Brony in Equestria: The Tacoing

by Omega Dracomancer

Journey to Russia

"What is this thing?" asked a human.

"I don't know what it is, but it came out of the portal." said another.

"I hope you did not injure it. It would be a perfect test subject." said a third, this one in a white lab coat. "Tie it up, make sure that it can not escape."

"Yes sir!"

They took me to a platform in the center of the room. They chained me to it and bound my legs, arms, and even my wings.

"Sir, it has wings, and a horn."

"We can discuss that later. Right now all you are going to do is tie it up."

"Right, sorry sir." he said.

I started to regain consciousness at this point. "What just happened?"

"Hello, whatever you are, I trust that you are safe. I hope that my friend here didn't hurt you." said the one with the coat as if I were a child.

I looked at him and tried to rub the bump on my head. "Why am I bound by chains?"

"It was just a precaution."

"Can never be too safe I suppose. Anyways, no, I'm fine. Stop talking to me as if I were a child, it pisses me off."

"If you say so. Do you know where you are now?"

"If I had to guess, I would put myself in some sort of military base. With the nature of a multidimensional portal, this would be a top secret base, possibly in Area 51, unless of course I'm not in America. Then I would place this area in Russia. Considering your accents and lack of US standard issue military uniforms, I'd say the latter would be more accurate. Was I close?"

"You seem to know about this world." he said, growing a more darker expression, guess I hit the nail on the head. "Alright then, where did you come from?"

"Ha! That information wouldn't help you even if I told you. I mean it, literally."

"Tell me."

"If you say so. I was in a world called Equestria. The dominative species are ponies, such as myself. There are two rulers, sisters. Three main types of ponies are what makes up the species. Earth ponies, which have incredible talent with the land. Pegasus, which can fly. Unicorns, which can use magic. There is another species, alicorn, such as myself. Alicorns can fly and use magic. Only the Princesses, and me, are alicorns."

"Magic? Do you think that this is a game, boy? Tell me the truth!" he shouted.

"Tell you the… I just did!"

"You expect me to believe that magic is real?" he asked.

"I didn't expect you to believe, I knew that you wouldn't."

"Men, prepare the room, I am going to start the operation now." he said, turning and snapping his fingers.

"Operation, what operation?" I asked.

"You'll see." said the scientist.

The men in the room started to get out and connect medical equipment. The scientist got out a syringe and put a liquid into it. "Now, this won't hurt a bit." he said, walking towards me.

"Get away from me." I said, tugging on the chains.

He walked closer and closer until he was right over me. He started to lower the needle.

"I AM NOT A FUCKING TEST SUBJECT!" I yelled, breaking the chains with my magic and smashing my hoof into his face.

He flew back and held his face. He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at my leg. I jumped out of the way of the shot and tore the gun apart with my magic. He hunched over holding the bloody thing that I wouldn't even call a hand anymore and the other men opened fire at me. I created a forcefield around me and dived at one of them, knocking him to the ground and kicking him until he was knocked out.

The other soldier ran to a speaker and called, "Red alert, red alert! All personnel report to the testing chamber at once!"

I dived at him and knocked him out with a swift punch to the face. I grabbed the microphone and said, "Come get me if you can!"

I heard a large amount of shouts coming from down the hall, and I sealed the door by melting it to the frame. I ripped apart the wall and went into the next room. I saw some scientists about to operate on another test subject. They ran towards me, pulling out pistols. I knocked them all out and went to examine who, or what, ever they were going to operate on.

"Help me…" she said weakly.

"Who are you, and why should I help you?"

"Is that you Phil?" she asked.

"Luna?"

"Yes, help me, please."

I broke the ropes holding her down and examined her. I noticed something that I would've been a complete retard to miss. She was a human now, and a beautiful human at that. She also had wings, but no horn. At least the universe gave her clothes that matched her. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I don't know."

"Hmmm. Are you hurt?"

"They kept me here for three days. I haven't had anything to eat. All that they gave me was water."

I tried to suppress my anger after hearing this. "C'mon Luna, we need to get out of here." I said, putting her on my back.

She fell asleep and I ran through another wall, tearing through it as though it were paper. I destroyed everything in my path trying to find a way out. Luna was sleeping away, oblivious to the many armed soldiers around me. They were catching up to me and I wasn't getting anywhere fast.

"That's it. I have had enough." I said.

I blacked out again, and when I woke up, I was outside with Luna still on my back. I was covered in blood and there was a bloody trail of footprints in snow to my position. "Footprints?"

They were indeed footprints. I looked at myself, back to a human form, just no shoes, as horrifying as that sounds. Wings included, luckily. "Gotta get Luna to a hospital."

I looked back at her and she shivered. I took off my shirt and pants and put them on her over her clothes. "Anything that helps is necessary."

I started walking through the snow, leaving bloody footprints as I walked. I had tried to use a heat spell, but it failed. I kept walking through the snow. It was at this point that I realized that the footprints in the snow were bloody because of my own blood, and not anyone else's. "Need to get Luna to a hospital, preferably before we both die in the snow."

It was cold, colder than cold. I pushed onward with everything that I could muster. It seemed that I had made very little progress, and yet, I knew that I was miles from the base. Luna wasn't doing much better. I wrapped my wings around her to keep her warm. Once I passed the hill that I was climbing up, I couldn't feel anything any more and my feet had bloody shells on the bottom.

I got lucky and spotted a town at the bottom of a cliff. I unwrapped my wings from around Luna and jumped down, hoping to glide. My wings were nearly frozen and I crashed into the ground. My left ankle was broken and I had to use my wings to continue moving.

I flew my way to the building with the red cross on it, my feet sliding along the ground. I opened the door with my magic, then fell to the ground. Some of the staff ran over to check on us. They started talking in Russian, and I felt them take Luna off of my back. I felt them lift me and put me on a stretcher, then I passed out.

I woke up in a hospital bed. "Does anybody speak English here?" I asked.

The nurse that was in the room at the time said something in Russian and walked out. Another nurse walked in and said, "Hello, you speak English?" with a Russian accent.

"Yes, where is my friend?" I asked.

"The woman with the wings?"

"Yes, is she ok?"

"She was in much better condition than you were. She is fine. She needs to rest for a while and she'll make a full recovery. She had hypothermia everywhere, stuff like that. You on the other hand, won't be leaving for a while."

"Yeah yeah, I knew that would happen. I bet you're curious about our wings."

"Yes, everybody on the staff are curious about them."

"Well, I can't really help you there. Just treat them as if they were another limb on our bodies."

"That was a disappointment. Now I have another question."

"Why were we so messed up?"

"Yes."

"I walked many miles through the snow without shoes, pants, or a shirt after I gave them to her. We were going to be experimented on in a secret military base a few miles away. I destroyed the base and we made our escape. She hasn't been fed in three days and passed out, so I had to carry her the whole way here. I jumped off of the cliff and broke my foot on impact."

"You jumped off of the cliff?" she asked, shocked.

"Wings." I said.

"Wait, back up. You were captured by the military and destroyed the base all by yourself?"

"Yes."

"You liar!"

"If you don't believe me, than you can go see for yourself. Just follow the trail of bloody footprints starting at the top of the cliff."

"I need to report this, we were told that the placement of the base wouldn't be near the town. Is your information accurate?"

"I don't have any reason to lie to you."

She ran out of the room, leaving me alone with my bandages. "I hope she was telling the truth. I hope Luna is ok. Damn snow, I still can't feel anything."

I couldn't get up or move anything except me head. I looked at my body, covered from head to toe with wrappings. I looked like I just broke a Pinkie promise. I chuckled at my joke, and started coughing up blood. Another nurse walked into the room and noticed my coughing.

"Are you ok?" she asked, rushing over to me.

I couldn't talk, but I managed to stop coughing. She looked in my mouth and wrote something on a piece of paper. "You'll be fine as long as you stop coughing like that. Truth be told, you shouldn't even be alive by now."

"Shouldn't be alive, huh? Lucky me. When can I leave this place?"

"Not anytime soon I can tell you that."

"Just give me an estimate."

"A month, six weeks maybe."

"I can't be in here for that long!" I said angrily. I relaxed and admitted defeat. "Shit."

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do."

"Yeah, I know. Oh well. At least Luna's safe."

"I wasn't informed of her. Anyways, I was sent here to get some information from you."

"What do you need?"

"Standard things. First and foremost, what are the names of you and your friend?"

"My name is Phil Seefeldt, and her name is Prin… I mean Luna." I said.

"What is her last name?"

"It's just Luna."

"Just Luna?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Where did you live?"

"What is the date today?"

"What?"

"The date, what is it?"

"January 16, 2012."

"Wow, the concept of time and space amuses me. I live in America."

"America? When did you travel to Russia."

"Today. Not longer than about three hours ago."

"You've been here for that long and are that messed up?"

"Yeah. Enough about suspicious things, do you have any more questions?"

"Did this Luna person live with you?"

"No, she lived in an entirely different country."

"Which would be?"

"Classified."

"What?"

"Classified."

"You shouldn't keep this information from me."

"And yet I shall."

"I can't force you to tell me, so I'll ask you something else. How old are you, and Luna?"

"Me, 16. Luna, classified."

She started to get angry at this point. "What were you doing in the snow for so long without clothes?"

"That one I can answer. I was kidnapped by soldiers and was about to be operated on to find out about my… wings. I broke free and wrecked the place. I found Luna on my way out and brought her with me. I put my shirt and pants on her and carried her all the way here. Follow the bloody footprints at the top of the cliff and you'll find a large amount of shredded metal and broken bodies."

"If you didn't want to tell me, you could just said so."

"That's true! The base, the destruction, everything about that story is true!" I said angrily. I started to cough up more blood and calmed down. "It's true."

"Alright, if you say so." she said.

"You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"Of course not."

"Yup, you think I'm crazy. Get out of my room." She mumbled something and left. "That was fun."

I fell asleep and nothing of importance happened during sleepdom.

"How long was I out? Was it normal?"

"Yes, it was normal, why do you ask?"

"Because when I went to the hospital another time, I was out for four days."

"You have previous medical history?"

"Yeah, I was sent to the hospital like five times in the past four months, not counting this one."

"That will help us with treating you. Where were you admitted to the hospital?"

"Classified."

"Tell me."

"That information is classified. I'm not even allowed to know." I lied.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Classified."

"Alright, I can see that I won't be getting anywhere with this." she said, walking out.

"Wait!" I called.

"What is it? Are you hurt?"

"No. I wanted to know if Luna was ok. How is she doing?"

"Yes, she is doing just fine. Is that all?"

"Yes, that's it."

"Alright. Goodbye." she said, leaving.

"That fourth wall's got some explaining to do." I said.

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up to see nothing spectacular. I sat up and looked at the room. Nothing special. A doctor walked into the room to get some test results, or something, I wasn't paying attention. Then there was a knock on the door. The doctor walked to it and opened it up.

"Is he alright?" I heard.

"Yes, but he's sleeping right now."

"I'm not sleeping, let 'em in." I said.

"Phil! You're ok?" asked Luna, walking in.

"Hey Princess. Yeah, I'm ok. Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Did you say Princess?" asked the doctor.

"Luna, come over here." I said. She walked next to me and I whispered, "Humans aren't going to believe us if we say anything about Equestria. Let's keep it between us."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll keep Equestria out of this world."

I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Well?" asked the doctor.

"Well what?"

"Did you say Princess?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"Is she a Princess?"

"No, are you stupid? Princess is just a nickname."

"Ah yes, sorry."

"Leave now, you bore me." I said.

He exited the room, leaving me and Luna alone. "So, how have you adjusted to being a human?"

"It was actually easier than I thought it would be. I knew how to walk thanks to you, and the rest just followed suit."

"Neat. So anyways, I'm gonna be in here for a while. Are you able to leave?"

"Yes, I was allowed to leave, but I chose to stay here with you."

I smiled and said, "That's awful nice of you. I do see one problem though. How are we going to get back?"

"I don't know."

"I guess we could use that multidimensional portal, but it was probably taken somewhere else after I trashed the lab."

"There was a gateway into our world?" she asked.

"Yes. That's how I got here, and was able to save you."

"That sounds like a fine way to get back home."

"Yeah, it would be great, but I can't leave until I'm healed."

"Oh, I can help you with that." she said.

"You can? How?"

"Don't tell my sister this, but I am able to use a healing spell."

"Why don't you want me to tell Celestia?"

"It's one of the few things that I can do that she can't."

"Ha! That's funny. Alright, you have my word."

Her horn started to glow and she touched my head with it. My body felt like it was submerged in water, and my feet, especially my left foot, felt really weird. She lifted her head and looked tired. "That's that, you can get up now."

I lifted my arm and felt it. "Hey, I can actually feel that!" I said.

I jumped out of bed and stood up. "No excruciating pain! That's a plus."

"Yup, you're all good now." she said.

I hugged her and said, "Thanks Luna!"

She blushed and said, "Yeah, no problem."

I let go of her and she almost fell over. "You alright?"

"Oh yes, I'll be fine. I just need a little rest."

"Take a load off." I said, setting her down on the bed.

"But this is your bed." she said.

"Not like I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna tell the doctors that I'm fine, then fight them off as they try to get me back into bed." I said.

"If you insist."

"I do insist, it's comfy."

She laid down on the bed and I walked out saying, "'Night."

"'Night."

I walked out of the room and immediately a doctor ran up to me and said, "What do you think you're doing out of bed in your condition?"

"I don't have any condition." I said.

He looked at me. "What happened to you?" he asked.

"How can I explain this? I got better."

"But how?"

"Classified." I said.

"What?"

"Hey, where can I make some money around this place? I wanna buy some coats. It's too cold outside for me and Luna to go with what we had. If it comes to that, I'll just end up coming back here again." He just stood there, looking at me. "Alright, thanks for the help." I said, walking away.

"Get back here!" he said, walking after me. "You're not going anywhere until you explain this to me."

I turned around and said, "Fat chance."

I walked away and he went to the phone that was nearby on a desk. I ignored him and went to look for some sort of cafeteria.

"This isn't gonna help that everyone's Russian." I said to myself. "I got lucky with the people that I could understand. Maybe I could use magic to help me with this."

I tried to figure out a spell that would enable me to speak another language. It wasn't easy, but I finally got one. I started to activate the spell, then my entire body glowed. I stopped the spell before it could start and ran down the hallway. "Hope this doesn't look suspicious."