> Brony in Equestria: The Tacoing
>  by Omega Dracomancer
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Journey to Equestria
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lived an average life, went to school, came home, and played on the internet. That was about it. Then everything changed for the better.

While I was walking home from school one day, listening to music, I saw something odd. I walked closer and it was something that I would've never expected to be there. It was Derpy Hooves.

"Derpy?" I said, taking my earbuds out of my ears.

She looked at me, then flew away.

"Hey! Wait up!" I ran after her. She seemed to be leading me somewhere. She flew over a fence, down a hill, and through a hole in an abandoned building. I hesitated for a minute, then followed her through the hole. She was flying around in the rafters, looking for something. I climbed up after her, and she found a window as soon as I got to the rafters.

"What's going on, Derpy?" I asked.

She flew out of the window, and without thinking, I jumped out after her. "Bad idea!" I yelled as I fell to the ground.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I was in a clearing in a forest. "Where am I? There wasn't a forest where I was. What was Derpy doing, and why did I see her?" I said confused. "What the hell man, why am I here?"

"What was that?" asked a familiar voice.

"Twilight? Wait a minute, uh.. Hide time." I said, running behind a tree. "What the blueberry fuck is going on here?"

"Is someone there?" asked Twilight.

I gave up and tried to get out of there, running away from Twilight. I didn't want to freak her out, it was the middle of the night and I was still a human. Maybe tomorrow.

I ran towards what I assumed was Applejack's farm. I made it there and thought about my next action. Then my stomach growled. "Looks like I'm eating apples tonight." Then I chuckled.

I went to the apple trees and picked some apples, then went back to the Everfree Forest. I ate them then fell asleep up against a tree.

"Where did you come from?" asked a filly, waking me up.

"What?" I asked, rubbing my eyes, this wasn't a dream.

"Where did you come from?" repeated the filly.

"Applebloom?" I asked.

"How do you know my name?" she asked.

"I know your sister Applejack." I lied. "I uh… gotta go."

"Aren't ya gonna stay for brunch?" she asked, looking so goddamn cute.

"No, I can't." I said, moving into the Everfree.

"Who are you talking to, Applebloom?" asked Applejack, as I ran back into the forest.

"He said that he was your friend Applejack!" said Applebloom.

"Where did he go?" asked Applejack.

I wasn't anywhere in sight by the time Applejack got to Applebloom. I ran further into the woods and thought about what to do. "I could go talk to Twilight, she might know what to do." So I made my way to Twilights house. "I have no idea where I'm going." I said, then I moved to the edge of the forest.

As it turns out, I did have an idea about where I was going, because I saw Twilights house right in front of me. "Yayuh! Got to Twilight's!" I said to myself. I looked in a window and saw that Twilight was inside.

I knocked on the front door and she said, "Come in!"

I slipped inside and went to talk to Twilight. "Twilight? I need to talk to you!" I said.

"Who is that?" she asked. Then she saw me, "What are you?"

"Er… I'm a human." I said, "And my name is Phil."

"How did you know my name?" she asked.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"You'd prolly freak out."

"And what would you say if I don't believe you?"

"I don't know, would you like to know?"

"Yes I would."

I thought for a moment, then said, "Bring your friends here, then I'll tell you all. I was brought here for a reason, and if I'm going to stay, then I want to know your friends. Who knows, maybe we'll have an adventure!"

Her ears perked up at the word adventure. "Alright, I'll see what I can do. Go talk to Spike and tell him that I said you could stay here for a minute." she said, walking out of the library.

I walked around a bit and found Spike eating some food. "Hi Spike!" I said cheerfully.

"AHH! Don't do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack." he said with a surprised look on his face.

"Heart attacks won't be good for Twilight's number one assistant." I joked.

"Well of course that would be bad…" he said turning to face me, "AAHH! A MONSTER!"

"Spike, stop worrying! Twilight said that I could stay here for a bit while she goes to get her friends. I need to tell them something, and you might as well join to, don't want to retell a story." I said, trying to calm him down, "Damn reposts." I said under my breath.

"What was that last part?" he asked.

"Nothing important."

"Alright then, that it?"

"Yeah, I guess so. See ya in about 20 minutes, Spike." I said, walking into the library. I tried to pick out an interesting book, but I couldn't understand any, so I put them back. "Must be written in Equestrian." I said to myself. I got bored after about 2 minutes, so I took out my iPod and started to listen to music.

"Alright, let's see what shuffle has for me today. HA! How tacorific. Ponies and Renard, my two favorite things. Today's gonna be lucky." I said as the first song was Rainbow Dash Likes Girls. I decided to set it on loop, and quickly fell asleep.

"Phil? Wake up, Phil." said a voice that I could barely hear.

"Hold on a minute, I know what'll wake him!" said a louder voice.

"Rainbow Dash?" I said so quietly that not even Fluttershy could hear. I heard Rainbow come back with something splashing around.

"Dash wait!"

"Not good!" I said to myself. When the splashing stopped, for a split-second, my reflexes took over, and I jumped up, grabbed the bucket of water from her hooves and yelled, "Not in the library!"

This caused her and everypony else to jump backwards, and also caused my earbuds to come out of my ears. Dash was breathing heavily and Fluttershy fainted. It was so cute, I had to physically resist the urge to D'AWWWWWW! I looked in the bucket and saw not only water, but also Gummy the alligator. I rolled up my hoodie sleeve, and reached in the bucket to get him. "What are you doing in here, Gummy?"

"Gummy!" said Pinkie Pie hopping over to me. When she got to me, Gummy jumped out of my hands and clamped down on my neck.

"This is the most ticklish thing that has ever happened to me." I laughed, trying to get Gummy off.

"Gummy! Let go of him." said Pinkie. The alligator jumped off of my neck and clamped itself on Pinkie's tail.

"That was fun, this world is fun." I said with a laugh.

"Enough horseplay." said Applejack.

"Ha, horseplay."

"Yeah, why are we here?" asked Rarity. Then she looked at my clothes. She started to say something, but I put my hand up.

"Let me guess what you were going to say, 'Those clothes are atrocious! Where did you find those rags?' Is that about right?" I asked.

"Yes, how… how did you know that I was going to say that?"

"All in good time, Rarity." I said.

"What is this music? It sounds like Twilight's singing it." asked Rainbow from behind me. She had been behind me listening to the song the whole time.

"Er… I uh… don't want to tell you the name, you personally may find it offensive, Dash."

"Why would that be? It sounds awesome!" she said with a smile.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, but the song is called," then I paused for a moment, "Rainbow Dash Likes Girls."

"WHAT?" she screamed angrily, jerking her head up and the earbuds out of her ears. "Who the hell would name their song that?" Then she looked away trying to hide her blushing.

I collected the earbuds and put them in my pocket. "Don't ask me why that name was used. No idea. I think that it's a funny name, but I don't agree with it." I said, trying to cheer her up without lying.

"It was a ok song." she said with a chuckle.

"Opinions, opinions. Alright, now back to the matter at hand, you want to know where I came from. Where's Spike, he should write this down and send it to Princess Celestia."

"How did you know about the Princess?" asked Twilight.

"Touch of magic." I Said.

Spike came into the room a moment later with some paper and writing device.

First I told them how I got here, by following Derpy out of a window, which was a stupid idea. Rainbow laughed after I said that.

"There is another part, much more important. This is the hard part, and I was trying to avoid it for as long as I could, but now I can't anymore. Hold up a minute." I pulled my iPod out of my pocket and searched for the my little pony wiki. "This entire world was something that many people could watch whenever they wanted. A TV show. We could view some days, as far back as when you defeated Nightmare Moon and turned her into Princess Luna." I pulled up a page that had that episode summary. "Hey Twilight, can you enlarge this?" I asked pointing at my iPod.

"I'll try." she said. Her horn started to glow, and so did my iPod. After a minute, it grew to twice the size of an ipad.

"Whoa, this made it at least 20% cooler." I said looking it over for signs of damage. Dash's ears perked up after hearing me say that and was about to say something, but I held up my hand and said, "All in due time Dash."

"Why did you have me do that?" asked Twilight.

"Look, your adventures fixing the Nightmare Moon are all on here." I said, pointing to it. "Er… can you read this?"

"Yes we can." said Twilight.

"That sucks. We both speak the same language, and you can read English, but I can't read Equestrian. Oh well."

"You're right." said Twilight, eyes enlarging, "The entire adventure with Nightmare Moon. It's all here!"

"Yup. What else do you want to know?" I asked, getting bored.

"Are there any more things like this on this… um…" asked Twilight.

"Ipod." I finished for her. "And yes, absolutely. Here I'll show you." I said. I touched the search bar, and typed in mlp fim ep 1. The show came up and I played the episode. They watched it and I looked around, books everywhere. 'Odd for a library. Usually books are everywhere in a library. Oh wait...'

I looked at Pinkie, who was probably as bored as I was. Upon sitting down, I fell asleep again.

I was awaken with a knock to the head. I opened my eyes and said, "Who want to know?"

"Know what?"

"Precisely my pony friend." I said. "So, the big question here is, why am I here? Any leads?"

"I don't think so." said Twilight.

"No magic anomalies? Surges?"

"Nothing that I know of."

"Maybe the Princesses could help. Or not. If not, then not. But maybe, so possibly. Always a possibility."

"I guess..."

"Any chance that I could speak with them? Preferably Princess Luna."

"Why Princess Luna?"

"Between you and me, Princess Celestia scares me."

"She scares us all." said Pinkie.

"Quite a possibility."

"Hey, you wanna get some cupcakes?" asked Pinkie.

"With 143% certainty!" I said happily.

"Alright, follow me!" she said, bouncing out of the library.

"Well, I hope to see you all again." I said, collecting my now small iPod and exiting via open window.

"Twi, why in tarnation didn't he use the door?" asked Applejack.

"I have no idea."

"Yo Pinkie, wait up!" I said, running after her.

> Dragon
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

We arrived at Sugarcube corner and went inside. Pinkie went into the kitchen and told me to make sure nopony steals anything while she's gone. "Ha! Crime in Equestria? That's a good one." I laughed.

When she came back from the kitchen, she had a plate full of cupcakes. My mouth started to water and Pinkie said, "Dig in!"

After about 20 minutes, I had eaten 7 cupcakes, and Pinkie many more. "Damn good cupcakes!" I said.

"I know! I made them." she laughed.

"So Pinkie, what do you wanna do now?" I asked bored.

"Let's go back to Twilight."

"Might as well!" I replied.

When we got outside, I saw something odd. It was a pony wheeling around a backpack with wheels. "Wait a minute, that's my backpack!" I said to myself.

"What was that?" asked Pinkie.

"Gonna have to take a rain check on Twilight's place right now. That pony has my backpack. Ima get it back!" I said, walking towards her.

"Don't hurt anypony Phil." she said.

"Don't worry Pinkie." I had almost lost sight of the pony with my backpack and had to speed up. When I was close enough, I yelled, "Hey you, with the bag! Wait up!"

She ignored me and sped up to try to lose me. She looked like she was trying to get home, so I followed her.

"I know you heard me!" I yelled. Then she took a turn towards a house and went inside. I looked at the house, and saw Bon-bon outside watering the flowers next to the house. I went up to her and asked her, "Is Lyra home?"

"Well she just got here, who are you?" she asked.

"Tell you later, I think that Lyra has my backpack."

"What's a backpack?"

"It's a bag that I use, mine is black and has wheels, and is uncommon. I saw her walk here with it, or a similar one. I could be wrong though, but I need to make sure." I answered.

"Well, that's quite alright, I'll go get her for you."

Just then we heard a scream. "OW! That stings!" we heard.

"Lyra!" we both yelled, running inside.

"What was that thing?" she asked, dazed.

"You probably found my Nokia Knuckles. Did you happen to tap yourself with anything in my bag?" I asked.

"Well yes, there was this weird thing in the bag, I picked it up and tapped my hoof with it. It stung like a bee sting!" she said.

"Yup, that's the Nokia Knuckles for you. But enough about that, why did you ignore me when I called to you?" I asked.

"I wanted to know more about humans. I knew it was yours and I knew you were a human, so…" she started.

"Eh, whatever, doesn't matter." I said cheerfully, "If you wanted to know more about humans, you should've just asked. So the next time you have a question, ask me. Starting tomorrow, busy today."

"Busy with what?" she asked.

"Nothing." Then I laughed. "Alright, see ya later Lyra, Bon-bon. Then I waved goodbye and walked out.

I walked to Twilight's house and saw Pinkie and Twilight there. "What's up?" I said.

"Nothing important." said Pinkie.

"She's right, nothing at all." said Twilight.

"You're a terrible liar Twilight, but then again, so am I." I said, seeing through her lie.

"Well, we were…" she started.

"Wait! If you want to keep it secret, I don't want to hear it." I said.

Pinkie smiled and said, "You're alright man."

Then we all heard a roar. A very loud roar. "Whoa! That could've even woke Rainbow Dash from sleeping." I said, covering my ears. "What the hell is going on? Is it a manticore?"

"No, manticore can't roar that loud, this was a dragon!" said Twilight, worried.

"We got a problem on our hands!" said Pinkie, "I'm going to get our friends!"

"No time, Pinkie! Just get Rainbow, I got an idea." I shouted.

"I'll be back before you can blink!" she said, hopping out of the doorway, and within a few seconds, she came back with Dash, who was confused as to what had just transpired.

"What's going on here?" she asked.

"Big angry dragon!" I said, reaching into my backpack. "I need you to take me up there." I said, pointing out the window at the dragon's head. "Can you do it?"

"Can I do it? Of course! Who do you think you're dealing with here?" she said. "Hop on my back, and I'll take you up."

"Awesome." I said, climbing onto her back. Within seconds we were off of the ground and flying towards the dragon.

"What are you going to do Phil?" she asked.

"I'm going to punch that dragon in the face." I said, putting on my Nokia Knuckles.

"Are you crazy?" she screamed just as we flew right over the dragon's head.

"Absolutely!" I shouted back, jumping off. I dived for the dragon's forehead and pulled my fist back.

"PHIL!" she yelled, diving after me.

I was going too fast and she couldn't catch me. I flipped until my head was up, and pulled my fist further back. As soon as I got to the dragon, I punched it with all of my might, and hitting dead center on my target. The dragon's scales cracked, broke, and shattered when I hit it, and it's head was thrown towards the ground. It hit the ground, and I landed on top of it, slightly cushioning my fall, but not enough.

"Are you ok Phil?" I heard Twilight say.

"You don't look so good." said Pinkie.

"Don't worry about it you two." I said weakly, giving a thumbs up. Then I felt something on my head, and reached up to examine it. My hand was covered in blood. "Maybe I'm not ok." Then I laughed, and everything went black.

I woke up on a hospital bed. I sat up, and realized that it was a bad idea, because my stomach and head started to hurt. "Damn it, looks like I'm bedridden. Oh well." I said nonchalantly. I had just fought a dragon after all.

"Oh, you're up!" said the nurse.

"Yup, I'm up Nurse Redheart." I said, putting my left arm behind my head. My right arm was broken because I punched the dragon. "What happened to me?"

"After you punched the dragon, your arm broke, and the object that was on your hand broke 3 fingers, and when you landed, you broke a leg, severely bruised your stomach, suffered a major concussion, and broke seven ribs." she said.

"Well shit, looks like ima stay here for a while." I said, getting comfy.

"You've already been here a while, 4 days as a matter of fact." she said.

My jaw dropped in amazement, "Whoa, 4 days? That's cool. What happened around town while I was out?" I asked.

"Nothing major, they moved the dragon out of Ponyville, fixed the damages to buildings, and some ponies even came to visit you." she said.

"Twilight and the gang?" I asked.

"Them and many more. About half of the town came to visit you."

"That was quite unexpected. Of course I did save the town from a dragon with one punch while sustaining major injuries." I said happily.

"Yes you did, and you're lucky to be alive."

"I know. Lucky me." I said, falling back asleep.

When I woke up the next time, I was still in the hospital bed, and was still bored as hell. I couldn't move very much, or I would hurt myself, so I just sat up and looked around. It felt better because my wounds had healed a bit, but not very much. I saw that Nurse Redheart was right, ponies had come to visit me, because there were lots of presents on the floor. Then there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I said. The door opened and Pinkie Pie burst through the doorway. "Hey Pinkie! How's it going?"

"Better than you are" she said.

"Got that right!"

"So, how long you in for?"

"About a month. Then I can probably leave this boring place." I said.

"Well, sucks for you!" she said.

"Alright Pinkie, spill it, whatcha here for?" I asked.

"We just thought that we should check up on you."

"We?"

"Yup!" said Twilight, walking in. The other four of the Mane 6 followed suit and came in after her.

"Hey! How you all been?" I asked.

"We've been fine, how 'bout you?" asked Dash.

"I'm good, seems like I'll be in here for about a month. This is gonna be one long ass month. But of course, when you fight a dragon, you would probably be in here longer. I got lucky. Lucky, lucky me." I said with a smile.

"That was pretty stupid what you did." said Rainbow, "Jumping from my back and trying to punch a dragon. That is probably the stupidest thing that I've ever heard of."

"But if you look at it from my point of view, you wouldn't be so down about it. I got a ride from one of my favorite ponies and punched a dragon so hard that it shattered his scales and knocked him out in one hit. It was the best goddamn day of my life!" I said.

"That was one heck of a punch. I just can't see how you broke that dragon's scales. Dragon scales are almost invincible!" said Applejack.

"I used my Nokia Knuckles. The Nokia is a device that you use to talk to somebody over large distances, and this particular model is completely indestructible. It is a weapon that I can attach to my fist to increase the power of my punch. I had it specially made for that. In my world, I could've used it to knock someone's lights out, and call a doctor for them with the same thing." I explained, "Speaking of which, where is it?"

"I have it." said Fluttershy.

"Really? Where did you find it? I lost it after I punched the dragon."

"It was lodged in the dragon's scales. I pulled it out after I made sure that he wasn't dead."

"Sweet, my fist was found and the dragon's not dead. That's awesome." I said. "What was the dragon doing in Ponyville anyway?"

"He was hungry, he was looking for meat." said Fluttershy.

"And the only meat around these parts is pony meat. That might be problematic in the future, I just don't know when. Probably a long ways away."

Then we exchanged meaningless information, and the ponies left. Before I knew it, the month was up, and I was able to leave the hospital and go back to my life as a brony in Equestria.

> Aftermath
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright, first things first. Time to head to Fluttershy's house. Gotta get me some personal property." I said, "Now, where the hell it is from here? Better ask somepony." I walked to the first pony I saw. When I started to talk to her, she ran off. "Are these ponies scared of me? Maybe, time to try again." Then I walked to another pony, and the same thing happened. "Ok, time to blindly walk around until I see a pony I know, or Fluttershy's house." So I made off for some random direction.

"Look, it's him." "Why is he here?" "What's he going to do to us?"

"Did I unconsciously terrorize the town while I was supposed to be in the hospital? Nah, even sleeping I probably don't hurt anypony. Man this sucks. Why are these ponies scared of me. The hell happened while I was sleeping?" Then I saw my favorite pony that tries to act like a human, and the only pony that I know of that acts like a human, going into a shop. "Lyra!" I called after her.

She turned around and called back, "Human!"

I reached her and said, "Oh yeah, I never told you my name. I'm Phil. Anyways, what's going on here? Why am I getting so many mean looks?"

"They're scared of you, Phil."

"Yes, I saw that. What I want to know is why they are."

"That I don't know for sure, my guess would be that the rumors of you beating a dragon got way too out of hand."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"This morning I heard somepony say, 'The human that killed the dragon is getting out of the hospital today, I hope he doesn't go for us next.' I thought that the dragon didn't die."

"The dragon's dead? Fluttershy told me that he was just knocked out. I don't want to kill anything, even if it is evil. Damn it. Well, they are rumors, maybe it was just knocked out. Ok, enough about that, where is Fluttershy's cottage from here?" She told me where it was. "Thanks, see ya later Lyra."

I started to walk away, and Lyra resumed her shopping. Then I heard, "Get out of here! We saw you talking with that monster, plotting with it. Stay away from my shop!" I turned around and saw Lyra get shoved out of the doorway.

I walked over to her and asked if she was ok. She nodded and said, "Looks like I won't be doing any shopping today."

"No, you will be shopping if you want. You'll see." I assured her. Then I walked to the door of the shop that she tried to go into and knocked on it.

"Go away monster! You're not welcome here." said the owner.

"Hey, let her in, she's done nothing wrong. I don't need to come in, but she needs to get some shopping done." I said calmly.

"I don't trust you. Get away from my shop!" he repeated.

"Alright, fine. If you don't let her into your shop, I swear that I will hunt you down and rip your head from your neck!" I yelled.

"Alright man, just be cool! I'll let her shop, just don't hurt me." he pleaded, opening the door. I turned to Lyra and said, "If anybody else gives you trouble for what they blame me for, come talk to me. I'll get it sorted out, I just hope that they will respond better then him." I pointed at the shop owner, who was cowering in a corner, "I don't want to have to threaten anypony else. See ya!" Then I walked to where she said Fluttershy's cottage was.

I kept walking for about 10 minutes and started to lose interest. "I gotta get there soon or I'll forget what I was doing. Hope I didn't make a wrong turn. Curse you bad memory. Oh there it is." I said, seeing the cottage. I went up to the door and knocked a few times. I didn't get any answer, so I called, "Fluttershy, are you home?" Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye. "Is that a chicken? No wait, it's Scootaloo! Same thing. The two are interchangeable. What's she doing here?"

I heard her say, "This is going to be the best night ever!"

I walked over and saw the other two of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I said, "Hey you three, 'nother sleepover at Fluttershy's cottage?"

They saw me, screamed, and ran off into the woods. "Wait up, don't go into the Everfree forest! Remember what happened last time you did that?" I yelled after them.

They hid behind some trees and I walked in after them. "Come on, I won't hurt ya." I said. Then I walked straight into a correctly made pitfall trap. "Sonova... I just got out of the hospital."

"We got him girls!" said Sweetie Bell.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders monster hunters!" said Apple Bloom.

"We caught the monster!" said Scootaloo.

"How come every time you go into these woods, you try to catch a monster?" I asked.

"How did you know that?" asked Scootaloo.

"I'm magic!" I said. I wanted to have some fun with them, so I added, "Did you dig this hole, Scootaloo?"

"Yeah, it was hard work." she replied.

"Huh, I didn't know that chickens could dig." Then I laughed.

Applebloom and Sweetie Bell burst out in laughter and Scootaloo said, "I'm gonna get you for this!"

"But I must admit, this is a good hole. It's wide enough for me to do this!" I said as I ran towards a wall. I placed my foot on the wall, and kicked myself up. I grabbed onto a root that was at the top, and pulled myself up. "That was more fun than I thought it would be." I said, "Alright girls, it's time to get out of the forest, remember the last time? Cockatrice and all, and the chicken." I looked at Scootaloo when I said the last part, and the other two started laughing again.

"Shut up." she said.

"I need to go see Fluttershy, would you care to accompany me?" I asked, already walking away.

"Wait up!"

We walked to Fluttershy's cottage, and she was looking for them. She was comically looking under a small rock, and then I d'awwed.

"What was that, Phil?" asked Apple Bloom.

"That was so cute." I said.

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Alright then."

"Fluttershy!" I yelled. Then she fell over like a goat.

"Is she gonna be ok?" asked Sweetie Bell.

"Give her a minute, she'll be just fine." I said, sitting down.

After a minute, she got up and ran over to us. "Where were you three? You nearly gave me a heart attack." she said to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"They're safe now, that's all that matters, right?" I said.

"Phil! When did you get here?"

"Awhile back, I saw these three go into the forest, so I followed them, and fell into a pitfall trap they dug earlier."

"They did what?" she asked.

"Dug a pitfall trap. No biggy." I said.

"Alright, if you're ok with it."

"Totally fine. Anyways, Do you still have my Nokia Knuckles?" I asked her.

"No, I gave it to Twilight so she could study it. I hope that it was ok." she responded.

"Alright, thanks! Looks like I'm off to Twilight's house now. See ya." I said, walking away. "Alright, now where is Twilight's tree? Looks like it's time to walk blindly again!" I said, walking blindly.

"Where you headed, Phil?" asked a familiar voice.

"Applejack! I'm going to Twilight's house, can you tell me where it is?" She told me, "Alright, cool. See ya later!" Then I walked away, and my stomach started rumbling. "Twilight can wait, first stop is Sugarcube Corner. Wait, I don't have any bits. Guess I gotta start a tab. Oh well, I'm good with paying things off."

"Don't worry, Phil! Cupcakes are on me today!" I heard a pony say.

"I can always count on you, can't I Pinkie?" I said.

"You got that right!"

"Can you take me there? I can't remember where it is."

"Okie dokie lokie!" she said, bouncing away. I ran to keep up with her, but she didn't slow down, so I had to keep running. "Slow down a notch Pinkie!" I said.

"Doesn't matter, we're here!" she said with a smile.

"That was easier than expected." I said walking inside.

"Wait here a minute!" said Pinkie.

I leaned up against a wall and put my hands in my pocket. I felt something in there that I hadn't noticed before. I pulled it out and saw my iPod, not even damaged. "A winrar is me!" I said. Then I put it back in my pocket, "Later."

After a minute, Pinkie came out of the kitchen with 17 cupcakes on a plate. Needless to say, they were gone a half hour later.

"Thanks for that, Pinkie. They are still the best damn cupcakes I've ever eaten." I said.

"See ya around, Phil!" she said as I walked out.

"Alright, onwards to Twilight's." I said, walking in what I thought was the right direction. I saw her house in about 5 minutes and said to myself, "My luck's about to run out, I've been too lucky in this world. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Then I thought about it, "I know what's gonna go down, poison joke, oh well."

I went up to the door and knocked on it. "Come in." said Twilight.

I went in and the place was an absolute mess. "Did Spike figure out that the floor is the biggest shelf?"

"Oh, hi Phil! And no, I did this." she said.

"What've you been doing in here, reading books?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yes… that's exactly what I was doing, how did you know?"

"Lucky guess. Anyways, do you still have my Nokia Knuckles?"

"Yes, it's right over here." she said, walking over to the basement. She opened the door and I followed her. She walked down the stairs and used her magic to levitate a box over to us. She opened it and inside was my indestructible device.

"Aw yeah!" I said, "Hey, did you happen to find out what type of god-like material this was made out of, or is it just super-plastic?"

"Well, it is made out of some material not found on this world." she replied.

"You don't have plastic on this world?" She nodded. "That's probably a good thing, plastic causes too much pollution."

"Then it must be a good thing that we don't have it, I guess."

"Probably. So anyways, can I have it back?"

"Sure, I can't figure it out anyways, just like the Pinkie sense." she said, handing it to me.

She looked unhappy, so I said, "Don't worry about it, Twilight. The reason that you couldn't get it is because it wasn't made in Equestria, it was made on my planet, Earth. I know a lot about this, but I can never figure out what it is. Nothing is indestructible, it shouldn't be physically possible, like the Pinkie sense, but it is."

"I get what your saying, thanks." she said, cheering up.

"Onwards to upstairs!" I said, walking upstairs. When I got up there, I nearly tripped on a book. "Yo Twilight, need help cleaning this up?" I asked, immediately regretting it.

"Yes please, I made quite a mess." she said.

"Damn it," I said under my breath, "Speaking of messes, where's Spike?"

"He's in Canterlot picking up some books that I don't have here." she said, starting to put books away. I picked up some books and put them on a shelf, trying to keep them in alphabetical order.

After a while, we were done with the books and I asked, "Have you seen my backpack? I haven't seen it since before the dragon incident."

"I think that Rarity has it."

"Did she want to use it in fashion?"

"Yeah, and I think that she said that she wants to make some changes to it."

"Of course she does. When did she say this?"

"Two weeks ago."

"So, in which general direction should I head to so I can find her?"

"Her shop is down the road." she said, pointing.

"Alright, cool. See ya later." I said, walking out of the library. I arrived at the Carousel Boutique quickly and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" I heard Rarity say.

"Hey Rarity, it's Phil." I said, walking in.

"Phil! You have got to see what I have done with your backpack. It looks absolutely marvelous!" she said with a large amount of excitement.

"I really want to see what you've done with it." I said.

She led me into the other room, and I saw my backpack on a stand. "Whoa, I didn't know that backpacks could be cool, but somehow, you've managed to fix up my backpack beyond awesomeness." I said, marveling in it's awe.

"It took me quite some time, but I managed to make it look better."

"Why did it take you so long? Was it so awesome that it was hard to improve?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Well no, it was so hard because it looked so horrible that I didn't know how to fix it."

"I knew that." I said, walking over to grab my backpack. "Beyond expectations, Rarity."

"Oh yes, I know darling." she said proudly.

I grabbed it and put it on. "It feels like nothing is even there! How is this even possible?"

"Well first I..." she started.

"Wait, this kind of knowledge wouldn't help me anyways. Besides, to me, it doesn't matter how it was done. Thank you Rarity, how can I ever repay you?"

"You saved the town from a dragon single hoofdedly, I think that that's enough payment for me."

"I wasn't by myself, Rainbow Dash took me into the air. But if you insist..." I said, taking the backpack. "Thanks Rarity."

"It's the least that I could do darling."

"See ya later Rarity!" I said, walking out the door.

"Come back soon darling!"

After I left the shop, I said, "What now? What the hell do I do now? Whatever..."

> Manticore
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Days of doing nothing of much importance later, I finally found out what to do with nothing to do. "Training" I said.

"What was that?" asked Twilight.

"I wanna train my fighting skills, can you help me do this?" I asked.

"Why do you want to train your fighting skills?" she asked nervously.

"Don't worry, if I wanted to hurt anypony, I would've done it long ago. Now, can you help me or not?"

"Well, I can try, I recall some spells for just such an occasion in some books."

"How long's it gonna take to find them?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen them in a while."

"Ima be in the Everfree forest, punching trees. Come get me when you found the book."

"Punching trees?" she asked.

I ignored her and walked outside, the sun shining. "Onwards to the place I mentioned!" I shouted, running into the forest. "Time to find a tree that's not very jagged." I said to myself. Once I found a good flat-ish tree, I took a swing at it, and hurt my hand in the process. "Good, this tree will do just fine." I said, getting into a fighting stance.

After a few hours of that, my hands and the tree were both covered in blood and I was on the ground, panting. "That was excruciating, stupid, and downright exhausting."

"Phil! What happened to you?" asked my favorite cyan colored pony.

"Don't worry Rainbow, I'm fine." I said, getting up. This hurt my hands, and I let out a gasp of pain.

"How did this happen to you?" she asked.

"See that tree?" I pointed to the tree with my bloody knuckles.

"What the hell? What were you doing?" she asked, worried.

"I punched that tree! All day. It was incredibly painful. Now that I think about it, it was a really, really, really bad idea."

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

"Training. Someone told me that the more I punch something, the harder my knuckles become. I don't know or care if he was right, it's very fun to punch stuff."

"Who told you that?"

"Dirty hobo."

"Hobo?"

"Nah, it was my dad. Sure do miss him. But if I never go back, that's fine too. My life wasn't very eventful." Then I let out a tear without knowing it. This was the first time that I thought of my parents. "I miss my parents, Dash." I noticed the tear, "Wow, this is the first time that I've cried since…"

"Since what?" she asked.

"I wanna be alone for a bit. Go away." I said.

"No, I'm staying right here until you tell me what's up!" she said, sitting down.

"Then stay." I said, getting up. Then I went back to face the tree.

"Phil, what are you…" she started.

I ran towards the tree and kicked it with all that I could muster. The tree split in half where I had been punching it, and the top fell down. I ran under the tree as it fell, and tried my best to get away from Dash in the confusion. She just sat there in silence, then noticed that I had ran off. "Get back here!" she yelled, flying after me.

I couldn't outrun her, I knew that, but I was definitely smarter than her. I took note of all of my surroundings. I saw a cave up ahead, and was going to hide in it, but really underestimated Rainbow Dash's speed. Before I could get close to it, she tackled me to the ground, knocking the wind out of me.

"Get off of me, Dash." I said.

"Not until you tell me what you're dealing with!" she said.

I wasn't going to get out of this without somepony getting hurt, and I wasn't about to go around beating up ponies, so I kicked her off and stood up, feigning dizziness. "You want a piece of me?" I taunted.

Then there was a loud roar. I snapped back to full attention, or as much attention as I could muster in my weakened state. Behind Dash was a full grown manticore, looking at her while licking his lips. "Dash, run, manticore." I managed to say.

She immediately understood and leapt up into the air just before the manticore lunged at her. It missed her by mere inches. I ran forward and punched it in the face before it could realize that it's prey ran off. I screamed in pain and the manticore was thrown back a few feet.

It roared again and this time dived for me. I ducked and got a powerful uppercut in, hurting my hand again. The manticore was thrown off of me, and before it could recover, I pounded it until there was no way that I could handle the pain anymore. I saw a small hole that I could hide from the manticore in so I ran towards it, clutching my hands. I dived in the hole just as the manticore tried to swing at me.

"Fuck!" I yelled. Then manticore had got my leg, but I got in the hole before he could do anything else.

"Phil!" yelled Dash, diving at the manticore.

"STOP!" I yelled, "Go back to town. Get Fluttershy, Twilight, anybody that can help. Both of us know that we can't take this thing."

"But Phil!" she protested.

"Please go. I'll be fine. I promise you. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I said, reciting the Pinkie promise.

"Alright, I'll hurry back!" she yelled, flying towards town at an incredible rate.

"Thanks Rainbow." I said, slipping in and out of consciousness, the manticore ripping at the area surrounding the hole I was in. "So this is it, huh? Bleeding out while a hungry monster tries to eat me. This sucks."

I bound my leg with my shirt and awaited help.

Rainbow's POV

"Twilight!" I yelled, flying as fast as I could to the town. I saw the library, and wasted no time barging in. "Twilight!"

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Phil's in trouble, in the woods. A manticore's got him pinned down!" I yelled.

"What?" she yelled.

"I need to get Fluttershy, and a nurse. Go help Phil! He needs you, he's in the woods." I said.

"Alright, I'll go help him." she said, teleporting away.

"Fluttershy next." I said, flying to Fluttershy's. When I got there, I burst through the door and told her the same thing that I told Twilight.

"That big meanie!" she yelled, racing out the door, faster than even me, with an angry look on her face.

I raced to the hospital and told them what was happening. They prepared a transport system for him, and left in a hurry.

"Back to Phil, I just hope it's not too late." I said, flying back to Phil. Seconds later, I saw Pinkie running at full speed in the same direction. Then she jumped into the air, almost hitting me. "Pinkie?" She grabbed me and the next thing that I knew, We were in the middle of the Everfree forest, right by the clearing that the manticore was in, slashing at where Phil was with his claws.

"Get away from him!" I yelled.

My POV

"Get away from him!" I heard someone yell.

"Winning." I said weakly. I got up and tried to get out of my hiding space, trying to get back to town. Then my leg shot up in a pain that was almost as bad as stepping on a Lego. I couldn't move. "Damn."

Twilight began charging a spell to stop the manticore before it could hurt anypony else. She stopped a few feet away from it and fired her spell at him. The purple light engulfed him and then threw him back against a tree. Then Fluttershy came out of the sky at almost inconceivable speeds and kicked it in the stomach, knocking it out.

"Over here." I said in a weak voice.

"Phil!" they all said, running over to me.

"Yup, it's me. I gotta go to the hospital, or stuff'll happen.

"Don't worry, Phil. The Ponymedics are coming." said Rainbow.

I laughed at that, and they all looked at me like I was crazy, of course I am, but that's besides the point. "Ponymedics is funny." I said, blacking out.

I shot up from the bed that I was laying in and realized that I was in the hospital again.

"Phil! You're up!" said Fluttershy.

"Hey Fluttershy." I said. Then I winced as my hands started hurting a bit.

"Try not to move too much."

"Yeah, I got that. What happened?"

"After you passed out, your gash stopped bleeding, literally, it just stopped."

"You not telling me something?"

"Well…" she said, trying to hide in her mane.

I looked at my hands, expecting to see bandages, but instead, saw hooves. "I'm a pony aren't I?"

"Um…"

"This is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me." I said.

"What?"

"Ever since I watched the show, I've wanted to be a pony." I said, kicking off the blankets. I examined my leg and saw that there wasn't even a scar. "Cool."

"Huh?" asked Fluttershy, still confused. Confused Fluttershy, confluttershy.

"Don't worry about it." Then I looked back, "Sweet! Got wings!" I reached up, "Guess I'm an alicorn now. Magic, magic, magic. Now in relevant form.

"It would seem so." she said.

I got up and tried to walk away, and after a minute I got it. I tried to stand on my hind legs like a human, but failed miserably. "I'm gonna stand like a human." I said Then I walked out of the house. "Eventually."

I saw Dash flying above in the clouds, and decided to go thank her. "Hold up a minute, can't fly. I was a human before, so I am going to fly upside down. Yeah." I said. Then I opened my wings, they were so cool. I flapped my wings a few times, and before I knew it, I was in the air right in front of Dash. I tried to move, but couldn't maneuver in the air correctly, so I just flapped some more, shooting way above her.

"What was that?" asked Dash angrily, flying up to me.

"Sup Dash!" I said, controlling my wing flaps.

"Phil?" she asked.

"Indeed." I said.

"What happened to you?"

"Who cares, I'm a goddamn pony. Best day ever." I said.

"What's new?"

"I just came up here to thank you. It took a lot to get our friends, I know. Thanks Dash." I said.

"Yeah, you're welcome." she said.

Just then my wings stopped working, and just before I fell, I said, "Shit." Then I started to fall at high speeds. At first I was scared, but then I serious'd up and spread my legs and arms to slow my descent.

"Phil!" she yelled, diving after me. I hadn't moved from my pose, and she was able to catch me before I hit the ground.

"Thanks for that." I said when we got to the ground.

"What happened?"

"No clue, looks like no flying for awhile." I said. Then my left wing moved forward, and I noticed it. "How soft are these?" I asked myself silently, reaching for it. It took some effort, but when I touched it, it felt incredibly soft. I couldn't hold it for long, so I said, "Maybe they don't bend that way." I said.

"Huh?" asked Rainbow, moving closer.

'Wait a minute, she has wings.' I thought, leaning on her side.

"What are you doing?" she asked, backing off.

"Wings are soft, but it was hard to hold on to my own wing, so I felt yours. Soft." I said with a smile.

"Huh?" she asked.

"Soft wings." I said, moving my wing closer to her, "Feel, soft."

She hesitated, then reached her hoof up and touched the wing. "Soft." she said.

Then I laughed. "Soft."

"That was soft." she said.

"Enough of that." I said, "Can you teach me how to fly?"

"Sure Phil." she said.

"Sweet!"

> Humans
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been a full month since the last time that I was injured, and in that month, I have mastered the skill of walking upright and flying upside down. My instincts were now at a higher level, that of a pegasus.

I have also been training my magic with Twilight, and made an odd discovery. "Yo Twilight, check this out." I said, levitating a book over to her.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Humans!" I said happily.

"What?" she asked, starting to read the book.

"It says that humans have been here before." I explained.

"Wow."

"The same thing happened to them that happened to me, they turned into a pony."

"Why haven't I read this before?"

"Maybe someone is looking out for me." I said.

"Did you read this part?" she asked.

"Maybe, what does it say?" I asked.

"That human turned pony was turned back into a human by getting struck by lightning."

"That may be useful later, but I like using my wings and magic too much."

"Says here that he kept both his magic and his wings when he turned back." she said, turning to me. "Where'd you go?"

I wasn't anywhere near her, I was on my way to see Dash. "Human with wings and magic. Almost too good to be true." I said, smiling. I saw Pinkie and asked her where Dash was. Turns out she was in Cloudsdale working on the weather. "Perfect." I said, flying away. Just then I heard some yelling. "What's with the yelling?" I asked myself.

I looked down and saw something that I never thought that I would see, another human, two in fact. I flew down and examined them closely. One boy, one girl. The boy was probably a jerk judging by the clothes he wore and the air that he carried around him. The girl looked unhappy with the boy and looked down. The boy was yelling at somepony. "Fluttershy." I said, enraged. I dived at him and tackled him to the ground.

"Get the fuck off of me!" He yelled. Yup, definitely a jerk.

I got off of him and looked back at Fluttershy. She had tears in her eyes and a look of shock on her face. That just enraged me even more. "Did you make Fluttershy cry?" I asked with incredible anger in my voice.

"That that stupid pony's name? Yeah, what of it, bitch?" he said.

"Nopony makes Fluttershy cry." I said, walking towards him. While I walked, a ring of lightning formed around me. I didn't notice it, and kept walking forward.

The girl ran in between us and held out her arms. "Stop!" she yelled. I did, and she said, "I'm sorry about how he acted, he can't help it."

I could tell that this was a lie, but I calmed down anyway.

"Get out of my way bitch!" he said, moving to her. He pushed her out of the way and she fell down.

"No mercy." I said angrily. The lightning returned, and I ran for him. I punched his face, and he was thrown back to a building. I ran to him and punched him again. This threw him through the wall and knocked him out. "I hope to Celestia that he isn't dead." I said coldly.

"Is he ok?" asked the girl.

"I hope so, I don't kill, I don't want to be a murderer. That aside, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." she said, "Why did you get so angry when you saw him?"

"Nopony makes Fluttershy cry. I never wanted to see her sad, and I have. I never want it to happen again, but if it does, they will have to answer to me. Or someone else within the general area." I said.

"Why are you so different from the other ponies, you walk like me, like a human."

"I came here a human, and now I am a pony."

"You're a human?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah." I said.

"Prove it."

"There is no way that I can do that now." I said, "You should know that."

"I can think of at least one way." she said.

"No you can't." I said jokingly.

"What?"

"Never mind, what is it?"

"Knowledge of the human world."

"Better idea, I just remembered something." I said, "Stay here, I'll be back in a minute." Then I zoomed back to Twilight. I got there and started looking around.

"What are you looking for?" asked Twilight.

"Ipod, you seen it?"

"Over here." she said, using her magic to get it.

"Thanks Twilight." I said running out the door.

I jumped in the air and turned myself around, flying upside down. "Back to what's her face." I said.

When I arrived, the boy was awake, and the girl was next to him, "He already got his due punishment, no shit beaten out of. Maybe." I said to myself.

"Get away from me!" he yelled, backing off.

I shot him an angry glare, and walked to the girl, "Check this out." I said, showing her my iPod.

"That works." she said, "Guess you are a human. What's your name?"

"I'm Phil, you?"

"Destiny."

"Who's the bastard that made Fluttershy cry?"

"Name's Ray." he said.

"Alright Ray, you need to know, if that happens again, to anypony, I won't be as nice as I was before."

Ray just gave me an evil look. I glared back, and a spark of electricity appeared. "That reminds me, I gotta go!" I said.

"Where are you off to?" asked Destiny.

"Gotta see a friend, see ya. Ray, remember what I said, or you'll end up in the hospital much more than I had to." I warned. Then I flew off to go see Rainbow.

"Hey Phil, whatcha doing?" she asked when I got there.

"I need you to do something for me." I said.

"What do you need?"

"Zap me with some lightning." I said.

"Are you crazy?"

"You know the answer to that better than at least one pony."

"Why?"

"I'll explain later, can you do it?"

"Yeah, hang on a sec." she said, flying away.

After a few minutes, she reappeared with a black cloud.

"Ready?"

"No! Do it anyway!" I yelled.

I stared straight at her, she lifted her legs, then everything went black.

"Man, I get hurt too often here." I said, waking up.

"You ok, Phil?"

"Yeah, did it work?" I asked.

"I don't know, but now you're a human again, so probably."

"Sweet!" I yelled while I examined myself. Human me. I even had some pants and a t-shirt on "Fully clothed too, I was a bit worried about that."

"Why?" she asked.

"Human stuff."

"Ok..." she said.

"The only reason that I did this is because I would have wings and magic." I said, reaching back, "Soft."

"Really?" she asked in amazement.

"Wings." Then I smiled. "Best day in my entire life, so far."

I flapped my wings, I could fly. "Thanks Dash, see ya." I said. Then I ran off the edge of the cloud and dived off. It was so much fun to dive again that I almost forgot to spread my wings. I nearly hit the ground, but used my magic to stop myself. I ended up landing right next to Destiny and Ray.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Ray.

"It's Phil, back to human form." I said.

"How the fuck did that happen?" he asked.

"Shut up." I said. "I've been meaning to ask you, how did you get here?"

"No idea." said Destiny.

"Any idea on how to get back?" I asked.

"Only this piece of paper I found in my pocket when we got here." said Destiny, reaching into her pocket.

I grabbed the paper, and it was indeed instructions on how to go back to Earth. "You two wanna go back?" I asked.

"Hell yeah, I hate this world and all of the ponies in it." said Ray.

"Who are you talking to, Phil?" asked Rainbow.

"Destiny and Ray." I said, "They're new."

"Cool."

"Were you following me?" I asked.

"What's with the lesbian pony?" asked Ray.

Rainbow blushed and looked away, a tear in her eye. "Beat down time." I said with an angry glare in my eyes.

After Ray was out cold, I asked Destiny if she also wanted to leave.

"Yes, I miss my family, can you help us out?"

"Yeah, stand still." I said. I focused all of my magical powers into the spell that I learned from the piece of paper, and after a minute, cast the spell. "See ya!" I said as they were teleported away.

"Thanks for that." said Rainbow.

"My pleasure." I said.

She smiled and flew off.

"Look at all this damage I caused beating the shit out of Ray. I'm gonna have to fix this somehow." I said to myself. There was a building missing a wall at the end of the street, and there were black scorch marks all over the ground. "Or maybe if I take off, I won't be blamed." Then I did just that, took off. I didn't make it very far, because my stomach started rumbling. "Fix the problem equals free meal?" I asked myself, flying back.

When I got back, I started using my magic to fix the building. The pieces flew back to their original position and I sealed them together. I then used my magic to fix the ground up. When I was finished, it looked like there was no trace of a battle. "I did pretty good here." I said.

"Thanks for fixing our house." said a pony.

"That you, Lyra?" I asked.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I'm Phil."

"Phil? Why are you a human, weren't you a pony a few minutes ago?"

"Magic."

She thought about that, opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, then said, "I don't think that I can argue with that."

I remembered something that I forgot. "Listen, I gotta go tie up some loose ends, see ya." Then I flew off.

"Do any of my friends need help?" I asked myself. "Actually, no, it doesn't seem so." I landed, then reached back. "Still soft. Hold up a minute, Fluttershy's wings might be even softer." Then I flew to Fluttershy's cottage.

When I got there, I knocked on the door, and Fluttershy opened it.

"Uh, hi Phil" she said.

"Hi Fluttershy, got a weird question, can I use your wing for a second?"

"Huh?"

"Can I use you wing for a bit?" I repeated.

"Um... Ok, I guess." she said, moving her wing to me.

I reached my hand to it and said, "Soft, so soft." It was even softer than Rainbow's or my wing. "Thanks Fluttershy!" I said, walking away.

"That was it?"

"Yup. Wait a minute, Where is Canterlot?"

"It is over in that direction, next to the mountain." she said, pointing.

"If anybody asks, I'll be there."

"Why are you going to Canterlot?"

"I wanna see how soft the princess's wings are." I said, flying away.

"Be careful!" she called after me.

"Anything for the cutest pony around!" I called back.

"Uh..." she said, blushing.

"See ya!" I said, flying to Canterlot.

> Trixie
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

While I was on my way to Canterlot, I saw a pile of rubble on the road. I flew down to check it out.

"Help!" I heard.

"Where are you?" I called.

"Under the cart!" she said.

I found the cart and levitated it off of her. "You ok... Trixie?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, thank you. You seem to already know who I am, so who are you?" she asked.

"Name's Phil. What are you doing so close to Ponyville, learn any new spells that you want to trump Twilight with?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Doesn't matter, it prolly won't work."

"How do you know that?" she asked angrily.

"I'm a tad magic with a hint of psychic."

"Well how exactly do you know?"

"You wanna test your spells, try them on me, Twilight taught me, and if you can't beat me, you won't beat her."

"If you say so." she said. Then she charged up a spell, and everything went black.

"Wake up!" she yelled.

"Yo, what up?" I asked her.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Aw damn it! Am I a pony?" I asked, looking at my hand. "Yup."

"But how is this possible?"

"Did you happen to just shoot lightning at me?"

"Um..."

"That's too dangerous, you can't do that again."

"I'm sorry about that, but why did it happen?"

"Magic. Hit me again."

"What?"

"Zap me with lightning again."

"Why?"

"I'll turn back into a human, now do it."

"Um... Ok."

When I woke up, I was still a pony. "Oh well, that didn't work." I said, standing up on my back legs.

"Why are you standing like that?" she asked.

"I am different." I replied.

"I can see that."

"Don't bother going to Ponyville, you're just gonna hurt somepony and be shunned in all towns within a 98 mile radius." I said.

"Well where should I go?" she asked.

"Come with me, might as well."

"Where are you going?"

"Canterlot, wanna talk to a Princess, got a bit of a problem."

"What's the problem, maybe I could help." she asked.

"You can't help me with this, I sensed that something bad is going to happen earlier today, and had to give a bad excuse to my friend so I could leave. Although the excuse wasn't a lie, it was still bad." I said, starting to walk, "Coming?"

"Yes, wait up." she said.

"So how did your cart break?"

"I was practicing my spell, It didn't work."

"I noticed." I said with a laugh.

Trixie gave a chuckle and said, "Thanks for helping me."

"No problem." I said.

"I mean it, you saved my life, thank you."

"That's enough, Trixie, I got it." I said, patting her head.

"Did you just pet me?"

"Probably, let's go." I said, walking down the road.

"Alright then."

It took us 2 hours to get there, and I asked Trixie, "You got something to do here, or you gonna keep following me?"

"Well I didn't have anything planned, but..."

"Wanna talk to the Princess?" I asked.

"Yes, please. Can you do that?"

"I don't know, might as well try. We're already at Canterlot." I said.

I walked to a random pony and asked them where the princess was. They pointed to the palace on the mountain. I walked back to Trixie and asked her, "You ok with me flying you up there to see her?"

"I guess that's ok."

"Cool." I said, grabbing her and putting her on my back. "Hold on, Trixie!" I said to her, opening my wings. She tightened her grip and I leaped into the air, flying normally.

When we got to the palace, I landed on the balcony and was approached by a guard.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"Cliché as hell." I said.

"It may be cliché, but it gets the point across just fine. Why are you here?" he said.

"Me and my friend here want to talk to the Princess." I said, looking back at Trixie, who was still holding on for dear life, eyes wide. "You freaked out." I laughed.

"Shut up, Phil." she said, getting off.

"Hey Trixie, is your talk with the Princess informal?" I asked her.

"Yes, you could say that."

"As I was saying, I request an audience with the Princess, and my friend would just like to chat with her, if that's alright."

"Princess Celestia is busy."

"Can I talk to Luna?" I asked.

"She's sleeping right now."

"Damn it!" I said. "Yo Trixie, got anything to do to kill time?"

"We can get some lunch."

"Cool." I said, "Where to?"

"There's a diner near the bottom of the mountain."

"Can you teleport?"

"Yes."

"Meet ya there!" I said, diving off of the balcony. I opened my wings at the last second and drifted to the ground. "That was fun."

"Hi Phil!" said Trixie.

"Hey, how's it goin'?" I said without expecting an answer.

"Here it is, Phil." she said, pointing to the diner.

"Let's get some food, I'm buying." I said, walking in.

"That's nice of you." she said.

"I needed a minor distraction." I said.

"Huh?"

"Luna wasn't sleeping, she was wide awake."

"How did you know that?" she asked.

"Because I can see her right now."

"What?" asked Trixie, looking around.

"Order me some pancakes, I'll eat them later, gonna talk to Luna first." I said, handing her my bag o' bits.

"Sure you wanna trust me with this?" she asked jokingly.

"Run off with my money and I'll make sure you won't run again." I said. Then I laughed.

"Alright, see ya." she said, getting a table.

I walked to the table that Luna was at. "Great disguise, Luna." I said.

"How did you know? Who are you?" she asked.

"My name is Phil. I need to talk to you, something dangerous is going to happen in this world and I needed to talk to a ruler of Equestria before it did."

"What is it?" she asked.

"I need you to keep your voice down when I tell you." She nodded, "Discord will return, and the Elements will be useless against him this time."

"What?" she shrieked quietly.

I looked around the diner, nopony had heard her. "We have 3 months. Tell your sister. I'll be at Ponyville, staying with Twilight, if you need me." I said, walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"Food."

"What took ya, Phil?" asked Trixie.

"It was indeed Luna. I seem to have cut off any chance of you talking to her right now, sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, it was a childish idea."

"If you say so. Them's my pancakes?"

"Yup! Get eating!"

"Pancakes..." I said, mouth watering. I sat down and devoured the pancakes. "They were good pancakes."

"Wow, you like pancakes almost as much as I like pie!" said a stallion behind me.

"Hey Soarin'." I said.

"Hey, how ya doing?"

"Quite good."

"Alright, see ya around." he said, walking away.

"Say hi to Spitfire for me."

He looked at me and his eyes narrowed, "Why didn't you mention any other members?" he asked. Looks like Soarin' and Spitfire are in a relationship.

"Didn't mean it like that, if you don't want to say hi to her for me then don't."

"Be careful, Phil. Others are watching." said Trixie.

"Gotta wrap this up then." I said back.

Soarin' didn't look away, that probably wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Er... Gotta go!" I said, flying out the door.

"Get back here!" he yelled, flying after me.

He chased me through the air, slowly catching up. "That was probably a bad idea. Oh well, outrunning a Wonderbolt will do wonders for me, and Dash if I mention her at the right time. She trained me after all."

I waited until Soarin' was almost on me, "Think fast!" I said, putting on a full stop. Soarin' zoomed way ahead of me, trying to stop, or turn around, whichever.

"What's going on here!" asked an angry voice.

"Hey Spitfire!" I said. Then Soarin' tackled me and knocked me out of the air. We fought in a mess of hooves and heads on our way to the ground, exchanging blows. I got a lucky punch in, knocking him out cold, and grabbed his body before he could hit the ground.

"What the hell was that?" asked Spitfire.

"I kicked his ass, that's what it was." I said.

The next thing I knew was a hoof coming for my face, and me flying a solid four feet away. I didn't get up, but instead found a comfy position on the grass and tried to fall asleep.

"Get up!" she yelled.

"I don't wanna, it's comfy down here." I said.

She walked over to me and picked me up, then punched me again.

"Alright, that's enough." I said, getting up.

"So you'll fight back?" she asked.

"What is it with you and wanting to beat the shit out of me?"

"Soarin's out cold because of you, I'm not going to let you do that to my boy... Er, fellow member." she said, blushing.

"I get what's going on here."

"Please don't tell anypony." she said.

"Don't attack me again and I won't have to." I said.

"Fine." she said unhappily, walking back to Soarin'.

"Spitfire, we got a crowd from that little outburst, want me to make them clueless to you and Soarin'?" I asked her quietly.

"Please." she said.

My horn glowed and I released the spell. Some of the ponies that looked like they were thinking got a look of frustration on their face.

"What exactly did you do?" she asked.

"They can't put two and two together, so to speak. You're safe until somepony screws up again." I said, gesturing to Soarin', "He's got a temper."

"I know."

"Be seeing you then!" I said, flying back to the diner that I left Trixie at.

"Stop right there, criminal scum!" yelled a pegasus in royal armor.

"Ha! Oblivion reference." I said. "What do you need from me?"

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would both like to see you, immediately."

"Alright, just let me get my friend first." I said. "She's got my money."

"Alright, but we will follow you." he said.

"We?" I asked.

Three more guards appeared from behind some buildings and joined up with the first guard.

"Oh." I said, flying to the diner.

"Fly normally, son!" said a guard about me flying upside down.

"Never gonna happen." I replied.

"That's an order!"

"I will never fly normally." I said.

"You fly right or I'll make you!" he threatened.

I stopped in midair and looked him straight in the eyes, "Try it and see what happens." I said angrily.

He flew to me and raised his hoof.

"Touch me and you'll see if there's life after death." I threatened.

The guard thought about it a moment, then lowered his hoof, heeding the death threat.

I smiled and said, " Thank you."

The leader of the guards flew up to me and asked, "Would you really have attacked him if he did that?"

"Absolutely not, but I'm not just going to let him hit me." I said.

"Alright then." he said.

"We're here." I said, diving to the diner.

"Did that really need to take that long?" asked Trixie.

"Probably not, but hey, I got a meeting with the Princesses." I said.

"You did? How did you manage that?" she asked.

"Guards told me that they wanted to see me, maybe we can squeeze you in as well." I said.

"Thank you. Here's your money." she said, handing me my bag o' bits.

"Sweet." I said, then I turned to the guards, "Were ready."

"Good, now come with us." the leader said, flying away.

"Hey Trixie, wanna fly?" I asked.

"Yes, I think that I'm ready for it this time." she said.

"Alright then, hop on." I said, lowering my back. She got on and I said, "Hold on tight."

"Alright Phil."

I leaped from the ground and flew like a regular pegasus.

"How come you're flying correctly now?" asked the guard from before.

"Passenger." I said, gesturing to Trixie.

"This is wonderful." she said, lifting her head.

"I know." I said. "You feeling better now?"

"Yes I am, the last time I wasn't prepared."

"I saw that, you freaked out."

"Shut up." she said.

"You sure that's safe?" asked a guard.

"No, but it's too late now, were hundreds of feet in the air."

When we arrived, Trixie got off and we were taken to a private room with the Princesses. We both bowed, Trixie by lowering her head and me by crossing my arm over my chest and kneeling, and Trixie said, "It's an honor to meet you two."

"Yes." I agreed.

"Hello you two, was the flight ok?"

"It was wonderful!" said Trixie.

"It was fine." I said.

"She flew?" asked Celestia.

"I flew her myself." I said.

"Haven't heard of that in a while." she said.

"Why so?" I asked.

"For one, it's dangerous, and for two, usually when a pegasus flies another it is a symbol of love." she replied.

"Huh, did you know this, Trixie." I looked over my shoulder at her and she blushed. "Oh well, that aside, what's up with calling me here so soon, I told Luna that if you needed me that I would be at Twilight's."

"I wanted to make sure your information was correct." she said.

"Yeah, it was correct. Wouldn't really have a reason to lie to you. I guess. I can't think of one, at least."

"How can you be sure of this?"

"A touch of magic and a hint of psychic."

"Psychic?"

"Just a little. I mean it's not like I can predict the end of the world or anything."

"And you're sure of this?"

"Yeah, I thought we just went over that."

"Yes, we did. Now, how can we deal with this threat to Equestria?"

"I got two ideas. One, we could prevent him from escaping, which would only be temporary and difficult. Two, we let him escape and destroy his physical form."

"Why can't we destroy him as he is now?"

"I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't work. Also it would be more challenging than diamond compression with your bare hoofs."

"Why?"

"You'd have to defeat the Elements of Harmony in terms of magicivity. From what I've seen, not even Discord can do that. Going on the fact that you needed the Elements to defeat him, you won't manage to do it."

"Your logic is sound. You are smarter than you look." said Celestia.

"Gee, thanks." I said.

"Sorry."

"So... That was it. Trixie, if you wanna speak, do so now."

"Um... Ok, thanks."

I left the room and was approached by some guards again. "What's up this time?" I asked.

"We have been told to look after you for the time being."

"That's boring."

I left the castle, and they didn't follow me. "Wait, that doesn't make sense."

I felt myself falling, but I was still flying around.

"What... What's going on?"

"Kid, stop what you're doing and go home." I heard. It sounded a little like Discord, but wasn't him.

"Who's there? Show yourself!"

"You're gonna wanna stop."

"Or what?"

I felt the magic power in my body start to decrease.

"Kid, you have a lot of magic."

"Stop it!" I said.

My magic was near zero. I didn't know what happened at zero, but I didn't want to find out. I tried to sever the connection, but I didn't sense any of the sort. I tried to fly away, but couldn't move.

As a last resort move that I learned from Twilight, I compacted the rest of my magic into a sphere and transferred it to my chest, where it was unreachable for a while from inner or outer forces.

"You got lucky today, boy. You just weren't lucky enough. Goodbye."

> Music
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"At the hospital again." I said, getting up.

"Yup." said Nurse Redheart.

I examined myself, nothing out of the ordinary. "I feel good, can I go?"

"I don't see why not, you recover fast, but the Princess asked me to keep you here."

"What's up with her?"

"I don't know, she hasn't told me."

"I'm out. Don't tell the Princess" I said, opening the window and diving out.

"What did you say?" she asked. "Where'd you go?"

"What to do, what to do?" I asked myself. "Got about three months till Discord returns completely, better go read some muttafuggin books."

I arrived at Twilight's library and knocked on the door. No response. "You there Twilight?" I called. No response, so I walked in.

"Unsee, unsee, unsee, unsee, unsee, unsee…" I heard.

"Twilight?" I called, looking around for her. She was upstairs on her bed. She was curled up into a ball and was shaking.

"What happened Twilight?" I asked.

"Unsee, unsee, unsee." she said.

Behind her I saw that my iPod was on and it was on, "Oh Celestia." I said. Twilight had discovered /b/ before she was ready. "Twilight, just stay here and don't think. About anything. I need to get something that'll help. I'll be back." Then I rushed to Sugarcube Corner.

"Hi Phil!" said Pinkie when I got there.

"No time! I need some muffins, Twilight needs to unsee something." I said.

Pinkie understood what had happened and got two muffins for me.

"Thanks." I said, rushing back to Twilight.

I got there and Twilight hadn't moved at all. "This may sting a little." I said, shoving the muffins in her eyes.

"Ah!" she screamed, jumping off the bed, "What was that for?"

"You unsaw." I said.

Twilight thought about it and burst into tears, then hugged me. "It was so horrible! I used your iPod and saw a book so I clicked on it, and saw something called /b/. Oh Celestia, thank you!" she said, "Why would they do that?"

"Don't worry about it Twilight." I said, holding her close, "It can't hurt you anymore."

She calmed down and asked, "Why didn't you have the same reaction as me?"

"Rule 28. There will always be more screwed up stuff than what you just saw." I said.

"What?"

"I've seen worse." I said, "I'm used to the internet. I've been on it far too long to not have."

"A rule? There are rules? What other rules are there?"

"That's enough out of you missy." I said. "Let's go get some cupcakes."

"Yeah, that sounds like fun." she said, getting up.

I grabbed my iPod and looked at the history. "Lightweight." I said.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Nothing important." I replied, "Ladies first."

"Thank you." she said, walking out of the library.

I followed her and we made our way to Sugarcube Corner. "Hey Pinkie, I'm back." I said.

"Hi Phil! How did it go?" she asked.

"It went fine, but Twilight's such a lightweight." I said.

"How am I a lightweight?" she asked.

"Rule 28. You haven't even scratched the surface of the horrors of the internet yet." I said.

"I don't think I want to go on there ever again."

"That's good." I said. "Can we get some cupcakes? I'm buyin'."

"Phil, you get cupcakes free here!" she said, bouncing over.

"Don't treat me any different than a customer when I come in here for food, Pinkie, it isn't right." I said, handing her some bits.

"If you insist!" she said, getting some cupcakes for us.

"Got any hot sauce?" I asked.

She got a bottle from nowhere and gave it to me. I poured it all over my cupcake and ate it all in one bite. "Delish!" I said. Then I drank some hot sauce and set It down on the table. "That's some good sauce."

Pinkie smiled and poured some on hers, and Twilight looked at us with a look of disgust on her face. I saw it and said, "Alright Pinkie, that's enough. don't want to creep out my friend here."

Pinkie put the bottle away and ate regular cupcakes.

"Thanks." said Twilight.

I smiled and devoured another cupcake. "I gotta go." I said. "Something I wanted to do for a while."

"What's up?" asked Pinkie.

"Wanna talk to somepony, who's name escapes me. Never mind actually." I said, sitting back down. "Who was it?"

"Weird." said Twilight.

"It was somepony, I'm sure of it, but I can't remember who. Guess it doesn't matter, but I am going to leave." I said, standing up again.

"Where going?" asked Pinkie.

"Just going for a walk, care to join me?" I asked.

"I'll go." said Twilight.

"Oo! Oo! Me too! Me too!" said Pinkie, hopping happily.

"Alright then, let's go." I said, walking out.

"Where to?" asked Twilight.

"Just a walk, nowhere in particular until I find something to do." I said, walking down a street.

Pinkie looked like she was ready to explode.

"What's up Pinkie?"

"Somepony's birthday is today, but I don't know whose it is!" she replied.

"It's my birthday today." I said.

"What?" asked Twilight and Pinkie.

"Today's my birthday." I said.

At that, Pinkie was gone. I sighed.

"What's with the sighing?" asked Twilight.

"Nothing important." I said, resuming my walk.

"Phil!" I heard.

"That you Trixie?" I asked. Yup, Trixie.

She ran up to me and dived, crashing into me. She was sobbing a bit and hugged me. I hugged her back and asked, "Are you alright?"

"I was worried about you Phil. After you came back here, you were sent straight to the hospital! I thought something bad had happened to you." she said.

"Sorry for worrying you, Trixie. Are you ok?" I asked.

"I am now." she said. "Don't scare me like that again."

"Don't worry, it's me we're talking about. I'll be fine. I'm much more worried about you than me." I said.

"Thank you Phil." she said.

"So you're fine now?" I asked.

"Yeah." she said.

"That's good to know. You wanna walk with us? We really aren't going anywhere in particular."

"That would be nice." she said.

Nothing eventful happened for a while as we were walking. Trixie and Twilight were talking about magic and I was enjoying their company.

We passed a store and saw an unhappy customer inside complaining to an employee. Twilight wanted to go inside to help, but I stopped her saying, "Don't go in there, this problem will solve itself in a few seconds, and someone will get trolled."

"Trolled?" she asked.

"Messed with, usually deserving what they get. This is gonna be funny, maybe." I explained. Then I materialized some lawn chairs for them to sit at. "Take a seat, front row tickets."

Twilight and Trixie laid down on their chairs, and I fell in the grass, hands behind head, listening to the unhappy customer.

"What do you mean I can't have any hayburgers?" he yelled.

"Breakfast ends at 11:30, you can get you burgers then."

"Damn it! This place sucks, I want to see your manager!"

"My manager? Hold on a minute." said the cashier with an evil smile on his face.

"I know that smile." I said to Trixie and Twilight.

The 'manager', who was the pony in another uniform, came out of the back of the store and asked, "What's the problem here?"

"Your stupid cashier says that I can't have any hayburgers,"

"And you have a problem with that?" he asked. 'This guy is good.' I thought.

"Yes I have a problem with that! I want my damn burger!"

"Well, see ya in two hours then." he said, walking away.

"Get back here!" yelled the customer.

"Sir, if you don't leave the store, I'm going to have to throw you out."

"Go ahead and try it." he said.

At this point I got up and walked in. I went over to the troublemaking pony and said, "You probably should do what he says."

"Screw that! I want a burger!" he said.

I picked him up and threw him out of the building.

"Thanks for that, sir." the cashier told me.

"You were very successful at what you did." I replied.

I walked out and Twilight and Trixie were laughing a bit at what had happened.

"See? I told you that it was funny."

"He definitely wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed." said Twilight.

"That was pretty funny." said Trixie. "I need to go now, I have something to do right now. Goodbye Phil, Twilight."

"Goodbye Trixie!" we said, waving.

"Lets resume the pointless walk, shall we?" I asked Twilight.

"Oh yes, let's." she replied.

We walked silently for about twenty minutes, then I heard music.

"What's that?"

"What's what?" asked Twilight.

"Do you hear music?"

"I think I do, we must be near Vinyl's house." she said.

"Where is her house?"

"Four down on the left, why?"

"I recognize that style of music, it's one of my favorites, I want to listen."

"Alright then." she said.

The closer we got to the house, the louder the music was.

"This is too loud!" said Twilight, stopping.

"I'm going in, see ya later." I said, resuming constant speed.

Just then the song stopped and another started to play.

"SWEET!" I yelled. Vinyl had started a song I liked. "How did she get those? Did my iPod automatically hack into her sound system?"

I started to sing along quietly, and the music stopped midway through. I knocked on the door and Vinyl answered it.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Name's Phil, got some nice tunes, Vinyl." I said.

"I know, these new songs I found are pretty neat."

"Got any more?" I asked.

"Yeah, wanna listen?" she asked, inviting me in.

"Absolutely." I said, following her in.

"What songs you like?" she asked.

"Play another by the same artist."

"Don't have any more by him, don't even know who he is, or what the song name is."

"Really?" I asked.

She nodded.

"I can fix that." I said, pulling out my iPod. "You got headphone-to-speaker cords?"

"Yeah, give me a minute." she said, tossing some stuff around. "Here they are."

She gave them to me and I hooked them up. "Pick a number, 1-17."

"4." she said.

"Alright, four it is."

Vinyl listened to the song for a while. I closed my eyes and slowly head banged to the beat, I knew that she was doing something similar. Then the song ended, and she looked disappointed.

"Let's hear more!" she said.

"Can't, gotta go."

She looked sad when I said this.

"What do you play your music on?" I asked, taking my iPod.

"I play them with my recording studio." she said.

"Can I see it?" I asked.

"Sure." she said, showing it to me.

"I'm going to put some similar songs onto here." I said.

"You can do that?" she said excitedly.

"Yeah, gimme a second." I said, using my magic to copy my songs to her device. I told her how to access them, and she immediately picked one.

"This one sounds completely different." she said.

"I know, don't worry about it. Same guy, just different music styles. Also maybe a few more artists got in." I explained.

"Cool."

"This one's my favorite actually." I said.

"It's great!" she said.

"I know, I gotta go, see ya." I said.

She followed me upstairs and showed me out the door.

I opened the door and stopped. I turned around and looked at Vinyl's glasses.

"What's up?" she asked.

"You." I said.

"Huh?"

I reached up and took her glasses from her, then felt a solid whack on the jaw as she uppercutted me. I flew out the door and landed on the soft grass, dropping the glasses.

"I knew it."

"What?" she asked angrily, retrieving her glasses.

"Your eyes are red." I said, getting up. "Sorry 'bout taking your glasses, just had to know if I was right."

"Don't do it again or I'll sock ya harder." she said.

"I would imagine." I said, then I smiled, "Your eyes are beautiful."

She blushed when I said that.

"I gotta say, you are an awesome pony. I'm not the only one from where I come from who thinks so as well. Thousands think you're awesome where I come from. You're awesome, and you should feel awesome."

"Wow, I... Wait, where exactly do you come from?"

"Different planet altogether. Y'know, everybody only saw you for about three seconds and you're one of the most loved ponies there is."

"What are you talking about?"

"Whatever, I'm out. See ya later, Vinyl Scratch."

"Um, bye Phil."

"Yo Vinyl, got anything for me to do? I'm drawing a blank over here."

"Sorry, can't help ya there."

"Alright." I said, walking randomly. Then I remembered something, "The princess is going to be so pissed when she finds out that I'm not there." Then I thought about it, "She is going to be at the hospital to check on me in maybe three minutes and I'm a couple of miles away. Time to fly!"

I spread my wings and ran foreword. I kicked off of a rock on the ground and launched myself into the air. "Flying is so much fun." I said.

"Look out!" yelled Rainbow.

I looked at her and it seemed like she couldn't stop. She was so close to me. My senses quickened and the world around me slowed for an instant. I caught Rainbow and stopped her.

"What's going on?" I asked calmly, placing Rainbow on my stomach and put my hooves behind my head, lazily flying at a casual pace.

"Sorry about that." she said.

"Don't worry about it, are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." she said. "But are you ok?"

"Stop worrying about me. Let me tell you something, if something happens to me, I'll always be fine, I'm good like that. But if something happens to you, you could really hurt yourself. You need to be more careful than me." I said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Prolly, gonna get hurt soon if I keep living the way I have. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it though."

"Alright then." she said.

"Time to move, Rainbow." I said.

"Sorry about that." she said, blushing.

"Race you to the hospital." I said, this got her back to normal.

"You're on!" she said.

"On my mark, 3...2...1!" I yelled.

Rainbow rushed forward and left me in the dust. I kept my slow pace. When she was way ahead of me, I picked up the pace and put forth a burst of speed that would've tore something up, if there was anything around me to tear. This speed burst created a sonic boom. Rainbow had heard it but continued to fly. I passed her in seconds and zoomed ahead to the hospital. I opened my wings fully and used my magic to come to a full stop.

"What was that?" yelled Rainbow when she got to me.

"I went fast." I replied smugly.

"I saw that, I was talking about that boom. Did you do a sonic rainboom?"

"Close but no cigar. I did a regular sonic boom. Same thing, just less colors. Y'see, I infused my flying with a bit of magic, creating a pseudo-teleport. The difference being that it was only speed, and not a real teleport. Even so, I got really lucky."

"Why?"

"The sonic boom should've ripped my body to shreds, since it didn't, that's good."

"Rip your body to shreds?" she asked.

"Enough of the body ripping, I gotta meet Luna in about…" Then I dashed to my room and laid in the bed, "Two seconds."

"What about two seconds?" asked Luna, opening the door.

"Nothing important." I said. "What's up?"

"I need to ask you a few questions."

"Alright, shoot."

"How did you know what you did?"

"Just a bit of human intuition. I had given it some thought, then I realized what would happen. It was like a spark was lit up in my head."

"Alright then. Are you sure that your information about Discord was accurate?"

"Yes. I told you, very sure. Something will happen when the time comes. I will fight it, alone preferably."

"Why do you wish to fight it alone?"

"I don't want anypony hurt. Not you, not Celestia, nopony. If I go in alone, I can remove the battle from the area and have a 43% chance of being able to finish it and rid the world of the problem."

"How can you be able to do that? Why are you so sure of what you could do?"

"I got a bit of a boost. I came to another universe. Breathed it's air, drank it's water. It's all different. I feel different. Like I could actually do something with my life. I'm stronger, I know I am, and all that's left to do is prove it."

"That was quite the phrase."

"Is that all?" I asked.

"No, Twilight has informed me that you never wished to kill, yet there have been rumors of you making death threats around the kingdom."

"They're all empty, I have no wish to follow through with any of them. I may give someone a good thrashing, but I won't kill them." I said. "They can get back up and attack again, but if I've beaten them once, I can do it again."

"Yes that's all I wanted to know." she said, walking away.

"Wait up!" I said, getting up and walking over to her.

"What do you need?"

"Can I use your wing for a second?" I asked.

"My wing? Why?" she asked.

"Just wanna feel it, wings are soft." I said.

"I see no problem with that." she said, turning so I could.

I reached forward and touched it. "Soft." I said. 'It's even softer than Fluttershy's wing.' I thought. My hand acted strange and I examined it closer. "What the hell?"

"What did you do?" she asked.

"My hand, it's human again." I said, lifting my hand. "Looks like it's time for another bolt of lightning!"

> Birthday
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why do you need lightning?" she asked.

"Ima turn back into a human." I said. When I said this, Luna gave out a slight change in attitude, 'What was that about?' I thought.

"Turn back into a human?" she asked.

"You can use lightning, right?" I asked.

"Well yes, of course I can, why?"

"Follow me." I said, jumping out the window. She followed me out and I landed on the ground. "Hit me with the biggest bolt that you can make."

"But you'll get hurt!" she protested.

"I Pinkie swear that I'll be fine. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Alright then, get ready." she said, charging a spell.

"3...2...1... FIRE!" I yelled, then blacked out.

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"Twenty minutes, but you're gonna want to see this." said Nurse Redheart, giving me a mirror.

I grabbed it and saw that I did indeed have fingers. "Cool." I said. Looking into the mirror, I saw that my left eye was different. "Why is it still a pony eye?" Then I examined the rest of myself.

My left arm was still pony. Same with my right leg. I hopped up and tested them by doing some pushups and balance exercises. They didn't hinder, so I looked past them. My wings and horn were still there. Then I noticed something awesome. "I still have a tail!" I exclaimed happily. "This is so freakin' awesome!"

"Are you ok Phil?" asked Luna, walking in.

"Just fine, but are you ok? You look sad." I asked her.

"I thought that I hurt you." she said, looking down.

"Luna, Please don't worry about me. I Pinkie promised, I will never break a Pinkie promise." I said walking over to her.

She didn't look up, she must've felt terrible about it.

I put my arm around her and said, "I'm always going to be fine. Remember that."

"Do you Pinkie promise?" she asked.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I said.

"Thank you Phil." she said.

"Let's get some cupcakes." I said, diving out the window again.

Luna followed me out and we walked to Sugarcube Corner. Luna actually tried to copy my style of walking, but fell over. I laughed, and she blushed.

"Takes a bit to get it right. Took me like a week."

"It was fun until I fell over."

"Wanna know now, magic teachings?"

"You can do that? I would like to walk like you, it's fun."

I charged up a spell and touched Luna with my horn. Then she stood up like me and stood a few inches below me.

"I just realized how tall I am here." I said. I was towering above the ponies in the street and was taller then Luna. "Cool."

"The fun has been doubled!" Luna yelled, running around.

"I'm sure it has." I said. Then I felt a tug at my tail. I looked back and saw Lyra with my tail in her mouth. She looked angry. "I know what you want." I said, charging the spell and touching her head with my horn.

She stood up and hugged me. "Thank you Phil, you don't know how much this means to me."

"Why weren't you able to get it down yourself?" I asked. "No offence, but it wasn't really that hard."

"After many months of attempting to learn how, I had made no progress in walking upright."

"Must be locked to ponykind. Wanna come with me to get some cupcakes with Luna? I'm buying."

"That would be nice." she said, walking with me, Luna prancing about like a kid with a new toy.

"Come on Luna." I called, "We got cupcakes to eat."

"Sorry, I got a little carried away." she said walking over to us.

"We look cool." I said.

"Are you sure?" asked Luna.

"No. Let's go." I said, walking to Sugarcube Corner.

When we arrived, the lights were off inside. "What's going on here?" I said to myself, walking in, Luna and Lyra following closely behind. "It's so dark in here, I can't see anything." Then I thought a bit, "Wait a minute..."

"SUPRISE!" yelled the ponies in the room after the lights flicked on.

I jumped into the air and hit my head on the ceiling. When I stood up again, all of my friends were there, ready to celebrate my birthday.

"Wow you girls, thank you." I said, smiling like an idiot.

"Happy birthday Phil!" said Pinkie, bouncing over to me.

"Did you make this Pinkie?" I asked.

"Sure did!" she said, handing me some cake.

"Thank you Pinkie." I said.

"Oh just eat your cake." she said.

"Gladly!" I said, digging in. "This is some awesome cake!"

"Enjoy your party!" she said, hopping away.

I walked over to the table and got some cake, then walked back, "Hey Luna, Lyra, looks like it's just cake. Eat up!" I said, giving them a piece each.

They smiled and chowed down, and I went to talk with my friends. The Mane 6 and Trixie were there. "I love my friends." I said to myself.

"I love your friends too." said Trixie, walking over to me.

"You heard that?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Yup. How have you been?" she asked.

"I've been fine." I said.

She noticed the changes with my body. "What happened to you?" she asked.

I looked at my arm and leg. They were still pony, and my eye and tail were still there as well. "No idea, I told Luna to zap me and this happened. I'm a human-pony mix I guess. It's so cool." I said.

"If you say so." she said. Then she blushed ever so slightly.

I looked at her and found out what she wanted, "Do you want to fly again?" I asked.

"Was it that easy to tell?" she asked.

"Yep, how 'bout it?"

"Yes please." she said.

I walked outside and she follower, along with the rest of the partygoers. "Ready?" I asked.

She nodded and I picked her up and put her on my back. I opened my wings, they've grown and looked very cool. I leaped into the air and flew around a bit, Trixie enjoying the ride.

"Having fun?" I asked.

She didn't answer, she didn't have to. I knew that she was having a blast. I was having fun as well, flying without a purpose. It was soothing.

After a few minutes, I angled to our friends and started a descent. When I got to the ground, Trixie got off and smiled, "Thank you Phil." she said.

"Yeah, no problem. Flying is fun." I said, then I remembered what Celestia said about doing that. I didn't care, Trixie was my friend, I would fly any of my flightless friends.

Luna was watching me fly Trixie this whole time, and she was blushing a bit. 'What is up with the pony Princess?'

"Anypony else want a ride?" I asked.

Before I could blink, Pinkie zoomed right up to me and hopped around like a madpony. "OO! OO! OO! OO! ME! ME! I WANNA GO!" she yelled, hopping on a near violent level.

I grabbed her and set her on my back. "Ready Pinkie?" I asked.

"GO! GO! GO!" she yelled excitedly.

"You gotta calm down a bit Pinkie." I said, taking off.

Pinkie Pie was so happy that she almost lost it again. She admired the beautiful surroundings, the speed that I was going was just right for her. She even stood up and closed her eyes, feeling the wind on her face. After a while, I took her down and she hopped off.

"Who's next?" I asked. This was getting fun.

Rarity approached me and hesitated for a second. I looked at my human hand, it was covered in dirt. I used my magic and an aura formed around my body, pulling the dirt off. "How's that?" I asked. She smiled and I picked her up and put her on my back, then flew off.

"How's the flight?" I asked.

"It's beautiful." she said. The sun was beginning to go down and her coat was glistening in the sunset.

"You're so shiny." I said, looking back at her.

She examined her coat and said, "It would seem so."

When I landed, Applejack and Twilight had yet to go, and neither stepped forward. "Don't wanna go? The sun's setting, it's beautiful right now." I said.

This convinced them and they were both thinking. Twilight seemed like she was about to say something, but Applejack beat her to it. "Ah would like to fly." she said.

'Isn't she afraid of heights? Doesn't matter, if she wants to, I'll take her.' "Alright then." I said, scooping her up.

"Uh…"

"Ready?" I asked.

"Can you take it easy?" she asked. "Ah'm a bit afraid of heights."

"Just a bit huh? Alright, I'll take it easy. Hold on." I said, taking off.

Applejack was instantly regretting her decision. "Ah think that's enough, I wanna get down now."

"You've only been up here for three seconds." I said.

Applejack whimpered and squeezed tight around me.

"Do you trust me, Applejack?" I asked.

"What?" she said, shaking.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course ah do, you're mah friend."

"Then trust me when I say that you'll be safe. I won't let you get hurt. Trust me." I said, slowing down to Tank-like speeds.

"Alright, ah'll trust you." she said, calming down. She stopped shaking, but didn't loosen her grip.

"Open your eyes, Applejack. Look at the sunset." I said.

"It's breathtaking." she said, mesmerized by the sunset.

We both looked into the sunset and admired it's beauty. Then the sun went past the horizon and I took her down.

"Thank you Phil." she said.

"Hope you feel better about the sky soon, that place is great." I said with a laugh.

By this time, most of the ponies that had attended my party had left. It was just me and Twilight now.

"Look's like it's your turn, Twilight."

"But the sun's down now." she said.

"That's the kind of attitude that made Nightmare Moon appear." I said, picking her up. "And besides, the night is more beautiful than the day."

"If you say so." she said.

I flew her all around Ponyville and she gazed at the sky. I heard a popping sound and realized that Twilight was uncomfortable. I arched my back down, then back up quickly, forcing Twilight into the air. She screamed and I turned around, letting her land on my stomach.

"Flying upside down is better." I said, relaxing.

"Don't ever do that again." she said.

"Alright, but look up." I said.

She did, and saw what I saw, the night sky was covered in beautiful stars and the moon was full tonight. I flipped her over and put her back on my stomach, holding on to her.

"See why I think the night is more beautiful than the day?" I asked her.

She smiled, "Yeah."

We gazed at the stars and relaxed while I floated through the sky, me holding on to her.

The next thing I knew, I fell asleep, still in the air. I was subconsciously flying and Twilight hadn't realized that I was asleep. It appeared that nothing had changed. Then Twilight rolled over and fell asleep on her side, still thinking that I was asleep.

When I woke up, we were both on the ground next to her house. 'That was the most dangerous thing that I have ever done in my entire life.' I thought, 'At least we're safe.'

Twilight was still sleeping on me, so I didn't try to move. Then I heard a d'aww. I looked around and saw Rainbow Dash and a pony that I didn't recognize next to her. I looked at his Cutie Mark, a mouth, 'Celestia, I hope that doesn't mean that he's a blabbermouth.' I nodded in their direction, and the one I didn't recognize left.

"Hey there sleepy head." said Rainbow, trying to hold in a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You, and Twilight, sleeping together." she said, "It's just too much."

"I'm going to kill you while you sleep." I joked.

She gave another little laugh and said, "What happened after I left? What did I miss?"

"I gave Twilight a ride like the other ponies. We gazed at the stars and fell asleep in the air."

"In the air?"

"In the air."

"That would explain the skid marks." she said. Sure enough, there was a trail of dirt leading to where I landed and my wings and back hurt.

"Alright, that's enough, don't wake Twilight." I said.

Rainbow Dash stifled a laugh and said, "Be seeing you then."

"Best birthday ever." I said, falling back asleep.

> Contest
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was some great sleepage." I said. I got up and tried to stand, but was pulled into the air by a rope around my feet.

The world slowed around me, I'm going to call this reaction time from now on, and I bent my knees. When the rope picked me up, I reached up and grabbed it, climbing the rope and going over the branch above me. I jumped off of the branch.

"Whoa, that was cool!" said Scootaloo.

"I know that it was cool, I did it after all." I said.

"How did you know I did that?"

"I didn't, I just reacted quickly." I said, taking off the rope.

"Reacted?"

"Don't bother, I don't even know." I said, "Now, why exactly was I tied up?"

"I thought it would be funny to prank you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, be cunning. You're right, it would've been funny. Gotta do better next time. Now, Ima go get some cupcakes. Want some? Follow me."

"Cupcakes!" she said happily.

We walked to Sugarcube Corner and ate some cupcakes. "Still great cupcakes." I said.

"Thanks Phil!" she said.

"Yup!" I said. I looked at my bag o' bits, "Getting a little light."

"You should sign up for the competition if you want some bits." she said.

"Where would I do that?" I asked

"Follow me!" she said, walking out of the shop.

"Aight."

I followed her to Town hall and she showed me a sign-up list.

"Competition, a measure of physical power, hosted by the Mayor. Sweet Apple Acres at 3:00. Cash prize." I read off. There were seven names on the list, but two stood out, Applejack and Big Mac.

"Looks like I have some sizable competition."

"What was that?"

"Big Mac's competing as well."

She looked at the list, "What about Applejack?"

"She's not nearly as strong as Big Mac." I said, "Better get ready." I signed my name on the list and walked away. "Thanks for telling me, Scootaloo."

"Thanks for the cupcakes!" she said happily.

She walked to some random place and I walked to another random place. "Now, how to prepare?" I asked myself. "It's a physical competition, so I should rest, it's 12, so I got three hours."

"Hi Phil." said Applejack.

"Hey, how's it going?" I asked.

"Feeling pretty good."

"Oh? Why so?"

"The competition coming up has a cash prize, and Big Mac's gonna fix up the farm with that money." she said happily.

"I wanna see how I do against him." I said.

"You joined as well?" she asked, looking down.

"Don't worry Applejack, if I win, I'll give most of the winnings to the farm. That is a very certain if." I said.

"Really?" she asked, looking up again with a smile on her face.

"Yeah, but you still gotta try your best, I don't like hollow victories." I said.

"You bet your cupcakes ah will."

"See ya then!" I said.

"Bye!"

She walked away and I flew up into the air. I looked up, then it occurred to me, "I haven't been to Cloudsdale yet! Tomorrow I'll ask Rainbow if she can show me around. Or not, whatever."

Then I landed and walked around for a place to rest, maybe under a tree. Then I heard some music.

"This isn't where Vinyl lives, so who is it this time?" I followed it to the source. "Classical music."

It wasn't coming from a house, it was coming from a small stage at the end of the road. It was Octavia and she was playing her cello.

"Neat." I said, snapping a picture like Bender. "Oh wait, I don't have a camera." Then it disappeared.

She had a small crowd watching her and I joined them. Octavia played her tune for a few more minutes, then opened her eyes and bowed. The ponies clapped by tapping the ground with their hooves. Not me, I clapped like a human, although not as violently as I would've liked to, I really like clapping violently. This drew attention to me, and I ignored their stares. I stopped after a minute and smiled.

Octavia smiled, and closed her eyes, playing another song. This one was a bit different, not much, but a little. I didn't know what was different until I spotted another cello on the stage. 'This song requires two players.' I thought.

None of the other ponies have noticed, they thought that it was a normal song, all of their eyes are closed. Octavia had a disappointed look on her face, but kept playing. 'She expects someone to play.'

I could, but not as beautifully as she is. "Ah, what the hell." I said to myself.

I walked onto the stage quietly and levitated the second cello to me, nopony noticed. I waited until the right moment, then started to play. This added music surprised everypony around, and they all looked at me, even Octavia.

"You have a good taste in music." she said.

I smiled and closed my eyes and she did the same, continuing the song. She played the main part and I played what I thought it was missing.

When she stopped, I stopped, and we bowed. The ponies all clapped like I did earlier, and I smiled like an idiot.

"I didn't think anypony would've noticed." she said.

"Like you said, I have a good taste in music. That was pretty fun."

"I'm glad you think so." she said.

I took out my iPod and checked the time. "One, two hours left." I said.

"Until what?" she asked.

"Gotta be at Sweet Apple Acres for the competition."

"That's barbaric."

"I know, but it pays for my cupcakes." I looked in my bag o' bits, enough. "Speaking of which, want a cupcake?"

"That would be nice, but I need to put my cello away at home." she said, putting away the stringed instrument.

"What about the other one?"

"It's not mine."

"Really?"

"It was there when I started."

"Cool." I said, walking over to it. It was engraved. It had my name. "The hell? What's with this thing? My name's on this."

"Really? Guess that means that it's yours." she said.

"I'm ok with that." I said, picking it up. When I picked it up, it disappeared. "Yup, mine. Only my stuff would disappear randomly." I thought about playing it, and it reappeared. "That's useful." Then it disappeared.

"That's odd." she said.

"I know. I'm odd, so it's a great match. I don't even know where it came from, someone must be looking out for me." I said, "Enough about that cool instrument, let's go get some cupcakes."

"Cello first." she said.

"Lead the way."

She brought me to her house and went inside to put her cello away. I got out my cello and examined it. I thought about a violin, and it changed shape. "Sa-weet!" I yelled.

"What happened to you, and where did that violin come from?"

"Magic instrument!" I said, changing it into a saxophone. "This is gonna be fun."

"What?" she asked.

I started to play the instrument, I think everybody here should know what I played. About 30 seconds of Epic Sax Guy.

"That was fun. Alright then." I said, tossing the saxophone into the air, making it disappear, "Onwards to Sugarcube Corner. Let's go get some cupcakes!"

We walked to Sugarcube Corner and ate some awesome cupcakes. I looked at my bag. "Empty. No more cupcakes for a while." I said. I looked at the clock, "Two, one hour."

"Hope you do well." she said.

"Me too." I said, "Hope I don't meet another pony nice like you in that time."

"Why not?"

"I would wanna buy them a cupcake, that's how I am." I said.

"Thank you, you're nice." she said.

I smiled and got up, "See ya Octavia!"

"How did you know my name?"

"You didn't tell me?"

"I don't think so."

"Twilight told me." I lied, "My name's Phil."

"You're Phil?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No, never mind." she said.

"What did you hear?" I asked.

"You're famous here in Ponyville. You saved the town from a dragon, you befriended the Princesses, and most of the town already respects you." she said.

"Don't forget being friends with a beautiful pony with a lot of musical talent." I said.

She blushed. "Yeah."

"I gotta go, see ya." I said, walking out.

"Bye Phil." she said.

I waved goodbye and took off towards Sweet Apple Acres. "To be honest, tacos." I said to myself. I looked at my iPod, "Thirty minutes left."

When I got there, the competition was already prepared. The mayor was overseeing production and some ponies that I didn't recognize were setting up the contest.

"Cool." I said. I flew up to the barn and saw Applejack talking to Big Mac. I decided to listen in.

"You still need to try your best Big Mac." said Applejack.

"Eeyup." he said.

I walked in and said, "How ya doing?"

"Pretty good." said Applejack.

"How 'bout you Big Mac? Feeling pretty good?"

"Eeyup."

"That's good, hope you do well in the contest." I said.

"Thank you, Phil." said Big Mac.

"Anything that'll help." I said, walking out. I found a nice shady tree to rest under, and closed my eyes.

"Looks like we had the same idea." said another pony, resting next to me.

"You in the contest too?"

"Yes I am."

"Cool."

We rested until we heard the Mayor. Then I got up and saw that the other pony was sleeping. I tapped him and woke him up. "Come on dude, it's starting." I said.

"Thanks man, didn't think you'd wake me."

"Gotta go, she's calling off the names." I said.

We walked over to the stage that the other contestants were on.

The Mayor called off the names one by one, and the crowd cheered after each one.

"Big Macintosh!" she called.

Applebloom and Granny Smith were cheering very loudly.

The Mayor called the name of the pony that rested with me, Omega.

The crowd didn't cheer as loud as they had previously, they looked confused.

"That's a cool name." I told him.

"I know." he replied.

"Phil!" the Mayor called off.

The entire crowd cheered, more than any other pony on stage. I stood up proudly and thought, 'Octavia was right, I am famous here.'

The Mayor finished calling off the names and said, "Thank you for participating in this event."

Omega turned to me and said, "Did we miss something?"

"Seems like it, we missed introductions, doesn't really matter."

"Probably not."

Applejack walked over to me and said, "It's a tournament style competition, now it's time to go do some work."

"You heard her Omega, tournament." I said, "Let's get going."

An hour later, it was me, Big Mac, Omega, and another unnamed pony left out of the eight. Applejack was beaten when she faced Omega. I was amazed by his power.

"This round is a bucking competition, furthest two barrel buck go in a head to head competition of their choice." said the Mayor.

"Ready?" I asked them.

They all nodded. Four barrels were set down for us. We all took our respective stances, then kicked them. Mine and Omega's went out of sight. Big Macs went past the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. The other's went a few hundred feet.

"Omega, where did our go?" I asked.

"I have no idea."

"Does this mean we won?"

"I think so."

"Mayor, who won?" I asked.

"I think it would be you two." she said.

"Huh. Y'hear that, Omega? We won!"

"That's great!" he said.

"Wow." the Mayor said, "That was amazing!"

"I know, I'm the one who did it after all." we both said at the same time.

"So you two, what will you choose as your next event?" she asked.

"Omega?"

"I don't know. You?"

"I can think of one."

"Lemme hear it."

"Hoof fight?"

"That sounds great."

"We're decided on a hoof fight." I said.

"The next event will be... A hoof fight!"

A medium sized group of ponies started to make a ring in an open area. They worked quickly, they must've been ready for anything.

"Step into the ring." she said, walking over to the fighting ring. We both stepped in and she said, "This will end when one party gives up, is deemed unconscious, or is removed from the ring. No eye gouging or hitting between the legs. Got all that?"

We nodded and moved to our respective corners. It was getting late and some lights were put up. Then the bell sounded and we moved to the center. We were circling each other, trying to find an opening.

"Come on Phil!" he taunted, "Come at me bro, unless you're chicken."

"I am not Scootaloo." I said, moving in closer. I dropped my guard and derped up my face.

"Wha?" he started, then I punched him in the face, sending him back. He flipped over in the air and ran at me. He swiped at my legs and I jumped up, avoiding the attack.

"What was that?" I asked, trying to anger him.

He ran at me again and hit me in the gut, then I grabbed his arm and tossed him into the air. I jumped up, about to hit him, but he spun around and hit me in the face, sending me into the ground. "That was pretty good." I said, getting up.

He landed and said, "Thanks, you're not too bad yourself."

"This isn't gonna be easy on either of us."

"Then let's keep going." he said, running at me.

The fight had been going for three hours now, and the moon was coming up. I felt that the tide of the battle had shifted a little and I was pushing him back. 'I'm the same amount of tired that he is, we were perfectly matched when it started, and we should be perfectly matched now. Am I stronger during the night?' I thought.

I decided to roll with my new-found strength and pushed forward even harder than before. I pushed him up against the ropes and kept going, connecting more punches than earlier.

I slipped on a rock and tripped a little. He took this chance to get a punch in, a big one. The world slowed around me once again as my reaction time was activated. I grabbed his hoof and pulled on it, pulling him off of the ground. I spun around and tossed him up into the air, then jumped after him. I pulled my fist back and released, connecting with his chin.

I landed on the ground and looked up at him, he was out, and he couldn't stop. "Omega!" I yelled, jumping out of the ring to catch him. I made it just in time and caught him before he hit the ground. He woke up and grabbed my neck. "What are you doing?" I struggled to get out.

"How did you like the fight?" he asked.

I grabbed his arm and some other ponies came to help me. A magical surge was released from his body and the ponies were thrown back. Then he said, "Don't worry Phil, you still have a friend in Omega. I am controlling him."

"Discord." I said angrily.

"Ding! Now I want you to answer me, how is it that you were able to best him in a fair fight?"

"I think that I drew power from the moon." I said.

"Really? That actually makes sense. I hate making sense."

"Are you going to let me go now?"

"Oh sure, I got what I wanted to know." he said, releasing me, "87 more days left." Then Discord left Omega's body and he fell over again.

"Omega! Are you ok? Wake up!" I yelled.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked.

"You ok?"

"I think you knocked out a few of my teeth." he said.

"So you'll be fine?"

"I'm good."

The Mayor came up to me and asked, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, now about that prize, was it me or Omega who won?"

"I think that you won that."

"Sweet." I said, getting up. I looked around, There were ponies all around me. "That was fun."

"Sure was."

"Let's go get some prize money." I said.

"Sounds like a plan to me." he said.

Just then, Pinkie Pie came out of the crowd and hopped around me. "That was great, Phil!" she said.

Rainbow Dash was next, and my other friends followed her. "That was so awesome." she said, raising her hoof. I raised mine and tapped hers, brohoof.

"You alright Phil?" asked Twilight.

"I'm great! Thanks for asking." I said.

"Don't crowd the winner just yet." said the Mayor, "Phil, Omega, follow me."

We followed he to the stage and showed us where to stand. Big Mac was already there, standing on the one with the three on it, and the other pony was standing next to him.

"Go stand in second place, Omega." she said, "Phil, in first."

We walked to our respective positions and the Mayor started the ending ceremony.

"Ladies and gentlecolts, I give you our winners. In third place, Big Mac! In second place, Omega! Last but not least, the champion, Phil!"

Big Mac looked normal, and Omega jumped for joy. I just stood there, smiling like an idiot.

The Mayor gave us some trophies and gave each of us a bag of bits. I pocketed my trophy, it wasn't that big. I got 3000, Omega got 1000, and Big Mac got 500. I grabbed around 2000 of mine and gave them to Big Mac. He smiled wide and said, "Thank you Phil."

"You did your best, that's what I wanted to see. All I buy is cupcakes, I don't need that much. Have fun!" I said.

"Eeyup."

"What are you going to do now Omega?"

"Fix my teeth."

"Good luck with that." I said.

Then I started to walk away, and a pony grabbed my tail. I looked back and saw some ponies lineup behind the one that grabbed my tail. "Autographs?" I asked. She nodded and let go of my tail. I bent down and grabbed the pen I keep in my shoe. "Who's first?"

Three hours later, my hand was cramping up and I was really tired. I looked at the line, four left.

After I was done, I walked away. "Where are you going?" asked Pinkie.

"Cupcakes." I said, "Meet you there."

Pinkie Pie dashed to Sugarcube Corner and I followed her. I fell down on my way there. "I'm tired."

I got there and crashed into the door. I opened it and went to the counter. "Hey Pinkie, can I get a cupcake?" I asked.

"Coming up!" she said, handing me a cupcake.

"Sweet." I said. Then I ate it and tried to pay her, but she said winners discount. I wasn't going to argue with her, I did win after all. "See ya Pinkie." I said, walking out.

"You gonna be ok?" she asked.

"Probably." I said.

I walked out of the store and fell down again. I started to use my less tired wings and flew myself up to a nearby cloud. It was so soft, I fell asleep instantly, not noticing that Rainbow Dash was sleeping on the same cloud, a few feet away.

> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up and it was still kind of dark out. Rainbow was right up against me. 'Didn't see that coming. Unless I did, then I would have.' I thought. 'She wasn't up against me when I got here, trolling eminent, when she wakes up.'

I didn't have to wait long, because she woke up and stretched her arms and legs.

"Hey there sleepy head." I said.

She gave out a yell and jumped up, "Phil! Don't do that!" she said.

I smiled and said, "How'd you sleep?"

"Uh..."

"I woke up like, ten seconds before you." I said.

"It was cold." she said, blushing heavily, wings open.

I laughed and said, "I know it was cold. Don't worry 'bout it. Ponies are warm, I happen to know."

She was still blushing and said, "I saw it."

"I know you saw it, and what's his face. Whoever he was. Long as rumors don't get out of hand it doesn't really matter."

"Um..."

"Whatever, Ima go back to sleep, see you in a few hours." I said, getting comfy.

She calmed down a bit and said, "Still cold out."

I looked at her and laughed a little, then gestured her over to me. She hesitated a little, then laid on my stomach, and I put my arm over her, then smiled. She blushed a bit, then fell asleep.

"I love my friends." I said, falling back asleep.

When I next woke up, Dash was moving like a crazy pony, probably having a nightmare.

"Nightmares suck." I said.

She looked very unhappy, so I decided to do something about it. I charged a spell and touched her head, entering her mind.

'If it's not a nightmare, I'm out, ASAP.' I thought.

It was a nightmare. I was on a cloud. I saw Rainbow flying after the Wonderbolts. She had been crying. She wasn't catching up, they were losing her. "I know what's going on, and how to fix it."

I started cheering for Rainbow, louder and louder. She was confused, then realized what was going on. She saw me cheering, and she put on some extra speed. She was catching up now.

"You can do it Dash!" I cheered.

I created a projection of her friends next to me, and they started cheering too. Rainbow was almost on them now.

Fluttershy started to cheer loudly, and surprised everypony, everypony except me of course. I smiled, and Rainbow smiled back. She went faster and faster, then caught them. When she did that, I was thrown from her nightmare, a dream now, and woke back up.

"Did you do that?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Thanks man, you didn't have to do that."

"But I did."

"Yeah."

She nuzzled her head against mine and smiled. I smiled back.

I sat up and checked the time. "8:30, still too early." I said.

"Not for me, I need to train." she said, flying off.

"See ya in a few hours." I said, resting again.

She flew off to where-ever and I thought about what had happened. "Rainbow Dash is such an awesome pony."

I laid there and kept thinking, then felt that somebody was watching me. I looked up and I saw those three pegasi that messed with Dash. "What do you want?" I asked, relaxing again.

"What a joke."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"We saw what happened here."

"How much did you see?"

"We were here when you entered her dreams."

"Did you now?"

"Yeah. You... uh..."

'Not very bright, this one.' "Alright, get your ass out of here, or I'm kicking it out of here." I said.

"As if."

"Were you not in town yesterday?"

"We weren't anywhere near this place yesterday."

"So you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

I took out the trophy and showed it to them. "No way, you stole that!" said the leader.

"You dense motherfucker." I said. I got up and walked a little closer to them. "Go away, or I'll force you to go."

"Like you could do that, thief."

I flicked him in the nose, and he sneezed. He jumped at me, and I kicked him off.

Minutes later, he was sent home screaming. Something about a broken nose or something. More like broken pride. Also a broken nose.

"Damn it! They ruined my nap." I said. "I'm gonna use all of my energy and go back to sleep."

I landed and started running as fast as I could with nowhere in mind. I ran for 15 minutes and started to pant. I wasn't really paying any attention to where I was going. When I stopped, I was in the middle of Canterlot. "I ran really far. Too far."

I decided to look for something to do, but my legs were too tired, so I had to use my wings. I looked all around, but didn't see anything special, so I decided to take another rest on the clouds. I flew up and found a nice soft cloud to sleep on. I looked around to make sure no other ponies were sleeping up there, and laid down, then fell asleep.

I woke up to a loud crash. "Aw man! These were storm clouds." I said. I flew off and saw that it was raining already.

"At least I love the rain." I said.

I flew around in the rain happily and cleared my mind. "Hope this counts as a shower." I said. It was the first rainfall that I had encountered in this world, and it was cool. Somepony was calling to me.

"Get out of that rain!" yelled Luna.

I didn't ask questions, I got out of the rain as fast as I could and flew in the castle that she was in.

"Why?" I finally asked.

"That rain isn't natural, it must be a creation of Discord."

"Really?" I asked in a mocking tone, "Rain, wa-ter. What's so bad about that?"

"Look at your arm." she said.

I looked at my human arm, it was fine. I looked at my pony arm, it was NOT fine. It was covered in blood. "That sonova..."

"The water is like acid to ponies, but doesn't allow pain to be felt."

"Must be to cause more destruction. Can't feel pain, don't know there's a problem. Was anypony injured?" I asked.

"No, but that was just dumb luck."

"Good, I have an idea, stay here." I said, flying back out the window.

I flew up above the clouds to a clear sky. I couldn't see out of one eye, but that was my pony eye, so it was understandable. I was dripping blood and didn't feel any pain. It was indeed a very good way to create evil... things.

I flew at the cloud as fast as I could, building speed. When I hit the evil cloud, a sonic boom occurred and dissipated the clouds.

"Going too fast! Going too fast! Going too fast!" I yelled, trying to stop myself. My wings were too messed up to stop me. I blacked out due to blood loss again and woke up in another hospital.

"That was fun, what's the damage this time, Nurse Redheart?"

"Just blood loss."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Cool."

"There was a problem though."

"What up?"

"It was very hard to find the right donor."

"My blood was rare where I came from as well."

"Only royalty had the same blood as you."

"Did Luna give me some blood?" I asked.

"Actually, both Luna and Celestia gave you their blood."

"Gotta admit, that's pretty cool." I said. I looked at my arm, "Turn off the light for a minute, I wanna see something."

She walked to the switch and turned it off. I stared at my human arm and it gave off a small yellow and blue glow. "Bioluminescence, cool." I turned to the nurse, "How noticeable is this?"

"I can't see anything."

"Get closer then, tell me when you can see it."

She walked closer slowly and stopped about a foot from my arm. "I can see it now."

"I'll be good for night stealth missions then, you can turn the lights on now."

"You keep coming here and I keep fixing you up. How many time has it been so far?"

"Dragon, manticore, magic loss, and now this, so four."

"That's four more than most other ponies!"

"Oh well." I said.

I rested for a few minutes and the nurse left. I used my magic to turn off the light again and observed my Bioluminescent arm. When I focused, it grew brighter. When I lost concentration, it went back to dull. "Blue and yellow, Luna and Celestia." I looked at it for a few more minutes, then took a nap.

I woke up when I heard the nurse talking to somepony.

"You can't see him right now, he's sleeping." she said.

"Not anymore, send whoever it is in."

She opened the door and said, "Sorry."

I smiled at her.

Luna and my other friends walked in and they all expressed their worries about me at the same time.

"One at a time please." I said.

Luna spoke first, "I was so scared when you flew out there."

I looked her in the eyes and said, "Remember what I promised you? I'll be ok."

She smiled and said, "You're right, I overreacted, sorry."

I smiled and sat up, "Turn off the lights, you gotta see this." I said.

Twilight turned off the lights for me and I held up my human arm. I concentrated and the lights showed up again.

"What is that?" asked Twilight.

"Bioluminescence. I like that word, sounds cool."

"What's Bioluminescence?"

"Something living gives off light without heat. I gained this ability when I got some blood from the Princesses."

"Why did you need blood?" asked Applejack.

"Some evil unnatural clouds formed over Canterlot, the rain was like acid and I was dripping blood when I dispelled them. I dived into them and did a sonic boom, a human variation of the sonic rainboom, and the clouds disappeared."

"Cool." said Rainbow Dash.

I nodded and tried to get up. My legs haven't been used in a while. When I got up I looked at my legs, human and pony, like normal, I guess, maybe.

"Feel great, wonder if I can leave yet." I said, moving around a bit. "Hey Nurse Redheart, can I leave yet?"

"You still need to stay here for another day so you can rest."

"All I need to do is rest?"

"Yes, that's all."

"See ya!" I said, jumping out the open window.

Rainbow was the only one to follow me. "I saw you sock that guy who kept picking on me." she said.

"Yup, broke his nose like a twig."

"What did he do?"

"He pisses me off. Bullies need to be shown their place. They're like the trash of society. Just being a bully wouldn't be enough to enact violence from me, but he was just so..."

"I know. They're just so irritating."

"Yeah. Well, I will see you later." Then I started to fly away.

"Where are you going?" she asked, following me.

"Gonna go see if Vinyl has broken her neck."

"What?" she asked, surprised.

"I'm going to Vinyl's house to listen to some music, wanna join me?" I asked.

"Sure, I love music." she said, following me.

We got there and Vinyl was blasting some tunes. I knocked on the door and she answered, but she looked different.

"What happened to your glasses?" I asked, surprised. I leaned down to get a better look, gone.

"After you left, I thought about what you said, and you were right. I do have beautiful eyes." she said. "Thanks, Phil."

"How ya been, Vinyl?" I asked.

"Pretty good! Those songs you gave me are awesome!"

"That's good. If they weren't, then they wouldn't be played." I said.

"Right. I guess."

"So, how 'bout you play a few?"

"Sounds like a great plan to me." she said, walking back in. Me and Dash followed her and Dash sat on the couch. I kept standing and Vinyl played a song.

"Hey Vinyl, got any problems with any of them?" I asked when it ended.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you a question or two about one of them."

"Ok, shoot."

"About the song that I was playing last time, why does it sound like some of us ponies are singing it?"

Rainbow looked at us at that point, she knew what she was talking about.

"That's because it is." I said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, the artist used some sort of video modimafyin' device and made a remix of a few songs that you ponies sang. Winter Wrap-Up, for example, is in there."

"Alright then. What's it called, you haven't told me yet."

I looked back at Dash and she shook her head. "Sorry, Can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Rainbow doesn't want me to."

"What does she have to do with it?"

"A lot. Just call it… uh… Stay Gay Pony Girl."

"That's a weird name."

"It happens, that all?" I asked.

"Actually, there are some songs that mention some of us ponies as well."

"Yeah, pony songs. Lots of 'em. All day, every day."

"Pony... songs?"

"All day, every day."

"What's with you and pony songs?"

"I don't think you understand how much I love ponies." I said. Apparently that line is odd here and she and Dash gave me weird looks. "It's true, I love ponies."

"Uh… ok…" she said.

"Now, I have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"How good are you at magic?"

"It's a little complicated."

"How so?"

She closed her eyes. "It's..." Her eyes shot open. "A different kind of magic."

"Ok, I don't know why, but that freaked me the hell out." I said, stepping back a little.

She smiled and said, "I knew it would."

"Hey Vinyl!" I said.

"What's up?"

"Let's go get some cupcakes." I said, walking out.

"Cupcakes!" she said, following me. "Come on Dash, time to go."

"Yeah! Come on, let's get some cupcakes!" I said.

"Alright. I could go for some cupcakes." she said.

"Sweet." I said.

We walked to Sugarcube Corner, except Dash, she flew next to us. We got there and I ordered us up some baked goods. "Here ya go." I said, handing the cupcakes to them.

They smiled and ate them. "Good huh?" I asked, chowing down on my own.

"Yeah, these are great." said Vinyl.

"I know that." I said.

We finished up and then I got bored. "Anypony else bored?" I asked.

"Yup." said Dash.

"Same here."

"Any ideas?" I asked.

"I got one! I got one!" said Dash excitedly.

"What's gotten into you?" I asked.

"Look at that!" she said, pointing at a poster of the Wonderbolts.

"Wanna go see a show?" I asked.

She nodded and then I looked at Vinyl, "How 'bout you?"

"Nah, it isn't my thing." she said.

"Alright then, see ya later. I said, walking away. I looked at the poster and saw what time the Wonderbolts were performing, "Yo Dash, we gotta be at Canterlot in three minutes if we want to see them."

"Three minutes?" she shouted, "I can't fly that fast." Then she looked down.

"I can, come over here." I said.

"Really?" she asked.

"Absolutely, now are you coming or not?" I asked.

She walked over to me and I put her on my back, "Ready?" I asked.

"Er…"

"I'll take that as a yes!" I said. I took off at full speed. "Keep your head down, take a deep breath, and hold on tight, I'm going supersonic."

She put her head down and breathed in, then I created a sonic boom moving through the sky. I flew us all the way to Canterlot and slowed down. "Ok, you can breath." I said, gasping for air.

She took another breath and asked, "Why did I have to take a deep breath?"

"The sonic boom takes me faster than air can travel, so all the air would be pushed away from us."

"That doesn't happen when I go rainboom."

"The sonic boom follows logic much more closely than the sonic rainboom."

"That's enough talking, we need to get to the Wonderbolts."

"You're right, where are they?" I asked.

She got off and flew away, "Follow me!"

I followed her and she took me to a stadium near the castle. "Cool." I said.

The Wonderbolts were getting ready to race down on the field and ponies were already sitting in the stands.

"Hey Rainbow, you ever wanted to race with the Wonderbolts?" I asked.

"Only everyday of my life, but I know that I can't, why?"

"I got some connections, maybe it'll happen, maybe not. Stay here."

"Alright..." she said.

I flew down to the track, which drew a lot of attention to myself. I flew over to Spitfire and Soarin'.

"Why are you here?" asked Soarin', angrily.

"Don't worry about it, I just wanna talk to you two."

"What do you want?" asked Spitfire.

"You know Rainbow Dash right?" They nodded, "I was wondering if you would let her race with you."

"I don't know about that, Phil. If she can't keep up, then it'll just be embarrassing, for us and her."

"Don't worry about that, I know that she can do it." I said, "So how about it?"

"If she can keep up, then yeah." she said.

"Cool." I said, "Thanks."

I flew back to Rainbow and told her. She went ballistic.

"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." she repeated.

"Calm down or you won't do well." I said.

She hugged me and said, "Thank you Phil."

"Don't thank me just yet, you still gotta race."

"Oh yeah." she said, flying down there.

I followed her down and she was really happy. "Here she is." I said to them.

"Hey Spitfire, you sure this is ok?" asked Soarin'.

"Don't worry about it." she said.

"I didn't think that I'd get to fly with the Wonderbolts this soon in my life."

"Well now you can, win some medals out there." I said to her. "Unless of course there aren't any medals. Then you would just win."

She serious'd up and got ready to race.

"See ya." I said, flying away.

> Discord
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Look's like she's staying. What's going on down there?" The announcer said.

I looked back at Dash and she looked embarrassed. I flew to the announcer and told him what had happened. He looked at the Wonderbolts and Spitfire nodded at him.

"It would seem that we have another racer entering today." he said to the crowd.

The ponies in the crowd looked confused, but seemed to accept it.

"Racers, take your positions." said the announcer, going to the starting line with a flag.

The Wonderbolts and Rainbow all went to the starting line.

"3!"

They got prepared.

"2!"

They crouched down.

"1!"

They opened their wings slightly.

"GO!" he yelled, waving the flag.

They all took off with incredible speeds, staying pretty much together. Fleetfoot was pulling ahead by a little, and Rainbow was a bit behind. Rainbow realized this and put some more speed into her flight, passing one of the Wonderbolts, who was in a state of disbelief.

"She's doing great, but she needs to keep her energy up, this race is long." I said to nopony in particular.

"You're right about that." said a majestic voice.

"Luna! When did you get here?" I asked.

"Around a minute ago. I was flying above and saw Rainbow Dash racing with the Wonderbolts. How did that happen?" she asked.

"I made it happen, she has always wanted to fly with the Wonderbolts, so I went to talk with Spitfire and she let her fly with them. Doing pretty good."

"Alright then." she said.

"Take a seat, enjoy the show." I said, lounging back.

She sat next to me and watched the performance with me. Some of the ponies in the stands turned to look at us, then resumed their watching of the race.

By then, Rainbow had already passed another racer. This was getting exciting. "She had a lot of energy, either that, or she's not going maximum speed yet. Highly likely considering what I know."

"What are you mumbling about?" asked the Princess.

"Rainbow isn't going her fastest. From what I've learned, Rainbow is the only pony that can do a sonic rainboom. If that is like my own sonic boom, that would make her the fastest pony alive."

"Fastest pony alive?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, if they are similar, then it is just a matter of speed that allows one to achieve sonic rainboom. If I'm correct, and if only Rainbow can do that, than if she does it in this race, she's going to win." I said.

"Wow." she said. Logicked.

I looked back to Rainbow, she stayed in her position from earlier, struggling to pass the next racer and prove that she is good enough to join. She wasn't calm at all, she could do better.

I used my magic to contact her. "Calm down." I told her. She freaked out a bit, but continued flying. "You need to calm down, or you won't win."

"I can't win this, I'm lucky enough to even be here." she replied.

"I know that you can do it, you CAN win this."

"I can?"

"Don't count yourself out just yet." I said, "You have something that they don't."

"What is that?"

"You know what I am talking about. Also, keep both your forelegs straight out."

I released the thought stream, and she looked like she was thinking. "You'll get it soon." I said.

After a few seconds, she looked like she got it, than she sped up. She passed a third racer and a film of light surrounded her.

I looked at the Wonderbolts near her and told them to fly up a bit. They looked confused, but did as they were told. The crowd looked at them like they were expecting something to happen.

"Hey Luna, keep your eyes on Rainbow." I said.

She looked at her and the light around Rainbow got brighter and brighter until… BOOM! She shot forward from a large circle of light. She passed most of the Wonderbolts instantly, and was closing in on Soarin', Spitfire, and Fleetfoot.

She passed Soarin' and Spitfire and neared Fleetfoot. They couldn't believe their eyes, she was actually passing them. They got over their confusion and flew faster, but not nearly fast enough. Rainbow had passed Fleetfoot and was closing in on the finish line.

Rainbow Dash had just beaten all of the Wonderbolts in a contest of speed. Nopony in the entire stadium could comprehend what had just happened. Only me and Luna knew what was going on. I started cheering and this got the other ponies to cheer as well. I flew down and went to see how she was doing.

"Hey Rainbow!" I said.

"Hi." she said, panting.

"That must've been exhausting." I said.

"You got that right."

"Wow." said Spitfire.

Rainbow looked back and smiled. "That was fun."

"How did you do that?" she asked.

Rainbow tried to think about it, but couldn't really manage an answer.

"Magic." I said.

"Magic." repeated Rainbow.

"Hey Rainbow, do you know what you just did with the race?" I asked.

She tried to think about it, but was too tired.

"You just beat the Wonderbolts in a contest of speed." I said.

"I did, didn't I?" she said happily.

"You sure did." said Soarin'.

"That was some fancy flying." said Spitfire.

"I saw that." she said.

"I also saw it." said Luna, joining us.

"Princess!" they all said, bowing.

Luna raised her hoof and they stood up again.

I hopped into the air and turned myself so that my head was on the ground.

"What was the point of that?" asked Dash.

"None whatsoever." I said.

"Ok…" she said, then she passed out.

Spitfire walked over to her to see if she was ok. "She'll be fine." I said.

"You sure about that?"

"She probably just needs to take a nap." I said, "Look at her, she's so sleep."

"Huh?" they all asked.

"Ignore that." I said, shrugging.

"What now?" asked Soarin'.

I flipped back to normal and picked Dash up. "I'm gonna go take her home, if you need to sleep, you would probably want to do it at your own house." I said.

"Alright then, tell us when she wakes up, I want to talk to her for a bit." said Spitfire.

"I can't guarantee that I'll remember, but I'll try." I said, "See ya."

I flew off to Ponyville carrying Dash on my stomach, flying upside down, I wasn't gonna let her stay on my back because she'd probably roll off. It took me a while to get there because I couldn't go that fast.

"That was less fun than it could've been. Too slow." I said, arriving at Ponyville. I went to Twilight's house to ask her where Rainbow lived.

I landed and moved Rainbow to my arms. "Sure is a heavy sleeper." I said. I knocked on the doors and Twilight answered.

"What's up with Rainbow?" she asked.

"She's just sleeping. Where does she live? I wanna take her home so she can sleep properly."

She told me where she lived. Rainbow lived in Cloudsdale.

"Well good luck to me then, maybe I can ask somepony there if I get lost." I said, "Thanks Twilight."

"No problem."

I flew to Cloudsdale and looked for where I had to go, and had more luck in finding her house than I expected I would have. I opened her door and looked for her bedroom. I opened a door and it was decorated with posters of the Wonderbolts. "Yup, this is her room." I said to myself. "Granted, one pony, one room."

I put her on her bed and covered her in what blankets she had, "Night Rainbow." I said, walking away.

"Night Phil." she said.

I looked back, she was still sleeping. She was talking in her sleep. I shrugged and walked out of her house.

I looked at my iPod, 3:45. Then I looked at my bag o' bits. "Cupcakes it is!" I said, flying away. I stopped in midair in the middle of the sky, then pulled my wings in and dived to the ground. I stopped myself at the last second and started walking to Sugarcube Corner. "Cupcakes, cupcakes, cupcakes! Yay!" I chanted.

"Cupcakes?" asked Pinkie when I got there.

"Yes, how did you know?" I asked jokingly.

"You don't come in here for anything else." she said, tossing one to me. I tossed her a bit and ate the cupcake.

"Got anything that I can do, Pinkie?" I asked her.

"I need to watch the Cake twins today, maybe you could help me?"

"Sounds like fun, but I'm not changing a diaper. I want that to be clear."

"That's fine." she said, "Come back here at five."

"See you in an hour." I said, walking out. "What to do for an hour."

I decided to fly to Canterlot and talk to the Princesses. I got there in a minute due to supersonic speeds and slowed down near the castle. I still crashed into the wall, but that didn't matter.

"What was that?" asked Celestia.

"Sorry Princess, that was me." I said, flying to the open window.

"Phil! When did you get here?" she asked.

"'Bout a second ago." I said.

"What brings you here?" she asked.

"Pinkie had something for me to do at five, and it was four when she told me, so I flew here to talk to you, or your sister. Guess royalty in any form other than Blueblood."

"It was four when she told you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That was in Ponyville?"

"Yes, what are you getting at?"

"It's 4:01 right now, how did you get here so fast, you can't teleport."

"I flew."

"But from Ponyville to here in one minute?"

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was going LUDICROUS SPEED!" I yelled.

"Huh?"

"I don't know. I was going about 800 mph."

"Wow."

"Is that speed unattainable here?"

"Yes. How did you do that?"

"I infused my flying with magic. It made a pseudo-teleport. It increases my speed way above that of anything here."

"That was clever."

"Yeah."

"Enough of that, what did you want to talk about?"

"Discord." I said, seriously.

"What news have you?"

"He took control of one of my friends and asked me a question about my strength. I think he is trying to find out how strong I am."

"That would seem like something he'd do."

"I also noticed something different about him."

"Which is?"

"I sensed evil when he used my friend."

"He is evil." she said.

"No, Discord is not evil." I said, surprising her.

"What do you mean, he is very evil."

"He is not evil, he is a prankster."

"I… uh… that… I have nothing to say about that."

"I knew you wouldn't have known about this. Discord may seem evil, but he hasn't done anything that I would consider evil."

"Such as…"

"Such as murdering another!" I said, "I need to know about your battle with him over 1000 years ago."

"Are you sure about that?"

"This may prove my theory, or disprove it, now tell me about it."

"Alright. Discord has turned this land into utter chaos, he ruled the land as it's king. Me and Luna fought him and were defeated."

"Did you suffer any injuries?" She shook her head. "Thought so, go on."

"We traveled the lands that were affected by his magic, it was a miserable place. We created the Elements of Harmony to stop him and used them against him in our second meeting."

"You see, if he was evil, he would've stopped you as soon as he could. That's all I needed to know. In my opinion, he is still just a prankster. A prankster is like a tree that grows fruit. When you and Luna attacked him and stopped his reign, you only cut off the fruit that was on the tree. If you really want to win this, you need to uproot the tree itself, or he'll keep coming back over and over again."

"If he is just a prankster and not evil, why did you feel an evil presence?"

"Something is controlling Discord. I don't know who, or what it is, but I can fix Discord. I will need him during the battle with whatever is controlling him."

"You will need him?" she asked shocked.

"Yes, now I want you to tell Luna, and nopony else." I said, flying out.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going to go have a little talk with Discord." I said, then I zoomed out of sight and to the statue of Discord.

I looked at the statue and placed my hand on it, and closed my eyes.

"Hello boy." shot an angry voice.

"Discord, it's a pleasure."

"Why would you think this is a pleasure?"

"I have always loved chaos more than order, and you bring more chaos than anything else on this planet. At least until now."

"What do you mean, 'Until now?'"

"Something is controlling you, making you do evil things. I know that you aren't evil, you're just a prankster."

"I resent that. I'm not 'just a prankster,' I'm the best that ever lived. You are right about me not being evil though, I never wanted to be labeled as evil, just a prankster."

"I can help you, open your mind and I'll take out the source of the evil that resides in it."

"You can do that?" he asked.

"I don't know or care. I'm here to fix problems. If I can't win here, I won't be able to win the fight against the source of your evil desires." I said, "Now open your mind."

Discord relaxed and I felt a barrier of sorts being lifted. I dived into his mind, and it was a terrible, twisted place.

"Help me please." I heard. I followed the sound and saw Discord being tormented by large black shadows.

I flew down there and punched one of the shadows, sending it back.

"Boy! You came!" he said.

"Yeah, I came, stop calling me boy, call me Phil, or Dr. Taco, whichever one sounds better."

"Dr. Taco." he laughed, "That's rich!"

"If you want to be rid of these demons, you're going to have to fight them, or they'll keep coming back." I said, getting into a fighting stance.

"Alright, if you say so." he said.

"Hey Discord, this is your mind, play some music."

"What song?"

"Final Fantasy 7 boss battle." I said.

"I like that one." he said, starting up the music.

"Sweet." I said, "Let's go!"

We ran towards the shadows and they ran to us. There were eight of them, one for each of the ponies that had defeated him before. I took the six smaller ones and he took the two bigger ones. Looks like I was fighting the Mane 6. They turned into the ponies that we all knew and loved, and were charging right at me.

"This is going to be trouble." I said. I jumped over all six of them and turned around in midair. I materialized a katana, held it with my hoof, and got ready to fight. "Remember me, they're just illusions. You're allowed to kill illusions." I told myself.

I ran forward and took a swing at Rainbow, missed. She dived at me and kicked my chin, knocking me back. The others were surrounding me while I fought Rainbow.

"Stay out of my shed!" yelled Fluttershy. I took a swing at her and it was deflected by another weapon, a meat cleaver.

"Looks like cupcakes got out of fandom." I said. It was Pinkie Pie that had used the meat cleaver. "I need to take either her or Fluttershy out first."

She lunged at me, swinging wildly. I kicked her in the chest and she flew back. Rarity ran at me, trying to impale me. I jumped over her and swung my katana at her, ripping her in two. She screamed in pain, then disappeared in an explosion of black smoke. "She wasn't much of a fighter." I said.

Applejack and Rainbow charged towards me at the same time. I threw my katana into the air and grabbed their necks. I threw them at the katana and Rainbow flipped out of the way. Applejack wasn't so lucky, she was skewered by it and disappeared. I grabbed the handle and used the blade to deflect another cleaver attack. I aimed for Pinkie's head and she ducked under it, kicking me in the ribs and sending me back. She laughed like a maniac and ran towards me.

I yelled and thrust my empty hand out with all of my power, sending a shockwave through the air, which sent all of the ponies back. I stood up and held my katana over my head, pointed at the tangled web of ponies. Twilight ran at me, trying to use a spell against me. She was trying to shatter my mind, but I overpowered her and sent her into a state of endless torment. She screamed and I ran to her and stabbed her in the head. "Three left." I said.

Rainbow flew towards me and let out a war cry, she was so full of openings that it was funny. I stepped to the left of her and held my blade in her path. She ran straight into it and disappeared. "Who's next?" I said.

I got my answer, Fluttershy ran to me and tried to kick me. I dodged and tried to bring my katana down. I couldn't manage to do it. Fluttershy was unharmable. As soon as I realized this, I saw a meat cleaver head straight for my arm. I spun around it and grabbed her head. "Wowie, zowie, your brain's gonna go powie." I said as I sent a magical surge through my hand, shredding her brain. I tossed her aside and thought about what I should do about the Fluttershy problem.

I closed my eyes and my reaction time was activated. I heard every breath that she took, every movement she made. She tried to bite my neck, but I leaned back and head-butted her, ripping through her skull and crushing her brain. I opened my eyes and started to cry, I had hurt Fluttershy. Not good.

"Phil! Remember! It's just an illusion!" yelled Discord.

I snapped out of it and looked at him, Luna was gone and he had a gash on his chest. Celestia was on top of him, holding him down and charging a spell. "NOOOOOO!" I yelled, running towards him.

I dived in the way of the spell so that it hit me instead of Discord. It felt like I had stepped on a Lego, but all over my back.

Discord kicked Celestia off of him and dived towards her, claw out. She didn't have any time to react and was cleaved in two, then disappeared. He ran over to me.

"You're a real sadistic fighter, you know that?" he asked.

"Yeah, I know. I can get incredibly evil very fast. I keep it locked away inside me, but when it shows up, things get really painful for everybody."

"Are you ok?"

"I'll be fine, I've been hurt before. Now listen, I want you to keep the darkness out of your heart, Ima go back home now, see you in a little bit." I said.

"Why are you leaving so soon?" he asked.

"Promised Pinkie that I would help her baby-sit the Cake twins." I said. "See ya!" I disappeared from Discord's mind and went back to the natural pony world.

I opened my eyes and fell to the ground. "My back hurts like a thousand suns!" I yelled. I reached back and touched the area that had been hit. There was a large hole in my shirt and my back was burned.

"Phil!" yelled Luna.

"Hey." I said.

"Are you ok?"

"What did I tell you?"

"Sorry, I was just asking."

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, standing up, "How bad does it look?"

"Like another hospital visit. What happened to you?"

"Did Celestia tell you what happened?" She nodded, "Good, I went into Discord's mind and helped him defeat the darkness inside it."

"And the burn?"

"I'm fine, stop worrying." I said. I pulled out my iPod to check the time. "Damn it! It's already 4:45!"

"Why does that matter?"

"I gotta go baby-sit with Pinkie at five. I'll need another shirt before I get there, and I don't have any." I tried to fly, but fell to the ground in pain, landing on my stomach. "Gotta at least tell her I can't make it."

"I'll take care of that, you need to get to the hospital." she said.

"Pinkie first." I said, "I'm not moving from this spot until she knows that I can't be there, but don't tell her why. Just say something came up."

"Alright, try not to move." she said, flying away.

"Hey Discord, we did it." I said, placing my arms under my head and passing out.

> Parties
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, how's it going Nurse Redheart?" I asked instinctively.

"Actually, it's going pretty bad."

"Really? Was it that bad?"

"I'm afraid so, looks like you'll have to stay here for a bit."

"Ok." I said. I tried to rub my eyes but couldn't move my arms, I was strapped to the hospital bed. "What's with the stuck to the bed?"

"You keep leaving the hospital when I tell you to rest."

"Oh well." I said. I used my magic to remove the strap around my human arm and reached into my pocket for my iPod. It wasn't there. "Hey, where's my iPod?" I asked.

"What's an iPod?" she asked.

"It is a rectangular piece of metal and glass. I had it on me before I came here, and now I don't have it. Where is it?"

"It's right over here." she said, giving it to me.

""Why did you have it?"

"It fell out of your pocket when we were treating that nasty burn on your back. How did that happen?" she asked.

I thought about a feasible excuse and said, "I can't find an excuse that would make sense without worrying you, so it looks like you're going to have deal with it."

"Huh?"

"Deal with it." I repeated, putting on some sunglasses. "Wait a minute, I don't have sunglasses." Then they disappeared.

"How is it that you manage to get sent here almost every day?"

"Tacos."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"What don't they have to do with anything?"

"Uh…"

"How long will I be in here for?" I asked.

"About a month."

"What am I going to do for a full month?"

"Well you can…"

"No." I said, thinking. "There was something that I wanted to do, but I can't leave. This sucks."

"I would imagine so."

"See you in a month." I said, casting a sleep spell on myself.

ONE MONTH LATER

"What did I miss?" I asked. She walked over to me and slapped me, or what the equivalent of a slap would be to a pony. "Sorry, I was just so bored." I apologized.

"Don't do that again! Not even the Princesses could break that sleep spell!"

"I know that. What did I miss, anything important?"

"Not really."

"Cool. Is my back healed?"

"Yes, you're good to go." she said.

"Sa-weet!" I said, reaching back to feel my back. It felt like normal. "Where's my shirt?"

"Rarity has it."

"That's cool." I said, stretching my wings.

"Are you feeling fine?" she asked.

"Yeah, am I good to go? Can I leave?"

"Yeah, but go through the front entrance this time."

"But the window's right here."

"Front entrance."

I walked out of the hospital and then flew off. "I wonder if there's anything that I can burn around here." I said to myself. I flew to Twilight's and knocked on the door.

She answered and was shocked to see me. "Phil! Where have you been?"

"Hospital. Hey, can I burn down the Everfree forest?" I asked.

"What? No!"

"Fine! I don't need your forest! I'll build my own forest, with blackjack, and hookers! You know what? Forget the forest, and the blackjack!" I yelled, storming away.

"What just happened?" asked Twilight, confused.

"Nothing important. How have you been for the past month?" I asked, walking back.

"I've been fine, but I was worried about you. Why were you in the hospital, and why wasn't I told?"

"I'm too lazy to tell you." I said, using a memory spell.

"Wha… I don't… Ok." she said, looking over the memories.

"I'm going to Rarity's now, she has something of mine, wanna come with?"

"Might as well, got nothing better to do." she said.

"Cool." I said, walking out of her house.

We walked to Rarity's and there was a note on the door. I grabbed it and read, "Phil, gone to lunch, your shirt is in the work room."

"That what you came here for?"

"Yup. How'd she know I would get here today? Whatever, stay here, I won't be long." I said, walking in. I found my shirt and put it on, it was so awesome. "Yay." I walked back to Twilight and put my arms behind my head. "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get some cupcakes. Come on, let us acquire various amounts of baked goods at the same time." I said, walking away.

She followed me and we walked to Sugarcube Corner. We arrived and I opened the door. "Ladies first."

"Thank you." she said, walking in. I walked in after her and realized that it was dark.

"Looks like it's party time!" I said.

"Aw! You ruined the surprise!" yelled Pinkie, turning the lights on.

"Sorry Pinkie, but I knew that you would do something like this." I said, looking around. All of my friends were there, even Omega.

Trixie was the first to speak, "Where have you been for the past month?"

I used the memory spell and they had the same reaction as Twilight.

"Well, that's that then. On an unrelated note, does anypony have anything that I can burn?" I asked.

They ignored me and Pinkie said, "We'll worry about that later! Now it's time to party!"

"Yay!" I said. I walked over to the cake table. "CAKE!"

TWO HOURS LATER

"That was fun." I said, eating some cake.

"You got that right!" said Pinkie.

"I'm all partied out." said Applejack.

"Same here." said Rainbow.

"Hey Rainbow, did you talk to the Wonderbolts yet?" I asked her. It was a month too late, but at least I remembered.

"Yeah, they said that you were gonna tell me, but then you had that hospital visit that nopony knew about. Speaking of which, I went to the hospital and asked for you, why did they say that you weren't there?"

"I don't know."

"I believe you. Back to the Wonderbolts. They said that after I passed out, you brought me to my house."

"Eeyup."

"Thanks man."

"Eeyup." I said, standing up. "That's enough party for one day, at least for me. Ima go find something to burn."

"You were serious about that?" asked Twilight.

"No, you got trolled." I said.

"Ok..."

"Hey, before I go, Pinkie, come here." I said, smiling at her.

"Okie dokie lokie!" she said, hopping to me.

I picked her up and held her against the side of my head. "You're gonna like this. Pink eye!" I said.

She started laughing hysterically and I set her down, laughing the whole time. All of the ponies were laughing. This was a good party.

"That was a good one!" said Pinkie.

"Not like I would do a bad one, that would be unentertaining. Entertainment is cool. Alright, I gotta go." I said, walking away.

"Where are you going?" asked Rarity.

"No idea, I'm gonna walk somewhere until I feel like stopping. Bye!"

"Goodbye Phil!"

I walked out and picked up a leaf. I dropped it and walked in the direction that it pointed. I got bored very soon and stopped. I looked around and the building next to me said post office. "Why haven't I thought of this before? Derpy needs some talking to, or not, doesn't matter."

I walked in and was in a lobby. I went to the counter and asked, "Is Derpy here?"

The pony at the counter looked at me and seemed to be frightened. "Not every day an alien asks for our best worker."

"I haven't thought about it like that." I said. "Is she?"

"No, she took the day off."

"Course she did, oh well, can you tell me where she lives?"

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to reveal personal information about our employees."

"That's understandable. Thank you for your time." I said, walking away.

I picked up another leaf and dropped it, following where it pointed. Getting bored again, I found myself in Sweet Apple Acres. I walked to the barn and saw Applejack applebucking some trees behind it. "How's it going?" I asked.

"Not good, we got a pest problem, they're eating all of the apples, and Big Mac hasn't returned from town yet." she said, exhausted.

"Need any help?"

"Yeah, go get Big Mac, Ah'll stay here, gotta get these apples harvested, fast."

"I got a better idea." I said, kneeling down. I placed my hand and hoof on the ground, then used my magic to create a shockwave. Every apple fell from the trees, and I levitated them into an apple ball above my head. Apple ball is a funny phrase. "Does this help at all?"

She was amazed after seeing me harvest the apples. "Ah reckon it would."

"Alright, where should I put these?"

"You're gonna have to wait a minute." she said, "Gotta get out some barrels."

"Cool."

"What's going on here?" asked Big Mac.

"I just harvested the majority of Sweet Apple Acres." I said. I pointed to the ball of apples above my head.

Big Mac couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was standing there with his mouth open and eyes wide.

"Over here Phil." said Applejack, gesturing to some barrels.

I walked over and put all of the acceptable apples into the barrels. She had to make a second trip to get more barrels. "What do I do with this pile of bad apples?"

"Ah'll get some more barrels, we feed the bad apples to the pigs."

"Ok."

She came out with some barrels, and I put them in.

"That works." I said.

"We've never gotten the harvest done so fast."

"You've never had an alicorn type pony help you either." I said.

"That's true."

"Ah still can't believe that you harvested all of the apples." said Big Mac.

"HABEEB IT!" I yelled.

"What?"

"Nothing of importance. See you two later." I said picking a leaf and dropping it.

"Thank you Phil, for everything!" said Applejack.

"Any time!" I said.

The leaf pointed me back to town. I wound up at Rarity's shop. "Looks like I'm gonna talk to Rarity, or not."

I walked in and saw Rarity working on a dress, and some other dresses and a suit were on the mannequins... ponyquins? "Gala coming up?" I asked.

"Yes it is actually, I'm making some clothes for some clientele in town." she replied.

"Called it!" I said, walking over to look at what she was doing. One of the dresses that she had completed already caught my attention. This one had bubbles on it. "Hey, is Derpy attending the Gala?"

"That was my assumption, but I never know about that mare."

"When is the Gala, I've been meaning to talk with her." I asked.

"Two days."

"You very busy?" I asked.

"No, this dress is the last one that I was planning to make, why do you ask?"

"Wanted to know if you could make me another shirt."

"Don't you like the one you have?"

"Of course I do, but I've been wearing it for the past two months straight. I would like to change, at least once a month."

"You're right! I haven't ever seen you wear something else to this date! Do you have anything in mind?"

"Actually, I do. Do you have something I can write on?"

"Yeah, hold on." she said, heading... somewhere, and returned with some writifying materials.

I took the paper and drew a rough sketch of a shirt. It was a short sleeved shirt that was black. I put the word 'Brony' on the back, the back of the left sleeve had Alphonse's blood seal on it, the right sleeve had the symbol of the Philosopher's stone. Under the word 'Brony' I drew the triforce. On the chest I drew a very poor sketch of a Renard. So poor in fact, that it only looked like a few scribbles. They weren't even good scribbles.

"What are those symbols?" asked Rarity, "And what does brony mean?"

"Brony means that I like you ponies and I'm outside the target demographic." Then I pointed to the symbols, "This one is the Triforce, it symbolizes power, wisdom, and courage. This one is a blood seal, used to bond a human soul to iron. This one right here is the symbol of the Philosopher's stone, a source of incredible alchemical power."

"What about the one on the front?" she asked.

"That's Renard. I can't draw, at all, so I'll show a picture of it to you. That would probably be a better picture than what I could ever make."

I pulled out my iPod and looked up the cover of Intensive Care Unit, then showed it to her. "Think you can do this?" I asked.

"Yes I can, but I'll need to take some measurements."

"This is the part that I was dreading. Alright, let's get it over with." I said.

She got out some measuring tape and started measuring. It was a long and boring process, but eventually, it ended and she wrote down what she needed.

"Hey Rarity, could you make it a bit longer, past my shorts?" I asked.

"I guess I could."

"Speaking of which, I haven't changed shorts either, but that can wait."

"Are you planning on attending the Gala?"

"Yeah, gotta talk to Derpy, and that's where she's gonna be. I have also wanted to see what would happen if I went there and messed with them."

"Since you're attending the Gala, I will also make you some dress pants."

"Oh Celestia no! I don't want any fancy clothes anywhere near me. If you want to make me some lower wear, just some shorts will do."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Quite sure. Just some shorts. Black shorts. Black jean shorts."

"If you say so, but I'm gonna have to measure you again."

"Damn it! Alright." I said.

"Don't move." she said.

Midway through her taking measurements I said, "I don't think that words can express how bored I am right now."

"You're going to have to deal with it for a while." she said.

When she finished, I got bored again. "How long is it gonna take you?" I asked.

"I need a few hours to fix you up some clothes."

"Any idea about what I could do for a few hours?"

"You can take these clothes to their respective ponies." she said, putting them into boxes.

"That sounds like fun. I guess. Alright, tell me where to go."

"The addresses and names are on the boxes, follow those and you should be fine."

"Alright then, see you in a few hours." I said, taking the boxes.

I looked at the names on the boxes. Lyra, Bon-Bon, Octavia, Vinyl, Doctor Whooves, and Derpy. "Cool. Background ponies best group." I said. I memorized the Doctor's address, never know when I might like to speak with him. Or maybe something important.

I started to head towards Doctor Whooves's house, but he walked up from behind me and said, "Thank you, but I'll take it from here."

"Well, I didn't think that you'd come get this." I said, handing it to him.

"Well, I did."

"It would seem so. Well, good luck on your adventures, Doctor."

"And you as well, Phil."

He walked away and I walked to Bonbon and Heartstring's house next. I knocked on the door and Bon-Bon answered. I gave the boxes to her and said, "Here's your dresses! Have fun, see ya!"

"Thank you, Phil!" she said.

"No problem!" I said.

I walked to Octavia's house next. I gave her the box and asked, "How you been?"

"I've been fine, how about you? I haven't seen you in at least a month!"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me." I said, "See ya later, I gotta get delivering."

"Bye Phil!"

I walked to Vinyl's house and she was surprised when she saw me. "Got that dress that Rarity made for you." I said.

"Hey man! Where have you been this past month?" she asked, taking the box.

"Hospital. Had a battle, won, then hospital." I said.

"Rough man. Thanks for bringing this to me!"

"Anytime! One box left, gotta get going. Bye!"

I walked to where Derpy's house should've been, but it was just an empty lot. "What?" I asked confused. I looked around, this was definitely where the house should've been. "Wait, what?"

"What are you looking for?" asked a filly.

"Looking for Derpy's house." I said, turning around, "That would be your mom, right Dinky?"

"She said you would visit. I'll take that box off your hoofs for you. Wait, you only have one hoof, what's that?" she asked, looking at my hand.

"It's unimportant. Here ya go." I said, giving the box to her. "Thanks."

"No problem." she said, walking away.

I looked back at the empty lot. "What?"

I walked back to Rarity's and went inside. She was working on my shirt. "How's it going?" I asked.

"How did you get all of those packages delivered so fast?"

"I was fast?" I asked.

"Usually when somepony takes a delivery to the Doctor, it takes them four hours."

"Looks like he had some different plans. He came and got it from me as soon as I left." I said.

"Alright then, if you say so."

"So how far are you?"

"I got the basic shapes of the shirt and shorts done, but that's about it."

"Alright, see ya." I said, "Ima go sit under a tree and fall asleep."

"Bye Phil."

I found a nice shady tree to lay under and pulled out my iPod. "Music it is." I said, putting my headphones in. I fell asleep after a minute or seven.

I woke up with a blow to the chest. "What's going on?" I asked, shooting up.

"Sorry Phil, I crashed into the tree." said Rainbow Dash, now on my lap.

"Oh, you ok?" I asked, laying back down. "That's uncharacteristic of you."

"Yeah, I'm good. Just a new trick getting out of hand."

"That's good." I said. I grabbed my iPod and checked the time, still had a few hours left. "Try not to crash again. Sleepy time for Phil." She laid down next to me. "Sleepy?" I asked.

"Yeah." she said, laying her head down.

"Then sleep." I said. I listened to some more music and fell asleep.

Three hours later, I woke up with Rainbow sleeping up against me. I looked up and saw Rarity walking towards me. I lifted my arm and waved at her. "Hi Rarity."

"Hello Phil, I'm done with the shirt and shorts you wanted." she said proudly.

"That's cool. I'll look at them later, I got a bit of a problem with getting up right now, if you haven't noticed." I said, pointing at Dash who was sleeping on my other arm.

"I see that." she said, looking at Dash. "Well alright then, I'll see you in a bit."

"I would hope so." I said.

"Bye Phil." she said, walking away.

"Back to sleep. Maybe." I said. I started up some more music and tried to fall asleep again. It didn't work, so I just laid there and thought about what I was gonna do after the Gala.

'I could train, but that gets boring. Maybe I could check on Discord. Discord is fine now, but I still have the problem of what to do about the thing that was controlling him. Maybe I could free him. That's not a bad or good idea, but I might as well do it. Yeah, free Discord.' I thought to myself.

I wasn't able to fall asleep and laid there, bored. Rainbow was still laying on me and I wasn't gonna do anything about it. Eventually I fell asleep, but by then my arm was numb.

"Hey Phil! What are you doing?" asked Pinkie, waking me up.

"Sleeping." I said.

"Not anymore you're not!" she said.

"I was trying to." I said. I looked down and saw that Dash wasn't there anymore. I lifted my arm and moved it around. "Since I'm up, and Dash isn't on me anymore, it's time to go to Rarity's."

I got up, stretched, and yawned. "Wanna come with?" I asked.

"Okie dokie lokie!" she said, hopping after me.

I got to Rarity's shop and looked up. "Getting late." I said. I walked in and looked for Rarity. She was in her workroom scolding Sweetie Belle.

"Sweetie Belle make a mess again?" I asked.

Rarity and Sweetie Belle looked up and saw me. "You should see what she did!" said Rarity.

"I'm sorry." said Sweetie Belle.

Rarity led me to where my shirt was, and I instantly saw the problem. It was no longer black. It appeared to have been painted a grey color with red, green, and black vein-like markings all over it. "This mine?" I asked.

"Yes it is, and Sweetie Belle painted it." she said.

"I can explain! You see, I was..."

I held up my hand and looked at the shirt again. "I couldn't have made it cooler if I tried."

"What?" they asked.

"I like this shirt, a lot. Renard, Triforce, brony, blood seal, Philosopher's stone, and an awesome color to boot. Granted, I still would've liked to see it in black, but this is great!" I said, taking it off of the table it was on. "This color pattern is cool."

"Really?" asked Sweetie Belle excitedly.

"Yup! This shirt is really cool."

"Are you sure Phil?" asked Rarity.

"Do you think that I would lie to something as cute as this?" I asked her, pointing at Sweetie Belle.

She smiled at Rarity and a halo appeared over her head.

I grabbed it and said, "I'm gonna need this."

They both looked at me and I just shrugged.

"See Rarity? I told you that it wouldn't be a problem."

"So Sweetie Belle, you were going to explain, and I would like to hear why this happened. Care to enlighten me?" I asked.

"Well... I was painting a picture and got a little too happy with the paints, and some got on your shirt. I tried to clean it up, but it just smeared, so I tried to color over it, and that's what happened."

"Really? That sounds like a bullet dodged to me."

"Bullet dodged?" she asked.

"Got away with something, Dodged the bullet."

"Oh."

"Now, about my shorts. They done?" I asked.

"Yes, they're done." she said, using her magic to get them out.

"Cool." I said. In my hands were a black pair of jean shorts with a chain hanging out of the right pocket and looping onto a belt loop. "Very, very cool. Where'd you get the chain?"

"Somepony gave it to me, I didn't catch his name."

"Maybe he's the one who's been looking out for me. Doesn't matter, it's cool. At least 20% cooler than expected."

I put the clothes on, they were comfortable. "These clothes are almost too nice to sleep in. Almost."

"Don't worry about that dear, I made it so they don't wrinkle or stain easily." said Rarity.

"Really?" I asked happily, "That's so awesome! Thanks Rarity. These clothes are getting worn."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Hey Rarity, are you attending the Gala?" I asked.

"I don't know. After last year's... uh..."

"Disaster?"

"I wouldn't go that far." she said.

"Yes you would. Right Pinkie?" I asked, looking over my shoulder. She had been silent this whole time, very uncharacteristic of her.

"Absolutely! None of the ponies there knew how to party! Then everypony went crazy and the statue tipped over!" she said.

"Exactly." I said. "I think."

"Alright, it was a disaster."

"I don't know, even with last years events, it's still a good business opportunity."

"That is true. Then again, they might recognize me."

"Quite. Well alright then, Ima go get some cupcakes, want any?"

"No, but thank you."

"Hey Sweetie Belle, want some cupcakes?" I asked.

"Very much!" she said.

"Follow me then! Ima buy us some cupcakes! You too, Pinkie!" I said, "Thanks again for the clothes Rarity, I'll pay you back eventually."

"Oh there's no need to..."

"Too late, already said it." I said, walking out.

We walked to Sugarcube Corner and I got us some cupcakes. "Tastes like cupcakes." I said. "Very odd, very odd indeed."

We finished the small meal and I took Sweetie Belle back home to Rarity. "Bye Sweetie Belle!"

"See ya later Phil!"

I walked in some random direction until I got bored, then leaned up against a tree and fell asleep.

> The Gala
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up with my favorite pink blob sleeping next to me.

'Pinkie is so cute.' I thought.

"Hey Phil, how's it going?" she asked.

"When did you wake up?"

"Few minutes ago, I thought about getting up but you're so warm."

"I've come to realize that I am warm." I said with a smile. "Hey, why are you sleeping next to me?"

"You were right outside when I was going to bed, and you looked pretty cold so I came out and warmed you up."

"But I'm nowhere near..." I started. I looked up and saw Sugarcube Corner. "Oh, yes I am."

"So, what are you gonna do today?"

"Right now, go back to sleep."

"You're still tired?"

"A bit. There's really nothing for me to do around here."

"I can think of a few things that you can do."

"What do you have in mind?"

"You could have a party!"

"Not good with parties. I think I got an idea."

"What's up?" she asked.

"I was gonna fly to Canterlot and talk to Discord again."

"You serious about using him as an ally?"

"Yup. Don't tell anypony, but I'm gonna free him from his stone prison the day after the Gala."

"I like that idea."

"Yup, but later, right now I'm going back to sleep. Waking up is always the worst part of sleeping, so I try not to do it."

"You're just like Rainbow Dash!"

"A bit, but I'm not nearly as enthusiastic when I have to get up." I said.

"Yeah, when she gets up, she gets ready for the day. When you get up, you fall back asleep."

"Absolutely. On an unrelated note, are you attending the Gala again?"

"Of course, I'll never miss a party!" she said.

"It's goin' be fun on the bun, in space."

I fell asleep and nothing of relevance happened.

'Mah favorite pink blob is nowhere in sight.' I thought, waking up.

I stood up and rubbed my eyes. It was foggy out. I summoned my magic instrument and turned it into a guitar. I walked around, bored, and played the guitar lines from The Tree. Five or six simple notes that made almost anything creepier. I played the song while I walked through the fog.

"Could you please stop that?" asked a pony.

I looked at who had said that, it was a background pony, Colgate. Or Minuette, whatever you prefer to call her. My instrument burst into blue flames in my hands, and turned into a banjo. I played the start of dueling banjos. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, or really care. Just don't play that creepy song."

"Alright then. I'll play another song. Strange, in my world, I couldn't play a single instrument properly. Here I'm fantastic with everything." I said.

"Well go be fantastic somewhere else." she said.

My banjo burst into flames again and a violin appeared. I some lines from an even creepier song. "How's this?"

"That's still creepy."

"Fine." I said. I threw the violin into the air and it burst into blue flames again, turning into an electric guitar in midair. I played some more notes from songs, very unlike a wet sock. This drew attention to me and I was having a sweet day already. "Was that creepy?"

"Not really."

"Good." I said. I threw my guitar behind me and it disappeared. "I'm bored again."

"That was pretty good Phil." said Vinyl.

"You was watching?"

"Yeah I was, and you played great."

"I know I was good, but I don't know how. I play worse than a wet sock in my world. Oh well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I said.

"You should play in public!"

"No, not in public, just randomly. But hey, if I'm in public when it happens, it happens."

"Really?"

"Yup. Unless, of course, there's money involved. Then I would probably be more active. I dislike crowds though. A lot."

"Sucks for you man." she said.

"Eeyup. Cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes."

"Hey Colgate, you too. Let's get some cupcakes."

"Yeah Colgate! Cupcakes!"

"I don't know."

"You don't just turn down free cupcakes." I said, "Ya might as well."

"If you insist." she said.

"Cupcakes!" I said, walking to Sugarcube Corner.

"Hey Pinkie, three please."

"Coming up!" she said, tossing us some cupcakes. I paid her and we got eating.

"Thank you... uh..." started Colgate.

"Just call me Phil, or Dr. Tacos. Whichever you prefer."

"Dr. Tacos? Are you serious?"

"Absolutely."

"That's a bit funny." she said, giggling.

"I know. Gotta go, see ya." I said.

"Where to?" asked Vinyl.

"Heading to Canterlot. Gonna talk to... Oops." I said, covering my mouth.

"Who you talking to?"

"Um... I was gonna see a blacksmith. I want something to train in. Weighted clothes." I lied.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah, anyways, see you at the Gala!"

"Bye Phil!"

I flew to Canterlot and started thinking about what I said. I decided that it wasn't a bad idea. Training just like Goku. I headed to a nearby blacksmith and asked him. "Hey, can you make something for me?"

"What do you need?" he asked.

"A weight vest. A heavy one."

"Nopony's ever asked for that before. Probably."

"A heavy one."

"Yeah, you said that."

"Heavy." I said.

"How heavy?"

I picked up the anvil in the center of the room. It was pretty dang heavy. "This heavy." I said, setting it down.

"As heavy as my anvil? Are you sure you can take that?"

"Probably." I said.

"I could probably make it. I need some time though."

"I can wait. How long?

"Few weeks. A month maybe." he said.

"Why so long?"

"I haven't done this before, and I'll be working with a lot of heavy metal."

"Alright, I'll help you with the weight lifting part. How much do I owe you?"

"250 bits."

"That really cuts into my cupcake money, 100 now, 150 later." I said, handing him 100 bits.

"Thank you, I'll get started on gathering the materials."

"I'll be back in a bit, I think." I said. I flew away to the statue of Discord, and it had a slightly different pose. "Cool." I put my hand on his forehead and started talking. "Hey Discord, how've you been for the past month?"

"Phil? That you?"

"Absolutely."

"I've been feeling really bored."

"I figured as much. Hey, how would you like to be freed?"

"Yes, very much so." he said.

"After the Gala, at night."

"Why then, why not now?"

"If I do it now, the Gala would be ruined, and I have something that I think is important to do there. I'm going to do it at night because that's when I'm the strongest. If I do it when I'm weaker, than you might not be complete when you're freed."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't get angry, or I'll just wait longer."

"Sadistic bastard."

"I know, see you tomorrow night."

I flew back to the blacksmith and looked at how he was doing. He was still gathering materials. "Doing good?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good. Still getting what I need."

"When will you need me to help you work."

"Three days maybe."

"That's perfect. I gotta go, see you then."

"Alright, bye."

I flew back home and got insanely bored. I nearly fell asleep in the air again. I decided to pass the time by spinning. Multiple times. In the air. Like a madman. "Barrel roll. Barrel roll. Do a barrel-barrel roll. Do a barrel-barrel roll. DO A BARREL ROLL!" I sang.

I spun all the way to Ponyville, and crashed into a tree. I fell out and landed near some ponies. "Wait a minute, not multiple, just one with all that double vision." I said. "Top o' the mornin' to ya."

"Hello." she said.

"Sorry 'bout crashing, must've been irritating to hear." I said, trying to get up. I quickly fell back over.

"You gonna be ok?"

"Just fine." I said, trying again to get up. I managed to stand up and my dizziness went away. I shook my head and said, "See ya later." Then flew away. Or at least tried to fly away, I was grounded once again. I looked at my wing. "Like a twig!" I said in pain.

"What's like a twig?" asked the pony. I showed her my wing, there was a large bruise on it. "Are you gonna be ok?"

I nodded and said, "I'll be in the hospital if you need me, Celestia knows why that'll ever happen."

I walked to the hospital and the receptionist said, "Again?"

"Yeah, busted up my wing."

"Nurse to lobby." she said into a microphone.

Nurse Redheart showed up and said, "What is it this time, Phil?"

"Wing, maybe it's broken, like a twig."

"Alright, come with me." she said, walking to the patient section of the hospital.

She took some x-rays of my wing and we waited for them to be developed.

"How've you been for the past day and a half?" I asked.

"Pretty good, and you?"

"I've been great! At least until this happened." I said, pointing to my wing.

"That would ruin my day."

"You don't have wings."

"True." she said. She walked out and got the x-rays. "Just a hairline fracture, you'll be fine."

She got out a small splint and attached it to my wing. "That's better." I said.

"No flying for a while."

"How long?"

"Around a week."

"Alright. This week is gonna be very boring." I said unhappily.

"It happens."

"Quite often for me."

"I've noticed. You can go now, but use the…"

"Front entrance. I know. See you in a little bit, probably." I said.

I walked out and my wing was still bugging the hell out of me. "Flying is all that entertains me here. Now what?"

I looked up, getting kinda dark. I walked to Rarity's shop and went to talk to her. "Hey, when's the Gala?" I asked.

"In about an hour."

"You coming?" I asked.

"I decided against it, if anypony recognized me…"

"Alright, bye Rarity."

"Goodbye Phil."

I headed to Pinkie's house and was tackled by Rainbow. "What are you doing Phil?" she asked. I gasped in pain, she was on my wing.

"Get off of my back!" I said. She dropped to the ground and I started rubbing my wing.

"Why?"

"I cracked my wing, can't fly for a week."

"Wow man, that sucks."

I looked at her with a face of irritation, "You don't say?"

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. Hey, are you going to the Gala?"

"I thought about it. I think that I am."

"Then follow me, or not. I was gonna get Pinkie and walk there with her."

"I gotta get my dress."

"Suit yourself." I said, walking to Sugarcube Corner.

I walked in and grabbed a cupcake off of the counter, dropping a bit in it's place. "You here Pinkie?" I called.

"Just a second!" she said.

She walked out into the store wearing her Gala dress. "Cool."

"Hi Phil!" she said.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

"Yup!"

"Well, we gotta go then, I can't fly you there."

"Why not?" I showed her the splint in my wing. "How did that happen?"

"Crashed."

"Rough."

"Alright, let's go."

We walked out and saw Twilight, in her Gala dress. "You coming?"

"Yup, and I got transportation as well." she said, pointing to a cart.

"Cool, Dash back yet?"

"Yeah, she's inside."

"Neat."

We got in the cart and they took us to Canterlot.

"This is boring."

"You're going to have to live with that Phil." said Rainbow.

"You're the last pony that I would've expected to say that. Then again, you also broke your wing, so you know what's goin' on." I said.

"Hey Rainbow, what are you gonna do there?" asked Twilight.

"I was gonna see if the Wonderbolts were there. How about you?"

"I was gonna try to talk to the Princess again, last time didn't go so well, so maybe this time will be better. You Phil?"

"Wanna talk to Derpy. I have reason to believe that she was at the party."

"Really?"

"That's it. Or maybe I'll trash it like you did last year."

"Could you try not to?" asked Twilight.

"Ima ask the Princess if it's ok first. If she's having fun, I don't wanna take that away from her. I doubt it though."

"Sounds fun." said Pinkie.

"How 'bout you Pinkie?"

"Partying!"

"That didn't work well last time." I said.

"I'll start when you start."

"Yay!"

The cart stopped and they told us to step out. "Neat." The girls stepped out and I followed them. "Hey guys, thanks for the ride." I said.

"Yeah, we were heading here anyways. No problem."

I gave them some money and said, "See you whenever."

"Thanks."

"You girls ready?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're good."

"Let's go then." I said.

We walked up to the door of the castle and split up. I walked somewhere random, drawing attention to myself. "I hate me for doing this to myself." I muttered silently. I hated gatherings like this. A lot. "Damn it, even my physical form draws attention to me, then again, nopony had yet to see a human-pony, or a human for that matter."

I looked around and didn't see her. "Oh well." I walked outside and got a breath of fresh air.

"Why have you been looking for me?" asked a pony.

I looked back and saw Derpy. "Hey Derpy, how ya doing?"

"I'm fine. The Doctor said that you were looking for me."

"How did he... time traveler, never mind. Yeah, I wanted to ask you something."

"Ok, shoot."

"Do you remember what happened about 2 months ago?

"Maybe."

"Did you come to my world?"

"Not in my life."

"Sure?"

"Absolutely."

"One more question."

"Ok."

"Can I feel your wings."

"Haha! You're funny Phil!"

"I'm serious."

"I know you were. Dr. Whooves also told me that you like to feel wings. It's just funny." she said.

She moved her wing closer to me and I rubbed it. "Soft." I said.

"I know."

"Neat. You bored?"

"Very."

"Good. Let's go talk to the Princess. Maybe we can get to trash the party."

"That would be so fun."

We wandered in and looked for Celestia. Derpy saw her and pointed her out. She was talking to some ponies next to Twilight. I walked over to her and leaned next to her. "Bored?"

"Insanely."

"Then I'm going to trash the party like last year."

"I would like that, a lot."

"I knew you would, hey Twilight, go get Rainbow."

"Be back in a jiffy."

She went and brought Rainbow back with her. "Trash the party?"

"Yes."

Pinkie must've got wind of our conversation because she appeared out of nowhere right next to us. "Trash time?" she asked.

I used my magic to fling a tray off of a table and spill all over a group of ponies. I remembered to make sure Blueblood was among them. "Go nuts." I said, leaning back against the wall.

All of the ponies started to fling food all around and Pinkie started to dance like crazy. "Dancing needs some music." I said, "What do you recommend Princess?"

"Something that we could dance to."

"Quite right." I said, conjuring a large set of speakers. I hooked up my iPod to it and started playing some dance music.

Everypony looked to see where the music was coming from, and Vinyl stepped out of the audience. "Crank it up!" she yelled.

Octavia stepped out as well. She smiled and started dancing. Lyra and Bon-Bon were dancing together and Dr. Whooves appeared next to me. "Phil, Derpy, it's time to go." he said.

"Yo Princess, keep this device safe." I said, pointing to my iPod.

I ran out with Doctor Whooves and Derpy. My friends didn't follow me, they were having too much fun. Most of the ponies had started to dance as well, and others were wrecking things like Rainbow Dash. "What's the problem?"

"My timey wimey detector was going ding. That happens when there's stuff." said Doctor Whooves.

"Alright, why'd you take me out?"

"Can't say."

"Fair enough. Don't argue with Doctor Whooves, you'll only end up getting hurt."

"Good."

"Alright, see you two later, I'm gonna go to sleep on some cloud." I said, I tried to raise my wing, but it didn't work as well as I had hoped. "Guess not. I'll sleep up against a tree."

"Bye Phil."

"Yeah, see you later."

"Oh and Derpy." I said.

"Yes?"

"You're my favorite pony."

"Uh…"

"Night!" I said, walking away. I found a nice tree to sleep under and fell asleep. I dreamed about cupcakes, guess what I'm eating tomorrow.

> Escape from Canterlot
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up with a thud. "Damn it Dash, stop crashing into the trees I sleep under!" I said, irritated. There was no Dash, there wasn't even a tree. I was inside, next to a bed. "Ha! I fell off my bed. Why was I on a bed?"

"I brought you here." said Luna, leaning over the side of the bed.

"Neat. Were you sleeping up against me?" She looked away. "Neat." I tried to pull out my iPod. "Oh yeah, left it at the party."

"Left what at the party?"

"Something, see you in a few minutes, probably." I said.

I walked to where the party had been and it was a total disaster. A few ponies were sleeping on the floor and I had to step around them. I got to the stage and Vinyl was sleeping over a dj system. She was just so cute. I grabbed my iPod and checked the time. "Ten. Eh, don't have to do anything until tonight. Back to sleep." I slipped the iPod back into my pocket and walked back to Luna.

"How's it going?" I asked when I walked in.

"Pretty good, what did you get?"

I got my iPod out. "My iPod. Anyways, it's only ten, too early to get up, so I'm going back to sleep." I started to walk out to sleep outside.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Outside so I can sleep. I was gonna dive out the window but Nurse Redheart told me not to fly for a week."

"Why don't you lay down here?" she asked, gesturing to the bed.

"If you say so." I said. I laid on the bed and put an earbud in one of my ears. I clicked shuffle and put my hand, and hoof, behind my head.

"What is that?" asked Luna, pointing to the other earbud.

"It's an earbud, exactly like headphones. Listening to music right now. Wanna listen?" I asked.

"Sure." she said, taking the other earbud.

I restarted the song and we listened to it together. She had a neat reaction. Neat. "That was... nice." she said when it ended.

"I got one specifically about you, wanna hear it?"

"Specifically about me?"

I played Nightmare Night and listened to it with her. "Neat huh?"

"Uh..." After the song ended, she thought it over. "Did they say favorite princess?"

"Absolutely. How did you manage to single out that one thing? Y'know what, never mind.

"I'm that well known in your world, to become someponys favorite princess?"

"You're my favorite princess."

"What did you say?"

"You're my favorite princess."

"Really?" she asked happily.

"Yeah."

"Why? Why me and not my sister. I was the one who was evil at one point."

"You're my favorite because you're mysterious. You use Gothic themes and I love those things, and you're blue, that's neat. The main reason is because you bring the night. I love looking at the night sky. I can't very well look at the day sky, I've tried, it doesn't work. The night is more beautiful than the day." I said, "And besides, you're neat."

"Thank you Phil." she said, nuzzling up against me.

"One more thing, if you dwell in the past, you'll forget your future."

"That is a nice saying."

'Neat.' I thought, falling asleep.

I woke up and Luna was already gone. I packed my iPod away and got up. "Get me some food time." I walked random directions until I found a kitchen. Nopony was inside so I walked in and opened a pantry. I took some food out and made myself breakfast, or lunch. "Time, two." I said.

I cleaned up the supplies I used and walked out just as a pony walked in. "Afternoon." I said, walking away. He looked at me for a little longer and closed the door behind him. I exited the castle and materialized a guitar. "1, 2, 3, 4." I said, starting off another song.

I walked around, playing the song, until I reached a stage. I looked back, I had attracted quite the crowd with my music. I slung the guitar over my shoulder and said, "More?" The ponies clapped and cheered.

I hopped on stage and thought of a song to play. I got some in my head that they might have liked and that were pony friendly.

I finished the last song that I would play and when they stopped cheering I said, "That went way better than expected. You've been a great audience, see you whenever."

I hopped off of the stage and walked in a random direction. The ponies around me were telling me that the performance was awesome and more stuff like that. In the back of the audience was Vinyl, who was smiling and waving. I hopped over to her and said, "How ya been for the past few hours?"

"Been doing pretty good. Didn't expect to see you on stage."

"Me either, I was playing a song while I walked around and attracted a crowd. I ended up at the stage, then that happened."

"You should keep doing this kind of stuff man!"

"Maybe is my final answer."

"I don't get it."

"You staying in Canterlot long?"

"Yeah, I got stuff I want to do."

"Neat."

"Why'd you ask?"

"I'm staying too, so I might as well have asked."

"What are you staying for?"

"You probably don't want to know." I said.

"What if I do?"

"You'll find out eventually, it's gonna be something earth-shatteringly large."

"You, human, you're wanted for attempted murder of the Princess!" said a guard running towards me with a large platoon of soldiers behind him.

"Phil! Did you try to kill the Princess?" asked Vinyl, backing away.

"No." I said seriously. I turned to the guards and held my hands in front of me, "I surrender."

"Can we trust him captain?" asked a pony in the squadron.

"We have no choice." he replied. "Restraints!"

A group of ponies exited the squad with a large amount of body restraints. "This is gonna be hell." I said to myself. They attached them to me and severely restricted my movement. "They can't be too sure it would seem. Then again, I could still escape from these." They put a small metal ring around my horn, probably to restrict my magic flow, and locked my wings together. "Be careful back there! I cracked that yesterday!" I said.

"Shut up murderer, you have no place to talk after what you tried." he said, stepping on my wing.

I head butted him and threw him off of my back. "I told you to be careful." I said angrily.

The rest of the guards got ready to attack and I kneeled down, confusing them. "Take me where ever." I said, then I thought, 'If I'm convicted, I'll just hightail my ass out of there before they can blink. Well, they may not want to blink. I've seen statues nearby."

They took me to the castle and threw me in a dungeon. "I'm innocent!" I yelled.

"Shut up! The cook saw you walk out of the kitchen and the Princess had ingested a powerful poison. You're the prime suspect in this case."

"Of course. My appetite got me into trouble yet again, and this time, it's actually important."

The guards left the room, and I was left in a nearly empty dungeon. There were two other ponies in here with me, one in my cell, the other in the next one over.

"What are you in for?" asked the pony in my cell.

"Attempted monarch assassination."

"What?"

"I was framed for trying to kill the Princess, and my side isn't looking so good right now. I was in the kitchen a little before the Princess was poisoned, and I can't prove it wasn't me."

"Wow, sucks for you man."

"How about you?"

"Mass destruction of property."

"That's neat. What about you... Omega?" I couldn't believe it, Omega was in the other cell.

"That you Phil?"

"Eeyup, why are you here?"

"They told me that I was working with Discord."

"That's crazy talk, I'm the only one around here that's working with Discord." I said.

"I tried to tell them that they were crazy but... Wait, what was that last part?"

"I said that I was working with Discord. I'm planning to free him tonight, or I was." The two ponies looked at me with a dumbstruck expression. I looked at my shackles, then I broke them and pulled them off of me.

"Wow."

"I know." I said, removing the ring from my horn. I unlocked my wings and returned them to resting position. "That feels much better, my cracked wing was getting too much strain." I looked at the pile of rubble and kicked it into a corner. "Won't they be surprised when they see that?"

"I didn't think that breaking those was possible." said my cellmate.

"HABEEB IT!"

"I bet you could use your power to get us out of here."

"Don't bother, he may be strong, but he doesn't let it go to his head." said Omega.

"What he said." I said, laying down on the stone floor. I took off my shirt and used it as a pillow, then tried to fall asleep.

"Good luck sleeping in here mate."

I pulled out my iPod, 4, I still had time. "Wake me if it's eight, or if a guard comes in." I said.

Just then the door opened and some guards came in. "Stand up Phil, it's time for your trial. Where the hell did your shackles go?" he asked after I stood up. I pointed to the pile, "How did you..."

"Are we gonna get to this trial or not, I have something very important to do tonight."

"You think you're leaving?" he asked with a laugh.

"I don't think that I'm leaving, I know that I am leaving, weather you like it or not." I said with a dead serious tone.

"Restraints!" he called.

I raised my hand, "No restraints."

"Scratch that!" he yelled.

"Hypnosis, always useful." I said. I followed them out of my cell. "See you two later."

"Bye Phil."

"Hope to see you around someday."

They took me to some sort of court area and told me to sit. "This seems odd, I'm already screwed, so I'm gonna end up running. Not like they could stop me or anything." I said to myself.

The judge stepped in and said, "You have been accused of attempted murder of Princess Luna, how do you plead?"

"It was Luna?" I said to myself, "Innocent!"

THREE HOURS LATER

"Where is he?"

"I think he went this way!"

I heard them run away from where I had been hiding. I checked the time, 7:30. I had been running all around town, avoiding the citizens and guards.

"Who are you?" I said a filly behind me.

"You gotta go, you don't wanna be seen with me."

"Why?"

"Get away from him Star!" said another pony running at me.

"Bye." I said, jumping away from them.

"Bye!" he said.

I got out of there before the mother could get to me and aimed at the statue of Discord. I can't keep running around one town all day. I got there without much trouble. I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Hey Discord, I gotta leave the city for a very long time and you're coming with me."

"Why do you have to leave?"

"Framed for attempted murder." I said, picking up the entire statue.

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"Somepony poisoned Luna and I was blamed for it." I said, running. Just then Princess Celestia teleported in my way. "If you want to take me in, I'm not going down without a fight."

She put her hoof up. "I am not here to take you in, I know that you are innocent."

"Good, now get out of my way." I said.

She didn't move. "I can help you!"

"I don't want your help, if you're caught with me..."

"I don't care! I want to find out who tried to kill us. My sister is in the hospital and you're the one who everypony blames."

"Alright, I need you to keep the soldiers away from me while I make my getaway."

"Understood."

"Meet me in Ponyville in two hours."

She flew off in some random direction and I ran as fast as I could while carrying Discord. Nopony got in my way and I managed to leave the city. "Celestia did good work."

I started talking to Discord, "How you holding up?"

"You're crazy man."

"I know."

I managed to get halfway there without anypony spotting me, very lucky considering the giant statue. I saw a group of ponies traveling down the road. "This sucks." I didn't change my path, I just kept running.

"Is that you Phil?" asked Derpy.

I slowed to a stop and set down Discord. "Hey Derpy."

"Looks like he was right, but is he ever wrong?"

"Only when he is."

"Derpy, who is this, and why was he carrying that statue?" asked a pony in the group.

"That isn't just any statue, that's Discord." said another.

The group started to back away. "If you tell anypony what you saw here, I'll make sure that you never see again." I threatened.

"Yeah everypony, nothing happened here." said Derpy.

"See ya later Derpy." I said. I picked up Discord and continued my run.

She was following me now. "What are you doing Derpy?" I asked.

"You're not gonna travel alone are you?"

I pointed at the statue. "If you want to come along, I'm not gonna stop you, but I'm not slowing down."

"That's fine with me."

I ran all the way to Ponyville with Derpy at my side the entire time. Neat. I went to the forest and put Discord in a relatively covered area and cast a spell so that nopony could see him except me and whoever I picked. I checked the time, 30 minutes left.

"Hey Derpy, do you want some cupcakes?"

"Muffins!"

"Ah yes, sorry, force of habit, let's go get some." I said.

We walked into town and I got some looks of fright. "News travels fast."

"Sorry about that." said Derpy.

"Oh yeah, you deliver mail and whatnot. Oh well."

We got to Sugarcube Corner and I was met with a pan to the face, throwing me out. "Who whacked me with a pan?" I asked, sitting up. I didn't make it very far, because another pan flew right at my face a second later, forcing me back to the ground. "Stop that!"

"Are you ok Phil?" asked Derpy, running towards me.

"Just peachy!" I said, standing up. I was ready for the next pan and grabbed it out of the air. I looked a who threw it, "Pinkie? Do you really believe that I would do that?"

"No, I just felt like pelting you with some pans." she said.

"Neat. Can we get some food?"

"Yup, two cupcakes coming up!"

"Just one cupcake, and a muffin for the nice pony."

"Muffins!"

"What she said."

Pinkie came back with our baked goods and I gave her some bits. "So you heard?"

"Yeah, that must be rough, being blamed for that."

"It was! I'm just lucky that Celestia believed me, or I would still be in Canterlot."

"I'm gonna go get our friends so they can hear what happened, wait here." she said, hopping away.

"Hey Derpy, got any plans?" I asked.

"I got a plan to stay with you for now."

"Neat."

"As am I." said Doctor Whooves.

"Neat."

Four minutes later Pinkie returned with my friends. "Neat."

"Phil?" asked Applejack.

"In the flesh." I said.

"What happened?" asked Twilight.

"You all seem to have heard of what happened to Luna. I was in the kitchen making breakfast and the cook saw me. Just a few hours later, the Princess was poisoned and I was the prime suspect. I couldn't prove my innocence, so I ran. I took Discord and managed to escape the city."

"Why did you take Discord?" asked Rarity.

"Oh yeah, I didn't tell you my plan."

"What plan?" asked Rainbow.

"You'll find out in..." I checked the time, "Now actually, follow me."

I walked out of the store and Princess Celestia landed right in front of us. We all bowed and she said, "Where is he?"

"Follow me." I said, walking to the forest.

"Where are we going Phil?" asked Fluttershy.

"Don't worry about it, you'll see."

I led them to where the statue was and released the spell. "Celestia, when will the moon rise?"

"20 minutes." she said.

"See you ponies in that time." I said, leaning against a tree.

"Phil, what's going on here?" asked Celestia.

"Memory spell time!" I said, releasing the spell.

"Oh." they all said.

"Get some rest Celestia, you too Twilight, and Rarity as well. I'm gonna need your help to pull this off."

"Um..."

"Why do you need our help."

"Because magic."

20 minutes later

"It's time." I said suddenly. "Dash, scout the area. Nopony can see this other than us until it's done. Fluttershy and Applejack, clear any animals out of this general vicinity. Pinkie, you do Pinkie stuff. Understood?"

"Understood!" They all said, doing their stuff.

"You three, come over here." I said, waving over the unicorns. I held out my hoof. "Grab my hoof and I'll start it."

They all grabbed my hoof and I put my hand on Discord. "It's time Discord, use all of the frustration you can find in this world, escape." I said. I started the spell and felt the magical power of Rarity, Twilight, Celestia, and Discord all working together to break his stone prison.

The sky darkened, and I heard thunder. It became more rapid and closer to us. Discord started to move a little bit, but didn't crack the stone. The lightning was getting closer, and it started to rain. I started to draw power from the moon, and it began cracking.

There was a flash of light, then I blacked out.

> Warfare
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hello ponies." I heard.

I sat up and realized that I was dreaming. I saw an evil pony in front of a group of fillies. "Does this mean that I can, or I can't kill him?" I said quietly, running at him.

I tackled him to the ground and he kicked me off. "You alright?" I asked the fillies. They nodded. "You're not gonna want to see this." I said. They ran off and I faced the evil pony.

"Hello Phil, how have you been?" he asked.

"Who are you, and why are you invading my dreams?" I asked angrily.

"That is unimportant, I am here to deliver a message." he said, biting into the handle of a sword. "This message is so you know that our lord is not to be trifled with."

"Bring it!" I yelled. I materialized a chain-katana and held it in my hand. I started the motor magically and it whirred to life.

He ran at me and took a swing at my arm. I blocked it and sparks shot off of our blades. "You have ten seconds to live, say your prayers, because you won't say anything ever again." I said, going into a defensive position.

He got a unhappy look on his face, then attacked me with a lot of force. His blows started getting slightly sloppy and more violent. "Three." He kept trying to slash me. "Two." He slowed his blows. "One." He lost all hope and tried to run away. I stepped forward and stabbed at the back of his head.

"What are you doing Phil?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"I would also like to know." said Celestia.

I opened my eyes and saw that my hand was empty, in fact, it wasn't a hand anymore. It was a hoof. I looked myself over. Pony body again, neat.

"Well?" asked Celestia.

"Nothing important." I said. "Just a bad dream."

"Very well."

"What happened to Discord?" I asked.

"Up here!" he said. "Thank you for freeing me! I just have one question, why did you trust me?"

"I didn't at first, I was planning to pound your face in until you listened to me."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"That's kinda creepy man."

"You haven't even begun to see how creepy I can become."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"If I showed you how creepy I can become, you wouldn't want to be anywhere within a three mile radius near me."

"I don't believe you."

"Oi, I know a few ways to mess with someone's mind." I said.

"Alright then."

"So, how have you adjusted to the petrifaction being removed?"

"I'm feeling pretty damn good."

"That's real fuckin' neato. Hey Celestia, you and me are going to head into town."

"Why?"

"Discords been let loose again, nopony's gonna be happy about that unless you can convince them otherwise."

"You're right about that."

"Discord, stay close behind us until we hit the end of the tree line, then stop, don't come out until I give the signal. You six can do whatever, just don't make yourselves known, I don't want you involved." I said, walking out of the clearing. "Man, this pony body is sweet." I tripped on a root that came out of nowhere and said, "That however was not."

"Hey Phil, do you see that?" asked Celestia, pointing to a filly that was in the forest.

The filly had a terrified expression on her face and ran away. "I know what happened. She saw us after they came back. If we don't stop her, it's gonna be really hard to explain to the locals." I said, running after her.

I overtook her and tackled her to the ground. "The hell were you doing in the forest Diamond Tiara?" I asked after seeing who she was.

"Get off of me you demon!" she yelled. I released a magic spell that wiped her memory of ever seeing Discord in the forest. "Why are you on me?" she asked.

I got off and said, "Sorry about that, bad dream. Anyways, why are you in the forest?"

"I saw the Princess go in after you and wanted to find out what was happening." she got a devilish smile on her face, "Were you…" I looked her in the eyes with such rage that she knew that if she finished that sentence, she wouldn't see daylight ever again. "Sorry." she squeaked out.

"Let's go back to town. Come on Celestia." I said, walking out of the forest.

We walked out of the forest and Diamond went back to her house. "Celestia, we're gonna need a full town broadcast for this one."

She nodded and flew into the air. "CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, PLEASE MEET ME AT TOWN SQUARE!" she screamed.

She flew back down and said, "I haven't done that in a while."

"That was pretty good. A few more decibels and you could've used it as a weapon. Yeah, power screech." I said.

We walked to the town square where the mayor was trying to organize everypony. We walked on the stage and Discord waved at me from the edge of the forest. I smiled at him and the ponies in the audience bowed for the Princess.

"Let it out gently." she said.

"Gee, thanks a lot." I said after realizing that I was going to have to talk on this one. She just smiled.

"Welcome everypony! We're sorry to call you all here on such short notice. There is something that you have to know, and if any of you freak out I will personally make sure that…"

"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to let you speak on my behalf. I'll take over from here." said Celestia, cutting in. "He was right about freaking out, I don't want to see any of it, alright?"

"What is it?" "Get it over already!" yelled some ponies in the audience.

"Yes, we have done something that you may not agree with." she said, looking down.

"I knew it!" yelled Diamond Tiara. "You and he were…"

I looked at her again and said, "If you finish that sentence it will be the last sentence that you will ever speak."

"Uh…"

"Enough of this stalling, if you can't bring yourself to say it, then I will." I said, "Discord was freed by me!"

"What?" "This can't be happening." "How is this possible?" "You're lying!" "Why would you say that?" "This must be a lie!" they yelled.

"This is not a lie my fellow ponies, he, well, we have freed Discord from his stone imprisonment."

The ponies in the crowd went into full outrage, shouting obscenities and other insults at us. I was fine, being insulted constantly did have one benefit, the ability to not care anymore. Celestia on the other hand wasn't taking it so well. I looked at her and said, "Don't listen to them Celestia. You're still alive and can still do something, so don't listen to them, not in the least."

"How is it that you manage to brush off such horrid insults with ease?"

"In my world, everybody is insulted, all the time. It's like a sickness. You build antibodies. Ignoring helps as well."

"I don't think that I could do that."

"Then don't let the insults hurt you in the first place. Is somepony is angry, they say a lot of things that they don't mean."

She looked up and said, "Thank you Phil."

Just then somepony threw a rock at us. It hit Celestia right in the jaw and knocked her unconscious. I looked at her for a second to see if she was ok, then I looked at the crowd.

SNAP

I woke up from a nice peaceful nap and saw a large pool of blood around me. I looked around and saw some ponies looking at me with a large amount of fear in their eyes. I stood up and headed to the hospital. I got inside and asked if the pony that I mercilessly beat the shit out of was ok.

"He won't die, but you did a real number on him. He deserved it, badmouthing the Princess is one thing, but he threw a rock at her, that isn't right."

"How about her, is she ok?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's much tougher than you would think, she only has a bruise on her cheek. The skin wasn't even broken."

"Neat." I said.

I walked out and back to the forest. "Yo Discord, you still here?"

"You were right Phil, you can get very creepy."

"I know that already. Anyways, did you show yourself?"

"I had to! You were going berserk on that pony! I had to hold you back."

"Son of a bitch deserved what he got."

"I can't agree more, but you nearly killed him."

"I am so glad you stopped me than, I don't kill. Natural things at least." I said. "So how did the ponies react to you, did they chase you away?"

"No, after they saw me holding you back, their fear of me went away, like magic."

"Magic huh? That's it, somepony is looking out for me. I want to find out who, but would take time and effort, two things that I have a large amount of."

"So you are going to or not?"

"Not at all!" I said. "So… what do you wanna do?"

"Cause chaos."

"No chaos, even though it is very much more fun than order."

"I know that, but it's all I do."

"I got an idea. You like chaos, how about fighting in a war?"

"I like fighting in wars."

"Good, I need to head to Twilights and read a few things. See you later."

"What am I supposed to do until then?"

"Sleep?"

I flew to Twilights and knocked on the door. She opened it and I got a hoof in the face. "Jeez Twilight, warn a guy when you're gonna do something like that." I said, rubbing my nose.

"That was for the fight." she said. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. "And that was for sticking up for the Princess."

I blushed, smiled, and said, "Neat."

She smiled and said, "What are you here for?"

"I need some books."

"That I can arrange." she said, walking back in. "What about?"

"Simulations."

"Simulations?"

"Simulations."

"Alright then, hang on a second, I think it's over here." she said, walking over to the D section.

I walked to where the book should've been and pulled it out. "Got it Twilight!" I said.

"Where did you find it?"

"Under S." I said.

"Oh."

I started reading the book. "That's real fuckin' neato." I said, amused by the amount of simplicity it had. "Hey Twilight, I'm gonna need this book for a few minutes, or hours."

"What are you planning on doing?"

"I'm gonna put me and Discord in a war-like setting, then we can go nuts."

"Why are you going to do that?"

"He wants chaos, and he can't do that here. I want to see how far I can go in the upcoming war with the thing that corrupted Discord. I'll be in the forest if you need me."

"That sounds like fun!" said Pinkie, barging in the room, knocking me over, and jumping on my chest.

"Well it might be, care to join?"

"Will I get hurt?"

"According to the book, the pain will go away when you exit the simulation, but I need to test it first."

"Let me be the test subject!"

"Hell no! If anypony's gonna get hurt because of my mistake, it's gonna be me." I said.

She got off and said, "If you say so."

"Hey Twilight, if you wanna join us, just tell me." I said, walking out. "See you whenever, I hope."

I walked to the forest and Pinkie disappeared. Oh well. "Discord! I got something that could help us with our little problem." I said.

"What's up?"

"War simulation. It's a simulation spell, but I need to test something first, hold on a bit." I said, using the spell found in the book on myself.

I found myself in a nearly empty room that had a table with a knife on it. I picked up the knife and cut my hoof a bit, enough to make a small amount of blood come out. I released the spell and looked at my hoof, no blood. I touched it, no pain. "Ok, it's safe."

"What just happened to you? You ran in here saying something about testing something, then the next minute you were sleeping while standing up."

"I was testing the effects of damage in the simulated world in this world. There was no damage, so I deemed it safe. How long was I out."

"A few seconds." said Twilight.

"Hey Twilight, you made it!"

"We all did." said Rainbow.

"Why am I here again?" asked Rarity.

"Was this your doing Pinkie?" I asked. She smiled. "Do you all know what's gonna happen?" I asked. They all nodded. "Who's up for a challenge?"

"I'm always up for a challenge!" said Dash.

"If she's goin', then Ah'm goin'!" said Applejack.

"Count me in!" said Twilight.

"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie, hopping around.

I looked at Fluttershy and Rarity. They looked away, and I shrugged. "Guess not."

"Uh…"

"Sorry Phil, I just can't."

"Undahstood." I said.

I prepared the spell and moved so I faced everypony except Fluttershy and Rarity. I released it and we found ourselves on the edge of an open field with many trees behind us.

"Two minutes until lockdown fails." we heard.

"What was that?" asked Twilight.

"We have two minutes, choose your weapon." I said, materializing an incredibly large amount of weapons on a table behind us. I walked over and picked a bat up with a hoof. "Boink!" I said, smashing it against a tree. I walked back and picked up a woodcutter's ax. "Mmmmmmmrrrrrrrpppghhh!" I shouted, slashing a tree with it. I walked back and took a dagger.

"One minute, thirty seconds."

"Come on! Pick out some weapons!" I yelled.

The ponies scrambled to find weapons to defend themselves. I sheathed the melee weapons and picked out a large mini-gun. "Now is coward killing time!" I yelled. "Everypony, take a dagger. Better safe than sorry. Sasha and I will take the front lines, you ponies cover me. Discord, do whatever the hell you want."

"Sasha?" asked Discord, eyeing a flamethrower.

I held up the minigun. "Sasha."

"One minute."

The ponies had picked out their weapons now. Rainbow Dash had dual Mini-Uzis. Twilight had a sniper rifle. Applejack had a semi-auto shotgun. Pinkie had a grenade launcher. Discord just stood there and eyed the flame thrower.

"Hey Discord, if you're gonna take it, then do it, otherwise you won't have a flamethrower." I told him.

He picked it up and got a savage look in his eye.

"Thirty seconds."

"Hey everypony, the enemies are going to be bots, cybernetic. Don't worry about ending a life. They are going to be as heartless as the enemy that we will face in a few weeks. I want to tell you that now, so you won't back down. And if you happen to die, you'll be revived to fight again, or will exit the simulation."

"Three."

"Fight 'till your last breath."

"Two."

"Try not to get hurt."

"One."

"And most importantly, have fun!"

"System failure!"

I ran forward over the field yelling, "Now is time for puny babies to die!"

Discord flew off in some random direction, Twilight stayed behind, and the rest followed me. I held Sasha in front of me and held the trigger, laying waste to the front lines of the enemy. I started laughing like a maniac and the other ponies fired into the crowd as well.

Soon enough, I ran out of ammunition and threw the gun at the enemies. I pulled out the bat and the ax and ran at the enemies. "Don't stop firing!" I shouted.

I threw the ax at a pony, opening his skull like a jar. I jumped in the air and beat another with the bat. Grabbing the ax from the skull that it was embedded in, I jumped and brought them down on two other ponies. "Ha ha! Look at you! You look like you ran through traffic!" I said, laughing.

The ponies were surrounding me now, and were being picked off one by one by Twilight. "Let's go." I said.

They ran at me and I hopped in the air. I used my magic to create a gravitational field around them, crushing them into the ground. "Gravity is always awesome." I said, landing.

I heard two sniper shots aimed near me, then felt shocking coldness in my heart. I turned around and saw a pony holding a dagger covered in blood.

"PHIL!" they all yelled.

I fell down and disappeared. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TELL YOU?" I yelled from behind where Twilight was.

"Phil! I thought you had…"

"I told you that we would be safe not even five minutes ago!" I said. "I expect better Twilight."

I pulled out my ax and ran forward. I swung wildly for a few minutes, and appeared behind Twilight again. "Oh man! You can not believe… how much that hurt." I said.

"Stop dying!" yelled Twilight.

"Right, sorry."

I ran towards Rainbow, who had ran out of ammo. I took out the ponies that she was fending off and gave her the bat. "You run out of ammo, you talk to me." I said, "Go wild."

She flew off bashing heads in. I headed to where Applejack was and gave her Sasha, taking her empty shotgun. "Ammo loss, just see me. Be careful, Sasha is heavy." Applejack lifted the heavy gun and started firing it into the crowd.

Pinkie Pie appeared next to me and said, "Are you sure that this is right? We're ponies, not worriers."

"I know that. Nopony has to fight if they don't want to, I said that already. They're having fun. There will be a large scale war just like this eventually, so I wanted to prepare them for it. Or at least make it so that they can protect themselves." I said.

I handed her the ax and took out my dagger. "Hey Pinkie, you died yet?"

"Seventeen times!"

"Stop dying or I won't let you back in!"

"Alright. Four o' clock!" she yelled.

I stabbed the dagger into the skull of an enemy that was creeping up on us. "Let's go."

SEVEN HOURS LATER

It was just me, Discord, and Pinkie left at this time. The others stopped a few hours ago. Rainbow had died twice, Applejack once, Pinkie eighteen in total, me three times, and Twilight and Discord were spared.

"Hey you two, are you ready for a real challenge?" I asked.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Discord.

"I mean that I'm going to make this a whole lot harder." I said.

I threw the ax and bat on the ground and summoned the weapons again.

"Defenses temporarily repaired, prepare for the next wave." we heard.

"These weapons are specifically designed to go with our fighting styles." I said. "Pick what I choose or not at all."

Discord moved forward and chose the weapons that would cause an incredible amount of destruction. Pinkie chose the random unpredictable weapons. I chose a sword.

"Is that all you're going to use?" asked Discord.

"You don't know what this is, do you?" I asked, showing him the blade.

"Not at all. Care to enlighten me?"

I tapped the blade and a high pitched bell was heard. "This sword is called Tinkledeath. It is the archetype of an inclined plane. The sharpest thing in physical existence. This can cut anything but it's sheath."

"Five."

"Yeah, Tinkledeath."

"Four."

"Hey Phil?"

"Three."

"Yeah?"

"Two."

"This is fun."

"One."

"I know that."

"System failure."

The enemy's numbers hadn't changed, but they had a more powerful aura around them. I rushed forward and massacred them effortlessly. They were trying to put up a fight, but Tinkledeath wouldn't let them. Pinkie and Discord were fighting their own enemies, and I felt something odd. My injuries had started to hurt more and more. None of the weapons should've been poisoned, and I wasn't getting sloppy. "What the hell is going on here?" I said to myself.

I heard a whistle. I looked to the source, and saw a pony that didn't belong here. "Hello Phil, I'm here to deliver a message." he said, unsheathing his weapon.

"Who is that Phil?" asked Pinkie.

I removed Pinkie and Discord from the simulation and got rid of all the enemies. "I don't know who you are, but if you don't leave right now, you're going to die."

"We both know that I'm not going to leave with just threats."

"Suit yourself." I said. I rushed him and he held up his sword, preparing to block my attack. Lucky me. Tinkledeath effortlessly cut through his blade and he jumped back after it went through his chest.

He was holding his bleeding chest. He didn't say anything. He didn't even grunt in pain. I didn't give him time to prepare for another attack. I lunged at him and cut his arm off. "Had enough?"

"Yes actually." he said, disappearing.

"That's enough warfare for today. Who was that?"

> Cloudsdale
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Did I miss anything important?" I asked upon leaving the simulation.

"You should see for yourself." said Twilight.

I looked at myself. All of the non-fatal injuries that I sustained during the battle have returned "Is everypony ok?"

"Yeah, we're fine. Nopony's hurt."

"Thank Celestia. If anything happened to anypony because of me..."

"Well it didn't. You however, are still injured."

"Yeah, it's weird. When I tested it out, my injury disappeared. This time they didn't. It must have been the presence of that other pony."

"Speaking of which, who was that?"

"No idea, but he tried to kill me."

"He tried to what?" asked Rainbow angrily.

"Don't worry, we won't see him again, probably. When he left, he had a gash on his chest and was missing an arm."

"Tarnation! You really taught him a thing or two." said Applejack.

"I sure did!" I said. "Hold the phone, I have something to do yet!"

"What is it?" asked Twilight.

"I'm helping a blacksmith in Canterlot do something." I said.

I stretched my wings out. I had forgotten about the splint. "Maybe tomorrow. Wing's still down. Haven't slept in a while. I think. I feel tired, so it must've been a while. But first, cupcakes."

"I speak that language!" said Pinkie happily.

"Fo' shizzle."

We headed into town. Only then had I realized how dark it was. I pulled out my iPod, twelve. I jumped into some trees and promptly fell out.

"What what the point of that?" asked Discord.

"Do I need a reason to do everything now?"

"I suppose not."

"Nyeh!"

We arrived at Sugarcube Corner and I looked around. "Hey wait, where's Celestia?"

"She had to go somewhere."

"Mkay."

"Who's up for cupcakes?" asked Pinkie happily.

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Maybe." She ran in and came out with a mountain of cupcakes.

"Geez, that's a lot of cupcakes." I said, salivating and rubbing my hooves together.

"Well get eating!"

"Gladly."

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

"Cupcakes good."

"Yeah, but now it's late and time to sleep."

I started to climb thin air like a ladder.

"Where are you going with such physics neglect ion?" asked Twilight.

"I'm gonna sleep on a cloud. Clouds best sleep... area. Sleep area... bed. Yeah, cloud bed."

"Yes, sleep." said Rainbow.

She flew up near me, and fell asleep in mid air. I jumped off of the physics shattering ladder and caught her. "This is gonna hurt in the morning." I said, falling out of the air.

Twilight used her magic to catch me from putting a self impression of my back into the ground. "Why didn't you use your magic?" she asked.

"Too late now. Looks like I'm taking Rainbow home tonight. Again. Why does this keep happening to me?" I said.

Setting her on my back, I materialized a real ladder and climbed up into the clouds. I got to the top and had to walk on four legs, like a normal pony. It was less confusing than I thought that it would be.

I got into Cloudsdale and made my way to Rainbow's house. A few pegasi gave me odd looks, but I ignored them. Then three familiar pegasi blocked my path.

"Excuse me." I said.

"Well well well, look who we have here. It's Rainbow Crash." one said.

"Not now, it's been a long day." I said.

"Oh, and who's the one carrying her?"

"Not in the mood for this." I said.

"Not in the mood for what?"

"Get the hell out of my way!" I said.

"No."

One of them started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked the other.

He stopped laughing and looked at him.

"Anyways, what's a mare like Rainbow doing with a stallion like you?"

"I'm taking her home."

He got a creepy smile on his face and the other started laughing again. "Ooooo. You hear that boys? He's taking her home." he said.

I looked for a place to set Rainbow down so I could beat his face in. Seeing none, I started to walk forward.

"Where do you think you're going, we're not done with you yet." he said.

"Well I'm done with you." I said.

"That's it boys, let's get him!" he yelled.

"Shut the hell up, you're going to wake her." I said while they moved forward.

"Oh boohoo, she's gonna wake up."

"Looks like that broken nose I gave you didn't teach you anything."

"Nice try, you're not him. You may sound like him, but he wasn't a pony." he said.

I backed up, still trying to find a place to set her down. None what so friggin ever. 'Now, what can I do?' I thought.

They pounced on me and I tossed Rainbow in the air. My reaction sense activated and I took care of them. I caught Rainbow and hurt my wing in doing so. "That's gonna hurt in the morning."

"Hey guys, I think that he was telling the truth." said the third one.

"That happens again, you're all going to the hospital, got that?" I threatened. They nodded and flew away. "Idiots."

I got myself to Rainbow's house and put her on her bed. I walked out and started walking to a barren cloud. "Why would Rainbow need a bed if clouds are so comfy?" I pondered.

"I've wondered that many times myself, why do pegasi have beds?" said a voice.

"Who's talking?" I asked, looking around.

"Just me, Discord."

"Alright then. Enough talking, I'm just gonna fall asleep." I said, laying down.

"See you tomorrow."

"Don't destroy the world while I'm out."

"Don't worry about that."

He left and I fell asleep on the comfy cloud.

"That was some good sleepage." I said, waking up.

I went into Cloudsdale to get some food, maybe they had some cupcakes. "Yeah, cupcakes."

I got to the center of town and saw a small commotion at the end of the street. I walked over to find out what was going on. It was those three pegasi again. They were talking to a pony that I didn't know.

"What do you mean? He came here?" asked the pony they were talking to.

"Yeah, he fought us, and ran off." said the leader.

I walked over and put my arms on two of the four ponies. "You talking about me?" I asked.

The leader jumped back and prepared to fight me again. The other two in the group backed off. The pony that they were talking to didn't show any emotion.

"What are you doing here?" asked the leader.

"Enough trying to fight me! You know, and I know, that you won't win."

"I thought you said that he ran off." said the other pegasus.

"They lied. Anyways, who are you?" I asked.

"I'm the one who protects these idiots when they get into trouble." he said, getting ready to fight.

I stuck out my head and tapped my cheek. "One free shot." I said.

"Don't mock me!" he yelled, kicking my cheek and sending me flying.

"Geez dude, you got a good kick." I said, getting up. "But it's not good enough."

I ran at him and he tried to kick me again. My reaction sense went up and I dodged it. I punched him in the face and sent him into the air. I jumped after him and brought my legs down on his head, sending him back to the ground. "I really didn't wanna do that. You wanna protect the three stooges, keep them out of trouble." I said.

"What are you doing Phil?" asked Rainbow, flying above us.

I waved at her and said, "He started it."

"Just what's going on here?"

"Hey look, it's Rainbow Crash!"

I glared at him and he backed away. "Does that answer your question?"

"Um... I think so."

"That's good. Hey what's-your-face, want a cupcake?" I asked.

He stood back up. "Me?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"No."

"Suit yourself. C'mon Rainbow, let's get some cupcakes."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Any cupcake places near here in Cloudsdale, or are we going back to Ponyville?"

"Ponyville will probably be our best bet."

"Hey Dash, can I get some help with this?" I asked, pointing to my wing and opening it.

"What do you need?"

"Could you take off the splint?"

"I guess so, hold still."

She looked at the splint and tapped it with her hoof. "Didn't hurt, that's a good sign." I said. She tugged on it a bit, and eventually it came off.

I flapped my wings a bit. "That feels so much better. Thanks Rainbow." I said, hugging her.

"Uh, yeah. No problem." she said, blushing.

"Meet you at Sugarcube Corner." I said, diving off the cloud.

After I left, those three bullies walked up to Rainbow. "Hey Rainbow Crash, looks like your friend's taken a liking to you." he mocked.

"What?" she yelled angrily.

"Looks like it." said the second.

The last one started laughing.

"You shut your mouths."

"What's his name anyway?"

"His name is Phil."

"Rainbow and Phil, sitting in a tree..."

I poked my head back up through the clouds and glared at them. "Enough."

"K-i-s..."

"I swear to god, if you finish that, it's gonna rain blood." I shouted.

"...s-i-n-g."

SNAP

"Well... that was probably a horrible sight to see. I wouldn't know, I wasn't there."

"Yeah, it was." said Rainbow.

"Took care of one problem, now it's time for cupcakes."

"I don't know if I still have an appetite after now."

I looked around and saw that the clouds were stained blood red. "I warned them."

"Well yeah, but..."

"Anyways, cupcakes, gonna eat them."

"Hey wait up!"

"I knew you wanted some cupcakes!"

"Actually, I just wanted to say thank you."

"My pleasure. My sick and twisted pleasure." I said.

I jumped off of the cloud again and actually made it to the ground this time. "Sir, re-entry complete, permission to cupcake? Too fuckin' bad." I said, landing. "Now, where am I relevant to Sugarcube Corner?"

I walked around until I found something familiar. Octavia's house was near here, so I decided to stop by and say hi. Finding her house, I went up and knocked on her door.

"Hi Phil! What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see if you wanted some cupcakes."

"That sounds great." she said.

"Yay!"

We walked to Sugarcube Corner and I got us some cupcakes. "Cupcakes!"

"Cupcakes."

I finished my cupcake and said, "So how have you been?"

"I've been pretty good. I was able to play in another concert while you were gone."

"That's pretty neat. On an unrelated note, have you heard the news about Luna?"

"Yeah, and you were blamed for what happened."

"Lucky I was able to get out of there without injuries on either side."

"Yeah."

"Speaking of which, I need to go."

"Where to?"

"Canterlot."

"You're kidding, right."

"Eenope. See you whenever!"

"Be careful there!"

"I will!" I said, walking out of the store.

I stretched my wings and jumped into the air. "I love flying!"

I flew to Canterlot, avoiding a group of guards on my way there. I made my way to the blacksmith that I had gather materials. I got there and walked into the forge. "Hello!" I said.

He turned around and freaked out when he saw me. "Get out of my shop you villain!"

"Damn it! Looks like I'm not getting any weighted clothes anytime soon." I said to myself. "Alright fine, I want my money back though, or else."

"Ok man, be cool." he said, slowly moving to his coat.

He got out a bag and tossed it at me. I looked in it, bits. I nodded and then left.

"Guards! Guards!" I heard.

I changed direction and put on a burst of speed, not enough to go supersonic, that would be a dead giveaway. I got far enough away from Canterlot that They wouldn't catch me. I turned around and looked at the city. Many guards were exiting and flying in my direction. "Damn it!"

I flew straight at them, then went supersonic right in front of them. This scattered them and I flew off, way past Canterlot castle. They couldn't follow me anymore and had to fall back.

I stopped, laughed, landed, and looked around. I was in a large forest. "Not the Everfree, maybe Whitetail. Should I head back home? Yeah, that sounds reasonable."

I walked in the direction that I assumed the town was in. I had to duck and cover a few times when a guard passed overhead, but it was otherwise peaceful. Then I heard a loud noise.

I followed it to the source and saw a doorway on the side of a cliff. It was completely out of place and seemed new. I opened it up and saw something that I haven't seen for around three months, another human.

"What? Is this a multidimensional doorway? Maybe if I use it, I can come back to this world, unlike the spell that I used on Destiny and that asshole that made Fluttershy cry. That was a one way trip. Hmmm..."

I stuck my hoof through. It didn't change whatsoever. I pulled it back and stuck my horn through, no change. "If it doesn't work, I can never come back." I said. "I hope that I can come back, or I'll just be depressed all my life."

I stuck my head through, and was met with something bashed into my head before I could see anything, knocking me out.

> Journey to Russia
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What is this thing?" asked a human.

"I don't know what it is, but it came out of the portal." said another.

"I hope you did not injure it. It would be a perfect test subject." said a third, this one in a white lab coat. "Tie it up, make sure that it can not escape."

"Yes sir!"

They took me to a platform in the center of the room. They chained me to it and bound my legs, arms, and even my wings.

"Sir, it has wings, and a horn."

"We can discuss that later. Right now all you are going to do is tie it up."

"Right, sorry sir." he said.

I started to regain consciousness at this point. "What just happened?"

"Hello, whatever you are, I trust that you are safe. I hope that my friend here didn't hurt you." said the one with the coat as if I were a child.

I looked at him and tried to rub the bump on my head. "Why am I bound by chains?"

"It was just a precaution."

"Can never be too safe I suppose. Anyways, no, I'm fine. Stop talking to me as if I were a child, it pisses me off."

"If you say so. Do you know where you are now?"

"If I had to guess, I would put myself in some sort of military base. With the nature of a multidimensional portal, this would be a top secret base, possibly in Area 51, unless of course I'm not in America. Then I would place this area in Russia. Considering your accents and lack of US standard issue military uniforms, I'd say the latter would be more accurate. Was I close?"

"You seem to know about this world." he said, growing a more darker expression, guess I hit the nail on the head. "Alright then, where did you come from?"

"Ha! That information wouldn't help you even if I told you. I mean it, literally."

"Tell me."

"If you say so. I was in a world called Equestria. The dominative species are ponies, such as myself. There are two rulers, sisters. Three main types of ponies are what makes up the species. Earth ponies, which have incredible talent with the land. Pegasus, which can fly. Unicorns, which can use magic. There is another species, alicorn, such as myself. Alicorns can fly and use magic. Only the Princesses, and me, are alicorns."

"Magic? Do you think that this is a game, boy? Tell me the truth!" he shouted.

"Tell you the… I just did!"

"You expect me to believe that magic is real?" he asked.

"I didn't expect you to believe, I knew that you wouldn't."

"Men, prepare the room, I am going to start the operation now." he said, turning and snapping his fingers.

"Operation, what operation?" I asked.

"You'll see." said the scientist.

The men in the room started to get out and connect medical equipment. The scientist got out a syringe and put a liquid into it. "Now, this won't hurt a bit." he said, walking towards me.

"Get away from me." I said, tugging on the chains.

He walked closer and closer until he was right over me. He started to lower the needle.

"I AM NOT A FUCKING TEST SUBJECT!" I yelled, breaking the chains with my magic and smashing my hoof into his face.

He flew back and held his face. He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at my leg. I jumped out of the way of the shot and tore the gun apart with my magic. He hunched over holding the bloody thing that I wouldn't even call a hand anymore and the other men opened fire at me. I created a forcefield around me and dived at one of them, knocking him to the ground and kicking him until he was knocked out.

The other soldier ran to a speaker and called, "Red alert, red alert! All personnel report to the testing chamber at once!"

I dived at him and knocked him out with a swift punch to the face. I grabbed the microphone and said, "Come get me if you can!"

I heard a large amount of shouts coming from down the hall, and I sealed the door by melting it to the frame. I ripped apart the wall and went into the next room. I saw some scientists about to operate on another test subject. They ran towards me, pulling out pistols. I knocked them all out and went to examine who, or what, ever they were going to operate on.

"Help me…" she said weakly.

"Who are you, and why should I help you?"

"Is that you Phil?" she asked.

"Luna?"

"Yes, help me, please."

I broke the ropes holding her down and examined her. I noticed something that I would've been a complete retard to miss. She was a human now, and a beautiful human at that. She also had wings, but no horn. At least the universe gave her clothes that matched her. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I don't know."

"Hmmm. Are you hurt?"

"They kept me here for three days. I haven't had anything to eat. All that they gave me was water."

I tried to suppress my anger after hearing this. "C'mon Luna, we need to get out of here." I said, putting her on my back.

She fell asleep and I ran through another wall, tearing through it as though it were paper. I destroyed everything in my path trying to find a way out. Luna was sleeping away, oblivious to the many armed soldiers around me. They were catching up to me and I wasn't getting anywhere fast.

"That's it. I have had enough." I said.

I blacked out again, and when I woke up, I was outside with Luna still on my back. I was covered in blood and there was a bloody trail of footprints in snow to my position. "Footprints?"

They were indeed footprints. I looked at myself, back to a human form, just no shoes, as horrifying as that sounds. Wings included, luckily. "Gotta get Luna to a hospital."

I looked back at her and she shivered. I took off my shirt and pants and put them on her over her clothes. "Anything that helps is necessary."

I started walking through the snow, leaving bloody footprints as I walked. I had tried to use a heat spell, but it failed. I kept walking through the snow. It was at this point that I realized that the footprints in the snow were bloody because of my own blood, and not anyone else's. "Need to get Luna to a hospital, preferably before we both die in the snow."

It was cold, colder than cold. I pushed onward with everything that I could muster. It seemed that I had made very little progress, and yet, I knew that I was miles from the base. Luna wasn't doing much better. I wrapped my wings around her to keep her warm. Once I passed the hill that I was climbing up, I couldn't feel anything any more and my feet had bloody shells on the bottom.

I got lucky and spotted a town at the bottom of a cliff. I unwrapped my wings from around Luna and jumped down, hoping to glide. My wings were nearly frozen and I crashed into the ground. My left ankle was broken and I had to use my wings to continue moving.

I flew my way to the building with the red cross on it, my feet sliding along the ground. I opened the door with my magic, then fell to the ground. Some of the staff ran over to check on us. They started talking in Russian, and I felt them take Luna off of my back. I felt them lift me and put me on a stretcher, then I passed out.

I woke up in a hospital bed. "Does anybody speak English here?" I asked.

The nurse that was in the room at the time said something in Russian and walked out. Another nurse walked in and said, "Hello, you speak English?" with a Russian accent.

"Yes, where is my friend?" I asked.

"The woman with the wings?"

"Yes, is she ok?"

"She was in much better condition than you were. She is fine. She needs to rest for a while and she'll make a full recovery. She had hypothermia everywhere, stuff like that. You on the other hand, won't be leaving for a while."

"Yeah yeah, I knew that would happen. I bet you're curious about our wings."

"Yes, everybody on the staff are curious about them."

"Well, I can't really help you there. Just treat them as if they were another limb on our bodies."

"That was a disappointment. Now I have another question."

"Why were we so messed up?"

"Yes."

"I walked many miles through the snow without shoes, pants, or a shirt after I gave them to her. We were going to be experimented on in a secret military base a few miles away. I destroyed the base and we made our escape. She hasn't been fed in three days and passed out, so I had to carry her the whole way here. I jumped off of the cliff and broke my foot on impact."

"You jumped off of the cliff?" she asked, shocked.

"Wings." I said.

"Wait, back up. You were captured by the military and destroyed the base all by yourself?"

"Yes."

"You liar!"

"If you don't believe me, than you can go see for yourself. Just follow the trail of bloody footprints starting at the top of the cliff."

"I need to report this, we were told that the placement of the base wouldn't be near the town. Is your information accurate?"

"I don't have any reason to lie to you."

She ran out of the room, leaving me alone with my bandages. "I hope she was telling the truth. I hope Luna is ok. Damn snow, I still can't feel anything."

I couldn't get up or move anything except me head. I looked at my body, covered from head to toe with wrappings. I looked like I just broke a Pinkie promise. I chuckled at my joke, and started coughing up blood. Another nurse walked into the room and noticed my coughing.

"Are you ok?" she asked, rushing over to me.

I couldn't talk, but I managed to stop coughing. She looked in my mouth and wrote something on a piece of paper. "You'll be fine as long as you stop coughing like that. Truth be told, you shouldn't even be alive by now."

"Shouldn't be alive, huh? Lucky me. When can I leave this place?"

"Not anytime soon I can tell you that."

"Just give me an estimate."

"A month, six weeks maybe."

"I can't be in here for that long!" I said angrily. I relaxed and admitted defeat. "Shit."

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do."

"Yeah, I know. Oh well. At least Luna's safe."

"I wasn't informed of her. Anyways, I was sent here to get some information from you."

"What do you need?"

"Standard things. First and foremost, what are the names of you and your friend?"

"My name is Phil Seefeldt, and her name is Prin… I mean Luna." I said.

"What is her last name?"

"It's just Luna."

"Just Luna?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Where did you live?"

"What is the date today?"

"What?"

"The date, what is it?"

"January 16, 2012."

"Wow, the concept of time and space amuses me. I live in America."

"America? When did you travel to Russia."

"Today. Not longer than about three hours ago."

"You've been here for that long and are that messed up?"

"Yeah. Enough about suspicious things, do you have any more questions?"

"Did this Luna person live with you?"

"No, she lived in an entirely different country."

"Which would be?"

"Classified."

"What?"

"Classified."

"You shouldn't keep this information from me."

"And yet I shall."

"I can't force you to tell me, so I'll ask you something else. How old are you, and Luna?"

"Me, 16. Luna, classified."

She started to get angry at this point. "What were you doing in the snow for so long without clothes?"

"That one I can answer. I was kidnapped by soldiers and was about to be operated on to find out about my… wings. I broke free and wrecked the place. I found Luna on my way out and brought her with me. I put my shirt and pants on her and carried her all the way here. Follow the bloody footprints at the top of the cliff and you'll find a large amount of shredded metal and broken bodies."

"If you didn't want to tell me, you could just said so."

"That's true! The base, the destruction, everything about that story is true!" I said angrily. I started to cough up more blood and calmed down. "It's true."

"Alright, if you say so." she said.

"You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"Of course not."

"Yup, you think I'm crazy. Get out of my room." She mumbled something and left. "That was fun."

I fell asleep and nothing of importance happened during sleepdom.

"How long was I out? Was it normal?"

"Yes, it was normal, why do you ask?"

"Because when I went to the hospital another time, I was out for four days."

"You have previous medical history?"

"Yeah, I was sent to the hospital like five times in the past four months, not counting this one."

"That will help us with treating you. Where were you admitted to the hospital?"

"Classified."

"Tell me."

"That information is classified. I'm not even allowed to know." I lied.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Classified."

"Alright, I can see that I won't be getting anywhere with this." she said, walking out.

"Wait!" I called.

"What is it? Are you hurt?"

"No. I wanted to know if Luna was ok. How is she doing?"

"Yes, she is doing just fine. Is that all?"

"Yes, that's it."

"Alright. Goodbye." she said, leaving.

"That fourth wall's got some explaining to do." I said.

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up to see nothing spectacular. I sat up and looked at the room. Nothing special. A doctor walked into the room to get some test results, or something, I wasn't paying attention. Then there was a knock on the door. The doctor walked to it and opened it up.

"Is he alright?" I heard.

"Yes, but he's sleeping right now."

"I'm not sleeping, let 'em in." I said.

"Phil! You're ok?" asked Luna, walking in.

"Hey Princess. Yeah, I'm ok. Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Did you say Princess?" asked the doctor.

"Luna, come over here." I said. She walked next to me and I whispered, "Humans aren't going to believe us if we say anything about Equestria. Let's keep it between us."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll keep Equestria out of this world."

I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Well?" asked the doctor.

"Well what?"

"Did you say Princess?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"Is she a Princess?"

"No, are you stupid? Princess is just a nickname."

"Ah yes, sorry."

"Leave now, you bore me." I said.

He exited the room, leaving me and Luna alone. "So, how have you adjusted to being a human?"

"It was actually easier than I thought it would be. I knew how to walk thanks to you, and the rest just followed suit."

"Neat. So anyways, I'm gonna be in here for a while. Are you able to leave?"

"Yes, I was allowed to leave, but I chose to stay here with you."

I smiled and said, "That's awful nice of you. I do see one problem though. How are we going to get back?"

"I don't know."

"I guess we could use that multidimensional portal, but it was probably taken somewhere else after I trashed the lab."

"There was a gateway into our world?" she asked.

"Yes. That's how I got here, and was able to save you."

"That sounds like a fine way to get back home."

"Yeah, it would be great, but I can't leave until I'm healed."

"Oh, I can help you with that." she said.

"You can? How?"

"Don't tell my sister this, but I am able to use a healing spell."

"Why don't you want me to tell Celestia?"

"It's one of the few things that I can do that she can't."

"Ha! That's funny. Alright, you have my word."

Her horn started to glow and she touched my head with it. My body felt like it was submerged in water, and my feet, especially my left foot, felt really weird. She lifted her head and looked tired. "That's that, you can get up now."

I lifted my arm and felt it. "Hey, I can actually feel that!" I said.

I jumped out of bed and stood up. "No excruciating pain! That's a plus."

"Yup, you're all good now." she said.

I hugged her and said, "Thanks Luna!"

She blushed and said, "Yeah, no problem."

I let go of her and she almost fell over. "You alright?"

"Oh yes, I'll be fine. I just need a little rest."

"Take a load off." I said, setting her down on the bed.

"But this is your bed." she said.

"Not like I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna tell the doctors that I'm fine, then fight them off as they try to get me back into bed." I said.

"If you insist."

"I do insist, it's comfy."

She laid down on the bed and I walked out saying, "'Night."

"'Night."

I walked out of the room and immediately a doctor ran up to me and said, "What do you think you're doing out of bed in your condition?"

"I don't have any condition." I said.

He looked at me. "What happened to you?" he asked.

"How can I explain this? I got better."

"But how?"

"Classified." I said.

"What?"

"Hey, where can I make some money around this place? I wanna buy some coats. It's too cold outside for me and Luna to go with what we had. If it comes to that, I'll just end up coming back here again." He just stood there, looking at me. "Alright, thanks for the help." I said, walking away.

"Get back here!" he said, walking after me. "You're not going anywhere until you explain this to me."

I turned around and said, "Fat chance."

I walked away and he went to the phone that was nearby on a desk. I ignored him and went to look for some sort of cafeteria.

"This isn't gonna help that everyone's Russian." I said to myself. "I got lucky with the people that I could understand. Maybe I could use magic to help me with this."

I tried to figure out a spell that would enable me to speak another language. It wasn't easy, but I finally got one. I started to activate the spell, then my entire body glowed. I stopped the spell before it could start and ran down the hallway. "Hope this doesn't look suspicious."

> Chapter 18
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon entering the town again, we were approached by the soldiers again. We were surrounded and I told Luna to put her hands up. "I surrender, now what do you want?" I asked.

They ran over to us and put handcuffs on us. We were escorted to a police car and we had to get in.

"Phil, what's going to happen to us?" she asked.

"Long as you stay by me, nothing. I don't know anything about Russian law, so I can't guarantee that we won't have to run."

"Stop talking back there." said a police, starting the car.

"Can I ask why she was involved in this?" I asked him.

"Assisting a criminal."

"Assuming that this criminal is me, what, pray tell, did I do?"

"That information was not given to me. All that we were told is that you were to be brought in for questioning and to be cautious."

"Huh... Sounds like that's gonna be boring." I said to myself.

Luna shifted uncomfortably and I looked at her. "Feeling alright?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"You'll be fine." I said.

"Hmmm..."

I moved my handcuffs to the front of me. "That's better."

I looked out the window, we had been in the car for an awfully long time. I noticed that there wasn't any buildings around here. "Where are we going? Nothing is out here." I asked.

He didn't answer and sped up. "Looks like it Luna." I said.

"Looks like what?"

"We're gonna have to run." I said, stopping the engine with my magic.

"What just happened?" asked the driver. He tried to start the car again, and I stopped it again. "What's going on with this thing?"

He got out and opened the hood. The other looked at us to make sure we don't do anything.

I leaned over to Luna and said, "Gimme your hands for a sec."

She moved her hand as best she could and I broke the cuffs. I snapped my own cuffs and he pulled out a gun and aimed it at Luna. He signaled for the other and he got to the door and aimed his gun at me. I put up a force field around us and kicked the door open. They fired at me and they were deflected.

I put my hand on the cover protecting the front seat and sent a shockwave through it, sending him into the windshield and knocking him out. I punched the other man out and got out of the car. I stood next to the door and helped Luna out.

I put the men back into the car and took the microphone. "Hello, is anybody listening in?"

"This is squad car 17, what do you need?"

"I found these officers unconscious in their car in the middle of nowhere."

"Are they safe?" he asked.

"Yeah, they're fine, but the engine's out. There's no heat for them."

"Copy that, remain there. Someone will be there to pick them up. Thank you for informing us."

"Yeah, no problem." I said.

I put the microphone back where it was and said, "Alright Luna, it's time to go."

"Do you know where we are going?"

"No, but if I use that detection spell again, I'm bound to find another town. Just gotta increase the power."

I activated the spell and maximized the power output. I noticed a change in one direction. "We're going that way." I said, jumping into the air.

We flew the way that I picked out and eventually we saw a few buildings. We landed and started walking into town. "We're gonna have to get some supplies while we're here." I said.

"What kind of supplies?"

"Food, water, stuff like that. It'll take us a while to get back to where the first portal is, even at top speed. Also probably clothes."

"How are we going to get those things."

"I don't know, either we get jobs or become thieves, and I don't really want to steal things."

"Yes, stealing is bad, but what jobs could we get?"

"I can think of one thing right off hand, but only a select few will read my story anymore if I say it to you."

"What?" she asked, confused.

"I could probably fight people for money." I said. "Or maybe I could apply for a legitimate job under a fake name."

"Why a fake name?"

"I'm a wanted criminal, and so are you actually."

"So what do you have in mind?"

"I'll go with Reznov. Phil is too American, I'll be found out. Luna is probably fine."

"Alright, Reznov." she said.

"Your hair would probably be a dead giveaway though." I said.

"My hair? What's wrong with my hair?"

"It's blue. Most people don't have blue hair."

"Well I don't want to change it!" she said, holding her hair.

I shrugged and said, "Don't have to."

"I can't really think of something that I can do." she said.

"Hey, hold on a second." I said, stopping.

I reached into my pocket and found my bag o' bits, It was like magic. I looked inside and saw that the bits had changed into rubles. I counted out around 6000 of them, about 200 usd. "We may not have to get a job. I just found a sizable chunk o' change." I said.

"Where did you get that?"

"Found it in my pocket, like magic. Now we have enough money to get some food." I said.

"Lucky us."

"Yeah." I said.

I took out enough for a meal and handed it to her. "Go find yourself something to eat. I'm going to put on a show that involves winning."

"Be careful."

"Eeyup."

I walked into the nearest building that looked like it could be a bar and looked at the men inside. One was bragging about how strong he was and I walked over to him. He was a big guy, maybe in his forties.

He looked at me and asked, "What do you want kid?"

"I noticed that you are strong, care to try and make some money?" I asked.

"What's the catch?"

"No catch, just beat me in arm wrestling." I said.

He started laughing and said, "You're a funny kid."

"I'm serious." I said, getting out my bag. "You have money, I have money, let's leave with one of us being richer."

He looked at me like I was still kidding. "Kid, you can't honestly think that you can win against me, can you?"

"Would you care to see, or are you going to back down from a 16 year old who wants to arm wrestle?"

"Suit yourself, just don't cry to me when you lose all of you money." he said. "How much?"

"1000 rubles." I said, taking them out of my bag.

He did the same and we set the money aside. One of his friends got it set up and we held our hands together.

"2, 1, go." said the other man.

A split second after the man said go, his hand was on the table. "Boom!" I said.

He looked at his hand, shocked and confused. "I wasn't ready that time." he said.

'Like I haven't heard that one before.' I thought.

I took the money and said, "Would you like to try again?"

He got out another thousand and I did the same. More people were watching this time and I rolled up my sleeve.

"2, 1, go."

"Boom!" I said, winning again.

Some other men tried to best me, but they all failed. I ended up leaving the bar with 10000 more rubles than I came in with. "Thanks for the nice wad of cash men, I'll be seeing you!" I said upon leaving.

I walked around and eventually found Luna walking out of a bar. She was holding a can in her hand and her face was red. She was smiling like an idiot and walking funny. "Damn it Luna, are you drunk?" I asked when I got to her.

"Hey buddy, where have you been?" she asked, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"Yup, you're wasted." I said. "We need someplace to stay tonight."

She took another drink out of her can and I grabbed it from her. "No more beer, Luna." I said.

"Hey that's mine!"

I tossed it aside and started walking, Luna still hanging off of my shoulder. "What was that stuff?" she asked.

"It's called beer, and it's bad for you. You're gonna hate yourself in the morning."

"Oh yeah, why's that?"

"Hangover."

"What's that?"

"You'll find out in the morning, but right now we have to get you someplace to lay down, or something."

We eventually got to a motel and I got us a room for two nights. "Aren't you kinda young to rent a room?" asked the person at the counter.

"Probably, but money is money." I said, paying him.

"You're right about that, son." he said, giving me a key.

"C'mon Luna, I got us a place to stay for the night." I said.

"That your mom?" he asked.

"No relation. We're not even from the same universe."

He gave me a strange look and said, "Well alright Mr. Reznov, I hope you enjoy your stay."

"Who's Reznov?" asked Luna.

"That's enough Luna, it's time to go to the room." I said.

"Is she alright?" asked the man.

"Yeah, she's just drunk." I said.

I took Luna to the room and she laid down on the bed, giggling. "My head is spinning." she said happily.

I looked at the clock, six. I looked at a map that was in the room, we were in Moscow. "We're gonna be heading west for a while."

"What about west?"

"Don't worry about it until tomorrow." I said.

I was getting pretty hungry and realized that I hadn't eaten recently. "Hey Luna, are you hungry?" I asked.

"Starved."

"Did you spend all that money on beer?" I asked. She giggled again. "Alright, let's go get some lunch."

We walked out and eventually found a restaurant. I walked inside and Luna followed me in. I ordered us a meal without any meat in it.

"You two vegetarians?"

"Her, probably. I don't know about me, I haven't eaten much more than cupcakes for the past four months."

"Four months without meat? I don't think that I could go that long."

"Cupcakes grow on a guy."

"C'mon Reznov! I'm starving over here." said Luna.

"You're gonna have to wait, food isn't instantaneous." I said.

"That your mom, kid?"

"No relation."

We sat down and waited until it was ready. When the food came, Luna finished it off in record time and I just stared at mine. "You gonna eat that?" she asked.

I slid it over to her and stood up. I walked back and ordered some steak.

"That's what I like to hear." he said.

I waited at the table until they brought it out for me. "What's that?" asked Luna.

"Steak."

"What's steak?"

"Food." I said, taking a bite out of it. It was still as good as I had remembered.

"Can I have some?"

"No." I said.

"Aw c'mon!"

"No steak for Luna." I said.

"How come you can eat it and I can't?"

"It's an acquired taste." I lied. "You probably won't like it."

"Well alright, if you say so." she said, continuing to eat her meal.

We finished up and left with our stomachs full. "That was filling." I said.

"My head still feels funny, how long does it take for this beer stuff to wear off?"

"I don't know, give it a few hours, it's not permanent."

"I hope so."

"No really, it isn't permanent."

"That's good."

I saw someone walk past us and heard them say, "...and the kid just cleaned them out, can you believe it?"

"Not in the slightest, you're drunk."

"I am not!"

I laughed a little and we continued our stroll. We walked back to the room and I was very bored. I couldn't tell about Luna, being drunk and all.

We kicked off our shoes and I sat on the bed with Luna laying down next to me. "Got any ideas?" I asked.

"I can't think straight."

I laughed and looked at the time, eight. That took longer than expected. "Sleeping may be an option soon." I said.

"Already on it." she said.

I went back outside and drew an alchemical circle in the snow. I put my hands on it, and nothing happened, like normal. "Always worth a shot." I said.

I tried to materialize a weapon, but it didn't work. The same thing happened with the instrument. "This world follows physics, so materializing something would be a physical impossibility, even with the perfect capabilities. Maybe if I had raw material."

I picked up a rock and tried to materialize a dagger. The rock changed shape into that of the dagger I wanted. "Not exactly FMA alchemy, but it'll do. Who am I trying to kid? That was awesome!" I shattered it and walked back inside.

"What were you doing?" asked Luna.

"Just something." I said.

I looked at her and noticed that she just had underwear and a bra on. "What's with the lack of clothes?" I asked, blushing.

"Those were uncomfortable to sleep in, so I took them off."

"Alright then."

I laid down on the floor and Luna looked over the side of the bed. "What are you doing down there?" she asked.

"Sleeping up there with you is a little awkward to me." I said.

She got an evil smile on her face and her hands started to glow. A light shined around me and the next thing that I knew, I was next to her on the bed. She wrapped her arms around me and held on. "You win this round Luna."

She giggled and I put my arm around her. "Night Luna."

"Night Phil."

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up after Luna started to wake up. "Morning, beautiful." I said.

She blushed, then realized that we were sleeping together. "What happened? I can barely remember anything."

"You drank too much beer, got drunk, A went to B and we fell asleep like this."

"I got a serious headache."

"Yeah. You're also gonna hate light and loud noises. Hold on, I'll get you some water." I said, getting up.

I got her some water and she quickly drank it. "I don't want any more of that beer stuff."

"Good, it's bad for you."

"How so?"

"Messes with some of your organs."

"Sound dangerous, why do people even have it? It should be banned."

"They already tried that, it just caused a bigger problem."

"Oh."

"Anyways, get your clothes on." I said, tossing her the clothes.

"Why?" she asked. She didn't seem to understand the importance of clothing yet.

"In this world, people wear clothes. Some don't really want to, but it's the law. I, personally, don't care much for clothing, but it's not like I'm gonna just walk around naked all the time."

"You did it when you were a pony."

"Ponies don't usually wear clothes."

She nodded and put her clothes on. She was having trouble buttoning her pants. "Hey, can I have some help with this?" she asked.

'Of course.' "Yeah, no problem." I helped her button her pants and blushed through the whole thing.

"So what do you plan on doing today?"

"Er... Oh right! I was gonna head to some store and get us some clothes."

"More clothes?"

"I might like to change once a month. Anyways, we're gonna go through a couple different climates on our way there. Also probably a stop at the beach. The ocean's cool. Gonna need proper clothes while I'm swimming."

"I guess so. This concept of clothes confuses me."

"First things first, let's get some pancakes."

"I don't know if I could eat them right now."

"Stay here and rest up a bit then. Rest usually helps." I said.

"Yeah, alright."

"See you in a little while, Luna." I said, exiting the room.

I walked to a restaurant and ordered myself some pancakes. I devoured them and left, looking for something else to do. I decided to look for a clothing store.

I walked around for a while and came across a store that sold various clothes and similar products. I walked inside and picked out some basic clothes for myself, and decided to come back later with Luna. I also got myself some swimming trunks for the occasional swim.

I walked up to pay and he asked, "Traveling?"

"You could say that."

"Alright, where to?"

"America. Me and my friend are headed to America."

"America huh? Well, safe travels."

"Thanks."

I went back to the room with my bags o' clothes hanging off of my arms. There was like three of them, mostly due to the bulky winter gear.

"Hey Luna, feeling better?" I asked.

"Much better."

"Good. I found a clothes store, whenever you're ready we can get some pancakes and then get some clothes for you."

"Pancakes sound great."

She got ready and we headed out. We got a meal and headed to the store. 'I hate myself already. What was I thinking? Taking a girl to a clothes store.'

She seemed to care even less about clothes than I did, getting just another shirt and pants. "C'mon Luna, you're gonna need more than just that." I told her.

I helped her pick out a set of clothes. Socks were definitely the easiest. Shirts and pants, no complaints. Winter apparel, no problem. Then it got awkward, for me at least. She had to pick out underwear and the like.

She walked off and came back with some panties without a bra. 'Damn it!' "You're gonna need some help, aren't you?"

"I guess."

I was forced to help her pick out a few and she started looking at bikinis. She grabbed one and put them in the cart. 'Giggity.'

"That it?" she asked.

"God I hope so." I said, getting my ass out of there.

We paid for the clothes with the same cashier that I had earlier. He took a look at Luna and asked, "Is this your mom?"

"No." I said.

"I'm his very special somep... someone." she said.

'That's that then.' I thought.

"Wow kid. You're one lucky son of a bitch, you know that?" he said in disbelief.

I smiled at him and said, "I know."

We left and headed back to the room. I was mulling over the relationship. I finally reached a conclusion, 'Neat. If that's what she thinks, then I won't take it away from her.' I was smiling the whole way back.

I set the bags on the floor next to mine. Six bags wasn't really that bad for one day of shopping.

"Is there somewhere to clean myself off here?" she asked.

"Think there's a shower over there." I said, pointing to the bathroom.

She walked in and figured out how to work it on her own, probably. I hadn't been called in yet and the water was already going, so it's probably fine.

I checked my cash supply, acceptable, but I could do with some more. "Hey Luna, I'm going out for a while, I'll be back in about an hour."

"See you then."

I walked back to the bar that I went in earlier, then decided that I wasn't gonna get much after last time. I walked to somewhere else and found another.

A went to B and I walked back to Luna with a few more thousand rubles than I entered with. "Scamming these guys is easier than I thought."

I opened the door and Luna was watching TV when I got in. 'This may or may not be bad depending on if they have the hub here.' "How ya doin' Luna?"

"I'm pretty good."

"What are you watching?"

"I don't know."

"Alright."

"Phil! Where have you been?" asked the tv.

"That you Pinkie? Man, the fourth wall is like a plaything to you."

"Where have you been?"

"I've been in the human world, with Luna."

"Luna is there?"

"You're looking at her."

"That was unexpected."

"Don't worry about us Pinkie, we're gonna make our way back eventually."

"Well have fun then!"

"We will Pinkie. This world has more than a few things to keep us occupied."

The TV faded out and resumed normal playing. "What was that all about, what's the fourth wall?" asked Luna.

"That's a secret, I can't tell you."

"Fair enough."

"So anyways, we got another night here, what do you wanna do now?"

"Something fun."

"Most likely. How about we go see a movie?"

"A movie? That sounds fun."

"Alright, I'll find the nearest theater and we can head out." I said, grabbing a phone book from a drawer.

I looked up a theater and we headed out. 'Maybe a romantic or something funny. I don't think that Luna would like a slasher/horror movie, or maybe she would. Who knows?'

We walked to a relatively empty area and took to the skies. It was an acceptable distance away and would've taken a while to get there if we walked.

We got there and I told her to land on the roof where nobody could get a good look at us. "Alright, now to get down without suspicion." I said, walking to the back.

She followed me and I jumped off. "Clear." I called.

She hopped after me and we walked to the front. We walked in, got tickets and popcorn, and went to see the movie. Luna picked out our movie, apparently she had a lust for blood because she picked out the bloodiest movie they had.

I paid the woman who was giving out the tickets, and she said, "May I have some id sir?"

"R-rated, huh... Hey, does she look over 18?" I asked, pointing at Luna.

"What about 18?" asked Luna.

"I guess so."

"Than she's paying, right Luna?" I asked, handing her the money.

Luna looked at the money and handed it to the woman. "What's the deal with 18?" she asked me.

"Need at least one of us to be over 18 to see this movie. I don't even look over 18, let alone am over 18. You however, do look over 18, and are a bit more."

"Yeah, try a lot more."

"Yeah, c'mon Luna, let's go see that bloodbath you wanted to see."

TWO HOURS LATER

We exited the theater and Luna was smiling constantly. "Are you ok?"

"I love bloody movies."

"I can tell."

We went to a relatively empty area and took off back to the room. It got pretty dark and we decided to stay inside.

"You haven't stopped smiling since the movie." I said.

"I liked that movie."

"Alright then."

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go to bed." she said, removing her clothes.

"Are you gonna keep sleeping like that?" I asked.

"Clothes are so uncomfortable to sleep in."

"I can agree with that."

"Then why do you sleep with your clothes on?"

I started to blush and said, "That's enough of that. No more talk of clothing and the removal of."

"But..."

"No more."

"Fine."

I sat down on the bed next to Luna. "Yeah, sleep sounds like a great plan right about now." I said.

I laid down and Luna put her arm around me. "Goodnight Luna." I said, putting my arm around her.

"Goodnight."


> Adventures in Russia
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up, bored, same as usual. Everything was the same, except for one thing, Luna. She was still sleeping next to me, out like a light.

"Geez, for a Princess, she sure does act un-Princess-like." I said, getting up. "Then again, she really doesn't have any reason too."

I headed into the bathroom, used the toilet, then looked in the mirror. I noticed that I looked different than when I first went into Equestria, older. "Either I just broke a law of science that is completely true and unbreakable, or it was wrong. I loved that law. Matter cannot be created or destroyed, it just sounds so cool. I'm older than when I entered Equestria. Although I couldn't materialize. Guess the universe is nice like that. Me being older, coupled with the fact that Luna is here, makes an unbreakable truth seem like Pinkie got to it. I miss that reality warping pony. Oh well, no use in crying over spilled milk. I'll see them again whenever."

I grabbed a pen from on the table in the room and started to figure mathematical stuff out. I learned that it was going to take us about two weeks to get back home if we flew most of the day at Luna's speed, and maybe a week with mine.

I looked back at Luna, still sleeping. I walked out of the room and put my hand on the ground. The concrete molded itself into a butterfly knife and I picked it up. I flicked it around for a few minutes, then started to get more complicated. I did a few harder tricks, dropping it constantly. I got a few cuts on my fingers, but I ignored them. Clickity-click-click.

Soon enough, a few minutes turned into a few hours. Only then did I realize how early I had gotten up. I pocketed the knife and walked back in. Luna was just getting up.

"How'd ya sleep?" I asked.

"Fine. Where did you go, and how did you get those cuts on your fingers?" she asked.

I showed her the knife and flicked it around my thumb. "We need to protect the briefcase!" I shouted, running back out.

I walked back in a few seconds later and Luna looked confused. "I'm going to pretend that you never did that."

"That's probably for the best. Let's pack up." I said.

I threw our clothes that were on the floor into a corner of the room and said, "Hold on a minute, I'll be back with something to put these in."

I rushed to the nearest store, bought a suitcase, and came back, all in about three minutes. I grabbed the bags and threw everything into it, safe for the winter gear. "Anything I missed?" I asked.

"I don't think so."

I pulled out the knife and flicked it around. "I really like this knife." I said to myself.

We got our coats on and gave the key back to the man who gave it to us. We got some food from a diner, then took off into the air.

I levitated the suitcase next to me and we flew through the air for a while. Eventually we got hungry and stopped for some food and the like in some city. I played with the knife for a while and then we left again. We repeated this until it got dark, then we stopped at another motel.

We walked to the room and I put the suitcase in a corner. Luna laid down and I headed back outside. I jumped to the roof and laid down on it, letting my legs hang over the edge. I spent the next two hours looking at the sky, particularly at the moon.

I felt a tap on my leg and looked down. It was an officer who looked like he would rather be home.

"Evening officer, what seem to be the problem?" I asked.

"We received a tip that two fugitives were staying here tonight."

"And you interrupted me because?"

"To tell you the truth, you were the first person we saw." he said. Then he took out a piece of paper. "Have you seen a beautiful woman with blue hair traveling with a teenager around here?"

"I've seen lots of teenagers around here, but I haven't seen blue hair in years." I lied.

He started thinking, than said, "Why don't you come down from there, son."

I slid off the roof and my knife fell out of my pocket. I reached for it, but he grabbed it before I could get to it. "Is there a problem, officer?" I asked.

He looked at the paper again and then back to me. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs and put them around my wrists. "You are under arrest." he shouted, signalling his friend over.

I looked at the cuffs and said, "Ok."

The door to the room opened and Luna stepped out, rubbing her eyes. "What's with all the yelling, Phil?" she asked lazily.

The other officer cuffed her and she looked at me for the next move. I shrugged and looked at the officers. One led us into the car and the other started talking into a microphone on his shoulder.

"If you wanna search it, go right ahead. Suitcase is in a corner." I said.

They looked at me and one said, "We're not allowed to go through people's things without permission from a parent or guardian, or a warrant."

"Repeat what I said, Luna."

She did and they looked at us, confused. "What's going on here?"

"Gonna take too long to explain and you're not going to believe me." I said.

We got into the car and we were taken to the police station and placed in holding cells. When they had turned their backs, I molded the cuffs around Luna's wrists into a butterfly knife and I unlocked mine. I flicked it around a few times and put it in my pocket.

About twenty minutes later, a man with what I assumed were military medals on came in to talk to us.

"I am general Nikolai Orelov."

"Phil, or Resnov." I said, saluting. 'Awesome name.' I looked at Luna and said, "You too."

"Luna." she said, saluting as well.

He noticed that our cuffs were gone.

"Where are your cuffs?" he asked.

"These are mine." I said, giving him my cuffs. "And this was hers." I pulled out the knife, flicked it around, and gave it to him.

"Where did you get this?" he asked.

I put my hand on the wall, then used my powers to create another butterfly knife. I flicked it around and put it back into the wall.

"Is that limited to just the balisong?"

"Nope."

I did the same thing and made myself a taco. I ate it, then said, "What do you want? Are you here to recruit me, like Wolverine?"

"Actually, yes. That's exactly why I'm here. You can either..."

"Stay here and rot in prison, or join you?"

"Yes, what do you choose?"

"Luna, do you wanna join him?"

"I don't know. I don't know this man."

"That was no help. It truly depends on weather you act for good or evil, because I can get us out of here regardless."

He was silent for a few seconds, thinking carefully about his next words. Finally he said, "We act for the good of the people, and you will be a great asset to us."

"Yeah, alright. We'll join you." I said, fully knowing that he was lying.

"I was just talking about you."

"Why just me?"

"She has not shown any power that could help us."

"Hey Luna, do you think that you could move our moon?" I asked her.

"I could try." she said.

"What are you talking about?" asked the man.

I grabbed her shoulder and said, "This woman can move the moon."

"Are you insane? Moving the moon is impossible."

I stood up and walked past him, picking the knife off of him. I flicked it around and said, "Might as well try."

"Well, I guess so, but don't try any funny business."

He walked out of the cell and motioned for us to follow him. We went outside and a large platoon of soldiers aimed their guns at us. I looked around and decided that they were little threat. Nikolai told them to drop their weapons.

"Hey Luna, move the moon a little, then return it to the exact same place." I told her.

"Why's that?"

"You might destroy our planet. No pressure."

"Well, now you tell me.." she said, giving off a nervous chuckle.

She looked at the moon and started glowing. She raised her hand and moved the moon across the sky as if it were a pebble. She moved it back to where it was and said, "How was that?"

"That was great!" I said, smiling.

I looked at Nikolai, completely awed. "Alright, her too."

"Good, but before I join, we need to do something."

"Which would be?"

"We were traveling to America, I would like to finish the journey."

"I can arrange that, but you will be monitored."

"That's fine. Ya hear that, Luna? We got a ride."

"I wanted to fly there, with you." she said, looking down.

I looked back at Nikolai and said, "That's that then, we can make it on our own."

"What do you mean, make it on your own?" he asked.

I jumped in the air and flew around. "This is what I mean."

"You will be followed then." he said.

"Good luck."

"What do you mean?"

"I can fly for about eight hours straight, going supersonic three times an hour."

"That's impossible."

"See you later."

We flew back to the room and I said, "Dude's lying."

"I noticed that. He's an evil man. Why did you say that you will join him?"

"To piss him off when we leave. He knows that he can't do anything about us. He wants us to think that he can."

"A strategical advantage."

"And quite a good one if it worked."

"Which it didn't."

"Right. Anyways, it's late, and time to sleep."

"You woke me up last time."

"That was the officer, not me."

She chuckled and said, "Oh yeah."

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up and made myself some pancakes, literally. A cake in a pan. "I have no idea what I'm doing." I said to myself.

I looked around and saw a black half-sphere that held a camera inside hanging from the ceiling. It was hidden in a corner. I walked over to it, looked right at it, said, "Not now, we haven't even left yet." Then I smashed it, and went back to making the cake.

"What smells like cake?" asked Luna, waking up.

I showed her the cake in a pan and she said, "Why?"

I shrugged and continued. Three minutes later, I put it on a plate and we ate the cake. It wasn't done yet, but I got tired of waiting. "Cake is cakey." I said.

We got ready and walked outside. I looked around, a white van was parked across the street. I wave at it and said, "We're already being watched."

"That was fast."

"Yeah, they even installed a camera in the room while we were sleeping. It's gone now though."

She laughed and we flew away, the van starting to move our direction.

"Hey Luna, let's speed this up, I don't like being followed." I said, flying under her.

She landed on my back and held on tight. I quickly sped out of sight, then started to slow down. "See anyone?" I asked.

She looked back and said, "Nobody's following us, I think."

"Good."

She got off of my back and we flew at a normal pace. Soon enough, two fighter jets flew near us. I looked on the sides of them, American.

"Stay where you are, Luna." I told her.

We stopped in the air and they circled us. I waved at them, but I don't know if they could see it. I reached into my bag and pulled out a shirt. I changed it into a headset and magically set it to their frequency.

"Permission to resume flying, men?" I asked.

"Permission denied, now how did you get this frequency?" one asked. The other was telling his base about me.

"If you made a landing here, could you take off again?" I asked. I used my powers to force him to tell me the truth.

"We are able to take off again if we land here."

"Good." I said.

I cut off oxygen supply to their engines and gently lowered them to the ground.

They both got out of their planes, holding pistols towards us. I put my hands up and Luna did the same.

"Get down!" one shouted.

We both got on our knees and he asked, "Who are you?"

"Phil." I said, slowly moving my hand to salute him.

"Luna." she said, doing the same.

"How were you in the air like that?"

I opened my wings and he examined them. I looked at their planes and noticed something awesome, Pinkie Pie was painted on the side of one.

"Hey Luna, look! Pinkie!" I said happily.

She looked on the side of the plane and said, "Why is Pinkie on the side of that... machine?"

One of the pilots looked back at the plane, then back to us. "How do you know about Pinkie?" he asked.

"Pinkie Pie is partiest pony."

"Pinkie Pie is best pony." he replied.

"Derpy Hooves is best pony!" I replied.

"Pinkie Pie!"

"Derpy!"

"Luna is best pony!" said Luna.

"Luna is best pony!" I agreed.

"Them's fightin' words." he said. Then we started to laugh and the other man looked at us like we were insane.

"Back to business." I said.

"Agreed." said the man. "What's with the wings?"

I flapped them and hovered in the air for a minute, then fell back to the ground. "That's what's with them."

"Usable wings?" asked the brony.

The other man grabbed my headset and said, "Where did you get this?"

I slowly lowered my hand and placed it on the ground. I made another headset and showed it to him.

"How the hell?"

"Deal with it."

"And how did you get our radio frequency? That line wasn't con-man knowledge."

"Magic, next question."

"You think you're funny, boy?" he asked angrily.

"I think I'm hilarious."

Luna giggled after I said this and the men looked at her. "Sorry, but he's right."

"Listen you two, I don't want any trouble, so if you can point me to America before the Russians find me, that would be great."

"Why do you want to go to America, and why is Russia after you?" he asked.

"I want to go to America because I live there. The Russians are following me because... I stirred up a bit of trouble for us."

"What kind of trouble?"

I stood up, ignoring their threats, and placed a force field around us. "We are currently running from the government, and if you won't help us, I'm not gonna tell you that they're gonna send people to watch me." I said. "C'mon Luna, we gotta go."

She stood up and jumped into the air. "You guys gotta go, or Russia's gonna find you."

I jumped in the air and we flew away faster than they could follow.

LATER

"Today was fun." I said, entering the next area of residence I rented.

"I don't know about that word with this day." she said.

"Fair enough. It's boring here."

"I don't think so."

"You're not the one who lived in this world all your life, my little pony princess."

"That's true, but how can you be bored?"

"I get very bored, very fast. I barely pay attention to any... Did you see that bird?" I asked, looking at a bird.

NEXT DAY

Flying, stopping, eating, no police, flying again, sleep.

> Mane 6 Again
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

PONYVILLE

Twilight p.o.v.

"Spike, come here!" I shouted.

"What is it?" he asked, running down the stairs.

"Look at this!" I said happily. I levitated a book in front of his face and he started reading it.

"'The properties of one physical plane of space and another can be merged using an alternate version of an Abyss spell, creating a means of interdimensional transport.' What does that mean?"

"It means that interdimensional travel is possible!"

"Yeah, we already know that, remember? How else can you explain Pinkie telling us that Phil and the Princess are in another dimension?"

"I mean for regular ponies. Princess Luna is different from other ponies, and Phil... he's pretty strange... so..."

"Alright, I get it, Phil's strange."

EARTH

Achoo!

PONYVILLE

"What are you going to do with this new knowledge?" asked Spike.

"I know about these Abyss spells, but they're astronomically complex. They're used to transport things into their own dimension for easy travel, it was removed from spell books for being much too difficult. I don't think anypony still knows how to use them. The last recorded use was when Starswirl the Bearded used it to transfer supplies to a group of ponies cut off from civilization. I don't even know if Princess Celestia can do it."

"Wow, a spell that the Princess couldn't do. Must be pretty powerful. I bet it takes a lot of energy."

"Actually Spike, the energy consumption is minuscule. It just takes a lot of preparation and knowledge, and it's far more precise than most care for. It can't be copied like Rarity's gem finding spell."

"And you're going to try and learn it, aren't you?"

"Yes, but this is an alternate version, where would I find it? The alternate version was created by Starswirl himself, but he only discovered the original." I said. I looked back in the book and read a little more. "More on the Abyss and the variations of it in 'The Multiverse' by Starswirl the Bearded. How'd I miss that?"

"I know what that means. Back to the Starswirl the Bearded section. I'll get my suit."

"No need, Spike. Walking around Canterlot isn't illegal." I told him. He grumbled and got on my back. "You think that we should tell anypony?"

"We didn't tell anypony last time, remember?"

"Ugh, don't remind me. Alright, let's go."

CANTERLOT

"That took longer than expected." I said.

"That's because you stopped to make sure we were going the right way."

"Well I didn't want to go the wrong way."

"There was only one way!"

We walked to the Canterlot library and saw some guards waiting outside it. They were looking around and seemed official.

"Hello, may we go inside?" I asked.

"Sure thing Twilight! Just be careful, the Princess isn't really happy."

"What happened to her?"

"She won't say. She just keeps muttering, 'Luna is safe but gone.' It's great that Princess Luna is safe, but where did she go is what I want to know."

"She's in the human world, with that Phil guy." said Spike. Then he gasped and covered his mouth.

"She's with Phil?" he asked, shocked.

"Aw crud." I said.

One of the guards started to run off, but fell to the ground, along with the other guard. Their bodies were levitated into the library and Princess Celestia walked out.

"Nopony needs to know about Luna and Phil in the human world." she said. She looked miserable, like she hasn't slept in a few days.

"Princess! Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm good, don't worry. I was just looking for a book."

"Which book?"

"The Multiverse, it's by..."

"Starswirl the Bearded."

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I'm looking for the same thing."

"Really?"

"Yes, another book I was reading said that multidimensional travel was possible. I was looking for that book because it had information on alternate Abyss spells."

She leaned in close to me and had a creepy smile on her face. "Why do you want to use the dimensional travel spell?" she asked, seeming to know the answer already. She started to laugh and said, "Oh Twilight, I can practically hear you blush!"

"W... well... why do you want to use it?"

"I want to see my sister again, of course." she said.

"Well, if we're going to find it, we need to get to work. Spike!"

"Yes Twilight?"

"Help us find the book."

"I already did." he said, holding a book up. "You're worse than Twilight when you need to find a book, you know that, Princess?"

"When did you..."

"You and the Princess were talking longer than you thought."

"Well, good job Spike!"

"Yes, thank you Spike." said Celestia.

"No problem, here you go!" he said, handing me the book.

I used my magic to change it to the page that had the Abyss spells on it and we started to read it together, just like when I was a philly.

"Here it is, Abyssal alternations. It says here that..."

SMART TALK

"Wow, this thing is more complicated than I thought." I said.

I looked at Princess Celestia and she was grumbling, irritated at the spell. "This is much harder than a regular Abyss spell." she said. "Wow."

"Where'd Spike go?"

"I think he said something about Pony Joe's."

"He does like Pony Joe's."

"Wasn't that where we were after the Gala two years ago?"

"I just wanna forget about that night."

Celestia laughed a little and stood up. "I don't, it was the best Gala that I've been to. Let's go get Spike, the spell can wait. It will take us a large amount of time to get it right. Did Starswirl make it complicated on purpose? Probably not, but if so, why?"

"I don't think he would try to make it more complex." I replied.

"You're right, but still, I got this weird feeling about this spell."

"Me too, but still, I'm going to use it, if only to see if I can."

"I agree."

EARTH

My p.o.v.

"You feel that?" I asked Luna.

"Yeah, something strange is going on. Magically strange."

"I saw something when it happened, a place that I actually know the location to."

"Same here. Where is it? What is it, and why did we see it?"

"The place we saw was the Coliseum in Rome. It's not really out of our way, either. We've been flying east-southeast, so we can stop there, I think. I play too much Assassin's Creed to not know where it is. Ha! As for why, I don't know. Must be important though."

SOME UNDEFINED AMOUNT OF TIME LATER, POSSIBLY A DAY OR TWO

PONYVILLE

Twilight p.o.v.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you all together." I said, addressing my friends.

"Well yeah, you came and got us in a hurry and didn't say anything." said Rainbow.

"Yes, darling, why are we here?" asked Rarity.

"You're here because we found a way to bring our friends back from the human world." said Princess Celestia.

"Really?" asked Pinkie happily. "I've been shaking all day! That must have been what it was." Then she shook again. "Guess not."

"Right... Anyways, we're going to cast the spell, stand back a little." I said.

They stepped back and Celestia and I started the spell. It quickly took it's toll on both of our intellects, but we managed to create a paper thin circle of pure white light that shook, then stabilized.

"Here it is, Phil and Princess Luna should be able to step through in a few moments." I said.

The portal grew larger and larger, and I looked at Princess Celestia who was as clueless as I was. Pinkie started to shake, and we were engulfed by the circle, which had turned into a sphere. The sphere was black with a thin white line crossed by a light green line.

"I think we miscalculated." was the last thing that I heard.

EARTH

My p.o.v.

"We're here, but why did we come here?" asked Luna.

"I don't know, but I taste metal and the air is vibrating. I'm all for the metal taste, but air doesn't do that."

"But it feels good." she said.

"Lalala! Not listening! Not listening!" I said, putting my fingers in my ears. "Mmm... Metal."

"What's up with you?" she asked, confused.

"Human stuff. Hey, what was that?" I asked, getting a feeling that something is going to happen.

"I think we should step back." she said.

"I think you're right."

We stepped back and a large sphere of black light with a white and red strip crossing along it. It shook, then stabilized. I walked over to it and examined it. "That is some really good animation." I said.

"Animation? What's that?"

"Nothing."

The sphere split along the lines and disappeared, and the contents were seven very beautiful women. 'Dear diary, jackpot.'

"Hey, wake up!" I said.

They didn't move and I looked at Luna. "Are they going to be ok?" she asked.

"They'll be fine, ponies are resilient. They may need to visit the hospital though. Hey! We need some help over here!" I shouted.

A man ran up to us and examined our friends. "Don't worry, I'm a professional, tell me what happened here?" he asked.

"They just fainted, all of them. I don't know why, but they're safe, I'm fairly certain of that."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't have any reason to lie about health, I think. So, are they gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, they're just sleeping, all of them. This is very odd."

"So they're completely fine?"

"Yeah, they just need to wake up. It's not even coma-like... very, very odd."

"Hey, where's the closest motel around here? They're gonna need a place to sleep for the night."

"What? These women need proper care, at least until their condition is diagnosed."

"It'll be fine..." I said, magically making him agree.

He told me where we could stay and I levitated them into the air, then flew off, leaving him in a dumbfounded state.

We got there and I gave them to Luna and told her to wait outside. Eight people, eight beds, gonna have to get more money tomorrow.

"How much would it be for a total of eight beds?" I asked the man behind the counter.

He started talking and I couldn't understand him. I held up my hand and walked outside. "Hey Luna, I just realized that we're not in Russia anymore. New language and currency."

I looked in my bag and my money was now Italian style. "Magic money. Now, language spell."

LIGHTS AND ALL THAT STUFF

"Alright, what'll it run me to get a total of eight beds?" I asked him.

"Weren't you just in here, speaking English?" he asked.

"Yeah, but that's irrelevant now."

"You look kind of young, are you sure you're old enough to rent a room?"

"Actually, I know that I'm not. I am indeed too young, but it's not like you know that now." I said, casting a spell on him.

We continued on as if I were a normal customer and I got us two rooms that were connected. I looked into the bag and realized that I was running on empty. Back to the bars.

LATER

"More money for little effort! Man, I love this power! I wish that it was natural, then it would be perfect!"

I headed back to Luna and our friends hadn't woken up yet. "I hope that man was correct, and that they just need some sleep."

"He was right."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I just know it."

"That's relieving. Geez, this is gonna look odd."

"What is?"

"Me, traveling around with eight beautiful women. Guys would give me a thumbs up, but girls would be... something. Women will forever be a mystery to men until the end of time."

"Your world is confusing."

"I know, I've lived here all my life."

I checked the time, late. "Let's head for bed."

I hopped onto my bed and Luna walked over to me. "You got your own bed, you know that, right?" I asked.

"Yeah..."

"Alright, c'mere." I said. She smiled and laid down next to me. "Your hair is so soft, and shiny, and cold, and awesome." I said, running my hand through her mane. "It's so soothing."

She smiled and closed her eyes, and I kept running my hand through her hair. "Goodnight Phil."

"Goodnight Luna."

NEXT DAY

"Oooooo..." "Well..." "That was unexpected." "Um..." "They look cute together!"

I opened my eyes and saw all seven of them looking at me and Luna. "How ya doing?" I asked with a smile.

"We're good, why is my sister sleeping with you?" asked Celestia.

"Yeah, tell us!" said Pinkie.

"I would also care to know." said Twilight.

"Alright then, she's my girlfriend."

This shocked them all on different levels. I smiled and sat up. I yawned and got out of the bed. I walked past Rainbow Dash and looked at her back. She still had her wings, that's good. That means that Fluttershy had her wings and Twilight and Rarity had magic. Celestia had both is my assumption. 'Wings are kick-ass.'

"How'd you handle to your human bodies?" I asked.

"My sister taught me how to walk like a human, and I taught them." said Celestia.

"Now that is some good thinking right there."

"Well, we were heading to a place that's thousands of miles away, and we were flying most of the distance. Now I gotta get us an alternate means of transportation. I was not expecting to travel with eight other people, four of which have wings."

"Seems like you were having fun." said Pinkie.

"Still am, even more so now that you're here. You ponies are the life of a party."

"Which party?"

"All of them! It doesn't even need to be a party, you girls make everything better."

"Yeah, and all these people reading this will agree that ponies are ponyrific." said Pinkie.

"Fourth wall structural integrity .08% and dropping, she will get out." I said in monotone.

Everyone looked at me and Pinkie with a mix of confusion and happiness. I shrugged and Luna woke up. She sat up and smiled at us.

"Celestia! How have you been?" she asked happily.

"I've been nice, no major changes. How about you Luna, being in this world?"

"It's been really fun! You should have been there! Phil showed me around this place called Russia, and I got drunk, and we ran from the police, and we..."

"You ran from the police?"

"Yeah, it was exciting."

Celestia turned to me with an angry look in her eyes. "Why were you running from the police?"

"Funny story that... Well first, I wrecked a secret military base. Next we got caught, but we ran again. Lastly, I told them that I would help them, but now they have no idea where I even am right now." Celestia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Maybe we don't share the same sense of humor, but I found it funny."

Those probably weren't the right words, because the next thing I knew, I was magically thrown against the wall. "I probably deserved that."

"Yes you did! Phil, you made things dangerous for the sake of fun. If Luna got hurt, so help me..."

"Hey! I care about her too! I would hate myself if anything happened to her because of me. That goes for all of you. You're my friends, I want to keep you safe, no matter what." I said. Then I smiled and said, "Enough violence for one hour, let's go outside."

"Yeah sis, I'm safe, so don't beat Phil up. Besides, I helped him do it, so..."

"Yeah, just lemme get my get out my little desert eagle." I said, holding up the pistol.

"What's a desert eagle?" asked Applejack.

"Where the hell did this come from?" I asked, throwing the gun into the air and morphing it back into the wall. "What?"

"What?"

"No really, what?"

"Are you ok Phil?"

"Indubitably. Let's go." I said with a laugh.

I walked away and Celestia leaned over to Luna and said, "Is he sane?"

"Maybe."

I walked back and said, "I'm lost. I'm gonna use the window."

I hopped out the window and floated around in the air for a minute. Rainbow Dash hopped out after me and wobbled around in the air. "How ya doing, Dasher?"

"Good, I guess. I haven't been able to fly correctly ever since I got this new body."

"Problematic. You'll learn, eventually. Just as long as you can stay in the air, you'll be fine, probably."

"I guess so, but how can I be the fastest flyer without my wings?"

"Sorry to tell you this, but there are things in this world even faster than me. You will not be the fastest flyer here. Equestria, probably, but not here."

"What?"

"Whale biologist, I calls 'em as I sees 'em."

"Huh?"

"Hey Phil! Down here!" shouted Pinkie.

I closed my wings and dived down a few hundred feet. I landed on my feet and heard a scream. I looked up and saw Dash falling out of the air. Everything got slower and I reached my arms out in front of me. I caught her and time resumed normal playback.

"Alright?" I asked.

I set her back on her feet and she said, "Yeah, thanks man."

"Ok, let's go." I said. I put my hand on the ground and made a red keytar with a long handle. I slung it over my shoulder and started walking.

"Can you play that?" asked Twilight.

"No, but it looks kick-ass. I can't play any instrument here. A better bet would be to hire a wet sock than me. Ha! I crack me up."

"That's a good one!" said Pinkie, laughing.

We walked around and got some food, many people giving us odd looks. They were having fun talking to each other, and I was leaning back on my chair, listening to anything that caught my interest.

Eventually they finished eating and we left. Rarity walked over to me and said, "Phil, how are the clothes in this world?"

"That's a matter of opinion. Personally, I really don't like them. I'll take you to a clothes store if you want, but later."

"Alright, thank you."

I looked at them and noticed what their clothes. Celestia had a dress type gown thing, but for everyday use. Twilight was dressed in school clothes. Fluttershy had a sweater and jeans on. Rainbow had a muscle shirt and basketball shorts. Pinkie had a t-shirt and jean shorts. Rarity had a white shirt and tight pants. Applejack had a red plaid shirt and dirty work pants, along with her awesome hat.

"What are ya'll staring at?" asked Applejack.

"Your hat, it's cool."

"It is a mighty fine hat." she said, taking it off and looking at it.

"Fo' shizzle" I said, moving my arms above my head. "On a possibly related note, what do you girls wanna do today?"

"I wanted to head to a library and learn all that I can about this world." said Twilight.

"I was gonna fix my flying." said Dash.

"Party all day long!"

"Ah'm gonna try and see what kinds of apple products they sell here."

"I'm going to examine human clothes."

"Um... I wanted to know what kind of animals live here, if you don't mind that is." said Fluttershy.

I looked at Celestia and she shrugged. "Hang with your sister or something." I said happily. "Anyways, I gotta get some more money, feeding and housing nine different people gets expensive."

"How ya gonna do that?" asked Applejack.

"I just arm wrestle people in bars all day. Usually gets me a nice return, depending on the cash flow."

"Isn't that dishonest?"

"Maybe, but as long as they agree to it, I'm liability free."

"Ah suppose so."

"I just don't know how I'm gonna do everything." I said.

"Don't worry about that Phil, I can take care of it." said Twilight, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a notebook and pencil. She had some trouble gripping the pencil right, then used her magic to write something down.

She gave the paper to me and I read it. "That'll work. Good job, Twilight!"

We all went our separate ways and I gave most of my money to them so they could get lunch and the like. We all planned to meet back in the room later during the day.

LATER

I was at a bar and was winning some money. Nobody could believe what was happening. A kid was easily beating them at arm wrestling. "How's that?" I asked, winning again.

"This isn't right, it's just a fluke." said the man.

"Fluke or not, I won, now pay up." I said.

"Fine." he grumbled.

The door opened and Applejack and Rainbow Dash walked in, talking to each other. I waved at them and they walked over to me.

"So, you really were hustling these guys." said Rainbow.

"Eeyup."

Applejack sat down in front of me and said, "You and me, let's go."

The guys around me were confused. "Arm wrestle?" I asked.

She nodded and put her arm up. I shrugged and grabbed her hand. A man counted down, and we started, none of us moving an inch.

"Uh kid, it started." he said.

"I know." I said, struggling to get the words out.

Applejack hadn't moved at all, she was even still smiling, and showing no signs of strain. Then she started to move her arm down effortlessly. My hand hit the table and everybody was speechless, even me.

I looked at my arm and said, "Are you sure you're not Big Mac in disguise?"

She laughed and said, "Naw, that's what Ah get for working all my life. If Big Mac was here, your arm might've come off."

"I don't doubt that." I said.

"Me next, me next!" said Dash.

Applejack got up and Dash sat down. She put her arm up and I did the same. I grabbed her hand and and we got ready.

"2, 1, go." he said.

We both put force behind our hands, and her hand started to move down. We both smiled and she started to move back up. My arm started to go down, but I returned us to the starting point.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

"I still don't know how you beat me." I said.

"That was tough." said Rainbow. "My arm's gonna be sore in the morning."

"Yeah. Oh yeah, I forgot to give you something." I said. I pulled out my bag, took out some money, and gave it to them.

"What's this for?"

"Winnings. You won, so you get money."

"That seems fair." said Applejack.

"Money's always good to have."

"You got that right. So, why'd you two head here to a bar?"

"We talked to Princess Luna on our way down here..."

"And she told you about beer?" I finished.

"Yeah, that. We were planning to have some."

"Well don't. Beer isn't good for you. Of course now that you have money, I'm not gonna stop you from using it on whatever you want." I said. 'Tonight is gonna be really funny.'

"Bad for us?" asked Applejack.

"Messes with your organs after large amounts of consumption for a year or two. Doesn't allow you to think straight when you drink too much, but isn't permanent, and the next day, you'll never want to drink it again."

"Why not?" asked Rainbow.

"You'll find out. Anyways, I'm not even legally allowed to drink it, so I don't know exactly what happens."

"So in other words, we can?" asked Applejack.

"Oh come on, just let the gals drink, don't be a sore loser." said one of the men I had beaten.

I shrugged and said, "Go ahead."

They smiled and ordered some beers. Someone walked up to me and said, "How were they both able to beat you? The blond one looked like she didn't even have any problems doing it either!"

"They're both very strong, and Applejack's worked on a farm her entire life. She can kick all the apples off of a tree with one kick."

"Applejack? That's her name?"

"That's right."

"And what's the lesbian's name?"

I grabbed his throat and squeezed, not enough to cut off breathing, but enough to hold on to him. I pulled him in closer and looked him right in the eyes. "If you say that again, I'm going to break every bone in your body." I said angrily.

I let him go and resumed the happy state that I was in a few seconds ago. He coughed and ran out. I looked back at the bar patrons, nobody had seen me, lucky. I also noticed that everyone was looking at Rainbow and Applejack.

LATER

After losing track of time, I walked over to them and said, "How ya doin'?"

Applejack started speaking to me, but I couldn't understand her. "Hey Dash, how many beers did Applejack have?"

"I don't know, a lot?" she said.

"That's probably bad."

"Yeah, I didn't have as much. My head feels funny. You should try one." she said, handing me a half full can.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Do it."

"Nope."

"C'mon, you know you want to."

"No I don't."

"Do it anyway."

"Fine." I said, grabbing it from her. I drank it down and crushed the can in my hands. "I've always hated that taste."

Applejack fell out of her chair and I caught her. "That's enough for you Applejack." I said.

"Yeh." she managed to get out.

"You too, Dash. C'mon, let's go."

"Alright." she said. She got up and nearly fell over. "Whoa."

"You'll be fine, don't worry."

I lifted Applejack with my magic and put her on my back. She giggled a little and drooped her arms over my shoulders.

"Hey, did they pay?" I asked.

"On the house for anybody able to beat you, kid." said the bartender.

"Alright, thanks man."

"Sure thing."

We walked out and Applejack leaned her head against me. I looked back and saw that she had fallen asleep. 'That right there is almost as cute as Fluttershy, but nothing compares to Fluttershy except more Fluttershy.'

I looked forward and saw that a large group of people wearing similar clothes were looking at us. "Yo Dash, step back a bit." I said.

She moved back and one of the people stepped towards me with a bat in his hand. He took a swing at me, hitting my head and making a nice thumping sound.

"Phil!" screamed Rainbow.

'That hurt like hell, why couldn't I get out of the way in time?' I thought.

I looked back at him and kicked his knee in with a sickening crunch. I spun around and kicked his chest with my other leg, sending him flying. My left eye's vision was starting to turn red, and they all ran at me.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

"That was less fun than I thought it would be." I said to Dash.

"Are you ok, you were hit pretty bad there." she asked.

"He didn't hit my eye, and I don't feel excruciating pain, so I'm not broken. Also my head is harder than an average human, even before I got ponified. Yeah, I'm fine. What I want to know is why I couldn't dodge it. I guess that beer has way too much of an effect on me."

"But your eye is covered in blood!" she protested.

"It happens, more often than expected actually, mostly because I didn't expect it to happen. Let's go, Applejack needs a place to sleep, and my back just won't do."

She still looked worried, but I ignored her. I walked back to where the place was, and eventually we got there just as the moon appeared on the horizon.

I walked to the room and nobody was there yet. "If I know Twilight, they'll all be here in 15 minutes." I said.

Rainbow laughed and sat down on a bed. I tried to set Applejack down on a bed, but she wouldn't let go. "Let go, clingy!" I said.

I shook her a bit and she didn't let go. "Sonova... Can I get some help over here?" I asked.

"Sorry, but you're stuck with her until morning." said Rainbow, poorly stifling a laugh.

"Of course I am." I said.

I shrugged and laid down next to Applejack. She giggled and held on tighter. 'She's awake, isn't she?' I thought.

Rainbow was laughing at me. "Man, that was so funny." she said.

"Gee, thanks." I said.

"Mah pleasure." said Applejack.

"You little faker." I said. Then they both started laughing.

The last thing I heard before we all fell asleep was the sound of a doorknob turning.

> Chapter 21
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up and Applejack was still holding on to me. I slowly moved my way out of her arms. I looked around the room, nobody else was awake yet. I thought about what I should do, then I realized that my parents haven't seen me in about a week. "This is going to be so predictable. I call, I try to tell them, they worry too much, I say that I'm not a crazed gunman and that I'm an assassin. Oh wait, I'm not sniper. Time to find a phone."

I looked around the room and found myself a cord phone. I picked it up, dialed my dad, then waited for him to pick up. Nobody answered, it went straight to the answering machine.

"Hey dad, how ya been? Phil here, and if you don't believe me, tacos. You can stop worrying about me, I'm safe. I know that you were worried, and I'm sorry that I didn't call sooner. Worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere. Right now I'm in Rome, Italy, and I'm not going to tell you how. I'm traveling with my friends to get back home, changing locations often and rapidly. See you in a week or three." I put the phone down and shrugged.

"Dagnabbit, Ah always wake up early, but that was when Ah had work to do. Now that there's no work, it's just annoying. Oh, mah head." I heard Applejack say, sitting up.

I walked over to her and said, "So, how far do you remember?"

"Now that you mention it, Ah do have some gaps. Ah remember drinking some beer."

"How much?"

"Ah don't know. A lot, I know that. They had a really good appley kind. Anyways, after that, Ah fell out of my chair, then we left and Ah fell asleep on your back. Then Ah woke up again when I heard a thumping noise, then couldn't fall back asleep."

I lifted my hair and showed her the lump on my head. "This right here is what that thumping noise was. I was hit upside the head with a bat."

She looked at it, speechless. Then she said, "Are you ok?"

"Peachy as Pinkie!" I said happily.

"What about Rainbow Dash? Is she safe?"

"See for yourself." I said, moving to show her.

She gave Rainbow a look, then smiled. "She's fine. That's good." I got her some water and she happily drank it. "How did you know Ah wanted some water?"

"Magic. Anyways, we got a good half-second before someone else wakes up again."

"Why do ya'll say half-second?"

"No reason important. Just wanna make sure that I'm right. For all I know, we got an hour or two."

I turned some matter I found into some apples and tossed her one. "Eat up. Or not, who cares."

"Are you sure this is safe to eat?"

"No, lemme try mine first." I said, biting down on the apple. "Yeah, that's some good apple right there."

We ate the apples, then got bored. "So, what do you wanna do today?" asked Applejack.

"Whatever my friends want to do, and if there's nothing to do, we resume traveling. I have one small problem though, and it's a big one."

"What is it?"

"I'll tell everyone when they all wake up, no use in telling it twice."

"Alright then."

I got up and opened the window, then hopped outside. I walked around for a few minutes, then climbed up a building.

MANY FREE RUNNING FILLED MINUTES LATER

I got back to the room, and everyone was awake. "How you doin'?" I asked.

"My head hurts." said Rainbow.

"That's what happens when you drink. Alright, anybody have any plans?"

"Actually, I have a question." said Luna.

"Ok, shoot."

"Why were you sleeping with Applejack last night?"

"He did what?" asked Applejack angrily.

"She didn't let go of my neck when I brought her here." I said. Then I thought about it, and started laughing. "Man, she was just like you were, Luna."

"She was drunk?"

"Yeah. I warned ya that you wouldn't think straight, but you didn't listen." I said to Applejack.

"Shut up." she said.

"Y'no, beer makes you act on feelings that you don't act on sober." I said, laughing.

"Ah said shut up!" she yelled, punching my forehead.

I was thrown back a few feet and laid on the ground, holding my head. "God damn it! That fuckin' hurt. Ah... Damn it!"

Everyone looked at Applejack and she looked down. "But Ah didn't even hit you that hard."

"I know, but guess what? You hit me right where it hurts. Right where I was hit yesterday. Ah, that hurts like hell! Eh, don't worry about it."

I kept rubbing my head and I got up. "At least I showed that son of a bitch that I'm not to be messed with. I kicked his knee so hard it broke. He's not gonna forget me anytime soon." I said with an evil smile.

I smiled normally and said, "Got a bit off topic there. So, what do you eight wanna do?"

"Ah wanted to hear what the problem was."

"Fair enough. We gotta get across maybe 3000 miles worth of water, and I've been thinking about how we're gonna get there. We could either use an airplane or a boat, and all I know is that the plane's gonna get us there faster."

"I like faster." said Dash.

"What's an airplane?" asked Twilight.

I pulled a model passenger jet out of the floor and showed it to them. "Like this, but a few hundred feet long. Goes like 500mph. Be in America in about 6 hours if we leave from the coast."

"But if the airplane can do that, why mention a boat?" asked Celestia.

"Because, I could get us on a huge cruise ship with fun stuff."

"Fun stuff?" asked Luna.

"And quite a lot of it. But it takes longer. Not incredibly significantly, but longer."

"I think we all wanna go by sea." said Rainbow.

"That's that, then." I returned the model and stood back up. "This is gonna involve a lot of criminal activity."

"What?"

"Why would that be?"

"Lotta legal stuff involved with leavin' a country. Passports, drivers license, certification, and then the tickets, which won't be that much of a problem. Oh well, pay off the right people, and you'll be safe. And by pay off, I mean hypnotize, with magic."

"Sounds like you got it all figured out." said Twilight.

"Maybe, but there's still something bugging me."

"Yeah, me too." said Pinkie.

"Aw damn it, I know why I'm bugged." I said unhappily.

"And why would that be?" asked Rarity.

"Rarity! Just the person to help me with this problem." I said.

"Me? Why me?"

I tossed her my bag of money and said, "I'm gonna need you to help everyone buy clothes."

"Clothes again?" asked Luna unhappily. "Well, you can never have too many socks."

"You already have clothes. I'm talking about everyone else. Then again you like socks, so go ahead."

"Yay socks!"

"Ugh, I hate socks. Once Princess Luna started the sock craze, I was making socks non-stop for days at a time." said Rarity.

"I remember that, like when Fluttershy was going to ask you to make some socks, but ended up leaving with a hat."

Fluttershy laughed nervously.

"Speaking of which, how have you been, Fluttershy?" I asked.

"I've been... good."

"That's great." I said, smiling. "So anyways everybody, to the store. After breakfast of course."

"Didn't you already eat?"

"If eating food counts as eating, than yes. Guess I won't eat then."

We all left for some food. I was still getting some odd looks from some citizens, but none of them were violent. We got some breakfast, then headed to the store. 'I really hope Rarity won't need my help here. I don't need another embarrassing time like with Luna. Then again, if I ignore the embarrassing part, my wings'd shoot out like a rocket, then it'll be weird, really, really weird. Lucky so far, but...'

On the way there, I got insanely bored, and flew around next to them, gaining even more awestruck looks from others. Some pulled out their phones and recorded me. Dash jumped after me, and she chased me through the air. She caught up with me faster than I thought she would. I put on more speed, then turned around.

Dash flew right past me a split-second later. "You really got some speed there." I said.

"I've been practicing."

"It shows." I said.

I pulled in my wings and dived down towards the ground, Rainbow waiting in the air for a moment. I picked up a lot of speed and landed on the ground, creating a small crater. I heard a scream and put my arms in front of me.

Rainbow landed right in my arms and said, "Sorry about that, again."

"You really gotta work on staying in the air. That was pathetically short."

"But it's hard to do that in this new body!"

I put my hand on her head and said, "Now it's not." I transferred what she needed to know to her, and she flew back into the air.

"Kick-ass Rainbow!" I shouted up to her.

She flew around for a few seconds, and landed next to us. I smiled at her and she said, "Thanks man."

"Not a problem."

We got to the store and Rarity took control of the whole operation. Being the clothes genius that she is, it went by fairly quickly. I told her to help them get swimming stuff, because one way or another, I planned on taking them swimming.

I got two more bags for the things, and I paid for our merchandise. I got some jealous looks from some guys around me, and I just kept smiling.

"Phil, why are they looking at us like that?"

"They're jealous of me."

"Why?"

"That I cannot say, let's leave it at that."

I threw everything in the bags and Rarity told me to be careful. We left and returned to the room for a minute, taking care of anything that we may have had to take care of, and started to head east.

We were barely out of town and it had taken us a longer than expected to do so. "Well, this isn't gonna work." I said.

"Why not?"

"We're going way too slow."

"I know, it's irritating." said Dash.

I started thinking and said, "Maybe there's an Italy-America ship. Hold on for a minute, wait right here. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I put the bags on the ground and zoomed off at high speeds. I for something that could help me, like a travel agency. I found one with my magic and headed inside. I had to wait in line, but got bored and magically made everyone leave for their own little reasons. I moved to talk with the person at the counter, and was almost instantly stopped because I was too young or something, whatever, didn't matter.

I magiced my way through the conversation and managed to get us a cruise that was leaving today for a "discounted" price. I grabbed the tickets and flew back to my friends.

"What took ya?" asked Dash when I got back.

"Had to use a lot of spells in there. Was still boring. Anyways, we gotta get going. Hey, Twilight?"

"Yeah?"

"C'mere."

She walked over to me and I told her to teleport us to where we needed to be. "Think you can get us all there?" I asked.

"Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem." she said. "Alright everyone, hold hands."

I nodded and we all grabbed each other's hands, making a small circle. I grabbed the bags and Twilight teleported us to the docking area, scaring everybody close to us.

I ran to the nearby sea and tossed my lunch. I was surrounded by people willing to help me, but I ignored them all. After I was finished, I wiped my mouth and tossed the magic made napkin away. I shook my head and my friends ran over to me, asking if I was alright.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, don't worry. Guess I don't handle well to teleportation. Damn it! Now I'm gonna be hungry in a few minutes." I said. Then I started laughing. "The first thing I think of after tossing my lunch is that I'm gonna be hungry again."

Pinkie giggled a little and said, "That wouldn't be my first thought, I know that."

"Let's go." I said.

I walked to the man who seemed to be an official for the ship and he attempted to turn us away, but I magiced again, making him allow us on without question. Nobody paid any attention to us and we boarded. I followed the correct procedure, with magic of course, and we went to our given rooms.

"This place looks fun already!" said Pinkie.

"Yeah, I've never been on a ship before, but I've heard that they're great. Also that tacos."

"Speaking of which, what's a taco?" asked Twilight.

"Er... Food."

"Is it good?"

"Um... No, it's disgusting." I lied.

"Well why do you say it all the time?"

"Because tacos."

"What do they..."

"Alright, that makes sense, it was actually a rather good explanation. Well made." said Pinkie, smiling.

"Y'see, Pinkie got it."

She looked at us with a face of utter confusion, then gave up. I laughed and walked into the room. I dumped my stuff in a corner and took out my swimming stuff. I went into the bathroom, changed, and walked right back out.

"What's with the sudden change of clothes?" asked Rarity.

"There's a pool on top, and I'm gonna go swimming. Also I'm gonna swim in the ocean, jump right off the ship, maybe. Anyway, who's coming?" I asked.

Just about everyone said that the would, everyone except Fluttershy. I looked at her and said, "You really should go, Fluttershy."

"Um... I don't know. What if something happens?"

"That's what I'm here for." I said happily. "Nothing's gonna happen to you. I'll make sure of it. Just have a good time."

She smiled and said, "I guess I will go then."

"That's the spirit." I said. "If you girls wanna swim, you gotta get your swimming... stuff on. Stuff for lack of a better word. They're not exactly clothes, and gear implies something like goggles."

"Why do we need them on?"

"Well for one, you don't want to get your clothes wet. Another, you're not allowed to swim without clothes."

"Why not."

"Just no, don't even try it. I mean that. No. You can put them on under your everyday clothes, or not, your call. Wait a minute, half of us got wings. That's gonna be a sight to see."

"Why's that?"

"Humans do not have wings, nobody does. Eh, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyways, back to before. Wanna swim, change."

Luna started to take off her shirt, then I ran outside the room and close the door. "." I said to myself.

"What was that all about?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, he's embarrassed." said Pinkie.

"Shut up, Pinkie!" I said through the door. She laughed loudly, then fell on the floor, and laughed harder.

Eventually, they walked out of the room. Twilight and Celestia were clothed. Rainbow and Applejack didn't have their shirt and Rarity and Fluttershy were lacking their pants. Pinkie and Luna were just wearing their swimsuits.

"That's the word I was looking for!" I said suddenly. "Swim suit. That was it."

I went in the room and grabbed my bag o' money, then stuck it in my pocket. Pinkie laughed a little. "Well, let's go." I said.

We got to the pool area, eventually, and Pinkie disappeared, but I expected that. We all agreed to meet up again later, then split off. Fluttershy remained near me, and I said, "C'mon, let's go have some fun, what do ya say?" She smiled, and we walked over to the pool. "Would you care for a swim, m'lady?" I asked, bowing like a servant.

"Oh... I don't know."

"You're already here, and you already have your swim suit on, maybe. Unless you don't, then you wouldn't. If not, then don't. But you do, so you should."

"Wait, what?"

"That's the spirit!"

"Um..."

I laughed a little, put my stuff on a nearby table, then hopped into the pool. I waved Fluttershy in, and told her that she had to take off her shirt first.

She did so, and stepped into the pool. "There ya go, Fluttershy!" I said.

She smiled, and walked over to me. "Thanks Phil."

"Anything for Fluttershy."

"Anything for Fluttershy?"

"Yeah, feel free to keep that in mind. Anything for Fluttershy, anytime, anywhere."

"You got that right my fellow brony." said another person, patting me on my shoulder. "Anything for Fluttershy."

"Alright."

"Yo kid, what' goin' on?"

I opened my wings and hopped in the air, hovering just above the water. I leaned down and said, "Ponies."

He looked at me with wide eyes, then shook his head and said, "Cool."

I flipped around until I was behind Fluttershy, upside down, and said, "What we got righ' hrr is a Fluttershy. She's even got wings." I touched her wing and moved it so he could see it.

The guy looked at us both like he might be high, but doesn't even know it himself. "Well..."

"Phil! You started the party without me!" said Rainbow, who was next to me in the air.

"Did someone say party?" asked Pinkie, appearing right next to us.

"Well alright, see ya later." he said, walking away. Pinkie laughed at him.

"I may have." I said to Dash. "Go nuts, you're on vacation!"

I re-entered the water and stuck my head out. I used my wings to propel me through the water. "Hey Fluttershy, what do you wanna do?"

"Well... I don't know."

"Than it seems that we have reached an obstacle. Relax in the pool then." I said. "Or better yet, relax over there, in the hot tub. Bet Rarity's in there."

Pinkie looked at me like she was bored and I said, "Hey Pinkie, these are the kind of people that want to par-tay! I'll let you figure out the rest."

She immediately smiled and shot away. "Yo Dash, how 'bout a race?" I asked her.

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

I moved to the side of the boat, then jumped off, causing people to run to the side and try to help me. I soared into the air and Dash joined me. "First around the boat wins." I said.

"3... 2-1!" she shouted, dashing ahead. (ha, dash pun.)

I sped up next to her and we raced around the ship. We finished in a dead tie, not even Pinkie could call it. We were applauded by the others on board, most likely thinking it was planned.

I looked around and saw that my friends were having a blast. "Drop the Finn bomb!" I said. I stopped flying and dropped to the pool. When I was about an inch above the water near Fluttershy, I stopped myself and made a splash sound. I slid into the water and swam around for a while.

Eventually, I got bored and got out, a few seconds after Fluttershy. I headed over to the hot tub to relax, as I had mentioned earlier. I saw that Rarity was indeed relaxing in it. "I could either prank her, or do something nice for her." I said to myself, thinking of a way to do each.

I flipped a coin, and it told me to do something nice. I walked over to her, sat down and started rubbing her shoulders. She quickly looked back, surprised, then smiled. She settled back down and said, "I didn't know that you were a masseur."

"I'm not, I just know how." I said.

"That's a bit odd."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Isn't a bad talent to have if you wanna impress."

"But you already have a girlfriend, Luna." she said, moving away a little.

My wings started to move on their own, and I cursed them for the first time since I got them. At least no pony folk see me, I hope.

"Er.. That might've came out wrong. You know what I mean, right?"

She laughed and said, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

I heard some laughing from behind me, then I looked back and saw Dash. "Hey Rarity, look out..."

I dived at her and tackled her to the ground. I wrestled with her for a few seconds, then managed to cover her mouth. "Tell anybody, and I'll cut ya." I said.

She laughed, and Rarity turned to look at us. "What did I miss? Why are you on top of Rainbow Dash?"

I got off of Rainbow and she kept on laughing. "Alright, I won't say. You just gotta do something for me."

"Don't have me kill anyone, and I'll do it, probably."

"I want you to walk over to Fluttershy, and give her a big kiss."

"You're trying to piss me off, aren't you?" She started laughing again. "Well it's working!"

"Do it, or I'll tell Rarity." I looked back at Rarity, who was relaxing again. Then I thought of a way around this. "Yes or no?"

I had an evil smile when I found out what to do. I looked into her eyes, and she blushed. "Oh Rainbow Dash, are you sure you want me to kiss... Fluttershy?" I said.

"Uh... What do you mean by that?" she asked nervously.

"I don't think that you want me to kiss her, I think that you want me to kiss... you."

"What are you talking about?"

I took a step closer to her, and lightly grabbed her hand. I leaned in closer to her, stroked her hair, and whispered in her ear, "Dashie..."

POMF

I started to laugh uncontrollably. "Fuck I'm smooth."

She looked confused, then angry. "That wasn't funny!" she yelled.

"Seems pretty funny to me."

"Shut up!"

"Oh lighten up, Dasher. It was just a prank."

She thought about it, then said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

She flew off and quickly disappeared from view. "That was too close for comfort. Maybe that wasn't the best of ideas, but it was ok."

I looked up and noticed that the sun was darting around the sky. "Did Luna get Celestia drunk?" I asked. "Every fuckin' day I gotta put up with this. Damn reposts are getting out of hand."

I flew into the air and headed to where Princess Celestia was. She was a bit drunk. An empty high-proof bottle with a hole in the bottom was next to her on a table. It seemed to have been melted. Everybody around her was looking at her like she was a monster.

I flew down and Luna ran over to me, smiling. "My sister can really hold, or at least that's what they said."

"Did she open that hole in that bottle over there?" I asked.

"Yeah, she did it while she was drinking it, then she chugged it all down."

"Well..."

I walked over to her and she looked at me. She laughed and kept moving her hand around, making the sun move as well. "Hey man, how've you been?"

"Ok, I guess. Listen, you gotta put the sun back."

"Why do I gotta do that?"

"Because if the sun is thrown off, you could kill all humans."

"Fine." she said, unhappily.

She returned it to the original position, then turned to me. "How much did you drink?" I asked.

She grabbed two bottles from the ground, also with holes in them, and put them on the table. "These three."

"You shotgunned 3 100-proof liters?"

"In three minutes!" she said, as if it were an accomplishment.

"And you're not dead yet. That's quite a feat."

"It's been a while since I last felt like this, but I'm hardly buzzed. Maybe I should have more."

I backed away slowly, and said to Luna, "Don't let her kill herself, or anybody else for that matter."

"Is this dangerous?"

"Not for her, she can handle too much alcohol for her own good. When she hits the limit, she's gonna act really weird. That's when you should stop her."

"I'll try."

"What d'ya mean, 'there's no more?'" shouted Princess Celestia.

I laughed, and said, "Never mind. There isn't enough beer in the world to get her drunk. Well, maybe The One Beer."

"What's that?"

"Once there was a man who's tolerance was so high, normal beer didn't affect him. He made The One Beer in hopes of getting drunk, but it was stolen by a hobo. If a normal human even takes a sip, they'll black out and wake up on a roof near the park four hours later. Through a long process that spanned about two weeks, the hobo was forced to drink it all and dispose of the can near a volcano. I think it was Mt. Can or something like that."

"That was an odd story."

"That's what happens when hobos have wars. Anyways, did you coax her into drinking?"

"No, she did that on her own."

Celestia walked over to us, grumbling about the lack of alcohol. "So Princess, what are you gonna do now?" I asked.

"Maybe I'll take another swim."

"Maybe. I'm out." I said. "I got things to do, at a place. Well, Four things. Well four things, and a lizard."

"A lizard?"

"Maybe, anyways, see ya later."

I headed over to where Fluttershy had been, and she was surrounded by a moderate sized group. I flew next to it and pushed my way through.

"Phil!" said Fluttershy.

"Hey, Fluttershy."

"Remember when you said anything for me?"

"What do ya need?"

"I want these people away from me, if you don't mind that is."

I moved right next to Fluttershy and faced the crowd. "Alright, nothing to see here, return to your everyday business." I said, attempting to shoo them away.

"We wanna see her wings!" somebody said.

"You wanna see wings? I'll show ya wings!"

I opened my wings and sent them all a few feet away with a gust of air. "Hey Fluttershy, let's go."

"Ok."

We started to walk away, then I saw Rarity walking around. I walked over to her, bowed, and said, "Bonjour, mademoiselle, would you care to join us?"

"Where are you going?"

"Just heading back. So how 'bout it?" I asked.

"Alright, I was getting a bit pruney anyways."

I got them some towels, then we walked back together. We got to where we were staying just as it was getting dark.

"Phil, what was Rainbow Dash laughing about?" asked Rarity.

"Nothing important."

"But when I looked back, you had tackled her to the ground."

"Nothing... significant?" I said.

"But..."

I held up my hand and said, "Nope."

She walked over to Fluttershy and whispered something to her. Fluttershy took a step and said, "Phil, why was Rainbow Dash laughing?"

All the smile that I had on my face disappeared. "Damn it, Rarity. Alright fine. Truth is..." I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. "I got a wingboner when I was giving you a massage, and Dash saw me."

They both looked at me, shocked. "I can see why you were reluctant to tell me." said Rarity, looking away.

POMF

We both looked at Fluttershy, and Rarity giggled a little.

"Well Phil, if that was why Rainbow Dash was laughing, why did she yell at you?" asked Rarity.

I ran to the door, opened it, and ran away. No way am I answering that question.

I tripped over a string and fell face first into a cream pie. I got up and realized that I had started a prank war. I heard giggling, then Pinkie came out from nowhere, said, "Think fast!" Then she pelted me in the face with another pie.

"Forgot about her. Get back here you pink pony-human!" I said.

She ran off and I ran after her, unable to catch up no matter how close I got. It must've been her Pinkie sense. I made a pie out of pie, pie flavored, then teleported myself right in front of her.

She ran right into the pie, face first. I teleported away as fast as I could, then threw up overboard. "That was not a good idea. What was I thinking? I can't teleport!" I said.

She appeared right next to me and asked, "What flavor was that?"

"Pie flavor."

A guitar note was heard, and I looked for the source. With none to be had, I turned back, only to get pied again, this time by Rainbow Dash. She smashed the pie in my face and threw me overboard. I hovered in the air, wiped my face, then chucked a pie at each of them. I missed Rainbow, and Pinkie swallowed it whole.

This battle of pies went of for a very long time, and with pie being non-lethal, to most, and a never ending supply of them, the only thing that managed to stop our battle was tiredness. Eventually, after three hours of terrorizing the boat with pies, we had thrown our last pie.

"Truce?" I asked.

"Truce." they both said.

We were all covered from head to toe in pie. Pinkie stepped out of the pie on her and it kept it's shape, like a shell, then ate the pie-shell.

"Hey Pinkie, you still got some in your hair." I said.

"Looks like I'm bathing tonight." she said.

"Same here." I said.

"Yeah, me too."

"Ooo! maybe we can all bathe together!" said Pinkie happily.

POMF

"No, not happening." me and Dash said together.

Pinkie laughed and pointed at both of us. "You both got..."

We both pied her and both said, "We know what we have."

She just kept laughing. "Alright, Pinkie, let's head back." I said.

"Yeah, I haven't been this tired since I took care of the cake twins."

"Ha. I remember that. It was made even more funny due to the fact that you looked like Mr. Gumby. DOCTOR! MY BRAIN HURTS!"

"Brains can't feel pain. Silly." said Pinkie.

"True dat."

We headed back to the room. Our friends were there, and Rarity was washing herself. Looks like it's time to play the waiting game. I jumped into the ocean and got rid of what came off. I came back with four rolls of duct tape, acquired through magical means. I unrolled them, and made a square out of duct tape.

"Was there any ulterior motive for doing that?"

"None whatsoever." I said, making it disappear.

I made another roll appear, then set it down, because duct tape is always useful to have. "You, you're the ring leadah. Get in the fridge." I said to nobody in particular.

"I wanna get in the fridge too." said Pinkie.

"Are you two feeling alright?"

"Peachy as Pinkie."

"Peachy as Phil."

"That's paradoxical right there. It's like following someone who's following you." I said.

"Quite right."

"There can be only one explanation..."

"Fairy Godparents!" I shouted.

The water in the bathroom stopped running, and Rarity stepped out, clothed in pajamas.

"And on this day in history, the bathroom was made useful." I said.

"Oh c'mon, I wasn't in there for that long." said Rarity.

I tapped my wrist as if I had a watch and said, "Oh dear, look at the time."

"Rainbow Dash, what are you covered in?" asked Rarity, horrified.

"Pie, and lots of it."

"I hope it doesn't stain."

"Your turn, Rainbow." said Pinkie.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." she said. She headed in, took a quick shower, and came back out, wrapped in a towel.

Pinkie was next, than me.

We all started to fall asleep, and I thought about the day. I decided to sleep with one eye open. Since it wasn't possible, I was forced to sleep with the danger of pies.


> Chapter 22
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up, and ate some food. I wasn't the first up, Celestia wasn't in her bed either. I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and saw the Princess, wearing her swimming suit. She was turned away, and I caught myself staring at her... plot.

She must've noticed, because she said, "What are you staring at?"

"Um... I was looking for your cutie mark." I lied. It was a fairly logical excuse, but I can't lie.

"My cutie mark? Would you like a closer look?" she asked. She turned to me, and gave me a smile, albeit with a hint of evil.

I teleported away, hurled overboard, then ran off. "Gonna have to eat again." I said. "Still didn't see her cutie mark, but it was too close for comfort."

I slowed down and thought. "What about mine? Did I ever even get one? Probably something that signifies relaxing, or fun-loving, or maybe even adventures."

I stopped, and realized that I was lost. I forgot to give my teleport a destination, and couldn't see any signs of where I was relative to where I've been. I walked for a few more seconds, then a white flash appeared in front of me. It cleared, and none other than Celestia was standing in front of me.

I wasn't about to teleport again. I hated what it did to me. Emergencies only. I ran off, but Celestia appeared ahead of me wherever I went. She still had that creepy smile on her face, and I had this strange feeling in my gut that she wasn't gonna stop until she caught me.

"Damn, being over 1000 years old really helps your patience." I said after a half hour.

She was still following me. I decided that it was an emergency. I teleported three times to varying locations, and ended it in our room. My stomach felt like it was burning, and after I finished tossing my lunch out the window, I saw Princess Celestia, right next to me.

I looked at her and said, "Yes?"

She laughed for a few seconds then said, "I haven't pursued anybody like that in years. Ever since I was known as Princess Molestia. Oh wait, I still am!"

"Well... Not gonna get that out of my head anytime soon. So, what do you want?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. I just needed some training. Not doing something for years at a time doesn't help when you wanna use your skills."

I backed away slowly and said, "Try not to use them in the human world."

"Yeah, I'll try."

"Das good. Well, pip pip cheerio and do the jig and all."

I headed away, and eventually ended up at the front of the ship. I hung over the side and didn't move for a good fourteen minutes. I got bored, then decided to sneak around the ship like a saboteur.

I put on a ski mask, then put a hood over that ski mask, then wrapped a towel around it so I could boldly announce to the world that I was inconspicuous. I changed into a black business suit, and started to creep around. I looked around corners before turning them, and hid as best I could when someone came close to finding me.

Soon enough, I was confronted by a group of staff. I ran off and they pursued me. I got to the back, turned around, and said, "Well men, it's been fun. Remember to always eat your carrots and to hug at least nineteen cats by days end."

I dived off the ship and shed the clothes I had just put on. I swam around next to the ship, and crawled in a window. Lo and behold, it wasn't mine. I quickly ran out before I was noticed.

"Let's do that just one more time." I said happily.

I dressed in clothes very unlike my own, and I started craving a first class meal. I walked to the kitchen, and tried to open it. Locked.

I looked around, nobody. I picked the lock with a primitive lockpick with a magical boost.

I walked inside, and was confronted by three people. They didn't move, nothing. No reaction at all. I started to walk past them, but they kept staring at me. It was kinda creepy.

I ignored them and got myself a ham sammich with good ham. Not exactly a first class meal, but a pretty good sammich all the same. They kept staring at me.

"Hello, Phil." they said.

"You the group against me?" I asked. One rolled up his sleeve and showed me a scar around his arm. A perfectly straight scar. "How did Albitr feel?"

He glared at me angrily and rolled down his sleeve.

"Listen, I don't have time for this. Well, actually I do, but I don't wanna speak to you. If you don't leave this world right now, I'm gonna throw you overboard." They all frowned, then teleported away. "Now why would they listen to me?"

I thought about it for a few more minutes, then left. "I really hope nobody gets poisoned. That Luna incident helped nobody. Except maybe them. Oh well, I'll fix it eventually. Unless there's nothing to fix. Then I wouldn't. But if there is, I would. Since now there isn't, I won't."

I walked around, picking locked doors just because I could. 'I could see why I wasn't given something important to do with my life, too irresponsible. Then again, I got my little pony friends to take care of. I must be doing something right, because I have yet to be shunned.' thought.

I had opened enough doors to draw attention to myself. They surrounded me and asked who I was.

'Fake name, fake name.' "My name's uh... Jerry. Jerry Newman."

I ran off before they could catch me, and stopped at the edge of the ship. "Remember this situation? Eat your carrots and all that dribble? Well, eat your carrots."

I hopped off again, and hovered out of sight. "What do we do now? That's the second time today we've failed to apprehend this man." one said.

"Maybe we should eat our carrots." replied another.

"We're dealing with either a group of people, or a very clever man."

I went back to the room, and everybody but Rainbow was up. It was prank time. I thought about it, and decided on the whipped cream in the face. Pinkie was watching me carefully.

I sprayed it in her hand, tickled her nose, and she creamed herself. Everybody started to laugh. "How ya doin'?" I asked.

She wiped it off of her face, then got me back. We kept laughing. "What a way to wake a girl up." she said.

I stood on the ceiling and said, "Up."

I walked out the window and stood on the wall. I heard some birds, so I looked for them. There were definitely seagulls next to the boat. We weren't anywhere near land, so where did they come from? I stepped down and said, "Twilight, c'mere. I might need your help here."

She walked out and said, "What's up?"

"Look, seagulls."

"What about them?"

"They shouldn't be here."

"You're right! We're nowhere near land, so why are they here?"

"I don't know."

I stared at them for a few more seconds, then said, "Let's get a closer look."

"But how?"

I pointed to my back and said, "Oh, I don't know, maybe with wings?"

"Oh, right."

She got onto my back, held on tight, and I flew us up to the group of birds. They didn't even flinch. I stopped moving and we examined them.

"What's with these things?" asked Twilight.

"They didn't even move out of position when we flew up here. Birds freak out. That's not just a statement, it's a theory."

I waved my hand in front of them, and they ignored me. "Why are they here? Why are they ignoring us? We need an expert."

"I agree. Lets see if Fluttershy can help."

I flew back down and set the purple pony human back on the ground. We walked over to Fluttershy and I said, "Hey Fluttershy, we got a problem with some birds outside, can you help us?"

"But there shouldn't be any birds outside, we're too far out." she said.

"That's one of the problems. The other problem is that they ignored us. They didn't react to anything. They just kept flying. It's creeping me out."

"I'll see what I can do."

We flew back up to the birds, and Fluttershy was just as confused as us. She tried to get them to notice us, she tried to move them a little, she even tried to stop them. They just kept flying alongside the ship, at the same speed as before.

"Well, that means that they're unnatural." I said. I tapped one and it felt real. "They're real birds, but they aren't registering our presence. It might be us, but humans saw me, and quickly tried to apprehend me due to unimportant reasons. Anything, Fluttershy?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what's wrong with them."

"Perplexing."

I went back down to the top of the ship. Fluttershy followed after me. I set Twilight down and we started to think.

I shrugged and looked around. I saw more and more gulls. I stared at them for a few minutes, then they disappeared, all of them, at the same time. "Where did they go? They all disappeared. That defies the laws of... something, I'm sure. Then again, so do I, you, and all of our friends."

I looked at the sky for a minute more, then said, "Nothing we can do now. Let's go get pancakes."

"Shouldn't we find out where they went?" asked Fluttershy.

"They went home, don't worry."

"How do you know that?" asked Twilight.

"I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I'm kinda magic. That, coupled with my imagination and knowledge, allowed me to create my own long-range version of a life detection spell. No gulls for hundreds of miles."

"Your own version?"

"Yeah. The original was perfect, but only for close range. You can see exactly where and what something is with that. Maximize the power output, and you only get like two miles. Mine goes a maximum of 700 miles, but only gives a small gist of where something is, and not anything about what it is. Nothing in the air until land. You like it?"

"That's genius! Was that the first spell you created?"

"Actually, no. There's two more. One is a form change spell. The other is a bit of a secret. Rather not say."

"C'mon, tell me. What does it do?"

"Lets just say that if I used it, everything would fix itself."

"Well why don't you use it now?"

I looked her in the eyes and said, "This spell is a last resort. The last resort. The last thing that I would ever want to do is use the spell. Not even if Fluttershy asked me. That is the one request that I would refuse her. Now, about those pancakes."

"Fluttershy, why did he say that?" she asked her.

"He says anything for me, but I never found out why."

"Because you're cute. That's why. You are literally the cutest thing that has ever crossed my eyes. Wow, never thought that I'd say that to anybody."

"Because I'm cute?"

"Cuter than a sleeping kitten, and they're pretty cute. Also they're huggable. And as an added impossibility, you're even cuter as a pony."

"That's very... very... Thank you." she said, attempting to hide her face behind her hair.

Fluttershy was cute. It wasn't just an opinion, it was a fact of life. I walked forward and moved her hair away from her face. I smiled and said, "Let's go get some pancakes."

We walked to the place with pancakes, ate them, and walked back to the room. Everybody was having fun playing some games. At the current time, they were playing truth or dare, a game that I would never play, unless Fluttershy told me to. Dash would probably have me embarrass myself, multiple times.

I sat down, away from them, and thought. I don't know about what, but a few minutes later, I realized that I was bored.

I looked at my friends, still playing. I walked away and looked outside. 'What will I do when we arrive? What will be the first plan of action? I can't just walk around with this lot like I'm Gary Mother Fucking Oak. Eh, I'll figure it out eventually. Got at least a week, or two.' I thought.

"Hey Phil! Why don't you play with us?" asked Rainbow.

"Last time I played that game, I got arrested."

"Why's that?"

"A dare got out of hand, and I was one of the last they caught. They got us all, but one guy was already covered in butter, and they had trouble holding on to him."

"Covered in butter?"

"Eeyup."

"Why was he covered in butter?"

"Because he was dared to. And that was the story of how my home town got $53,000 worth of damage in one hour. Course, nobody could prove it was us, and they were forced to release us."

"Wow, you lived a funny life."

"That was just a story. Granted, it was funny, but it was just a story."

"So, that's a no?"

"Quite right. I'd rather be bored. Now, I have something to do. I will see you later."

I walked out the door and walked around, aimlessly. I looked behind me and saw that Princess Luna was following me. I smiled at her and let her catch up.

"How have you been for the past few days?" I asked happily.

"I've been great! My sister and our friends are here on Earth!"

"I think that I might've noticed that. How was yesterday? Fun?"

"Very. And how about you? How was your day?"

"Better than most, I can tell you that. There was just these odd birds. They didn't react to anything. Not even Fluttershy and her animal... skills. I think that's the right word. Then they just disappeared. Every one of them. All at the same time. Doesn't matter, let's go get some food."

"It's a date then."

"Might as well be." I said.

I held my hand out and she grabbed it. We walked together in silence for a while. Eventually, we reached the food area, which was uncharacteristically empty, and she ate some food.

"Aren't you going to eat?" she asked.

"Already did, three times actually. Once in the morning, but I threw that back up, unfortunately. I ate a sammich later, and most recently I had some pancakes."

"You threw up again? So you teleported?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you do that knowing what the consequences were?"

"I had to make a quick getaway."

"From what? What would be so important that you would do that?"

"Your sister. She chased me for a solid half hour before I gave up. She's a pretty speedy pony. Much faster here than in Equestria I would assume. Maybe you ponies got a power boost."

"She did what?" she yelled.

"Calm down. She told me that she didn't have any plans to... er, just plans."

"I may have to have a little talk with her." she said.

"I'd like to see that happen. Then again, maybe I wouldn't. Seems more personal than public. I rarely get myself involved in personal matters, if I can help it. If I am nearby, I may be included and be forced to choose a side. Choosing sides sucks, mostly when both parties want you to choose them."

"That's an odd way of thinking."

"That's my way of thinking. Others too, I guess, but they're irrelevant."

I shrugged and stood up. I looked around and saw a man in a black cloak walking towards us. I remained where I was and said, "Luna, prepare yourself, we may have a problem."

She looked at the man, and nodded, then stood up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not here to cause any trouble!" he said.

"Then what are you here to do?" I asked him.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"See how we were doing?"

"See how you were doing, you specifically."

"But why me?"

"Because you're a human that went to Equestria."

"And you know this because..."

"Magic."

He disappeared and I was unable to locate him at this point. I shrugged and said, "Oh well."

"Who was that man?"

"Somebody I'm sure. Let's go see how much force is required to rip a cruise ship down the center."

"Do what?"

"I said, and I quote, tacos. How 'bout we go back, or not. I am. I may or may not have something to do depending on my ability to find something to do."

"You don't know what to do?"

"Yeah. Even though this place is made to let you have fun, I'm still bored."

"Well what do you do for fun all day?"

"Something."

"What?"

"I watch you ponies, all day, every day. For you see, ponies have become my life."

"You mean the show Twilight mentioned in her letter?"

"Yeah, but nowadays, I just watch you ponies from my side, right where I want you. Course, I can't have you all to myself, others watch the show as well, and others still wish they were like me. Brony in Equestria, the final goal. Hell, in any given parallel world, that might just happen, but not here, probably. Actually, no. The plane of both of our universes have been breached already, and our two worlds could collide, killing billions. Universes? Univi? Universeseses? Pegasususus? Pegasus? Pegasi? Pinkie Pie? Pinkie's Pies? No, you'd need a bakery for that. Pinkie's Pies could be the name of the bakery. I should tell Pinkie Pie of this. But she makes cupcakes. Soarin' likes pies. Maybe Soarin' is friends with Pinkie. It could be a joint business. But what about muffins? I need to tell Derpy that Pinkie Pie and Soarin' made a business selling baked goods. She could provide a steady supply of half of the muffins needed at any given time. Half because Derpy does what she wants. That is a great business plan. Pinkie's pies, seller of cupcakes, pies, and muffins."

"Are you alright?"

"You're right, that would never work. If it's called Pinkie's Pies, than most would assume that it sold pies exclusively. It would have to be called Pinkie's Bakery, but that takes all the fun out of the name. Pinkie's Pies and baked goods. Perfect! She could employ a bread baker and maybe a cake maker. Bread with sugar. A roll with sugar. Sweet roll. Did somebody steal your sweetroll? We need to tell somebody, someone stole their sweet rolls! Hold up, ponies don't steal. But Dash said something about a bullet at one point in time, I believe. That means that she knows what that is, which means ponies make bullet's. If they make bullet's, than they would need a reason to use them. Long story short, ponies commit crimes. That means that the aforementioned theft of the sweet roll is completely possible. Although here it is highly possible, it seems less likely in Equestria. Well, here if people steal food, it's needed to survive, like canned soup or tacos. They would be unlikely to steal a sweet roll."

"What?"

"Exactly!" I said as if I understood what I just said as clear as a crystal. "Well, let's go."

"Go where?"

"Anywhere. Though preferably somewhere with ponies."

"So back to our friends?"

"If you say so."

"But you said so."

"You said it first."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"I did not!"

"I'm pretty sure you did."

"No I didn't!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"I'm the one who said it and that's final!" she shouted. "Now let's go see our friends."

"Okie dokie lokie!" I said happily.

"Wait a minute... What just happened?"

"C'mon Luna. We don't want to be late, do we?"

"Late for what?"

"Who said anything about being late for something?"

"You did, just now. Are you feeling alright?"

"Just a tad trolly."

"Trolly?"

"Just a tad."

"A tad?"

"Tad-ish."

"Tad-ish?"

"Hypertaco."

We walked back, Luna confused as to what had transpired. It helps when you can pick out a few select words from a conversation and start a whole new one. Universeseseses seseses. It was as if tacos. Seseseses. Ses.

"Intensive taco unit!" I said suddenly.

"What is that?"

"I don't know. You can't just go around expecting me to know what I'm saying. Seseseseses."

We got back and Rainbow said, "What took ya?"

"Things. Or stuff, whichever you prefer."

"Things?"

"Stuff?"

"Indubitably."

"So, what did you do?"

"I continued a stream of information."

"What does that mean?"

"I kept talking like Pinkie."

"How do you mean, like me?" asked Pinkie.

"First I went from destruction of our worlds, to Pinkie's Pies, then to proving that ponies commit crimes."

"But how did you do that?" asked Luna.

"Magic. Y'know what, just assume that whenever you don't understand something I do, or say, magic. I just realized that The Everchanging Horizons sounds cool. Does it sound cool to you? Everchanging in itself is a cool word. Everchanging Tides, Ever changing Stratosphere. Everchanging Tacos. Tacos are cool. Yeah, tacos. Damn it! Now I'm craving tacos."

"I want some tacos." said Pinkie.

"Oh dear god no, no. No tacos for you."

"Now why can't we have tacos? What makes you so special?" asked Dash.

"I'm fully human, I think. And you're fully ponies, I think."

"And?"

"Only humans eat these."

"Why?"

"You want the truth, or the lie that makes everybody feel good?"

"Truth."

"But I don't want to tell you the truth."

"Why not?"

"You're all gonna hate me, and right now, we're stuck together until we get back to Equestria. Rather be at least acquaintances."

"I don't think anything will make us hate you."

"I can think of at least 14 things that'll make you hate me within three seconds of thinking. Maybe 11 for Celestia. It sickens me that I know of them."

"I don't know, maybe those other three will make me hate you. We'll never know until we try." said Celestia.

"With all due respect Princess, shut up." She started laughing. "Having fun are we? Good, have fun, this is a fun place."

"Did you just tell the Princess to shut up?" asked Twilight.

"I sure did! I've always wanted to tell off royalty. Also I've always wanted to take down a wall. Not any wall in particular, just a wall. Preferably with a large blunt object. Also a few more things, some unnameable. Bit off subject there. What were we talking about?"

"Tacos and why we're not allowed to eat them." said Dash.

"Ah yes, that is a red area for me. How do I break it to you without sounding like a heartless villain? I'll start with... Humans eat meat. Tacos got meat. Meat meat meat."

"Meat? You mean like..." started Twilight, trying to make sense of what I had said.

"Meat, flesh, remains, carcass. Dead animals, cooked, spiced, then eaten. Except fish, I never cared for fish. I'm sorry, but... Actually, y'know what, I'm not sorry."

"But that's horrible!"

"Tough. It was how I was raised. You were raised on plants, herbivore. I eat meat, plants, tacos. Omnivore. Omnivore... Omni. Omnitalisman. Omnistave. Elemental stave. Elemental fury. Earth. Gaia. Gods. Tacos. Everything can be linked to tacos. Tacos must be the source of the universe. Universeseses."

"Enough of that!"

"Right, sorry. Look..." I opened my mouth and pointed to my canines. "Teeth meant for ripping and tearing. Humans eat meat, that's all there is to it. Celestia, open your mouth. Well, never thought that I'd say that within a million years."

"Why me, specifically?"

"Comedic effect. Show me your teeth."

She did so, and her teeth weren't all that different. They were even noticeably perfect. "Nice teeth. Well, that breaks my logic like Pinkie would break logic. Look at that, long, pointed canines, meat eater."

She closed her mouth and shrugged.

"Huh... I really thought that they would be flatter and broader, like an equine. No, them's human teeth."

"Why did you want her to show you her teeth?"

"To make an example. If she did indeed have teeth unlike mine, then that could've been traced to herbivore. Since it's not, I think that I made everything worse. Y'know what. Boom, memory wipe and subconscious desire for tacos removed."

I raised my hand and used my spell on them, fixing at least three problems at once without consequence. "So how have you been for the past five minutes?" I asked happily.

"I've been pretty good, I think."

"That's good, thinking's good. Never was allowed to think myself. Normally due to mass crime sprees that follow my thought process. Also tacos."

"That reminds me..."

"No it doesn't."

"But I..."

"No you didn't."

"But it..."

"You're making it up!" I shouted.

Pinkie walked over to me and whispered, "You forgot me in that spell of yours."

"No, you were just unaffected. I think Princess Celestia remembers as well."

Celestia looked around, smiling. She looked at me and nodded. Yeah, she still knew.

"Classical derpiteering. Wonder how Derpy's been. She's a fun pony. Would've loved this place, probably. Fo' shizzle."

I moved my arm up and down and kept staring at it. "What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"No really, what?"

"Uh... I don't know?"

"Good answer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to... something."

"Something?"

"Eeyup."

Pinkie's ears flopped, then her knees twitched, then eyes fluttered.

"Rainbow Dash, care for a fly?"

"What's with this all of the sudden?" she asked.

"Pinkie said the sky's gonna be graced by a beautiful rainbow. We got a beautiful Rainbow right here, so into the sky with you."

"Awww." said Pinkie.

I glared at her, then turned back to Rainbow. I shrugged and said, "So how 'bout it?"

"Yeah."

"Sweet."

I hopped out of the room and Rainbow flew after me. I turned around and hovered in the air. "So Dash, the beautiful Rainbow is in the air. What do you wanna do?"

"Stop that." she said, rubbing the back of her head and looking down.

"Stop what?"

"Stop saying that."

"That you're beautiful?"

"Yes, that."

"But it's true. What, Dasher can't take a compliment? Dasher. Dashie. Dash. El Dasho. Dash-o-mundo. Hey, have you ever thought about getting a doctorate?"

"Well, no. Why?"

"Doctor Dash. Doctor Rainbow? No, that didn't sound as cool as I thought it would. Professor Dash? Professor Rainbow? No, neither, never mind. Back to before, now, why can't I say nice things?"

"It makes me blush."

"You're cuter when you blush. Then again, everyone is. Well, most everyone. I think. Let's fly around a bit."

I took off and she followed after me. I flew around in random, unpredictable pattern, and Dash followed me with unwavering speed. 'She's good, unshakable I might add. I will add. Unshakable. Granted, wasn't trying to shake her.'

I flew straight up, Dash close behind. We spun around each other while ascending. We stopped, looked at each other, then dived. We were picking up some major speed. I saw the light encase Rainbow, and felt wind resistance increase rapidly around myself. "Split!" I shouted when we were close to the ship.

We split off into separate directions, displaying our respective sonic explosions. We flew around the ship three times, then went back to the center, and spiraled up again, rainbows following Dash in a brilliant display of light.

We stopped high in the air. I smiled, and she smiled back.I looked around us, we had gone way too high, and it was incredibly cold. I looked back at Dash, she was shivering. "Down!" I said.

I started to see spots, and I knew that she wasn't doing any better than me. We started to fly back down. We gained more speed, and made it back in less than three pieces each.

"Remind me never to fly that high again." said Dash.

"Long as you remind me to do the same. Getting a bit late out, Ima hit the hay."

I slowed down near some clouds. "Can I lay on these?" I asked myself.

I attempted, and succeeded, on laying on a human world cloud. I looked down, the ship was moving, but the cloud wasn't following it. "This'll never work, weather is unpredictable, except when predicted. Also because it isn't physically possible. That's a bit irrelevant. Physical laws mean little any more. Almost Pinkie irrelevant. Sleeping in a normal bed."

Dash flew close to me and said, "Yeah, normal beds are always good, but clouds are better."

"I know, but you're not gonna lay on one. Wake up and the ship'll be gone. Without a life detection spell, or some other means of locating us, you're never gonna find us for a long time. Stranded at sea, nowhere to go, no food to drink, no water to eat."

"Food to drink?"

"And water to eat. You heard what I said. I mean what I said. Stranded, alone. Ugh, that's too much bad thoughts for one day."

"Maybe you could stay with me." she said.

"Maybe, I could find our way back, yes. But human clouds move like the ones in the Everfree. All on their own. Course, I could fix that with a bit of magic."

I stuck my finger in my mouth and felt the wind direction. There was no wind, a dead stillness. "Think we should tell 'em?" I asked.

"Why?"

"Good point."

I landed on a nearby cloud and tipped back, falling on the cloud. Dash laid down next to me. I magiced up the cloud so we couldn't fall through.

"Night." I said.

"Night."

'Wait, What did I just agree to?'

> Chapter 23
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Phil, wake up." I heard.

"Five more minutes mommy, I don't wanna go to school." I mumbled, rolling over.

"C'mon lazy, it's time to get up." she said.

"Alright, fine. Did I miss anything important?"

"Nothing really."

"I'm hungry." I said.

I made myself some magic waffles, and swallowed them whole. I tossed her some, and she said, "Shouldn't I eat this with something?"

"Quite right, syrup." I got a stream of syrup to appear and said, "Just dip it in there."

"That works."

We sat there eating waffles for a few minutes, then finally realized that the ship was nowhere to be seen. I looked around and said, "This sucks. No ship for miles. Hope we're not shot out of the air."

"Shot out of the air?"

"It happens more often than somebody may think. Course if it does happen, I'll fix the problem."

I stuck the tip of my finger in my mouth and tested the wind direction and speed. No wind, like yesterday. "We go that way." I said.

"How do you know that?"

"I tested the wind."

"There is no wind. Why did you try to test it?"

"I don't know. Who cares?"

"I do."

"Well good luck with that." I cracked my back and hopped into the air. "I rarely get days like this. Up before my body is up. How often do you do this?" I asked.

"As much as I can."

"That takes skill. Well, some skill. More skill than I have at least. I think. For you see, tacos."

"It's hard to argue with you when you say that."

"I know. Argument stopper, time passer, and an all around fun word to use."

"Ok... Well we better get goin' then."

"Then let's go, Dashington."

"Dashington?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I can."

"But why?"

"I give people names. Well, I don't make some, I just use them. Like, say for example, Twilight. There's always a chance that I'll call her, say, Sparkles, or Twi. Sparkles is funny, I'm using that more often. Another for example, for Princess Celestia, would be Molestia, or Trollestia."

"Molestia? I hate it when she does that. My plot hurts when I think about those days."

I started laughing. "It's not funny!" she yelled.

"It's very funny." I said through giggles.

"It is not funny." she said.

"Oh you're serious? Let me laugh even harder!"

"C'mon man, stop laughing!"

"You're killin' me! Every word you say makes it so much funnier!"

She flew at me and tackled me out of the air into the water. We stuck our heads out and I laughed a little.

"Oh, shut up."

"Well, let's go. We can do stuff later. Or not. There's always stuff to be had. Yeah, stuff."

I got a flying start, then ran across the water as best as I could. It wasn't that hard, just needed speed. I goofed up and fell face first into the ocean. Rainbow was laughing at me.

"That didn't work."

"Gonna try again?" asked Dash.

"You can bet your plot on that." I said.

"How about I bet my plot against it?"

"That sounds very Molestia of you." I said.

I tried again and managed to run across for much longer. Dash was flying next to me. After a while, we reached the ship and snuck on board, very loudly. We walked to the room and everybody was already up.

"Hello everybody, guess who?" I said happily.

"Where have you been?" asked Luna.

"No idea, but I was with Dash." I said.

"With Dash?"

"Yup, with me." she said.

"So what happened?" asked Celestia.

"We took a nap on a cloud." said Rainbow.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I asked her.

"I was there."

"Ah yes, it would seem that way, wouldn't it?"

"Was it my kind of nap?" asked Celestia.

"Your kinds of naps don't involve much napping. Anyways, if you'll excuse me..."

"Where are you going?" asked Luna.

"I was gonna go... Good point."

"Good point?"

"Yeah, I never have something to do. Barely anything is planned with me. I never did anything planned. Oh well, let's go have fun somewhere. Everybody likes fun, weather doubled, tripled, or tacoed."

"You didn't answer my question." said Celestia.

"Quite right. Nope, not your kind."

"Aww."

"Hey Phil, what kind of nap is she talking about?" asked Rainbow.

"Remember the discussion we had earlier? About the names and whatnot? Think about the name I said about Princess Celestia."

She blushed and her wings went straight out. "He's right, you're kinds of naps don't have much napping."

"Maybe we went too far with that one." I said.

"Or not far enough." said Celestia.

"Ok that's enough. What's with that?" I asked.

"What?"

"Right there." I said, pointing at a piece of paper on the table. "That wasn't there yesterday."

"It could've been anyone."

"Not the paper, the table itself. Also the paper."

I walked over to it and picked it up. I read it, then pocketed it. "Who was let into this room?" I asked.

"Just us." said Twilight.

I looked at each and every one of them. "Must've been a dimensional anomaly." I said.

"What's that?"

"I don't know, I just made it up. I didn't wanna say magic leak."

"So what is it?"

"It's instructions."

"For what?"

"A guaranteed way to get home. A spell, Abyssal in nature. This'll get us back home. I think it leaked from your world. But if it did, then I was right, and our worlds are colliding. It'll take many years to affect anybody though, so we have fun time. If the worlds are leaking, then travel should be possible, but if we don't do it from a doorway, the boundaries holding us apart will splinter, then break. Death to all. But we have time. Time is at least one thing we have, don't worry. Pinkie, can you world hop freely now?"

"I'll see." she said. She disappeared, then reappeared seconds later with a cupcake in her hand. I heard a very large crack, like glass. "World hopping is a go, chief."

"World hopping is a no go, private. No more. Do it again, and the barrier might break."

"Fine."

MANY DAYS LATER

"Well girls, here we are, America, or as I say more often, 'murrica." I said, stepping off the boat.

"I imagined that this place would be different." said Twilight.

"It gets different, stick with me and you'll be just fine. Really, stay close to me, this isn't the safest place in the world if you catch my drift."

I looked around and saw that many people were staring at us. They all had something in common, military uniforms. They walked closer and closer to us, starting to form a circle around us. I scanned their minds and found out that they were there to capture us.

"Girls, cover your ears, and get ready to run." I said.

After they covered their ears, I pointed to the closest speaker, and used my magic to make a very loud, high pitched noise. Everybody near us fell to the floor, holding their heads. We ran out of there as fast a we could and avoided pursuit.

We hid in a relatively empty area and I said, "This is problematic. They were after at least me, no question. I can fix that."

I handed Princess Celestia my bag of money and a slip of paper. "You're in charge now, Celestia. Go there and get yourself a room. I'll see ya there later. I'll knock seven times." I said.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Make sure that you're safe." I said, getting up.

I ran off and found myself back near the men. "Hey guys, looking for someone?" I asked.

"I'm sorry kid, but that's classified. Wait a minute..."

I smiled and walked away, slowly. They surrounded me and I said, "Good luck men, you'll need it."

I ran towards a man, jumped over him, and ran in the direction opposite my friends. They were now in pursuit. They were shouting something, but I was too lazy to pay attention. I noticed movement from in front of me, and I slid to a stop. They had a large blockade of men waiting for me. I placed my leg on a wall and shot myself back, through the line of men following me.

I stopped in midair and ran off again. I exited the terminal and saw many squad cars waiting for me.

"Geez, y'think you got enough?" I shouted.

They all took aim at me. I put my hands into the air and said, "I give, too much effort to keep going."

They hesitated for a moment, then cuffed me, not at all a new event nowadays.

Standard police stuff, then into a car with me. I was taken to where criminals would go, figure it out, and was placed in an interrogation room straight away.

A man walked in, sat down, and asked, "Do you know why you're here?"

"Haven't the faintest."

"We need to ask you some questions."

"Probably."

"Kid, this isn't a game."

"It is to me."

"And what would make you say that?"

"Games are fun, and I'm having fun."

"You were reported to be a Russian spy. Can you tell me anything about that?"

"That's a load of bull. If I'm anybody's spy, it'll be the US. I am not a spy, they just want me because I said that I'd help them. They would really like me to help them because of my mag... telekinesis. Also wings."

"Yes, we have also heard that you have working wings."

I opened my wings and flew above him for a second, then sat back down. "I'm bored, hurry it up."

"Another was reported to be traveling with you, a Ms. Luna, is that correct?"

"Yeah."

"Where is she now."

"Left her in Italy. She was too obnoxious."

"You were seen leaving Italy with her and seven others, who were they, and why did you lie?"

"The others were my buddies."

"How did you manage to leave without any records. You weren't questioned. You weren't stopped. Nothing."

"A form of hypnosis."

"And your friends, what would their names would be?"

"Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Them, along with me, Phil by the way, and Princess Luna, are traveling together across the country."

"Your last name?"

"I have never told my last name to police, and I never will."

"Why are you traveling, and where are you going?"

"My main destination is a small town in Wisconsin. As for the reason, I live there." I said. Wasn't all a lie, but close enough.

"Where are your friends now?" he asked.

I looked at him and said, "If you touch my friends, I'm gonna..." I pounded the table and it split in half, down the center.

"You are a very odd man. Able to escape from police multiple times in Russia. Multiple accounts of a kid cleaning out the wallet's of bar patrons."

"For the record, they agreed to it." I said.

"Duly noted. Then there was the fight with that gang. Without using your arms and carrying a woman the entire time."

"I still got a mark from where one got me with a bat." I said, moving my hair and showing him.

"I see... Aren't you supposed to be cuffed?"

"Probably."

"Your telekinesis and wings, along with your skills resembling alchemy and your ability to access military only radio frequencies. Some would kill for those."

"Eeyup. Now, if that's it, then see ya." I said.

I walked over to the door and kicked it open. Everybody who had a gun was pointing them at me. I shielded myself and walked right out, ignoring any and all attempts to stop me. Again, there were people outside waiting for me. I made myself invisible and flew to the meeting point.

Seven knocks later, and I was let inside. "How'd ya do? Good? Great." I said.

"How'd it go for you?"

"Well, invisible flying works wonders for getaways. Did you have any problems on your way here?"

"We got some odd looks from some people, mostly men. Other than that, no. Why do men look at us like that?"

"Truth be told, you're all gorgeous. Every single one of ya."

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you? The answer is yes, I would, but that's beside the point. What I said stands."

"That's pretty nice of you to say that."

"Alright, back to business. So, this place is a notch more dangerous than places we've been before. Stay together and away from dark alleyways and you'll be just fine."

"Why?"

"Just some basic rules of travel, those. Another important thing would be to listen to what I say most of the time. Usually, my paranoid nature keeps people safe in times of danger. And by usually, I mean once before. And by once before, I mean that I have never done that. Long story short, be careful."

"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie.

"Now that that's out of the way, who's up for cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes!"

We left, I checked the surrounding area a little, and we headed off to the nearest bakery.

"Three dozen cupcakes." I said to the person at the counter.

"What kind?"

"Cupcake kind." I said.

"No, I mean... All right, all cupcakes. I think that's what you meant."

Everybody sat down near each other, and I got our food. I placed it down and Pinkie ripped open the container.

We had eaten three dozen cupcakes in twelve minutes. I wasn't sure if I should've been impressed though. I didn't really know how long it took to eat a cupcake normally. Probably time.

After we left, Pinkie decided to disappear. I was not sure if she was just being Pinkie, or if she was in trouble. I shrugged and said, "Alright you lot, what would be on the agenda for today?"

"Maybe we could speed this up, I mean, the human world's great and all, but I miss being home."

"Yeah, speed it up."

"Ok... Witchcraft time."

"Huh?"

"Witchcraft. It's like a teleport, but uses at least 17% more magic, 90% more time, and 400% more tacos. First we need to find Pinkie Pie."

"A what?"

"I'm right here!" she said.

"Allons-y!" I shouted, using the spell.

When everybody woke back up, it was dark out and we were in the middle of the woods.

"What just happened?" asked Rainbow, getting up.

"Stuff happened."

"What were those things you were talking about?"

"Oh, I lied. I just made us travel unconsciously. The memories will return after a good night's rest. Now to assess the damage."

I looked at my hand. I was holding a taco, but not anymore, because it disappeared somewhere a second after I saw it. Weird. Other than that, normal. I looked at my buddies and saw no immediate changes. "Coulda been worse, one of us might not've been here. Or worse, a distinct lack of tacos. Or even worse than that, one of us might not be here."

"Or even worse." said Pinkie.

"I can think of a few things that'd be worse." I replied.

"Like what?"

"Oh you know, stuff."

"I guess."

"So... Where are we."

"My home town."

"Your town?"

"Eeyup. Family, friends, portal, and other things that you would find in a small town."

"So what now? What are you gonna do now?"

"Are you calling me crazy?" I asked.

"Um... No."

"Just because I have a hotel in my foot doesn't make me a boogily-moogily-moogily!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone's up, so let's go."

"Where to?"

"First stop, gotta reassure my parents, then we'll be off for Equestria!"

"Your parents?"

"Yeah, it's not like I'm an orphan or anything. I hope I'm not an orphan at least."

"Then we better get goin'."

"This way, I think."

"You think?"

"I also could be lost."

"How can you be lost in your own town?"

"I spend almost all of my time inside. I despise outside and rarely go out. There's people out there. People with drugs. Good drugs. Anyways, other than that, my memory is so poor that... What are we talking about? Never mind, let's go."

I started walking, recognized a few surroundings, and followed a path home. After about 13 minutes, I saw it, a house like house that was just so... Housey.

"Here we are, my home." I walked inside and checked around, nobody was there.

"Phil, nobody's home."

"Quite. Oh well. Who wants a sammich?"

"Me!"

"Over here."

I got out sammich stuff, put sammich stuff on bread, and sammiched it. "Sammich." I said, grabbing one of the seven.

I saw the door open and chose not to react. I continued eating the food. Two were left due to hungry ponies.

"Is that you Phil?" asked my mom.

"Are tacos tacoey?"

"It is you! Where have you been? What's with these women?"

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" said Pinkie happily, shaking her hand spastically.

"Um... Hello."

"So mom, where's dad?"

"He'll be back in a minute or two. Where have you been? After the call, we told the police, and... Italy? You couldn't come up with a better excuse?"

"You told the police?" I asked.

"Yes, we thought someone kidnapped you!"

"Police are always giving us trouble." said Luna.

"Why would they..."

"It'll take too long to explain, and you probably wouldn't believe me."

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up on what I assumed was a floor, cracked my neck, and walked to the kitchen to get cereal. Pinkie was already out there making pancakes.

"You didn't have any flour or pancake mix." she said.

"Then how did you... gypsy magic, got it."

"Why does everyone keep saying I'm a gypsy?"

"The same reason that they think Sweetie Belle is a robot."

"Uh-huh..."

"Toss me one."

A pancake flew towards me, I caught it, then ate it.

I went outside due to sheer boredom. Rainbow was already out there. She flew down and said, "How's it goin'?"

"Pretty good. How'd ya sleep?"

"Ok, I guess."

"Awesome."

I grabbed a roll of duct tape and tapped my arm to the garage. I smiled at my handiwork.

"Are you alright?"

"Probably."

"And was that a good idea?"

"Admittedly, it wasn't the best."

I took the tape off and said, "The allure of duct tape is almost completely offset by the pain."

"Allure of duct tape?"

"Oh yes. Stick nearly anything together. Some guys made a boat out of only duct tape. And framework of course. It's not very stable. The thing actually floated and supported movement. Anyways, back to before, I am going to do stuff."

"You're going to do stuff?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"You just told me."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"No it's not."

"Then it's irrelevant."

"Then what will you do?"

"Stuff."

"Aw, come on!"

I started laughing. "But in all actuality, it's fairly near the time that everypony is awake. Or at least Twilight. She's so on time it's boring. Hold up a notch a second..."

I ran back inside, flicked on the TV, grabbed the remote, and started watching My Little Pony. Rainbow followed me and was a little confused about it.

"This is the show you mentioned?"

"Yeah, all the way back in chapter one."

"What?"

"Shh... My Little Pony's on."

I sat there happily for the full hour that it was on. They were the wedding episodes. I had a content smile on my face. The others had gotten up and ultimately ended up joining the viewing session.

I was smiling until the end, then Vinyl's eyes were plum. "Well, that ruined my day." I said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Her eyes. They're not red. What am I going to do with all my red eye reaction pics now?"

"Um..."

"Whatever. Picture was blue... er. Someone's gonna notice, photoshop, then post. Then the internet will do things, then stuff'll happen. Maybe we'll lose the government. Doesn't matter."

"What are you talking about."

I thought about that for a minute, then said, "Yes."

"Huh?"

"Yes." I repeated.

"What do you mean by yes?"

"I'm almost 27% sure this time."

"About what?"

"Right. Well, let's get a move on."

"What about your family?"

"Eh... I'll leave them a note."

"That seems cruel."

"Yeah, but at least I'll be back. Some time. If the worlds continue as they are now, time'll stay the same."

I grabbed some paper, wrote down a note, then dropped it on the counter. "Ok, now let's go before they can see us."

"Don't you want to stay?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Why not?"

"Nothing exciting ever happened in my life, other than an occasional new video game. It's horrible, I know. I don't even have any friends. In Equestria, friends and fun galore."

"You didn't have any friends?"

"Not really, no. It wasn't as bad as it seemed. I loved the loneliness. It made me feel happy."

"How could you be happy alone?"

"Just drop it. Shouldn't have brought it up in the first place."

"How can we drop that?"

"Magic. Now c'mon, let's go!"

I ran outside without another word. I sat down in a chair and thought about where it was. "If it's still there, then the same thing must need to happen. Whatever, I'll figure it out."

They followed me out and I started walking. About 13 minutes later, I reached the fence near the building. No Derpy.

I hopped the fence, ran down the hill, and slid in the building. Nobody was inside. I jumped into the rafters and noticed a shimmering piece of space outside the window. "Over here!" I called.

Celestia was the first to fly up to me. "You know, you really helped us out with this." she said.

"We're not out of the woods yet. We still gotta get through this thing."

I made them a way to get up. "Step right up, step right up! Be the first to witness something never before seen. Something amazing, something spectacular! Something not of this world! That's right folks, you heard me right, it's not of this world! Right this way ladies and... ladies." I said like a carnival announcer.

I pointed to the portal, then said, "I'm going to use that spell I found. When I do, jump in the shimmering area."

I grabbed the paper from my pocket, then started to use the spell.

"How can you manage that so quickly?" asked Twilight, shocked.

"I ate tacos yesterday." I said.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, that failed." I said, having the spell rejected.

"Can I see that paper?" asked Twilight.

I handed it to her, and she said, "You need something to stabilize it. You see, a portal like this would need an astronomically large amount of power to use."

"So what you're saying is... We need a pie?"

"How could you have gotten pie from that?" she asked.

I tossed a pie into the portal and it stopped shimmering. "Shimmah!"

I grabbed the paper back from her and re-did the spell. "Ok, this time it worked. Now get in that portal or I'm chuckin' your plots in there."

They all ran through the portal.

"Thanks brain, I owe ya." I said.

'Oh no ya don't, I had nothing to do with this.'

I followed them in. I had once again appeared in Equestria. I was in the air. I tried to use my wings, but couldn't even feel them.

"Catch me, catch me, catch me, catch me, catch me!" I shouted.

I hit the ground and bounced off. "Go to hell." I said in pain.

I stood back up then examined myself. No damage, odd. All my friends were surrounding me.

"Why did you hit the ground?"

"I fell."

"Why didn't you use your wings?"

"Because somebody didn't freakin' catch me!"

We all heard a large explosion from behind us. I turned around and saw that there was fire everywhere.

"Now, we have problem." I said.

> Chapter 24
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"... And that's why I'm legally not allowed to use scissors anymore." I finished.

"Wow!"

"That's amazing!"

"That was the best story I've ever heard!"

"I liked the part with the giant robots."

"I think the part with the shark people was better."

"What about the part with the alien abductions?"

"Yeah, that slip n' slide story is always great to tell. Thank god I knew where the ax was. It took a lot of hairspray." I said, "Now let's go."

"Yeah, that story burned half a day."

"Now what's with all the fire?"

"It isn't hot or burning anything."

"Like a background effect."

"Weird. That explosion was pretty weird too."

"Yeah, where did it come from?"

"I don't know what the fires are doing, but they once burned. Feel them now. There's nothing coming from them. Whatever happened, nopony's dead, so that's a plus. Bet Spike's just carrying on with his normal day."

"Why do you say that?"

"During the wedding, he just stood there, not doing anything. He wasn't even bound down."

"I didn't notice that."

"Me either. Got the internet to thank for pointing it out."

"How can you possibly thank that horrid thing?" asked Twilight.

"You just got a bad link to a bad site. Most of the internet is good. Actually, no. For every normal site, there's about five bad sites. I believe that is an actual statistic. Whatever. I have not seen a single living thing since we got here. Weird. Anyways, I have a feeling that whatever happened, Canterlot is the epicenter."

"Why do you say that?"

"Every episode where important things happened involved Canterlot. So by the process of tacos, our next move is... what was I saying?"

"Our next move, what is it?"

"I'm thinkin' Disney World."

"Huh?"

"Didney Worl! What? Oh right, our next move. I say we grab the Elements and kick whatever's plot."

"The Elements? But you said..."

"Yeah, I lied. I do that sometimes."

"What?"

"I have no idea. If they don't work, then they'll lead to a plot event that is guaranteed to work. Kinda like cheese."

"So how we gonna get there?"

"Rule 2: Don't ask questions."

"You never had any rules."

"Rule 17: If there is a problem with any of the rules, see rule 84."

"What's rule 84?"

"Rule 84: If you were directed here by rule 17, go to rule 0."

"And rule 0?"

"Rule 0: Shutcha mouth, lad. We got work to do."

"Just how many rules do you have?"

"2, 3 at the most."

"But..."

"If you have any questions, consult rule 1337."

"Which would be?"

"Rule 1337: Rule 1337 is awesome."

"What?"

"And by my own patented process of tacos, we can safely assume that this chapter will have words in it. Now are we gonna stand here and flap our gums or are we going to save Equestria? I'm just asking because I'm fine with either option."

"I really think we should save Equestria!"

"Ok. Pinkie, monocle!"

She grabbed one from a tree and gave it to me, and I quickly put it on.

"Why?"

"Shutcha mouth, lad. We got work to do. Now, how are we getting to Canterlot?"

"Teleportation?" said Twilight.

"Let's make that the last option."

"We could travel by flying." said Rainbow.

"Nah, that'd take too long. I say either by map or gypsy magic, and I don't see anything that could let us travel by map here. Hey Pinkie..."

"Pay attention, Phil! We're already there!" she said.

I looked around. Canterlot. "That is just plain not fair." I said.

"Why not?"

"I want gypsy magic to." I handed Pinkie a pair of sunglasses.

"What are those for?" asked Rainbow.

"I gotta deal with it. Hmm... Something's feeling rustley. Somepony's jimmies are being rustled. Somehow, somewhere. Ooo! Let's grab some cheese!" I said happily.

"Why cheese?"

"It's all part of my grand plan. We need a brick sized slab of cheese and a small wheel of cheese. Also we're going to need a lemon and hot sauce pie and an onion."

They spread out and got the ingredients. I grabbed a bag of Raritys. I mean marshmallows. "Whatever, the two are interchangeable. Like Spike and Rainbow Dash."

"So what are these for?" asked Twilight.

"I'll tell you later."

"Really?"

"Not at all."

"Kinda figured that."

"No you didn't."

"But..."

"Ooo, good, you got the cheese!" I said happily.

I thought for a second, then said, "Does anypony here have a supersonic stereo system?"

"I don't think so."

"Good, because that sounds like a stupid idea."

"Why'd you say it?"

"Tacos. Now a real question at this time would be, where are the Elements? No doubt moved after some... indecent. Somewhere guarded, somewhere safe. Somewhere nopony would suspect. Or maybe they would suspect. Don't know or care. The castle's the best bet, right Celestia?"

"That's right, but we need to be a bit careful. We have some guests right now, no doubt looking for us." she said.

"Are they hookers?"

"No."

"And like that you've lost me."

"What's wrong with guests?"

"Nothing. What's wrong with a good hooker every now and again. Then again, pony, human. Then again, tacos."

We walked to the castle. "Any secret tunnels we can use to avoid traffic?"

"Well yes, but..."

"Secret tunnel! Secret tunnel! Through the mountain! Secret, secret, secret, secret tunnel! Yeah!" I sang happily.

I ran off in a random direction, then ran back and said, "Maybe you should lead the way, because I have no idea where I'm going."

She nodded and walked off. I stayed behind the group, then disappeared behind some buildings. "Step one: ditch world's best friends possible, check. Now, on to step two." I said to myself.

Now enough about him, he's weird.

PONIES

THIRD POV

"The entrance is this way." said Celestia.

"Where does it lead out?" asked Twilight.

"You'll love this, sewers."

"That's disgusting!" said Rarity unhappily.

"It's the only way in. Every other entrance is closely guarded. Good isn't it, Phil?"

"Yeah, it's great." said Pinkie with a poor impersonation.

"Pinkie?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you do that?"

"Because it's not like he's gonna answer."

"And why not?"

"He's been gone for the past twenty minutes."

"What?" she asked, turning around.

"Where'd he go?"

"He took off."

"Where?"

"I don't know. He doesn't tell me everything!"

"Well what did he tell you?"

"He said that it's all part of his grand master plan. He's a few steps ahead of everypony by now. What plan it was, I don't know, but I'm sure it will somehow involve tacos in some way, shape, or form. As for where he is, he didn't tell me that either."

"Why are you his informant?"

"Something about reality warping. I never really figured that out either. Could be something else entirely."

"Hmm..."

"Lets keep going. We have a mission right now." said Luna.

"Right."

They headed to a sewer entrance and Celestia opened it with her magic and jumped in. "I regret making this tunnel." she said. "At least there's a ledge we can walk on."

"We're really going down there?" asked Rarity.

"Yes, now get a move on."

They all got in and Luna closed it after taking one last look around.

"Alright, everypony, this way." said Celestia.

"This place smells horrid."

"Just a little further."

"Over here." they heard from the darkness.

"Who's there?"

"S'me, Omega."

"You're Phil's friend, aren't you?"

"Yeah, where is he?"

"Dunno, but he'll be back eventually."

"Eventually." he repeated.

"So what are you doing here?"

"After I broke out of prison, I needed somewhere to hide. This place was pretty good, so I just stayed here."

"What'd you do for food?"

"Things."

"And what would those be?"

"Stuff, just... never mind. This way, the Elements are over here."

"Is he right?"

"Yeah, they're over there." said Celestia. "How do you know that, Omega?"

"There were power spikes coming from over here."

"Very observant of you."

They made a few turns and made it to a door that had a jewel in it. "Here it is." said Celestia. She opened the door with her magic and got out the box.

"Here we are, girls. Take these and we can go." said Luna.

They all grabbed their respective pieces of jewelry and put them on. "Alright, let's go." said Twilight.

"Good luck, girls." said Omega.

"You're not coming?"

"Nah. Goodbye." he said happily.

"Well, bye Omega."

They quickly left the sewer system. "Now, we should find Phil, because right now, his plan is the only one we have." said Celestia.

"Hellooo, Canterlot!" they all heard.

PHIL

FIRST POV

"Hellooo, Canterlot!" I shouted through my 'borrowed' supersonic stereo system. "Guess who I found! That's right! Public enemy #1, Phil! You want some?" I pulled the microphone closer to my mouth and said calmly, "Come and get it."

The guards poured out of the castle like bees. "Oh, and friends, retreat, there's no way we can pull this off with this many guards."

I shot off and laughed at how stupid I was. "Hope they got the message." I said.

After a few minutes, quite unsurprisingly, they were still following me. "Not like Assassin's Creed. Run for a few moments, then it's like you never did anything in your life. Hope these guys are allergic to references, 'cause I'm full of 'em."

I stopped at the edge of a cliff. I turned around and smiled. "Hello!" I shouted.

I flipped off the edge, then jammed a knife in the underside and swung into a cave. It was a very deep cave. "Probably goes to the diamond mines. Or maybe Mexico." I ran deeper inside and was met with, holy shit how unexpected, more tunnels.

"Dayum, this goes on forever. No, never say that. You know better."

'Quiet you.'

"Fuck you, brain!"

'Well fuck you too, bruh.'

"It goes on for a while. Yes, good brain. Now, it'll be easy for them to get lost. Pro, escape. Con... Where's the entrance?"

'Only one thing left to do.'

"Cry like a baby?"

'We can do that later. Go deeper into the cave.'

"Yeah, cheese."

I ran forward, not really caring where I ended up. Not caring didn't pay off, because I just got more lost.

"Ok, now there really is only one logical thing to do."

'Oh?'

"Bend the laws of the universe to my will."

'Yeah man! Do it! Do it, do it, do it!"

"No."

'Ok.'

"Actually, I can think of one thing."

'No you can't.'

"Well fuck you too."

'Come at me, bro!'

"But really, I could just dig my way out."

'Do a bit of diggy?'

I grabbed a pickaxe and shouted, "I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole! Diggy diggy hole! I'm digging a hole!"

'Don't dig up.'

"Fuck you, I do what I want."

I looked straight up, swung the pick, then was met face to face with lava. I put the block back, then said, "Maybe I shouldn't dig up."

'Dumbass.'

"Thanks for the self-confidence."

I dug a staircase to the surface, singing the entire way up. I surfaced near a doughnut store, robbed some doughnuts, and proceeded to step 2.

Now enough about him, he's carrots. Why's he carrots? 'Cause he is.

PONIES

THIRD POV

"Did I just hear what I thought I heard?" asked Rainbow.

"Yup! He clearly told us to go into the castle while the guards were gone." said Pinkie happily.

"But he said retreat."

"Yes he did, now let's go."

"Are you sure?"

"Nope!" she said happily.

"That's good enough for me!"

"Umm..."

"What's wrong?"

"They wouldn't send the entire group to get somepony."

"Then there's still guards inside?"

"Yes, but not many."

"They never leave us alone." said Luna. "Eventually, they'll find us."

"But not if we sneak in."

"But where would we do that at?"

"The front door, silly!"

"That's... That's... almost crazy enough to work."

"Huh?"

"Think about it. Security would increase around the more secretive entrances. The majority of the guards wouldn't be around to watch the front door."

They ran towards the castle. Celestia stopped in front and looked at a sign.

"Well fuck you too." she said.

"Princess, what are you doing?" asked Twilight.

"Editing." she said.

She painted an X over a word on the sign. Twilight looked at it, then said, "Oh no."

"Nopony tells me what to do. The nerve of that human. Let's go, Twilight."

"You made it!"

PHIL

FIRST POV

"You made it!" I said happily, "Better yet, you're not hurt. That's awesome. Not as better, but still better than option one, you got the Elements. That's tacotacular! Now Celestia, did you really have to cross that out?"

"You know I did."

"But there isn't really time."

"There's always time."

"Good to know."

"What's with the bag?"

"It's got useful stuff in it. Like a grappling hook, lunch for us all, cheese, pie, cake, a pistol, three daggers, two katanas, my iPod, my badass shirt, my badass shorts, a stetson, a pair of spectacles, forty kilos of powdered sugar, a baseball cap, an aluminum bat, a banana, a small gift for everypony, and last but not least, a pill bottle full of tic-tacs to chug in public."

"All of those in that one small bag?"

"Yeah, among other things. Tic-tac?" I said, shaking the container at them.

"No, thanks."

"So lemme get this straight, you brought lunch, weapons, clothes, and stuff?"

"That's right. Speakin' of clothes, I'm gonna get them on."

"And you didn't include the banana into the lunch category because..."

"I'm never at a party without a banana. Granted, I'm never at a party that doesn't, in some way, involve ponies."

"So..."

"Oh, shut up and eat your lunch." I said, "I'll be back in fifteen seconds."

FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER

"I'm back!"

"Where'd you go?"

"I changed clothes and am now wearing a baseball cap. They're neat when they're backwards."

I sat down and grabbed a lunchbox from the bag. "Dunno 'bout you, but I could really go for some food. Grab your own box if you're hungry. Or maybe not your own, see if I care."

They each grabbed their boxes which had their cutie marks on them. After a few minutes, we were on our way.

"Now, judging by the previous events in this adventure, I would suggest going up."

"Why do you say that?"

"The king stands the tallest." I said, "Kickass quote, that. That means that whatever'll be at the highest point that you could put a throne."

"Are you sure?"

"Almost 2%."

"Well, that's pretty sure." said Rainbow sarcastically.

"I know, right? The answer is a big fat no. Since I'm the only one, I assume, with a plan, we should follow it."

"And what exactly is this plan?"

"It's a plan so great that my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about."

"What?"

"And that's how the universe was created."

"But..."

"Or was it taco related?"

"Wh..."

"Stop trying to understand my unintellectual intelligence. You'll just get a headache. Unless you already have one, in which case, drugs."

"Drugs?"

"Preferably tylenol that was dipped in the rainbow. Yeah, Rainbow Tylenol. Remember, if a stranger offers you drugs, take them and you can turn a profit."

I turned around and was met with a large group of ponies staring right at us. "Them's the guests?" I asked Celestia.

"Yeah."

"Shit's so fancy I'm gonna need a second monocle." I said, grabbing another monocle. "Now, on to the subject at hand. We weren't here." They nodded. "Beautiful. Now, which room is the highest?"

"That would be mine." said Celestia.

"Then it will be close to there. Lead the way, Celestia."

"Alright."

She took up some stairs, then I got lost and randomly appeared in front of a large, yellow-ish door.

"How'd you get here before us?" asked Celestia.

"By the power of tacos."

She opened the door. "Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing's changed." she repeated.

"It happens." I looked around, "This place creeps me the hell out."

I walked over to the window and onto a balcony with a telescope. I looked in it and said, "I can totally see into everypony's showers from here." I held a mirror in front of the telescope. "Even Celestia's. And I believe that's Blueblood. Now what's he doing in Celestia's room?" I turned around and said, "Hello, Blueblood."

"What are you doing in here?" he asked us.

"Just a few illegal things, no biggie. Make yourself useful and lock yourself in that closet."

"What? No!"

"That wasn't the answer I wanted. Rarity, go put Blueblood in that closet over there."

"Gladly." she said. She grabbed him and threw him into the closet, then locked the door. I pointed at it and put a timer on it.

"What a prick." I said, "On to business, is there a room above this? Like an attic, or a secret tunnel?"

"Yeah, but it's not that roomy."

"And now the curiosity is almost overwhelming." I said, "Almost. There must be another place, another room. I'm missing something obvious here. What is it? What is it? What is it? Something obvious, something hidden in plain sight. Eh, whatever. Who's up for a bit of diggy?"

"Um..."

"Great!"

I donned my trusty pickaxe and swung it against the wall, making a two block high hole. "Now if ya don't mind, I'm out."

I flipped back out of the hole and grabbed onto a crease under the ledge. Rainbow walked over and looked out. I grabbed her hoof and pulled her out. "Gotcha, Rainbow Dash!" I said smiling. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"All I see is you and the castle."

I looked behind me, then said, "Oh yeah." and turned her around. "What is that room?"

"I think that's Princess Luna's room."

"So it wasn't Celestia's room. Kicks my logic right in the plot."

I tossed her back in and climbed up. "Luna, your room's messed up a notch."

"What do you... Oh no, that is bad. That is real bad."

"We should evacuate Canterlot and put up some defenses." I said, "Right now, that place is really creeping me out. Almost as much as somepony eating a banana while maintaining eye contact."

"That's pretty creepy."

"And funny as hell. Now, does anypony have a quadruple-hinged, three panel, mahogany door?"

"I don't think so."

"That would be awesome. Mahogany. Ma-hogany. A very fine material. Very expensive."

"Um..."

"Mahogany."

"Ok?"

"First off, city wide evacuation. We gotta pull that off first. Actually, I'll do it."

There was a very large flash of white light, then a large vial appeared out of nowhere. There was a note on it. "From ten years in the future today, here's that stuff you needed, Phil."

"What?"

"Oh, they shouldn't have let me near the time spells."

"And why would that be?"

"This universe has a high chance of total annihilation. It's purple. Is this love poison? No, I wouldn't do that. That level of love disgusts me. Normal's aight. The only potion I would send myself is something that doesn't affect anything. I've watched too much TV to do that."

I got some cups and said, "Drink some drank, girls."

"Are you sure?"

"Prolly."

"Do you think it's poisoned?"

"I really don't think I'd kill myself using time travel. Preferably, if I had to, I would like to go either smothered in chocolate or something absolutely retarded. Something like bashing my head against a solid hunk o' steel. Then again, ponies don't use steel often. Maybe death by tacos. Ooo, or public execution! Possibly for genocide. Sorry, lost my train of thought. Actually, it crashed. Bits of grey matter everywhere. Stay on topic, stay on topic! Tl;dr, I won't kill myself with a time spell. A paradox would ensue. Right now, we don't need that."

"But what if it wasn't sent by you?"

"Nobody has this poor handwriting." I said, "And besides, why would somepony risk a paradox to poison us? It's not worth it. Not even to kill a group of great lookin' creatures. And me of course, but that's besides the point."

I poured it into the cups and took a swig. "That right there is some sugary drank. I don't recognize the taste. Either it's a pony brew, or I just never had it before. If it's pony, then Zecora would've made it. Or maybe me. My herblore level is 65."

"Your what?"

"Just a stuff. It's good, drink up. Or not. More for the rest of us."

Luna grabbed a cup and took a sip. "Hey, this is pretty good." she said. "Try some, Tia."

"Well, if you say so." she said, getting a drink, "You're right, it's great!"

They all grabbed a cup and drank some. I started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm not an idiot. If I poisoned it, it would've been delayed so we couldn't warn each other. It just seems logical, doesn't it? Answer that from an unbiased viewpoint."

"Now you tell us that?"

"That's probably enough time." I said, checking a non-existent watch on my wrist. "Boo-yah, it was clean. I had us worry for nothing. I'm a terrible person. Now, we've gotten sidetracked enough, full scale evacuation time."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"Better safe than sorry. Whatever's here has gotten into Canterlot and apparently into Luna's room. The latter isn't that important unless Luna cares about who goes in her room. Luna?"

"Not particularly, but I'd like to know if it happens at least."

"Then that's great."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna evacuate Canterlot now."

I looked out the window and used a spell. Everypony that was in Canterlot were transported outside the gates and I locked it shut. I reached in my bag and grabbed some high explosives.

"Phil, what are you gonna do with those?"

"Future me knew what was going on." I said, tossing the explosives at Luna's room. They exploded in mid-air, opening a hole in the wall. I hopped through the gap and inside the still pitch black room. My friends followed me.

"Can anybody see anything?"

"Not a thing."

"Animation budget must've ran out." I said. "Oh hey, Discord. Wuzzup, buddy?"

"Discord's here?"

Discord stood up and said, "It seems that somepony broke the no reading this in my voice rule."

"Dude, what? Anyways, is this room pitch black to you?"

"No, why?"

I looked straight at him. "Which entrance did we just come in?"

"The front door. Very normal of you."

"That right there is a problem."

"And which problem is it?"

"I just blew a hole in this room and used it to enter. I can't see any details. Only large and moving objects."

"We also can't see anything."

"That doesn't make sense at all. I love it!"

"Yes, now, did anything happen to you recently? Anything evil? Anything not prank? Kinda like a cheese grater?"

"Phil, what does a cheese grater have to go with anything?" asked Twilight.

"Cheese is good."

"Wait, what?"

"Answer the question."

"What question?"

"Oh, did you not get the note?"

"What note?"

"So to clarify, you didn't get that thing I sent ya?"

"What thing?"

"Sparkles, if you keep trying to find sense in my words, you'll get a headache. Where was I... Oh yes! Discord, answer the question!" I looked around. "He's gone, we can see again, and the hole in the wall is missing. A missing piece of missing wall. I'm stuck in an underground room with no windows or doors with the majority of my favorite ponies. Ok, who fell asleep? This type of things only happen in dreams. Or maybe not dream-s. Just a dream. Specifically mine. Ok, assets, what do we have to escape?"

"I found a pickaxe!"

"I got mining hats!"

"I found lanterns."

"Maps over here."

"Good job everypony! Now try and find something that's useful!" I said.

"But..."

"Tacos."

Twilight sighed and said, "Will this piece of crumpled up paper help us?"

"That's brilliant, Twilight! Good work. Now, anything else?"

I looked around the room. After a few minutes of wading through the useless mining equipment, I managed to find a screw, a rock, nine pieces of cheese, three tacos which disappeared quickly after I found them, two chairs, a seven foot iron pole, and a bed that was fit for royalty.

"What'd we find? Never mind, I don't care. I don't know about you, but I am jumping on that bed."

I hopped on the bed, then immediately fell through a hole in the floor. "Hey somepony, toss that seven foot iron pole down here!" I shouted.

The pole came straight down like a javelin. "Thanks!" I grabbed it and slowly moved it around in the darkness. Nothing of immediate importance. Then it struck a statue. I got a closer look. It was a statue of a pony. Not just any pony, it was Vinyl Scratch wearing her badass glasses. "I found out where the Ponyville ponies went!" I shouted up. "Down here. If you really feel the need, you can come down here too. Or not, see if I care."

> Crazy Level Rising
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked around the cave area. Every regular of Ponyville was down there in their stone prisons. Even the background ponies and Dinky. No Derpy or Doctor though. They must not've been in Ponyville. "Derpy will be so pissed when she finds out. Muffin level pissed. They may wake up being strangled by the muffin-warrior herself. That was a really bad move on their part. This must've been why the fire was so odd. It wasn't there to hurt, I guess, it was there to transport. How the fuck does that work?"

I tapped the statue of Big Mac. "There's a soul bound to each of these. All except those seven." I said, walking over to the group of odd statues. "One for each of the mane six and me. Is that what I look like? I'm ugly as hell." I put a party hat on it. "Fuck yeah! It's still ugly as hell but fuck yeah!" I shouted.

"What are you screaming about?"

"Check out this ugly sonova bitch." I said, pointing to it.

"Phil, that's you."

"Right you are. Now, no doubt you've seen what happened here. They got everypony. Everypony who was in Ponyville is now here, encased in stone. Or maybe they are stone. Doesn't matter. You and your badass bling can fix this no problem. Lickity-split. Now there's a funny phrase. Lickity-split, splitity-lick. Nope, loses it's fun-ness. You'll do it later, no questions. Too many questions, all the time, talkity-talk-talk. They'll still be there later. Now, there must be an emergency exit. Building a trap without an emergency exit is like digging your own grave... I'll figure the rest of that out in a few minutes and get back to you with the end."

I walked towards a wall. I ran my finger across it and walked around. After a few minutes, I hit something odd. A rock that had no real business there. "Over here, I think I found something. Holy shit!"

"What wrong?"

"I just realized something!"

"Yeah?"

"My pony folder is bigger than my porn folder!"

"What... the... fuck?"

"Help me get this thing open." I said. We all grouped along an edge and pushed the rock away. "More caves. I could navigate these things in my sleep. Or my awake. No, my asleep would have better luck, he's got randomness on his side. Now, I have a brilliant plan and it will help anypony get out of any maze at any time without fail no matter what. Keep your hoof on the wall and just keep walking one direction. Never switch directions. Never, ever, ever take your hoof off the wall. Logic and reason beats randomness this time."

I put my hand on the wall, then said, "I need some armor plated gauntlet's for this one."

"Why?"

"Rocks are sharp when they want to be. If we get cut up we'll be in pain for approximately an hour. More or less. Now, I want some peanut butter."

"Peanut butter?"

"Been craving it for fifteen months. Or maybe fifteen seconds, hard to tell when you want some peanut butter. And by some, I mean maybe five pounds of peanut butter. And by five pounds, I mean... well, I just want some peanut butter. I'll get it eventually. Of all the things I packed, that should've been at the top of the list. Not all this food and water and things necessary for life. Speaking of which, who's up for lunch? On second thought, call it supper, or dinner, or not. We already had lunch, so I guess it isn't lunch anymore. Or maybe it is. I went off topic, didn't I? Yeah... Resuming topic, left or right? Left, right... Left-right, left-right, left-right. Left. Lets go left. Any comments, questions, or concerns you may have may be directed to my secretary."

"You don't have a secretary."

"It's the perfect plan! Don't want to talk, send them to your secretary. You don't have a secretary! 'cept those two. Probably. Never seen one at least. Now if we keep losing our topic, we'll get left behind. You ponies are always talking."

"You're the one who's been talking."

"Well that's only to signal the bears. We're in a cave. Bears live in caves, and bears are crazy. It's dark in here, too dark to see. Why was Luna's room a portal to another area? Why not Celestia's? Actually there's a good answer for that. Luna wasn't in her room for a while. That would give somepony time to trap it. Why now and not later? Maybe because I was here. Messed everything up. If it was set to go off later, why? Hmm... That's a thinker. If you want to think about it, go right ahead, but keep in mind that there's a cliff in front of us."

We all stopped and saw a large open expanse of cliff. "Can't see another side." I said. I looked around. "There's a hole in the wall over there. A tiny crack in the rock over here. Other things that are also irrelevant everywhere else. I love it when nothing seems important." I walked over to the hole in the wall. "Bingo, a lever."

I reached my arm in and tried to pull it. No luck. I put my head in after it. "Zat doesn't look natural."

"What's in there?"

"Is it a bat?"

"Bats are natural." I said, "There's a lot of machinery in here."

I shrugged and yanked the lever, then I heard a large mechanical device being activated. I also heard some rocks crack.

"Phil, are you alright in there?"

"Just stuck." I said, "I wasn't stuck a moment ago, so it must've been that rock sound I heard a moment ago. What'd I miss?"

"A bridge came out of the cliff face over here."

"That's high technology right there." I tried to free myself, but with no luck. "I am stuck like... um... stuck like a... something that's stuck. I'll get back to you with that in a few minutes."

I reached around in my pockets. "Pockets, pockets, where is it? I know it's in here somewhere. Which one, which one?"

"What are you lookin' for?"

"I have something in here somewhere."

"What is it?"

"I'll find it. I'll find it. Not there. Nope, not there either. That's Pinkie's tail. Nothing's stored in there at the moment."

"Well maybe we can help you find it."

"It's in my shorts somewhere. Oh no." I felt a tug on my shorts and they came off, leaving me in my underwear. "Hey! Gimme back my shorts!"

"It's in here somewhere?"

I sighed. "Yeah, somewhere. Watch your hooves if you turn them upside-down. It's heavy and metal."

"How heavy could it be? It's been in your shorts."

KLANK

"What is this?"

"It's a car jack. It lifts up about a ton and a half of weight with ease. Mechanical advantages. I love those things. Just put it in here, I'll fix up the rest."

Half a minute later, I freed my head. I dropped the jack back into my shorts and stuck them back on.

"How is that even possible?" asked Celestia.

"How is moving the sun on your own possible?" I retorted, "The answer is magic. The next time I'm stuck in a hole in the wall, don't pull my shorts off."

I ran across the bridge, tripped, then got back up on the other side. "It probably won't collapse." I shouted back, "Just go one at a time."

They advanced across the bridge single file. The winged ponies flew over. Weird how things work out that way.

"Tacotastic!"

"Now there's just more tunnels." said Twilight.

"Take a step forward, everypony."

"Why?"

"If the bridge collapses, the rules of cliché things will signify that it's the right way."

We all took a step, then the bridge collapsed. "Wonderful."

"Now we don't have a way back."

"If that's the way you want to look at things, then yeah, no way back." I said, "Three ways forward."

"Which way do we take?"

"We split up. Three down each tunnel."

"Who's going with who?"

"Dunno. Here comes the fun part. Now, Luna and Celestia, you'll be the team leaders along with me."

"Why aren't I a team leader?" asked Dash.

"If we had four groups, everything'd be all lopsided. There's only three tunnels anyway."

"I mean..."

"Now, whoever do whatever and pick your groups. On a slightly unrelated note, Pinkie, c'mere, I need to talk with you." She bounced over happily. "Now, this is pretty important, and nopony should really know about this until it happens. Keep it to yourself."

"Alright, what is it?"

I leaned in and whispered my plan to her.

"Gotcha."

I stood back up and said, "Now, did you all get your groups?"

"Yeah. I'm taking Twilight and Applejack, Celestia's taking Pinkie Pie and Rarity, and you're taking Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash." said Luna.

"Yeah, cheese fries. If you find something, hit a button on these boxes." I said, handing them each one, "Red is danger, yellow is dead end, orange is another split in the tunnels, green is if something important happens. Luna, Celestia, on the back there's a button that'll teleport your groups to where I am. For me, I can teleport you to me if you are incapacitated or I find the entrance. They're also communicators. First group out gets a prize."

"What kind of prize?"

"Good question. See you in about forty minutes." I said, walking down the tunnel.

We branched off into our respective tunnels. Fluttershy did not take the darkness well. She was breathing quickly and looking around franticly.

"Fluttershy, calm down a notch." I said, "There's nothing here. It's just Rainbow, you, and me. Maybe a rock here and there, but rocks aren't evil. Rainbow, are rocks evil?"

"Not that I know of."

"Rainbow can vouch for that. She may or may not have seen a rock in her life. I'm not certain, but it's a possibility. So calm down."

"I'm sorry. Was I worrying you?"

"Well no, but it's not like I'm gonna have my buddy be scared when there's really nothing scary around here. If you keep freaking out like that, then I'll have no choice but to hug you."

"What?"

"What?"

"I'll do it, I swear. If you find something worth being scared over, tell me, because I would actually like to know."

"What about that?" asked Rainbow.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, it's just a shadow." I said, "Wait a minute... This cave is illuminated by a fixed amount of light everywhere. If it's the same amount of light from every direction, then why is there a shadow at all?"

"It moved!" said Fluttershy, running behind me.

"It would seem so. Quick, where's the nearest forest?"

"What?" asked Rainbow.

"Matter of life and death, where is the nearest forest?"

"It's on the surface." she replied.

"Oh thank god."

"Why does that matter?"

"The last shadows I've seen move, in this case, were swarms of tiny, flesh eating piranhas. They breed in wood. Or maybe they ate wood. Ha, ate wood. No wood here. This is something else."

"What do you think it is?"

"Dark spirit? Spell? Somepony broke the matrix?"

"Dark spirit?" asked Fluttershy fearfully.

"Just because it's dark doesn't mean it's evil. Like Luna. She's dark, but not evil. Don't judge books by their cover. That phrase is confusing. If you're picking out a book, then the first thing you look at is the cover. If you needed a book on, for example, mass panics throughout the ages, then you wouldn't choose a book labeled the making of cheese. Just because it says cheese doesn't mean that there's no mass panics in there. I need to ask Sparkles about this. Topic has been forgotten like a good punch line. Whoever's there, come out!"

The box I had started to beep. I pulled it out of my pocket and said, "Reds on all parties. Damn, we shouldn't have split up. Girls, we may have a problem on our hands."

"Where'd the shadow go?"

I held the box to my face and said, "What's going on at your end?" There wasn't any response. "Better than screams and slashing noises."

I put it away. "Do you two see anything?"

"I don't see anything."

"I don't know if that's good or bad. What should we do now? Do we go back or forward? If we go back, what could we do? We'd have to split up again to help them. Bad idea."

"What do you mean, bad idea? Our friends are in trouble. We need to help them!"

"Rainbow, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in trouble as well. We can't even go back because those moving shadows have blocked our path."

"They're just shadows."

"I don't trust them. Fluttershy... Perfect, she fainted. That's just great. Oh well." I picked her up and put her over my shoulder. "Told ya I'd hug ya. Now, Rainbow, it's just one tunnel all the way down, danger is fast approaching, and I don't know what we can do about it. Just another average day in my life. Lets go."

"But what about..."

"Move it, squishy."

"I'm not squishy."

"Shall we find out?"

"No, that won't be necessary. Why'd you call me squishy?"

"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma."

"What?"

"Precisely."

We kept walking down the tunnel. The shadow was following us at the same speed we were walking. It stopped whenever we stopped. There was definitely something off with it.

"This is boring." said Rainbow.

"Yeah."

"Think there's anything we could do?"

"Not while walking down a dark, single tunnel cave. Emphasis on walking. The cave really has nothing to do with it. We gotta think about this one. Don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

"Didn't you just eat?"

"But that was like twenty minutes ago."

"Exactly!"

"If you're trying to make a point, I'm not seeing it. I just figured out the reason why Fluttershy is so quiet!"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"You can't plan a murder out loud."

"Where does that come from?"

"It makes perfect sense! Little mare, alone on the edge of the forest, not that many visitors. She could get away with anything there."

"So you think Fluttershy's a murderer?"

"It's always the quiet ones. She could lure anypony out there with her cute little face, take them to her shed, then stab their guts out."

"You're sick."

"I embrace the sickness. Tell me, have you ever been in her shed?"

"Well no, but..."

"First thing I'm doing when I get out of here is going in her shed. Second. Third. It's on my list. It's not on my list."

"What do you think's in there?"

"Maybe garden supplies, lawn gnomes, cheese, piles of brains."

"You may be one of the most disgusting creatures I know."

"Yeah? Try the most. That you know, of course. If you knew... well, he made a story, you'd throw up just from hearing what he wrote."

"What did he write?"

"It was a story about a 15 year old kid named Phil going to Equestria."

"Wait a minute..."

"Just kidding. He made a story about you and Pinkie Pie. Having said that much, you know too much, and I feel sick."

"What was the rest of it about?"

"No. Forget I said anything. Quit asking. Eat your cheese."

"C'mon man, I wanna know."

"It was wrong of me to bring it up, and it'll be wrong of me to tell you. Like, against the morals of the world wrong."

"Why?"

"Quit it."

"Not gonna stop."

"Quit it or I'll hug ya."

"You're already using both of your arms to hold on to Fluttershy."

"Still got legs."

"You wouldn't."

"I'll do it."

"No you won't. You're joking."

"You don't know that."

"That... That's weird."

"That's a compliment."

"It really shouldn't be."

"Wh... Where am I?" asked Fluttershy.

I held her in front of me and said, "Morning, sleeping beauty. How'd you sleep?"

"It was ok."

I set her on the ground. "My arms are free now, Rainbow."

"Alright, I'll stop asking."

"What are you talking about?"

"Hugs being a new form of punishment."

Rainbow walked over to Fluttershy and whispered in her ear. Fluttershy looked at me and said, "Um... Could you tell Rainbow Dash about the story? If you don't mind, that is."

"I swear, I'll hug both of you some day. You are going to need these, Fluttershy." I said, handing her some headphones. She put them on. I put a band around her head, covering her eyes. I pulled one headphone off and said, "Keep these on until I take them off."

"Well Rainbow Dash..."

TEN MINUTES LATER

"I didn't know you had that much to eat." I said.

"What kind of sick... Oh god..." She threw up again. "Who would do that?"

"What's that horrible smell?" asked Fluttershy.

I made a waterfall come out from the center of the tunnel. I picked Fluttershy up and set her on my head. "When you're done here, I'll meet you down the tunnel."

After we were a distance from Rainbow, I set Fluttershy down and removed the blindfold and headphones.

"Where's Rainbow Dash?"

"She's back there, cleaning herself up a bit."

"What happened?"

"I told her about the story."

"What does a story have to do with hygiene?"

"Well, she threw up. A few times actually. The story wasn't that good. I gave it a two out of ten."

"She threw up? Is she ok?"

"She's fine. Don't worry about her right now. Trust me."

"If you say so. It must've been a really bad story."

"Yeah. You don't wanna know about it, do you? Please say no."

"Well, not really."

"Oh, thank you. One hour in a cave and I've already traumatized one of my best friends. I don't want another doing the same thing. You might have a heart attack. I'm not kidding."

"Phil, I never want to hear anything like that ever again." said Rainbow. She was absolutely miserable.

"How 'bout a little memory wipe?"

"Please?"

I used the spell on her. "Now, you don't remember the story, but you remember your feelings towards it so you don't ask to hear it again."

"I feel much better."

"I'm not gonna lie, I laughed."

"Phil, you're not the most disgusting thing I know."

"Should I try harder?"

"No! Please, no."

"Good, because I wasn't planning on it. I smell frosting. Do you smell frosting?"

"I smell it." said Fluttershy.

"Don't ask me to smell anything for a while."

"Frosting. Lots of it. Yummy, yummy frosting."

I grabbed Fluttershy and Rainbow and sprinted down the tunnel. I slid to a stop when we reached a large, circular room with three other entrances.

"Dear god..." I dropped the two of them. "A pit of frosting. Just frosting. No cake. No traps. No clothes. No problem."

"No clothes?"

"Hey, can you hear that?"

"They got here before us!"

The other two groups came out of the two nearby tunnels.

"Keep him away from the frosting!"

I dived into the pit. After about a minute, I had consumed more frosting than humans can physically endure.

I was twitching violently. "I feel like I just chugged fifty gallons of coffee."

"Everypony, back!" shouted Pinkie, backing to the wall.

"I dedicate this sugar rush to Cr1TiKaL, who is most certainly touching his nipples right now. Don't use the black box teleport."

PONIES

THIRD POV

"Is everypony ok?" asked Pinkie.

"What was that?"

"He just got a giant boost of energy. Magic made it all crazy sized. He'll be fine in about an hour. Actually, he'll crash and sleep for about a day or two."

"He got a sugar rush?"

"A magic sugar rush. There's a big difference. He left his pack."

"All of your boxes went red and we didn't get an answer when we contacted you. What happened to you?" said Rainbow.

"We were just being followed by a shadow. We got red on our end and tried to talk with you."

"Same thing over here."

"Rainbow, you look horrible." said Pinkie.

"I made Phil tell me a story about you and me. After that, everything's a blur and I threw up a few times."

"What kind of a story would do that?"

"I don't know. He wiped my memory of it. It was so... horrible."

"How could you make Phil tell you that? Really, how? He wouldn't give that bad of a story up so easily."

"I told Fluttershy to ask him."

"That makes sense. You don't look as bad as Rainbow. Why?"

"He made it so I couldn't hear or see anything."

"Alright. If we're going anywhere anytime soon, we need to go now."

"Who made you the boss?" said Rainbow.

"Phil did."

"Why should I listen to him?" asked Celestia, "I take what he says more as recommendations then commands."

"He's the man with the plan."

"And what is this non-existent plan of his?"

"It's on a need to know basis."

"Well I'm the princess, and I need to know."

"He says he supersedes you."

"That arrogant little brat. He can't tell me what to do. C'mon everypony, we're going." she said angrily, walking out of the room via the last tunnel.

"Step one, get Celestia angry at Phil, check." said Pinkie under her breath. She grabbed the bag and put it on her back, then followed the rest of the group.

They walked down the tunnel. The shadow was still following them.

"Does anypony know what's going on with this shadow?"

"Did he tell you anything Pinkie?"

"He said he took care of it, but that was it."

"What's it waiting for?"

"It's not very visible. Maybe it needs more light."

"That's possible."

"Does that mean it'll get stronger when we escape? I mean, when we get to the surface? There's more light up there."

"Maybe."

"So where did Phil go anyways?"

"Dunno. The frosting wasn't in his plans."

"But it was in our plans." said a mysterious voice.

"Who's there?" asked Celestia.

"Show yourself." said Luna.

The shadow surrounded them. Three large ponies appeared from them alongside many smaller ponies. "We're known as The League."

"Just The League? Ran out of names? Or are you new to this evil business?"

"I've heard that name before." said Luna.

"Ah, Nightmare Moon. It would seem that you're purified. How horrible."

"I'm not Nightmare Moon anymore." she replied angrily.

"You know these guys, Luna?" asked Celestia.

"Their ultimate goal is to keep humans out of Equestria using any means possible. Even starting the events of Nightmare Moon."

"Humans are evil creatures. No matter how nice they may seem, they are evil by nature. They'll always go back to it." he said.

"Not all humans are evil. Phil isn't evil."

"How do you know that? He might be good at hiding it."

"He's not evil."

"So far, just today, he's managed to traumatize one of you, deserted you not only once, but twice, and created conflict among friends. If this keeps happening, you'll only get hurt. I'm warning you, stay away from that filthy human."

"He may be filthy, but he's still our friend!"

"What do you have against humans?"

"Every time they come to Equestria, somepony gets hurt. We stop them every chance we get. This new human loosened the hold we have on the barrier between our worlds. Now no less than three humans came through already. The others made one of you cry."

"Yeah, but he was just a jerk." said Rainbow.

A very loud noise was heard. "I'll hug every damn one of you!"

"How did he get in here?" yelled the pony. They all shimmered and disappeared.

"What was that all about?"

"It must've been a hologram."

"He used a hologram? Why? Did he do it to threaten us?"

"Did Phil say anything about this, Pinkie?"

"Nope, nothing."

"What do you think that was at the end?"

"Maybe Phil got in and attacked them."

"Are you sure it was Phil?"

"'I'll hug every damn one of you?' Yeah, it was him."

"That wasn't a good idea."

"Why not? He can take care of himself."

"That group is dangerous."

"Can he handle it on his own?"

"If he crashes, then no."

"I get the feeling that something that shouldn't have happened, just happened."

"Phil was right to question this."

"Let's go. We're not doing any good here."

"Right."

They continued down the path. The shadow wasn't following them anymore. They started to see a light. When they reached it, they saw a sign with some necklaces on them.

"Everypony gets a consolation prize. Wear them or not, your choice, could care less. You already got your super powered bling." Twilight read off, "The prizes for the first group out are at the castle."

"Necklaces?"

"They have our cutie marks on them."

"Hey Fluttershy, we were the first group out." said Rainbow, "What do you think the prize is? Knowing him it's... it's... wow, I really don't know."

"Maybe he'll give ya'll a taco." said Applejack.

"I've always wondered what those were. They're some kind of food, but I never really saw myself eating them." said Twilight.

"I really don't think it's a taco." said Celestia.

"Why not?"

"He has something else in mind."

"How do you know?"

"Well, I know he wouldn't give us a taco. I wouldn't let him at least. No subject of mine will eat those while I have a say in it. End of discussion."

"Well, if it's not that, what is it?"

"We'll have to find out."

"Then let's speed it up." said Rainbow.

"Alright then."

"Where are we anyways?"

"I believe this is another entrance to the diamond mines."

"How did we get here from Luna's room?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe we could ask Phil when he wakes up."

"We'll probably get random gibberish and something that doesn't remotely make sense."

"Or maybe the perfect explanation."

"Both are very likely at this point."

"Anypony listening?"

"What was that?"

"It's one of the boxes Phil gave us."

Celestia grabbed hers and said, "Who's there?"

"It's Derpy. We're muffined on this end. Phil just crashed and he's more lifeless than a door. Also he was only wearing his underwear and had a cone on his head for some reason. He was shouting something about a spirit dragon. I think he was serious. Listen, we have bigger problems right now. Discord took over Canterlot."

"But Phil said..."

"Yeah, he lied, he does that. Reminds me of someone I know." she said.

"It's rule one." said Doctor Whooves.

"Phil said that he doesn't trust anything that can rip apart a life-long friendship while laughing about it."

"Why didn't he tell us?"

"You can ask him when you see him next. Right now he's trapped by The League. They must've ran out of available names or something. I need to go."

"Wait Derpy! Did Phil tell you about Dinky?"

"What happened to my little muffin?"

"They took her. She's a statue in this cave."

A high-pitched noise came from the box followed by a spark of electricity. A series of loud explosions was heard from Canterlot, which was miles away.

"How'd we get so far away from Canterlot and what was that?"

VWORP-VWORP-VWORP

"Do you know what you've just done?" shouted Doctor Whooves, "She wasn't happy to hear that at all! There's no stopping her now!"

"What do we do now?"

"The only thing we can do, wait it out."

More explosions were heard.

"Has this happened before?"

"Nothing nearly this powerful, ever."

"Phil said he had tranquilizer. Will that work?" said Pinkie.

"Not unless we have a whole lot of it."

Pinkie looked in the bag and grabbed bottle after bottle of tranquilizer. After a minute, she said, "Is this enough?"

"How did he fit all of that in that bag?"

"The only explanation he would ever give is magic."

"That's not enough. Why does he have that much tranquilizer?"

"I don't know."

"Let me take a look at that bag."

She handed the bag over to him. He looked inside, then said, "This isn't normal."

"Suits Phil perfectly then."

"Look at this. He's got everything he would need at any given time. He's even got the Elements of Harmony in here."

"But we're wearing the Elements."

"Then he must've switched them. He's got at least three months worth of food, everything from tacos to peanut butter."

"There's tacos in there?"

"He said he didn't pack peanut butter."

"Hey Doctor, could you get out one of those tacos?"

"Why?"

"I want to know what it is."

"No. It's human food. It's not good for ponies. He's even got dolls of all of you six."

"He what?"

"Strange. Did he pack his whole room in here?"

"Squishy? Are you there?"

"Stop calling me Squishy!" she replied through the box, "What happened to you?"

"That sugar crash was total balls. They got me alright. Derpy is very pissed. You should've waited to tell her about Dinky. She's like... on par with the Bad Wolf. Let's call her the Mad Muffin. Ha-ha, Mad Muffin. Anyways, I gave The League a new name within three seconds. League Of Super Evil. L.O.S.E. I mean, seriously, they must've run out of names. Off topic. You asked what happened to me. Well, I crashed, then they captured me and put me in a cage. They are turning the inhabitants into statues alongside Discord. Could've stopped him... What these ponies are trying to do, I agree with. Humans are the worst thing to happen to Equestria since... it was made. I do not, however, like them trying to dispose of me like a test subject gone wrong. If they want a fight, they've got one. Thing is, I can't fight right now. It's kinda hard just staying awake. Hey Doctor, could you grab the awake version of me in three days and bring him here? Of course you can. The real question is, does it mess up the timelines?"

"Yes, this could create a paradox."

"I'll even leave this weird dude alone. I'll try my best to not affect him. The way I see it, if you get him before he can interact with anything, then he'll be there fixing up everything."

"It's too risky."

"Ok, new plan. You got the Elements, just zap things and see what happens. Also, Doctor, start that plan I discussed with you in five days. Now, I'm going to apologize in advance for what you all have to do now. And Fluttershy, you'll have to be angry for a while. Oh, Derpy's down. Hey, Derpy."

"Hi Phil."

"I'll hug every last one of you. Goodnight, everypony."

"Phil? Phil! What do we do now?"

"Doctor, what plan is this?"

"Sorry, I can't help you right now. There's a thing at a place. It can't wait. I'm sorry. If you need help, talk to Derpy. Later, not now, give her a minute to rest." he said. He ran into the TARDIS with a few things from the bag, then dematerialized.

"What did he take?"

"I don't know, I couldn't see."

"Well, get the real Elements from the bag. We'll do what Phil said."

"Um..."

"He took them, didn't he?"

"Doctor Whooves just took the Elements of Harmony?"

"We can bicker about that later. Right now, we have to formulate a plan." said Twilight.

"But what can we do?"

"We may not have the Elements, but we're not powerless."

Luna reached into the bag and pulled out the pistol. "We're going to storm the castle." she said.

"What?" they all said.

"We don't have any other plan. You're right, we're not powerless. We go in and kill anything that stands in our way. He said they were soul-less. We're going to save Phil and Derpy, and by extent, Equestria."

"Can we do that?"

"I don't know."

"What else is in that bag?"

"A full arsenal of weapons and some lightweight armor. More than enough equipment to kill everypony in Equestria alone. He's been preparing for a war."

"Where does he get these things?"

"Everypony, suit up. Take as much as you need." said Celestia.

They all grabbed what they needed from the bag. They were all equipped with full body armor and a few weapons of various uses.

"How do we use these things?"

"Um... I don't know."

"When he used the spell, we used them easily. How did we forget?"

Fluttershy fired a round into the air. "You point them and think of shooting." she said.

Rainbow pointed hers in front of her and shot at a tree. "Good job, Fluttershy." she said.

"We're gonna meet an incredible amount of resistance if we go in normally. I say we split up." said Celestia.

"I'll take Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack with me." said Luna, "We'll go around the back and free Phil."

"We'll distract them from the front." said Celestia.

"It'll get dark soon. The perfect cover."

"We get to our positions, then attack in the morning."

"Right. We need to rest."

"What about the pack?"

"There's a bag for each of us in there. We can fill them up with what we need, then we'll take it to Phil." said Luna.

"This bag has too many uses for one device."

"Look at that, the peanut butter was in the mini-fridge. He has a mini-fridge?"

"Apparently."

They all grabbed their bags and filled them up. Luna put the pack on her back.

"Luna."

"Yeah?"

"Come back safe."

"You too, Tia."

The two groups went their separate ways. Luna headed to the back of Canterlot. Celestia went to the front. They waited in the forest until the morning.

> Chapter 26
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Y'know, Derpy, that little mixture you made really hits the spot." I said, "Great for clearing sugar crashes."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Now I just have to send it through time. We can literally take care of that whenever we want. I'll get it in ten years maybe. Now's a better idea so I don't forget."

I grabbed the pen from my shoe and wrote the note. I used the time spell on it. "That was a paradox. I just created a real temporal paradox. Not like it doesn't happen all the time. Now, the cage."

"It's indestructible."

"Hmm... Can you fit through these bars?"

"I think so. If I tried hard enough."

"Actually, I'll just gnaw through the bars like Luffy."

"Whoa, there! You can't just go around eating metal."

"Right. Luffy chewed through wooden bars. This gives me an idea."

"Will it help us in any way at all?"

"Not likely."

"Well, what was it?"

"I was planning on putting Derpy on my head."

"Neat plan."

I picked her up and set her on my head. "That was a better plan that I thought it would be."

"Why's that?"

"Now I have Derpy on my head. Quite possibly the best known outcome that could've happened with any given plan at any time during any situation."

She giggled.

"We have to get out of here. Truth be told, this is my first fate of the world deal."

"What makes you so sure it's the fate of the world?"

"LOSE is acting like the Reapers,

Eating everything affected by a paradox. In this case, the paradox would be me. They're blanking the memories of everypony who interacted with me. I'd rather be dead than have my friends forget me. I have affected so many ponies that nearly all of Equestria has heard of the 'princess-killing human.' Derpy, how do we get out of here?"

"Dunno. We need a key."

"In five days, I'll tell the Doctor to take the Elements out of my bag and hold on to them for safekeeping. I'm gonna tell him to get us out of here as well. No, timelines. That rules him out."

"I can't see anything that could help us."

"Just you and me. Wait a minute..."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Most certainly not."

"What are you thinking?"

"M things. Many M things."

"Well, we weren't thinking the exact same thing."

"How 'bout you?"

"I could get out of here and find a key to free you."

"What if they catch you?"

"You've seen enough comics to know that I can't get caught."

"Aren't you in a cage right now?"

"Now that you mention it, yes."

"We still don't know if you can fit."

"But we'll find out."

"Fo' shizzle. Now, the head of your average pony is the largest part of her body."

"Why do you say that?"

"After hours of staring at art of ponies, I can accurately deduce that to be true. Unlike a human, ponies bodies are long and narrow. No shoulders to get in the way. I could escape if I didn't have these damn arms."

Derpy put her head on the cage and tried to push her head through it. She managed to get her head through, but didn't move any further out. "I'm stuck."

"What a coincidence, I got my head stuck in something not more than an hour ago."

She pulled her head very violently. "I'm stuck. Like, really stuck."

"Hang on, I'll get my jack. Which pocket was it in?" I reached into my shorts and got my jack. "Don't move, this shouldn't hurt a bit."

"Without being able to see behind me, that sounds weird."

I put the jack sideways between the bars, then opened it up enough for her to pull her head out. As soon as her head was free, the bars snapped back together and broke the jack.

"Aw man, I had so many plans with this thing."

"I'm sure you didn't."

"Yeah, I didn't. If we can't get out that way, then let's pick the lock."

"You don't have a lockpick."

"As a matter of fact, I do have one. It's in my shoelaces."

"That's smart."

"Yeah it is. Do you know how to pick locks?"

"No."

"Well, the lockpick won't help then."

"Why do you have it?"

"Might be trapped with somepony who could use it."

"Why didn't you learn how?"

"I got lazy. So there's no way out."

"I guess not."

"Now why did you get stuck? You could've went forward when I opened it, but you came back in."

"I don't know about that one. This metal molded itself back into shape."

"Yeah. No metal is this crazy. Scratch that, at least three are. Stuck in a cage with Derpy. After today, I have realized that some dreams can come true. Now, assets..."

"We're stuck in a cage with nothing."

"Well, that conversation went by in a flash. Pockets, Ipod and emergency box, not useful. Socks, empty. Shoes, lockpick and pen. Shirt, just a shirt. Well, it appears that luck is not with us."

"What do you wanna do now?"

I pulled out my iPod and said, "Wanna listen to music?"

"Nothing else to do."

"Sweet. Lay down a notch. Or not. I'm gonna. Take an earbud."

I sat down against the bars and handed her an earbud. She sat down next to me and I started a song. I half paid attention to most of the things around us.

After about an hour of sitting and doing nothing, I noticed that Derpy had fallen asleep against me. "She's on my arm. Goodbye, circulation. There's nothing cuter than a sleeping pony. Except Fluttershy. A sleeping filly. Filly Luna. Sleeping filly Fluttershy. Whoa, am I trying to kill myself? Humans can't take that level of d'aww."

I took the earbud out of her ear and put it all away. "Yeah, cheese-whiz. Bacon flavored cheese-whiz. I miss bacon. Nothing to do until I fall asleep. Left alone with my brain. I can't be alone with this guy. I know what he does."

'Phil, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna eat your parents.'

"I'd like to see you try. Really, you can't eat that much in one go."

'Give it time.'

"You're one crazy surgically inserted thinking device."

'Shouldn't have told them if they could find it, they could keep it when they asked to look at me.'

"Who would've known that they were organ runners?"

'Crazy, I know. I mean, surgery in a dark alleyway with dirty tools and a bloody hacksaw. What could've possibly gone wrong?'

"It was totally legit."

'Should've sprung for the gills. They take lungs now, gills arrive in three weeks. Nothing could've failed with that idea.'

"I hate fish, remember?"

'No, you traded memory for insanity.'

"Oh yeah. Still the best idea I've ever had."

'But being the leader of the Digidestined, I knew exactly what to do.'

"Wait a minute..."

'I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die.'

"You aren't the leader of the Digidestined. You don't even have goggles. Marcus sucked. All of DDS sucked." I said, "No answer, huh? I win this round." I yawned. "What was that, fourteen hours? Yeah, I guess it's time for sleep. Night, Derpster." I put my other arm behind my head and fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of gunfire and the screams of the not-so-innocent. "It's eleven, so they must've started a while back. I hope they're safe. Please be safe. If anything comes from today, I want it to be my friends."

Derpy was still sleeping, impossibly cute. "C'mon Derpy, up."

She didn't move. I grabbed the emergency box and pulled out the muffin inside. I waved it in front of her nose, then almost lost a finger when she ate it.

"What's up?"

"Our friends are here."

"Do we have to wake up now?"

"Not really, but with you on my arm, I couldn't move."

"Why didn't you just move me?"

"You were too cute to move."

"I'll move when we leave."

"I guess. Not like we can get out of here on our own anyways."

"Just let 'em get here first."

"Alright."

"Music?"

"Good plan." I started some songs for us again. "I almost forgot, did I get any mail recently?"

"Nope."

"Neat."

Somepony knocked on the door. I shouted, "Tacos!"

"It's Phil alright." The door opened and Luna, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy ran in.

"Hey Derpy, look!" I said.

"Hello everypony!" she said happily.

"Do you have a key?" I asked them.

"No, we didn't find one." said Luna.

"Pinkie, here's a lockpick." I said, handing it to her. She quickly opened the cage and I walked out with Derpy on my back. "They need pillows in here, or something. I am not recommending this hotel to anypony. How'd ya do?"

"Well, we aren't dead yet."

"Awesome. Where's the rest of you?"

"They're distracting the rest of them in the front of Canterlot. Here's your pack."

She gave me the bag and I pulled out a pistol and some armor. "Derpy, suit up."

"Right." She got some equipment from the bag.

"What about you, Phil?" asked Luna.

"I'll be fine. I promised, remember?"

"Just one weapon?" asked Applejack.

"It's all I need. Now, we need to help Celestia. The quickest route is always a straight line."

"We're gonna fly over?"

"That's a good one. I was thinking of a more direct route." I tapped the walls in various positions, then placed my hand on the wall and tore it down.

"C'mon, we gotta go help Celestia."

We all ran through the hole. After about fifteen minutes of weaving through and destroying buildings, we saw their group fighting soldiers.

"Lets do this, LLLLEEEEERRROOOOYYYY JJJJJEEEENNNNKKKIIIINNNSSS!"I shouted.

We tore through their line of defense like a piece of paper. Around ten minutes later, we were on our way to the castle. We received no opposition on our way there. As soon as we got there, I grabbed two rolls of duct tape on rollers from the bag.

"I'm a horrible person." I said.

I grabbed the door and ripped it off of it's hinges, then shouted, "Do you want hard shell or soft shell tacos?"

"Welcome!" said Discord.

"Answer the question."

"Hard shell?"

"I didn't pack any tacos."

"Enough with the trivial. We all know why we're here today."

"Was there a deeper meaning? I'm just here to save Equestria. How about you? Discord, ultimate goal is causing chaos. You've managed to do that quite well. Feel proud, be happy. The LOSE, ultimate goal is purging Equestria of all humans in every way possible. Memory wipe and killing the human. Now Discord I have little problem with. I've thought of a way to deal with him. As of now that plan is being executed by Doctor Whooves, as well as plans B and 3." However, I do not take kindly to terrorizing Equestria due to the fact that I'm here. Humans are a horrible species. I know, I've dealt with them."

"Humans are not tolerated in Equestria."

"Now, I get that. All I'm asking you to do is leave me alone. We both know what's going to happen here. The protagonist always wins, eventually. If I have to make a new story, then so be it. It'll be beating a dead horse, but my tacos know no bounds. We both walk out of this one without a scratch. Bit anti-climatic if you ask me, but we'll all be safe. No bullet wounds or compound fractures."

"Not gonna happen."

"Alright, prepare for a lot of stinging." I said, holding up my tape rollers. Discord laughed. "What's so funny?"

"It's your choice of weaponry."

"Try not to aim for vital organs. If you can help it." I said, "If you need me, I'll be breaking the laws of physics."

"Wait, what?"

"Yes. When this is all over, I'll see you in the hospital, because that's where I'll be. Most likely. I'm always there anyways. Grunked up arm, leg, wing, cheese. All the time. Off subject. Need to work on that. Eventually. Losing focus. Losing interest. Can we do this tomorrow?"

"What? No!"

"Why not? You're bummin' me out, bruh."

"We settle this here and now."

"Settle this... excellent choice of words. That means that either outcome would be possible. Now, can't it be possible tomorrow? It should. I am losing interest faster than I lose my lunch after teleporting. Speaking of lunch, lunch time."

I reached into my bag and grabbed about forty sammiches. "If anypony's hungry grab one. Hey, I recognize that sound! Whooves is back."

"Where are we?"

"Just get out."

I reached back into my bag and pulled out a pony. "Vinyl Scratch! How have you been?" I said happily.

"How did I even get here? What just happened?"

"Don't worry, you're fine."

"That you, Phil?"

"Course it is, I'm the only human round these parts. I hope I am at least. 'less I'm not a human right now. Nope, human. At least three percent."

"What about the other 97%?"

"Nuclear waste and other forms of radiation."

"That's unsafe."

I set her on my head and laughed. "I just imagined myself as a toxic waste monster. My Little Rads: Friendship is Uranium. Something along those lines. It needs to be done. Everypony would be nuclear waste monsters. Hmm... more research will be done. My train of thought derailed, killed seven people, and hit a children's hospital."

"Why did you put me up here?"

"I put ponies on my head now."

"Why?"

"Yeah."

"Huh?"

"Yes."

"But that..."

"Don't you lie to me!"

"I wasn't..."

"I'll hug ya, I'll do it."

"You'll hug me?"

"My train of thought has been known to kill before. Hmm... kill... In Daring Doo and the quest for the sapphire stone, the lava was rising and she was scared of it. That means that deaths exist. Being scared of lava means that being burned alive exists. During Spike's little dragon-teen escapade, he belly flopped onto lava. The other dragon said that a pony couldn't survive that. This does nothing but further prove my point. Hospitals exist, so horrid injuries happen, and ponies would die every day. Proving that incredible sadness exists. What was my point again? Ah yes, proving once and for all that I like tacos. This is gonna be a tough one."

"Kid, shut up."

"Now, getting angry won't help your cause. It'll only quicken your punishment."

"What is the point of this whole speech?"

"To make you lose interest. I suggest you sit there and listen, because if not, I'll blow your kneecaps to kingdom come. Trust me on this one, it hurts. Not nearly as much as stepping on a lego, but... anyways, tacos."

"What's a lego? You've mentioned it before." asked Luna.

"I'll hug ya! Wait, that question was answerable. Legos are miniaturized polyurethane foot decimators. I'll still hug ya."

"Um..."

I sat down on the ground and said, "I am so bored! Not even an epic battle scene would fix that. I just got an idea!"

"Is it of any use to anypony at this time?"

"Doubt it. Alright, I'm gonna need the biggest steam driven generator on this side of Mexico."

"Mexico?"

"It's a country, try and keep up, would you? It's tough being on another page. Scratch that, I'm onto the new book already. You wouldn't believe how many ponies are dead. I'm just on the first chapter! I'm gonna blame Twilight for that one. They'll never find any evidence and I'll be miles away by then."

"What are you talking about?"

"We should buy a cow and ride it to Canada. Just purchase a cow... and ride it... to Canada. We could put rockets on it. It'll go like... 15mph!"

"I'm... I'm legitimately starting to lose interest."

"I wanna hear Morgan Freeman say titty sprinkles. It would be hilarious."

"What?"

"I think anypony saying titty sprinkles would be funny." said Pinkie, "Titty sprinkles."

"Like that. My give-a-fuck-o-meter has reached zero. I lost interest in making you lose interest. I'm going to bed." I took Vinyl off my head. "You're here to show me that plan A worked. Plan B is now being executed. Good job, Vinyl! Now, unless you have something to do here, get a helmet from the bag and go home. Also whatever else you want. I don't care, I don't need any of it."

"I don't wanna go home, I wanna help."

"Then get a gun. Preferably something you can carry. Or at the very least, mount and use."

"What the hell is this thing?" she said, crawling in the bag.

"That's what she said. What are you looking at?"

"It just moved!"

"There's not supposed to be something alive in there."

"You also said there wasn't any peanut butter. There was, in the mini-fridge."

"Move your sexy ass over, Vinyl Scratch!" I shouted.

I dived in the bag and grabbed the peanut butter, then tossed it out and jumped out after it. "Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter." I chanted happily. I tried to open it, but failed miserably. "Don't tell me I came all this way and it's jammed. It can't end like this!"

I tried to bite open the jar then slammed it against the ground. I threw it right at the leader of The League and it smacked him in the face. I ran up, grabbed it, and slammed it against his head again. I threw it against the ground and it bounced back up, hitting my chin.

"Rise guy, eh?" I said to the jar. "It's not opening. Night, everypony."

"But..."

"I'll hug you too. And you, and you. Not you, fuck you, I'm not hugging you. It hasn't been more than say... thirty minutes since I woke up. Thirty minutes into the day and I'm already bored out of my mind. Alright, hands, hooves, appendages in the air if you wanna do this in a civil manner. Four? Only four? Out of... 9+1+3. Hold on, let me get my calculator."

"Um, that's..."

"Quiet, I'm thinking. Alright. 9+1+3... Carry da one. I got 82. Can anypony tell me how I managed to fuck up so bad that I didn't get anything close to logical?"

"Phil, it's 13."

"You see this? This is why people think magic is evil."

"What?"

"I'm so off topic it's not even funny anymore. Maybe if I had some fucking peanut butter everything would become clear!"

"I'll get it." said Twilight. She opened the jar and gave it to me.

"What is this black magic fuckery!"

"Excuse me?"

"I don't know where I am right now. I'm not caring about anything. What's the point of wearing clothes anymore? I don't even know. I just got an idea."

"Here we go again."

"Not like that. A legitimate idea. Could it work? It... it could work! Yes! It's good. So simple, yet so effective. Twilight, Luna, this way."

"Alright, what do you need?"

"Now we're getting to the good part." said Pinkie.

"Yes we are." I replied, "This way." They both walked over to me. "Now, we're going to get rid of this nuisance once and for all, what do you say?"

"That's great!"

"But how do we do it?"

"If you've been paying the slightest attention to what's been going on, you'll have noticed that they didn't retaliate when I beat him with the peanut butter. They're bummed out already. Everything I've said has made complete sense in it's own little way. That being said, you two have paid the most attention. Now, we're going to make a barrier around them."

"Will that work? They're crafty." said Luna.

"It has to. I've racked my brains for the past two hours awake thinking about a plan. It didn't work in the slightest. Holy hell, I can still snap my fingers." I said, looking at my hand with incredible alertness.

"Topic."

"Lost, got it. Long story short, I didn't have a plan. Let's do this thing."

"Right."

"How do we pull it off?"

"Haven't thought that far ahead."

"Yes you have!" said Pinkie.

"Quiet you rubber-alloy pony."

"It's like you scripted everything in the future. Even that was scripted! And that, and that."

"And then Pinkie shut up, right?"

"No silly, I don't shut up for a while!"

"Good. Now, if you'll ignore me, I'll just walk over here." I said, gesturing the two of them around the target.

All three of us moved into a triangular position. Everypony's attention was fixed upon me. I started up the spell. They prepared for what they didn't know was coming. "If you believe what I am about to say..."

"Nope!" said one of the three members, "Before you start talking, I'm out. I'm going home. I've had enough of this." He walked out the door in a huff. The last words I caught were, "Sick of this crap."

"Ragequit." I said plainly, "As I was saying..."

I snapped my fingers and we all used our spell. It made a circle around them, then changed into a sphere. "I don't know what I was saying."

"You've managed to trap them. Good job. Now what about me?" asked Discord, "With this special plan of yours."

"Vinyl Scratch!"

"What?" she asked surprised, "Ow! I hit my head."

"What did you hit it on?"

"No idea. Why didn't you tell me you had all this stuff?"

"Because of reasons. Get out of there before you get stuck in the wires."

"Little late for that."

"Well give me your glasses then."

"You already took them once!"

"I need them again."

"Why?"

"I had Doctor Whooves fuse the Elements of Harmony to them temporarily."

"Why would you do that?"

"It sounded funny at the time."

"Fine, but I need them back." she said, tossing them out. She crawled out of the bag with a helmet, a gun, and a few other items.

I grabbed the glasses and threw them to Twilight. "Magic!" I said.

"Magic?"

"Oh no, not again."

"Magic."

"Magic!" I shouted.

Magic happened, then I used a spell and Discord turned to stone in a badass pose. "There was no point to that. There was never any point to that. There will never be a point to that."

I snapped my fingers again and the glasses teleported to Vinyl's head. "Have I ever told anypony how much I love snapping my fingers? No. Anyways, you! Get your asses out of here." I said to the ponies in the barrier.

"I don't think we can."

"Good. Now, I need about fifteen minutes to think. After which, we'll fix the remaining problems and after that... explanations. Lots of them."

> I AM SO SORRY
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Morbo the Annihilator here. Welcome to Tea with Titans. Thank you for joining us!" I shouted, sitting in a small wooden chair with a table in front of me.

"What?"

"Wrong channel."

"Again, what?"

"You guys... The ones in the bubble. You are most certainly a problem."

"So what's your plan with us?"

"Dunno. A group this old is either powerful or vast in numbers. Or a combination of the two. Jail simply wouldn't work."

I shot my gun at the door and heard a scared yelp. "Into the bubble with you." I said, "Like you would just leave."

"That actually makes sense."

"You lie! You're lying!"

"But..."

"So... Wait, I know!"

"Really?"

"I mean it this time!"

"That's a first."

"Yes it is. Frightening. I could bring them to the human world and let the problem sort itself out."

"You wouldn't dare!" he shouted.

"But it would involve me going back as well. Oh well. That aside, is there anything you ponies could think of?"

"We could put them in the special cells in the dungeon." said Celestia.

"What makes them so special? They're not that kind of special, are they?"

"No, they're closer to isolation cells than that."

"Maybe. How's it gonna keep these clowns from escaping?"

"Don't call us clowns."

"Shut up."

"It's deep underground. It was originally made to keep Discord contained. It's got magic barriers, thick walls, you name it."

"Sounds great. So why wasn't it used?"

"We never needed it. We discovered the Elements before it was completed."

"There's another problem. The other members."

"There aren't any other members."

"Do you concur, Luna?" I asked.

"As far as I know, these are the last members."

"Well, that seemed to solve itself." I said, "Hmm..."

"What's up?"

"Is that it?" I said.

"What do you mean?"

"They could've easily recruited more members. There are most likely some other ponies who don't like humans. Hell, I don't even like humans. With all their advances in the fields of science, technology, and medicine. It's like humans are alive or something. Strange. When did you get here?" I asked, pointing at Pinkie.

"I've been here the whole time, silly."

"Strange. Nah, I like my idea better. I hear that. So in other news, I'm out." I stood up and snapped my fingers. "I still like doing this. C'mon, you bubble-beings. You're going to the human world."

"Don't you dare." he said.

"I don't really think you have much of a choice here. I'm the one with the gun." I said, spinning it around on my finger. The trigger got pulled and a bullet whizzed past my head. "That was not good. Maybe I should stop screwin' around."

I put the gun back in the bag and started walking away. "Wait a minute, where is the portal back home?"

'Good question.'

"Thanks brain."

'I don't know what you're talking about, I have nothing to do with this.'

"You got me into this mess, now find a way out of it."

"Uh... Phil, who are you talking to?" asked Pinkie.

"I'm talking to my brain."

"Your brain?"

"Yes. He's the one who stuck with me all this time shouting, 'No you stupid little shit! That is not what we do with that. Put it down and focus on the subject at hand.' Or something like that. Fella's a real bro."

'Spoken like a true champ.'

"Aw yeah..."

'Shut up kid.'

"No you shut up."

'Shut up man, or I'll sick the heart on you.'

"You wouldn't."

'Don't tempt me. I have nothing to lose at this point.'

"You sick, evil monster."

'Shut up, or I swear, that heart is gonna do stuff.'

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Just don't do it."

"Did your brain just threaten you?" asked Pinkie.

"Yeah."

"C'mon, just let us out of here and we won't do it again." they said.

"You dug this hole yourself. And I pushed the dirt in on top of you. Let's go."

'But where are we going?'

"Damn, that is a good question. The portal in White-tail closed up when those Russians took down their portal. Russians are neat. The other portal is only one way. It said so on that paper. Twilight, if a portal is opened right here right now, do you think it would be stable enough to go through with these ponies?"

"I guess."

"Awesome. Could you do?"

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Why not?"

"All that stuff you said about the portal collapsing. What if it happened?"

"Billions would die." said Luna.

"So no pressure." I said, "Just kidding. I lied. Nothing was happening. All that stuff you may or may not have heard and or saw were all me."

"Why would you lie about something like that?"

"It made everything more exciting. I lied, so sue me. So could you do it?"

"Well, I suppose."

"Sweet. Get it going. In the meantime... Uh... I... Hold on, don't tell me. I can do this, don't tell me. Uh... Um... Anyways, who's up for lunch?"

"It hasn't even been an hour yet."

"Alright Phil, it's ready." said Twilight.

"Alright then. Well, I will see you monday." I said.

I kicked the force field around them towards the portal Twilight opened. They disappeared when they touched it. "Efficient." I said.

I walked towards it, then turned around. "Be back in a few minutes or three. I gotta take care of some stuff."

I jumped back through the portal. I landed back in the abandoned building. The ponies had changed into humans, still in the force field. I stared at them.

"Well guys, I guess this is it then." I said, removing the bubble.

They fell to the ground, angry at me. They had trouble standing. "Why did you do this?"

"I don't know, ask Jeff. Wait, who's Jeff? Regardless, do whatever you want. I don't care. Hell, kill people for all I care. You're magic. It's easy! Almost too easy. Be careful around people in camouflage though. When the army comes after you, I don't think I can help you. Good luck with whatever you plan on doing."

"You don't care?"

"Hell no! Why should I?"

"Because you're a human."

I shrugged. "Just try not to get yourself killed. Yet. Maybe after two weeks. Yeah, you could kill an entire town in two weeks. Regardless..."

They all stared at me. "So that's it?"

"Uh... Yeah, that's it. If you'll excuse me..."

I climbed back up into the rafters. I stared at where the portal was. It was already closed. It wasn't gonna let itself open again, not even if I bribed it with 372,844 pancakes.

"Been a fun year. Be seeing ya."

The ponies on the floor left. I walked out of the building and went back home. "Gonna miss those fluffy freaks. Man, what a heartless bastard I am. Denying them a real goodbye."

'You did the place-word-here thing.'

"Eh."

'Eh.'

"Good point."

'That was probably enough.'

"Yeah. Regardless, at least I can still watch them on the TV."

'And the internet.'

"And the Canada!"

'Yus!'

"Well... that was fun."