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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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In my opinion, Nathan's taking his situation a little too easily. The majority of people in this same situation, even after him meeting Discord and the Timberwolf incident, would freak out after meeting a completely new sentient race; especially if said race didn't resemble humans in the slightest. I get really tired of HiE fics ware the human just excepts everything like it happens all the time to them.
6543912
I apologize that you feel that way. This is the first HiE story I've attempted so I do appreciate the constructive criticism.
hmmmm, alright. i do see very much potential in this. Also for your first HiE fic this isn't as cringe worthy as some of the stuff iv'e seen. Though you are going to have to add a more "Natural" feel to his reactions. he is slightly to accepting of his surroundings, though that could vary depending on the kind of person he is, so i wont go to into that. But, i consider my next comment a golden rule for HiE fics (Though it is VERY opinionated).
* Do not in any way, shape or form, make your protagonist seem very ignorant, gullible, or absent minded. It is very good when a Human keeps a respectable amount of common sense and skepticism. Avoid making him look like an idiot (unless that is your intention) when in a situation where the average person could connect dots and not believe everything coming out of the horses mouth... literally.
Still though very good chapter so far especially for your first HiE, so don't worry what negative people will say, you do your thang and seek self improvement. i will be tracking this
6544089
Thank you. I really appreciate the feedback.
6543912 That's your opinion, and you are welcome to it.
My opinion is that this is working out just fine. Apoplectic reactions are obnoxious as far as I am concerned.
Yes, the average person would probably react very poorly in this situation, but this guy has had time in his new surroundings already, so he would have formed a bit of a thick skin to surprises. Also, let's assume he is one of those that truly believe alien life is out there, and just as intelligent as us, then talking other-than-human beings probably wouldn't surprise him enough to react in a crazy manner; crazy happy because his theory/belief has been validated, but not crazy psychotic.
In the end, I like this story, and I like the way this character is handling things.
Please don't change a thing, and keep on writing!
Still enjoying this story so far! You know, I always thought of Equestria's San Francisco variant as 'San Franciscolt', but San Prancisco works, too. It would have been cool if you had included Mare-ami, as well.
Also (again, I apologize for being that guy...), this sentence needs to be changed:
"News had spread quickly across Equestria as soon, newsponies from near and far descended onto Ponyville..."
I think you should rewrite the highlighted portion to "...quickly, and newsponies...".
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for more!
Good so far. I like how this is going. Great pacing. Keep at it!
6543912 Well, you have to consider the following:
1. He was still coherent after his locomotive derailed.
2. Discord (though Nathan doesn't know it yet) specifically stated that this was not Earth, backed up by the timberwolves attacking.
3. He's a sensible guy with a penchant for adapting to the situation, so he probably thought that if he rolled with it, things could proceed more smoothly and he could gain assistance to get home.
The only thing right now that could annoy me about the story for SURE is if Nate doesn't mention 'Creepy Voice' to Celestia and the others when they arrive, as well as exactly what was said before the warp.
Being a bit overdramatic, aren't you Nathan?
"Well then." Slowly, Nathan got down on one knee in front of the farm pony. "I am forever in your debt for saving my life."
Oh no not another life debt!
6544583
I never even thought of "Mare-ami". Very clever, my friend.
6545140 Thank you.
Also, I just realized that that sentence I pointed out was actually grammatically correct. Guess I didn't quite understand it the first time around. Sorry about that.
if he see steam locomovite what he gonna say that the steam train scrap in his world?
COLTORADO
radio... don't forget the radio
this story is getting really good. hope this updates more often
Hmm, Nathan (which is weird because he and I share a first name) is accepting his fate rather quickly.
It's almost as if he were...
(puts on sunglasses)
...trained for it.
6595849 You are a villain and you will one day be punched in the face by Batman.
6595849 You sir... are...er...well crap. Can't think of any puns...
Ya it's going pretty fast, I know many authors wanna skip the first meeting and meet and great but man this zoomed, no questions, no disbelief or anything.
Honestly...Minotaurs are bigger and scarier, and yet, ponies act normal around them. Why would they react like a human is oh so scary?
I'm gonna say a few things about him accepting things as is as quick as he did. Everyone is different. Maybe the average guy will freak out, maybe not, and even then, it varies in level. But he could also be someone who truly believe in the concept of "life out there". So, he doesn't freak out. Or not nearly as much as the "average" ("Average" depends on the author) Joe. Especially when they are friendly. For goodness sake! NASA (Or someone in the government. I can't remember) made an "alien encounter protocol/rulez thingy". Thus, the concept of someone who is a little "too" (This too, depends on authors) accepting isn't really far-fetch.
7345365 I agree there are so many other ways someone could respond to something like this, other then flipping their shit.
Well his reaction was a little muted, but I'm willing to forgive you this time because he saw the Timberwolves and the wired voice tEllington him he was somewhere else.