Po-Ni-Oh! The Abridged Series

by Shadowmane PX-41

Chapter 4: The Hunger Card Games

Author's Note:

Today, I got $150. It's too bad fanfic writing doesn't pay me that much, though...

"Well, here we are. Steven Magnet's private island in the Bermuda Triangle," Twilight said as the ship drew closer and closer to the docks. "Out here on an island that will most likely never be touched again, I'm gonna show that scaly cheater what it means to mess with the Princess of Card Games..."

"Hmm... mysterious island, death-defying battles to be had, random encounters that could happen at any given moment in time..." Pinkie Pie listed off a number of coincidences in her head. "From the looks of things, I'd say that this is the exact same island used by that chick, Katniss Evergreen. Though, I can't remember where I saw it before..."

"So, who do you think is gonna challenge us first, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well, from the looks of how everyone's clamouring to get off, I'd say we could freely duel anyone the second we leave the docks," Twilight explained. "So, I'm just gonna wander far off into the forest ahead of us and wait in seclusion. That way, a challenger will have to look far and wide to face me. And when they do, I'll bitch-slap them so hard they'll fly right off of this island and go swimming in the river of shame that I just now created."

"Doesn't that seem a little cliché for this story?" Rainbow Dash wondered as she put a finger to her chin.

"Trust me, Dashie. This is the only way I know how to separate the strong from the weak..." Twilight's brows descended as she glared out towards the island."

---

"Twilight, Rainbow Dash! Where are you going?!" Applejack asked as she and Pinkie Pie were held down by the security that Magnet had enforced.

"We're off to find challengers!" The two girls ran deeper into the island, far away from their friends.

"When I find ya'll, ah'll knock you upside the head so hard that—" she wasn't even allowed to finish her sentence as a guard tased her in the chest.

"Yeah! I love being a security enforcer!" The bulk man said as he picked the unconscious Applejack up and put her over her shoulders. "Trying to sneak onto the island without permission is against Magnet's rules, and you could very well be perma-banned from playing Duel Ponies because of it!"

"Any last words, pink one?" A regular guard asked as he held up a second taser and prepared to put her to sleep as well.

"Yeah, we're just two spectators who wish to view the duels but not actually participate," Pinkie Pie said innocently. "Surely, your rulebook doesn't have anything against spectators on the island?"

"Hold on, let me check," another guard opened up a nearby rulebook and flipped through over one-hundred pages of how to play the game, as well as all of the best strategies. Eventually, he came to the rules on spectators and said, "Actually, there's nothing wrong with a few spectators. Why didn't you just ask?"

"Because Applejack here insisted that she'd be a rebel for once," Pinkie Pie smiled. "Silly Applejack, the writer isn't gonna cut you any slack any time soon..."

"Alright, you're free to spectate on any duels you come across," the first guard said as he stood Pinkie Pie back on her feet and withdrew the taser. "Just so long as you don't give any weaknesses away to either of the duelists, alright?"

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie Pie agreed as she walked out onto the island, leaving Applejack to be dragged in by her feet.

---

Twilight and Rainbow Dash eventually found a castle with a bunch of duellists climbing the stairs towards a rather large castle. They looked at each individual duellist and wondered why they were all congregating at the top of the stairs.

"Do you think a duel's going down?" Rainbow Dash asked as she balled her hand into a fist and smiled.

"Definitely," Twilight said back. "Why else do you think there's such a large crowd up there?"

"Well, let's go check it out!" Rainbow Dash ran towards the stairs, with Twilight closely behind her.

They were only halfway on the stairs, when something caught Twilight Sparkle's eye. She looked towards the right side of the staircase and watched a figure looking up on the castle. She had pink and purple hair, and seemed serious.

"Is that Cadence?" Twilight asked herself as her eyes failed to move from their fixated gaze on the pink girl. "How did she make it onto this island?"

"Twilight, quit staring at the ocean," Rainbow Dash teased as she nudged Twilight's shoulder. "Come on! There's a potential duel up there!"

Twilight nodded at Rainbow Dash and continued her mad dash towards the top of the stairs. However, she wouldn't forget the image that had been burned into her mind. Cadence was here, and now Twilight wanted answers as to how she had made it into the world of Duel Ponies, and that she was good enough to earn a gauntlet from Mr. Magnet.

---

"Welcome, welcome, welcome my fine duelists!" Steven Magnet announced from the top of the balcony above him. Every duellist looked up and acknowledged his arrival by raising their gauntlets into the air. "Let me be the first to welcome you all to my magnificent Duellist Island; a luxury resort leased by me, and is in no way a private and secluded location for me to watch perversely as you show off your best and sexiest duelling styles..." he chuckled.

"And I see we've got some Duel Ponies veterans here today," Steven Magnet's attention turned towards multiple different contestants. "Such experienced players here include Snips and Snails, Gilda, Daring Do, and even Bandit Rover and his two assistants. Oh, and Twilight Sparkle's here, but she's not really important yet..."

"Hey!" Twilight called out from the audience.

"Now then, let's move on with the proceeds," Steven went on, ignoring Twilight's uproar. "As you know, I gave two Star Chips to every duellist wearing a gauntlet. Which would be you, in this case," he smiled as he held up one of the golden stars to prove his point. "To enter the finals and earn your chance to win three millions and fight me, you just have to duel other characters here to win them. After all, sharing is caring, and it's all just a game...

"Now, in the spirit of island-wide tourneys like this, I won't start the battles until everyone is completely separated," Steven went on. "When you're all alone, I'll begin the battles. All you have to do is find an opponent who still has Star Chips, then duel them for them. It's easy peasy, lemon squeezy!"

"By the way, where's Trixie Lulamoon?" One of the duellists asked. "Shouldn't she be here to defend her title, or something?"

"Apparently, she was defeated by a talented duellist who wishes to remain anonymous," Steven answered the player's question. "I haven't heard from her, Fuchsia Blush, or Lavender Lace since. Maybe she's still crying about the fact that she was defeated so humiliatingly..."

"Yeah," one of the other duellist began mocking her. "What a dork! She should have just hung up the cape and saved the parlour tricks for the toddlers! She doesn't know that Duel Ponies isn't just some cheap game. It's a battle of wits, of skills, and it's also the very reason why we're gonna win this thing!"

"YEAH!" Everyone pumped their fists to the air once again.

"That's wonderful to hear, everyone!" Steven said as he began to walk back towards the castle. "Now run along. There are many duels to be had, so many Star Chips to collect, and oh so little time to get here before all the spots are filled..." He smiled evilly again.

---

"So, Twilight, who are ya gonna face first?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"The first duellist I lay my eyes on," Twilight spoke back. "I'll be especially proud if the first dweed I get to face is—"

"Hey! Snips!" Rainbow Dash called out as she had identified the duellist who had tried to dispose of Faustia. "Twilight's gonna challenge you to a duel! You got a problem with that?"

"Oh, crap!" Snips ran off into the forest.

"Hey! Get your butthead and your actual butt back here, nerd!" Rainbow Dash chased after Snips, with Twilight pursuing closely behind her.

The chase through the forest was relatively short, and the two girls immediately caught up to Snips. But when they had arrived, they were close to a massive machine with two massive podiums, similar to the ones that Twilight had seen during her duel with Trixie.

"Running sucks," Snips snickered. "I knew I should have stuck to that other show..."

"MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP RANDOM MONOLOGUE TO BECOME A SEXY ASS PRINCESS TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE, INITIATE!" Twilight said as she was enveloped in purple light, enabling her to gain her wings, deepen her voice, and extend her hair. In her new form, Twilight said, "I hope you like getting royally owned by a princess, Snipsy. Because if you don't then I'm afraid you're out of luck..."

Snips snickered once again. "You know, thanks to a certain movie I saw, you're not the only one that can pull that little trick..."

A same flash engulfed Snips, but it was dark blue. The flash eventually turned into a pillar of flame, where a demonic entity with spiky wings took his place. He landed and said, "Behold! I'm a Devil May Cry knock-off!"

"Well, I've fought demons once before, so I guess I don't mind re-opening the shop for a second round," Twilight said as she leapt onto the blue podium, with Snips flying over and landing on the red one. "It's time to duel!"

"I summon a monster!" Snips snickered as a beast appeared onto the field.

"Oh yeah, well I summon a monster, and then pimp it out with Horn of the Unicorn," Twilight said as she threw down a green-bordered card in addition to the monster she was summoning. "Though not an actual unicorn's horn. That would just be barbaric, and racist towards my lesser species..."

"Wow, just look at how fast this duel's going..." Rainbow Dash said as she watched each and every move go by like two titans were locked in a timeless struggle. "It's almost as fast as when the Bionis and the Mechonis duelled years ago before I was even a baby. Heck, that might have been even before we were all created in the first place," she smiled, "Man, time really does fly when you're having fun..."

---

"And now, Swift Shining Armour the Fierce Knight, penetrate Snips' defences and take his Life Points!" Twilight said as a white armoured horse with a human rider who had the same details on the back charged towards Snips' monster. A powerful lance thrust came from the human, completely destroying the monster and causing it to shatter like glass.

"Yeah, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash cheered as Snips' monster was erased from the game. "You got this dork on the ropes! Now give him the beatdown he so desperately deserves!"

Gilda raspberried at the duel in progress and said, "Lame. I could've picked his bones clean off if I'd found him..."

"What're you talking about, Gilda?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Snips is nothing more than a nerd. A geeky, wimpy, four-eyed, Beavis-imitating nerd who doesn't stand a chance at winning anything now that we're here." Gilda responded.

"Wait, he's Beavis?!" Rainbow Dash stumbled back. "I thought he was Butthead for two whole chapters!"

"No-one watches that show anymore, Rainbow Dash. It's easy to make the mistake," Gilda said as she flipped the tuft of hair that hung over her forehead. "But yeah. Compared to the rest of the cast, he's only an amateur. Which is odd, considering he won the regional championships a while back..."

"That was literally two days ago..." Rainbow Dash sighed as she looked back on the duel.

"And now, I play my trump card, VKM!" Twilight shouted as she threw down a card.

"VKM?" Snips tilted his head.

"It stands for Villain Killing Magic," Twilight smiled. "Personally, I wanted to save it for a later episode, but I feel like it's a good idea to let the bronies and pegasisters get a taste of what's coming.

"Now go, my rainbow hadouken! Eliminate the rest his Life Points and send him back to Inferno where he belongs!" Twilight said as a massive ball of energy turned into a large beam of light, engulfing Snips and causing his demonic form to vanish off of the face of the earth, leaving a speechless nerd with zero life points.

"This fanfic totally sucks," Snips snickered. "I'm gonna go and eat pretzels now."

"Not so fast, Snipsy-boy," Twilight flew over to Snips as he landed back on the ground. "I believe you owe me two Star Chips."

"Fine, take them." Snips said as he took the two Star Chips out of his gauntlet and put them into Twilight's.

"And I believe you owe me an apology," Twilight crossed her arms. "An apology for almost separating me from my beloved Faustia."

"Grr, fine. I'm sorry." Snips was agitated, but he still apologized nonetheless.

"You see, kids? Stealing someone's personal possessions and trying to get rid of them isn't very nice," Twilight winked. "And so I don't want to see you or Butt-Snails doing it ever again, alright?"

"Okay..." Snips reluctantly said as he hung his head.

---

"Twilight's on this island somewhere, I just know that she is!" Trixie said to herself as she looked throughout the long forest to find her foe. "That snot-nosed nerd is gonna pay for humiliating me. Ever since our last encounter, I've been revising the Duel Ponies rulebook and been customizing my deck to find the perfect strategy on defeating her. When we meet again, Twilight Sparkle will be the one to suffer an equally humiliating defeat, making me – The Great and Powerful Trixie – the richest and most talented Duel Ponies player of all once more!"

"Fuchsia, are you sure there aren't any ninjas out here?" Lavender asked as she scanned the tree branches around her as she and Fuchsia tailed behind Trixie. "Because those animes are never wrong..."

"Trixie? Do you know where we can find ninjas out here?" Fuchsia asked. "Because I'm trying to prove to Lavender that she's a big stinky-head and that I was right,"

"Listen, girls. I'm going to tell you a story about ninjas," Trixie spoke in response, grabbing the attention of both Fuchsia Blush and Lavender Lace. "Once upon a time, there was an anime known as Naruto, with a sexy protagonist with the exact same name..."

Comments

[Utopianking]

Oh, Cadence is Bakura. So Chrysalis is going to be Florence, eh