What the Heck

by Zytharros

Sweet Celestia

A keyboard played itself in the distance. The keyboard was fudgy. Twilight Sparkle sat in her room playing darts with this keyboard. It wasn’t a long game, but the keyboard won.
So Twilight Sparkle took a letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I failed at darts! Please don’t send me back to Magic Kindergarten! I’m not a horrible student! I’ll do better next time! I know you saw me! I know you hate me! Please don’t send me back! I’m a good filly… I’m a really good filly…

She transformed into Colgate.

TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH… ALL I WANTS ARE TOOTHPASTE AND TEETH…

She started nibbling on her leg, which lopped off and became a Totodile. She transformed into PinkieShy – a Fluttershy with Pinkie Pie’s colour scheme. The Totodile ate her left bicuspid.

Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan. Six stems stop the stork from stealing streetlamps in Saskatchewan.

Then she polymorphed into Ditto and ate the letter, cackling as the next entry was written in something otherworldly as she licked Lyra’s face, her tongue exposing the wet letter.

Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover… Human lover…

Lyra took the letter and restrained the gelatinous blob. Leading her away, she caught sight of a door constantly being unlocked and locked by a sentient key. She fed it the letter, which sent it on to Princess Celestia.

This letter stinks. I think you should send Twilight to the insane asylum. She’s obviously not… HUMAN!

The letter arrived at Princess Celestia’s castle and she gasped.

Remember that time you first saw the opposite gender’s nethers as a child? The gasp was like that, except twelve million times as awesome, and twenty percent cooler. It lasted through Celestia’s transformations into Night Mare Sol, Night Mare Moon, Discord, each of the seven deadly sins, that Kate character from Lez Ponies (who promptly got jumped by every girl character in history for reasons I will not, nor EVER, explain… great story, by the way – READ IT NOW… well, after you’re done… if you’d like…), Rainbow Dash, Discord again, the reader, and the author.

The author turned into Fluttershy, who was a tree, and the writing sto-

And the author never wrote anything again.

DERPYHOOVESISBESTPONY

LOLIMSOIMMATUREITHURTS

THISISNOWADISCUSSIONABOUTSIMCITY

Buck that.

Comments

[Paper Crease]

that Kate character from Lez Ponies (who promptly got jumped by every girl character in history for reasons I will not, nor EVER, explain… great story, by the way – READ IT NOW… well, after you’re done… if you’d like…)
Shameless advertising. Probably shameless, anyways.

A lot of repetitiveness in this one, kinda takes away some of the fun from the random factor.

[Zytharros]

941288
I guess I wasn't as in tune with my seventh wall this time.
Ah well. We'll see what's stirred up next.