1. My Dearest Ex-Husband
Discord tiptoed quietly into the kitchen. This was definitely a first for him. Usually he never bothered walking or being discreet. Last night had been different — a nice, long, semi-chaotic cup of tea with a pony he had, for all intents and purposes, just met five hours ago. Quite the unique blend of chaos and harmony, he had to admit. Way different from his tea parties with Fluttershy, and absolutely nothing in common with Celestia's breakfasts. Never before had he met a pony that spoke so much while being quiet.
"Hey, Dad," a voice behind him startled his eyes out of their sockets. "I told you not to overdo it with the scrolls."
Discord grumbled. If anything, he absolutely despised being admonished by Screwball. She reminded him too much of her mother.
"I see she is here." A note of disappointment echoed in Screwball's voice.
"Now look here, young lady!" The draconequus turned around, his paw in the air. "I will not have you—"
"We've settled on a date for the wedding," the chaos pony interrupted, completely ignoring him. "Dash is a hothead, but I convinced her to have it after winter wrap up. Meanwhile, I'll be moving to her place."
"Wha... huh?!" Discord managed to ask. Where did that come from all of a sudden?
"We'll be seeing Mom later today, so try not to cause any chaos after four." She gave him a disapproving glance.
"No chaos after four?!" What am I, a chaos whelp?! His mane burst into purple flames. "If you think you—"
"Oh, and Mom sends you this." Screwball tapped her forehooves together, causing a golden scroll to pop up in front of the draconequus. Instantly the flames faded, as he scrambled to catch it before it hit the floor.
"I'll go get my novel collection." Screwball floated towards the staircase.
"Just great!" Discord grumbled. "I have a mare in the bedroom, my daughter is full of herself again, and Tia's sent me a scroll to let me know her thoughts on the matter." He sighed, unrolling the scroll. "Might as well get this over with."
My Dearest Ex-Husband,
Finally! I never thought I'd see the day! Glad to see you have matured at last, and decided to act like a responsible being for once. It was high time, too! I am overjoyed that all those centuries of playing with dolls have finally come to an end. And no, they are not "action figures", "collectibles", "volunteering participants", or any other random term you constantly keep inventing. Nothing is a greater turn-off than a doll collection, as you should have figured out during the divorce.
Granted, I am a bit surprised that nothing worked out with Fluttershy, but I do approve of your current fiancée. I have known Octavia for over five years and have only the best to say about her. She does have superb taste in music and literature, all the further confusing me how she managed to fall for you. Then again, so did I once, thus love must really be blind. It goes without saying, but if this ends up being another of your absurd schemes to get me jealous, I will be seriously upset! We're finally on good terms again, so let's keep it that way.
I expect Luna has inevitably learned of your engagement by now, but I still recommend you tell her yourself. You know how she can be — poor thing still keeps all your letters hidden on the moon. She thinks I don't know, but it's obvious as day, if you would forgive the pun. She still hasn't gotten over the breakup, even after her disastrous affair with that Sombra colt and her banishment to the moon. Now, I say this with extremely kindness and care — if for a moment you take her back to her unhappy place, our daughter will have me lead her down the aisle instead of you. Make of that what you will.
Now to the bad part. Sending a mass mail categorically was your worst idea yet, my dear. Please tell me, by what twisted logic did you think this would turn out all right? Ignoring your cake comments, your letter has caused quite the mess — the mailing service is overwhelmed with letters, the mayor of Ponyville has started a petition to cast you in stone for "showing inappropriate material to minors", and a group of mares are plotting their revenge on you. Bravo, Discord, bravo indeed! Oh, the press is having a field day as well. When they learn that Octavia is your special somepony — and believe me they will in less than a day — her picture will be all over the newspapers and not in a good way. Of course, I'll use my position as Royal Princess to lend a hoof and keep the situation from exploding, but the poor mare will have a few difficult months. Good thing she seems to be prepared for that.
Twilight Sparkle is another matter I will have to resolve for you. For some reason my faithful student seems to be under the impression that she is the target of your affection. Once again, I say "bravo". Already I've received several reports of her sighing at pictures of you in her library. I hope for your sake this isn't a repeat of the Luna situation. And I certainly hope I don't see her fly off to the badlands only to return with some unsuitable stallion bent on Equestrian domination. If that happens, I'll fix the mess, like I always do, and then you and I will have words.
Congratulations once again, for finding a magnificent fiancée.
All the best,
Tia
"Uh oh." Discord gingerly rolled the scroll up again and swallowed heavily. Celestia approved of his relationship? This couldn't be good. The last time she wholeheartedly approved of something he did was—
The sound of a wardrobe crashing to the floor above made him forget his though. A short while later more noises followed.
"Deliria, will you stop destroying your room?!" Discord shouted glaring angrily at the ceiling. "Daddy really isn't in the mood right now!"
"It's not me, Dad." The dark chaos pony walked into the kitchen with the slow, yet determined step of depression personified. "Sis and her pegasus are playing kissy in her room again.” She climbed on a chair and sighed deeply, as if burdens of the universe itself weighed heavily on her.
"What?!" Discord shouted, tearing off his horns. "Screwball and that element are what?!" Discord stormed out of the kitchen. Hardly had he done so, when he suddenly froze, coming to the realization. "What do you mean 'again'?" He teleported back in front of Deliria.
"I really hope Sis moves out soon." Deliria relaxed her head on the kitchen table.
"How did that rainbow thing even manage to get here?!"
"Dunno." The chaos pony shrugged lifelessly, as the sound of something else crashing above, filled the kitchen. "Sis is into wings now. She's still not used to them much." She explained with the type of monotony one reserves for reading tax forms. "I'm going to the bottom of a lake, or something." She started sliding her hoof along the table back and forth, in the futile attempt to reach the fruit bowl in the centre of the table.
"Oh, for the love of...!" Discord rolled his eyes, then pushed the bowl in front of his daughter.
"Tavia is dreaming of you, by the way." Deliria took a single grape from the bowl and started rolling it disinterested about the table. "I cast a silence spell, so the noise doesn't wake her up. Also, you have mail."
Discord facepawed. He had nothing against some good chaos, but this was crossing the line. Why couldn't Deliria find a nice young mate? She could definitely use one... unlike some other daughters he had! Grumbling, the draconequus went to the door and pulled it open like a curtain.
"Who is crazy enough to deliver mail here at this time of—" he abruptly stopped.
"Hello, Dash and Screwy!" an all too familiar blond cross-eyed mailmare shouted cheerfully. "Congratulations on the engagement! Woo hoo!" Her saddlebag fell off, spilling letters all over the ground.
"Oh." Discord narrowed his eyes. "It's you."
"And congratulations to you too, Mister Discord!" Derpy shoved a second saddlebag of letters into his paw. "Tell me if you need help sending out invitations for your wedding!" She smiled widely, then flew off into the chaos.
Discord swallowed. One full saddlebag of letters in his paw, another on the ground... maybe sending a mass reply to the whole of Ponyville wasn't the best of ideas.
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Brilliant! I'm looking forward to the "angry group of mares" :D
As usual, another excellent story Lise!
Any woman who can't appreciate your action figures is no good, he doesn't need that kind of negativity in his life.
It continues! Oh oh some family tension induced cabin fever. Also kinda harsh there Celestia. Action figures are cool. Gotta love that wall-eyed mare. Well as they say, "What goes around comes around."
10/10
6899807 You and your love of drama :P
I'll say one thing - there are 3 of them :D
6900007 Well, he's likely to get a bit more in the short term O:)
Then again, he never did like RD :D
6900113 :) They are on speaking terms, at least :)
6900203 :) Glad you enjoyed :D
6900211
I remember which three. I can't wait
6900229 Or do you? *ominous music*
i hate this because discord not on top and doing whatever he wants, but i love this because discord constantly being thrown for a loop.
so i basically love a hate this for the same reason.
that confuses and annoys me, have a like.
6900328 :) Thank you :D That's what chaos is - complicated.
I like it!
6900399 :) The ride is likely to get stranger :)
6900404 Good!!!
6900267
I... think I do?
Looks about in confusion
6900359 chaos is simple in its complexity, an ever changing algorithm of creation.
much words, all meaning, many wow.
This feels like to be on the eye of the hurricane, you think for a moment that is over, but Destiny says "head's up, bitch!" and hit us again.
Man, Discord is the punching bag on this season...
Keep it coming ^u^
6900952 Question is who is scarier - Celestia or Screwball? :)
Oh lord, if Celestia approves it... It can only mean she's after the wedding cake.
6901334 :) Well after what Pinkie plans to do for Dash's wedding cake, can you blame her? :D
Fiancée? Wow, that was fast.
Also, other daughters?
Is that a typo, or Discord is more prolific, than expected?
her her
One two many hers
Okay, a few questions:
1) Why does Screwball disapprove of Octavia?
2) What happened the last time Celestia approved of Discord's actions?
3) What does Discord have against Derpy?
7042882
1) “Bland” grey
2) Her marriage to Discord
3) Probably something completely ludicrous and nonsensical.
Okay, but Celestia claiming she always fixes the mess is actually rich