(Story best read, with rap instrumental in the background)
One day, Princess Celestia decided to host a rap battle with the ponies. Princess Celestia called Twilight to go first. She breathed heavily and grabbed the mic.
"Alright, It’s Twi up in this shit, time to bring it into motion,
II may just be a little unicorn, but my spells are damn potent.
Bringing that fucking magic heat, and I drop a dope rhyme,
Yeah I live in a library, like a fucking mastermind.
You gotta love me, just hop right on the bandwagon,
I’m so fucking fierce, I’m the one who gives orders to the dragon.
Leader of the pack, yeah I control the rest of ya,
Runnin’ fucking ponyville, like I was Princess Celestia.
I’ll own your ass so hard, I’ll put it up for rent,
Because the chance of you beating me has a negative percent.
Took the fucking title from the Great and Powerful Trixie,
That dog, made her my bitch, like she was fucking Winn-Dixie!
I’m owning at friendship, and you just suck dick,
I got magic you faggot and you don’t got shit.
Smartest one here, there's a reason I’m the boss,
Bitch, I came from the future and you’ve already lost."
She passed the mic to Rainbow Dash, who was to her left,
"Any bitch can fly, but you know that I’ll school her,
Kicked Putin’s ass and became 140 percent cooler.
So fast you don’t know what to do,
On top of things like Daring Do.
You need a wing man? I've got two!
Always will be better than you,
Heard I lost? Must be a fluke,
Radical Hair, made from Skittles puke.
You think I fucking like chicks? hah
Just mad nopony is getting up on your dick.
I'm the awesomest pony, we’re already fucking over that
Call me out and watch your body drop in 10 seconds flat.
Compared to me you’re fucking new at this,
Because Ill break your wings just like toothpicks.
I’m the mare these colts fucking desire,
Because I’m so hot, hotter than Spitfire.
Time to pillage and plunder,
I’m putting you under,
Bringing the air crackling thunder.
Making it rain, pain,
All over your brain,
Until you’re never the same.
Cloud of awesome and fucking rainbow lightning bolt,
Friends call me “Dash” to you I’m “Leader of the Wonder Bolts”."
Pinkie Pie took her turn next,
"Hey there friend! I didn’t come to make enemies!
Look at my face, could you ever be mad at me?
Stop talking? If I did it would be a tragedy!
A catastrophe!
More than a crashing economy!
But alright, kids, it’s time to fucking party,
You bring the cake and I’ll grab some Bacardi!
Drink till I get all retardi,
Relax and be free,
like me!
It’s quite easy!
Silly Filly!
But watch your fucking back for, Pinkamena Diane Pie,
Crushin’ cupcakes in my fist, and punching them through your eye,
Torturing ponies, until even the strongest colts cry.
I’ll show you true pain, not fake,
Skin your ass alive and turn your guts to cupcakes.
I’ll use your bones as floss,
And finish by devouring your brain with hot sauce.
I’ll be smiling, while it’s tears of blood you’ll be crying,
Screaming multiplying,
Wishing that you were dying.
When you go to sleep, you better leave open one eye,
Dreaming of a bloody night with fucking Pinkie Pie."
She dropped the microphone and Rarity picked it up, because shes a fucking LADY! AND SHE WONT TAKE FUCKING SHIT FROM NOPONY!
"Everypony in Canterlot has heard of Rarity,
And who are you? Covered in rags from a fucking charity,
You don’t compare to me.
Shut up Twilight, orders from me are the ones Spike takes,
I’ll show you up, any day my incredible fame is at stake,
I bury all your reputations with mine, like a dazzling earthquake.
You don’t compare to a mare like me, so don’t pretend,
I’ll lock you up, and bring your petty life to an end,
Carve your skin into dresses and give them away to my friends,
It looks like somepony resurrected your fashion sense just to kill it again,
I’m the top notch pony, catching the eyes of colts and men,
Making them lust, because I’m queen of flawlessness and sin.
You’re not even a challenge, I won't even jest,
You can’t even put my flow to the test.
I’m the cream of the crop, better than the rest,
Only the beautiful survive, that’s the art of the dress."
Applejack was after her,
"Can you believe these foals? Get the buck out of here,
I’ll castrate you like a steer,
you queer.
Apples everywhere, farm business down, I own it,
Ponies addicted to my cider, like fucking alcoholics.
Control the game, I’m working, every single day,
Call me the best pony, also known as AJ.
I plan to keep it that way,
Okay?
Country lifes a game, I got the best hand,
Rollin’ in G’s, fuckin’ up all you Flim Flams.
Electrocute your ass, like a zap apple,
I’m a lyrical genius, always winnin’ scrabble.
While you flippin tables,
I’m out there creating fables
Running stables
Flippin around wages
Like they were pages
In a book about success
You know I only speak the truth,
And I am better than the rest.
I know I’m great, but royalty? No relation.
I’m busy everyday, no vacation.
I’m owning everpony, every occasion.
By now you should know not to fuck with me,
Because after I whoop your ass,
You can get gangbanged by the entire apple family."
Fluttershy picked up the mic,
"Uhm...sorry if I offend you, with this rap,
But you..uhm suck...crap,
Or something like that..
Sorry!!! I never really did this before,
You’re a total loser! Umm, your mom's a whore.
I don't mean to hurt your feelings!
But it’s a contest and I really feel like winning.
You know...fuck this shit, it’s time to speak my mind,
I’m gonna quit being a quiet bitch,
And drop a fucking nasty rhyme!
You think you’re all so cool? Like I care,
Tell me when you’ve tamed a manticore,
Or wrestled with a fucking bear.
You’re all idiots, I've got a full alarm on the retard detector,
I'ma beast, I sat a dragon down and gave him a fucking hard lecture.
Without me you faggots would have failed your hurricane,
Flying around so much, only air is in your brain.
When you walk into my turf, you pussies are just tourists,
Only the fearless live on the edge of the Everfree forest!
If you want tips on how to be the best, pull up a chair,
I command the deadliest creatures with only my stare! "
Princess Celestia cheered as the ponies took their leave.
swag
Urghhh haha
Its so hard cause I don't know what song you're listening to when you wrote this.
I just used http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3r-ct0haZg cause it seemed to go with anything.
In my opinion, Twilight's was the best. But still, you should put an instrumental so people have something to refer to.
.......................... THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
and if someone actually recorded these raps IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE AWESOME
Tried rappin laughed to hard Lyrics to hardcore and funny
I started rapping them while my friend was round my house. I think it had the desired effect.
That was hilarious.
I'm-a favouriting this one!
--TwilitLightning
I think of without me by eminem
Hmm. I liked it a lot.
But if I had to drop any sort of criticism/suggestions, I would say to go by fours or twos. (e.g 4/4 time, 1/2 time, 2/4 time). It's the most common time signature in music, and both hip-hop and rap flourish when accompanied by a good beat. Also, in a lot of music, sometimes *something* changes every 4/8 measures (or 16/32 beats). It's basically natural to progress like that. But that's not really too big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
I find that when I write bars/lines, it helps to focus more on the message than the rhyme. Take a fine Hip-Hop artist (e.g Dumbfoundead, Intuition, Wax, etc.) and you will find verses that do not rhyme. And that is completely fine, because they push their message/theme across so well over their words.
Once again though, I thought it was well done, so nothing I've said is to be seen in a negative light. (Wish I'd have thought of it first, )
Character Request(s): Vinyl (as the MC/DJ), Octavia & Lyra.
Oh shit, son! That was awesome. Sucks that it was only a one shot.
wait...
"Incomplete"
WOO!
BRILLIANT! So doing a reading of this! XD just too funny man! Really well done!
Applejack is best rapper. Fluttershy is best rhymesmith. Pinkie is best pop-rap artist, which is saying abolutely nothing.
If I weren't on a phone, I'd make this comment some sort of rap.
awesome...wait who won?
694657
I must agree
Umm… since I did so well in rapping this when you linked this to me, should I record myself rapping and post it on youtube for you foxxy?
694663
It was hard because I listened to a variety of instrumentals
If it helps, I was thinking of doing a video for it.
694837
Alright, I'll be doing your suggestions and more in the part 2.
I'll eat the rhyming scheme to something simple for the readers.
695025
I'm surprised you had to ask....
clearly fluttershy
696395 HEY ASSHOLE!!!!! DID YOU SEE MY COMMENT OR NOT YOU CUM GUZZLING DUMPSTER WHORE!!!!!!!?????
696420
I've also listened to you rap, and I also know what instrumentals go with it lol
We could alternate parts though if you want. Magic you know I love you
I seriously can't believe I rapped that whole thing last night for you and you didn't even consider me.
696503
"We can alternate" Is more than considering, it's pretty much saying, yes you can.
I also rap the whole thing, I just did it my head, while I wrote it.
696515 But I did it out loud!
696519
does it look like I care
Nah, we can each do three.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/181/306/65768%20-%20Lyra%20artist%25253ALightbulb%20manly_tears%20parody%20reaction_face.png
EPIC!
Downvoted. Rap doesn't require profanity in every line to be good. In fact, it's better without it.
Personally, I think there's enough language here to merit a Mature rating.
717721 mature is for high levels of gore, or sex, it doesent warrent a mature rating.
I cant help but imagine Eminem singing this, which is a very good thing, Eminem is the only rapper I have ever enjoyed listening to, since he seems to actually put heart in his raps covered in profanity
that is all.