The Equestrian Refugees

by InspectorSharpWit

Chapter The Seventh

Chapter The Seventh, or "In Which Equestrians Get Schooled"

As I enter the lobby, I notice that there is an odd feeling coming from the crowd: not exactly fear, but more like cautious curiosity or unsure optimism. I look to my two partners; sure enough, Lyra is absent-mindedly playing with her hair, and Twilight is nervously chewing her lip. However, when they catch my gaze, their resolve seems to strengthen and, with this to inspire me, mine does as well.

Alright, let’s get this party started.

I approach the desk in the front of the room, causing the room to fall into silence. I put on what I hope to be a friendly, open-minded grin.

“Hello, my name is Sebastian Andres Espinosa, but just call me Sebastian. As I'm sure the Princesses have already told you, I’m the building’s only normal resident, at least by Earth standards anyway. Now, I bet you’re wondering, ‘How does he know that we’re Equestrian? How does he know the Princesses? How does he know we aren’t human? Does all this guy do in his spare time is ask himself questions that he thinks we’re thinking?’” A nervous chuckle goes through the room, and Lyra rolls her eyes at the audience. Well, that was lame. Swallowing my pride, I continue, “The answer for all these questions comes from the last source you’d think: children’s entertainment.

Right on cue, Twilight telepathically rolls out a projector and screen, and a scene plays out, with a song playing over the audio system: “My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, AAAHH…”

The audience murmurs in confusion and I'm able to catch some of what they're saying:

“What the hell is this?!”

“Well, I’ll be damned: we’re a cartoon!”

“Am I really THAT adorable?!”

“Hmm… I don’t know if this is flattering or scary…”

“We ain’t that girly…”

I smile at their reactions. “I know this is a lot to take in, so I’ll cut to the chase: it seems that your lives were unintentionally copied as a plot for this 2010 children’s TV show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, with an eerie degree of accuracy. There are of course, some changes: here, your natural forms are much more cartoonish, your personalities are a bit more childish, and your more… adult lives are kept hidden. Also, this cartoon mostly focused on the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, casting the rest of you as supporting characters. Despite this, the Bronies, or your fans, have depicted your personalities with almost astounding accuracy, even suggesting bits and pieces of the rest of your lives. Consequently, this makes it incredibly hard not to get recognized by said people, making your cover relatively easy to blow. Luckily for you, the show ended nearly five years ago with season six, and very few people regularly watch reruns of the show, so it should be slightly easier for you to hide among us. Also luckily for you, recently many urban residents of Atlanta have been taken up in a hair-dyeing fad, and if you don’t already know yet, Atlanta is the city which we are located in now. This will reduce the suspicions that you are anything but standard humans, as we don’t normally have the colors you have in your manes in our genetic code.

“That being said,” I continue, “there are still a few kinks in your behaviors that need to be adjusted for you to be able to blend into human society. The most obvious example is your use of magic; as humans don’t have the traits of magic, fire-breathing, or unassisted flight, it is critical that you conceal these talents. Even those that were previously earth-based creatures should keep a close check on their unnatural strength as it could cause many potential problems for both you and any human involved.

“What my colleagues and I are attempting to do is give you advice to help you integrate yourselves into human society without any major concerns. While there is no way to ensure that you have a complete knowledge of Earth, we can provide the general overview of the human race. Many of your own Equestrian culture traits have Earth equivalents, so it shouldn’t be too hard to adapt. Now, with this in mind, if you still have any personal questions about human society, please feel free approach Twilight, Lyra, or myself at the end of our sessions. Now, let us begin!”

Two hours later…

“…and that’s how America was founded,” I conclude proudly, receiving some polite applause. “Tomorrow, I’ll give you a brief overview of the next few hundred years. Remember, this isn’t a complete history lesson, so feel free to do some of your own research. That’s all for today.”

Everyone leaves, chattering cheerfully. I sigh in relief. It looks like I did a half way decent job on that.

Lyra gives me a slap on the back. “Alright, I think it’s fair to say that we ROCKED THAT!!!” she grins.

Twilight also gives me a smile. “I think it went well too, although I still say we left out a few holes in history - I mean, how is anyone going to sleep tonight without the whole story?!”

“Ah think we’ll manage, Miss Sparkle,” answers a deep voice behind us. I turn to see Big Mackintosh, smiling a little. “Looks like y’all did a good job on yer lesson. Cain’t say Ah wasn’t impressed.”

Twilight shakes her head in a long-suffering way. “It’s not that we DIDN’T do a good job, Mac, it’s that we didn’t teach EVERYTHING!”

Mac just chuckles. “Always the extremist, Miss Sparkle. Now, if y’all ladies’ll excuse us, Ah gotta talk Sebastian over here. Y’all have a nice night.”

Lyra gives him a mock salute. “See ya later, Big M! Later, Sebastian!” With that, both girls hurry up the stairs to their respective apartments.

I glance over at Mackintosh. “So, I assume you want to talk about Fluttershy?”

He chuckles good-naturedly. “Eeyup. Y’all humans normally this clever?”

I sigh. “I wish. Most of us can’t go through the day without messing something up.”

“Ponies are tha same way, tah be honest. I wouldn’t be so hard on yer race if Ah were you.”

“You haven’t been here long enough to realize just how wrong you are,” I smirk, “but anyways, what about Fluttershy did you want to talk about?”

“Ehh, nuthin’ much. She just gets attached so darn easy nowadays, and tah be frank with y’all, Ah’m kinda worried ‘bout this here situation…” He chews on his ever present wheat-stalk thoughtfully. “Truth be told, Ah thought she’d be a little scared of y’all, but ya seemed tah have charmed her good.”

I smile sheepishly. “Yeah, I have that effect on women - sorry about that.”

He smirks. “Slow yer roll there, loverboy. Ah didn’t say nuthin’ ‘bout her fallin fer ya. She’s just mighty attached, is all. All Ah’m askin is that y’all be delicate with her now, ‘kay? She’s been worried sick about y’all since yer little stunt, and Ah just wanna see her happy. Just try not tah put her through too much grief. Can ya handle that fer me?”

I grin. “Well, why not? For Fluttershy, right?”

He smiles. “Atta boy. Just clearin’ some air, nuthin’ to be worried about. See ya around, alrighty?”

“Alrighty, then. See you around.” I firmly shake the red-head’s hand, and he turns to walk to his own apartment. With him gone, I’m left alone in the lobby. Fluttershy’s worried sick? Huh, that’s weird… I mean, I barely know her… Maybe it’s an Equestrian thing? With this in mind, I walk up the stairs back to my apartment.

When I get inside, the first thing I notice is a little white rabbit on the sofa, legs propped up on the table and munching on a carrot stick. “Oh boy, you’re Angel, right?”

The little white rabbit looks at me coolly before returning his attention to the game show on the TV screen. Angel Bunny don’t give a fuck, huh? I grumble to myself. “Well, just… stay there, I guess. I mean, just don’t make a mess.”

No response. I just sigh and walk to the kitchen. No point in arguing with a rabbit. I go through the kitchen door to find Fluttershy cooking something. At the sound of my entrance, Fluttershy just calmly serves me what suspiciously looked like French fries and sits down at the table. I follow suit, grabbing some utensils on the way. As we both sit down, quietly munching on our food, I marvel at the taste of Fluttershy’s food. “What is it?” I ask her.

“Oh, just some hay fries,” she answers quietly. “I didn’t know what humans normally eat, so I just made these. I hope that’s ok…”

“They’re great,” I assure her with a smile.

“Oh good…” she murmurs. We both sit in silence for a while before the pink-haired girls speaks up again. “I… I saw your lesson… A-and I liked it…”

“Nice to know,” I chuckle.

“Do you think… I mean, if it’s not too much trouble… could I still live here?” she asks timidly.

“As long as you pay rent,” I reply simply.

She smiles softly. “Good… And one more thing… if you don’t mind…”

“Go on, shoot.”

“Well, Mackie and I were having some… difficulties, and I was wondering… um, how do humans… erm… get intimate?”

DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!?!

Comments

[BBJBS]

Brilliant as always! Can't wait for chapter the nexth.

[Kasena]

OH DEAR DISCORD, WHAT THE BUCK?! FLUTTERSHY asking a question about INTIMACY?!?! Oh Discord, what...I...*please excuse this - the owner of this body is currently having a mind screwed - please ignore anything she may have done that seemed irrational - thank you for flying Air Equestria*

[DopplerEffect]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

[DopplerEffect]

P.s. third

[jordanwriter]

Dear celestia, this shall be interesting.

[Grey Warden]

now this is were it gets fun.

[Thunderscratch]

I picture the last part as him just eating something as she asks that and he has a choking fit. Yeeeeessssss this story is awesome!!!!!!

[BlockBreaker911]

I can't say I didn't nearly die of laughter at the end...

[BenRG]

Hmm... Yeah; no joke. Primate (human) and equinoid plumbing isn't exactly equivalent; we're both mammals but some the details are different. I've got a horrible feeling that Sebastian is going to have to arrange for a 'tab a enters slot b' presentation.

[Petro]

1134903
Enter internet.

[JacenCaedus]

and there go any of Sebastian's hope for innocent thoughts, good job so far

[Kestrel6]

THAT ENDING!
Also Hay fries: Why have you concealed this culinary secret equine? Why?!

[Happy_McDull]

It took me 5 seconds to understand what Flutters meant. She wants to know how humans mate... Well, I bet Sebastian will have a hard time explaining the whole thing... *nervous chuckle*

[CometandAqua]

Celestia help him. For the trying to explain human sex, and what could happen to his digestive track after eating hay.