P.B. and J.

by TheAmazingMe

P.B. and Death

Our little two day getaway was over. The week of preparations for the Moonlit Garden Party was underway and it was hard not to feel overwhelmed. Moondancer, Time Turner, Joe, and I did our level best to keep everypony's heads above water, including our own.

Celestia actually surprised me when we got back. I had little warning, only the flash of light gold around me and then I was magically at her side in her personal quarters. Until I'd been old enough to want my own privacy, I'd grown up in this suite of rooms. I still remembered that time fondly. Having these familiar surroundings be exceptionally unchanged in the intervening years brought a bit of peace to my heart. Some things never changed, and that was true with Celestia on certain matters.

The uncharted territory of where she could change stretched out in the silence between us. Princess Celestia sat on a rather plump cushion on the floor. "I should apologize for stealing you away so abruptly."

I shook my head. "Princess, let me assure you that--"

She cut me off. "Aunt or Celestia. Or Aunt Celestia. Whether we're in public or private, as a prince you have that ability."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "With all due respect, it is quite improper to speak so familiarly in public when I am not a crown prince or heir to a noble house. Those are they who can address you informally. Traditionally speaking, of course. As Civil List has no doubt found to her displeasure, you often waive the more formal aspects of address and comportment."

"I suppose Luna's been too busy to talk to you, but no matter." Celestia gestured to the cushion beside me in invitation. I sat. "You will have noticed that I don't stand much on ceremony."

"Well, given that neither of us are standing, I suppose I could say the same," I joked. She smiled, a real smile that lit up her eyes. "It has caused you no end of troubles with those dedicated to the traditions long at play in pony society."

Celestia heaved a heavy sigh. With a glow of her magic, she popped a small wooden box between us. As she spoke, she began to open it and rummage around. "Let it be noted between us that I have never been comfortable with these traditions, even when they began so many years ago. So it gives me no end of pleasure to turn things on their heads when I can. But yes, as you've stated, the more traditional amongst the peerage are vocal in their dissent with my assessment on propriety." She passed over a small puzzle for me to use my magic on to solve.

Reminding myself to use my original color, I picked up the warm-up puzzle and set about finding the proper solution. "You have allies in the peerage as well, but two of the major movers and shakers happen to be sticklers for rules. Civil List was a key part of your entourage for a reason. She helped you navigate the political minefield that comes with dealing with ponies of a certain persuasion." Puzzle solved, I reassembled it to reset it back to the way I'd found it.

"Please don't take this as an insult, but you have picked up a few of Civil's tricks yourself, if I'm not mistaken?" Celestia looked at me with care. I let the immediate anger at being compared to Civil flow through me and then leave me as I exhaled slowly.

Blinking slowly, I nodded. "That would be a fair assessment. I learned a great many things from her. Good and bad."

"There is a lot I should have taken the time to notice, Blue. But in spite of all I did wrong, I think learning a bit from Civil may help our cause. I just wish it hadn't come at such a cost."

I set the puzzle down with exaggerated care. The war of emotions in me wanted to snap out at her, but my better demons were holding me at bay. "What is our cause?"

Celestia's gaze weighed me, the mind behind the eyes almost audibly clicking and whirring as the mechanisms within churned. "The return of the House of the Night to prominence. Luna's house is overdue in that respect and to solve the problems that once divided us, getting her renown is of the utmost importance. I suppose you've heard how the last few Day Court-related events have gone?"

It was difficult to know where the starting point for 'the last few' would be. It seemed ever since the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville there was a certain penchant for events going awry. Not all were on the same scale, and Celestia certainly never seemed to be too troubled whichever way things ended up... "Has that been intentional?" I asked, suddenly wondering exactly how much Celestia planned to go crazy.

Her sudden glance over her shoulder told me enough. "Define 'intentional.'"

"Well, aside from kicking me out of your house, you seem to be quite good at pissing off the traditionalists. So I'd say you know exactly how intentional," I said, drily.

She coughed into her hoof and continued, standing to gather the next instrument of instruction. "When I gave you over to her house, I was angry. I didn't think it all through properly. My calculations were that you would continue to diminish." Giving you over to Luna was to show the traditionalists that I would deal with family that stepped out of bounds fairly. I expected Luna to send you away after your probation failed and her toughness would help her cause with the traditionalists."

My temper was a funny thing sometimes. It ran hot for a while, but if it couldn't find release and more pressure built, it went cold. And not in the, 'I've calmed down' kind of way. More in the 'this ice-storm could kill a yak' kind of way.

Reaching into a nearby cupboard, she withdrew a set of glass orbs. Their fragility was their entire point; magical grasp could be more firm or less firm with the proper concentration. Taking a moment to coat one in a special liquid, Celestia continued. "Civil's assessment upon her return was about as glowing. Speaking of which, I suppose it's fair to say I've not decided yet what to do about her decision to not pass on information as directed. Were it any other pony, their prior performance would dictate how I'd respond. But I believe her prior performance, especially as it involves you, calls for a stronger response than normal." At the end of her final sentence, Celestia levitated all five glass orbs at once.

I shrugged, more annoyed than surprised at her reluctance. Standing, I charged up my horn. "Firing her would be a mistake. She does have connections and friends in the noble houses who believe in the more traditional ways. Getting rid of her would send a signal to those wings of the peerage worried about losing the benefits of their status." Taking an orb at a time, I purposefully avoided the final, liquid-coated orb until the end.

She emitted an un-Princess-like snort. It wasn't immediately clear whether she was critiquing my exercises or if it was in response to my statement. As I took hold of the last orb, I took extreme care. The liquid coating made it more slippery to my magical grip. It also tended to react unpredictably in a magical field. As I wasn't keen on exploding the orb again, I used a considerable amount of concentration to make sure my magic flowed evenly around the orb.

Celestia walked around me, examining my progress and taking stock of my control and power. She also seemed keen to pick my brain as she went. "Like Lord Fields? As I recall, there were some less than fully truthful statements made leading to a certain somepony's audience with me coming from his next-in-line. The way I see it, their house owes mine for a wrongfully pursued suit."

For a moment, her clear misunderstanding of the situation irritated me. It was enough to disrupt my concentration for a moment, and the liquid around the final orb started to sizzle. Slowing my breath, I concentrated on returning the coated orb to an even state. Satisfied that I'd accomplished it, I realized that Celestia was just spitballing me to see what I'd say. "That would be one way to see the situation. I doubt that Lord Fields would see it that way. Especially in private. Were you to call it a debt, he'd no doubt agree in public. Yet, there would be a grudge there. There should be a way to collect the traditionalists into your cause without ultimately compromising the atmosphere currently at Court. Why is this so important? Having the Night Court free from the petty squabbles has got to be a boon to you both."

Celestia sighed. "The power of the peerage is the accumulated wealth of generations of ponies. The lords and ladies of the noble houses have resources that rival even the Royal resources and are a great deal more varied and certainly easier to quickly deploy. The Royal resources have to be approved through the lower House of Commons. Having representatives from the noble houses increases our access to these resources. Currently, about half of the noble houses have representatives in the Night Court and of those I'd say about half again are useful."

The quality of representation was a problem I'd noticed in the Night Court. Many noble houses simply didn't know what the Night Court offered to them that the Day Court didn't already do. Quite a few noble reps in the NIght Court could be best described as lip-service appointments. Younger sons and daughters with little pull if any in their respective houses. "So, I guess what you're saying is that this Moonlit Garden Party is of particular importance?" I said as I gently lowered the orbs back into Celestia's magical grasp.

She took the coated one last, and it blew up at the touch of her magic. I flinched away on instinct, but of course she paused the fragments in time to keep things safe. "Only if you over-think it. I believe there's a way to walk the line between tradition and fun."

Gazing at the frozen shard of floating glass, I shook my head. "Sometimes I wonder whether we have the same definitions of fun."

"Well, definitions aside, I'm going to go find Civil and talk to her. Her behavior has been erratic and there are a few things that are long overdue." Celestia announced, piecing the orb together as she spoke.

"Well, have fun with that," I said, dismissing myself from her quarters to have fun of my own.

---

Back in the balcony garden, Joe and I went over how to arrange deserts on the table. Luna's moonlit garden party was a scant few days away, after all.

Princess Celestia broke in, interrupting our conversation.

"I know you and her didn't get along, Blueblood, but Civil List collapsed today. She's in the hospital now, but the outcome is grim." In spite of everything I'd ever felt towards Civil, I wasn't prepared for this, nor was I prepared for her next question. "I have no right to ask you, but I can't face this alone. Will you please come with me? You don't have to say anything; I promise. Just walk me to the door."

"Of course. Joe, I'm sorry..," I started, but he waved me off.

"No, please. Go on." He urged.

Canterlot Royal Hospital was a fairly sizable, if somewhat unremarkable part of the Corona Royal campus. Medical facilities in the Royal Palace were mainly used as a triage; more serious conditions required the state of the art new facilities of the Royal Hospital. The hospital was close, but still a moderate walk. "I was in the process of confronting her on her behavior. Forgetting or even intentionally not telling you something that I directly ordered her to do was so unlike her. I should have realized... At any rate, from what the doctors say, she's been terminal for some time. Even since before she returned. She really did come back to try and reestablish her legacy."

I didn't know what to say to that. I flashed back to the argument we'd had at Night Court. And again at Joe's shop. The whole time, she had her own mortality in mind. Yet she couldn't bring herself to use it to her advantage. She hadn't even told Celestia! "I had no idea, Aunt Celestia..."

It took me a moment to realize she'd outpaced me. Hurrying to catch up, I barely heard her speaking. "I'm sure she kept it to herself for a reason."

Her pace was beginning to alarm me. There weren't many ponies around, aside from her personal guards. The guards were trotting to keep up. It was time to reign in the ruler. "Slow down Celestia, you don't want to attract undue attention."

She snorted. "I won't say who that reminds me of." Her comment normally would have bothered me, but considering the circumstances, I overlooked it. It helped that Celestia did slow down as I'd recommended. One of the Royal Guards flanking us gave me a thankful nod. I returned the gesture and we entered through the main entrance of the hospital.

The hospital staff was professional, but seeing the Crown Princess had an effect on even trained ponies. It took a moment and a word from the Royal Guard escorting us to convince the lobby staff that we didn't need any more ponies involved than necessary. Thankfully, the guards were trained on the layout of every major building in the Palace Campus, so we didn't need more than the room number.

Hospital beds had a way of making even great ponies look frail. For a slight mare, Civil List looked like she wouldn't be long for this world. Even so, her eyes focused on Celestia. "Please forgive me for disobeying your direct order, Princess. It slipped from my mind, and I'll admit that there's a history between us that made it easy for me to overlook him." Her voice was raspy, her breathing ragged. I stood still as a statue, frozen in her room's doorway.

Celestia shook her head. "You're on a hospital bed, Civ. I'm sure there were more important matters in your mind."

Civil nodded. "They told me a few days ago that my time was running short. In my hurry to try and mentor your current aide and Moon Dancer, well. It is no excuse. I should have seen to my duty."

Celestia shushed her and crossed to her bedside. "I should not have put so much on you in your return. As capable as you were in your prime; I had no right to expect such devotion. You have family, Civil. Your last days should have been with them."

Civil's sigh was interrupted by a fit of coughing. When she regained control of her breathing she shrugged. "Oddly enough, they want nothing to do with me. Oh sure, they'd come around if they thought I'd be gone tomorrow, but they have their own lives. It was easier for them to not have such a burden on their minds."

"Easier for them or for you?" I couldn't help but ask.

She looked at me in consideration before smiling. It was a ghost of her political smile, except her eyes were too worn and earnest to be vacant and pleasing. "Astute as you ever were. Yes, it was easier for me to just have them miss me after I'd gone."

She shifted again, her breathing once more growing more labored. "I've wasted my time. Nopony does things my way anymore. The Courts are much more informal. The servants and guards have much different priorities. Time holds still for no pony. Not even you princess."

"Then why come back at all? Rehabilitating your reputation at such a late stage? Was that really all you wanted to do?" I asked, disdain in my voice in spite of myself.

"I don't expect you to understand. Of all ponies, you never understood anything I did. What I tried to accomplish for you, through you. You took my gifts and squandered them." She leaned forward as she spoke, but Celestia leaned a hoof against her shoulder to keep her down.

"There was more to raising Blueblood than trying to gain accomplishments, Civil." Celestia's voice commanded respect, even from a pony so near the end.

"Civil, I...Maybe we..." How could I even be thinking of offering an olive branch to her? I wondered that for a long moment as the silence fell like a wall dividing us. It was to my great shock that Civil broke first.

She shook her head. "I should apologize to you both. Celestia, I should have been a better nurturing figure to your kin. Whether I believed your pronouncement or not, you chose him to be part of your family. You could have fostered him off on any noble house, but you kept him close at hoof. I should have been there to help you raise him in a loving, supportive manner. Mind you, that was not my forte. But for all the blame I cast on him, an even greater burden must rest with me."

She turned her head to me. "You may not believe me. I wouldn't blame you if you wished me ill. I took my frustrations out on you when I should have seen to your welfare. It seems inconceivable, but in my own mind I'd convinced myself what I was doing was right. It doesn't excuse what I've done. I have no right to ask you to forgive me."

"You never were good at asking." I reminded her. "So let me take a page from your book. I forgive you. Even if it took...this for you to say it, it means everything to me to hear this from you."

"I suppose you expected me to curse you with my last breath?" She chuckled, though the wheezing returned with a vengeance.

"Take it easy, Civil." Celestia implored.

"Yes, princess." Civil replied, some dry humor in her obedience. "I think I will." She closed her eyes and her breathing grew less labored, less erratic. I came into the room and held Civil's other hoof in my own. The princess and I looked at each other from across Civil's bed. Celestia's expression was plainly readable for one of the few times I could remember. Although, this time, I wished I couldn't read the pain in her eyes as clearly. It took Celestia and I both a few moments to realize that Civil List wasn't breathing anymore.

Author's Note:

I don't know what to say except it gets better from here. Stay tuned, loves.

Special thanks to Crystal for editing help!

Comments

[Frankie2]

That was another totally unexpected twist.

[TheAmazingMe]

8379573
What can I say? I guess after a year and a half writing this story, I still have a way with messing with expectations. For better and for worse.

[RadicalDishonesty]

This is a confrontation I'm rather surprised to see. But I'm glad for it, more or less.

I don't think "I did what I thought was right" is a very good excuse for how Civil sorta long term ruined Blueblood, but the sentiment is appreciated all the same.

[Sylvian]

A tragic end for a mare who had many regrets in the end.

Also, I don't know why, but this song feels fitting for this chapter.