P.B. and J.

by TheAmazingMe

P.B. and Desire

"Just do me a favor and never tell that joke again." Princess Luna concluded at the end of our negotiations.

I couldn't help it; I blushed. "I'm thinking of reducing my alcohol intake drastically."

"Good idea," she said as she nodded. "See that you do." Her rueful smile softened any sort of impact I could have taken.

I bowed and took my leave, inwardly elated in spite of my drunken antics the night before. Luna was in favor of my first 'solo' trip out of Canterlot since I'd arrived. She'd even cleared me for two full days away instead of the one day trip that I'd requested. It wouldn't actually be a solo trip; I'd have Joe, four guards, and a personal assistant. Princess Luna had seen fit to grant me my own personal assistant! I was lectured, of course, about propriety and noblesse oblige and basic pony decency, but I made a conscious decision to be unfailingly kind to my assistant. Whoever she was.

I'd basically gotten everything packed on my own. One of the two day guards, Flash, had actually shown me how to pack my things so that the large suitcase actually closed, but I'd picked everything out. Joe was meeting us at the station. All I had left was to wait for my cute little assist--

A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts. Stumbling a bit around my suitcase, I went to open the door. I collected myself, adjusting my mane in the mirror on the door before opening it. Instead of a mare, there stood an earth pony stallion. Brown coat, a slightly darker Brown mane. More on the lean side, with a colorful scarf wrapped around his neck and a merry twinkling in his eyes.

Craning my neck, I attempted to look around him in the vain hope somepony else was there. I managed to catch a glimpse of one of the castle porters before his head followed mine. I attempted the same maneuver on his other side and was met with his face again. I relented. "Hello." I said, trying vainly to put some good feelings into the greeting to make up for the disappointment.

"Your Highness, hello. I'm Dr. Turner. Time management specialist." He said, extending a hoof.

I bumped my hoof against his, without enthusiasm. I had a sinking suspicion, but I held out hope that I was wrong. Inhaling slowly, I let it out and smiled. "How can I help you?" I asked as I stood to the side to allow the porter to access my bags. The stout earth pony began securing them in his trolley as I spoke to the newcomer.

He chuckled. His posh accent caught my attention as he continued. "Actually, you have that a little reversed. I'm here to help you! Princess Luna offered me a good sum to move here from Ponyville and act as your personal assistant!"

I blinked, momentarily at a loss for words. Luna said that my assistant would be cute... "My aunt has a wicked sense of humor."

She wasn't exactly wrong, per se. But Turner wasn't a paragon of high fashion. Neither was Joe, but at least he had the sense to not wear a loud multi-colored scarf with a green tie and white collar. Said collar, by the way, was one of the more ridiculous pieces of couture to come out from an assuredly misguided designer's mind. Not even a full shirt, just the collar. At least when I'd sported the look, I'd had the sense to have sharp black lapels and a faux-button-up. This was practically spartan.

"Ahem," the stallion cleared his throat. "You seem to have lost your tongue, Your Highness. Perhaps you were not expecting me?"

I tore my thoughts away from the brink of incivility and cleared my own throat. "You could say that. My aunt implied a...different kind of pony for this position. I trust you are suited--" My mind caught on the word, as he was clearly not suited, at least in the literal sense. I tore my thoughts away from ranting at the stupid plain shirt triangle. "That is to say, you are capable of assisting me."

He gestured to his planner balanced on his back. I hadn't noticed the detail before. "Very much so. I trust you will find my itinerary for today's trip to be satisfactory, if a little bare. I made sure you had plenty of free time for your friend Mr. Joe. There are but a few matters of importance, such as luncheon with Their Royal Highnesses and--" I held up a hoof to cut him off. Luckily, he stemmed the tide of words and acknowledged it. "Yes?"

"Who briefed you on the particulars of this trip?" I asked, more curious than furious.

Without missing a beat, Dr. Turner piped up. "Her Royal Highness went over the broad points but Moondancer went over the particulars, including travel accommodations and an overview on royal house guard protocol as well as Crystal Empire etiquette."

I exhaled slowly through my nose. "Well, I suppose this trip will be a good trial run for you. See how you handle the stresses of the job. I will try not to make it too hard on you, but I can be rather demanding."

Turner's smile never faltered. His eye contact was something I'd have to get used to as well. Most ponies didn't look me straight in the eyes. "I believe we will get along just fine. If your highness is ready, your aunt's baggage handlers are prepared to take your luggage to the Royal Air Dock. Captain Armor actually changed the departure point so that it would be closer." He said, answering the question I had before I asked.

The Royal Air Dock was a photo-op place made to look as grand and elegant as possible while still serving its function as the departure point for most trips of state. Canterlot's Royal Air Force served as the guard here, all experienced flying pegasus ponies, with a few earth ponies and unicorns rounding out the paper pushers. With the advent of mechanical air travel, pegasi weren't the only ones to serve as pilots, although they were the majority.

To have the honor of using the R.A.D. for such a relatively small trip was heartening, but also confusing. The planning I'd done had naturally included the nicer of the three Canterlot Air Docks in the Prominence District. Sky Harbor was the home of Luna's airship, not the R.A.D. because the R.A.D. was quite a bit smaller than the largest airship harbor in the city. This would have certainly included taking Luna's airship on a small flight out of Sky Harbor and over to the R.A.D. I tried not to dwell on the change as we made our way to it.

As it turned out, that was prudent. The answer to several of my questions, from why the pony at my side was there to why we stood in the private royal antechamber of the castle's air dock. And, of course, she was smiling.

"Your Highness, Prince Blueblood." She said, nodding her head at me graciously.

I bowed, inclining my head to the most appropriate degree. "Your Royal Highness. I am honored to have you see us off. I take it Joe was informed?"

Joe trotted over, tail high. "I'm here...oops. Did that count as speaking to me?" Apparently, Moondancer’s etiquette lessons had a little way to go still.

I rolled my eyes. "Not really, but Her Highness is rather forgiving of slips in protocol."

Princess Luna waved a hoof to clear the air. "Pony Joe and I have already conversed. When I picked him up from Sky Harbor we discussed the few alterations I had to make to this trip. They concerned him directly. This is now a state visit of Canterlot to the Crystal Empire." She held up a hoof at what I am sure was my sour expression.

"This is news to me." I said, trying to stay positive. I winced as I realized I hadn't quite succeeded.

Luna seemed to take it in good humor. “The change was unavoidable. Only a few alterations to your itinerary, I promise. I’ve briefed Joe and Dr. Turner as well.”

“Oh, so I am the last to know of this little change?” I said, carefully metering my tone as I felt my hackles rise.

Luna raised an eyebrow. Apparently her humor had limits. “Celestia informed me that she sent Civil to explain the reasons for the change. My apologies, I assumed she did so. In the future, I will personally make sure that you are notified.”

“Oh.” I said, off-guard. I was still mad, but the long-smoldering pile of anger at Civil List was an issue I was much more experienced in handling.

“Yes, Dr. Turner?” Luna said, acknowledging the raised hoof.

Turner blushed as everyone's attention turned to him, but cleared his throat and spoke. “Your Royal Highness and Your Highness, my apologies as well. I should have filled in His Highness on the way here.”

Luna waved a hoof. "We will take this as a learning experience. To the matter at hoof, though. There is a cultural festival taking place during your visit. We were quite taken by surprise, as well. Apparently, there was some confusion over whether the tradition would continue, but it seems a growing set in the city insisted upon it."

I rolled my eyes. "Tradition gets in the way of fun again."

Luna chose to ignore my demeanor, but I could see the line of her mouth deepen slightly before she recovered. "Quite. Cadence and Shining Armor could use some additional royal presence and as Celestia and I have found ourselves unable to attend, you shall be my representative. Joe is Celestia's representative; he also has a special mission to find and master the ability to create edible glass. It is of particular interest to my sister, for some reason. I admit, I am curious as well. The confectioners around here have been less than successful in gaining the trick, although Pinkie Pie of Ponyville came close with a cloudy semi-transparent rock candy. Crystal ponies are more open in many ways, but closed off in others."

Nodding, I slipped my carry on from my luggage rack as it passed by. It floated just over my back as I piped up. "Dr. Turner can fill me in on the particulars. Any other special event changes to my vacation? Perhaps you have a diplomatic errand for me to run as well?"

Luna shook her head. "Only as they relate to the festival. Your free time to explore the city is greatly hindered by the festivities, but I trust that you can make the most of the situation. It is a festival, so I'm sure there will be fun to be had. Dr. Turner will go over etiquette as it pertains to the festival as well. Do me proud, nephew."

I bowed again. "Yes, ma'am."

As the others exited, Luna's magical glow encircled my chest and held me firm. "Yes, Your Royal Highness?"

She calmly walked over and faced me. I tensed, holding my chin high and took a deep breath to steady myself for the incoming lecture. I'd earned it with my multiple interrup-- "Do you intend to sass me at every meeting, or is this a special occasion?"

I steeled myself for punishment, but her laughter caught me off guard. She hugged me. I was momentarily dazed. "What?" I asked, the very picture of eloquence.

She drew back to hold me at leg's length. "It was difficult not to laugh. Take care that your antics are only thus in front of those close to us. It wouldn't do you any favors for your reputation if you were heard back-sassing your princess."

"Interrupt my vacations with work and you'll get more than sass in the future." I said cheekily. She bopped my head lightly with a wing.

We both chuckled. "You remind me of a young princess who pouted every time her plans were interrupted by state business."

"You?" I asked, picturing a young Luna with a pouty face. It was oddly cute.

She shook her head. "You would not think the comparison to be a positive one."

I nodded and shook my head in response. "You're probably right about that."

After waving to the cameras on the way to Luna's ship, the HMS Crescent. Only two ships bore the HMS, Her Majesty's Ship, designation. Celestia had her own personal ship, the HMS Corona. Now Luna had her own as well. Every other ship carried the TMS, Their Majesties' Ship. The Crescent really was designed with Luna in mind. Black and royal purple, with gleaming silver accents and her nameplate shined to near-blinding.

Beside the walkway, past the red carpet and the small pool of press beside the red velvet rope, Joe stood waiting, Dr. Turner spotted me and nodded. He went ahead, presumably to ensure my things were delivered to their proper place. I smiled for a moment, as Joe checked an imaginary watch.

The flashes and questions were fleeting. I answered with one platitude or another. For the moment, I wasn't worried about my responses. My focus wasn't there, although I was sure I made the proper gestures and said the right things. Instead, my single thought was getting down to the ramp.

I spotted a reporter I recognized. "Life, I thought you were writing novels?"

Life Story shrugged. "Let's just say current events have led me down a different path."

I looked around us and laughed. "Yeah, me too."

"Equestria heartily approves of this, Your Highness. From your ongoing help with Pony Joe at the soup kitchen, to your advisory role in Luna's Court; you've earned respect in the eyes of the citizens."

"Tell that to some of my detractors at court." I said with a grin as I turned to leave.

"Your Highness, one question?" Life piped up again.

I turned back. "Of course, sorry. Forgot you were press for a moment."

Looking down at his badge, Life looked back at me and smirked. "I can see how you'd be confused."

I coughed, politely ignoring him. "Your question?" I reminded him.

He had the grace to blush. "Right. After he spoke for you in Celestia's Court, and everything that the two of you have done since, what would you say your relationship to Pony Joe is?" Life asked.

I froze. Glancing back at Joe, I took a deep breath and let it out. "Are you writing for a gossip magazine?"

Life sounded offended. "Good heavens, no. I'm sorry if it came off that way. The friends of the nobility is a source of curiosity for those following issues at court."

"I assure you that any influence that Joe has, he's earned." I said firmly, fixing a sidelong glance on the blood-dun unicorn stallion.

Life Story waved a hoof. "Of course, my apologies. I didn't mean to imply..."

"Joe is important to me. He's done a lot to help me turn over a new leaf and start anew, even this late in the game." Turning back once more to the red unicorn, I smiled. "Keep an eye on us." I said before walking away.

At the end of the ramp, I took one look back at the reporters and then looked at Joe.

He looked at me, his eyes widening with realization as I smiled. He smiled in return and shrugged. "It's your choice. Either way, they'll have a field day with this. 'Prince Blueblood Entrusted With Representing Princess Luna.'"

"How about, 'P.B. and J. Rock Equestria?'" I countered, waggling my eyebrows suggestively.

Laughing, he set a hoof on my shoulder. "Only if you really want to. It doesn't have to be here and now. Or ever. As a matter of fact--"

I leaned in before knocking his hoof away. As he stood confused for a split-second, I grabbed his neck and pulled him in to kiss him. It was mostly chaste, only a little in the way of tongue. I could swear I heard a certain unicorn whooping his support, a sentiment mostly reflected in the gathered assembly of press. Professionalism be damned, it seemed.

We waved to the still-flashing cameras as we walked up into the ship. I stopped in the middle of the hallway to catch my breath. I focused on looking out the window as the ship began casting off lines to take off. Wiping my forehead, I realized I'd broken out into sweating. Handing over a hoofkerchief, Joe smiled.

"That was...unexpected. I'm glad you decided that we wouldn't be hiding around anymore, but I don't know how well you thought this through." Joe commented.

I shrugged. "Well, it's done now. Too late to second-guess it."

Comments

[PonyJosiah13]

Oooh, I like your interprentation of Time Turner. A bit different, and very interesting.

[RadicalDishonesty]

Is Celestia... really so out of the loop on Civil and Blueblood's relationship that she'd send Civil list for him... for any reason whatsoever?

It actually reflects really poorly on her judgement, I think that she is apparently oblivious to the enmity between them.

But, then again, she wasn't barefaced hostile until last chapter, I suppose.

[Frankie2]

Once again, Civil puts the screws to Blueblood.

[Frankie2]

7925467 I think Celestia is too busy to notice anything or care about Blueblood, unless he screws up and/or acts like a complete jackass.

[RadicalDishonesty]

7925481
It's been a while since I read the chapter, but she understands that she and Blueblood are on bad terms.

The kind of bad terms where both sides think they're right, and are vaguely aware the other side must have a point but they just can't see it clearly, and when it comes to talking it out...

But because she doesn't notice Civil List is causing problems, she is missing out on a pretty big piece of the puzzle.

[Frankie2]

7925538 But does Luna know about the animosity between Blueblood and Civil List?

[Grekoy]

Yay! Time Turner made an appearance. I don't see many fanfics using him. Oh hi Life.

[TheAmazingMe]

7926261 Luna knows that Blue and Civil don't get along well, but what neither sister expected was for Civil to be unprofessional.