Brony in Equestria: The Tacoing

by Omega Dracomancer

Escape from Canterlot

I woke up with a thud. "Damn it Dash, stop crashing into the trees I sleep under!" I said, irritated. There was no Dash, there wasn't even a tree. I was inside, next to a bed. "Ha! I fell off my bed. Why was I on a bed?"

"I brought you here." said Luna, leaning over the side of the bed.

"Neat. Were you sleeping up against me?" She looked away. "Neat." I tried to pull out my iPod. "Oh yeah, left it at the party."

"Left what at the party?"

"Something, see you in a few minutes, probably." I said.

I walked to where the party had been and it was a total disaster. A few ponies were sleeping on the floor and I had to step around them. I got to the stage and Vinyl was sleeping over a dj system. She was just so cute. I grabbed my iPod and checked the time. "Ten. Eh, don't have to do anything until tonight. Back to sleep." I slipped the iPod back into my pocket and walked back to Luna.

"How's it going?" I asked when I walked in.

"Pretty good, what did you get?"

I got my iPod out. "My iPod. Anyways, it's only ten, too early to get up, so I'm going back to sleep." I started to walk out to sleep outside.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Outside so I can sleep. I was gonna dive out the window but Nurse Redheart told me not to fly for a week."

"Why don't you lay down here?" she asked, gesturing to the bed.

"If you say so." I said. I laid on the bed and put an earbud in one of my ears. I clicked shuffle and put my hand, and hoof, behind my head.

"What is that?" asked Luna, pointing to the other earbud.

"It's an earbud, exactly like headphones. Listening to music right now. Wanna listen?" I asked.

"Sure." she said, taking the other earbud.

I restarted the song and we listened to it together. She had a neat reaction. Neat. "That was... nice." she said when it ended.

"I got one specifically about you, wanna hear it?"

"Specifically about me?"

I played Nightmare Night and listened to it with her. "Neat huh?"

"Uh..." After the song ended, she thought it over. "Did they say favorite princess?"

"Absolutely. How did you manage to single out that one thing? Y'know what, never mind.

"I'm that well known in your world, to become someponys favorite princess?"

"You're my favorite princess."

"What did you say?"

"You're my favorite princess."

"Really?" she asked happily.

"Yeah."

"Why? Why me and not my sister. I was the one who was evil at one point."

"You're my favorite because you're mysterious. You use Gothic themes and I love those things, and you're blue, that's neat. The main reason is because you bring the night. I love looking at the night sky. I can't very well look at the day sky, I've tried, it doesn't work. The night is more beautiful than the day." I said, "And besides, you're neat."

"Thank you Phil." she said, nuzzling up against me.

"One more thing, if you dwell in the past, you'll forget your future."

"That is a nice saying."

'Neat.' I thought, falling asleep.

I woke up and Luna was already gone. I packed my iPod away and got up. "Get me some food time." I walked random directions until I found a kitchen. Nopony was inside so I walked in and opened a pantry. I took some food out and made myself breakfast, or lunch. "Time, two." I said.

I cleaned up the supplies I used and walked out just as a pony walked in. "Afternoon." I said, walking away. He looked at me for a little longer and closed the door behind him. I exited the castle and materialized a guitar. "1, 2, 3, 4." I said, starting off another song.

I walked around, playing the song, until I reached a stage. I looked back, I had attracted quite the crowd with my music. I slung the guitar over my shoulder and said, "More?" The ponies clapped and cheered.

I hopped on stage and thought of a song to play. I got some in my head that they might have liked and that were pony friendly.

I finished the last song that I would play and when they stopped cheering I said, "That went way better than expected. You've been a great audience, see you whenever."

I hopped off of the stage and walked in a random direction. The ponies around me were telling me that the performance was awesome and more stuff like that. In the back of the audience was Vinyl, who was smiling and waving. I hopped over to her and said, "How ya been for the past few hours?"

"Been doing pretty good. Didn't expect to see you on stage."

"Me either, I was playing a song while I walked around and attracted a crowd. I ended up at the stage, then that happened."

"You should keep doing this kind of stuff man!"

"Maybe is my final answer."

"I don't get it."

"You staying in Canterlot long?"

"Yeah, I got stuff I want to do."

"Neat."

"Why'd you ask?"

"I'm staying too, so I might as well have asked."

"What are you staying for?"

"You probably don't want to know." I said.

"What if I do?"

"You'll find out eventually, it's gonna be something earth-shatteringly large."

"You, human, you're wanted for attempted murder of the Princess!" said a guard running towards me with a large platoon of soldiers behind him.

"Phil! Did you try to kill the Princess?" asked Vinyl, backing away.

"No." I said seriously. I turned to the guards and held my hands in front of me, "I surrender."

"Can we trust him captain?" asked a pony in the squadron.

"We have no choice." he replied. "Restraints!"

A group of ponies exited the squad with a large amount of body restraints. "This is gonna be hell." I said to myself. They attached them to me and severely restricted my movement. "They can't be too sure it would seem. Then again, I could still escape from these." They put a small metal ring around my horn, probably to restrict my magic flow, and locked my wings together. "Be careful back there! I cracked that yesterday!" I said.

"Shut up murderer, you have no place to talk after what you tried." he said, stepping on my wing.

I head butted him and threw him off of my back. "I told you to be careful." I said angrily.

The rest of the guards got ready to attack and I kneeled down, confusing them. "Take me where ever." I said, then I thought, 'If I'm convicted, I'll just hightail my ass out of there before they can blink. Well, they may not want to blink. I've seen statues nearby."

They took me to the castle and threw me in a dungeon. "I'm innocent!" I yelled.

"Shut up! The cook saw you walk out of the kitchen and the Princess had ingested a powerful poison. You're the prime suspect in this case."

"Of course. My appetite got me into trouble yet again, and this time, it's actually important."

The guards left the room, and I was left in a nearly empty dungeon. There were two other ponies in here with me, one in my cell, the other in the next one over.

"What are you in for?" asked the pony in my cell.

"Attempted monarch assassination."

"What?"

"I was framed for trying to kill the Princess, and my side isn't looking so good right now. I was in the kitchen a little before the Princess was poisoned, and I can't prove it wasn't me."

"Wow, sucks for you man."

"How about you?"

"Mass destruction of property."

"That's neat. What about you... Omega?" I couldn't believe it, Omega was in the other cell.

"That you Phil?"

"Eeyup, why are you here?"

"They told me that I was working with Discord."

"That's crazy talk, I'm the only one around here that's working with Discord." I said.

"I tried to tell them that they were crazy but... Wait, what was that last part?"

"I said that I was working with Discord. I'm planning to free him tonight, or I was." The two ponies looked at me with a dumbstruck expression. I looked at my shackles, then I broke them and pulled them off of me.

"Wow."

"I know." I said, removing the ring from my horn. I unlocked my wings and returned them to resting position. "That feels much better, my cracked wing was getting too much strain." I looked at the pile of rubble and kicked it into a corner. "Won't they be surprised when they see that?"

"I didn't think that breaking those was possible." said my cellmate.

"HABEEB IT!"

"I bet you could use your power to get us out of here."

"Don't bother, he may be strong, but he doesn't let it go to his head." said Omega.

"What he said." I said, laying down on the stone floor. I took off my shirt and used it as a pillow, then tried to fall asleep.

"Good luck sleeping in here mate."

I pulled out my iPod, 4, I still had time. "Wake me if it's eight, or if a guard comes in." I said.

Just then the door opened and some guards came in. "Stand up Phil, it's time for your trial. Where the hell did your shackles go?" he asked after I stood up. I pointed to the pile, "How did you..."

"Are we gonna get to this trial or not, I have something very important to do tonight."

"You think you're leaving?" he asked with a laugh.

"I don't think that I'm leaving, I know that I am leaving, weather you like it or not." I said with a dead serious tone.

"Restraints!" he called.

I raised my hand, "No restraints."

"Scratch that!" he yelled.

"Hypnosis, always useful." I said. I followed them out of my cell. "See you two later."

"Bye Phil."

"Hope to see you around someday."

They took me to some sort of court area and told me to sit. "This seems odd, I'm already screwed, so I'm gonna end up running. Not like they could stop me or anything." I said to myself.

The judge stepped in and said, "You have been accused of attempted murder of Princess Luna, how do you plead?"

"It was Luna?" I said to myself, "Innocent!"

THREE HOURS LATER

"Where is he?"

"I think he went this way!"

I heard them run away from where I had been hiding. I checked the time, 7:30. I had been running all around town, avoiding the citizens and guards.

"Who are you?" I said a filly behind me.

"You gotta go, you don't wanna be seen with me."

"Why?"

"Get away from him Star!" said another pony running at me.

"Bye." I said, jumping away from them.

"Bye!" he said.

I got out of there before the mother could get to me and aimed at the statue of Discord. I can't keep running around one town all day. I got there without much trouble. I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Hey Discord, I gotta leave the city for a very long time and you're coming with me."

"Why do you have to leave?"

"Framed for attempted murder." I said, picking up the entire statue.

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"Somepony poisoned Luna and I was blamed for it." I said, running. Just then Princess Celestia teleported in my way. "If you want to take me in, I'm not going down without a fight."

She put her hoof up. "I am not here to take you in, I know that you are innocent."

"Good, now get out of my way." I said.

She didn't move. "I can help you!"

"I don't want your help, if you're caught with me..."

"I don't care! I want to find out who tried to kill us. My sister is in the hospital and you're the one who everypony blames."

"Alright, I need you to keep the soldiers away from me while I make my getaway."

"Understood."

"Meet me in Ponyville in two hours."

She flew off in some random direction and I ran as fast as I could while carrying Discord. Nopony got in my way and I managed to leave the city. "Celestia did good work."

I started talking to Discord, "How you holding up?"

"You're crazy man."

"I know."

I managed to get halfway there without anypony spotting me, very lucky considering the giant statue. I saw a group of ponies traveling down the road. "This sucks." I didn't change my path, I just kept running.

"Is that you Phil?" asked Derpy.

I slowed to a stop and set down Discord. "Hey Derpy."

"Looks like he was right, but is he ever wrong?"

"Only when he is."

"Derpy, who is this, and why was he carrying that statue?" asked a pony in the group.

"That isn't just any statue, that's Discord." said another.

The group started to back away. "If you tell anypony what you saw here, I'll make sure that you never see again." I threatened.

"Yeah everypony, nothing happened here." said Derpy.

"See ya later Derpy." I said. I picked up Discord and continued my run.

She was following me now. "What are you doing Derpy?" I asked.

"You're not gonna travel alone are you?"

I pointed at the statue. "If you want to come along, I'm not gonna stop you, but I'm not slowing down."

"That's fine with me."

I ran all the way to Ponyville with Derpy at my side the entire time. Neat. I went to the forest and put Discord in a relatively covered area and cast a spell so that nopony could see him except me and whoever I picked. I checked the time, 30 minutes left.

"Hey Derpy, do you want some cupcakes?"

"Muffins!"

"Ah yes, sorry, force of habit, let's go get some." I said.

We walked into town and I got some looks of fright. "News travels fast."

"Sorry about that." said Derpy.

"Oh yeah, you deliver mail and whatnot. Oh well."

We got to Sugarcube Corner and I was met with a pan to the face, throwing me out. "Who whacked me with a pan?" I asked, sitting up. I didn't make it very far, because another pan flew right at my face a second later, forcing me back to the ground. "Stop that!"

"Are you ok Phil?" asked Derpy, running towards me.

"Just peachy!" I said, standing up. I was ready for the next pan and grabbed it out of the air. I looked a who threw it, "Pinkie? Do you really believe that I would do that?"

"No, I just felt like pelting you with some pans." she said.

"Neat. Can we get some food?"

"Yup, two cupcakes coming up!"

"Just one cupcake, and a muffin for the nice pony."

"Muffins!"

"What she said."

Pinkie came back with our baked goods and I gave her some bits. "So you heard?"

"Yeah, that must be rough, being blamed for that."

"It was! I'm just lucky that Celestia believed me, or I would still be in Canterlot."

"I'm gonna go get our friends so they can hear what happened, wait here." she said, hopping away.

"Hey Derpy, got any plans?" I asked.

"I got a plan to stay with you for now."

"Neat."

"As am I." said Doctor Whooves.

"Neat."

Four minutes later Pinkie returned with my friends. "Neat."

"Phil?" asked Applejack.

"In the flesh." I said.

"What happened?" asked Twilight.

"You all seem to have heard of what happened to Luna. I was in the kitchen making breakfast and the cook saw me. Just a few hours later, the Princess was poisoned and I was the prime suspect. I couldn't prove my innocence, so I ran. I took Discord and managed to escape the city."

"Why did you take Discord?" asked Rarity.

"Oh yeah, I didn't tell you my plan."

"What plan?" asked Rainbow.

"You'll find out in..." I checked the time, "Now actually, follow me."

I walked out of the store and Princess Celestia landed right in front of us. We all bowed and she said, "Where is he?"

"Follow me." I said, walking to the forest.

"Where are we going Phil?" asked Fluttershy.

"Don't worry about it, you'll see."

I led them to where the statue was and released the spell. "Celestia, when will the moon rise?"

"20 minutes." she said.

"See you ponies in that time." I said, leaning against a tree.

"Phil, what's going on here?" asked Celestia.

"Memory spell time!" I said, releasing the spell.

"Oh." they all said.

"Get some rest Celestia, you too Twilight, and Rarity as well. I'm gonna need your help to pull this off."

"Um..."

"Why do you need our help."

"Because magic."

20 minutes later

"It's time." I said suddenly. "Dash, scout the area. Nopony can see this other than us until it's done. Fluttershy and Applejack, clear any animals out of this general vicinity. Pinkie, you do Pinkie stuff. Understood?"

"Understood!" They all said, doing their stuff.

"You three, come over here." I said, waving over the unicorns. I held out my hoof. "Grab my hoof and I'll start it."

They all grabbed my hoof and I put my hand on Discord. "It's time Discord, use all of the frustration you can find in this world, escape." I said. I started the spell and felt the magical power of Rarity, Twilight, Celestia, and Discord all working together to break his stone prison.

The sky darkened, and I heard thunder. It became more rapid and closer to us. Discord started to move a little bit, but didn't crack the stone. The lightning was getting closer, and it started to rain. I started to draw power from the moon, and it began cracking.

There was a flash of light, then I blacked out.