Dream A Little Dream Of Me

by horizon

9. I the dream / I the dreamer (KitsuneRisu)

Potluck

I the dream
I the dreamer
I the judge
I the guilty

I watched a dozen voices a dozen times over

I listened
I spoke
And now

I tell the truth

For the true tragedy is not that of the death of a single pony
but the death of every pony else

for Peridot is the cause
and reason
and end
to all

and the second fall of Myinnkyun.

I sit by the wayside and listen
and brand words into my heart
but I fear it is too late

For when a thousand opinions and a thousand facts finally clash
then we see
how it begins and ends

with a lie.

I must do what I must do
But let me tell you the final tale of Myinnkyun.

The day that Peridot disappeared
was a day when

when

when

when a single rotten pony used a lie

for gain

for trust

for power

Majority Vote with tongue of silver and heart of black
used the town
influenced the mind
whispered words in the ears of those who would listen

And Andi Quote listened
and spread
like a disease

the foul lies

it sickens me

the foul lies

that would give him power retained
at the cost of reality

and when reality became
that an innocent kelpie
took Peridot’s life
so did it incite the town.

This was the first lie

a lie of the tongue.

The second lie is a lie of carnality.

The one named Littlemoth
committed a crime
wreaked by guilt
haunted by what she had done

and her dreams echoed her panic
and fear in the face of immediacy mixed with what she would be blamed for

for what had she done was worse than kill an innocent
but no innocent life was taken by her

her quarrel was not with Peridot
her quarrel was with everypony else

for she had slept with many
allies and enemies
and many nights before the disappearance of Peridot
did Littlemoth find herself in bed
with the Mooken

And upon being caught
did she flee.

Up the ramparts did she fly
seizing a spear to use as a weapon
A weapon that Spotlight was not looking after

But as of dates and ownership
a drunken mind is an unreliable one
And a pony who believes two weeks after to be many days before
can be trusted less with possessions.

The spear was not his to take care of
for the spear was not his own but that of Dawn Patrol’s
who happened to be in the area
and he vouched for Spotlight as he was guilty of the same disregard.

Dawn

too

was lax

in care

of his weapon

and chose to allow Spotlight to take the blame.

More lies.

The third of convenience.

How long Littlemoth had been sleeping with the enemy is something
that I do not know
nor wish to know

what is important is that
it was the first time she had been caught
and now suffers for it in the mind and soul

as all things do in the end.

But she bears not the punishment
for the owner of the spear
Dawn Patrol

committed the fourth lie

on the night with no moon

a lie of proxy.

Sunspot recognizes the use of sympathetic magic
weaved and crafted by the shamen

using Dawn Patrol’s spear to channel their focus
they broke into his mind
like a thief with a safe
but not to steal
but to plant

and there they placed doubt

fear

madness

and so it is so

for as I enter his dreams at night
I hear but the torrents of a second voice
yelling over the first
like a typhoon swelling over a town

causing disharmony

and disharmony caused Dawn to chase off the boats on the moonless night
a wicked Mooken magic
so for Dawn to distract the others not to attack his love

All lies now converge.

All lies come to a boil.

In a pot
mixed by a dozen hooves
all of which know not of the brew.

The lies shift

the lies change

the lies mutate

and they turn into truths.

The kelpie murdered Peridot?

The Minotaurs sunk the ships?

All a matter of circumstance.
All a matter of layers.

Sunspot hunted the kelpie
and another story is cast into tragedy
as two innocents are driven apart by the seed

the crack in the pavement
caused by the unstoppable force of the plant that grows from within

and its fruit

war

war is here

war is coming.

But there is a murderer to discuss.

And to that I say

that within the lies

I must maintain the truth

and within

and without

and it gives me fear

but the truth

is precious

and to the truth I will hold

~

the murderer

is me.

~

For that night in the bar

had I not raised objection
had I not called for a single song

the events
like the flapping of the wings of a moth
would not have transpired

Dawn would not have danced with Littlemoth
Littlemoth would not have been incensed to find love

Dawn’s mind would not have been muddled
with nothing else to latch onto
allowing magic to fill the spaces between

I cast off the first ship
into this sea of fire

and like everyone else
am guilty of the murder
of Myinnkyun.

But as they now take up their spears
but as they take up their swords and magic
as they march

I will not march with them.

I do not abandon my post easily

I do not run away for the sake of running

but I do so to reclaim the innocent soul

I do so to save the one most deserving of saving

For I have one last truth to rely on

and the knowledge

that the dead

do not dream.

I can only rely on the truth of Cabotage

who both hated and knew Peridot the most
for he was a brother and enemy in trade

and he knew of her habits
and knew of her state

and knew that in her age
she was a clumsy fool

and when she fell into the water
after a walk that night
and disappeared into the waves

she was swept away

and is somewhere

in the waters

dreaming

and waiting

and the thoughts on her mind

are those of peace

are those that wish for everyone not to fight

she has been there for some time

and will not last long

but she woke with the sun

and will sleep with the moon

and now I must leave
to find her
to save her
to rescue her

as is my final duty

as is my repent

I will cheat my fate

I will not be truthful to the same punishment that I so deserve

And after I find her

I will not be seen again

for Peridot is the cause
and reason
and end
to all

and everything has begun

and ends

with a lie

Comments

[AugieDog]

Potluck says:

That Peridot was clumsy and fell in, but then he goes to say that he's just as guilty as everypony else for everything that happened here. I'm not quite sure where this goes at the end, but it says a lot of things very prettily and with some very nice rhythms, so this one goes into the "answers my question" column.

Mike

[Titanium Dragon]

This piece has a decent rhythm to it, and was overall pleasing and fit with the rest of the story quite well. It also did a good job of piecing the bits together, and in a different way, using a different character:

Potluck is the nightmare.
Littlemoth is Palei Hantu
Littlemoth’s guilt was over sleeping with the minotaurs and everyone else in town
Peridot fell in on her own
Dawn Patrol was attacked by the minotaurs, not a nightmare, using his spear as a link
Peridot isn’t dead

This makes excellent use of the loss of the spear, something none of the other pieces did; it wasn’t anything very important, but here it became a crucial piece. Likewise, this makes very clever use of the premise of the story – that the dead do not dream, and therefore, because Peridot is dreaming, she must still be alive – and thus, can be rescued.

[Titanium Dragon]

6468081
6468071
A discrepancy is not a disagreement with your opinion, it is a disconnect between parts of the story. For instance, this is not a discrepancy:

1ˢᵗ > It doesn't make sense for Potluck to blame Peridot for the fall of Myinnkyun while also blaming themself for trying to calm the crowd she riled up.

This is an opinion. The reason he blames himself is logical – the chain of events wouldn’t have happened were it not for him.

As for the others:

2ᶮᵈ > Littlemoth can't be Hantu if she isn't a changeling, because Hantu clearly isn't a quadruped based on what Kene says, and Littlemoth is a nightwing.

Where does it say that? The only relevant passage I can find is:

<Did I not follow you out of the jungle
and sprint across the sands
as you climbed their wall,
even though the chief declared
the four-legged ones [manyekyaungg]?>

Which is not inconsistent with a reading of them being a quadraped - after all, what would show more loyalty than following a forbidden lover all the way back to their home?

7ᵗʰ > Potluck is blaming Dawn Patrol for falsely accusing Spotlight of not tending to his weapon, when Spotlight deserved to be ejected from the Guard anyway for drunkenness. This makes it hard to believe that Dawn Patrol's "lie" had anything to do with the fall of Myinnkyun.

How is this a discrepancy? This is an opinion again.

9ᵗʰ > Which Siren murdered Peridot, and why she murdered Peridot, is never described.

10ᵗʰ > How Potluck knew a Siren murdered Peridot is not explained.

Wow, did you even read the poem?

Peridot fell into the water on her own, she wasn’t murdered at all, as this piece makes very clear.

Luna was not actually banished by Celestia on the night with no moon; instead, the moo cows manipulated Dawn Patrol into thinking that he was hearing stories about Luna being banished so he would turn the ships away. One of the Sirens actually murdered Peridot.

11ᵗʰ > Potluck takes something that was perfectly explained by the story (why Dawn Patrol turned the ships away) and removes that explanation in favor of one that makes no sense. This means why the Night with No Moon happened is no longer explained by the story.

What they planted in Dawn Patrol’s mind was not Luna’s fall, but paranoia, the idea that if the ships came and people found out what happened, the people would turn on the nocturne, including his lover.

15ᵗʰ > Potluck feels guilty for the fall of Myinnkyun when their actions only led to it by sheer coincidence. They had no way of knowing diffusing the tension in the tavern would lead to Littlemoth becoming a nymphomaniac.

This isn’t a discrepancy. Also, you’ve repeated this.

13ᵗʰ > Littlemoth's worries about finding Peridot's body are not explained.

Littlemoth isn’t worried about them finding Peridot’s body; the poem claims she’s worried about being found out about sleeping with the enemy (which doesn’t quite fit her poem).

14ᵗʰ > Why Potluck is the Nightmare and why they decided to scour the dreams of the town is never explained.

“Why X is the nightmare” doesn’t… make sense? I'm not sure what you're getting at, there.

As far as their motive, they note at the start “I the dream/I the dreamer/I the judge/I the guilty” and “I must do what I must do”. They seem to be worried about the town, which is, well, logical – especially given they’d tried to play the peacemaker previously.

Seriously, though, before you say something like

Horse jesus. I'm starting to think none of these authors actually read horizon's story.

You might want to make sure you’re not the one who doesn’t understand.

[Sypher]

I didn't really like this one initially, but after mulling it over for a while I find that it actually has a lot of unique ways of answering the problem, which is a very respectable trait. A minor complaint of mine is that this poem reads a little too melodramatically in comparison to horizon's. This issue is somewhat offset with the poem being the last chapter of a story, but I'm still not entirely comfortable with the tone of it.

[Dubs Rewatcher]

I love this one with all my heart. About 1/3rd of the way through I started reading out loud and performing it to myself as I would at a poetry slam/reading. Love, love, love. Easy first place so far.

[KitsuneRisu]

LFF : LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK

Hello there, people. I have a small request for those who would care to indulge me.

As it seems, I've written something that once again is either a love-it or hate-it affair, in which there were some individuals who really liked it, and some who didn't feel like commenting, and nothing much in between. Well, I'm looking for the thoughts of those who didn't think anything of this.

I'd like to know why! Honestly, yes. As always, I seek to improve myself in anything I do, and feedback is always appreciated and valuable, regardless of how scathing it is.

So for anyone who did read this and went 'meh this is blurpy' -- if you had a few minutes free, I'd love to know why you didn't like this, or didn't think this one did it for you.

Make me feel like a naughty boy.

And for those who did like it, thank you. Thank you for sharing in my vision. There will be a place for you in the new world by my side once the corn wars are over.

[ponichaeism]

6476321

Reading this one back, I kind of wish I'd given it an honorable mention, but honestly, the fifteen or so experimental free verse stories started to blur together about halfway through the collection. I found it very hard to keep track of which one was which when I was making my final (admittedly very last-minute) assessment.

Horizon said any and all literary styles were on the table.

I certainly remembered the non-free verse entries better than the free verse entries, barring the extremely free verse ones, #4 and #11.

Sometimes standing apart from the crowd is a good thing.

Well, not in my case, but sometimes.

[KitsuneRisu]

6476423
Nah, it's perfectly fine that you forgot about it. It's kinda indicative that there was nothing special about it, and of course I take no offence to that notion. It just simply means that I must try harder in the future.

Also, while this is not an excuse, I do have to admit (with apologies to fans and Horizons) that I really, utterly and completely do not understand free verse. I understand its point, but I don't understand it much nor do I like it as much as I do proper metered and rhymed poetry. I have no idea what I was doing when I wrote this, to be honest. But I decided, hey, why not give it a shot anyway? After all, while we could write this any way we wanted, I still wanted to 'play along' as it were. Basically how I ended up deciding to write it was how I heard it in my head if I were saying it out loud.

Well, perhaps next time I shall write something else!

Horizon do this again plz k I want Trainient Express Murder Mystery next thx.

(If you do I promise the zergling wil return)