Discord's After-Mails

by Lise

5. Dear Admirer 4-9-19-3-15-18-4

"Back in a few hours, she said," Discord grumbled. "Needs to return a favour, she said. Meanwhile I'm stuck with a huge albino lion that could have its ass handed to it by Fluttershy's bunny!"

In front of him, lying peacefully on the floor, the huge animal purred. When Discord had initially opened the crate, he had been so hopeful. Finally a creature that would wreck the house properly and not in the depressing orderly way Deliria did! he had thought. Alas, he had forgotten who had chosen said pet.

Blinky was, in reality, nothing but a disgustingly cute kitten in the body of a one ton beast. It stood to reason that Octavia would like it, but as far as Discord was concerned it was a waste of space.

"Can't you at least roar a bit?" He shoved it with his leg. Blinky obliged, then went back to purring. "It even listens to what I say," the draconequus ground his teeth. If only Octavia didn't like you so much!

The house had gotten quite empty all of a sudden — no Screwball, no Deliria, no Octavia... just a misunderstanding of nature acting as a carpet. On the plus side, that meant no one was here to complain that—

"Discord!" A yell filled the room, along with a flash of purple light! "How could you! I knew it was a trick all along! To think you would go to such length for a laugh! And to think I believed you!"

"Hello to you too, Princess Sparkle." Of course she would arrive at the worst possible time. And furious at that. So much steam was coming from her nostrils that she could challenge a locomotive to a steam-making contest and win. "What can I help you with today?"

"Help? Help? Help?!" Twilight shouted. "I was preparing to break the news to my friends about our relationship when they beat me to it! You lied when you said you loved me! Not only that, but then I learn that you are already engaged to Octavia, of all ponies, from an invitation to your wedding" She paused to take a breath. "Now, I'm a reasonable pony, but—"

"Fine." Discord snapped his fingers, annoyed. An apple appeared in Twilight's mouth. "Read this." The draconequus shoved a letter in her hooves, before she could spit the apple out. "Start from the bottom paragraph."

For a moment Twilight seemed she would explode with rage. A split second later all that anger had gone. Her face quickly turned bright pink as she focused on the letter, completely ignoring the apple in her mouth.

"Good riddance." Discord frowned, then snapped his fingers again. An elegant blue envelope appeared in front of him. Opening it, he started reading.

Dear Admirer 4-9-19-3-15-18-4,

You are quite fortunate to receive a reply from the Great and Powerful Trixie herself. Usually, Trixie doesn't resort to responding to fan-mail, but due to your extreme interest and dedication, Trixie has graciously accepted to do so.

Trixie must admit she was unaware of you having daughters. The matter never came up during her conversation with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. You are no doubt aware that Trixie is in close business relation with the Princesses and is consulted on a daily basis regarding important Equestrian matters. (Trixie could tell you details, but then Trixie will have to cast you in stone for fifty years.)

Trixie would also like to inform you that you are deeply mistaken. Trixie has not been at the Gala. And if you are to claim otherwise, you are most mistaken. Trixie is, however, familiar with the chaos you did during the event, and commends you for it. Your stage debut was quite poor, but Trixie understands your intentions. With enough practice you might be able to reach Trixie's level in a few hundred years. The important thing is to not stop practicing.

As much as it would break your heart, Trixie would have to decline being your love interest. Although Trixie is used to being the target of adoration, she has high standards, and you, unfortunately, are far from them. Trixie has already rejected advances made from Prince Blueblood as well as a host of other dignitaries, and would like to make it clear that at this point in time she must focus on her career. It might also be of some concern that Trixie's ancestor is Starswirl, who, as far as Trixie is aware, sent you to other dimensions several times in the past. Trixie would also like to ask that you tell Screwball and Deliria to stop asking Trixie to send them to other worlds! There is no way for Trixie to do that without Princess Celestia's mirror, to which Trixie has no access! Trixie would especially like to ask you to remind Deliria that dream bribes will not work! Especially since Trixie is not involved in any dream-weaving under the tutelage of Princess Luna.

However, in her benevolence Trixie will not send a portable media player and 128 GB of songs to Deliria. Also, Trixie will not remind that the warranty must be kept as is! Furthermore, Trixie will not share photos of her, Screwball, Deliria and Rainbow Dash at the karaoke club. And Trixie would definitely not remind all ponies concerned that they are fully grown mares, and should they wish to visit other clubs, that is perfectly all right and permission from you is not required! (On that note, Trixie would like to randomly extend an invitation to Octavia, whom she barely knows, not to have her bachelorette party in a specific dimension Trixie has chosen, especially since Trixie has no way of taking her there.)

Trixie would also like to potentially congratulate you on your beautiful foal and stallion, if she could. Trixie has absolutely no idea how charming, refined and outright gorgeous your son would turn out to be (since Trixie never learned to user her ancestor's time spells). Rest assured, Trixie has no intention of dating, proposing and marrying Resonance, especially since she hasn't gotten Octavia's blessing. Trixie also promises to do nothing wild while with your son.

Ultimately, Trixie has no idea what she is writing about and graciously invites you to burn this letter once you read it and swallow the ashes.

Thank you for your attention, Admirer 4-9-19-3-15-18-4.

Your mail and opinions are important to Trixie.

The Great and Powerful Trixie Lulamoon

P.S. Princess Luna will not confirm what has been written in this letter.

"Ha!" Discord shouted. "As if I'll fall for that! Dimensional rifts, time travel, secret missions! Utter nonsense!"

Beside him, Twilight kept re-reading the letter he had given her, face still red, wings up and twitching. Meanwhile, Blinky stretched on the floor, yawning loudly.

"Some support you two are!" The draconequus frowned.

"Mmm, Dad." Deliria walked in, heading towards the staircase. "Nice that step-mom got that pet."

"It's not our pet!" Discord shouted furious. "It's only here for a while! And Octavia isn't your step-mom!"

"Whatever, Dad," the chaos pony sighed deeply. "What's with Twi?"

"Oh, she's stuck in a reading-loop." Discord waved a paw totally disinterested. "The important thing is—" He stopped. There was something attached to Deliria's ear, a sophisticated electronic device to be precise. "Is that a media player you have? Mind telling me where you got it from?"

"Nowhere." Deliria slowly made her way up the stairs.

Discord waited for a few seconds more, then set the letter he had been reading on fire. After some slight hesitation, he then did the same to the letter Twilight was holding.

Comments

[Architect Ironturtle]

Care to enlighten us which scroll Twilight happened to be reading? It would be funnier if we knew what she was reacting to.

[TheDriderPony]

Logically, I'd assume Twilight is reading the original letter that started all this... but then again, Logic fled this story long ago.

[D48]

6914399 6914407 I'm 99% sure that is Discord helping Fluttershy get together with Twilight as requested in the letter while simultaneously staying true to the "don't tell her" bit.

[Skye Mist]

Oh, Twilight.
And really, Discord, you had to burn that letter too? That one was actually interesting.

[Architect Ironturtle]

6914408 See? That makes it a ton funnier. Also, it would only take a line or two to identify the letter.

[D48]

6914420 Yeah, there have been a few cases of failure to properly identify ponies in this series besides the one that was supposed to start it all. The most irritating was the fact that Octavia was never actually named in the reveal at the end of the last story even though Discord sees her and recognizes her, but it isn't the only one.

[ThisIsMyFateNow]

Oh brilliant. I love angry Twilight becoming embarrassed Twilight. Took me a moment to figure out who's letter she was reading

[bloons3]

10: READ
20: GOTO 10

[Darkest Dreams]

When you read the chapter title and instantly know what the number code is... I'm such a nerd. On a side note, Twilight is really stupid if she thought Discord was proclaiming love for her. Why did everything think the mass mail letter was directed at them? It was a mass mail, everypony in Ponyville got it.

[Lise]

6914217 Even the Mayor isn't that harsh :)

[Lise]

6914399
6914407
6914408

Aww... Indeed, it's Fluttershy's letter. That's why Discord said that she start from the bottom paragraph.
I'll try to make things clearer in future.

[Lise]

6914420
6914432

Sorry :( Let me know of the other instances and I'll try to clarify in comments.

[Lise]

6914434 Twilight is one of extreme emotions... :)

[Lise]

6914521 :D
What is that language? 8-bit Basic for the Apple II? :P

[Lise]

6914704 :) That's the problem with mass mails - everyone gets them first :)
Also, Trixie knows where you dream *ominous music*

[Keradon]

6914414

I'm... missing something here. Which letter was that?

[Lise]

6915274 Letter 3 :)

[Keradon]

6915284

(The moment the variables are presented) -
(The moment when 2 and 2 are placed side by side) -
(The lovely moment when you get 4) -

[JakeTheRipper]

6914434 who's letter is she reading?

[ThisIsMyFateNow]

6915470

Fluttershy's. At the bottom, in the PS, she mentions her crush on Twilight

[PinkiePieFox]

6915480 Discord is so dastardly!

[ThisIsMyFateNow]

6915650

True. But, he didn't actually tell Twilight. So, he was able to respect fluttershy's wishes and still create the chaos he loves so much by letting Fluttershy essentially tell Twilight.

[PinkiePieFox]

6915654 I know! Isn't it wonderful?!!!

[ThisIsMyFateNow]

6915664
Such delicious chaos!!

[Darkest Dreams]

6914792 good, I like Trixie. I always love a third pony talker.

[Lise]

6917402 You can check in the next chapter :)

[Vibrant lies]

that could its ass

Uhh...