• Published 12th Jun 2012
  • 2,980 Views, 70 Comments

The Mailmare And I - MaxBeezy

A Writer travels to Ponyville, and starts an unlikely relationship with Derpy Hooves.

  • ...


I wish I could tell you that during the entire train ride back to Ponyville, I was nothing more than happy to tell Derpy the news, but that would be wrong. Yes, I left Manehattan earlier than I initially scheduled. Yes, she will be happy to see me, but for how long? I was a colt full of questions in my head, and today was no different. Like I have always done before giving unexpected news, I predict all the bad things that could come to pass. I’m very negative, not a great personality trait to have.

The train made it to the station in about the same time it took to get to Manehattan. Nopony was there to greet me, nor did I expect anypony to. I wanted to surprise Derpy with my early arrival, just before I broke the news to her.

Only a few citizens took notice of my return, Applejack greeted me as I walked through town; Mrs. Cake threw me a friendly wave, and that pink pony who I met when I first came to town, bounced up and down, excited to see me return. I didn’t even know her name, but it was nice to be welcomed back, made me feel more at home than I already was.

I made it home. On the outside, the place looked as clean as it ever did. I even noticed that there was now a small garden of roses where there used to be a patch of dirt before. Big Mac, or maybe Derpy must have planted those there. Roses were her favorite after all, and I doubt Big Mac knew that. I have to say that it did complement the exterior of the house more than I expected, when looking at the big picture. I then realized that I was dilly dallying. I should be in there, greeting her, and confessing my lie to her. I took a deep breath, and walked right in.

Nothing. Quiet. It didn’t look like anypony was home.

“Hello?” I called out. Silence. “Derpy?”

Suddenly, I heard the sound of a plate dropping on the floor in the kitchen. In an instant, I see her, Derpy, her wing still bandaged, but her leg no longer in a cast, hurrying into the living room to see me.

“Y-you’re home!” She squealed with joy. She ran to me, and wrapped her forelegs around me. The embrace was almost as strong as Big Mac’s, but way more comfortable, and less life threatening. She kissed me as rapidly as she did when I left just a couple days ago. “I can’t believe you’re here! I wasn’t expecting you for another day or so!”

“I decided to come home a bit early. Sorry for not telling you ahead of time.”

“No! It’s great! Sorry for breaking one of the plates. I think it was one of yours.”

“It’s fine, I assure you. We have plenty.”

Derpy turned away from me to pick the pieces of the broken plate up, sweeping them into a floor pan.

“Actually, there’s something I want to talk to you about.” I wasted no time to tell her what I was truly up to, “It’s about Manehattan.”

“Oh right! I almost forgot to ask…” she said, “What was the meeting about?”

“That’s the thing…there was no meeting.” Derpy stopped collecting the plate shards, turning to me with a bewildered look on her face. “I never saw my editor.”

“W-what are you talking about?” she replied, “You went to see your editor about some news, that’s why you went.”

“No…it wasn’t. I went to see a doctor.”

“Why? Did you get sick? Is that why you missed your meeting?”

“No, Derpy. There was no meeting. I lied to you.”

Derpy stepped back, crushing the plate shards even further. The look of love on her face was becoming something else; a combination of confusion…and anger.

“Y-You lied to me? Why would you do that? Why was seeing a doctor so secretive, that you had to lie to me about it?”

“Because I didn’t see the doctor for me, I saw one for you.” She raised an eyebrow the moment I said that. It was now the time to come clean. “Her name is Doctor Eagle Eyes, and she specializes in corrective eye surgery. I told her about you, and showed her some pictures, but she can’t make a full diagnosis unless she sees you soon. But, she says that there is a chance to make you better. I wanted to tell you what I was up to before I left, but I was worried you’d say no. I’m really sorry.”

Nothing. No words. Just a cold stare.

“You…want to fix me?” she said. No emotion in the voice.

I didn’t know how to answer that. The way she said “fix”, implied that I was unhappy with her appearance. Still, I couldn’t lie to her more than I have.

“…Yes.” I replied quietly. Her eyes began to water with tears. She was angry with me. She went right up to me, and slapped me across the face. I recoiled back from the slap, and looked right at her. She had nothing to say to me. She pushed past me and was heading for the door. “Derpy!” I cried out, catching up to her before she made her way out.

“Don’t talk to me!” She yelled. In seconds, she stormed out of the house. I chased after her. She was walking out of town, in a familiar direction.

“Where are you going?” I yelled after her.

“I’m going home!”

“Your home is here!”

“No! My REAL home! Away from you!”

“Will you just wait a second, and let me explain myself?”

She stopped and turned around quickly. Her look was that of somepony ready to unleash a barrage of hate on some poor soul.

“Fine!” she yells, “Tell me! Why do you want to fix me?!” Her screams catch the attention of nearby ponies. We were beginning to gather a small crowd of interested citizens.

“It’s not that I WANT to. It’s just…” I paused. I took a chance. “Dinky was concerned about your condition, and…” I felt bad for bringing Dinky into the conversation, but she had to know.

“Dinky?!” she interrupted, “She loves me! She would never say that! How dare you blame your lies on her?!”

“I would never lie about your sister! She’s great! I’m telling you the truth!”

“Even so, you could have disagreed! Not go all the way to Manehattan behind my back!”

“I did disagree with her! It’s just…”

“It’s just what? What is it?! Why did you lie to me?! Did you ever consider that I’m happy with who I am?! It was you who taught me not to care what anypony thought!”

“I know I did! But, if you please…”

“Tell me something! Were you lying to me when you said I was beautiful?”


“Was this some kind of plan? To get me to think that you loved me, and then try to turn me into a normal mare?”


“Then what is it?! Why do you want to fix me?!”

“I CAN’T LOSE YOU!” I screamed. She stopped with the questions. In fact, she just stopped talking. She watched me as I kneeled to the ground, sobbing, begging her to stay. She kneeled to my level, facing me, looking me in the eyes.

“What do you mean?” she said, “What do you mean by ‘lose me’?”

I told her everything. Everything that I have told you that had been racing through my head for the past few weeks, I poured it all out. How I was afraid for her, afraid that one day, she would be injured beyond my care. How I wasn’t willing to accept that she needed help, even after Dinky pleaded to me that day on the Ferris wheel, and then seeing for myself the night Derpy had her accident. I told her how I stayed up all night in the hospital, scared that she was going to die, and that I would have never forgiven myself if she did. I threw in many apologies, asking her to forgive me if I sounded selfish.

During this whole speech, she watched my every move, heard my every word. I couldn’t tell if she was still mad, or even upset, there was nothing on her face. She was a very expressive mare, and seeing her with nothing on her face was breaking my heart. The other ponies couldn’t take their eyes off of us, but I couldn’t even think about them at this point.

When I was done, she didn’t say a word. I sat there, waiting for a response. I was expecting her to walk away, never to talk to me again. I looked to the ground, shutting my eyes tight, unable to bear it if this ended poorly. But then, I felt a foreleg wrap around me, and my chin resting on a shoulder. Opening my eyes, I was resting on Derpy’s shoulder. She was hugging me. When I moved my head to a more comfortable position, she hugged me tighter; knowing that I found out it was her. I could feel her tears pouring on my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” she said, her voice breaking. “I didn’t mean to…”

I returned her hug with mine. Her voice became sobs.

“No…” I said, “I’m the one who lied to you. You have every reason to hate me, right now.”

“I…I don’t hate you.”

The crowd dissipated, now that things were mostly right.

“When do you want to leave?” she asked quietly. I looked at her, surprised.

“You…you want to go?”

“Yes.” she replied, a smirk creeping on her face. “Dinky was right about me, you know. She has a habit of knowing what I’m feeling.”

“It’s a talent that both of you share.” I nuzzled my cheek onto hers.

“You didn’t answer my question.” she continued, “When do you want to leave?”

“Only when you want to.”

“Tomorrow…if that’s okay.” she replied, after seconds of thinking.

We went back into the house shortly afterwards.

That night, we lied in bed like we always had, but neither of us could sleep, neither of us could relax. All we could think about was what will happen when we arrived at Manehattan.

“What will happen if she says she can’t help?”

“I don’t know.” I said. “I guess…we’ll just have to be more careful from then on.”

“Will you still love me if I looked like this forever?”

“What are you talking about?” I was flabbergasted. “I’ve never stopped loving you. Even if you accidentally destroyed town hall, I would still love you!”

“Ummm…..” she mumbled. I looked at her, and her face said it all to me.

“You didn’t destroy town hall, already, did you?”

“It happened a long time ago!” Derpy admitted. “It was an accident!”

I hugged her even tighter, laughing at the image I had in my head of her knocking over the top of the tower.

“Oh, Derpy!” I giggled. Kissing the top of her head.

“It wasn’t funny! Not at the time, anyway…”

As she imagine whatever scenario actually played out, she started to chuckle.

“Can I ask you a question?” she inquired.

“You can ask me anything.”

“Do you think…” her pause was long. I could feel her swallow her breath in a big gulp. “Do you think our foals will look like me?”

My heart beat quickly and loudly. Foals? I never thought about having foals. She heard my rapid heartbeat, and started to stammer.

“I-I mean hypothetically!” she tried to say, “I wasn’t trying to say I wanted foals now, or that I was trying to pressure you or anything, I was just wondering if maybe someday that---oh Celestia, I’m messing this up, aren’t I?” She buried her face in my coat.

“No, no, no!” I said, holding her face to mine, “You’re not messing anything up!” She began to calm. “The truth is…” I continued, “I never really thought about it. I don't exactly think of myself as the fatherly type.”

“Why not? You’ve been so good with Dinky. Any foal would be lucky to have you as their dad.”

“Thank you.” I blushed, “But…my father wasn’t exactly the greatest role model. Neither of my parents were. I’m afraid that if we had a foal of our own, I would follow in those hoofsteps.”

“That’s not true. I think you’d make a great dad.”

“Well, I’d think you’d make a great Mom.”

“Oh really?” Derpy laughed, “The mother that knocks over buildings with her big rump?”

“I don’t know, that sounds pretty awesome to me.”

Derpy playfully smacked my chest in response.

“So you do think I have a big rump, eh?” she says slyly.

“Never! Anypony who says that is crazy…or jealous. Besides, I’m the one with the big rump around here.”

“Not at all!” she said, beginning to blush. “It’s perfectly fine.”

“How did we go from talking about fillies, to the size of our flanks?”

We paused. Simultaneously, we started laughing. This was indeed a strange conversation, but it was at least getting our minds off of what we would be doing the next day. We were relaxed now, more comfortable than we were minutes ago.

"I don't know." she said, "But, I haven't laughed like that in a long time."

I then felt Derpy getting closer to me, moving up my chest to meet my face. She hovered her lips over mine, before planting a soft and lengthy kiss. As she parted from me, I saw her give me a look that was all too familiar. A look I hadn't seen since the night we first slept together.

“I…I think I’m ready.”

She didn’t have to say another word. I knew what she meant.