P.B. and J.

by TheAmazingMe

P.B. and ... Propriety

Royal Dinners could be grand, elegant affairs with nobles, notables and dignitaries of all sorts. The Royal Canterlot Houses dated back before the foundation of Equestria, after all. Royal cutlery, decorations, and traditions brought one's attention to the sheer weight of history that rested comfortably upon Their Royal Highness' shoulders. Even if the guest of honor was a common unicorn writer, the prestige of the event could hardly be ignored.

My companion of the evening, Moondancer, couldn't help but take it all in. "I don't care how many times I see it; it's all so gorgeous."

"I know." I replied, more out of the feeling that I should rather than any inclination to do so.

That might've encouraged her, because she continued. "Just think of all the famous ponies who've used these very utensils."

I made a face. "I'd just as soon not. Rationally, I know the castle staff takes care to make sure each piece is immaculate, but not everypony has great hygiene."

Moondancer rolled her eyes. "Sir, you said it yourself. Rationally. And I think it's a bit snobbish to bring up another pony's personal hygiene in such a manner."

"I apologize for the implication, Moondancer." I said mechanically. Apologies weren't difficult. Being sincere about them, on the other hoof...

"Let me enjoy tonight, if it pleases Your Highness." She sighed, turning to take in more of the scenery.

"Honestly, it all seems a bit gaudy to me. The Royal Houses put on a flashy show but, aside from the historical significance, there's not much to it. Do you think the early days of the Royal Houses were like this?"

"The Royal Houses as we know them today came from the unicorn houses from the time of the three tribes of Equestria. When Equestria was founded, the ruling structures of all three nations were melded together. The unicorn houses expanded to include the military structure of the pegasus civilization and the local governance took on more earth pony conventions. The resultant financial gain substantially increased the influence of the Royal Houses and the nation as a whole. We are at our most prominent when working in harmony." Looking around Moondancer, I caught sight of the pegasus stallion that had sidled up and horned in on our conversation.

"Sir Grand Prize, thank you for that truly gripping explanation." I said innocently. That I'd heard this particular lecture before likely escaped the broken cage that was the old stallion's memory.

He nodded at me blithely. "Your Highness, an unexpected pleasure to see you at one of Her Royal Highness Celestia's functions."

"He's a big admirer of--" I bumped into Moondancer, knocking her glasses off.

"Oh dear, let me get those for you, Moondancer." Picking the glasses up in my magic, I made a big production of cleaning them off for her. Losing interest, Sir Prize wandered off to bother somepony else.

"Let's keep my admiration of Trenderhoof to ourselves, shall we?"

"I can't believe we're here so late. The dinner is going to start soon and we barely made it through the reception line in time." Moondancer complained. "Aren't I here to keep you off of Trenderhoof? You barely said two words to him."

"You don't make idle conversation in the reception line. That's what the drawing room afterwards is for, assuming we're invited to that."

She tilted her head. "We could be invited to the dinner, but not the...what, after party?"

I shrugged. "I suppose one could call it that. Princess Celestia extends personal invitations to only some of the dinner guests. She does this out of consideration to her guest of honor and to those members of court who wouldn't want to linger around and chat."

"Moondancer!" An excited voice rang out from behind us. "I almost didn't recognize you. Your gown is amazing!"

Reluctantly, I turned around to face Princess Twilight Sparkle. Nodding my head respectfully, I greeted her. "Your Royal Highness, always a pleasure."

Twilight's enthusiasm waned at my presence. "Oh, uh, likewise, Your Highness. I mean, Blueblood. I mean Prince Blueblood!"

"Her Highness is welcome to use any of those names, given her precedence. Using all three is overachieving, though." I sneered. I couldn't help it, the bumbling, high society-inept egghead deserved quite a few things, but my Aunt Celestia's affection wasn't one of them.

"I didn't expect to see you two together. How long have you been an item?" Twilight asked obliviously.

Moondancer laughed. "We're not. His Highness invited me along so that I could get a real first-hoof experience with a royal event. You could call this research."

"I hope you're enjoying everything." Twilight said guardedly. "It would be a shame if anypony were to be playing with you." Her eyes bored into me at the end of her not-so-subtle inference.

"It would be a shame for the Princess of Friendship to think so poorly of a pony that she couldn't see them making real connections with other ponies." I observed. "Then again, given somepony's track record with mishandling problems, I suppose it could be argued that a certain pony very nearly puts the 'end' in 'friend.'"

"Your Highness--" Moondancer whispered harshly.

"I'm sorry, Moondancer, did you want to take a crack at this? Not to put words in your mouth, but you could say that Her Royal Highness puts the 'amity' in 'calamity.' You are more familiar with Princess Sparkle, after all." Twilight's look of resentment made the whole debacle worth it.

Pointing behind me, Moondancer broke my winning streak. "No, but I think you're quite familiar with the pony behind you."

One of these days, I'd remember to check around to see where Celestia was before I opened my big mouth. Turning around, I bowed. "Your Royal Highness, my sincerest apologies...oh it's you." My expression fell as my gaze came to rest on the pretty pink princess pony and proponent of perfect love, Cadence.

"Nice to see you too, Prince Blueblood." Cadence said primly.

I avoided rolling my eyes. "Sorry, I just thought you were somepony else."

"Like Aunt Celestia?" Cadence asked coyly.

"Like a useful pony." I corrected.

Cadence merely laughed. "We're not foals anymore, Blue. Why don't you put away the venom for one night and try to have some fun."

"Forgive me, Your Royal Highness. I'm not the royal gravekeeper, but I'll try to bury the hatchet deep in the depths of my resentment for you both."

Twilight glanced skyward, irritation plain as her mane. "Classic Blueblood."

"What do you know about me, Twilight?" I asked contemptuously.

She didn't back down. "Well I know that you went out of your way to be the most inconsiderate, unchivalrous prince in all of creation just to get under the skin of somepony who admired you."

I scoffed. "I'm just a pretty face, Princess Sparkle. I'm sure Lady Rarity hardly spares a thought for me. I doubt she actually wanted to get to know the real me anyway."

"Your loss. You counted her out before she ever got in." Twilight said, inches from me.

"Enough!" Cadence glared at me. "Blueblood, if you can't accept our friendship then at least have the courtesy to stay away."

My temper flared at her casual disregard. "This is where I belong! The palace was my home long before it was either of yours. The daughter of a tiny Noble House and the product of common, unremarkable unicorns has less claim."

Moondancer moved between me and the princesses. "Blueblood, we have to get ready to be seated now. Princess Celestia will be here soon and we don't want to cause a scene in front of her guest."

Looking back at the others, Moondancer bowed her head and ushered me away.

The Royal Dining Hall featured the head table proudly upon a dais. The three lower tables were arranged into a horseshoe with the open end facing the head table. After consulting the place settings, Moondancer picked out our names. Our seats were on the end of the horseshoe, to the left of where Celestia would face. When we'd taken place near our chairs, I looked over at her. "I'm sorry, Moondancer."

"For what? Fighting with my friend, denigrating her friends to her face or maybe you're sorry for referring to said friend as a 'product of common, unremarkable unicorns.'" Her tone could cut ice.

I looked at my hooves. "Yes. I'm sorry for all of that."

Even without looking, I could feel the weight of her gaze on me. "I don't understand you. Why would you even come to this event, let alone ask me to come with you? I'm as common-born as Twilight Sparkle. Why don't you hate me as much as her?"

"I don't hate them." I protested feebly.

Moondancer snorted. "Well, you certainly could have fooled me."

At the majordomo's call, I looked up. Princess Celestia entered the dining hall. Everypony bowed or curtseyed as she made her way to the head table.

By all technicality, I should have been placed there. Even as the non-hereditary prince of the smaller Royal Court, I belonged in the upper rungs of Canterlot society. Given my reputation and conflicts with three out of four princesses, though, it wasn't altogether surprising that I was placed at a lower table.

Princess Celestia scanned the room, acknowledging the respect paid to her. Her eyes fell on me and I nearly looked away. Instead, I steeled myself and held her gaze before nodding respectfully. Celestia's gaze lingered a moment longer, her face unreadable as ever, before she finally took her seat. At that cue, everypony present took their own seats. I held out Moondancer's chair, pushing it in gently without the use of magic, as was proper. I kicked Civil's voice out of my head and took my seat.

Halfway through the dinner, one of Celestia's hoof-maidens approached me and curtseyed. I drew my eyebrows together, confused, before I nodded respectfully. "I am commanded by Her Royal Highness to extend an invitation to Princess Celestia's drawing room at the end of dinner to you and your guest."

"My guest and I present our compliments and have the honor to obey Her Royal Highness' command." I replied, restraining my sigh of exasperation. That a spoken invitation would be worded like a written one was just on this side of hilarity nowadays. Then again, things had become lax with Celestia with two extra princesses around. Maybe this over-formality was to make up for the over-familiarity.

"Who do you think instructed her to extend an invitation so formally?" Moondancer asked.

I turned to her, surprised. "Have you not heard about Civil List? She instructed many ponies on the finer points of high society. Her name is second only to her teacher, DeBray."

"As in DeBray's Peerage?" I nodded, curious as to when she ever picked up a book on the Noble Houses of Canterlot.

She read my mind. "I looked through a few editions after you invited me. Oh! That reminds me. DeBray's didn't include the Blood family line until the 147th edition. You're in the most current ones, of course, but I thought maybe your branch came from one of the other houses."

"My line was thought to be lost long before DeBray began compiling his Peerage volumes."

"So, you were raised as a common, unremarkable unicorn?"

"My parents were doctors. They died during an epidemic when I was a foal."

"Oh sweet Celestia, I'm sorry Blueblood. I didn't know."

"My family is descended from Celestia's House. I might have been born in a common home in a common city, but I was destined for more."

"For this?" She asked, sweeping a hoof in front of her.

I looked up at the head table. "And more."

Moondancer looked at me curiously, then her face lit up in understanding. "You don't hate Twilight and Cadence."

I wasn't fond of her knowing tone, but I nodded. "I've said that."

"You're envious."

Pushing back, I threw down my napkin and stood. "I suppose I won't have the honor of obeying Celestia after all." I walked away, exiting the dining hall without a backwards glance.

"Your Highness, please slow down."

"I don't recall inviting you to chase me down."

"I'll apologize." She offered, panting slightly at the effort of following me.

I stopped and turned around. "Go ahead then."

"I'll apologize IF you tell me I'm wrong about--"

"You’re wrong."

"You don't envy Twilight and Cadence?"

"This doesn't sound like an apology."

"This doesn't sound like you're answering me honestly."

"Then let me be clear. There is no way, no chance, not even the slightest amount of doubt in my mind. I do not, have not and will never and am, in fact, incapable of being close to anything anypony might consider envious of those two overbearing, meddling, enfuriating mares!"

"Methinks our dear prince doth protest too much." Luna called from behind me.

"Well, if it isn’t Princess Shrinking Violet!" I said, rounding on her. "Tell me, princess, exactly how do you plan to run your own event when you rarely attend one your sister holds?"

Luna's smile remained in place. "By delegating my responsibilities, of course. Just like I delegated you to attend this dinner for me."

"Your managerial style leaves something to be desired."

"And your sassy, argumentative side is getting in your own way. Weren't you excited to meet Trenderhoof?"

"He sure was!" Moondancer piped up. "We even got invited to Celestia's drawing room after dinner."

"It sounds as if you're leaving another job half-done." Luna remarked.

I narrowed my eyes. "Fine. I'll go back. I'll bug the other princesses or Trenderhoof until I'm kicked out and we'll all have you to thank for this wonderful evening."

Luna nodded. "You're welcome."

Growling, I made as graceful a return as possible. Thankfully, dinner was over at that point and ponies adjourned to go home or to take their place in the drawing room.

Comments

[Pause]

I'm really waiting for this to all blow up in Celestia's face.

[TheAmazingMe]

7191808 I'll admit, I did make a few mistakes. Things got left out or were cut. But I'd like to address a few points that I feel are addressed in the work as it is right now. I am by no means yelling at you or trying to argue; I just want to clarify.

-Blueblood never defended himself, so the fact that he was threatened and even pushed were never brought up. This happened because Blue had no intention of defending himself as his previous experience doing so never worked out and because Luna forgot to give him time to do so.

-"Possibly had sexual motivations for doing it" didn't occur to Blueblood and their friendship isn't even brought up until later chapters. Both grow to love each other. Joe's motivation to get Blueblood to work in his shop comes from Joe's desire to help a pony in trouble, not from any attraction to Blueblood.

-Celestia gave Blueblood to Luna's House because Luna insisted on being responsible for him. The move is spectacularly thoughtless and made in the heat of the moment. Celestia doesn't consider Blueblood's feelings about being sent out of her House and so doesn't consider doing so a punishment.

[Frankie2]

I can understand why Blueblood can't stand Twilight and Cadance, but not because of their position.

I couldn't help it, the bumbling, high society-inept egghead deserved quite a few things, but my Aunt Celestia's affection wasn't one of them.

I think this explains it. How much time did Celestia spend with Blueblood compared to Twilight and Cadance growing up?

I have a feeling the invitation to the drawing room is going to be a disaster. I'm just waiting for Blueblood and Celestia to finally have their inevitable heated confrontation.

[RadicalDishonesty]

Blueblood still seems to think his house is an old lost one... I'm pretty sure that's not true and Celestia lied about it to save an orphan she felt bad for.

And then promptly shucked him off to her assistant, who didn't want to raise a child.

Great job!

And even when Blueblood is becoming more aware of his resentment he still can't treat Twilight and Cadance decently.