Twenty years after coming to Equestria, Silver Script has the opportunity to temporarily be human again. If only the circumstances that sent her to Sunset's human world allowed it to be a vacation.
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7370482 I take a... different route than most to time travel stories. Several events in Tales will occur pretty much because a time traveller resolved to do something in the past at a later date.
It's also very difficult to speak of time travel occurrences in English, since we don't really have a tense for "things [I do in] the future at a later date". So a time traveller should speak in present/future/past tenses. (I will have had do)
It's the... eye of the cockatrice!
It's a farce of a fight
Defying the challenge of a rival
And the unstoned survivors
Know to beware the might
As she's watching them all with the eye... of the cockatrice.
Ah the first rule of a fight to the death, if you are fighting fair, you aren't fighting. The Girls are going to have to be focused and polished this time. I guess there won't be any eleventh hour power ups this time.
Wonder what Sunset thinks about cockatrice's eye. But main thing of any fanfic's checklist is done - Rainbow got what was coming to her.
Rainbow just got stoned
That's a fun way to beat someone.
Odd how almost everyone was so quick to get over their shock and start laughing. It seems like the kind of thing that would freak people out just a bit.
Hah, Stoned then Creamed!
“Just goes to show I’m getting old.
1. Just forgot your closing quotation mark here.
7453729 Actually, as it's the same speaker in the next paragraph opening with a quotation, this is acceptable.
7454616 Huh,I normally see that rule in effect without narration in between. Guess that line now applies to me.
Not bad. Two things, though, before I give my actual critique;
First, the whole 'turning Rainbow to stone' was rather predictable. As soon as the fight was certain, I knew it was coming. Of course, that's not necessarily bad. Not everything needs to be a twist, and sometimes knowing exactly what's coming can actually benifit the story. I feel in this case, it benefits. Going in thinking "Your ass is gettin' petrified" only to say "Told you so" can be much more effective than a surprise ending.
Look at the opening of Full Metal Jacket. You know right away that anyone that wasn't a perfect soldier was going to get a lashing by Gunnery Sargent Ermmy, but it was still oh-so satisfying to watch. As a result, we have what is, in my opinion, the greatest improvised scene in movie history.
Second, while watching the feet can work against a novice, against an experienced fighter, it's best to watch the center of their chest. An experienced fighter doesn't telegraph movement of the hand in their feet. Watching their chest gives you full view of their entire body with your peripherals.
Anyway, my impression so far: Wow, have you improved since the first one, especially in the dialogue. The first one had a tendency to go into overly theatrical dialogue, like with the Shakespearean scalding from the Cakes (seriously, go back and reread that and tell me real people talk like that). Even the second had a couple moments that strained suspension of disbelief but was still a great story.
This, however, is a vast improvement. The only issue I could really bring up is that Silver does seem to speak as if she were sixty sometimes, but that's not really outside the realm of believablility. Hell, I've met people in their thirties that speak similarly, but in this case it's rather inconstant, as Silver only speaks like that on occasion.
The only other complaint is, again, purely personal opinion, and that is that this one seems to deviate from one of the major focuses of the first two; mental instability. While it does seem to play at least some role in this, in the previous two it was a major focus. In the first, it was the primary dilemma, and in the second it was still major theme, directly playing into the main dilemma.
You do psychological illness well, and I would like to see more of this from you, even if it's in another story.
7489832 On the point about the feet, I approached that particular scene as though Rainbow wasn't exactly taking Silver seriously in the beginning. I've always found Rainbow Dash to be notoriously arrogant, and figured she wouldn't assume a pony would be as adept at reading a person as Silver turned out to be. That's why she clued in so quickly that she couldn't underestimate her [and promptly activated her trap card].
As far as the way Silver talks so inconsistently, she put it best in Chapter 2: Day 1.
I personally see it as her way of staying aloof and entertained... She thinks if she can keep people/ponies at a safe emotional 'distance' by switching things up/fucking with them, she won't allow herself to be hurt as easily when someone let's her down or tragedy strikes. She's been through enough in her life that she has become cynical to the point of being frugal with her emotional investments. Even after nearly two decades of recovering from her last batch of mental illness, she's refrained from making too many friends, instead pouring all that love and affection into her daughters and her mothering instincts. Which in turn is something that actually leaves her vulnerable.
That isn't to say psychological issues won't play a part in the future. Without spoiling anything too major, she DOES relapse into certain ways of thinking in a scene that'll be vaguely reminiscent from the first story, but it's still a ways off.
I honestly don't know why I can depict mental illness the way I can. I've always had a certain eye for the way the mind, broken or not, works, even if psychology wasn't my strongest subject in eleventh year. It's just something that works, you know?
7490267 Well, I can't wait to see where you go with it. It's getting really good.
P.S.
Would the phrase "it takes one to know one" apply?
7490282 Can't deny I've gone through my share of depression and such, but I've never once had visual or aural hallucinations, nor do I have PTSD.
7491246 So you're not crazy? That's too bad. You should join the club! We have jackets