During the war between Equestria and the Crystal Empire, the mane six get captured. Horrors await, as each of them is 'personally' interrogated by King Sombra.
Imagine an ending where Sombra finds the Crystal Heart, destroys it, and turns the Mane 6, Shining, the Princesses, and the whole of Equestria and the outsider nations into what he is.
Comment posted by MrDestiny80 deleted Jan 24th, 2016
6867101 6866164 Thank you very much for the feedback, both of you.
Initially I though it would be easier for users to read it like this, because they clearly could see when a dialogue would appear. But I see that is not the case.
I will fix it right away and take your advice for future chapters. Thanks a lot!
6867224 Your welcome, but that's what the quotation marks are there for. They let us know when a character is speaking, unless it becomes useless on certain dialogues. Please forgive me for not mentioning this before, but it slipped my mind. If you are, so happening, using dialogues that involves a character speaking into another character's mind such as telepathy, talking to themselves inside their own mind, or outside dialogue like in the very first chapter. For example, when some unknown character said, "It had returned!" Use italics, instead. They are much less harsh than the bold, and they let readers be aware it is a speaking of thought; not character talking to a character, or a character talking to himself. Italics could also be added to poems, Journal or letter entries the character is writing, parts of something from a book a character is reading that is necessary to the plot, or on a certain word in a sentence that makes it an eye catcher, but not popping out too much like on a view words that I did earlier. It is possible to add bold on a title to a letter or journal, but like I said. Unless it is used for a stronger way to show that a character is yelling, either in anger, or screaming in panic, leave the BOLD alone!
6869132 Another excellent piece of advice. Already made some modifications accordingly. In the prologue everything is supposed to be narrated, so I will leave it as that. Thank you very much. Glad to see you are enjoying it. I will try to update it close to once a week
6865745 Really enjoying this so far, keep up the *cough* clop-tastic work! I almost passed out reading this, it was so..excitable? Erotic? AWESOME? I suggest Sombra's minions use the mane 6 as their personal...fun slaves. The end can be the mane 6 are all mothers of Sombra's children. Just a suggestion, but I would like it. :D
Just started reading this and, I have to say, it is pretty intense. Well done, I'm loving it so far.
Also, "This IS going to happen … and no matter what you do, no matter how you squirm … there is NOTHING you can do to stop it!" - Slade ... I see what you did there
Well. That was depressing, and a little terrifying. I've only seen one other story that went into such... soul-tearing detail about the feelings of a rape victim, and that was also a Sombra-on-Twilight story... jeez. Well-written, both of them, but it makes it hard for an honest TwiBra shipper!
Of course, my interpretation of Sombra is rather different. Not that this ruins the story for me - I've long ago made my peace with other writers' versions of Sombra, since he's always been such a... highly interpretive character.
Imagine an ending where Sombra finds the Crystal Heart, destroys it, and turns the Mane 6, Shining, the Princesses, and the whole of Equestria and the outsider nations into what he is.
6865691 Stick around and see where the story goes ... ^_^
I'm hoping for the ending in which he finds the heart and turns the mane 6 into his personal concubines
6865757 NO! I didn't actually want that to happen!
6867101
6866164
Thank you very much for the feedback, both of you.
Initially I though it would be easier for users to read it like this, because they clearly could see when a dialogue would appear.
But I see that is not the case.
I will fix it right away and take your advice for future chapters. Thanks a lot!
6867224
Your welcome, but that's what the quotation marks are there for. They let us know when a character is speaking, unless it becomes useless on certain dialogues.
Please forgive me for not mentioning this before, but it slipped my mind. If you are, so happening, using dialogues that involves a character speaking into another character's mind such as telepathy, talking to themselves inside their own mind, or outside dialogue like in the very first chapter. For example, when some unknown character said, "It had returned!" Use italics, instead. They are much less harsh than the bold, and they let readers be aware it is a speaking of thought; not character talking to a character, or a character talking to himself.
Italics could also be added to poems, Journal or letter entries the character is writing, parts of something from a book a character is reading that is necessary to the plot, or on a certain word in a sentence that makes it an eye catcher, but not popping out too much like on a view words that I did earlier.
It is possible to add bold on a title to a letter or journal, but like I said.
Unless it is used for a stronger way to show that a character is yelling, either in anger, or screaming in panic, leave the BOLD alone!
6869132 Another excellent piece of advice. Already made some modifications accordingly. In the prologue everything is supposed to be narrated, so I will leave it as that.
Thank you very much. Glad to see you are enjoying it. I will try to update it close to once a week
... well... i'm scared for sombra
6865745
Really enjoying this so far, keep up the *cough* clop-tastic work!
I almost passed out reading this, it was so..excitable? Erotic? AWESOME?
I suggest Sombra's minions use the mane 6 as their personal...fun slaves. The end can be the mane 6 are all mothers of Sombra's children. Just a suggestion, but I would like it. :D
6881579 Delighted to here that :). I shall consider it but I hope you stay tuned to see where the story goes ^_^
Can't wait till he gets to Rarity.
6883424 I do to spice things up with references to several movies/series /books etc.
Glad you caught that one. Good eye
Good, but you have to be more careful with your grammar and use of simile.
>He felt like a miner digging a tunnel with his rock hard stallionhood.
This... this made me tear up and burst out into laughter. My sides still hurt. The opposite of the intended effect, I think.
Just started reading this and, I have to say, it is pretty intense. Well done, I'm loving it so far.
Also, "This IS going to happen … and no matter what you do, no matter how you squirm … there is NOTHING you can do to stop it!" - Slade ... I see what you did there
Who is Slade?
7070051 What makes your comment so awesome is that it can be interpreted in multiple ways ^_^
Just in case you don't know, Slade is a character from the DC universe who was a villain in a show called Teen Titans.
However, in that show, "Who is Slade?" was literally the first thing said about that specific villain, so there is a big chance you DO know who he is
Well. That was depressing, and a little terrifying. I've only seen one other story that went into such... soul-tearing detail about the feelings of a rape victim, and that was also a Sombra-on-Twilight story... jeez. Well-written, both of them, but it makes it hard for an honest TwiBra shipper!
Of course, my interpretation of Sombra is rather different. Not that this ruins the story for me - I've long ago made my peace with other writers' versions of Sombra, since he's always been such a... highly interpretive character.
This was an amazing chapter, i hope the rest of this story is even better!
38.media.tumblr.com/c26b20d3523d58572c00a59fabfc6650/tumblr_mtzmeqC16Z1qcga5ro1_500.gif
7200811 Thank you very much, and I must also congratulate you on the exquisite choice in movies
Really hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story as well
Well. That happened.
*deletes all rape-fics from inventory*
I WILL NEVER TOUCH THAT SUBJECT AGAIN.
7043020
I actually hate that line now and I love teen Titans thanks for ruining it!
7070051
That comment also made me remember that DC what's their face cancelled that show FUCK YOU DC
7070051
Also it is literally the best show ever.