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Prologue1,061 words
Chapter The First944 words
Chapter The Second1,415 words
Chapter The Third1,673 words
Chapter The Fourth1,265 words
Chapter The Fifth1,905 words
Chapter the Sixth3,483 words
Chapter The Seventh1,642 words
Chapter The Eighth1,573 words
Chapter the Ninth2,409 words
Chapter The Tenth1,784 words
Chapter the Eleventh2,082 words
Chapter the Twelfth3,540 words
Chapter The Thirteenth2,813 words
Chapter The Fourteenth2,301 words
Chapter The Fifteenth1,541 words
Chapter the Sixteenth3,424 words
Chapter the Seventeenth3,744 words
Chapter The Eighteenth2,517 words
Chapter the Nineteenth2,030 words
Chapter The Twentieth2,394 words
Chapter the Twenty First2,776 words
Chapter the Twenty Second1,986 words

Chapter the Twelfth

Chapter the Twelfth, or "In Which I Get Worked Hard

I bite my lip in anticipation and excitement. No way would I rather be anywhere else, I think to myself as I look around the room. The fact that I am chained up spread eagle on a table has no effect on my mood; if anything, it just makes me more excited for what is to come.

After what seems like ages, the star of the show appears. Dressed in a skin-tight leather jumpsuit and sporting a leather riding crop, Spitfire leers at me in a predatory fashion. “All right, you naughty boy,” she growls. “Are you ready for your punishment?”

I nod excitedly, feeling the blood flow through my nose. “As always, Mistress Spitfire.”

She lifts her head up high and cackles before fixing her eyes on me. “Oh, you’ve been sooo bad,” she whispers seductively. With that, she lifts up the riding crop, gives me one last sneer, and—

“WAKE UP, SEBASTIAN!!!”

I leap out of my bed. “SWEET JUMPING JESUS!!!” I yelp, automatically feeling the harsh beams of the light in my eyes.

“Morning, sleepy-head!” greets a chipper voice. I look up to find a smiling Twilight Sparkle, dressed in a pink pencil skirt, purple argyle sweater vest over a white dress shirt, and some black high heels. Glasses with hot pink plastic frames and a pair of star earrings complete the whole secretary look.

Normally, I’d be happy to find her (or anyone dressed like that, for that matter) at my bedside, but considering that it was a Monday morning, my jimmies remained rustled. “What are you doing here, Twi?” I growl.

She laughs. “Oh, come on, how did you forget? It’s my first day of work! You’re supposed to show me around, remember?”

“You’re fired. Problem solved.” I grunt, burying my face back into my pillow and praying that I could continue my dream.

She sighs and just telepathically lifts me from my bed, sheets and all. “Come on, Sebastian, I think it’d be embarrassing for you if your secretary got to work before you did.”

“May I remind you that my secretary also woke me up—,” I check my alarm clock, “TWO HOURS before I had to go to work?! I mean, really, WHO DOES THAT?!”

“That’s why you hired me!” she giggles. “Now hurry up and get changed! I want to get there early enough to check out the building!”

I groan and get out of bed. “Confound these ponies…” As I reach my closet I look out from the corner of my eye to see that Twilight is sitting on my bed, looking at me expectantly. “Uh, Twi? This is normally the part where you leave and let me get dressed. You know, in privacy?”

“I’ve always wanted to examine human male anatomy!” she explains. “I figured, ‘why not with you?’”

“Uh… Thanks?” There are three ways this can play out: the REALLY good way, the REALLY awkward way, or the REALLY bad way. I don’t see any way she can pull out a giant dissection table, so this is probably going to go the second way. “Listen Twi, not to offend you or anything, but this is really weird for me, sooo—”

“Oh, don’t worry! I’ve got a way to fix that!” She closes her eyes in concentration, and a purple aura gathers around her hands. Pretty soon, she starts to fade, until she’s completely transparent. “Okay, I’m invisible!” she calls. “Just pretend like I’m not even here!”

I roll my eyes. “I’m going to go change in the bathroom…”

“Wow, that’s exactly what Spike told me!”

After I Change…

I step into the kitchen to find Fluttershy, Twilight, and Big Mac are all sitting at the table. As I reach for the cereal at the top of the fridge, I give Mackintosh and Fluttershy a look. “Would you guys mind keeping it down a bit?” I ask grumpily. “Your ‘nightly activities’ are starting to affect my dreams.”

Fluttershy flushes a deep red. “Oh dear, I’m sorry… did you dream the part about—”

“Yes, the riding crop,” I cut her off. “Look, I know this is Fluttershy’s apartment too, and you guys can’t do… THAT at Mac’s place, but at least try not to yell at the top of your lungs.”

Mac grins sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry about that… She’s an animal, Ah tell ya!”

“And now I’ve lost my appetite,” I groan, throwing the cereal across my shoulder. “Come on, Twi, the chariot awaits!”

Twilight scoops up the last of the yoghurt in her mouth and waves to the happy couple. “Bye, you guys! Good luck at your jobs!”

As we step outside, who should we bump into but my “mistress” herself? “Hey you guys!” Spitfire smiles. She’s dressed in a (rather attractive) dark blue pilot’s uniform. “You going to work too?”

Twilight nods. “Sebastian’s going to show me around the office so that I can get a better feel for the job!”

Spitfire gives her a smirk. “Wow, you make being a pencil pusher sound SOOO exciting! Meanwhile, us poor airplane pilots are stuck flying around a stupid hunk of junk a mile off the ground! What I wouldn’t GIVE to trade places with you.”

“Hey, it’s not boring!” I say defensively. “We’re one of the few private criminal prosecutors in the country! The cops come to us and BEG for us to look at their cases!”

“Wow, how THRILLING! Wasn’t your last case about some guy trying to sneak bombs on to an airplane by shoving them up his—”

“IT WAS VERY HIGH PROFILE!!!” I yell. “I MADE THE COVER OF POPULAR LAW’S MOST BRILLIANT LAWYER OF 2019 FOR THAT CASE!!!”

She rolls her eyes. “It looks like he wasn’t the only one getting butthurt.”

“YEAAAAAAAH!!!” comes a victory cry from down the hall. We all turn to find Rainbow Dash, Soarin, and Gilda walking down the hall, all dressed in similar uniforms as Spitfire. Rainbow Dash has a devilish grin on her face. “I’m sorry, but do you want some water for that third degree BURN?!” she cackles.

Soarin puts a hand on the rainbow-haired girl’s shoulder. “Alright, Dashie, I think we put him through enough pain.”

I give Soarin a grateful smile. “Thank you Soari—”

“BECAUSE SPITFIRE’S ABOUT TO PUT SEBASTIAN IN A DOG COLLAR AND MAKE HIM HER BITCH!!!” he laughs, giving his girlfriend a high five.

“Oh, FUCK you guys!” I growl. “C’mon Twi, let’s go.” With that, I curtly walk down the stairs, my purple haired secretary following close behind.

“Aw, c’mon you big baby!” calls Spitfire. “We were just kidding!”

“I’ll see you guys after work!” I call back.

As the two of us reach the car, I notice Twilight get increasingly nervous. “What’s up, Twi?”

“Nothing… I’m just a bit scared. I mean, this is the first time I’ve actually worked at a human job!”

“Trust me, everyone will love you there,” I assure her. “I mean you might as well just sit back and enjoy your last day of not being expected to do any work.”

“But what if I’m no good? I mean, so many things could go wrong! I could mess up your files, call people the wrong names, accidently burn down the building—”

“It’ll be FINE, Twi! Just try to relax and take everything in, alright?”

“Okay…”

I turn the ignition and begin the drive. As Morris and Co. Law Firm is in the business district of Atlanta, we had a little time before we actually got to the building. Under normal circumstances, this would be great, except for the fact that Twilight decided to take it upon herself to constantly pester me about the car. “Hey, the check engine light is on!” she whispers urgently.

I shrug. “Don’t worry, it’s probably nothing.”

“Probably,” she whispers, “but there COULD be something wrong!”

“Okay, first off, WHY are you whispering?!” I ask.

“I… don’t know,” she admits sheepishly.

I sigh. “Look, I’ll check it later. Just try to relax and we’ll get there soon.”

“Fine…”

We both sit there in awkward silence as the steady sound of traffic goes on from outside of the car. Finally, I can’t take it anymore, so I turn to my companion and ask “Do you mind if I put some music on?”

She shakes her head quickly. “No, not at all!”

I smile and flip on the radio. The car is instantly filled with the sound of various wubs and static. “DAMN YOU VINYL SCRATCH!!!” I yell at the ceiling, and I instantly turn off the atrocious noise. “That is the LAST TIME I let her borrow the car!”

“So, uh… No music?” Twilight asks me nervously.

I shake my head. “We’re here, anyways.” I look outside to see the usual sight: a tall, blank building, pulled straight out of a hippie’s nightmare. The only thing that separates it from the other buildings is the plain black and white sign: “Morris and Co. Law Firm: Serving Atlanta est. 2012.”

I pull up to the parking lot to my usual spot and open the door. “C’mon, Twi,” I call from outside the car. “We’ve got about half an hour before everyone else gets here.”

“Coming!” she calls, and she steps out of the car with a thermos filled with dark coffee.

“I forgot it at the house, so I had to take a second to get it back.”

I shake my head. “How can you guys take teleporting all the time?”

She shrugs. “I guess it’s harder for humans to get used to. Now come on, I want to meet your boss!”

I scoff. “Trust me; you won’t want to see him after today.”

We step into the lobby, a rather cheaply decorated room staffed with only one receptionist. Despite the success of the firm, Mr Morris preferred to cut corners as much as possible.

“Hello, Shirley,” I say politely to the middle aged woman at the desk.

“Go fuck yourself, Sebastian,” she growls in reply, not even looking up from her nail filing.

“Glad to see you too, you saggy old bitch,” I mutter under my breath.

Twilight looks shocked. “Dear Sisters, what happened to her?”

“She’s always been like this,” I assure her. “You should see her at the Christmas parties, though; she’s a real riot then!” I stop by the mail boxes to check my mail. As I turn the combination, I feel a hot breath slide down my neck. “Uh, Twi, could you back up a bit? You’re kind of getting in my space.”

“Um, that’s not me…” she whimpers.

“You’re early,” growls a gruff voice. “You’re almost NEVER early!”

I feel a grin spread across my face. “Why hello there, Satan!” I greet cockily.

“Very funny, wise guy,” the voice growls back. I feel a rough hand on my shoulder turning me around, revealing a short, thickset man in his fifties with balding white hair and a square jaw. “Now tell me, why’d you get here so early, Espinosa?”

“Oh, Mr Morris, I thought you were someone else!” I chuckle. “I’m just showing my new secretary around the building, helping her get a grip on her job.”

He swiftly turns to Twilight and giving her a critical look. “So, you’re this new secretary Espinosa’s been raving about?”

She nods nervously. “Yes sir! I’m T-t-tina Sparks!”

He eyes her violet locks. “Is that your natural color?”

Twilight’s eyes open wide. “Of course not! I-I-I mean, humans aren’t born with purple hair!”

“Exactly,” he grunts. “You’ve got one week to wash that dye out of your hair or you’re wearing a hat every time you walk in my office. You got that?”

She nods meekly. “Yes sir…”

“And YOU!” he growls, turning to me once again. “If you start any of that funny business with THIS secretary, you can say goodbye to your Christmas bonus, we clear?”

“YES, DRILL SERGEANT!” I yell at the top of my lungs.

He sneers. “That’s what I like to hear." Turning to Twilight, he fixes a look on the poor girl. "Now, you’ve got a good fifteen minutes to look around the building, then straight to work at six. Lunch is from twelve to one, and you get out at three. Any and all overtime, you’ll get from your boss here. Do you understand?”

“Um… Yes, drill sergeant?”

The small man gives her a smirk. “You learn quickly, Miss Sparks. I’ve got a feeling we’ll get along fine. As you were.”

He marches off to the elevators, leaving Twilight completely mystified. “What was THAT all about?!”

I chuckle. “Mr Morris is an Iraqi veteran. He never quite recovered from the war.”

“How terrible!” she cries. “What happened to him there?”

“Nothing. He just never got over the training sessions.”

As we walk through the halls, I point out all the features of the building. “That’s the interns’ room,” I say, pointing at a ratty looking lounge next to the bathroom. “Never go there unless you’re going to yell at an intern. They like that. That, over there, is the evidence room. Only the techies are allowed there without Mr Morris’ permission. It’s also the only room with more than one bar of signal. That last room down the hallway is Mr Morris’ office. The only times you will enter it is if you have a death wish or Mr Morris calls you over. Not that those are necessarily two different things. Any questions?”

“Uh… Where’s your office?”

“Ah, THAT, my dear Miss Sparkle, is this lovely hovel right next to the break room. Remember, lawyers only. The secretary’s lounge is across the hall. Understand?”

Twilight has a look of resolve on her face. “I think so… anything else I need to know?”

“When Mr Morris calls for a staff meeting, he means EVERYONE: interns, secretaries, janitors, anyone who even BREATHES here on a daily basis.”

“Got it. So, when do we start?”

Suddenly, an ocean of people burst into the offices, each loaded with either papers or computers. Throughout the chaos, I see Twilight cling desperately to a nearby water tank. I give her the signal: “NOW!!!”

At Lunch…

I sit down at my usual spot in the break room, eating a lovely meal that Fluttershy had graciously made me. As I chew thoughtfully at the strange yet tasty tofu creation (no, seriously, Fluttershy can even make TOFU taste good), I’m approached by a shady-looking character who looks as if his hair is glued to his head. “Sup, Espinosa?” he grins.

I nod curtly at him. “Good day, Johnston. What brings you to my side of the break room?”

“Well, I was just going about my business when I saw a FIIIINE piece of tail walk inside your office! Care to elaborate?”

“Oh, that’s Tina, my new secretary. Why do you ask?”

“Why do I ask?! Seb, how long have we been working together?”

“Three years. And don’t call me Seb,” I growl.

“Exactly!” he laughs, completely ignoring my request. “Now, who gets all the bitches in this joint?”

“I’m pretty sure Marcos is winning,” I say, pointing out a tan man in his thirties hanging out with all the secretaries.

“Pfft! That foreigner has nothing on this fine American classic! No offense,” he adds quickly.

“Definitely offended, you racist American douchebag,” I growl.

“Anyways, you got her digits?”

“She lives in my building,” I explain. “Her place is actually right in front of my apartment.”

“DUUUUUDE!” he chants, grinning wolfishly. “You are like, the luckiest guy alive!”

“You have no idea,” I grumble.

“So, is she taken, or what?”

“She’s single, but she’s got a little brother, so…”

“Aw, man! That really sucks. I dated a girl with a little brother once. Little bastard wouldn’t leave me alone!”

“So you broke up with her?”

He suddenly starts to mope. “Actually, she broke up with me. But that’s beside the point! All I’m saying is that if she’s got a little dude running around her place, you can have her!”
I smirk. “How generous of you. Well, it’s been fun, but unfortunately, I’ve got to check up on my secretary. See you later, Johnston.”

“Later, man! And don’t forget to tell her to suck on deez!”

I pause for a minute. “Deeze wha—”

“DEEZE NUTS, MUTHFUCKA!!” he cackles, and he runs off, probably to go sexually harass some of the interns.

I sigh and shake my head. EVERY TIME! I walk towards the secretaries’ lounge to see that Twilight had already managed to secure a few of the secretaries into a loose group. “Hey Tina!” I call. “Let’s go, I’ve got a lot to show you!”

The other secretaries look at me reproachfully. Twilight, however, smiles nervously. “I’ll see you girls later,” she promises, and joins me at the doorway.

“What was that all about?” I asked my sheepish secretary.

“Nothing!” she assures me a bit hurriedly. “They’re just… in a bad mood!”

“Did they tell you what happened with my last secretary already?”

“No. What happened?”

“She and I… we got a bit frisky around to office…”

Twilight’s eyes widen in realization. “You mean you guys—”

“Right on top of Mr Morris’ desk,” I answer grimly.

“Oh, gross!” she cries in disgust. “How were you not fired?”

“I’m too good,” I say smugly. “Without me, we would never have gotten the governor’s award!”

“Well, they didn’t say anything about THAT!” she goes on. “I just… never mind. It’s something stupid.”

“You sure? I can help you with anything you need.”

I see some hesitation in her eyes, but she just turns away. “No, I don’t think you can help much with this. It’s a girl thing.”

I shrug. “Fine by me. As long as it doesn’t keep you from working, I’m good.”

Suddenly, a gruff voice comes through the intercom: “Alright, privates! Lunch break’s over. GET TO WORK!”

At Six…

“So anyways, Sheila decided that she was going to take up the whole folder station today, and she wouldn’t move for ANYONE!” Twilight raved as she picked up her purse. “I mean, I TRIED to ask her nicely, but she just smirks and turns away! I mean, how RUDE!”

“Indeed!” I agree in mock indignation while shutting down my computer. “I mean, of all the nerve in the world!”

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!” replies Twilight, apparently unaware of my humor. “I mean, I just needed to—”

“Espinosa! To my office!” calls the gruff voice on the intercom.

I look at Twilight with a sorrowful expression and make the sign of the cross. Lord, if You can hear me, just know that I’ve had a blast. Also, did you add those ramen fountains in heaven yet? I’m REALLY looking forward to that. I step into the Temple of Doom with shut eyes, preparing for the worst.

“Espinosa, glad you could make it,” Mr Morris greets me, thoughtfully chewing a cigar. That’s odd; he hasn’t threatened to have me deported yet. “I asked you to come here to talk about your secretary.”

“What’s going on with Tina, sir?” I ask.

For the first time in my life, I see Mr Morris do something I thought impossible: smile. This is either REALLY good or REALLY bad. “Espinosa, there have been a few times where I questioned my wisdom and sanity for keeping you on this crew. This is not one of those times.”

Okay, sounds good so far. “What do you mean, sir?”

“I mean Tina, your secretary!” he booms with laughter. “I tell you, she’s managed to raise the bar by forty-two percent in ONE DAY!! She’s a keeper, alright! Listen, tell her she can keep her hair as purple as she wants! Keep up the good work, Espinosa, and you’re looking at a corner office!”

“Oh, jeez, sir! I mean thanks!”

“Don’t mention it! Oh, and one more thing?”

“What is it sir?”

“Could you hand her this?” he discretely gives me a piece of paper. “Just a way for her to contact me. I might have to interview her separately… over dinner, you see.”

I roll my eyes. “Of course, sir.” I walk out of his office, wondering if his current marriage would last any longer with Twi around.

Twilight stood tentatively at the door. “So, what’d he say?”

I grin. “He LOVES you!”

She squeals in delight and hugs me. I return the hug ecstatically, and we both jump up and down like cheerleaders.

Little did I know what was in store for the rest of my day…

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