//------------------------------// // Part 1: Mane 6 // Story: Pony Rap Battle // by Askfoxxy //------------------------------// (Story best read, with rap instrumental in the background) One day, Princess Celestia decided to host a rap battle with the ponies. Princess Celestia called Twilight to go first. She breathed heavily and grabbed the mic. "Alright, It’s Twi up in this shit, time to bring it into motion, II may just be a little unicorn, but my spells are damn potent. Bringing that fucking magic heat, and I drop a dope rhyme, Yeah I live in a library, like a fucking mastermind. You gotta love me, just hop right on the bandwagon, I’m so fucking fierce, I’m the one who gives orders to the dragon. Leader of the pack, yeah I control the rest of ya, Runnin’ fucking ponyville, like I was Princess Celestia. I’ll own your ass so hard, I’ll put it up for rent, Because the chance of you beating me has a negative percent. Took the fucking title from the Great and Powerful Trixie, That dog, made her my bitch, like she was fucking Winn-Dixie! I’m owning at friendship, and you just suck dick, I got magic you faggot and you don’t got shit. Smartest one here, there's a reason I’m the boss, Bitch, I came from the future and you’ve already lost." She passed the mic to Rainbow Dash, who was to her left, "Any bitch can fly, but you know that I’ll school her, Kicked Putin’s ass and became 140 percent cooler. So fast you don’t know what to do, On top of things like Daring Do. You need a wing man? I've got two! Always will be better than you, Heard I lost? Must be a fluke, Radical Hair, made from Skittles puke. You think I fucking like chicks? hah Just mad nopony is getting up on your dick. I'm the awesomest pony, we’re already fucking over that Call me out and watch your body drop in 10 seconds flat. Compared to me you’re fucking new at this, Because Ill break your wings just like toothpicks. I’m the mare these colts fucking desire, Because I’m so hot, hotter than Spitfire. Time to pillage and plunder, I’m putting you under, Bringing the air crackling thunder. Making it rain, pain, All over your brain, Until you’re never the same. Cloud of awesome and fucking rainbow lightning bolt, Friends call me “Dash” to you I’m “Leader of the Wonder Bolts”." Pinkie Pie took her turn next, "Hey there friend! I didn’t come to make enemies! Look at my face, could you ever be mad at me? Stop talking? If I did it would be a tragedy! A catastrophe! More than a crashing economy! But alright, kids, it’s time to fucking party, You bring the cake and I’ll grab some Bacardi! Drink till I get all retardi, Relax and be free, like me! It’s quite easy! Silly Filly! But watch your fucking back for, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Crushin’ cupcakes in my fist, and punching them through your eye, Torturing ponies, until even the strongest colts cry. I’ll show you true pain, not fake, Skin your ass alive and turn your guts to cupcakes. I’ll use your bones as floss, And finish by devouring your brain with hot sauce. I’ll be smiling, while it’s tears of blood you’ll be crying, Screaming multiplying, Wishing that you were dying. When you go to sleep, you better leave open one eye, Dreaming of a bloody night with fucking Pinkie Pie." She dropped the microphone and Rarity picked it up, because shes a fucking LADY! AND SHE WONT TAKE FUCKING SHIT FROM NOPONY! "Everypony in Canterlot has heard of Rarity, And who are you? Covered in rags from a fucking charity, You don’t compare to me. Shut up Twilight, orders from me are the ones Spike takes, I’ll show you up, any day my incredible fame is at stake, I bury all your reputations with mine, like a dazzling earthquake. You don’t compare to a mare like me, so don’t pretend, I’ll lock you up, and bring your petty life to an end, Carve your skin into dresses and give them away to my friends, It looks like somepony resurrected your fashion sense just to kill it again, I’m the top notch pony, catching the eyes of colts and men, Making them lust, because I’m queen of flawlessness and sin. You’re not even a challenge, I won't even jest, You can’t even put my flow to the test. I’m the cream of the crop, better than the rest, Only the beautiful survive, that’s the art of the dress." Applejack was after her, "Can you believe these foals? Get the buck out of here, I’ll castrate you like a steer, you queer. Apples everywhere, farm business down, I own it, Ponies addicted to my cider, like fucking alcoholics. Control the game, I’m working, every single day, Call me the best pony, also known as AJ. I plan to keep it that way, Okay? Country lifes a game, I got the best hand, Rollin’ in G’s, fuckin’ up all you Flim Flams. Electrocute your ass, like a zap apple, I’m a lyrical genius, always winnin’ scrabble. While you flippin tables, I’m out there creating fables Running stables Flippin around wages Like they were pages In a book about success You know I only speak the truth, And I am better than the rest. I know I’m great, but royalty? No relation. I’m busy everyday, no vacation. I’m owning everpony, every occasion. By now you should know not to fuck with me, Because after I whoop your ass, You can get gangbanged by the entire apple family." Fluttershy picked up the mic, "Uhm...sorry if I offend you, with this rap, But you..uhm suck...crap, Or something like that.. Sorry!!! I never really did this before, You’re a total loser! Umm, your mom's a whore. I don't mean to hurt your feelings! But it’s a contest and I really feel like winning. You know...fuck this shit, it’s time to speak my mind, I’m gonna quit being a quiet bitch, And drop a fucking nasty rhyme! You think you’re all so cool? Like I care, Tell me when you’ve tamed a manticore, Or wrestled with a fucking bear. You’re all idiots, I've got a full alarm on the retard detector, I'ma beast, I sat a dragon down and gave him a fucking hard lecture. Without me you faggots would have failed your hurricane, Flying around so much, only air is in your brain. When you walk into my turf, you pussies are just tourists, Only the fearless live on the edge of the Everfree forest! If you want tips on how to be the best, pull up a chair, I command the deadliest creatures with only my stare! " Princess Celestia cheered as the ponies took their leave.