Po-Ni-Oh! The Abridged Series

by Shadowmane PX-41

Chapter 8: Get The Cosplays Ready, Fandom...

Author's Note:

If I stopped drinking, this fanfic would make a whole lot more sense.

"So, Fuchsia, where exactly are you going?" Twilight asked as Fuchsia was about to leave the group.

"I'm sorry, Twilight, but I got what I came for," Fuchsia responded, turning around to face Twilight. "Trixie wanted me to duel you, or at the very least see how you duel so she could find a flaw in your strategy..."

"Great, now everyone's going to want to duel me twice or have clones battle me in their place," Twilight face-palmed. "That's just fan-tucking-fastic..."

"I know. By then, Twilight will have likely made an undefeatable deck with no weaknesses whatsoever..." Rainbow Dash analysed the times Twilight had been duelling. "I mean, after she took out Trixie with Faustia, and her humiliating loss to Steven Magnet, she's been curb-stomping every duellist she came across. Which is really only just Snips and Hush when you think about it..."

"Two more duels and she'll be in the finals. So if Trixie wants to try and find a weakness in Twilight's deck, she'd better just come down here and face her now instead of do something akin to a counter-terrorism mission..." Pinkie Pie said with a smile on her face.

"That's what I've been trying to tell her, but she didn't listen to me or Lavender!" Fuchsia said as if she agreed with the group. "OMG, we have so much in common..."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that..." Twilight chuckled.

"But anyway, I've gotta get going," Fuchsia said as she ran off towards the castle to rejoin her sister. "Don't be too long, Twilight!"

"I won't!" Twilight waved Fuchsia off as she eventually vanished into the distance. "What a nice girl. It's a shame that since this is a parody of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, she and Lavender have to be the two dumb-asses in distress..."

"Wait, what?!" Fuchsia said in the distance as she was tackled by one of Steven's security forces, with Lavender screaming far off in the distance

"See, I told ya..." Twilight's smug attitude appeared instantly.

---

*Intro goes here*

PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES

---

"Hello again, Rainbow Dash," Gilda said as she stood in Rainbow Dash's way with a familiar figure standing behind her. "I hope you're still not butthurt about me ditching you when you were about to eat out of my breasts, are you?"

"Yeah, I'm still mildly peeved about that," Rainbow Dash's brows lowered as she looked Gilda in the eyes.

"If it's any consolation, I got you a new playmate to crush in a duel," Gilda prompted the figure to step forward, letting the light reveal who he was. "Butthead, say hello to Rainbow Dash. And Rainbow Dash, say hello to Snails."

Snails laughed. "Your hair looks like unicorn diarrhoea..."

"Hey! That's a wholly false and unlawful statement!" Twilight said from behind Rainbow Dash.

"But anyway. This time, if you defeat Snails, I'll let you eat out of my breasts for real this time," Gilda said, escorting Snails to his podium. "I'll even keep an eye on the little dweeb whilst you duel him, just to keep my promise."

"Well, since you promise your delicious cleavage if I defeat this wannabe in a duel, then I guess I'll accept," Rainbow Dash said as she leaped onto the blue podium. "Let's duel, Butthead!"

"Applejack? Where are you going?" Twilight saw that Applejack was leaving the group to be by her lonesome. She followed after her.

"Applejack, what are you doing here, looking at this pool during the sunset like you've got some questions to answer?" Twilight asked as Applejack kneeled down.

"Ah've been thinkin' about somethin', Twilight," Applejack responded. "Why am I the worst pony/human in Shadowmane PX-41's eyes?"

"Well, He's made a pretty long list... You've lied about the rodeo in Over a Barrel, you pressurised Fluttershy in Bats, made the town believe a scam in Leap of Faith, and in Rainbow Rocks, you tried to start an argument on-screen, over fing dresses for crying out loud..." Twilight explained.

"Hey! Ah couldn't help myself back then," Applejack took control of the conversation. "Ah was just followin' whatever the script said. And truth be told, ah secretly have a fetish to dress us like somethin' other than this tatty cowgirl costume..."

"But don't you think you could have asked the team at Hasbro to modify the script so that you didn't fight over dresses?" Twilight asked.

"Given the chance, ah would've. But the Big Five said that it would be 'too cheesy', and that they needed to make the movie seem darker when we expelled our power and handed it to Marik, Ishizu, and Odion— I mean, The Dazzlings..." Applejack told her.

"Did you just spoil some future casting roles for later chapters?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah. That was my fault. Sorry, Twilight..." Applejack hung her head. "Ah guess ah'll never be as well-loved as you, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie..."

"Don't think about the negatives, Applejack," Twilight tried to cheer her up. "I'm sure that one day, the writer will see you having a super-special-awesome moment. One that will make him feel neutral towards you..."

"Ya think so?" A single tear fell from Applejack's eye.

"I know so..." Twilight took Applejack by the hand an walked her back to the arena. "Now let's give Rainbow Dash some support in curb-stomping Butthead in a parody of a children's card game."

---

"Go! Attack Butthead's fossilised Fell Dragon Grima and cut his Life Points down to zero!" Rainbow Dash said as an angelic version of herself flew towards Grima and cut it in half, causing the shards to rain down on Snails as his counter hit zero.

"Dammit! Not again!" Snails said as he was blasted off of the podium and onto the floor. "I thought I could be a badass, but it turns out I'm a bad-ahole..."

"Now then, Gilda," Rainbow Dash ran over to Gilda and stopped a toe away from her. "This time, I don't want you running off so I can relish in my victory..."

"Oh, fine then..." Gilda took off her top and removed her bra, exposing her boobs to Rainbow Dash. "Take as long as you like, Rainbow Dash. You deserved it."

"My pleasure!" Rainbow Dash dove her face straight into Gilda's cleavage, making eating noises as she nuzzled away at her prize. The smile on her face as she did so was a large one; one that could only be rivalled by a euphoria foal, or a duellist who earned Gungnir, Dragon of the Ice Barrier in a card pack opening.

---

[I don't know how sex works...]

---

"Well, I'll give Rainbow Dash one thing," Gilda said to herself as she looked out onto the water on the top of a grassy mountain. "She knows how to eat out of a cleavage...

"Now then, I wonder what comes next in this parody of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series?" Gilda thought to herself as a rather large figure approached her from behind.

"It's raping time!" Said a bulky red man as he grabbed Gilda and yanked her into the forest, muffling her screams as he put one of his hands over her mouth.

---

"Hey, everyone!" Cadence walked out of the bushes with her gauntlet around her right arm. She had six Star Chips and blankly stared at each of the girls with an innocent smile.

[prepare your anuses, fandom...]

"Cadence? What are you doing here?" Rainbow Dash asked when she had gotten a good look at her. "And furthermore, how do you qualify as a duellist?"

"Well, she has the Power Glove we're wearing, and six Star Chips around her wrist," Twilight mentioned, pointing out Cadence's winning. "So, I'd say she's a duellist alright..."

"Yeah... I guess you could say that..." Cadence said as she rolled her eyes to shrug off any suspicions from the girls.

"By the way, let's all say the names of our favourite cards so that it becomes relevant in the next episode," Twilight said as the five girls now all had their decks out and were looking at each of their cards.

"My fav's this one. The Rainbow Paladin." Rainbow Dash held up her card.

"Ah got me this Famed Cowgirl when I was a kid." Applejack showed the group her card.

"And I've kept my Cake Curator with me throughout the time we've been here..." Pinkie Pie looked at her monster, then revealed it to the group.

"And I'm the Dark Starswirl," Twilight smiled as she held up Starswirl the Bearded dressing up as the Dark Magician. "What about you, Cadence?"

"Well, I'm particularly a fan of this one," Cadence held up a card that showed Shogo Makashima from Psycho-Pass; an anime villain who relied on others to commit crimes for him, while he could get away with everything and lower his Psycho-Pass with no matter what he did or said. "Oops! That's the wrong card. My real favourite is this one, Wolf in Sheep's Clothing. It accurately portrays my character and is one of my most important traits for the whole series.

"So, shall we duel for fun, Twilight?" Cadence asked as she sat down by a tree stump and put her deck down on a mat, throwing out a second one for Twilight's deck and cards.

"Sure, Cadence. It'd be a nice break from all these pressurising betting duels we keep facing..." Twilight sat down on the other side and put her deck down. "By the way, I like the motion you're making with your eyebrows. It's as if you really are a wolf in sheep's clothing..."

Cadence's brows then turned malicious as her eyes flashed green.

"You know, Twilight. There's something I've been meaning to say to you..." Green flames wrapped themselves around the entire group as Cadence revealed her true form. "Just like in Season 2... you're still just as clueless!" Her voice changed dramatically as the flames burned all of Twilight's friends with intense heat, causing them to faint and reveal who Cadence really was.

As the flames dissipated, Cadence had become Queen Chrysalis. A woman who was known for taking the identities of others and violently duelling others in evil versions of Duel Ponies known as Tartarus Games. She smiled as she stood up and approached the unconscious Twilight and reached down for her deck.

"All these episodes, you've been hogging the screentime, prancing around and going in about the Magic of Friendship like some cartoon equine, when in reality, Duel Ponies is some really fed up, really complex, and really evil st!" Chrysalis spoke as she laid her hand on Twilight's deck. "When I take your deck and your identity, the whole fandom will know that I am the far superior and much more beloved character!"

Suddenly, a bright blast of purple light emanated from Twilight's deck, causing Chrysalis to stumble back and growl in pain as her hand let off some steam.

"Damn! That's hot!" Chrysalis said as Twilight suddenly grew her wings and hair, then stood back up slowly to face Chrysalis.

"Get your filthy swiss-cheese hands off of my shiny deck, you damn dirty ape!" Twilight said as she looked Chrysalis in the eyes with a burning desire to defeat her.

"Hello there, Yami-Twilight," Chrysalis smiled as she addressed Twilight's alter ego. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Approximately three seasons ago, to be precise," Twilight remembered the last time she and Chrysalis battled. "Tell me, what have you been doing in your spare time?"

"Spare me the namby-pamby conversations, Twilight Sparkle. You know why I'm here..." Chrysalis spoke with her own fire in her eyes.

"You want to be immune to bug spray?" Twilight tilted her head.

"Yes— Wait, what?!" Chrysalis saw that Twilight was joking with her. "No, you fool! I'm here because according to the writer, and the feasible logic behind this fanfic, I'm the Po-Ni-Oh! version of Bakura!"

"Oh yeah... I remember..." Twilight said.

"And that means we've come to the part of the series where our two yami-forms duel each other in a deadly Tartarus Game," Chrysalis explained. "If you've never played one, then it's just like a real Duel Ponies game. The only differences are physical pain is real, there are mind-bending illusions/deadly features for each attack landed, and the loser forfeits their soul to the Tartarus Realm..."

"Sounds like you're putting yourself at risk here, Chryssi," Twilight's smug attitude returned. "Doesn't that mean you'll just be killing yourself when I win?"

"You won't win, Twilight Sparkle. Because unlike the other duellists you've faced, I am a special case..." Chrysalis smiled evilly. "My deck will destroy you in mere split-seconds, leaving you as a walking vegetable who can only spew out gibberish and act like a baby at random intervals."

"Three words, Chrysalis," Twilight sat down at the tree stump with Chrysalis sitting back down on her side. "Bring. It. On..."

---

PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES

[Apparently, Twilight didn't get any third-degree burns from both A Canterlot Wedding, and this fanfiction...]

Comments

[Utopianking]

Wow, you spoiled the villain, the assistant villain, and the hero with the MacGuffin of the next series. Also, and this is the only time I'm gonna say this, don't stop drinking while working on this.

[Shadowmane PX-41]

6190407 Just wait until I get to the Seal of Orichalcos saga on this...

[ImRaidAccount]

6190874 I have an idea on them. They're the Shadowbolts from Friendship Games aren't they?