13. This is Why Changelings Can't Have Nice Things
Edited by DJ_Neon_Lights, Kudzuhaiku, and TuxOKC.
Two unnamed changelings were in a tree overlooking a large steepled building. There were the strange machines humans used in a large paved lot behind it. The pair watched as families came out of their vehicles and walked towards the building. It was tall and white, with rows of high and narrow stained glass windows along the long sides of the building. There was a large wooden double door at one end of the building. The steeple reached three stories into the air at the other. An older human male with gray hair and a warm smile greeted each and every human who came to the door. Organ music drifted out from within the building. It was gentle music and the humans all seemed happy.
There was something in the air. It was tranquil, yet both changelings felt as though something was being masked. It had been noticed by one of their sisters yesterday. There had been an encounter. It had been with an elderly human woman with a decidedly unpleasant demeanor. A warning had been sent out to the others. The pair scrutinized the gathering, sending out feelers as their horns glowed faintly. The light of the day hid their working magic. After some moments, they released their magic and found the taint to not be associated with these humans. There was something mysterious in the air. Possibly magic. It clung faintly in the air around the humans, barely noticeable.
How curious. They looked at each other and wordlessly nodded.
Both changelings still could not come to grips with choosing names for themselves. They were still tied firmly to the hive mind and Mother’s belief that names were unnecessary. It was fading every day and they grew more and more frightened of the prospect of not having it. Their hope lay with Catherine and the magic within her to make things right and as they should be. They were not the only ones to hope this.
The tree was still budding, as it was still spring. The changelings were camouflaged, keeping their bodies near the trunk as they sat in their respective branches. Both were as comfortable as they could manage. Their interest stemmed on the gathering of humans.
The old man wore a genuine smile. He was glad to meet each and every person he greeted. It was not a large group, less than a hundred, but the old human was glad. He shook hands and spoke words of greeting. The changelings perked their ears and could make out one word given out freely and with strength behind it.
Friend, he spoke often and with warmth.
A pair of human males standing close to each other greeted the elderly human. One had pale skin, like most of the other humans, while the other had a far darker complexion. There was something the changelings understood between the two. Both lit up their horns and opened their mouths as they salivated. The taste was no different. Love was love.
More and more of the humans followed the pair into the building. There was a lot of familial love within the group. Intrigued, the two changelings waited until they were sure to be unnoticed and darted from their hiding spot.
An illusion spell burst from each as they deflected notice from their bodies, their buzzing wings muted. One changeling hid their forms while the other masked the sounds of their wings. This was one of the reasons why changelings scouted in pairs. One covered the other and shared the burden of magic. As always, they pinged the hive mind with their movements, always keeping Speaker up to date with their location and what they were doing.
‘Human gathering. Less than a hundred. They seem to be gathering for some sort of religious observation. Investigating the purpose of the gathering and its significance.’ Their voices were shared in the hive mind, their link strong and sure.
They waited until the last of the straggling humans went inside, following close enough to an elderly woman escorted by a much younger male the changelings assumed to be of adolescent age. The door held open for just a moment longer before shutting quietly on oiled hinges. The boy scrunched his brows in a moment of passing confusion before shrugging his shoulders and going back to guiding the old woman along.
The interior of the building smelled of old age. There was history in this place. It was a quiet and peaceful place, where the lingering feelings within the walls filled the pair of changelings with a calm and serenity they had not felt in a very long time, if ever. Both shivered, wanting to be anxious, but finding that wanting. Sliding up the walls on silent hooves, they found a corner and nestled themselves in, mindful of their surroundings and watching the humans for any indication of discovery.
The humans greeted each other, the din of their voices quiet and respectful. There were smiles and handshakes, as well as hugs. The changelings fed with great care. The love in this building was strong and it was all too easy to feed passively. This became a potential place for future love gathering.
The organ music changed and the humans slowly moved to their seats. There were chairs facing each other. They sat down while the old man from before stepped up to a pulpit at the front of the room. The sanctuary was raised two steps above the congregation. The pulpit was set to one side and next to a communion table. The old man was going through some papers, pausing to address a little boy who tugged on his shirt. They appeared to be related.
Ruffling the boy’s hair, the human leaned down and told him something. The boy giggled and darted away, going to a human woman who was smiling up at the old man with mischief. She also appeared to be related.
An old woman was seen off in one corner of the room at the bottom of the sanctuary playing an instrument that made sounds an organ would make. There were interestingly no pipes, which flabbergasted the two changelings. Blinking as they tried to understand this odd occurrence, the pair found this confusing. This would have to be investigated later, but it was low priority.
Why were the humans gathering? Was this some sort of religious event? Did they worship alicorns in this world? What gods did they have? The concept of deities was not unknown to changelings. They were raised to believe their mother was one. Mother was the word for goddess on the lips of hatchlings.
The crowd settled in their seats, the music died away. Expectant eyes rose to the old man as he stepped down with a large leather bound book in his hand. He had it open, with a large bit of crimson ribbon lain between the open pages. The man spoke words. The group bowed their heads. Was this some sort of pious devotion of reverence to their god?
The changelings found the process both amusing and confusing. After the benediction, the congregation was asked to rise in song. The pair listened as a couple of songs were sung. When the songs were done, the people were asked to be seated. They obeyed silently. To the two changelings, this was order they had once witnessed when they had been back at the old hive, when Mother was still there. Old comforts gone pained their hearts. Some things were gone and would remain gone, no matter how much they wanted it.
Then, the old man began to speak, tapping the book in his palm. He spoke of another man, who had lived long ago. He was called the Good Samaritan. The story was once first given by another man, one the changelings noticed the humans regard with reverence. This information was funneled back to the hive mind, to immediately be shared with the others. As this happened, the pair of changelings became lost in the words given to the masses.
In the name of cultural curiosity, of course. There was also a feeling of nostalgia and a reminder of what Mother had once been. A case of the sads overwhelmed the sisters. They missed Mother. They hated what she had done, but they missed the security Mother had offered. Now everything was bared to the world and the changelings felt exposed and vulnerable.
They huddled in mute silence as the odd human ritual played out. The old man spoke for a while longer, then the group rose and sang a few songs. Then there was more speaking, followed by another prayer. Then the people intoned ‘Amen’ as one and began to file out of the room the same way they had entered.
A decision was made. This human was an important figure. The twins nodded to each other, remaining mute. There was no need to speak. Speaking was a waste of energy. The sisters had never spent a day apart and each knew what the other was thinking. After a span of an hour and a half, a mental ping was sent into the hive mind. It was a large and resonating ping. In it was a summary of what the sisters had witnessed. There was pause as the information was ingested. Then, Speaker bade them to continue before the swarm of questions assaulted the sisters.
They had to slam that mental door before the questions flooded their brains like a herd of caffeinated ferrets. The inquisitiveness of their fellow changelings had become more and more insane since the decision was made to find a new queen. The hive mind was supposed to be a place of collective calm and reasoning, not a confusing place where minds wandered about aimlessly and without direction. Alpha and Beta, as they identified themselves, found the current state of the hive mind to be unacceptable.
The old human was interesting. He was a beacon, a leader. The other humans looked up to him for guidance. Perhaps it was of a nature not unlike a mayor, like in Ponyville.
Ah, Ponyville…
Alpha and Beta still remembered the spa they had run for years, collecting love and secreting it back to the hive. They had been very successful at their task. After the failed invasion, they fell back to the hive as the hive mind fell to pieces. Mother had gone silent and the voices of the others had fallen into chaos. All of the collectors were recalled as the hive struggled to right itself.
Against their judgement, Speaker had been chosen and thus entitled to represent the small swarm of changelings who ended up under Catherine’s bed. The reasoning behind choosing such a young human child confused many of the changelings. There was nothing queenly about a six-year-old, even if the magic she held within her was promising.
Promises, after all, could be easily broken.
Catherine was clearly not Mother. Mother was dour, spiteful, and full of pride. Catherine was not. Mother hoarded love. Catherine loved everything. Mother commanded and expected obedience. Catherine was just happy to have something to hug. Mother was driven. Catherine was too young to even understand the concept of what it meant to have a drive.
Her parents, they could become obstacles. Alpha and Beta separated their minds from the hive and had considered Frank and Beatrice to be possible threats to gaining their new queen. Life without a queen was impossible. They thought of the man and the words he had spoke to the other humans. Life without a queen was like a life without knowing God.
It made sense to them.
The Queen was Mother. Mother was God. There was a great gap to be filled. Catherine had been chosen to fill it. All threats to her ascension as queen had to be dealt with.
There was more this human male could teach the twins. They made a decision together.
They watched him from a distance. He was bidding the other people farewell, shaking hands and smiling. He seemed to enjoy talking to the other humans. The man was kind and was the face of devotion to faith. Alpha and Beta saw something to be gained from watching this human. When the last human had departed in their modes of transportation, the twins moved back to the building, but lingered outside.
They had not thought this through.
Humans were not ponies. They were territorial. Ponies were not nearly as territorial. Humans had predatory traits which made them worthy of respect from changelings. What would Mother have done if she had encountered humans? Based on what was known to this point, she would have been certain in her wariness. Humans were confusing creatures. They fought constantly amongst themselves, yet could be just as capable as compassionate creatures.
The human had seemed peaceable enough, but was this his true nature? It had been discovered humans could easily change their moods in the blink of an eye.
As they stood at the door, hidden within their magic, Alpha and Beta—as their brothers and sisters had coined them—considered their options. They wanted to see the human up close. He had a tangible they wanted to understand better. Catherine might benefit from his experiences. She was young and would need guidance to be a leader. The twins had accepted her, but were confused as to how best to prepare their queen-to-be for her crown.
Even with this taken into consideration, there was the air about the humans who had gone into the building earlier. There was a faint touch of magic to their auras, one that skimmed from their beings. The purpose of the magic was unknown, but the twins were leary of it. Though changelings were magical creatures, it did not mean they were well versed in all the forms of magic. What was worse, this was not Equestria. There was an odd feeling to the magic of this world, as if it were slippery and difficult to hold. As the pair had tried to get a better sense of this faint magical residue, it had something oddly familiar to it.
Perhaps Zilla would know. Or perhaps Newton.
As the two debated mentally, Alpha opened up a path to the hive mind and sought out Newton. He pinged in reply, irritated at the interruption. The elder changeling had been working on something. Perhaps another one of his weird experiments.
‘Vat?’ Even in the Mind, Newton had that ridiculous accent.
‘Sending a sample of odd magic. Source: unknown. Purpose: unknown. Taken from a group of humans before they entered a group gathering. Possible connections to our world.’ Alpha’s voice in the hive mind was monotone and indifferent.
Beta, however, was a different story. ‘Dude. I mean, seriously. Dude. Check this out. Dude! The vibes of the magic is, like, totally negative! These vibes are like, such downers! I mean, like, you totally can’t see it until you really get a close look at it. Dude!’ The sounds of bubble gum being chewed accompanied her mental projection.
Newton recoiled from Beta’s mind. ‘Vat is zis I don’t even... Vy do you girls always do zis to me? Vat did I ever do to you? Bah! Nevermind. Vat is zis magic you are talking about?’
‘I am sending you the sample collected for analysis. Standbye. Sample sent. Do you require a follow up?’ Alpha waited patiently while Beta stood on watch. They had taken to hiding in some bushes next to the wooden steps leading up to the doors of the building.
‘One moment.’ Newton’s mind faded as he was distracted. There was pressure and a pop as he returned to the link after several anxious seconds of waiting. ‘Zis. Zis could be a problem. And you zay zere iz no indication as to ze origin of ze magic? Vat have you two been doing?’
Alpha blinked once. ‘We have found a human who seems to have influence over other humans. He appears to be a spiritual leader. There are tangibles we think Catherine would benefit from. Consideration for harvesting is being submitted for consideration. This human has a considerable understanding of how to reach out to other humans. Pacifist views have been noted in the group and reinforced by this human. This could be useful in the eventual contact with human authorities.’
‘Harvest? Vy vould ve harvest? Observe! Observe only!’
‘Unacceptable. Unknown magic is present. Threat to the hive is possible. Steps must be taken to ensure the safety of the swarm. Action must be considered.’
Beta giggled through the hive mind. ‘Dude! C’mon, Dude! This here human is like, a total asset to us! He’s got It! You know, It! We can totally get that to Cathy-boo!’
The facehoof echoed throughout the hive mind, and possibly in some other minds, too. ‘I… You… Vat… Do not move, either of you! Let me talk to Zilla and Speaker and zee vat zey think.’
“Well?” Beta asked her sister while the hive mind was placed on hold. “Were we lucky or were we like, totally lucky? Dude!” Her voice barely contained her excitement.
“The odds were very much against us,” Alpha admitted in a droning voice. “Given the estimated population of this human settlement, it is most fortunate this human was discovered on our first attempt. It would appear humans with charisma attract other humans. It seems to be as common a happening as it was with ponies in Equestria.”
Beta pulled out a large burlap sack and some rope. Uncurling the rope, she wore a greedy smile of anticipation. Oh, to again do things she used to do before everything went to pot! Things were finally going to be fun, not that there was anything wrong with spontaneously breaking out into song and dance, or anything like that. Oh, no, not all all! Beta loved singing! It was one of the downers Mommy had stood by. Mommy had been such a bore! Conquer this! Subdue that! Imitate art! Duplicate dupes! Fit Shining Armor for that maid outfit for afterwords! Bleh!
The static of the hive mind crackled in her head. ‘All right. Ve have come to a consensus. You are to—’
‘Right! On it! Moving with Operation: Foalnap!’
There was confusion on the other end. ‘Vas? No! Vait!’
But, by now, it was far too late. Considering the direction this story has been going, are you really surprised?
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Kidnapping a minister?
Deer Jesus~
Alpha and Beta foalnap the minister. God smites them and the hive. Story's over. Good bye. The End.
7171701 Don't worry, they've got this one in the bag!
7171746 Yeah, they have it all tied up!
THAT IS TOTALLY GAY!!
7171872 That's totally undermining the point, but aight. I get the joke—just feel that it was ill timed.
~ Neon Lights
7171823 7171746 I don't know whether to hit you or kiss you for those puns... I'll elect to simply stare at my screen and seeeeth.
~ Neon Lights
'Oh, you have got to be kidding me!'
-Stephen Merchant's Wheatley, in Portal 2, 2011, on kidnapping a minister.
"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." - Jesus; Luke 23:34
"No, seriously, they have REALLY know not what they what they do... even if they were holding the board game in their hole-y hooves, they'd still have no 'Clue'!" - BradtheBrony; Said after face-palming at the changlings' antics in this chapter.
this is a prime example of why the queen kept a tight leash on her drones
7172573 Yeah, seriously, they're bordering on too stupid to live when left to their own devices.
At least they know how to revere her. Chryssie is the world, Chryssie is life.
... *thumbs up*
My reaction to Alpha and Beta trying to do a very stupid thing in this chapter:
Catholic, Roman Catholic, Baptist, or Luteran?
A minister? I was thinking it was a priest.
7174159 I thought Catholic and Roman Catholic were one and the same?
:Googlesit.jpg:
Huh, so Roman Catholicism is only one sort of Catholicism. we're still the biggest, though!
7171701 I hate Google, YouTube, and Bing right now. Anyway, I tried looking up "Skit Guys - Deer Lord" and yet what I want will never show up.
Incase you do search "Skit Guys" then basically:
Bald guy confronts his friend. Bald guy confused "Dear Lord" with "Deer Lord" so you have a guy with bad hearing in a deer costume included. It's funny and took half an hour give or take before I gave up.
Search "Skit Guys - Little Billy" or something. I'm done!
7171872 To me it felt rather queer.
No. I'm not surprised at all
7175137 I thought he was a cultist.
7175137 I wasn't aware there was a difference.
This comment section is beautiful. Freakin' hilarious!
On the subject of the chapter....that title says it all.
7653835 A minister put laws and more or less work in a ministry, a priest work in a church and his work is
tell the sheeps to not go darktell about god between other things, I'm not too much of going to church so I can't give too much info.They should've just stayed at the spa
um....
i'm pretty sure you sead they didn't have any infiltrators