Discord's After-Mails

by Lise

6. Ok, Discord! You got me!

Discord continued to play with his lighter. Meanwhile, dishes, candles and other pieces of cutlery continued running all over the table. A single innocent letter! That's how it had all started — a nice distraction to keep him engaged for a while. Now, a few days later, he had a pet, a fiancée, his elder daughter was marrying an Element of Harmony, his second was being wooed by some crazy DJ who wanted her to enter the music scene, a descendant of Starswirl was dating his future son via time-travel, not to mention he had been talked down to by a school filly... and there seemed to be a group of mares out for his hide. The irony of it all was that the chain of events was as chaotic as one could wish for. Pity he could find it in himself to fully enjoy it.

The greatest problem, surprisingly, lied elsewhere. Discord had lived through complicated marriages before. There was one thing, however, that he could not tolerate.

"Apologies for my tardiness."Octavia entered the living-room. "I was detained for longer than expected. I'll be with you in a mo—" she blinked several times, "—ment. Discord, since when do you have a dining room?"

"Thirty-one minutes, now." The draconequus checked the watch that appeared on his paw. "I wouldn't have had to make one, if it weren't for the alarming number of uninvited guests!"

There was no denying it. The room which hadn't existed an hour ago had quite the number of occupants. Deliria slumping over the table, as usual. Rainbow Dash — who had most annoyingly chosen to sit next to the draconequus — was engaging in fierce battle with a bread basket. Screwball floated obliviously across her future wife, tossing treats to the albino lion on the floor. And, naturally, there was Twilight Sparkle, who was still in a state of trance — face flushed, eyes wide as saucers, wings twitching.

"Fluttershy has... Fluttershy has..." The Princess kept repeating in loop. Apparently burning Fluttershy's letter had little effect on her state of mind.

"How was your day, dear?" Discord extended a smile.

"Interesting, to say the least." The musician put her cello case against the living-room wall. "I was at Spike and Rarity's dinner date. There was a lot of crying, shouting, Rarity throwing things at me. Everything considered, I think it went well, especially towards the end. Rarity specifically asked me to remind you she despises you and she will be making all dresses for both weddings. She expects you to be at her boutique tomorrow at ten o’clock. Sharp."

"Joy," Discord said flatly.

"And how were things on your end?" Octavia took her seat. On cue, the tableware in front of her obediently froze still.

"Oh, no problems at all," Discord said in the most fake voice possible. "Just one long, boring day. You know how it is."

"You are a dear." Octavia smiled, nearly causing the draconequus to choke.

Damn it, mare! You are not supposed to be so supportive of me! You really are the worst best thing that has happened to me this millennium!

"And as a reward," the musician took out a small black envelope, "you could have this before dinner. Just one, mind. Screwball has had words with me about your issue."

"Oh, really?" Discord glared at his daughter. "How thoughtful of you, sweetie," he grumbled, while fetching the letter.

Just who did they think he was? Some pet they could feed scraps? Still, a letter was a letter. The draconequus tore it up and was about to start reading, when Rainbow Dash's head moved between him and the letter's contents.

"Do you mind?" He pulled the note away. Rainbow Dash grinned innocently and returned to her seat. "Honestly, some ponies have no manners!"

Ok, Discord!

You got me! You really don't have to be petty about it. So what if I've been here and there, under one or other guise? It has nothing to do with you. We split up, remember? We could have had something, but nooo, you had to be with your perfect little doll! Tell me again, how exactly did that work out? Turned to stone, and put in the garden as the trophy husband you are? I must admit Tia had style doing that, but to run off with her after we had been having so much fun together? Guess you never were one of taste. Little Luna, though, that I can understand. Pity she isn't a stallion.

It's laughable how sloppy you've become since your last restoration. Honestly, I have been living as five different ponies in Ponyville even before that unfortunate Canterlot wedding, and you never once spotted me! If it wasn't for your desperate mass mail, you would have never guessed. Typical of you to stoop so low. So you thought hinting I was your ex and boasting that you had daughters would make me lose my nerve? Well, if it's any of your business, I have a husband and three fine daughters as well! That's right — three! And that's even without counting the several thousand hatchlings of my hive! Jelly? Hmm?

I don't know what you are expecting to achieve with your mail, but you better stop! While my husband knows what I am, I might have omitted certain minor details... like the fact that I'm a queen, for example. For both our sakes, I think it would be best for both of us if things remain as they are. Living the simple life turned out to be better than expected. All that fighting and plotting was really getting to me. With the amount of food stored from our last raid my changelings can last for centuries. Besides, let them figure out how to run the hive for once!

Also, I have a grandson! Beat you to that as well! Anything to say? Sure, you can play your little games, pretend you own the world, but we both know you'll get caught by some new little thing, just like last time. Oh, and that doll of yours is rubbish! She couldn't even see through my disguise. Not that I'm mad or anything. You never could handle the best.

Since I'm writing to you anyway, you better stop scaring my girls! They are a bit different from me. (I blame my husband!). For some reason all three seem obsessed with flowers. And if you dare laugh, I'll tie you up in knots, and not in the good way! Every time something happens in Ponyville, they tend to take it a bit too much to heart and faint. I am aware that's an excellent method of gaining sympathy, but it's outright shameful! True, it keeps them well fed and all, and that Doctor is an interesting son-in-law, but fainting? Sometimes I think they are as bad as Rarity!

So, there you have it. I hope you are pleased with yourself! One word about my existence, though, I'll flood all of Equestria with the letters you sent me while we were a couple. Yes, those letters! Sketches included! After that I doubt there will be a pony, griffin or zebra alive that will take you! Who knows, maybe even your lovely doll might turn you back to stone again? And don't get any ideas! I have copies at my home, Town Hall, and three dozen other places, in case you try to pull a fast one on me!

That said, take care of yourself and stay in touch, discreetly.

Chrissy

P.S. Promise me you'll invite me and my kids to any future weddings you and yours might have, and you have my word I'll put an end to the petition I started. I might even consider using my authority as Mayor to make you an honorary citizen of Ponyville.

Discord felt shivers all over his body. Of all places, why did Chrysalis have to choose Ponyville?! A disaster was bound to happen!

"Discord?" Octavia's voice broke the silence that had filled the room. "Is everything all right?"

"What?" He smiled guiltily. "Oh, sure! Everything is fine!" He quickly swallowed the letter. "The letter was a bit bland, that's all. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh." Octavia said in the manner one does when expressing extreme disappointment.

"No, no, no!" The draconequus quickly waves his forelimbs. "It's alright, really it is. I needed a low fat letter. Honest! You've done nothing wrong! It's perfectly..."

"DISCORD!" The front door flew through the living-room and into the wall. Everyone, including Twilight, stared in its direction, as a dark blue alicorn entered. "WE NEED TO TALK!"

Comments

[Skye Mist]

Oh snap, Discord gonna get it! Luna's 'bout to sic 'em!

[PrincessTwilightSparkle1]

What did Discord do to incur Luna's wrath this time?

[Lise]

6926545 For one thing, he never told her about Octavia :)

[Lise]

6926491 Err, maybe she just wants to talk about the weather? O:)

[D48]

Well, that's an interesting backstory to the flower trio.

Also, you failed to name them in the letter so I'm reminding you like you asked. Mayor Mare also sort of qualifies for that, but you did state that Chrissy has the authority of the mayor which identifies the disguise well enough.

[shinigamisparda]

So let's recap:

Discord was married to Celestial and Luna, was tapping Chrysalis, was crushed on by Twilight and Spike, and is now engaged to Octavia.

Damn! D got game!

[meerkat8472]

Okay, my memory is terrible. If I remember right, Spike and Rarity were both interested in Discord, so it makes sense that they would be mad with Octavia (though they seemed to get past that). What puzzles me is why Spike and Rarity were having a dinner date? Also, if it was a date, why was Octavia there?

[Architect of Realities]

Hmmmm, being the spirit of chaos. Wouldn't at some time he had a feminine phase of switching gender? Such as Loki, though likely having older children perhaps.

[ThisIsMyFateNow]

Excellent chapter as usual Lise!!

[DualKitsune]

My god Chrysie is the mother of the Drama flowers?!

[eemoo1o]

6994394
I blame shining.