Brony in Equestria: The Tacoing

by Omega Dracomancer

Adventures in Russia

I woke up, bored, same as usual. Everything was the same, except for one thing, Luna. She was still sleeping next to me, out like a light.

"Geez, for a Princess, she sure does act un-Princess-like." I said, getting up. "Then again, she really doesn't have any reason too."

I headed into the bathroom, used the toilet, then looked in the mirror. I noticed that I looked different than when I first went into Equestria, older. "Either I just broke a law of science that is completely true and unbreakable, or it was wrong. I loved that law. Matter cannot be created or destroyed, it just sounds so cool. I'm older than when I entered Equestria. Although I couldn't materialize. Guess the universe is nice like that. Me being older, coupled with the fact that Luna is here, makes an unbreakable truth seem like Pinkie got to it. I miss that reality warping pony. Oh well, no use in crying over spilled milk. I'll see them again whenever."

I grabbed a pen from on the table in the room and started to figure mathematical stuff out. I learned that it was going to take us about two weeks to get back home if we flew most of the day at Luna's speed, and maybe a week with mine.

I looked back at Luna, still sleeping. I walked out of the room and put my hand on the ground. The concrete molded itself into a butterfly knife and I picked it up. I flicked it around for a few minutes, then started to get more complicated. I did a few harder tricks, dropping it constantly. I got a few cuts on my fingers, but I ignored them. Clickity-click-click.

Soon enough, a few minutes turned into a few hours. Only then did I realize how early I had gotten up. I pocketed the knife and walked back in. Luna was just getting up.

"How'd ya sleep?" I asked.

"Fine. Where did you go, and how did you get those cuts on your fingers?" she asked.

I showed her the knife and flicked it around my thumb. "We need to protect the briefcase!" I shouted, running back out.

I walked back in a few seconds later and Luna looked confused. "I'm going to pretend that you never did that."

"That's probably for the best. Let's pack up." I said.

I threw our clothes that were on the floor into a corner of the room and said, "Hold on a minute, I'll be back with something to put these in."

I rushed to the nearest store, bought a suitcase, and came back, all in about three minutes. I grabbed the bags and threw everything into it, safe for the winter gear. "Anything I missed?" I asked.

"I don't think so."

I pulled out the knife and flicked it around. "I really like this knife." I said to myself.

We got our coats on and gave the key back to the man who gave it to us. We got some food from a diner, then took off into the air.

I levitated the suitcase next to me and we flew through the air for a while. Eventually we got hungry and stopped for some food and the like in some city. I played with the knife for a while and then we left again. We repeated this until it got dark, then we stopped at another motel.

We walked to the room and I put the suitcase in a corner. Luna laid down and I headed back outside. I jumped to the roof and laid down on it, letting my legs hang over the edge. I spent the next two hours looking at the sky, particularly at the moon.

I felt a tap on my leg and looked down. It was an officer who looked like he would rather be home.

"Evening officer, what seem to be the problem?" I asked.

"We received a tip that two fugitives were staying here tonight."

"And you interrupted me because?"

"To tell you the truth, you were the first person we saw." he said. Then he took out a piece of paper. "Have you seen a beautiful woman with blue hair traveling with a teenager around here?"

"I've seen lots of teenagers around here, but I haven't seen blue hair in years." I lied.

He started thinking, than said, "Why don't you come down from there, son."

I slid off the roof and my knife fell out of my pocket. I reached for it, but he grabbed it before I could get to it. "Is there a problem, officer?" I asked.

He looked at the paper again and then back to me. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs and put them around my wrists. "You are under arrest." he shouted, signalling his friend over.

I looked at the cuffs and said, "Ok."

The door to the room opened and Luna stepped out, rubbing her eyes. "What's with all the yelling, Phil?" she asked lazily.

The other officer cuffed her and she looked at me for the next move. I shrugged and looked at the officers. One led us into the car and the other started talking into a microphone on his shoulder.

"If you wanna search it, go right ahead. Suitcase is in a corner." I said.

They looked at me and one said, "We're not allowed to go through people's things without permission from a parent or guardian, or a warrant."

"Repeat what I said, Luna."

She did and they looked at us, confused. "What's going on here?"

"Gonna take too long to explain and you're not going to believe me." I said.

We got into the car and we were taken to the police station and placed in holding cells. When they had turned their backs, I molded the cuffs around Luna's wrists into a butterfly knife and I unlocked mine. I flicked it around a few times and put it in my pocket.

About twenty minutes later, a man with what I assumed were military medals on came in to talk to us.

"I am general Nikolai Orelov."

"Phil, or Resnov." I said, saluting. 'Awesome name.' I looked at Luna and said, "You too."

"Luna." she said, saluting as well.

He noticed that our cuffs were gone.

"Where are your cuffs?" he asked.

"These are mine." I said, giving him my cuffs. "And this was hers." I pulled out the knife, flicked it around, and gave it to him.

"Where did you get this?" he asked.

I put my hand on the wall, then used my powers to create another butterfly knife. I flicked it around and put it back into the wall.

"Is that limited to just the balisong?"

"Nope."

I did the same thing and made myself a taco. I ate it, then said, "What do you want? Are you here to recruit me, like Wolverine?"

"Actually, yes. That's exactly why I'm here. You can either..."

"Stay here and rot in prison, or join you?"

"Yes, what do you choose?"

"Luna, do you wanna join him?"

"I don't know. I don't know this man."

"That was no help. It truly depends on weather you act for good or evil, because I can get us out of here regardless."

He was silent for a few seconds, thinking carefully about his next words. Finally he said, "We act for the good of the people, and you will be a great asset to us."

"Yeah, alright. We'll join you." I said, fully knowing that he was lying.

"I was just talking about you."

"Why just me?"

"She has not shown any power that could help us."

"Hey Luna, do you think that you could move our moon?" I asked her.

"I could try." she said.

"What are you talking about?" asked the man.

I grabbed her shoulder and said, "This woman can move the moon."

"Are you insane? Moving the moon is impossible."

I stood up and walked past him, picking the knife off of him. I flicked it around and said, "Might as well try."

"Well, I guess so, but don't try any funny business."

He walked out of the cell and motioned for us to follow him. We went outside and a large platoon of soldiers aimed their guns at us. I looked around and decided that they were little threat. Nikolai told them to drop their weapons.

"Hey Luna, move the moon a little, then return it to the exact same place." I told her.

"Why's that?"

"You might destroy our planet. No pressure."

"Well, now you tell me.." she said, giving off a nervous chuckle.

She looked at the moon and started glowing. She raised her hand and moved the moon across the sky as if it were a pebble. She moved it back to where it was and said, "How was that?"

"That was great!" I said, smiling.

I looked at Nikolai, completely awed. "Alright, her too."

"Good, but before I join, we need to do something."

"Which would be?"

"We were traveling to America, I would like to finish the journey."

"I can arrange that, but you will be monitored."

"That's fine. Ya hear that, Luna? We got a ride."

"I wanted to fly there, with you." she said, looking down.

I looked back at Nikolai and said, "That's that then, we can make it on our own."

"What do you mean, make it on your own?" he asked.

I jumped in the air and flew around. "This is what I mean."

"You will be followed then." he said.

"Good luck."

"What do you mean?"

"I can fly for about eight hours straight, going supersonic three times an hour."

"That's impossible."

"See you later."

We flew back to the room and I said, "Dude's lying."

"I noticed that. He's an evil man. Why did you say that you will join him?"

"To piss him off when we leave. He knows that he can't do anything about us. He wants us to think that he can."

"A strategical advantage."

"And quite a good one if it worked."

"Which it didn't."

"Right. Anyways, it's late, and time to sleep."

"You woke me up last time."

"That was the officer, not me."

She chuckled and said, "Oh yeah."

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up and made myself some pancakes, literally. A cake in a pan. "I have no idea what I'm doing." I said to myself.

I looked around and saw a black half-sphere that held a camera inside hanging from the ceiling. It was hidden in a corner. I walked over to it, looked right at it, said, "Not now, we haven't even left yet." Then I smashed it, and went back to making the cake.

"What smells like cake?" asked Luna, waking up.

I showed her the cake in a pan and she said, "Why?"

I shrugged and continued. Three minutes later, I put it on a plate and we ate the cake. It wasn't done yet, but I got tired of waiting. "Cake is cakey." I said.

We got ready and walked outside. I looked around, a white van was parked across the street. I wave at it and said, "We're already being watched."

"That was fast."

"Yeah, they even installed a camera in the room while we were sleeping. It's gone now though."

She laughed and we flew away, the van starting to move our direction.

"Hey Luna, let's speed this up, I don't like being followed." I said, flying under her.

She landed on my back and held on tight. I quickly sped out of sight, then started to slow down. "See anyone?" I asked.

She looked back and said, "Nobody's following us, I think."

"Good."

She got off of my back and we flew at a normal pace. Soon enough, two fighter jets flew near us. I looked on the sides of them, American.

"Stay where you are, Luna." I told her.

We stopped in the air and they circled us. I waved at them, but I don't know if they could see it. I reached into my bag and pulled out a shirt. I changed it into a headset and magically set it to their frequency.

"Permission to resume flying, men?" I asked.

"Permission denied, now how did you get this frequency?" one asked. The other was telling his base about me.

"If you made a landing here, could you take off again?" I asked. I used my powers to force him to tell me the truth.

"We are able to take off again if we land here."

"Good." I said.

I cut off oxygen supply to their engines and gently lowered them to the ground.

They both got out of their planes, holding pistols towards us. I put my hands up and Luna did the same.

"Get down!" one shouted.

We both got on our knees and he asked, "Who are you?"

"Phil." I said, slowly moving my hand to salute him.

"Luna." she said, doing the same.

"How were you in the air like that?"

I opened my wings and he examined them. I looked at their planes and noticed something awesome, Pinkie Pie was painted on the side of one.

"Hey Luna, look! Pinkie!" I said happily.

She looked on the side of the plane and said, "Why is Pinkie on the side of that... machine?"

One of the pilots looked back at the plane, then back to us. "How do you know about Pinkie?" he asked.

"Pinkie Pie is partiest pony."

"Pinkie Pie is best pony." he replied.

"Derpy Hooves is best pony!" I replied.

"Pinkie Pie!"

"Derpy!"

"Luna is best pony!" said Luna.

"Luna is best pony!" I agreed.

"Them's fightin' words." he said. Then we started to laugh and the other man looked at us like we were insane.

"Back to business." I said.

"Agreed." said the man. "What's with the wings?"

I flapped them and hovered in the air for a minute, then fell back to the ground. "That's what's with them."

"Usable wings?" asked the brony.

The other man grabbed my headset and said, "Where did you get this?"

I slowly lowered my hand and placed it on the ground. I made another headset and showed it to him.

"How the hell?"

"Deal with it."

"And how did you get our radio frequency? That line wasn't con-man knowledge."

"Magic, next question."

"You think you're funny, boy?" he asked angrily.

"I think I'm hilarious."

Luna giggled after I said this and the men looked at her. "Sorry, but he's right."

"Listen you two, I don't want any trouble, so if you can point me to America before the Russians find me, that would be great."

"Why do you want to go to America, and why is Russia after you?" he asked.

"I want to go to America because I live there. The Russians are following me because... I stirred up a bit of trouble for us."

"What kind of trouble?"

I stood up, ignoring their threats, and placed a force field around us. "We are currently running from the government, and if you won't help us, I'm not gonna tell you that they're gonna send people to watch me." I said. "C'mon Luna, we gotta go."

She stood up and jumped into the air. "You guys gotta go, or Russia's gonna find you."

I jumped in the air and we flew away faster than they could follow.

LATER

"Today was fun." I said, entering the next area of residence I rented.

"I don't know about that word with this day." she said.

"Fair enough. It's boring here."

"I don't think so."

"You're not the one who lived in this world all your life, my little pony princess."

"That's true, but how can you be bored?"

"I get very bored, very fast. I barely pay attention to any... Did you see that bird?" I asked, looking at a bird.

NEXT DAY

Flying, stopping, eating, no police, flying again, sleep.

Comments

[ynfiltra]

wow such a short attention span no wonder he's bored most times!