P.B. and J.

by TheAmazingMe

P.B. and ... Pineapple?

Another day, another day sorting donuts. I ritualistically had gotten into the habit of staining my apron in some way or another. After the third time, Luna made me go and change. She’d said it reflected poorly on her. I didn’t feel like telling her that having no nobles attending her Court was worse for her.

On the fourth day, Luna settled in the throne and waited for me to take my seat before speaking. “Dost thou knoweth of a thing called pizza? And if so, shouldst one find it most disagreeable to place pineapple atop it?”

My brain took a moment to process the question. The difficulty arose both from her odd speech pattern and the mundanity of the question. “A pizza is a circle of dough topped with sauce and occasionally cheese. The Neaponytan version uses mozzarella and is usually topped with fresh basil leaves. One could put pineapple on top, but personally I prefer pineapple grilled with some vanilla and a side of coconut ice cream.”

“Thou dost not prefer to mix savory and sweet in such a manner as that?” She asked.

“Indeed not. Although I recommend you try it just for the experience if nothing else.” This almost felt like a very weird dream, but I knew it was real. Luna signalled for the petitioners to enter and we said nothing more on the subject.

Another day, another jingle above my head. Joe looked to be busy with customers, so I went back to my locker to change. Before I could do more than set my glasses down, Joe tapped my shoulder.

"Um, Blue?" He asked.

"Yeah, Joe? I'm not late am I?" We'd had that argument once this week. Given Aunt Luna's rather long-winded reprimand, I wasn't looking to repeat it.

"No. It's just." I turned around to look at him. He was smiling, but still managed to look concerned. "It's the weekend."

"What does that...oh!" I smacked my forehead. Luna's judgment stated that I had to work with Joe before every session of Night Court. Night Court wasn't held on the weekends. "I don't have to work. Ugh! And I sent off the guards and carriage before I set hoof in here!"

That explained why the guards had been so cheerful, though.

"Do you want me to call you a cab, champ?" He asked. His tone seemed to be lightly mocking. To my chagrin, I had no witty remarks with which to respond.

"I don't feel like hearing it from Aunt Celestia's House Guard." I sighed.

"Oh, well. I may have a solution to that." He pulled out a bag. By the clinking, I reasoned there must be bits inside.

"Normally, I'd be the first to take advantage of your kindness. But, I already owe you enough and I hate owing anypony anything." I said, waving a hoof.

"This isn't mine. It's yours." Joe insisted.

I frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"This is your earnings from the work you did." He explained, reaching out to give me the bag.

Still confused, I took hold of the bag. Joe smiled. "I wasn't expecting this. I thought I was working only to satisfy Luna's judment."

"No reason you can't earn money of your own. The judgment doesn't say anything against it. I don't run a charity, I run a business. Having you work for free would be too much like slavery for my tastes. So, take some pride in what you do here and enjoy the benefits of working." His explanation seemed solid, but earning my own bits was weird.

It wasn't much. After all, I only worked ten hours a week. But it was mine. Not my allowance from the House of the Day. Not given to me because I was a prince. My earnings from my work. It was a new and strange sensation. Before I could give it too much thought, I put the bag into a pocket and looked up at Joe.

"I actually close the store earlier on the weekend so, if you don't mind hanging around while I close things up, I'll take the cab with you." He offered.

"Alright. But, do I have to go back to the castle right away?" I asked, shifting on my hooves nervously.

"Only if you want to." Joe said as he turned towards the front. "I'm sorta responsible for you though, so wherever you go, I'm going with you."

Could I live with that condition? It was better than having one of Aunt Celestia's tattle-tale guards sighing at every stop. "Deal." I said with a touch of resignation. No reason to let him think I wanted him around.

"So, what do normal ponies do after work?" I asked casually as Joe locked the front door. He had two boxes of baked goods in his magical hold. I was not about to offer to carry one and for once, he wasn’t all that keen on making me work.

"We could go get something to eat." Joe pointed out. “I just have to stop by someplace first. I’ll lead the way.”

I shrugged and kept pace as we walked. "Do you know a place? I'm not familiar with the lower income districts."

"Lower—How familiar are you with Canterlot?" Joe asked, incredulous.

"I've lived here my whole life." I blustered. "Of course, I'm familiar with Canterlot. Very much so."

Joe's eyes narrowed. "What street are we on?"

"I-uh, don't see what this has to do with anything." I replied, defensively.

Joe leaned against a light pole. "That's what I thought. Well, Your Highness, it's time you got a crash course in Canterlot's...lower income districts." Joe said with derisive humor. "For starters, you're on Wagon Way, the main thoroughbredfare in the delivery district. Canterlot's Courier Center up the road is a big anchor of the district and it's a multi-million bit earning business. Not what I'd call low-income."

We hopped into a cab and Joe spent the trip schooling me on places we passed. It had never been part of my studies to learn the layout of the city. Well, it might have been, but I wasn't exactly the best student. I was starting to learn the practical value of knowing where one was going. Joe seemed to know that I was paying attention, although I mostly feigned boredom. I couldn't let him see that I was interested in something so common.

“And this is the actual low-income district. Homelessness and hunger are more common here in The Shade.” Joe explained.

Looking around, I could definitely tell. It wasn’t exactly a shanty town, but neither were the old buildings particularly well-cared-for.

One nondescript looking building later and I walked into my first orphanage in...many years. I could practically feel the same emotionally draining atmosphere. Glancing around, many of the foals here were too old to be adoptable but too young to strike out on their own. I walked through in a trance-like state.

“Hey Cross Roads, I got some treats for the kids.” Joe announced. By the thunder of hooves ahead, he’d been heard. In seconds we were swarmed in hungry little ponies.

“Yeah, thanks for spoiling ‘em again Joe.” Cross said crossly, although he smiled slightly. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Blueby.” I almost corrected him before I remembered that I’d rather not be associated with this place. “He’s my new assistant.”

“Your last one was more pretty. What was her name?” Cross asked.

“Sue. But don’t let her hear you calling her pretty.” Joe cautioned with a laugh. “Well, we gotta scram. You guys doing alright?”

Cross shrugged. “Yeah, the crown sees to the basics. You know it’s the little things that make the kids happy. Like your donuts. Speaking of which, whaddya say to Mr. Joe, kids?”

A chorus of “Thank you Mr. Joe” rang out in the small space. Joe led me back outside and said our goodbyes for us.

“You okay?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Yeah I’m fine,” I said, not convincing even myself. “Let’s go to dinner.”

---

"Here we are, delManeco's Bitalian Restaurant. Back in the high rent districts." Joe said with a flourish.

We walked into the establishment and were greeted by an orange pegasus with red mane and tail. The pegasus greeted us warmly. "Pony Joe! It's about time you show up! You son of a gelding, you owe me from that last hoof-ball game!"

Joe laughed. "Erede delManeco! Why you gotta bust my chops in front of royalty?"

"Royalty? Oh sweet Celestia!" Erede exclaimed. "Your Royal Highness! What an honor!"

"I'm sure." I said dismissively. "We're just here to have dinner. Joe seems to think your fare is fit for a prince."

"Well, Joe is correct. This restaurant has been in my family for many generations. We’ve served nobles and nopony's. Please, follow me to our private room and we'll prove our worth to you." Erede led us to a table.

As we perused the menu, an oddity stuck out to me. "Pineapple Newburg?"

Joe looked up from his menu and smiled. "It's seasonal, so we're in luck that we came now. This restaurant originated the dish and it is amazing. Trust me, you'll love it."

"Fine, I'll just be a moment in the restroom. Make sure to order something non-alcoholic. I don't need the Royal Guard on my rear about drinking again." I said as I stood.

My necessities taken care of, I sojourned down the hall and stopped as I heard raised voices coming from the private room.

Erede's voice came through loud and clear. The Bitalian stallion wasn't a quiet one. "Joe, you must be joking. I'm not even a creme-puff like you and I can see how attractive that prince is!"

“Attractiveness is one thing. He just doesn’t have the kind of attitude I’d like in a partner.” Joe sipped his drink.

“You tell me you look at this princely image of perfection and all you want is a friend?” Erede made a rude noise. “I don’t believe you.”

Joe laughed. "Red, his reputation is well-established. You want to see if the rumors are true, just you go and try it yourself."

I opened the door none-too-subtly. "So that's what this is all about, huh?"

Joe stood up. "Blue, let me--"

"No, I don't want to hear it." I spat. "I'm not some two-bit floozy who'll just jump into bed with anypony."

"Blue, you know that's not how I think of you." Joe said.

"I don't know how you think of me and I'm sure I don't want to know!" With that, I slammed the door between us and went to catch a cab.

Author's Note:

Edited and expanded 5-20-18

Now with more pineapple