17 – Broken
The tears stung. Pinkamina did her best to ignore them. She focused all her attention on the fruit in her hooves, scrubbing it clean of dirt using the temple’s waters. Her hooves worked furiously, rubbing the skin off the apple-like thing she held, but she didn’t relent. It felt good to be forceful. Better the fruit than Fine’s head, right?
She knew better than to feign happiness. What was the point? She’d never be able to smile now, not until she’d got the pain in her heart to die down. Sneaking past her friends felt wrong, but at least now, sitting behind the Sanctuary, she could eat and sulk without fear of interruption. The last thing she needed was her friends asking what was wrong.
Fluttershy and Fine. Fine and Fluttershy. They belonged together, didn’t they?
She rubbed her eyes clean, then took a big bite of the fruit. It wasn’t anywhere near sweet enough for her usual tastes… but maybe that was a good thing. No, scratch that; it wasn’t bitter enough. She scowled at the fruit, but relented to another bite. Yes, definitely too sweet.
Pinkie coped.
Pinkie always coped.
The tears were burning her eyes again. She mumbled a quiet curse and splashed water in her face. It helped… a little. It didn’t make her desire to scream any less challenging to ignore.
Fine and Fluttershy would be all lovey-dovey now. Pinkamina didn’t know if she could cope with that. To see them nuzzling, to know that they were always spending time together… Well, they spent a lot of time together already, but now it would be different. They’d be doing different things, behaving in different ways, enjoying one another’s—
She snarled, the apple squashing between her hooves. A stream of juice caught her on the cheek, making her jump. The pulp dripped from her hooves, ugly and slick. She licked it off. Pinkie had no idea jealousy could be so potent. As much as she feared the idea of confessing, maybe it really would be a good idea to talk to Rarity.
No… not Rarity.
Princess Luna. Was there any other pony more qualified? Maybe she could use Fine’s potion that he never bothered to tell anypony he’d brought. That assumed it would work for her, of course.
Pinkie convulsed. She leaned forward, propping herself over the water and sucking down long gasps. Her knees wobbled, her stomach churned, her heart pounded! Different parts of her body wiggled, twitched and jerked at random, making it impossible for her to do anything but brace and wait it out. Even as she did, an intense horror came over her: the Doozy was happening. Right now.
“Hey, Fluttershy! Where are you going?”
Despite her sporadic control, Pinkie managed to raise her head to Rainbow’s voice. She was just in time to see Fluttershy dart past at high speed. The sight sent fresh shivers down Pinkamina’s spine, but her body still refused to respond to her commands. “R-R-Rainb-b-b-ow…”
With a jerk, her entire body went limp and she fell into the water. The powerful currents served little challenge to her determination, and within a few seconds she’d swam across and pulled herself back onto dry land. She looked up to see Rainbow’s tail disappear through the temple’s rear exit where Fluttershy had run.
Polar landed next to her. “Are you alright?”
Pinkamina thrust her hoof forward, not even looking at him. “Stop Fluttershy! Whatever she’s doing, it’s part of the Doozy!”
“But are you—”
“There’s no time!” She ran, hooves pounding the stonework as she all but flew into the dark tunnel. She knew she could keep up with Rainbow if she really needed to, and this definitely qualified as one of those occasions. A hundred horrible scenarios circled her mind, each more terrible than the last. What if Fluttershy ran into the gargoyles? What if there was something worse than those out in the Wilds? Whatever was about to happen, she was sure it would be terrible unless they caught up to the fleeing pegasus.
Pinkamina burst out of the tunnel behind the temple, the sunlight almost blinding her despite the thick forest in this area. Her direction came on instinct, and soon she was plowing a path through the underbrush. Thorns dug into her skin, limbs slapped at her face, roots attempted to snag her hooves. She ignored all of it, her Pinkie Sense telling her exactly where she needed to go. “Fluttershy! Where are you?”
“Pinkie! We’re here!”
She caught the direction of Rainbow’s voice at the same time her sixth sense had redirected her. Her pace quickened even more, despite the way her lungs already ached. Her mind prepared for the worst even as she silently begged for the best.
Pinkamina vaulted over a fallen log and slid to a stop. There, in the middle of the forest, Fluttershy lay on her barrel, hooves over her eyes and entire body trembling. Rainbow was standing over her protectively, but with a face marred by concern. Were she not huffing for breath, Pinkie might have heaved a sigh of relief. She trotted to her two friends, head swiveling in search of threats. None existed. They were alone amongst the thick underbrush with barely enough room to stand together. For all intents and purposes, they were hidden from the world.
Rainbow leaned down to nuzzle Fluttershy’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? Did the gargoyles come back?”
Fluttershy just kept trembling.
Pinkamina saw this and felt something vile rising inside of her. She’d just had physical confirmation that The Doozy she’d been dreading all this time had finally begun, and all she’d got for it was this? ‘This’ wasn’t good enough. Fluttershy had beaten her to Fine Crime, acted all innocent and ignorant, made her watch as Fine grew more and more infatuated, and now she was going to deny her this much needed information?
Not a chance.
She grabbed Fluttershy by the shoulders and hauled her to her hooves. She shook the pegasus so hard Fluttershy’s head whipped around. “Talk! What’s going on?”
“Whoa, Pinkie!” Rainbow grabbed her foreleg. “Calm down, alright?”
“No.” Pinkamina leaned close, glaring into Fluttershy’s teary eyes. “The Doozy is happening. It’s happening now. Something bad is happening. Tell me what’s happening!”
Fluttershy’s lips trembled, her face scrunched up in an effort to regain control. “He… H-he… He said he loved me!”
Pinkamina wanted to scream so badly. Instead, she grit her teeth and prepared another shake.
Rainbow’s dumbfounded voice broke through her thoughts. “Wait, what? Somepony asked you out?”
With a groan, Pinkamina released Fluttershy and stepped back. “Of course Fine said he loved you, he’s loved you for months now! The Doozy, Fluttershy, what about the Doozy?”
Fluttershy’s eyes nearly burst out of their sockets. “You knew? Y-you mean you knew all along?”
Pinkamina threw her hooves into the air. “Yes!”
Rainbow chuckled. “He’s been pretty obvious about it, actually.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Fluttershy looked between them, her hooves raised as if to reach for them. They were shaking. “I really would have wanted to know that!”
Pinkamina dropped to her haunches and made an imploring gesture. “Pu-lease, tell me what the Doozy is!”
Rainbow gave her a skeptical look. “You mean Fine and Fluttershy being a couple isn’t ‘doozy’ enough?”
“We’re not a couple!”
Pinkamina’s anger disappeared in a flash. Her legs fell limp at her sides and she stared uncomprehending at Fluttershy. “What do you mean, you’re not a couple?”
Rainbow facehooved. “Shy, you didn’t chicken out, did you? All you had to do was say yes.”
Fluttershy drew back from them as if stung. “I can’t do that.”
“Sure you can.” Rainbow waved her hoof dismissively, not catching Pinkie’s ongoing stupor. “It’s just one word. Look, you can practice with me. Just say—”
“I don’t want to say yes.”
Pinkie swayed erratically. “Y-you mean… You mean you said no?”
“Of course I said no.” Fluttershy’s face twisted into an ugly expression of revulsion. “I would never date Fine. We’re completely incompatible.”
Rainbow sputtered. “Incompatible? You two hang out all the time. You’re practically best friends.”
Pinkie was frantically scouring her memories. Fine had always been so blatantly focused on Fluttershy, but had she ever shown any sign of returning his interest? Now, to Pinkie’s ever-growing horror, she realized she’d never seen any. She’d been so focused on Fine and her own jealousy, she’d not paid much attention to Fluttershy’s reactions. But she’d been so certain. They were—
Fluttershy’s voice became firm. “I like Fine as a friend. Nothing more. He’s great to be around, he’s loyal and friendly and charming and smart. But I would never date him.”
“But… B-but…” Pinkie licked her dry lips. “But why?”
Now Fluttershy’s expression hardened to match her tone. “Because he doesn’t value life. Being cured of the Bloodmane hasn’t slowed down his kill rate. He orders the deaths of ponies regularly. I know, he’s told me about it. His answer to every problem is violence and death. I had to force him to promise not to kill Fang during the duel. What makes you think I would ever, ever choose to live my life with somepony so far removed from the very foundations of Harmony?”
Silence filled the air. Fluttershy’s gaze didn’t falter, her expression steely.
Rainbow rubbed her mane back. “Uh, wow. I had no idea you felt that way.”
Pinkie’s mind was running at full tilt. Never before had she felt a real desire to hit one of her friends, much less Fluttershy. Yet when it came down to it, she could only think of one thing to say. “You said no.”
“Yes.” Fluttershy’s expression softened. “But… B-but poor Fine, I just couldn’t—”
“You said no.”
Fluttershy blinked. “Umm, Pinkie?”
“You said…” Pinkie bowed her head, still processing the news. “You said no.”
“Hey.” Rainbow set a hoof to her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“You said…” Pinkie sucked in a sharp breath. Then she turned and bolted.
Rainbow’s voice tailed her. “Whoa, hey! Where are you going?”
She didn’t answer. She barely heard the question. Her mind was consumed with Fine’s face, his hurt expression, his pain. Fluttershy ran away before she could see it. Out of all the responses she could have offered, that was unquestionably the worst.
Fine needed help, and he needed it now.
“Whoa, Pinkie, what’s going—”
She blew past Polar without so much as a glance.
Into the temple she galloped, her legs and lungs burning from the effort all over again. She passed by Nye before he even had a chance to speak. The courtyard appeared, and she leapt over the hole in the Sanctuary in a single bound. She prayed for Fine to be there, for him to have taken it better than her fears suggested. He would bounce back from this, he had to!
Even out of breath, Pinkie managed to call out “Fine!” the instant she exited the temple. Her attempt to stop failed spectacularly, sending her on a tumbling fall. As soon as she stopped rolling, she leapt to her hooves and scoured the area.
Her heart sank; Fine was nowhere to be seen.
“Fine. F-Fine?” She sucked in sharp breaths, struggling to get the name out. “Where are you? Fine?”
She trotted a circle, scanning every tree and shadow and stone. Her heart pounded as much from worry as from exhaustion. “Fine, talk to me. Where are you?”
She paused directly under Luna’s statue, shoulders heaving and stomach churning. “Please. Please, be okay.” Another circle. Her heart sank.
He was gone. She fell to her haunches and stared out towards Tidal. “Oh, Fine. Come back.”
The tears had returned. She made no attempt to stop them. Pinkie merely bowed her head and let them flow.
“Why did she have to say no?”
A day passed. The Night Eye warriors accepted responsibility of protecting the Temple of Tides while the Guardian Tribe set about licking the wounds of its recent battle. Elder Candid had been imprisoned along with the soldiers who fought alongside him. Fang, on the other hoof, had been allowed to remain free. Everypony knew she would honor her commitment and go to Equestria, and the Elders were not willing to break her oath by imprisoning her as well.
A ceremony was held in the town square for the thestrals who had died the day and night before, attended by both tribes. Messengers had been dispatched with the intention of gauging the reactions of all the other tribes to Luna’s return. The first response wasn’t expected for at least two weeks. Elders Evergreen and Serrated Tongue planned for peace, but Elder Iron wanted to prepare for battle. Elder Bright Eyes, erring on the side of caution, agreed. With Candid stripped of his title and Fang’s father still away, there could be no consensus. Thus the tribe prepared for both possibilities. The Night Eye thestrals eagerly agreed to act as military support, freeing the majority of Tidal’s thestrals for other things.
Progress, it seemed, was being made.
Pinkie didn’t care about any of it.
She lay on her cot, staring at the ceiling but seeing nothing. The room was dark, even considering it was night. She tried not to think, which only made her think more. Fine’s face kept coming back to her, always pained, always defeated, and it left a hole in her heart.
She just felt so… tired.
“Pinkie?”
She scowled and turned away even as Fluttershy stepped into the room. Pinkamina didn’t speak. She hadn’t said much at all since they’d returned.
Fluttershy spoke softly, hesitantly. “I thought you would want to know, but another team came in. There’s still no sign of Fine.”
Pinkamina said nothing. She merely curled into a slightly tighter ball.
Hoofsteps. A sigh. “Pinkie, please. You’ve been lying there for hours. We need your help.”
Vicious thoughts ran through Pinkie’s skull. She bit her lip to keep from saying something she knew she’d regret later. A long silence passed between them.
“Won’t you at least tell us what’s wrong?” A long pause. “Are you… mad at me?”
She could actually ask that? Pinkamina jerked her head up to deliver a one-eyed glare, and Fluttershy recoiled. Still, Pinkamina held her tongue. Her message delivered, she lay her head back down.
“Pinkie, why? What did I do?”
The dam broke. Pinkamina was on her hooves and jamming her muzzle into Fluttershy’s before she even registered her own movement. “How can you ask that? You said no!”
The pegasus retreated from the outburst until her hindquarters hit the wall. “W-what? That doesn’t explain—”
“You weren’t supposed to say no!” Pinkamina stomped once, twice, three times, each with more force. “You— After he— While I was—” She threw her head back and screamed. “Fine is hurting now and it’s all your fault!”
Fluttershy sank lower and lower to the floor with every word. “But I didn’t know. Why didn’t anypony tell me? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it wasn’t my place!” Pinkamina jerked away, not wanting her tears to be seen. She took a few deep breaths, allowing her to speak in a softer tone. She couldn’t get the bite out of it, though. “It wasn’t my place to tell you. Fine needed to do it himself. B-besides… It… I-It…”
It hurt too much to think about.
The silence returned, but only briefly.
“Pinkie, had I known about it, I would have stopped it. The last thing I wanted was for Fine to get hurt.”
“I know.” Pinkie rubbed her eyes. It didn’t help. “I know you didn’t. But he did get hurt, and I can’t do anything about it. He… He left us.”
A soft hoof touched her shoulder. “He’ll come back. Fine wouldn’t abandon us.”
Pinkie looked at the hoof, then to Fluttershy’s trusting blue gaze. It was almost enough to make her retch. “He’s not coming back, Fluttershy.”
There was that sweet smile. “Oh, of course he is. Fine is—”
“You don’t understand!” Pinkie pulled away, her gaze dropping to the stones at her hooves. “I thought you knew him better than that. He’s not in his right mind. He’s never done this before.”
Fluttershy shifted in place. “Umm… You’re right, I don’t understand.”
Pinkamina sighed. “He’s a loner. He’s never been interested in a mare. You… You’re the first one to catch his attention.” She looked to Fluttershy’s uncertain eyes. “He pinned everything on you saying yes. There was so much he wanted, and you slammed the door in his face.
“He’s not just hurting, Fluttershy. You broke him.”
Fluttershy’s eyebrows rose. “It can’t be that bad. Can it?”
After a few seconds of quiet staring, Pinkamina climbed back into her cot and flopped onto her side, facing away from Fluttershy. “Fine’s on his way back to Equestria. He’s not thinking straight. He just knows he’s in pain and wants it to stop. So he’ll go back to his job. He thinks it’s all he has left.”
After a time, Fluttershy whispered, “I guess that would make some sense. B-but, you don’t know I hurt him that badly… right?”
The desperate plea in her voice was as clear as day. Pinkamina curled up yet again. “He’s a broken pony. He was always broken. I get broken ponies.”
“Pinkie?”
“Please. Just leave me alone.”
Another one of those unpleasantly long pauses.
“Alright, Pinkie. But if you want to talk about it, you know where to find me. I’m sure Rainbow and Nye would be willing to listen too.” Hoofsteps announced Fluttershy’s departure, but they stopped at the door. “I know you blame me for this. I don’t mind. I’ll always be your friend.”
She was gone. Pinkamina didn’t relax. If anything, she only felt worse. Why had she said it was Fluttershy’s fault? That wasn’t true at all, and she knew it. So why did she say it was?
The answer was obvious; because she wanted it to be. She wanted Fluttershy to be responsible. It redirected the blame. Yet Pinkie knew that some of the guilt fell on her as well. Had she recognized where things were going, she might have made a move for Fine herself. Even if it didn’t amount to anything, maybe Fine wouldn’t have fallen so hard and…
And what?
Pinkie let out a quiet moan. She wanted to point a hoof at somepony, but things weren’t that simple. Fine was out there in the jungle, walking home and feeling like his heart had been ripped into a million pieces.
Hers didn’t feel much better. She’d been so useless this entire trip. How pathetic she must seem. And to top it off, she had failed at the one and only reason she wanted to come on this trip. She had intended to help Fine, to let him…
She groaned and covered her face. She didn’t even know what she’d intended to do. All she’d known was that Fine was going, and that made her want to go as well. Had she been so desperate to finally be with a pony as broken as she was that she’d ignored the pointlessness of her very presence? She didn’t bring anything worthwhile to this team!
“I shouldn’t even be here,” she whispered.
Walking. Nothing more, nothing less. Just walking. One hoof in front of the other.
Fine stared at his hooves. He focused intently upon them, taking in every feature. His ears remained high, seeking out every sound. His nose sniffed in a slow, steady rhythm as he absorbed what scents he could. He focused on all his senses at once, drowning in as much of the jungle as could be obtained for his brain.
We’re completely incompatible.
A whimper escaped his throat, squeezing out between shaking lips. He focused even harder on his surroundings. Drown in the world. Don’t think about it. The pain would go away… wouldn’t it?
I don’t want to say yes.
A knife twisted in his chest. He stumbled, barely able to hold back a sob. Despite all his efforts, a single thought forced its way through his skull: why hadn’t he seen this coming?
Of course they were incompatible. Fine was a cold blooded killer. Fluttershy was an angel. How could he have been so…
No. Don’t think about it. Ponies survived things like this all the time, right? Just because he’d never known what it was like to have his heart shattered, that didn’t mean—
He was still thinking about it!
He brought his trembling hooves to his face. Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus on his heartbeat, not the claw trying to rip the organ out. Think about something else. Anything would do.
He’d been gone… two days now? That sounded right.
Two days. Forty-eight hours. Shouldn’t he have gotten over the pain by now?
“Stupid.” He hit himself on the head lightly. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” And again with more force. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!”
He had tears on his cheeks. Again. He stared up at the jungle canopy, body limp and throat dry. He’d abandoned Tidal without any provisions, and his hunger and thirst couldn’t overwhelm the despondency. There’d been no thought, no choices, no planning. At the time, all Fine had known was that the little dream he’d been cultivating for over a year had blown up in his face. The pain had been so sudden, so overwhelming…
He heaved a sigh and resumed walking, eyes once more on his hooves. He climbed over hills and walked right through the undergrowth. He didn’t need a map to know his way home. There was only one direction to go, after all.
Home. Work. If he could just get to his place, he could drown himself in it. No more friends, no more love, no more pointless hoping. He would be the Mane Archon, maybe write some bad poetry. He had too much respect for prose to dump his feelings all over the pages of a novel, even if the moronic young adult bracket would eat it up like candy. Morose, self-loathing, extra-violent candy.
Fine despised the young adult market.
Right now? He despised himself even more.
He doesn’t value life.
It was true. He knew it was true. How many had he killed? Assassinations carried out, ponies he didn’t bother to help? How many lives had he snuffed out with just the scribbling of a quill? He’d commanded the deaths of hundreds even before Riptide, to say nothing of the lives he had ended as a Bloodmane. He was the most terrible pony in Equestria, allowed to get away with his crimes because they were useful crimes.
Fluttershy was right to loath him. He deserved it.
He doesn’t value life.
Why did it seem so obvious now? Now, when it was too late.
He couldn’t change. Worse, he didn’t want to change. That fact frightened him. He should want to change for her. Maybe if he cared more, worked a little harder, tried…
What was the point? She wouldn’t change her mind. Now that reality had slapped him in the face, he wasn’t sure he wanted her to. Being saddled with his corruption could only cause her pain. No, best to go back home and pretend none of this ever happened. Forget friendship, forget hopes.
He realized he’d fallen into the mental trap. Again. The same litany of depression and loss and self-loathing, repeated in a seemingly endless cycle. With a groan, he focused on his surroundings once more, and his hunger. Distractions would… He blinked, then raised his head. Silence. No bird calls, no animals in the underbrush. All the world seemed to have stopped. And he felt it, a strange weight, as if the very air weighed him down.
Turning his head to and fro, Fine gathered his bearings. He knew were some grapes grew nearby from a previous outing. But first, he needed water. As much as he could use the hunger and thirst to distract from his stinging heart, he’d never survive the full journey home without eating and drinking at some point. Fine was miserable, but he wasn’t prepared to die just yet.
Death was the easy way out.
Pushing through the underbrush, Fine soon found a familiar path. He trudged through rotting leaves, tumbled his way over jagged hills. It seemed like only yesterday they had been encamped nearby, waiting for Polar to come back with his friends who they hoped would prove friendly. Such happier times. Ignorance truly was bliss.
The weight pressed harder and harder on Fine’s mind, reassuring him of his path. Maybe he could lounge here for a while. The added force might make him think of other things. Other ponies. Ponies who weren’t beautiful and capable of wrenching your heart out with a single word.
Goddess, but he hated his self-loathing. If only he could think of something else.
That something else always ended up being Fluttershy’s face, fiercely determined in her dedication to never be with him. He wanted to beat his head against one of these trees. Maybe the pain would help him forget.
“Damn it,” he hissed. “Stop thinking about her!”
With one last push of some low limbs, Fine found himself in a clearing next to a familiar sight: The Weeping Waters. The ponds were as still and quiet as he recalled. The sky glowed a bright red as dusk approached. Was it the end of day two or three? Fine had been so lost in his misery, he wasn't as sure as he'd initially thought.
It didn’t matter. Nothing much did anymore. With this forlorn thought, he trudged to the water’s edge, dragging his hooves the whole way. Carefully, he stepped into the pond. The water was so clear he could easily see the bottom. He took small sips, wetting his throat and dry lips. A thought occurred, and he approached the edge where the waters grew deep.
As his hooves touched the edge, he stared into fathomless depths. His pulse quickened at the sight. Nervousness, hesitancy, a quiet desire to retreat. If he fell in, would he be able to pull himself back out? The thought sent shivers down his spine.
Fear. Perhaps fear could be his salvation, at least for a time. So he stood there, hooves stiff to prevent their shaking, his wide eyes set on the still surface of the water. He let his lifelong fears pull him in. Teeth chattering, heart pounding, head slowly lowering, thoughts of Fluttershy began to fade. Replacing it was the simple, powerful desire to get away from the grave, from the eyes, from the thing he could never defeat. Yes, this would be enough. If he could just focus…
He leaned closer, peering at an enemy he’d always known. Maybe there were no more serpents, but one fear did not equate to another. The depths looked back, and he met them, stare for… stare? Wait, there really were—
Ah, another one.
His body moved. He did not command it. Nothing grabbed or pushed him. His legs did not slip. He simply fell forward.
He opened his mouth to cry out, only for clean, pure water to fill the void. His world blurred, his legs flailed, his thoughts collapsed. Already, panic seeped into his unprepared mind. He twisted, trying to find the ground. His hooves touched nothing. The light had already faded. No words came to his mind, no ideas or plans or goals. He operated on pure adrenaline and survival instinct, a clawing, desperate urging for him to get out of the water now!
Calm down.
Calm down? How was he supposed to calm down? He was going to drown!
You’re not going to drown. What good would that do me?
Fine tried screaming. Water pushed its way into his throat. His chest heaved, his eyes darted through the darkness. Where was he? Why couldn’t he move? He had to get out of here!
I see. Well, this makes things easier.
Easier? Easier? He was about to drown! He kicked, he begged in silence, he sought desperately for some sign of light. He saw none. A fire engulfed his lungs, more intense than any he’d ever known, and he’d faced dragonfire. He squeezed his eyes shut, and upon doing so he saw… he saw…
Eyes?
Sharp, draconic, yellow eyes.
Strange. He’d expected the last image before his death to be of Fluttershy, or Luna, or maybe his parents. Seeing his mother would have been nice. But yellow eyes?
Ah, you’ve calmed. Good.
The burning sensation ceased. Fine’s lungs took in no more water, but neither did they draw in air. He simply drifted in nothingness, his movements sluggish and his thoughts slow.
Let me in, pony.
A… voice? What was this?
Questions later. Do you want to live or not?
Fine’s mind churned through that query. Facts gradually came to him. He was underwater. He was dying. So this was…
Death?
It doesn’t have to be.
But what could save him? He certainly couldn’t save himself. And why was he suddenly so lucid?
My doing, of course. I can keep you around for only so long, however. I need a decision. Let me in, or drown.
But who was it?
You have more important things to worry about.
Perhaps. He was about to die. Supposedly. Could this voice really keep him alive?
I can do more than that. I can bring you back to the surface.
Fine opened his eyes, but all was darkness. He could sense the panic deep in the back of his mind. Something else was there. Something he’d become intimately familiar with only recently; despair.
That’s right. He’d been letting the fear in to escape his despair. To escape thought of her. Fluttershy… She hated him.
What is it with you mortals and romance? I never understood how it could bring so many so low.
Romance. Fine wilted at the word. To think, it had been his favorite genre to write. None of his stories could possibly capture the ache he felt at that moment. He doubted it had anything to do with the way his lungs were prepared to burst. No, too high up in the chest.
Pathetic.
Fine felt light-headed. His eyes grew heavy. He realized something had changed. A wall had fallen. He could erect more, but…
Why bother? You don’t care about anything. You’re just a miserable whelp who can’t even get a mare to acknowledge him.
This thing knew nothing about Fine. Its methods were obvious, as were its intentions. And, now that he thought on it, he realized that it had a name.
So, you’ve heard of me.
Yes. Yes he had. It didn’t matter. Another mental barrier had already fallen. Fine knew he had no options. Maybe if he’d realized it earlier, he could have stopped it. Now? He couldn’t even take death over what was happening.
Would you?
Yes. Yes he would.
I doubt it.
Fine didn’t fear death. Death was a release, an escape from pain. Knowing the alternative, Fine would have let himself drown rather than succumb to this. But he had panicked, hadn’t he? Like a childish foal.
Such bravado. I’m almost tempted to believe it.
Fine felt no fear, not anymore. He knew he’d live, if not as himself. This was only a minor setback. In the end, everything would go back to the way it was, and he’d slink back to his isolated mansion. Away from Ponyville. Away from his friends. Away from Fluttershy.
Survival provides no comfort, hmm? That’s good. I can work with that.
Fine closed his eyes and let himself drift.
He awoke sputtering and clawing his way out of the pool. Collapsing in the mud, Fine chose to simply lay there and recover his breath. The world spun in his vision, his head throbbed, his heartbeat gradually died down. Where was he? Why was he soaked to the bone? He struggled to remember what he’d just been doing.
His legs moved before he was ready, lifting him into a slumped standing position. His head rose and he took in the dark jungle ahead. Yes, jungle. That was familiar. Right, he’d been near the ponds and… and then what?
“I’m out.”
Wait, what? He hadn’t meant to say that.
“I’m out. I’m finally out!” Laughter erupted from his throat, unbidden and unwanted. His legs wobbled, then he hit the ground chest-first. “Whoa! I forgot how limiting having a physical body can be.”
Those weren’t his words.
“Would you shut up for a second? I need to figure out these legs of yours.”
Everything came back in a flash. If Fine had access to his vocal cords, he might have groaned. Perfect. Why can’t you legends ever not be based on fact?
“Figured it out already, eh, Fine?” He stood on shaking legs and grinned. He took a deep breath and exhaled equally slowly. “Ah, air. I had forgotten what it was like. You come to appreciate the little things when you’ve been stuck in a pond for a few centuries.”
What Fine wouldn’t give to be able to roll his eyes. Yes, yes, ancient immortal being, first taste of freedom, all that tripe. Get it out of your system already.
He frowned. “Someone’s a sour bit of cheese tonight.” Then the smile came back in full force. “But you’re right, I think I will indulge! Let’s see…”
A strange sensation came over Fine, like a worm might be digging into his skull. He wanted to reach up and scratch at the spot just behind his horn, but his leg refused to obey him. What are you doing?
“Searching for some knowledge. A-ha! Fruit over that way?” His head twisted in the direction Fine recalled there being some berry bushes. “Food. Now there’s an indulgence.” He pranced forward, a silly grin on his face.
Fine thought nothing. He merely took in his situation and probed. Well, he wasn’t sure what to call it. Feeling? Scanning? Looking? None of it really fit. All he could tell was that, somehow, he could examine his own… head? No, that wasn’t right either. Whatever the case, it felt like being in a prison of some sort, and he examined the metaphorical walls closely.
His horn glowed a brighter shade of red than normal, and Fine was startled to see entire trees uprooted and tossed aside like trash. I can’t do that.
“Maybe you can’t, but I can.” He smirked as he stepped over the open pits left behind. “It may take me some time to learn something other than basic levitation.”
I thought you were supposed to be a super-powerful mage.
“Did you not just see me rip those trees out of the ground?”
…point taken.
With a scoff, he ripped branches from a tree, clearing a path to the berries. “Do you know how many forms I’ve taken on? I have to learn how to utilize magic in each one from scratch. Only the bare basics are ever the same.”
You’re awfully chatty for a villainous tyrant.
“And you’re awfully chatty for a pony who just lost control of all his physical functions, not to mention getting his heart crushed by the mare of his dreams.” He paused to scowl at nothing in particular. “Most creatures I do this to are screaming or begging for release by this time.”
Would it do me any good?
“No.”
There you go.
The creature barked a quick laugh. “I like you. You might be a worthwhile mental companion. That’s an entirely new experience.” He tried grabbing a berry, only for it to squish when he pressed with his levitation spell too hard. Grimacing, he tried a second berry with the same result. Cautiously, he looked at the bottom of his hoof. “I hate being a pony. I never got the hang of these things.”
Fine made no attempt to answer, which led to the scowl deepening. “A little help?”
I thought the almighty Rex would be above asking for help.
“That’s Lord Rex to you, Verity Fine Crime. Now how do I work these stupid hooves?”
I don’t have to tell you anything. What are you going to do, talk me to death?
Grumbling, Lord Rex attempted to grab a berry with his hoof. It failed to catch. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to root around in your memories, then.”
Go ahead.
His eyebrows nearly hit his horn. “Doesn’t that bother you?”
Fine was tempted to groan, but remembered he couldn’t anyway. I already gathered you could do it when you said my name right out of the pond. Besides, it doesn’t matter.
“It doesn’t?”
No, because you won’t be in control for very long.
The grin came back in full spread. “What are you going to do, talk me to death?”
Smugness filled the tone of Fine’s thoughts. Oh, not me. Just some friends. They won’t let this slide.
Lord Rex laughed, his guffaws filling the still jungle air. Just as abruptly, they stopped, and he gained a hard expression. Menace dripped from his words. “I’ll rip off their hides and use them for furniture.”
Deep inside, Fine chuckled. Do your worst.
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You have to have some experience with depression, because there's no way you could have portrayed Fine and Pinkie's emotions so perfectly otherwise.
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Not me, no. Or at least, no more than anyone else. But I have witnessed it in others, such as my mother.
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Ah, ok. That kinda sucks, man.
Fluttershy you idiot. Even if you didn't return Fine's feelings, you didn't have to be such a jerk about it. I don't blame Pinkie one bit for being so mad at you. After you find out what happened to Fine because of you, I hope you feel seriously guilty.
There are a number of reasons why I didn't like this chapter...
Least of which is Fine's reaction to the whole thing...
"Hey, I know I'm not in my right mind... I have an idea! Let's go for a swim! Because what better way to make me feel better than to remind myself of my own crippling fear of drowning!"
Yes, Verity. That's a great idea... You've already established that you didn't want to die, so knowing full well that you can't swim, you proceed to fall literally head first into a lake you know you can't reach the bottom in.
And then you get taken over by some ancient monstrosity... Because of course you do...
And just to top it off, said monstrosity now plans on terrorising (attacking?) your 'friends' so all you can do is taunt it knowing full well that it has complete control of your body, and can take any previous memory you've ever had and recall it regardless of whether or not you want it to...
Yep, great plan you got there...
Pinkie too, had a rather poor showing of what's going on...
"Hey, I'm feeling all super bad about Fluttershy saying no to dating Fine. Despite the fact that he's now gone missing, and I probably have the best sense of finding ponies. I'm going to sit here and be miserable about it, blaming Fluttershy for something she never meant to do and just be a general bitch...
After all, he's just the one pony I've been able to truly relate to regarding my former life, and have fallen in love with."
Essentially my reaction to this entire chapter:
Fluttershy: You said the right thing, and you didn't know that Fine was eavesdropping on you after the fact, but a straight answer is better than a lie to -try- and save their feelings
Pinkie: DON'T JUST SIT THERE, DO SOMETHING!
Verity: You're an idiot
That is all.
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No offense intended, but you've really gotta pay more attention to what you're reading. The things that you shouldn't have missed, but somehow did:
1) Somehow – and I have no idea how – you missed everything I put in there meant to indicate that Fine did not intentionally fall into the water. For starters, go all the way back to the chapter Water Hazard and re-read the part where Nye's looking into the water. Second, re-read this more recent part with Fine. If you're observant, you'll note a few things.
Can't say anything regarding Fine's 'plan' as you call it, because spoilers, but I will note that you don't know anywhere near as much as you think you do about how Rex is controlling Fine. Some things will be made a little more clear in that regard before too long.
2) Pinkie makes her position clear: Fine is not just going to be 'found' by ponies and thestrals going out looking for him. He's going home. She knows exactly where he's going, and hunting for him won't do any good. As for her jumping Fluttershy? Of course she did. She's miserable and pissed. Fine's not the only one not thinking straight right now. Pinkie is, for lack of any better terms, in a state of shock. Meet someone else in a similar mental state and I bet 9/10 odds they'll be just as unreasonable.
3) Fluttershy... Eh, nothing really to say here. You more or less hit exactly the note I was after.
(I read this about an hour after it came out, just didn't remember to comment at the time, hence why some details seem lost)
I see the point of where Fine didn't want to fall into the water...
Sure, he knelt (leaned) over to have a drink...
But... well, let me quote here...
Yeah, walking right up to the edge of where the water is too deep to stand, again, knowing full well you can't swim...
Seems legit...
I see (again) that he was controlled to 'fall' into the water, but... repeat previous sentence... Common sense should've stopped him from walking TO that edge full stop.
point 1.5 yeah, kinda makes sense I have no idea how he's controlling Fine... As you said, because spoilers, so, we'll learn that soon enough...
2) I just don't quite get why Pinkie is so miserable... Yeah, sure, the pony you've grown fond of is in pain, and you can't do anything to help... But isn't this kinda a good thing for her in the future? Since she won't have to watch them fawn over each other and watch with "what could've been?"..... Sure, Fine's not happy now, I get it, but why is she sad that Fluttershy said no? Wouldn't that mean she could concoct a plan of some sort to put her at the top of his priorities list?
Her reaction is just so... I hate to say it, but it's just so "put on" for the only reason being 'because the plot demands her to'
I would be disappointed at the one who turned them down, sure... But if I'd been friends with them for (Celestia knows) how many years, I'd understand where they're coming from and see what's happening for the long term...
Yeah, I just don't get why Pinkie is acting this way... To me, it makes no sense to be THIS upset...
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Eh, I'll accept that Fine stepping up to the edge of the depths wasn't in his best interest, but he was trying to find something, anything to distract from what he just went through. What would you rather face: an unknown horror you don't know how to deal with, or a fear you've been facing all your life? Fine's logic might have been a little off, but at least there was some logic behind it.
To Pinkie, her behavior is all based on one simple fact: Pinkie Pie is a good pony. Better than we are as people in a lot of ways. In this instance, is it really right to take what just happened and immediately jump to "How can I twist this in my favor"? It clearly isn't, and while that may be the immediate reaction of most people, Pinkie is better than that.
The big mistake you're making here is that you think Pinkie's concerns, frustrations and fears in this chapter are all based upon Pinkie. They aren't. Her thoughts are almost 100% on Fine Crime, how he feels, and her awareness that she can't do anything for him. She can't go to him now, the temptation to shift the attention to her is too great. That would be selfish and insensitive, and Pinkie is neither of those things. And he wouldn't feel any of this pain she can't help him with if Fluttershy had just said "yes" like everyone expected her to.
So yes, Pinkie is upset with her. She's upset because she cares about Fine's happiness over her own, and Fluttershy – while well-meaning – just dug his heart out with a dull wooden spoon.
I've actually already touched upon some of this in a coming chapter, which will hopefully clarify things in-story... a little.
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And in the next chapter we shall find out what exactly you have planned for the rest of them...
but in the meantime... Yeah, I dunno...
I'll leave it with you, I'm sure things will be straightened out soon enough...
Maybe...