Ok, his interaction with the royals was unnatural, you really need to work on your dialogues and debates between characters
"How about someone who isn't a conceited bitch just because they're of noble blood. Most of you damn nobles call us of lower class uncouth and worthless but I believe it is the other way around with how you treat those below and get on their ass whenever they do everything they ask right when you ask it. So damn ungrateful of everything you have and to those who make it I wonder how long you would last in the real world if you weren't born into your money and power. I've come from the lowest of the low from my home and kept it that way even when I got my powers so I wouldn't become like you. So I suggest before you decide to bite off my head about calling you an ungrateful, conceited bitch, you take a long hard look at everything you've done so far in your live and think about what I said." Drake said with venom oozing from his words as the blue mare closed her mouth and her ears went flat atop her head. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
I understand what you’re trying to do, but it doesn’t feel organic, I personally love the trope of an asshole protagonist but the speech Drake gave was out of the blue and kind of poorly delivered. The reaction of the princesses also were weird. Besides that I like the concept
My only issue so far is that the main character doesn't talk. He speaks in long, continuous monologues. 10238540 NmB is correct.
Monk "He's witnessing an honest to god catfight. While it would be entertaining, Weiss doubts either of them would appreciate being splashed with mud and then being expected to wrestle until their problem is solved" -Shadestyle
I have to stop reading because of the grammar. It's too much and to unintelligible. The premise is good and it seems you have all your ideas in place. If you can get this with edited then I will most certainly come back and read it. Keep up the work, don't give up
really cool story so far. Very interesting thanks for the great chapter! As I look forward to reading more!
Good story but there are some things you need to edit
needs more editting, missing some words here and there its like im playing fill in the blanks here....
but great fic nonetheless!
woot!
It's "regent" not "reagent"
Ok, his interaction with the royals was unnatural, you really need to work on your dialogues and debates between characters
I understand what you’re trying to do, but it doesn’t feel organic, I personally love the trope of an asshole protagonist but the speech Drake gave was out of the blue and kind of poorly delivered. The reaction of the princesses also were weird.
Besides that I like the concept
10238540
It did feel a little forced but not the worst I've ever read so I'd give it a pass but nothing more
Interesting start.
My only issue so far is that the main character doesn't talk. He speaks in long, continuous monologues.
10238540 NmB is correct.
Monk
"He's witnessing an honest to god catfight. While it would be entertaining, Weiss doubts either of them would appreciate being splashed with mud and then being expected to wrestle until their problem is solved" -Shadestyle
I have to stop reading because of the grammar. It's too much and to unintelligible. The premise is good and it seems you have all your ideas in place. If you can get this with edited then I will most certainly come back and read it. Keep up the work, don't give up
Just wondering, is this a crossover and if yes with what, maybe “Infamous”.