Chapter 5 (This version is no longer canon. See comment section)
I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT CANON ANY LONGER!!
READ THE TITLE!
GOT THIS?? OK, Cool...
Sunset waited for the inevitable, but it never came. She looked up to see Gilda with a fearful look in her eyes, as she slowly took the knife off her, and stood up, her head turned towards the exit as the room had gone silent.
As Sunset opened her eye once again, and focused, she could hear, in the silence that had enveloped the room, the sure sound of approaching sirens.
Someone finally found their voice and cursed out loud.
“How did they find out about this?!” One of them panicked, before turning to leave.
“Forget this! I’m outta here!”
The majority of students followed suit, suddenly racing for the exit, heading for their cars, only to find that the cops were already pulling up, six cars in all, with others approaching from a distance.
Gilda, after coming out of her daze, looked back down at Sunset, and kneeled next to her again.
“We may go to jail for this…but at least we’ll still have lives to live.” With that, she plunged the knife into her chest, Sunset’s eye going wide, as her breath caught in her throat, struggling for breath, before Gilda pulled it back out. Sunset’s vision went blurry, before her world went black.
Gilda, feeling satisfied with what she’d done, started to get up, before a large intake of air made her turn back to Sunset.
Before Gilda’s eyes, both of Sunset’s eyes opened. But they were not their normal aqua color. In their place, was a black that took up the entirety of her eyes.
Her skin began glowing red, and a sizzling sound was heard before the rope binding her arms and legs merely burned right off, leaving her to sit up, blood coming out of her chest wound, before, like magic, it sealed itself up, along with her ribs healing themselves, causing her to be able to get up and walk. Though her body seemed to be oblivious to all other wounds.
She pierced Gilda with a stare, then raised her hand, looking at it, before speaking with a dark, foreboding tone.
“How would you like your very own cutiemark?...”
Sunset grabbed her leg before she even had the chance to bolt, and Gilda found her very touch searing hot, causing her to fall to the ground, screaming for help, as Sunset put her hand over her face, burning it.
Gilda screamed, and thrashed, trying to get away, before Sunset at last removed her hand. Gilda put her hands to her face in pain.
“You….MONSTER!” She ground out through clenched teeth.
Sunset laughed darkly.
“Monster?...” She said quietly, before going silent for a moment, looking down. She suddenly raised her head again.
“I’ll SHOW you a MONSTER!!” At the word “Monster”, massive wings of fire suddenly erupted from her back, as she grew at least an extra six feet in mere seconds, as her demeanor changed.
Though, what Gilda was seeing right now, didn’t look like what was seen at the fall formal.
This looked even more menacing.
Gilda went wide eyed as Sunset...or a former shell of her anyway, charged up a fireball between her hands.
“W-WAIT!!” Her pleas fell on deaf ears, as the fireball got ever bigger, until it blew up, obliterating, and setting the entire factory on fire.
It didn’t take long for the flames to eat the building from the inside out, and before long, the fire died down as soon as it had started, leaving a fiery eleven foot Sunset, still clad in her fire wings, staring down the police that had gathered around the building, along with all the other students, who were now gathered in a group, wearing handcuffs, and looking terrified.
One of the officers that was still in their car, slowly spoke into a walkie-talkie.
“We need the FBI here…or even better…the army.”
“What is it?” Answered a voice on the other end.
“I don’t even….Just call it a weapon of mass destruction…”
Outside, one officer quietly questioned another.
“Do we shoot?..”
“And get it mad at us?...No thanks.”
“P-put your hands in the air!” One of them called out nervously.
She smirked, before her wings lifted her high into the air, and she put her hands up.
“Is THIS “in the air” enough for YOU?!” Her hands started charging up another fireball.
“FIRE!!” They all started shooting at her at once, but there was no effect on her. She released the fireball, but not at any of the police.
The students all screamed as the fireball hurtled at them, not able to scramble away fast enough as the ball engulfed them all in a flash of light.
“NO!!” One of the officers shouted, but it was too late. Soon, all that was left of the students was ash.
When everything cleared, all that was left was one girl sprawled on the ground with red and yellow hair. Seeing that the monster that had just attacked everyone moments prior, had the same kind of hair, and the fact that there was nobody else left around her, there was but one conclusion, as she lifted her head, and tried to get up.
“Stay on the ground, and put your hands behind your back! Try anything, and we will open fire!”
She looked up and saw at least a dozen police officers, all of which, had guns pointing straight at her. She didn’t know what exactly was going on at the moment, but she opted to stay on her stomach, and do as she was told, putting her hands behind her back.
Four officers cautiously approached her, three keeping their guns trained on her, while one bent down and put handcuffs on her, before getting her back up.
The girl they were looking at now, was awfully different than what they had just seen. She had deep bruises, cuts, and lacerations all over her body, along with a badly swollen black eye, with other bruises marring her face. Her fingers and lips also looked frostbitten.
One officer couldn’t help but feel pity towards this girl. Whatever had happened here before they arrived could not have been good. But it didn’t change the fact that she had just killed everyone involved in this, not to mention the fact of what she had turned into to do it…
Whatever she had turned into moments prior, had obviously given her heightened strength, as she now seemed to be having trouble even with just walking.
Pretty much the only similarity to what they had just seen was her hair….Well, that, and the disturbing brand mark on her face. The brand mark was pretty much what convinced everyone that this was in fact, the same girl who had just caused all that chaos moments prior.
They put her in the back of one of the cars, with three other officers. One in the passenger seat, and two on either side of her, all still keeping their guns pointed at her.
Everyone else got into their own cars, before filing away from the scene one by one.
Inside one of the other cars, two officers sat in silence. One of them being the one who had radioed in, calling her a weapon of mass destruction.
“Can you even believe what just happened?” One of them asked the other, finally breaking the silence.
“I saw it….believing it….well, I’m still working on that.”
“What are we even going to do with her? We can’t just put her in a normal cell.”
“You think I don’t know that?..”
There was another silence.
“….What we saw…How would you describe it?”
“How?...How about the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen?”
“I would describe it as a weapon of mass destruction…”
The other officer looked at him.
“What are you getting at?”
“She could destroy countless innocent people single handedly…Or save those people by taking out the enemies…”
“Get to the point.”
“We could use her in wars…her abilities would be unmatchable.” The other officer looked at him with an incredulous look.
“Do you even realize the implications of what you are proposing? You are talking about weaponizing a teenage girl!”
“She had wings of fire, was ON fire, yet wasn’t burning, and killed how many students with one fireball that SHE made with her OWN two hands! THAT is no ordinary teenage girl…Besides, what else are we gonna do? Let her go? Who knows when the next time will be that that…thing gets triggered? And next time, there could be even MORE casualties. So our choices are either to lock her up, or kill her…Why not put her abilities to good use? We could find out how to trigger her other persona, and also shut it down. We would be unstoppable in war!”
“You are insane! You’re talking about subjecting a girl to a life of experimentation!!”
“Experimentation that may very well save millions of lives…”
“Save…or destroy them.” The first officer argued.
“Well, what else are we gonna do anyways?...We already concluded that she is a danger to the public, so what next then?
Things went silent for a moment.
“Do you seriously think we can control the likes of what we saw back there?” He asked quietly.
“What if your plan backfires? What if she triggers, and you CAN’T stop her? We may all very well die.”
The other officer threw his hands in the air.
“Fine, kill her then! She doesn’t even need to know what hit her. Just shoot her and be done then. It’s either that, or we lock her up…and if you’re right in saying that she’s dangerous, then just how safe will any of us be if we simply lock her up? Killing her would obviously be the safest thing right?”
The first officer glared at the guy, then sighed.
“I can’t believe I’m actually about to agree to this…”
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okay you and everyone else who writes these so far out there and deranged fantasies need a reality check I mean come on *Shakes head sadly*.
Wtf, this story took a strange turn.
Like a previous comment of mine predicted, bad times were had. Although this IS a weird turn, it's your story.
Uh..... what just happened?
Ok guys, this chapter has barely been on for half an hour, and already I can see that people aren't liking the turn of events. So, here's what I'm gonna do, I'm going to make a rewrite of chapter 5 with the original way I had intended to go with the story, and then you guys tell me in the comments which version I should use, because like I said in the author's note, this is NOT where I had intended to go with the story. This idea just popped up like three days ago. So I have another way this story can go.
But I will leave this chapter up for now.
6716730 how about finish this story off the original way, and then put up another story that works off of this chapter. that way, everyone is happy. you could even keep both versions chapter 5, but at the end of this one you put a link to the other story that continues it, while stating that this story will continue on as if this never happened. honestly, i'm very intrigued as to where this would go. i'd definitely read both.
6716794 I think I may end up doing exactly that
6716730 Well I was understanding where you were taking it when she turned into the demon and annihilated the other students, but the stuff with the cops at the end kinda came out of left field, but I agree with BronyPonyMan. It's not that this was bad, it was just a bit confusing near the end of the chapter.
This chapter made me think of this.
No.
This is your story, you take it in whatever direction you want it to go.
Don't focus too much on the comments unless someone offers constructive criticism.
Now, with that in mind, I do have some suggestions/recommendations that I'd like to offer, but only if you're interested.
Otherwise, I'll be quiet.
I'm going to follow along regardless of what you do.
Fuckin savage.
6716794 Gee, I don't know about that this is already a branch-off.
I am looking forward to reading what else you had in mind because if this ends up being the plot then I'll have to stop reading.
I don't think the police would just stand there when a suddendly 11 foot demon with fire wings shots out of a buring building and throws a fireball at a bunch of students ... they would most likely panic. Also, you'd think the police would be more intelligent then just storming in with sirens. They would most likely try to stay quiet and surround the builing, you know, making sure no one escapes and that no one is going to hurt her. Weren't they informed of the situation?
Oh, and now we have the military in the story. It's you'r story, but I don't like this choice at all. I mean, nearly all characters besides Sunset and Twilight are out of the story. All evil guys are down for good, the people from CHS can't do anything with the army, etc. Practicaly the only thing happening right now is an arc of next to no stuff happening, 'cause what can ya do against the army?
what
what even
This whole weapon of mass destruction thing makes no sense. Even setting aside the bizarre turn towards Area 51, Sunset would make a terrible WMD. For starters, that wasn't "mass" destruction. She killed like twenty people and set a warehouse on fire. A lone helicopter could do more than that. Secondly, the helicopter wasn't kidnapped and doesn't feel remorse so it isn't going to resist or hesitate like Sunset probably would. And while a few small handguns were useless it's a bit of a stretch to assume that military rifles, anti-tank weapons, tank shells, and so on couldn't splatter her across the ground.
I don't entirely mind the idea that the story has veered from an alternate take on Dainn's story to this other thing, but I have to be honest it was done pretty poorly. I would suggest changing the story description to imply that something like this happens, just so people don't feel so blindsided.
Ok, I was going to post the original version of chapter 5, and have you guys decide from there which direction this should go. But it's obvious people have made their voices known already. And I'm glad for that. Honestly, I DIDN'T know what people would think of this turn, so I'm glad everyone let me know what they thought of this route. I guess this was kind of like an experiment for me, which turned out to fail, Lol. People have brought up good points too. I didn't think too much for this chapter. This idea just came up, and I decided to go with it. That's why I said in the AN, that I hoped this wasn't straying too far. But obviously it did.
As of now, this chapter is no longer canon with the rest of the story, and I may end up deleting the chapter altogether. Sorry this had to happen guys, but I'm going to try and fix this. I want you guys to enjoy this story.
I'll try and have the new (Or original) chapter 5 up as soon as I can.
Guys.....Here's a little something that might help you enjoy this chapter a little bit more.
Make sure you hear this up to this part
6717246 I definitely want to hear what you have to say, go for it.
Wow. This was a surprise. I take it you might have gotten inspiration from the Ch. 4 comments. This isn't what I had in mind but it was interesting and quite unique. I have an idea of what could have been done but only if you want to listen to it. I'm not forcing it upon you and you don't have to even use it. It IS your story, after all.
6718451 it will still have the police in it, won't it?
Ya know I was actually liking where this was going. Cops were coming, the Shadowbolts were involved...then this? Sorry, I'm backing out.
Edit: I saw the 'See comment section' , read the chapter, immediately forgot
6796559 I'm rewriting this chapter, I'm going with my original intention I had for it. I'm still in the midst of writing the chapter, but I've been really busy these past few weeks. It currently has 3 thousand words, and I'm still writing. hopefully it'll be up soon.
6797026
Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to like this story. The hard right turn just threw me off a little.
Can't wait to see the finished product. Good luck on the rewrite!
And if there's still room for suggestions, I hope you plan on utilizing the Shadowbolts more later on. Not sure about all of them, but I can see Sunset making friends with Indigo Zap, Sugarcoat, and Lemon Zest.
ok so what is his story called so that we can find it and read it?
6846123 it's "Anon-A-Miss" By Dainn. Here's the link:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/272101/anon-a-miss
Bro are you still working on reworking chapter 5
I was enjoying this... But now, I feel like this is anticlimactic. 'And everyone got incinerated' just. Then a sudden complete change of plotlines like this? Eh. Think I'll go back to the original story.
Not bad up til this point tho. 'Course, a brand on a cheek wouldn't really work. You need more tissue underneath otherwise it just burns a hole... But that's just nitpicking.
Edit: saw the headline. Make it like, red, I just happened to notice something about a rewrite in the comments.
7145940 I've considered just deleting this entire chapter, cause that's what I think is happening. People are reading, and then get to this chapter and stop, not even realizing that its not even canon anymore with the story.
Let me know your thoughts on the way I did ultimately go.
7146437 I think you should make a side story about this.
omgg this story is killing me!!
... and then sunset joined the Avengers
That’s an interesting way to die. Getting burned alive by a person you tried to kill
*Avengers flashbacks*
7900474
Lmao