Night
Scootaloo raced down the dirt road leading to Sweet Apple Acres. After her first successful flight she wanted to inform her fellow crusaders. Now that she thought about it, if she was able to fly that would expand the list of things they could try to get their cutie marks.
The little pegasus worked her wings harder, zipping faster down the worn path that would take her to the clubhouse. After a minute or so she coasted to a stop at the end of the ramp leading up to the CMC clubhouse. She propped her scooter up beside the ramp and ran up it toe door of the tree house.
When she burst through the door the other two fillies inside turned to the entrance. Apple Bloom was the first to speak. “Woah Scootaloo what’s got ya all excited?”
The grin Scootaloo had been wearing since her flight widened “I could tell you. Or I could just show you.” With that the orange filly jumped and began flapping her wings. Once aloft she sailed around the room and even did a small flip before landing. “What d'ya think of that?”
The other fillies stared, slack jawed, before rushing Scootaloo and hugging her from either side. Sweetie Belle backed up and beamed “Wow you learned how to fly! When did this happen?”
Apple Bloom grinned “Yeah when did the chicken become an eagle?”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes at the playful jab from the red headed filly. “This morning actually. Mom took me up for a lesson and before I knew it, bam! I was flying.”
Apple Bloom chuckled “Well all jokes aside Ah’m happy for ya”
Sweetie Belle nodded enthusiastically “What she said.”
After they were done congratulating Scootaloo the fillies sat at the table in the center of the room and began tossing around ideas for what to do to try and get their cutie marks. At one point Scootaloo suggested trying something with weather considering her new found ability.
Apple Bloom shot down the idea “Come on scootaloo. Yer a pegasus so you might be able to. Maybe Sweetie Belle with her magic but Ah’m a earth pony so I cain’t.”
Sweetie Belle nodded “Yeah we should try stuff we can do together.” After that the ideas slowed to a trickle and stopped so the three friends just hung out for a while.
During a round of checkers Apple Bloom turned to face Scootaloo “Hey, Ah haven’t met yer mom since Ah came back from that reunion o’ mine. Ya think Ah can swing by and meet her?’
Scootaloo rose her eyes form the other fillies game to meet Appleblooms “Sure that wouldn’t be a problem. I can take you over on my scooter.”
Sweetie Belle looked outside and noticed that it was a few hours past noon. “Sorry gals I gotta go back to Raritys. We’re having a family dinner tonight and she said I could help.” The unicorn filly rose from her side of the checker board and galloped out the door with a quick wave.
The other two crusaders headed for the door as well. When they got the the pegasus fillies scooter Scootaloo passed her helmet to Apple Bloom. “I didn’t think to bring the wagon so you’ll have to stand behind me and hang on.” The apple filly nodded and got on behind Scootaloo. After some adjusting scootaloo pushed of with a back hoof and flapped her wings lightly going at a steady pace.
On the way back to town Apple Bloom leaned her head forward to talk “Hey how come you never told us about yer mom before this?”
Scootaloo stiffened slightly “You never asked?”
The red head narrowed her eyes “Aw come on don’t dodge the question!”
Scootaloo sighed and quickly thought up an excuse “Look it’s cuz it wasn’t that big a deal. She was away but she’s back now. Simple.”
Apple Bloom wasn’t completely satisfied with that answer but didn’t question the little pegasus further. They were silent for the rest of the trip to Scootaloos house.
===========================================================
Lightning was in her room carefully mixing the various herbs she’d gotten from Zecora. It was true that the herbs wouldn’t work how Lightning had told the zebra. But then again Zecora didn’t know how to mix them like the shapeshifter did. This mixture was one only a changeling would know how to make.
One that would help her get what she wanted.
As she mixed the herbs to the consistency that was needed Lightning heard the door downstairs open and Scootaloo call out for her.
The rose colored mare sealed her finished mixture in a jar nearby and made her way down to the ground level of her home. When she reached the living room she noticed an earth pony filly with a red mane and off yellow coat standing by her daughter. From what Scootaloo had told her of her friends she figured this filly to be Apple Bloom.
“Hey Scootaloo. This your friend?’
Scootaloo nodded “Yep. Mom this is Apple Bloom, she wanted to meet you.” Lightning smiled and turned to the red headed filly “Must mean I’m a good parent if my little Scoots isn’t embarrassed to show me off. Hello Apple Bloom.”
Apple Bloom turned to her friend with a smirk “Scoots?”
Scootaloo face hoofed before turning to her mother “Well I was till you went and did that.”
Lightning chuckled “Aww come on it’s not that bad. So why the urge to see me Apple Bloom?”
The apple filly saw her chance to get some answers out of Lightning and pounced on it. “Well miss Lightnin’ Scootaloo never mentioned ya before an’ Ah was wonderin’ where she was livin’ if you’ve been gone all this time. So Ah wanted to ask ya bout that.”
Scootaloos eyes darted from her friend to her mother. Lightning just continued to smile. “Well it’s not much of a story. We talked a lot with letters so it never felt like I was gone and I sent money for her to live on. Not much to tell really.”
Apple Bloom nodded “Yeah, Ah guess yer right.”
Scootaloo gave a quiet sigh of relief and Lightning walked over to the kitchen “Well since it’s late how about you have dinner with us and I’ll fly you home afterwards Apple Bloom.”
The fillies followed lightning into the kitchen “That’s right nice of ya miss Lightnin’. Thanks.”
Lightning made a simple meal of hay fries and fruit salad. When everyone was done she headed out with Applebloom. “I’ll be back in a few minutes Scootaloo. Get ready for bed while I’m gone.” Scootaloo nodded and waved godbye to Apple Bloom as the filly climbed onto Lightnings back.
Lightning touched down a little bit away from the front door of the large barn like house on the apple farm. Letting the filly slip from her back the rose coated mare knocked on the door. The pony who answered was orange with a blonde mane. A weathered stetson hat sat atop her head. “There ya are AB. Where in tarnation were you?”
The filly smiled. “Hey sis. Ah was just over at Scootaloos meetin’ her mom.”
At this the mare turned to Lighting with a friendly grin “Oh you must be this Lightnin’ I heard about from my friends. Pleasure to meet ya and thanks fer bringin’ Applebloom home. I’m Applejack.”
Lightning returned the smile “It’s no problem she’s a very nice filly. I hate to cut this short but Scootaloos waiting at home. Maybe I’ll see you around?”
Applejack noded “Sure thing Lightnin’. Take care.” With a wave Lightning leapt up and flew of toward home.
Applejack stared after the pegasus as her sister went inside. There’s somethin’ different about that Lightnin’ but what? Applejack couldn’t place why she felt like something was off about Lightning so she shrugged it off as her not knowing the pegasus very well yet. She seemed nice enough after all.
===========================================================
When Lightning got back home the sun had sunk beyond the horizon. She made sure Scootaloo was tucked in bed then went back to her own room. Once inside a dim green flash of her magic signaled another appearance change. Her coat and mane became varying shades of gray. After a once over of her new skin she retrieved the special mixture from it’s place on her desk and leapt out her window and into the night.
===========================================================
Lightning rode the air currents above Ponyville. Choosing to power glide instead of flapping to lessen the chance she was spotted. She knew her target would be arriving any moment. She’d spent a few days of the week learning this ponys routine and was confident she could pull her plan of without a hitch.
The disguised changeling angled her body and shifted her wings inward, dropping silently into a dark ally way. She took the jar from her mouth and opened the lid. Facing toward the allies entrance she beat her wings lightly, wafting the smell that came from the jar out to the street.
She kept this up for a few minutes before she heard hoof steps close by. She backed up further into the ally and pressed herself against the wall. With the mixing shades of gray on her mane and coat she would blend into the shadowed passage as well as the stone of the surrounding wall.
The hoof steps grew louder as a unicorn stallion came around the corner. Even in the dim light Lightning could see his coat was a dull red and his cutie mark was that of a telescope over a map.
She grinned. Perfect. This should be quick and easy. The stallion sniffed the air and trotted deeper into the ally, bringing him closer to the waiting changeling.
Once he’d come to stand in front of the jar he looked around in confusion. “Peekaboo.” The stallion jumped at the voice behind him and whirled around. He caught only a glimpse of ice blue eyes and a wicked grin before Lightnings hoof struck the side of his head.
The stallions eyes shut as he crumpled to the ground. There was a flash of green “I see you.” The grin never left Lightnings face as she gathered her unconscious target on her back. She collected the mixture and flew a safe distance outside Ponyville to store her catch.
===========================================================
No one noticed the lone pegasus flying over Ponyville. Said pegasus flew to the open second story window and landed softly inside. Lighting sighed and set the jar back on her desk before closing her window and crawling into bed. Before drifting off one thought floated through her mind. One more. Just one more.
===========================================================
In the local library one unicorn was awake and pouring over a rather thick book. Smiling as she read the lavender unicorn was startled when her sleeping dragon assistant suddenly shot up and belched. A plume of green flame and smoke swirled from the dragons mouth before forming into a scroll.
The unicorn rose a brow “Hmm what could the princess want at this hour?”
As the unicorn grasped the scroll in her magical aura her assistant spoke up. “Must be pretty important if it’s this late.” The little dragon gave a yawn. “Speaking of witch, I’m goin’ back to bed.”
The unicorn unrolled the scroll and began to read. My dearest, faithful student Twilight Sparkle. I wish this missive came bearing better news but I fear I must inform you of a grave discovery I have made. I have received reports from several sources that the changelings are still a threat. As of yet there is no concrete proof but the numerous reports I have received are similar enough that I am taking the utmost caution in dealing with this possible threat. I have contacted you to ask that you and the other elements of harmony be alert. I also task you with investigating and protecting Ponyville as the reports I have are from around that area. Good luck and be safe my beloved student.
Her royal majesty Princess Celestia.
Twilight’s eyes widened as she read the letter. The changelings are still a threat?! As this news sank in she briskly trotted to her foyer and her horn lit with magic. In a flash of light her five friends were in front of her all with tired, confused faces.
They each tried to question as to why they were teleported at this hour to Twilights home but the lavender unicorn cut hem off. “I’m sorry for the late night meeting girls but this is important.” Her friends quieted and stared alertly at Twilight. Her voice was urgent and tinged with worry. “I have just been informed that the changelings may still be a threat. And if I’m right about how Celestia warned me in the letter...”
She paused here, a foreboding look settling into her deep purple eyes “They may already be in Ponyville.”
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733855
That would be telling now wouldn't it? Sorry you'll just have to see what she does and put it together.
“Yep. Mom this is Aapplelboom, she wanted to meet you.”
733884
I'm seriously ashamed of myself for not catching that...
I'll fix that right away.
734077
I have one but they were unavailable for a while. These are just the rough versions until my beta if free.
You have an interesting idea, but frankly your delivery needs a lot of work. 2/5 stars so far.
734275
I was playing on her naiveté. Thanks for the honesty though.
Clearly, Lightning's evil plan is to...put together the necessary legal documentation to make Scootaloo legitimately her child! Muahaha!
From princess Celestia's letter:
as the reports I hhave are from around that area.
Just read this from the beginning, I like the story.
And your writing is improving by the chapter!
Keep writing please!
736198
I really hope my beta gets back online soon. I keep missing all these mistakes.
734327 You're welcome.
I wonder if scootaloo will teach Lightning the pinkie pie promise and use it on the mane six to trust and accept her as scootaloo's mom with an agreement to help stop any changlings threat to ponyvile.
I gotta say, I'm starting to like Lightning as a character. I like how she can be all caring and motherly, yet at the same time sneaky and crafty, like a villain.
If I were the author, though, I would've taken some time to branch out Scootaloo's and Lightning's newly established mother-daughter relationship before moving onto Lightning's devious plan. I would be thinking of a scene where Scootaloo and Lightning are cuddling next to each other in bed at nighttime or where Scootaloo gets into trouble with one of the creatures in the Everfree Forest and Lightning has to rescue her. But I'm not the author; you are. So it's your call.
One of thoughts so far, though, is that Lightning doesn't genuinely love Scootaloo and is simply exploiting her and she is only caring about self-gain from her little scheme. If this is the case, then you may want to edit the description to match the story's direction and also add a couple more tags. I hope the story doesn't take this direction, but again, you're the author; you decide what happens next
On a proofreader's note, you might want to reconsider the way you're presenting the dialogue. One of the rules out there regarding dialogue is that for every new speaker, a new paragraph is started. For example:
___
"*dialogue from Speaker 1*".
"*dialogue from Speaker 2*", Speaker 2 replied.
"*dialogue from Speaker 1*", Speaker 1 paces back and forth. "*more dialogue from Speaker 1*". Speaker 1 turns to face Speaker 2 again. "*even more dialogue from Speaker 1*".
Speaker 2 shook his head. "*dialogue from Speaker 2*".
___
You can add details of a character's movements and actions within the same paragraph. You can divide out a speaker's dialogue within the same paragraph. But every time there is dialogue coming from a different speaker or every time the focus on detail shifts from one character to another, there needs to be a new paragraph.
Oh no! Surely Lightning isn't evil?! =O
738937
To be honest when I started this I had a vague idea of what it was and where I wanted to go with it. But I'm getting into it now and you're right I needed to tweak the description a bit. So I did.
This story has potential to be pretty good, I'll keep a watch on it.
How do you set up a watch later? And how do you find more changeling fics? The only way I know is to watch the featureds.
OK, seriously, you need to break to a new paragraph when somepony else starts talking. It's so confusing when I read Applebloom's lines in Scootaloo's voice!
“I’m sorry for the late night meetig girls but this is important.” i feel like you're missing something?
this story is pretty good besides the few typos i keep finding
The changelings are still a threat? Suddenly, conflict!
734275 Ok, I know nearly everything you write is amazing (I am a particular fan of yours) but I think you can always come across as very rude when judging other stories. you only give a rating and never any advice or constructive criticism. I should know as you've done much the same on one of my stories. Just a suggestion that you provide greater insight as, knowing your work, you certainly have the knowledge to do so. Just a suggestion.
Her horn lit with magic to teleport her friends over...was that her doing or Celestia acting through Twilight's magic?
1343610
That was Twilight.
Damnit Lightning.
734327 spelling Error at the top "Sweet apple acers" Acer? so the apple's make acer's now?
Can you Itallicize the letter please?
Cap.
Ah
_______________
Rarity's
______________
Apple Bloom
don't know if AJ has the same thickness in her accent as AB or not. If so, then the I's should be Ah. For consistencies sake.
_____________
Lightning's
_______________
Cap.
______________
Another good chapter. Btw, that potion, what does it do exactly?
Looks like Lightning's plan might be a bit more sinister than previously hinted. Maybe.
Also, Twilight with the power to teleport all five of her friends at the same time to her library? That's pretty h4x at this point in time.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, LIGHTNING
wait, is she rounding up bad changelings?
orig08.deviantart.net/984e/f/2015/077/8/b/scootachicken_by_holleeb-d8m987q.gif
6400965 friendship is magic motherfucker, dont question it!
There are a few holes in the story,
But I couldn't be bothered mentioning them.
It's nice for a fast pace.
> Thinking the changelings stopped existing as if you have no object permanence.
> Nonconsensual teleporting