fare this will spread.
the new law that is.
Hey, I actually grew up for a time on a Prince St.!
And can I just say this:
was just an awesome line!
Also
That's what magic is for!
*let's
*were
There are 2 spaces between 'had' and 'been'
*its
her her
This is missing 'have', or 'invited' should be 'invite'
8522360 Fixed
I was hoping for a chapter from Celestia's and Luna's point of view. It was just as sexy as I imagined it. However, as others have pointed out, it was quite repetitive. Perhaps you could have edited this down a bit, as there were plenty of things from the last chapter that didn't really need repeating, which you could have left out. For example, when Luna and Celestia showed up, you didn't need to repeat each and every other word verbatim. Instead, you could have repeated just enough for the reader to know what's happening, which in turn would have shifted the focus to the things that weren't in the last chapter. As for the dinner scene, it might have worked better as a flashback or something. That way, you could have had an excuse to gloss over the conversation and focused on the hotness.
I think you meant "it".
IDK if this error was in the previous chapter, but I think you meant "things" (or "Certainly there is a thing that you [...]").
You put an extra line between "bag" and "by"
Dirty pop, baby, baby you can't stop. I know you like this dirty pop. This must be...
9464725 Fixed! Thanks.