11. Grand Theft Chocolate
Edited by DJ_Neon_Lights, Kudzuhaiku, and TuxOKC.
The night brought out the best in changelings, from the perspective of the sneak. Their natural body armor served to help them blend into the shadows. Their innate magic of bending light (for those who failed at disguises) made it easy for them to slip from one place to another unnoticed. The addition of flight and the human tendency to look at the ground when they walked made it easy for the pair to move through the night sky above the glare of the street lamps. Everything was so much easier once the night took control of the skies, allowing the changelings to fly unnoticed a few hundred feet in the air.
Wesley and TK421 moved like assassins. They were quick. They were determined. They had no idea what they were doing. The area was completely alien to them, the humans were alien to them, and dogs kept barking as they buzzed over neighborhoods. Barking dogs were the worst. They barked. Barking was annoying.
TK was silent. She and Wesley might have been clutchmates, but it did not mean they liked each other. Oddly enough, they worked well together. Wesley had the sharpest eyes in a generation and TK could hear a feather fall to the ground.
They had spent the better part of the afternoon finding a hiding spot and waiting until nightfall. In the meantime, they bickered with each other. They argued silently about anything and everything, from human politics to the merits of spam. How they came to know these things is one of those oddball mysteries that will be revealed later in the story. Honestly, we’ve broken the Fourth Wall so many times, I’m pretty sure people are throwing things at their monitor screens by now. Why hide it?
Once the sun went down, the air cooled. It was surreal for the changelings to watch the lights of the city they could clearly see from the air. Even Canterlot never blazed so brightly at night! It had been said Princess Celestia had declared a limit to the amount of light over her capitol so her sister’s work could be easily seen by their subjects.
Wesley and TK could not even agree if seeing so much light at night would make Princess Luna a sad panda. What was a sad panda? Were sad pandas dangerous or were they just mopey? Humans had odd sayings. Humans were confusing, more so than the ponies. Changelings knew ponies. They knew them very well, having spent centuries among them, hidden and unseen. Mother had worked hard to make sure her children could hide for a lifetime if need be and remain incognito.
In a world where the dominant and only sapient species was bipedal, territorial, and at times bipolar, Wesley and TK knew they were going to have to study humans in their natural environment in order to create a useful disguise. They could not don the look of any other animal. Talking animals would probably result in reactions more or less along the lines of Frank’s introduction. Or they could scream and run away. The last and least desired effect was invoking human fear to the point where they might lash out with violence. Humans were creatures of habit and were, for the most part, prone to fearing the unknown.
It had been explained to them in the cave by the portal keeper that humans were a mixed bag. As they sought for their new queen, the changelings were opened to some of the culture of humanity. The diversity was staggering. Humans comprised of hundreds of nations filling the entirety of their world and utterly dominating it.
Humans were terrifying. They came in all sizes. Big ones, fat ones, skinny ones, weird ones… humans were certainly not the same. The average human had a lot more body mass than the average changeling. It was going to be difficult to imitate one, if at all. At best a changeling could fit into the frame of a large dog. Ponies were the preferred template.
Their eyes mapped the area. Their queen lived in a cul-de-sac on the edge of a farmer’s field. The field lay on the other side of the creek and the trees separated the houses from the land. The soil was untilled, but huge human driven machines could be seen pulling wide carts over the bare earth while the changelings had waited for nightfall. The black wheels alone were huge, some as tall as two average humans standing on top of each other.
The town itself did not seem large, but did sprawl. The main roads were long and straight. The changelings could see vehicles called cars moving on them. Humans drove them. There were all sorts of variety, from shapes to colors. Some of the vehicles looked well maintained while a few looked as though they might fall apart at any moment. Lamps in the front of the strange carriages lit the roads once the sun had gone to bed, allowing the humans to see where they were going.
There were lights at intersections following certain patterns. Green, yellow, and red. The humans in their vehicles mostly paid attention to them. The changelings assumed there were rules being followed. They moved on, memorizing everything they saw. An easy to maintain memorization spell allowed for a complete recollection of what they had seen for later scrutiny.
Throughout it all, both siblings resisted the urge to fly into the lights. Lights at night attracted them. It was one thing Mother could never breed out of her children; the fascination with lights. There was just something so mesmerising about them! Any of the lesser minded changelings would probably have spent the entire night flying into the light, but Wesley and TK knew better!
There was a loud metallic bang. The light flickered, then went out with a fizzling sound. For a moment, the changeling went stiff as electricity rolled through his body in shocking waves. For a few seconds, his body went stiff, his muscles spasmed. His body flashed. Then, everything went dark, leaving behind the smell of ozone and a singed changeling.
“Ow!” Wesley whimpered, rubbing his sore, smoking horn. He shook his head, hissing in pain.
The mute changeling rolled her eyes and gave her brother a disappointed glare. TK chided through low chirps and whistles as she landed on top of the lightpost. Insects buzzed around her in confusion, having lost their God of Light. She motioned for Wesley to get above the light’s casting.
Telekinetic magic shimmered, engulfing her horn in fluorescent changeling green and pointedly grasping her brother’s horn. With a yank and a yelp from her brother, she pulled him up and out of the light, clucking her tongue and shaking her head.
TK scanned the immediate area, searching for any humans who might have been drawn to the sound of the light sparking and exploding. She hissed, releasing Wesley from her hold. The female changeling then trilled softly.
He glared at her, indignant. “I’m fine.” His right eye twitched and there was a nervous tick in the corner of his mouth. Every now and then, a muscle would spasm. “Really.” Wesley tried to smile, his wings cutting in and out on him. It was an awkward smile.
TK had to use her magic to keep him airborne. He was still her brother. Family bonds were very strong among changelings, even if discovering their individuality had them at odds. Concern creased her chitinous features. She scanned the area, making sure no humans had noticed. So far, the street seemed to be deserted. It was too foolhardy to assume that would be true for very long. Wesley was the only changeling who could understand her vocalizations. Not being able to speak like other changelings had greatly restricted the opportunities available. Mother had employed her as a scout and messenger.
The two changelings made their way to a nearby cottonwood tree. They found a high and thick branch and lighted upon it. Wesley was still smoking. He coughed and more smoke came out of this throat.
“That was embarrassing,” he muttered.
TK agreed, nodding rapidly before letting out a derisive snort. Her glare was withering. The changeling kept her hisses of displeasure to a low, harsh rush of air.
“I’m sorry!” Wesley hunched down on the branch, wrapping his legs around the bough. His chin came to rest on top of it. “I don’t know what happened.”
She blinked, leaning in to sniff at his smoking carapace. Her nose crinkled and the female winced. She turned away and fanned her nostrils with a hoof.
He turned his head slightly to glare at her. Only one eye could find her as she was behind him. The branch was a wonderful branch. It kept him from falling off. “No kidding!” Wesley spat at his sister. “I said I was sorry!”
Shrugging with indifference at his apology, TK took a moment to assess the neighborhood. It appeared to be a mix of homes and shops. The buildings seemed old and for the most part well maintained. Most of the homes were two stories high, with sharply angled wedge rooftops. Some had chimneys and a lot of them had odd grey dishes mounted. The female noted they were all pointed to the south and to the sky. What was the significance?
“What’s the plan?” Wesley asked once he felt he had recovered from being shocked. Changelings were very resilient.
His sister gave him a deadpan stare. An ear flicked in indignation.
“Get a map?”
She inclined her head and motioned Wesley to continue with a hoof.
“Look for possible threats?”
Again, she nodded, adding a sarcastic smile for good measure. The hoof was moving with more urgency now.
“Assess the area?”
TK gave a slow clap with her hooves as her brother sat up. She then pointed at her mouth, opening it and pantomiming eating. Rubbing her stomach, she stopped and spread her hooves out and wagged them. Her head darted from side to side as if searching. The act ended with a whimper, which turned into a smile a starving wolf would have appreciated. Her horn flashed little dull flares in rapid succession.
“You mean I have to use my taste buds? Not to mention the extra weight after eating something!” Wesley opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. “Yuck! You know we can’t convert solid foods into love! We’ll run out of mana! We can’t do magic without love!”
She sucked in her stomach and held it there. TK was on her hooves. She scanned in the direction where she thought she had smelled food earlier. As she did so, she checked the hive link for any messages. It was silent, save for the usual back chatter of siblings pinging each other. She bounced her ping from her siblings back at the hive to Wesley, her eyes flinty and unwavering.
Wesley frowned. He hated eating. It meant moving his jaw to chew his food. It meant swallowing what he chewed. It meant having what he chewed and swallowed fermenting in his stomach. His small intestines would come into play. Then the large intestines. And then… and then…
Some things were too terrible to think of. Poor Gordon. That stupid sot claimed to enjoy eating food! He loved eating what he cooked. A good chef, he had once tried to explain to Wesley, always tasted his own food. If it was good enough for him, then it would be good enough for the likes of Princess Celestia. Wesley did not understand his brother and his love of solid food. Simple foods, sure, but why throw a whole bunch of unrelated ingredients together to make a whole new dish? The lone exception being sweets, of course. All changelings loved sweets. Especially chocolate. Love was often associated with the taste of chocolate. Did humans love sweets? They seemed to. From what Wesley had seen, there were plenty of humans who enjoyed eating. Perhaps they enjoyed sweet things to eat, too.
If there was one thing Wesley did not mind eating, it was chocolate.
“Where are we going to find a map?” he asked his sister. His ears swiveled to and fro. No humans had yet taken note of the broken light.
An exasperated look was all he got in response. TK flung a hoof towards the city, looking at him expectantly while tapping the side of her head with her other hoof.
“Do we even know the name of this town?” The male changeling craned his neck one way, then the other, blinking his eyes as if he hoped for a sign to reveal the name. There was a large tower he could just make out in the distance over the tops of the trees. It appeared to be some sort of water tower. He guessed it held tens of thousands of gallons. There was some faint lettering he could barely make out in the gloom of night with the town lights. A red light blinked in slow intervals from the very top of the tower.
TK hummed, tapping a hoof to her chin. She chirped and nudged her snoot in the direction of the water tower. The two changelings flew sideways, going around the tower until they could make out the name. It read:
Welcome to Springfield!
Wesley read the lettering, speaking it out loud. He thought for a moment. “Home of the Simpsons?”
TK tilted her head to one side, flopping one ear up and forward while the other one splayed down. She hung her jaw open just enough to mouth clearly, What?
“A fictitious family that became something of a cultural icon.”
His sister frowned, baring her fangs in irritation. She then huffed, arching an eyebrow and awaiting further explanation. Narrowed eyes and pursed lips begged a question.
“From the portal guardian.”
TK facehooved and shook her head in profound and exaggerated disappointment.
“How would you know?” Wesley flared his nostrils and inhaled. He could smell food. Though it was late, he could still catch a faint whiff of cooking. The changeling’s stomach rumbled. It had already altered in anticipation of the coming unpleasantries. Why do you betray me, body?
Testing his wings, Wesley found them to be functional. The shock had finally passed and his nerves felt more or less normal. There were a few numb spots along his body and he could not feel the bottom of his left rear hoof, but Wesley was more or less sound. “Let’s go find a map and some food,” he said.
His sister replied with a chirp and a nudge with her snout on his shoulder to lead on. She stayed close to him, her ears turning like raders. Her hearing was keen and unmatched by her brothers and sisters. TK may not have gotten along with Wesley, but she didn’t like to see him get hurt. An ear always went to him, to his chest, and she listened to his heartbeat. It seemed fine to her. Still, like any sister, she worried.
Using a starry sky as their background, the pair followed Wesley’s nose. There was less traffic to deal with now. The main roads were still busy compared to the rest of the town. The vehicles were parked outside of what appeared to be businesses. Taverns? Restaurants? Other types of late night business establishments? Curiosity plagued the changelings. One in particular had a large, glowing yellow and red shell over bold white lettering. Beneath it were a series of numbers. A large canopy was set over the majority of the lot and there were four odd looking boxes with hoses attached to them beneath it. Two were occupied by the vehicles humans drove.
A human exited his vehicle and walked towards the building on the other side of the large metal canopy. There were large windows emblazoned with what appeared to be advertisements. Inside could be seen glass doors with bottles behind them. In front of them were three rows of what appeared to be foodstuffs. Were they snacks?
The two changelings landed on top of the canopy and scurried on muffled hooves to the edge. It was a shadowed part and on the edge just over the building. Both looked at each other and peered over to get a better look. A startled pigeon blinked at them, bobbing its head as it waddled away from its roost.
TK narrowed her eyes and nudged her brother. She indicated the door and pinged what she saw into his head as a projection. He froze as he registered her unusual and urgent action.
Wesley squinted and stared at where TK had her attention. His eyes locked on and followed up with a single nod. “Yeah,” he whispered back. “Maps?”
Maps. His sister mouthed, then grinned.
The vehicle on the other end of the canopy squealed loudly, making a loud roaring noise from the elongated front before speeding off into the night. One of the humans came running out, swearing a colorful list of words, most of which the changelings were unfamiliar with. Swear words were known to changelings, but not known. Both learned something right then and there this particular human had a favorite word to swear with.
TK observed, unimpressed. She indicated this with a dismissive growl.
“Such a crude display of displeasure,” agreed Wesley. “Mother never resorted to curses and forbade us from using them.”
Cursing, the Queen had once proclaimed, was the bile spat forth by the uneducated and unthinking masses to make up for a lack of culture and poor parental upbringing.
As the human made the futile gesture of running after the machine on four wheels, TK darted forward on silent wings, lighting on the pavement in front of the door and swinging the glass door outward. As Wesley watched the human standing and staring off from the side of the road, TK spotted the other human who was oblivious as she perused the aisles. Reaching out and snatching one of the maps from the rack, the changeling gathered her legs beneath her and sprang into the air like a dart. Her wings blurred with stealthiness. The whole snatch and grab took less than ten seconds.
TK was grinning from ear to ear. The pair slid back into the shadows. The map was unfolded, revealing its secrets to the changelings.
After pouring over the lines and squiggles and numbers all over the heavily detailed map, Wesley assumed a helpless expression which had grown as he tried to make heads or tails of the unfolded mass of confusion before him.
“Can you read this map?” he asked his sister.
TK421 moued, staring down at the map, then back up at her brother. She rubbed the back of her head, suddenly finding the stubble of an incoming mane to be irresistible. Finally, she exhaled and shook her head in defeat.
“All right then,” Wesley sighed. He tried to fold the map. The next few minutes was an exercise in futility.
TK sat back and watched her brother, bemused. She could hear the human go into the store, talking to himself. Wesley had given up on folding the map now. It lay in a wadded heap. TK peered over her shoulder and frowned. Chittering in a barely audible tone, she turned and moved past her brother until she was upon the map. Picking it up with her magic, she smoothed it out and examined the folds in the paper. Then, she folded the map properly and tossed it at her brother’s hooves.
“I hate you sometimes,” he said as he picked up the neatly folded map. “Did you smell anything while you were in there? Food?”
TK nodded.
“Chocolate?”
Again, she nodded.
Determination became Wesley’s mask. “I’m going in.”
His sister hissed angrily at him.
“Well, we really can’t just sit here and starve because we don’t have money! This is survival, sister!” And he went over the side of the canopy and underneath it. His hooves clung to the painted metal, his form shimmering and blending in. He kept his body pressed as he assumed an ambush position.
TK followed, but stopped at the edge, both unhappy and worried. Her ears moved as if possessed by madness, her eyes wide and unblinking. Only the top of her head was visible. A human, the one who had ran after the vehicle earlier came outside with large plastic bags in his hands. He moved towards the trash cans in the center islands where the metal stands were.
Wesley saw his opportunity and moved. Darting down, he caught the door just before it closed and went inside. He checked on the human, who had not noticed him. Then, he began to sniff at the air. Sweets were in here! So was the other human. It was a girl, he decided. Caution overrode his hunger as he began to sneak across the floor. Focusing on the whereabouts of the human girl, Wesley peered around the corner of the middle aisle. The smell of chocolate was strong here!
Did he drool? Why, yes. Yes, he did drool.
Salivating at the mouth and cursing his stomach for betraying him, Wesley darted forward and stopped in front of rows of candy. They all had bright packaging. There were so many different names! But which one had the most chocolate? Wesley whimpered. At least they were in convenient boxes. Each box contained a number of individually wrapped sweets. He grabbed one box, then another, selecting indiscriminately. He had his fourth box when he realized he should have been paying closer attention.
“What are you?” a fearful, shrill voice demanded.
Wesley whipped his head to the sound of the voice, his hooves holding a nearly full box. He licked his lips as a tall human female had both her hands to her mouth and was backing towards the door. Setting down the box upon his pile of pilfered candies, Wesley made no other move than to keep his eyes wide and on the retreating human. One hoof slowly rose and reached for another box of chocolate. Wesley did not move an inch. His eyes stayed firmly on the human. All he wanted was one last box of chocolate. At least he hoped it was chocolate.
Slowly the box came out of its place and was then set neatly upon the other four boxes. He looked down at his goods, then up at the human. Wesley smiled, gathering up his loot.
The girl screamed, and Wesley took to the air, overcome by a sense of panic and shame at allowing himself to be seen.
“Sorrygottagobye!” Wesley blurted as he shot past her on wings driven by adrenaline and out the door.
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Run Wesley, run
...the first Korean character almost looks like a guy about to hurt his "twins"... his "peanut" M&M's.
There goes their cover... and possibly the changeling race as a whole...
*facewall* You freaking idiot....
wesley, you're such a bad
I just had an idea, the girl becoming Wesley's friend by giving him chocolate! Sure, she might just be trying to expose them and gets lots of muns or try to kill em, but maybe, just maybe, they can have a new friend?
7159510 Nah, the first couple of sightings can get written off as pranks. Sooner or later they'll run out of freebies though, and then the *cryptid hunters* will be after them.
Speaker : You Foals how could you allow yourselves to be seen ! were doomed the hive will be found out! they will take us away take cathrine away it will be the canterlot invasion times a thousand !
Wesley: Speaker have a snickers.
Speaker: WHY!
Weasley: because you're not yourself when you're hungry . (hands Speaker a candy bar )
Wesley; Better?
Speaker; NO!!
\
Wesley, I have one message for you.
7159510 Yeah but... chocolate!
grand theft chocolate is definitely a great name for this chapter
.
orig02.deviantart.net/3507/f/2012/365/c/a/clapping_pony_icon___changeling_by_taritoons-d5ps0kg.gif
Maybe she's into goth and creepy stuff? No? I didn't think so either... ok, time to use the memory flasher thingy and zap her in the face so she forgets Wesley was ever there. The video security system will be harder to deal with since the changelings have no idea it's there and hardly anyone ever checks it unless there was a... robbery, of gas.
Well, you're screwed Wesley.
I can see the Orkin man going, "Nope!" when faced with 'bugs' half as big as himself.
Snrk, I see they are maintaining their high level professionalism.
That fun moment when neither Wesley nor TK know about security cameras.
That ending was quite amusing though. Well, stealth failed. I imagined a big red exclamation mark above the woman/girl's head and the typical discovery sound that goes with it
I feel a potential romance was missed here.
...
I WILL NOT LEAVE THIS SITE UNTIL A FEMALE HUMAN AND CHANGELING ROMANCE STORY IS MADE!!!!!
I realized after searching a bit that there are not that many first contact Changeling stories on Fimfiction. Really. Just a handful. Not many atl all really. It is very odd that this one of the few I could find. Oh there are a few that kind of have it in passing in background but not like this. Despite the silliness of the Changelings of Ni. lol
Now you're taking the piss.
And can't wait for media to be all over this.
Alondro throws books at the monitor... and they go through! Cabbage gets whacked in the head by one entitled "The Idiots Guide to Building Nuclear Warheads: The Kim Jung Un Edition". Cabbage blinks and gleefully declares, "PHYSICS!!"
Everything blows up 3 days later...
Indeed, I hate mothra fudgers like that! Dang bestards are so full of shot.
I'm liking the visual image of a changeling encountering a bug zapper.
Cue a cop chase, and the title'll fit.