Picnic under the stars
It is now 5:30pm on the night of the date and I am mothefucking pumped! WHOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay not that pumped but still, doing things and at least giving this thing a shot, that's what I am here to do and nothing else.
I am at my home with the suit I picked up from Rarity, I had shaved my face down to reasonable levels, moustaches and beards are not too popular here (And a beard reminds me of the Starprick the Bearded), so it was clean shave. I did my hair up a bit too, you never look half-assed on a date, girls can and will notice since they are the masters of looking perfect and I am sure our sun-goddess Princess can tell a half-assed looking pony to a well-presented one.
I remember when I was 16, a good 7 months before I was teleported (I am 20 now, been here about 3 years, go figure), I ended up being the comfort cushion as I called myself for being the shoulder to cry on and someone to hug when relationships broke in high school, and they broke a lot. What do you expect when girls constantly date self-absorbed asshole men and the leave the good guys behind? I guess it's about time I went on a date oh I could hear Joshua Gordon going in my head about that.
Yep, the girls never learn back in high school…I just realized I never technically passed high school, not like anypony cares here, it was a month off anyway. I wonder how they are all doing right now? Probably in university or in some job that may not be the dream job.
Anywho as for me, I have a date with the Princess of the Sun, was I looking forward to it? Well yeah, we have to marry and I’ll be damned if it’s gonna be some long boring relationship with fuck all happening. I’m no bastard, I don’t go sleeping around with multiple women, I don’t fuck somepony and say “See ya never, bitch”, If I am to marry, I’m gonna be a fair husband damn you! That’s a Pinkie Promise.
KNOCK KNOCK!
What? 6:58? Already? Did I spend an hour and a half doing this? Good thing I’m ready.
I open the door and there’s Celestia and…
OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD! She’s….she’s...so damn beautiful! Look at her! She’s got a dress on that’s pure white and yellow at the edges, her wings are out and I swear there’s pure light coming out of her, that or the my brain has the romance mode on. Bottom line, holy shit ona fishstick she’s hot! Hot as the sun she controls…I’m in love.
Get that jaw back up, Jason! You look like an idiot! You can still salvage this greeting.
“Wow Celestia, you look...stunning” I say as I look her up and down.
“As do you, Jason. Now, shall we go on our date?” Celestia asks me.
“Yeah, let’s go” I answer, ready to get this show on the road.
I grabbed a couple of snacks that were in my basket as we left for the outskirts of Ponyville on a hill, we decided to teleport at first and then reveal ourselves as we go to the restaurant to make it official, otherwise I would have spent all the time here.
The stars and the moon were quite nice tonight, I wonder if Celestia had asked Luna a favor, I’m surprised Luna didn’t come to kill me the last two days, I guess Celestia told her to back off or Luna is letting me do this to an extent.
“What a beautiful night it is” Celestia comments on the sky.
“Luna must be being on her A-game for tonight it seems” I say to her, knowing full well Luna had been asked for this beautiful night.
“Yes, Lulu was always one for showing off beautiful nights whenever somepony close to her would date, although it was only ever a select few” Celestia mentions this fact to me.
I laid out the Picnic blanket across the grass, we weren’t gonna get our dress and suits dirty now were we?
“So, I must confess something, I am extremely as they call it, negligible in the art of dating” Celestia confesses.
“Really? I’d have thought a Princess like you must have picked up a few tips over the years” I honestly say my thoughts
“Oh, like with Cadence? I’m afraid my idea of love is highly outdated, I remember when potential suitors would attempt to woo my heart over in the early days by sword-fighting and romantic gestures. In modern times, that sort of thing is considered something you would see in a romance novel full of cliché.” Celestia admits her love knowledge is very outdated
“So, not even a romance novel in the least?” I ask her.
“Not in 200 years and much has changed since then” Celestia answers.
“Oh well, to tell you the truth, I have never dated before either and not too knowledgeable on dating customs here” I admit my lack of knowledge too.
Yep, the pair of us are amateurs. A Sun-Goddess and Exotic one-of-a-kind human in Equestria are amateurs at dating.
“Do tell, what are some dating customs of your world if you remember?” Celestia asks with interest.
“Well usually it’s romantic for a guy to pick the girl up, the guy pays the bill, they would tell each other about themselves and things just go on from there, either it ends up being completely boring or it ends up great that a second date ends up happening or maybe even some love happening” I explain my knowledge of love.
“That sounds much like what I have heard on love” Celestia says interestingly enought.
“I don’t see why you couldn’t have asked Cadence, she’d guide you on Love and probably do it instantly” I ask why Cadence’s help couldn’t be used.
“She was busy” Celestia answered in a "I may have forgot" tone.
“Okay, fair enough. So uh, you want to start on some of this food?” I ask her as my stomach rumbles.
“I have not eaten since lunch time so I would very much like to, what have you brought?” Celestia answers as the conveniently timed rumble in her stomach makes its mark.
“Well, there’s some hay sandwiches, Bon Bon’s delicious candy and of course, some rich chocolate mudcake” I answer, knowing she'd like the last one.
“There’s cake?” Celestia’s interest has gone up exponentially
“Why yes there is, I know how much you like cake” I say that with an all-knowing smile.
Okay so funny story for you. You see, Celestia has a diet pony…I forgot the term, and she’s evil, so evil that she forbid cake from ever being consumed, it is the most evil you can get in this country. Of course, Celestia was having none of that so she did what every sensible being does, cheats on the diet. You have three guesses where she goes to and that would explain how I know.
Yeah, she went to Sugarcube corner in secret, she convinced Mr. and Mrs. Cake to give her cakes in secret every few weeks or so at the back door, she’d pay the bits and run off with the cake without nopony any the wiser, she thought she could hide it but I knew too.
So yeah, guess you could call that little thing Cake trafficking directly into Celestia’s stomach. The best part? The diabolical diet pony hasn’t found out yet, so ninja mode over here. Oh yeah, that all happened after the whole Gabbling Gums incident or whatever it was exposing Celestia’s love for cake and my love for Rainbow Dash at the time, those devilish crusaders. One of these days those kids will get hurt, I swear.
“You know my tastes too well” Celestia comments as her mouth literally drools
Cakes, Celestia’s turn on button. Take note, any future suitor that comes for her after I die, for any reason that you would try take Celestia.
“I may have observed some cakes going out the back door if you get my drift” I say to her.
“She hasn’t found out yet” Celestia tells me as I know of whom she is referring to.
So we proceed to eat some cake, but right now my thoughts are arguing, I’d wish they’d stop.
‘Okay, so this date is going all right so far gentlemen’ I think to my thoughts…that made no sense.
‘Well? You are eating chocolate cake with the hottest fucking Princess ever, you are our hero Jason!’ Heart says waving a #1 giant hand thingy.
'Whoa there, don’t get too cocky there, this date only just started, anything can happen’ Brain reasonably says to me.
‘Yeah, I know not to diss Murphy’s law’ I roll my metaphorical eyes.
‘And not to annoy Luna too, she’ll kill us if we do’ Heart adds in.
'Look man, all I am saying is that if you play your cards right, you could get a happy relationship’ Brain puts his point forward
‘Yeah don’t worry, I got this’ I say to Brain
‘Just as long as you don’t screw it up’ Heart says
‘Like I said, I got this’ I say, ending the conversation
So we then proceeded to eat some more food…very delicious slightly fattening food. I think it’s been twenty minutes by the time we are done with our food, next conversation.
“So do tell more about yourself” Celestia asks to describe me more
Oh god not that question...who am I? What am I? What do I say? AHHHHH I HATE THIS QUESTION! Just say saything
“Well, I guess I am twenty years old, work at Sugarcube Corner, never been kissed…unless we did that while doing the thing, a blunt person something and overall just am a chill guy” I describe myself really quickly.
When somepony asks me that question, you just forget all your qualities you know? I think I did well on the question.
“You sound like you are a laid back gentleman” Celestia comments
“Well, I try to not let things get to me, so what about you?” I return the question to Celestia.
“Myself? I can’t say I am too much of interest, I am an immortal Sun Goddess, I rule Equestria with Luna, I do my best to make sure everypony is safe, I care for even the tiniest of my subjects and I love cake” Celestia describes herself.
“Very interesting, so uh, first date in all your life, how does that feel?” I ask awkwardly
“Well I’d say it’s doing just fine, I admit having no idea what to expect once again, it makes a nice change from listening to nobles or planning how to make sure Equestria stays safe, I feel like I am with Twilight on our talks back when she was my student except I feel a difference and I am not sure what is so different about it at the same time” Celestia says
We just paused for a while and Celestia's eyes, can you stop being damn beautiful for five seconds, I am trying to concentrate.
“Well, this is kind of nice, just chatting normally getting to know each other, sure beats just trying to get to know a random chick and have them say the “I have a boyfriend” line on me like back on Earth” I say after a while.
Those lines are the worst, you just can’t tell if they do have one or not because the situation is so awkward that you end up not contesting the statement.
“I can say the same, so long it has beem since I have such a refreshing conversation with somepony that isn’t Twilight or Luna. I confess that I would very much like to do this again” Celestia says
“I do too, shall we get on to the reveal?” I ask Celestia
“I suppose we must, as much as I would like to do this for the rest of the night, we have a reveal to do” Celestia answers
Celestia looks like she would very much rather be here than revealing our marriage. I feel the same way.
The pair of us got up, packed our picnic up and Celestia teleported us to the outskirts of town not too far from where my house was. (Celestia had snuck some cake down and teleported the picnic stuff back to my house, nice try Celestia I saw that)
It was time to get this over with…unfortunately…
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You need an editor. I love the story, but you really need an editor!
the demon bunny eh? i like the demon bunny
great chapter tho, cant wait for the next one
I'm guessing that for the wedding they're going to have giant cake.
Good chapter. You should put a spy in the chapter maybe rarity hey saying make it more interesting
Me, it only makes me wonder how "good" all those guys left behind actually are.
6553523
Young women and teen girls feel safer and more secure with those guys. This is because they go out of their way to throw their weight around and to appear tough. Of course, when things get difficult, they tend to get stomped and walked over. Since their illusion of strength was the only thing keeping the girl around (their personality having been grating), the girls tend to leave such guys if they prove weak. Fear of this further encourages the guys to be even bigger assholes. This is also why girls sometimes leave god guys who are unsure and, wel, wussies. Girls want to feel secure, everything else they can stoic their way through.
Ultimately, women eventually realize their asshole boyfriend is not required for them to feel secure as the women grow into themselves and more mature.Then they leave for good guys and discover that just because the good guys don't go around beating their chests and insulting people does not mean they are weak. I have seen many girls make this mistake when I've spoken to them about sme guy or other who Iis great but the girls say he's wimpy, though I know he's not (not just one guy, a good number the girls don't realize). Years later, they tell me that they wish they had heeded my advice and gone for the better guy. Sometimes it's too late.
TL;DR Girls don't know better, women do.
The interaction seems unrealistic. Like... too stiff? I'm not entirely sure. Either way, it's not believable and the characters have this one-dimensional aspect. I read this far to give this a shot. I like the concept and the general gist of where you're going with it, but the delivery needs some work. I wish you the best.
...Yeah, I'mma just post this youtube video with ironic opening lyrics here.
Heart, Brain and Himself? The way they communicate sounds all too familiar... WAIT!
orig10.deviantart.net/55ee/f/2012/204/f/8/shhh__my_common_sense_is_tingling__by_tonypineapple-d58angr.jpg
I KNOW!!!
i.imgur.com/I2utHfZ.jpg DEADPOOL'S VOICES IN HIS HEAD!!!