3. Dear Discord, I am so proud!
"How about this one?" Rainbow Dash pointed at an ivory-coloured envelope.
"The writing’s too neat." Discord barely gave it a glance.
The two had been trying to find a suitable letter to read for the last ten minutes. What Discord found promising, Dash saw as lame. What Rainbow Dash found intriguing, Discord considered lacking chaos. So far they had gone through half the pile and were no closer to reaching a compromise.
"What about..." Rainbow Dash took a large white envelope. Seeing the word YEAH written in large block letters, she quickly put it away. "Hay, this is lame!" She crossed her forelegs, annoyed. "We'll never find anything to read!"
"Well, if somepony had an ounce of good taste and stopped rejecting letters based on envelope colour and thickness, we might have read a few letters already!" the draconequus grumbled, throwing another three invitation responses out of the window.
"Oh, yeah?" Rainbow rose to the level of his eyes. "Well, if someone wasn't choosing only lame letters, we could have finished them all by now!"
"Oh, is that so?" Discord growled. "If you weren't marrying Screwball, I would tie your wings in a bow and throw you in an gerbil farm!"
"Well, if you weren't Screw's dad, I would—"
"You know what? This was a bad idea!" Discord grabbed another stack of letters. "We can't stand each other, you have appalling taste, we will never see eye to eye!" Several dozen eyes appeared all over Discord's body, glaring at the pegasus. "It would take Fluttershy to get us to agree on anythi..." his voice trailed off.
Both of them looked at each other, coming to the instant realization, then rushed back into the piles of letters. Envelopes started flying about the room like confetti, until a single victorious yell ended it all.
"Found it!" Rainbow Dash shouted, waving an elegant yellow letter in front of Discord's face. The smugness with which she did so was enough to cause the walls around them to crack.
"Oh joy," Discord deadpanned. He strongly would have preferred to be the one to find the letter, and not that smug egocentric misunderstanding of a pegasus. Still, now they could finally start reading something.
Dear Discord,
I am so proud! You really deserve to find somepony to love, and I think Octavia is just the one to make you happy. I, and all the animals here, are so very happy for you. We even have composed the perfect song for your wedding. Birds from all over Equestria will be there to sing the most beautiful melody for my very best friends. Angel Bunny is still a bit grumpy because Rainbow Dash trimmed his tail too short, but I am sure that in his heart he is happy for you as well.
Ever since the Grand Galloping Galla I've been so worried about you. The way you reacted when I invited Tree Hugger, I feared you might have developed something of a crush on me. Yes, it is true that I gave you a chance when the girls wouldn't, but I never felt for you in any other way than a dear friend that had lost his way. Now that you and Octavia are together I am so relieved. You see, there is somepony else that sets my heart aflutter, although I haven't told her yet. I'm not sure I will. Oh how I wish I could be brave like Rainbow Dash or Octavia. They both just said what was on their hearts and they are already getting married.
Um, please tell Screwball I'm sorry. I know how much she and Rainbow Dash wanted me to be your wife, but it would have never worked. I will still be their best mare, if they will have me. I'm not particularly sure if it's okay to have both partners have the same, but they both asked me and I couldn't refuse! This really is confusing. Actually, I think I'll bring Angel along and he could be best bunny as well. Screwball really enjoys playing with him, and I am sure that deep in his heart, Angel enjoys it as well.
Have you thought of having a pet? I know what Octavia would like. We have talked a lot about it in the last few months, mostly while she was asking questions about you. Actually, that is how we became friends — she came to my cottage one day, told me she had feelings for you and then started asking me all those questions. Sadly, I fear Screwball might not like her much. They hardly talk when they are together, even if Deliria is around. I honestly hope the two of them get along.
I guess I should also ask what Screwball wants for a pet. Could you please ask her for me? So far, each time we try to talk about it, Screwball seems to lose focus and starts talking about something else. Also, please tell Octavia that for the first three months she'll have to feed Blinky twice per day, not more.
Discord, I'm really sorry for asking you this, but do you think you could maybe help me with getting together with my special somepony? I tried telling her many times, but the words refuse to come out of my mouth. Even when I try to write to her, my wings freeze and my hooves start shaking. What if she thinks I'm not good enough for her? Or if she already has a special somepony? I am so scared! Please tell me what to do!
Your dear friend,
Fluttershy
P.S. Please don't tell Twilight the way I feel about her. Please? I'm too afraid to think what might happen.
"Whoa." Rainbow Dash managed to say, her eyes still looking in the direction of the last paragraph, even after Discord had folded the letter and put it aside.
Amateur, the draconequus snorted arrogantly. You wouldn't make it through three letters, let alone more!
"Is all the stuff you get like this?" the pegasus could hardly move, her wings twitching ever so slightly.
"Mostly," Discord replied as casually as possible, polishing his claws in his chest. "Some are better. Want to have a go at another?"
Mouth wide open, Rainbow Dash just nodded. This is perfect! Discord thought. Now not only was he going to enjoy another letter or ten, but he was also going to reduce Rainbow's mind to mush in the process! He couldn't have asked for a better outcome! All he had to do was—
"I very much appreciate the talk, Screwball," Octavia's voice approached from the staircase. "And I am quite confident that we have come to an understanding."
"Have fun with dad," the chaos pony said, floating beside her, as the two entered the living room. "Come on, Dash, we're leaving."
"Aww, Screws." The pegasus looked at her with the disappointment of a hurt kitten. "Can we stay for just one more letter? They are real—"
"Dad!" Screwball glared at her father. "Did you let Dash read a letter? Things are bad as they are without you having to teach her your bad habits!"
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Discord replied innocently, a halo appearing over his head. "I was just reading a letter from my dear friend Fluttershy. I had no idea that your pegasus had a letter addiction, and now that I know I shall not stand for such a lowlife to marry my eldest daught—"
"And don't forget to buy food for Blinky." Screwball added, grabbing Rainbow Dash by the wing and pulling her towards the window. "See you, Octavia."
"Goodbye, Screwball." The earth pony waved. Behind her, Discord started blinking morse code.
Food for Blinky? What in Tartarus is a Blinky?
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Blinky is apparently something from the Simpsons?
6910084 It's just the name of Octavia's pet
Thanks for the update!
6910094 :) my pleasure :)
Welp, Flutters is screwed. She may have asked Discord not to tell Twilight, but Rainbow knows too now and will almost certainly do her best to help. This is going to be a total disaster, but at least we can laugh about the steaming mountain of fail.
6910100 Why so negative? :) Rainbow can keep secrets! Especially since she has one of her own to be revealed in the next letter :D
I bet Blinky's a snake. That sounds like the name of a snake. Either that or one of those weird tree monkey things with the enormous eyes.
6910106 Sure she can keep secrets, but Flutters explicitly asked for help and then asked Discord not to say anything without mentioning Rainbow. That obviously means Rainbow is going to use the clear loophole to help her friend out because helping her friends is important to her, but her adorably overenthusiastic self and complete and total lack of tact are a recipe for disaster here.
6910121 :) A hint will be provided in the next letter. :D
6910100 Plus Twilight has a thing for Discord, also Rarity though she could likely 'generously' set twi and flutters up so that she could steal discord from Octavia. Which Twilight could see through and instead reverse that plan to get at Discord, though they both are rather dense at some things.
6910092 Well...
http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Blinky
6910122 Let's say that Rainbow is likely to have bigger problems in the near future :)
6910143 That could definitely hinder her misguided attempts to help, although it is also possible that she could use Flutters and Twi as an excuse to avoid dealing with her own problems depending on the details of the situation.
6910254 What was shocking this time? :)
6910275 Only that I loved every chapter thus far lol
6910325 :)) Hope the remaining 4 are as amusing :D
6910351 Good stuff... The only thing I hate is that they are all separated lol, I have to go hunting for them to read after the last chapters published, but I've managed to keep up thus far so keep it up. I'll keep reading until the end.
Another excellent chapter Lise!
You know there might be real world three eyed fish
6910367 :D And Discord loves you for it, I am sure :)
6910717 :)
6911261 I can confirm the pet isn't a fish :D
6911970 ok
6911970
The only Blinky I can think of is Death's horse from Diskworld