A very horny Twilight Sparkle gets to the bottom of a trespassing sister-in-law and the rest as you can imagine becomes quite messy from there on out, whether Cadence likes it or not.
6207905 Well I, for one, appreciate the bluntness of your criticism, and the way in which it was delivered. It could just be my outspoken stance on the subject, but I feel there are too many special snowflakes that like to call foul on reviews like this. This kind of harsh, verbal prodding is usually enough to shake them out of their comfort zone. Sadly, it too-often results in backlash: one instance I can recall resulted in the author revoking their story from the site, and muting me for my efforts.
It's risky business, commenting on the internet. I can see why this might rub some people the wrong way, but it's not a stance I can empathize with easily.
And yes, I know the situation is largely resolved. I just felt I needed to put in my two cents as well, from one critic to another. Cheers; I'm going to read some (hopefully improved) clop.
Yeah, I felt a little bad writing that—except here's the thing: the first few sentences of this piece are some of the worst writing I've seen on this site.
If that's your threshold for the worst writing you've seen, you must not read much on this site. I've seen things that still give me nightmares, and any of the flaws in this don't even come close. Not to say that this story doesn't have its flaws, but I can almost guarantee that clicking on any random story on the front page will likely result in reading a story worse than this one.
6211640 Well spotted. It won't be explained in great detail, but it's because this story takes place in the same universe as Futalestia. Twilight is Celesta and Velvet's daughter. Twi doesn't know about it.
Celestia: teleports into twilight's room, she spots Twilight and cadence together. Twilight: help me! I reflexively cast the want it need it spell on my cock and cadence wont fight it, or gave up fighting it! I have already cum 10 times! Gah!! this all started when I couldn't control my urges when I found cadence snooping in my room and hiding in the closet watching me masturbate! she was aroused by it too! Celestia: looked at cadence incredulously. Celestia: oh twilight sparkle I am so sorry, my daughter. celestia counters the want it need it spell and hugs Twilight. Twilight: WHAT!? Daughter that's impossible!? Cadence: doesn't stop fucking twi even though she's free of the spell Celestia: shakes her head, undos her cock invisibility spell. it is not my student, my daughter for I am your father!" DUN DUN DUN DUN... DUN DUN What a twist!
6207905 People like you... people like you just make me want to scream my lungs out. Scream and moan and whine... because I don't have anyone who knows their shit as well as they do commenting on editing my fics and marrying me.
You, sir, have my number if the need ever rises for you to dredge through some drek.
6207905 You see, I appreciate people that takes the time to think before they write, but harshness usually gets you ignored, which is a sad fact, since your comment appears to be more thought out than most squabble on this website. However, It is a fetish-fuled clopfic, most people reading this (Sadly, not me included.) couldn't care less about the overall quality of the fic. I would write out a wall of critcism as well, but I'm not feeling too good at the moment.
Seems like a notable follow up to the running fandom thing of inexplicable, R63 genderswaps with oversized genitals raping/abusing stuff xP Kind of funny how that's actually a common thing in the fandom hehe xP
Wow. My, heart and dick, were at a standstill in the first, and the first-half of this chapter, but now with the dirty talk, no resistance, blackmail and surprise butt-sex! I'm fully on board with this story!
6213465 6207905 6208423 Sometimes harsh critics are what you need to get you motivated. The "Embarrassment" feeling really makes you want to never have to get those reviews again. Trust me... I've had them for my first story and WOW did I ever improve off them.
A little criticism gets you thinking. Harsh (But true) criticism kicks your ass into action to get shit done and fixed.
6215015If you can stomach It. I've seen people take down their fics from harsh criticism, hell, I did It with my first fic, when I was like, twelve. At least I had the pressence of mind at that point.
6209629 I second this motion.
I just finished reading chapter 1 2 minutes ago and then this updates.
6209685 I apologize. I'll take it down straight away.
I MISSED AN EM FUCKING DASH AND A COUPLE OF MISTAKES!
6207905 Well I, for one, appreciate the bluntness of your criticism, and the way in which it was delivered. It could just be my outspoken stance on the subject, but I feel there are too many special snowflakes that like to call foul on reviews like this. This kind of harsh, verbal prodding is usually enough to shake them out of their comfort zone. Sadly, it too-often results in backlash: one instance I can recall resulted in the author revoking their story from the site, and muting me for my efforts.
It's risky business, commenting on the internet. I can see why this might rub some people the wrong way, but it's not a stance I can empathize with easily.
And yes, I know the situation is largely resolved. I just felt I needed to put in my two cents as well, from one critic to another. Cheers; I'm going to read some (hopefully improved) clop.
6209713 Save yourself! Don't look. The horror... the horror!
imgflip.com/readImage?iid=23049243
Dear Cadence
YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED CREAMPUFF
6209732 Horrible pleasure.
I'd started reading, but someone walked into the room. Now that they've left...derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/1/486563__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_meme_animated_princess+twilight_image+macro_book_caption_reading.gif
6209473
Oh course he is thick-skinned, it's Megatron's Pen! I don't think that the Decepticon leader is easy on pens.
I don't want to read this... but then again, I do. Maybe cause I like stories where Cadance gets stuffed... cause I know I don't much like Futalight.
I've decided I'm going to downvote this story no matter how it ends, but I still want to see how it ends so, Favorite.
That was blanking great!!!!!! (SQUEE!!!!)
6209966
Ha, In for a penny in for a pound I take it?
6210190 Bullseye
Supprise! Buttsecs!
6209708
You should've asked me to edit it. That's your fault. :D
Ohhhhhhhhh you got roasted Mega, R.O.A.S.T.E.D.
6210628
data2.whicdn.com/images/47936497/large.gif
DAMN YOU CLIFF HANGER!!!
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/683/595/a36.jpg
6209410 so we will have cok vore clopidy.
6208423
If that's your threshold for the worst writing you've seen, you must not read much on this site. I've seen things that still give me nightmares, and any of the flaws in this don't even come close. Not to say that this story doesn't have its flaws, but I can almost guarantee that clicking on any random story on the front page will likely result in reading a story worse than this one.
6211160 I completely Agree because there's a story with so many errors and mistakes it'it's like trying to swallow a boulder it's so bad.
6211018 THANK YOU. Can't believe I missed that error.
6210636
6210628
Allow me to bring your attention Soaring to the sheer amount of errors people found in the first chapter before commenting like that, my friend.
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i61.tinypic.com/34j3fi1.jpg
You earned this. And I hope to see more!
6211562 Nice to see you again, SHL.
6211567 Thanks ^^ Nice to see you writing so amazing clop again ^^
6211576 I wouldn't go that far, but, thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
I'm a little confused, if Twilight got a cock when she became a princess, why didn't Cadence?
6211640 Well spotted. It won't be explained in great detail, but it's because this story takes place in the same universe as Futalestia. Twilight is Celesta and Velvet's daughter. Twi doesn't know about it.
Her ascension triggered her... ahem. Growth.
Celestia: teleports into twilight's room, she spots Twilight and cadence together.
Twilight: help me! I reflexively cast the want it need it spell on my cock and cadence wont fight it, or gave up fighting it! I have already cum 10 times! Gah!! this all started when I couldn't control my urges when I found cadence snooping in my room and hiding in the closet watching me masturbate! she was aroused by it too!
Celestia: looked at cadence incredulously.
Celestia: oh twilight sparkle I am so sorry, my daughter. celestia counters the want it need it spell and hugs Twilight.
Twilight: WHAT!? Daughter that's impossible!?
Cadence: doesn't stop fucking twi even though she's free of the spell
Celestia: shakes her head, undos her cock invisibility spell. it is not my student, my daughter for I am your father!"
DUN DUN DUN DUN... DUN DUN What a twist!
6211821 And then they both double team Cadence.
6211997 celestia: Join me and we can spit roast cadence as father and daughter/son!
btw if you think your fic is messed it's only slightly worse than mine 'her daughter' XD
6207905 People like you... people like you just make me want to scream my lungs out. Scream and moan and whine... because I don't have anyone who knows their shit as well as they do
commenting onediting my fics and marrying me.You, sir, have my number if the need ever rises for you to dredge through some drek.
The Offspring.
I think that's foreshadowing.
Also, I fucking love The Offspring! "How has this litte town, claimed so many liiiives?!"
6207905 You see, I appreciate people that takes the time to think before they write, but harshness usually gets you ignored, which is a sad fact, since your comment appears to be more thought out than most squabble on this website. However, It is a fetish-fuled clopfic, most people reading this (Sadly, not me included.) couldn't care less about the overall quality of the fic. I would write out a wall of critcism as well, but I'm not feeling too good at the moment.
Wonder if Spike did that to a mare?
Seems like a notable follow up to the running fandom thing of inexplicable, R63 genderswaps with oversized genitals raping/abusing stuff xP
Kind of funny how that's actually a common thing in the fandom hehe xP
6211500
Most of the errors they found were within your writing style, not within grammatical errors. :D
6211658 Oh, that makes sense. Poor Night Light. I guess Shining Armor is still his though right?
Wow. My, heart and dick, were at a standstill in the first, and the first-half of this chapter, but now with the dirty talk, no resistance, blackmail and surprise butt-sex! I'm fully on board with this story!
Keep going!
6212375 Read the 2nd chapter...
6213465
6207905
6208423
Sometimes harsh critics are what you need to get you motivated. The "Embarrassment" feeling really makes you want to never have to get those reviews again. Trust me... I've had them for my first story and WOW did I ever improve off them.
A little criticism gets you thinking. Harsh (But true) criticism kicks your ass into action to get shit done and fixed.
6215015 If you can stomach It. I've seen people take down their fics from harsh criticism, hell, I did It with my first fic, when I was like, twelve. At least I had the pressence of mind at that point.
6207905 A thumb foryou, good sir. Your post made me laugh far more than most stories that pass for comedy on this sight.
6207905
Welcome to the magical world of hentai-quality dialogue. Among other things.
6215070 But let me ask. After you took it down, how did your next fic turn out? Of course implying you followed their advice.
6217316 Slightly better, but I didn't follow their advice since there was none. (It was mostly insults and "Your writing is bad.")
6217793 Then you shouldn't compare that to this. This is actual constructive criticism.