What the Heck

by Zytharros

10:13 and A Small Change

Princess Celestia was twitching. She had just eaten a metric buttload of salt. 'Cuz why not? She began to twitch magically as well, rising and lowering the sun with every flash of magic, occasionally raising and lowering the moon as well. Her heart was spasming arrhythmically, the BuckDonald's cheeseburger digesting in her gut spilling ungodly amounts of sodium into her body. She began foaming at the mouth, the salt in her veins turning the bloody pathways into gemstones.

Just a few minutes later, a filly Rarity exploded through the door, her horn glowing bright and true, as it had been doing on a journey around the world. She looked upon the jewelled effigy of the Princess and gasped.

Gasp!
Gasp!
gasp
GASP
gasp
<insert Zeeky Boogy Dick here>

As she stared at the figure, an idea in the form of a Sonic Rainboom dawned on her. She smirked at the shattered form of her leader.

Four days later, the fillies at the play were wearing Celestia's head, strung up within their garments in various colours, shapes and sizes. Rarity's cutie mark came that day.

It was a single blood red gem.
And she cackled.

---

Pinkie Pie kicked a rock and sighed. The rock sailed high and far, careening off the roof of a barn and crashing through a window. The rock fell, killing her father just as a rainbow pierced the sky.

She ran.

Her cutie mark?

A ninja-clad flaming soccer ball of death.

---

Twilight Sparkle was on the verge of failing her entrance exam. When it came time for the final test, the egg was placed in front of her. She strained and fought, but to no avail.

Then, the Rainboom happened. Her magic flew wildly out of control. She transformed her parents and all in attendance into plants and blew up the dragon. She suddenly knew everything. Knew everyone. Knew how to fix it all.

She shot a stream of magic into the sky and obliterated the moon and the entity within.

And she took over.

Thus the mark of Death itself creased her flank.

---

That very afternoon in Manehattan, Applejack was slowly being driven not to depression, but insanity by the insufferable, inconpetent incontinence of her host family. Seriously - she stood in front of the doorway and screamed cocuntry profanities laced with city curses she had picked up in the month she had been in town. When she finally did get her tuen, just as she sat down, a ray of light pierced the sky leading back to Ponyville. She smirked, and pissed gasoline as she bolted out the door. She stopped and lobbed a shit-grenade back into the house.

Thirty seconds later, the building was levelled.

A grenade dripping in gas appeared on her flank.

---

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were waiting for the start of a race. Fluttershy nervously held a checkered flag in her mouth. Seconds later, she waved it and the racers took off. One of them connected with her, but instead of falling, she stopped him cold with a hoof and killed him. Then, she tore out his soul and killed him again. The crowd didn't notice. They were too interested in the race.

"Sucks to be you, bucker," she whispered quietly.

She smirked as a hand, bent around in a cruel, awkward fashion appeared on her flank.

---

Rainbow Dash was flying faster than she ever had before. She had just passed her final opponent and was getting close to the finish line. She was also pushing the sound barrier and the light spectrum all at once to the brink of temporal disruption. Too late, she realized the cloud was too low for her to pull up safely, but when she did, she dove full force into the earth, the explosion of sound and colour tearing dirt and debris out of the earth. She conected with the ground and blew it up in a blast of rainbow-toned nuclear proportions, obliterating half the town of Ponyville.

When she came to, she had skin the sheen and toughness of twice-folded steel and a cutie mark of a kamikaze watermelon on her flank.

---

And that's how they ACTUALLY got their REAL cutie marks.

-Scootaloo.

Comments

[KillerSteel]

Very informative, Scootaloo!

"See? Told you I could write a good story!"

I'll admit, I'm impressed. You do know I'm gonna have to riff it now, don't you?

"You aren't doing it without me!"

I doubt I could.