• Published 12th Jun 2012
  • 2,979 Views, 70 Comments

The Mailmare And I - MaxBeezy



A Writer travels to Ponyville, and starts an unlikely relationship with Derpy Hooves.

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The Next Step

The word about Derpy and I spread around Ponyville as fast as a sudden plague of cutie pox. What started out as rumors soon became hard facts, when citizens saw us walking through town together, like a couple would. We weren’t fully aware of the town’s interest in us, until one day, when I was walking Derpy to work; we saw everypony in our direction, staring at us, like we were an elaborate parade float. Both of us were caught off guard by this, none more so than Derpy. While I was simply confused, she was more than a little embarrassed. I didn’t know a pony’s romantic relationships were cause for townsfolk to be nosier than they were before.

We couldn’t go anywhere without the eyes of Ponyville watching our every move. Dates became uncomfortable experiences, walks became like scenes in those creepy horror movies where the happy couple gets killed by some slash happy stallion in a hockey mask, only without the killing bit. I wouldn’t be writing this if that happened. We were the talk of the town. Heck, I was expecting us to end up in the paper. Thankfully, that never happened, which certainly shocked me.

Even so, despite all that, our enjoyment of each other never waned. It was simply just an obstacle to get past. After a couple weeks, the talk, and subsequently the stalking, became less and less frequent. We were able to go outside without somepony pointing at us, shouting “There they are!”, or seeing the big eyes of multiple ponies watching us through the bushes in the park.

We weren’t always together, as we did have our days apart. It was getting really busy in the summer season, and Derpy worked longer hours than usual at the post office. I wouldn’t see her for days at a time, and even when I did, she would be exhausted. I decided that I procrastinated enough, and started writing again. It wasn’t easy; I started out like I did when I first moved into town, my brain filled with bad ideas, and trash bin filled with crumbled papers containing those bad ideas.

Slowly, but surely, I got back into the swing of things when it came to writing stories. From my time outside, I was able to concoct tales inspired by those around me. I would take great care to change names, and to exaggerate situations, just on the chance that somepony here reads the paper. What I wouldn’t write however, was anything about my personal life. I figured for now, what I was experiencing, was between me and Derpy.

In a couple weeks, I wrote over a dozen stories in different genres. I still couldn’t get a bead on writing that love story, but I didn’t think I had to, considering that I was currently living one. I wrote a small adventure serial, very much inspired by those fantastic Daring Do novels that I’ve read; six chapters in all. I even wrote a horror story the paper could publish when Nightmare Night rolled around, which was actually inspired by the time my and Derpy were being followed around by the town. Only, the townsponies in the story were flesh eating zombies. I even wrote a small review for Sugar Cube Corner for good measure, praising their delicious treats of all kinds.

I sent every story I could write out as fast as I could. I had been away from the paper for a few months, and I hoped they didn’t forget about me. Sure enough, only a few days passed when I got a letter from my editor in chief. Not only did the paper miss my contributions, but they loved my stories. They were going to post each one every other day, and I would get commission for each paper sold, like I always did when I wrote for them. Bits weren’t that important to me. Being with the Equestrian Sun Times for years, I had more than enough bits to cover for myself for many more, but it was nice nonetheless. Maybe I could use the extra money for something special.

Derpy was happy for me; she even made me a celebratory muffin. Lemon was the flavor; I quite enjoyed it, like always.

We were as happy as we ever could be, but I felt something was missing. Derpy and I had officially been together for over a month, and our time together had been more that fantastic. Our time apart from each other during the busy season made me realize that, I could barely get by without seeing her lovely face greeting me in the mornings, the long walks together, and the picnics in the park. Yes, we actually started doing that recently, when we had a day off.

I was starting to feel like taking our relationship to the next level. Before you say what you’re thinking, it’s probably not that.


One Sunday night, at her house, we sat in the living room watching an old movie, when I asked her the question that had been on my mind for days:

“How do you feel about living together?” I said, rather casually.

She looked at me in confusion. Her good eye looking at me, and the other seemingly looking at the movie. She thought about my question for what felt like minutes.

“But…” she replied, “My house can’t support the both of us. You have so much stuff and…”

“No, not here.” I interrupted, grinning at the same time. “I meant at my house. There’s a ton of room; more than enough for your things, no cracks in the ceiling, and, it’s closer to your work, so you don’t have to wake up so early.”

“I...I don’t want to be a bother.” she quietly said.

“What do you mean?” I laughed in disbelief. “I would love to have you at my house! I’ll even toss out the oven in my kitchen, and replace it with yours. I know how much you love that thing.”

She smiles, silently chuckling.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

She thought for another minute before answering.

“Okay. Let’s do it.” She had fire in her voice. She was more than game. All things considered, that was easier than I thought. Now, all we had to do was move her things, and we’re just two ponies. We were going to need some help.


Asking around town for some good strong ponies to assist us in the move, the townsfolk pointed in one direction, and that direction was towards a large farm called Sweet Apple Acres, where the Apple Family worked. I told that they were loyal ponies, and would assist in any heavy lifting.

While Derpy made her rounds at work, I went to Sweet Apple Acres on my own. Upon arriving, I saw Applejack bucking some apples off a tree. Her kicks were strong, powerful, just what I needed for the move. Not only that, but I saw Big Macintosh there too! I knew it! They were related! Or they were married, and just happened to have apple related cutie marks…I didn’t know.

“Big Macintosh!” I greeted him first. Applejack looked very intent on knocking those apples off the tree, and I didn't want to bother her.

Big Mac however, looked at me with all smiles.

“It’s good to see ya again!” Big Mac yelled, “Lil’ sis! It’s Derpy’s colfriend…" he stopped, completely forgetting my name. "What’s yer name again?” He then asked.

I told him my name again. He swore he wasn’t going to forget it again, making a solemn swear that I came to know as the "Pinkie Swear", which is weird, since we ponies don't have pinkies, unlike those Minotaurs that I see every once in a while.

Just so you know, he forgets my name about four more times in the future.

Applejack stopped her applebucking, and walked over to us drenched in sweat. So, she was Big Mac’s sister. I was so glad I didn’t make a fool out of myself and assumed she was his wife or something, that would have been an awkward situation for everypony involved.

“Hey, I remember you.” Applejack said, “What brings you to our farm?”

“I asked Derpy to move in with me.”

“Congratulations!” Big Mac hugged me with the same amount of pressure he used to hug me when we met. It was too much.

“Ack...please…let me go.” I said, as I simultaneously gasped for air. He does so.

“Sorry…again.” he taps his hoof on the ground, embarrassed for nearly suffocating me a second time.

"It's....okay....happens...to all of us...." I managed to cough out, which provided Applejack with a great deal of amusement.

“That’s great and all, but why tell us?” Applejack asked.

“I asked around who can help me out on such short notice, and the townsfolk recommended you.”

“Well, ain’t that nice of them?” Applejack grinned, filled with pride, “When do you want us to start?”

“Tomorrow, if possible. If you’re busy, we can…”

“No problem!” Big Mac interjected, “We can do it, right Sis?”

“Hay yeah! We’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early!” She spit into her hoof, and reached it out to me.

At first, I looked at the saliva covered hoof with hesitation, but then, without thinking, I spit into my hoof and met hers. It was weird, but I didn’t care at this point.

To say I was ecstatic, would be putting it ever so lightly.


The next morning, Derpy took time off of work to help me and the two Apple Family members out. We removed the furniture, a couple bookshelves filled with cookbooks on making muffins, and of course, her ever so reliable oven. Her stuff was heavy, but with the extra hooves, we were able to move it all out by the time the afternoon rolled around.

As we moved all the stuff into the wagon, which required all of us to pull, I spotted Derpy standing in front of her now empty house. All that remained was the welcome mat on the front doorstep. I walked to her slowly, to see her looking upon the house with sadness.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I had a lot of memories of this place. Some good, some bad. Even so…I’m going to miss it.”

I wrap my hoof around her shoulder, comforting her, bringing her close to me. She looked at me and smiled.

“Are you sure that I can stay at your place?”

“Nothing will make me happier.” I replied.

She leaned up and gently kissed me on the lips.

“Then, let’s get going.” She said, as she grabbed the welcome mat, throwing it into the wagon.

We joined Applejack and Big Mac at the front of the wagon, and rode her items all the way over to my house, where it took mere hours to move her things in.

I was grateful for the Apple siblings’ help. From then on, they became our good friends.


Derpy’s first night in my house was an interesting experience. She was experiencing what I was back when I first slept in her bed. She looked upon my bed with unease, not sure if it was going to be as comfortable as her old bed. I offered to replace my mattress with hers, as we still had it downstairs, but she was adamant that she could do it.

She climbed in, and draped the covers over her, as she got closer to me. It was amusing to see her trying to find her groove, making herself comfortable.

Like we always did when I slept at her place, she held onto my body like it was a large pillow, resting her head upon my chest. Even though we had done this for a while, I never got tired of it.

“How do you like the bed?” I finally asked her.

“It’s…interesting.” she said, “It might take some time getting used to.”

I paused for a few moments, feeling her once again slightly move around on the bed.

“Okay.” I said, “We’ll replace the mattress with yours tomorrow.”

We both shared a laugh. I admit, her mattress was much more comfortable than mine.

“Thank you.” she said, as her eyes became heavier with sleep.

We kissed each other good night, as we spent our first night together living under one roof.