Chapter 16: Plotdumping
Steven Magnet's Castle
Somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle...
"Gentlemen, behold!" one of Steven Magnet's staff members addressed Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and the other finalists who were sitting at the banquet table. "From here on out, you won't need those Power Glove knock-offs. So feel free to take them off and sigh in relief as you regain your good looks..." as soon as he finished, he watched everyone throw their gloves down onto the ground. He heard them sigh in relief, then said. "Now that's what I call throwing down the gauntlet..."
"But anyways, from now on, each of you have to carry this one blank card, and this card with a picture what we presume is pirate treasure," another staff member appeared and held up the two cards each player needed to continue their participation in the tournament.
"Seems like you made us get rid of c
p, only for us to get slightly better cp for us to hold on to..." Twilight rolled her eyes, but reluctantly took the two cards.
"Whatever it is, I just want to get this broken first season over with so we can get onto the more fixed version of Duel Ponies..." Rainbow Dash sighed as she took her cards.
"You do realize that we probably won't stand a chance against Steven, right, you two?" Gilda warned the two friends. "Toon Trixie might just be the tip of the iceberg, for all we know..."
"What's next? Toon Snips? Toon Bandit Rover?" Twilight joked. "Bring them on. I'll send those little freaks back to the toddler and small child TV channel they crawled out of with the help of Yami..."
"Whatever he throws at you, I'm sure you'll be able to handle it, Twilight," Rainbow Dash smirked confidently. "Unless he brings out flowers who sing Barney the Dinosaur songs, then you'd really be fed..."
*Intro+your mind=easy way to make it through this moment.*
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
"Good night, girls! I sure don't hope my somehow sexier alter ego returns to rape you in the middle of the night," Cadence waved the rest of the group as she retired to her bedroom. "Because that usually happens to other characters who get involved in things with me..."
"Just get to bed and dream of erotic things, Cadence," Pinkie Pie shouted from across the hallway. "That should help you get your mind off of Chrissy..."
"You know, I can't help but get the feeling that Rover's trying to stalk us..." Twilight looked down the hallway and saw that Rover was daintly leaning against the wall with his hands behind his head.
"Oh he's a minor villain, nothing more," Rainbow Dash explained as the two walked towards their respective bedrooms. "Now let's get to sleep. We've got a long day ahead of us, and so has the writer with his four-week trip to Florida, with an extra little trip to BronyCon on the side..."
"Sounds like he's got quite the vacation planned..." Twilight smiled as her voice trailed off with how far she walked into the hallway. "Especially since he's going to board the plane one day before school finishes for him..."
"You know, I'm beginning to wonder if it's physically possible to become a Griffon Lady in real life..." Gilda said to herself as she examined each and every card in her deck. "It'd save me a lot of money for air travel, I'll tell ya that..."
"Oh yes... that's right, Trixie..." Rainbow Dash muttered in her sleep. "You might talk a lot, but you sure can deliver... That's right, put it in there! I've been a naughty little Rainbow Dash, haven't I?" she moaned in satisfaction as she had an erotic dream of Trixie having sex with her whilst they both wore adult-sized baby clothes. "Spank me! Make me feel sorry for what I did! Yes! YES! YEEEESSSSS!"
"You know, I wonder what happens to the rest of my entourage in this episode..." Twilight thought, then tipped back onto her bed. "Meh, maybe it's nothing..."
"Status update," Pinkie Pie was typing on her computer in her own private room. "Both Twily and Dashie made it to the semi-finals of the Duel Ponies tournament on Mr. Magnet's island in the Bermuda Triangle. And let me tell you, they were so relieved to be rid of their Power Gloves. Seriously, it's the coolest-looking thing that Nintendo managed to fk up entirely to this day... But anyway, tomorrow, I'll just be sitting on the sidelines, rooting for Twily and Dashie as they duel Gilda and Bandit Rover. *gasp* What if they have to fight each other in the final match?! That'll make me so nervousited that I won't know who to root for..."
Suddenly, a knocking noise came from Pinkie's door.
"Ooh! That must be the room service I ordered..." she sent her status update with a smiley face emoticon and skipped over to the door, humming a little tune. When she opened it, Applejack and Cadence were on the other side of it. "Huh? You two? What are you doing here?"
"We can't sleep, Pinkie Pie..." Applejack explained bluntly. "We had nightmares about this fanfiction becoming really popular and beloved by the entire brony fandom..."
"That, and we're worried about whether or not the fandom will appreciate a british writer who stumbled his way onto Equestria Daily with a fanfiction about Trixie becoming a Breezie..." Cadence added.
"Well, what else is new, you girls?" Pinkie asked as they all sat down on the couches.
"Ah'm sick and tired of being a minor and unloved character. Even after all the things I did in this story, the writer still thinks ah'm bland and uninteresting," Applejack said with a hint of spite in her voice. "Well, ah'll earn his affection even if ah have to have a side adventure of my own..."
"And how exactly do you plan on doing that, Applejack?" Pinkie asked.
"Well, there's no card games in this episode for one," Applejack explained. "And two, this is the episode where we stumble upon Mr. Magnet's dark secret to his power. Meanwhile, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Gilda, and Bandit Rover all have separate moments where they're just talking to themselves..."
And suddenly, Friendship on Motorcycles doesn't sound stupid anymore..." Pinkie Pie deadpanned. "Honestly, by the time Friendship Games airs, every brony in the fandom will be screaming 'Friendship on Motorcycles'...."
"I wonder how popular I'd become with those griffon wings..." Gilda envisioned herself with a pair of mighty brown wings, soaring through the sky and slashing at anything that caught her fancy.
"You know, the Diamond Dogs are quite under-appreciated in this fandom," Rover laid back on his bed with a smile. "Let's see if I can change that..."
Rover performed a series of squat thrusts and muscles flexes. Then, he moved on to doing press-ups with one hand, accompanied by a few sit-ups afterwards. Finally, with one graceful leap, he somersaulted back onto his bed and grinned in triumph.
[Yes, ladies. Bandit Rover is now single. Get him while you can...]
"Well, we've been down here looking for Magnet's dark secret for over an hour now, and I feel like we're getting absolutely nowhere fast..." Cadence sighed as the group travelled down a darkened stone corridor. It bared a striking resemblance to the types of tunnel that would lead to a medieval torture chamber. "Honestly, who's idea was it to create this useless plotdump of an episode?"
"Maybe if we offer Cadence as a sacrifice, we'll find the secret we've been looking for..." Pinkie Pie's hair became flat and sinister as she picked up a hook and some rope from the nearby wall. However, as soon as she did, a portion of the wall slid into the ground, revealing a hidden passageway. "Or we could just walk up here..."
"Ah just hope that there's somethin' up here, otherwise this whole adventure was a total bust..." Applejack walked up the stairs behind Pinkie Pie but ahead of Cadence.
"Look! We've found a secret room!" Pinkie Pie announced from the top of the stairs, getting the rest of the girls to run the rest of the way up.
It was a short trip, but it eventually led to a well-furnished room with a picture of a beautiful lady with brown hair in a golden picture frame. There was also a four-poster bed, a bedside table, a make-up desk, a window to the island, and a chandelier with crystals dangling from it.
"Who do you think this room could've belonged to?" Cadence asked as they examined the room.
"Maybe this was installed before Steven Magnet was a big homosexual," Pinkie Pie smiled as she looked at the picture. "I mean look at how hot this woman is..."
"That's no ordinary woman... That's Kazumi Evans!" Cadence gasped when she realized who it was. "She's got the most gorgeous singing voice I've heard in years. And she's become pretty popular after the events of Rainbow Rocks..."
"I guess those roles as Adagio and Octavia really boosted her reputation..." Pinkie Pie assumed.
"What are you three doing here, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Cadence?" Steven Magnet walked into the room and confronted the three girls. "This is a private room only for me and my future bride."
"Your future bride?" Applejack burst out laughing. "That's the funniest thing ah've ever heard!"
"Yeah! Everybody knows that Steven Magnet's the gayest character out of all of Friendship is Magic!" Pinkie Pie added.
"How dare you make fun of my life decisions," Steven's left eye glowed violently. "Just for that, I'm going to have to teach you disobedient little toddlers just what it means to be one of the main characters..."
In a swift flash of black light, Cadence, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack were cast into a black void. They screamed as they fell, and groaned when they collided with brightly coloured stone flooring. They got up and heard the faint sound of chanting in the distance.
"Who's that? And why are they chanting Justin Bieber songs?" Pinkie Pie asked as they made it to a room where figures in black hoods were chanting without pause.
"Sounds like they're preparing for a really archaic and dark ritual in which they turn a straight person gay..." Applejack came to the assumption as a human sacrifice was wheeled in with it's arms and legs clamped into a strange device on wheels.
"For the first time, and I was like, Baby, Baby, Baby, ohhh. Baby, Baby, Baby, ohhh..." Steven Magnet sang as the human was panicking and shuffling around in the restraints, trying to block out the song he was hearing.
"Holy on a sandwich with on top, garnished with a layer of and pepper..." Applejack gasped.
"Of all the satanic rituals I've seen so far, this has to be the strangest one yet..." Cadence's voice was loud enough to disrupt the ritual and get them all discovered by Magnet and the hoods.
"How dare you interrupt the legendary Justin Bieber and his many magical songs," Steven Magnet unveiled his eye once more and prepared to eliminate the three girls with one powerful strike.
"Alright, Steven Magnet, we've come this far and had to put up with you singing one of the worst songs in existence," Applejack announced as she pointed a finger at Steven. "What's your deep, dark secret that you've been hiding from the rest of the cast?"
"I'm in no mood to reveal my secret to the three of you. After all, you're not even duelists, so you couldn't possibly understand the situation at hand.
"Now, I'm going to use my dark powers to banish the three of you to Inferno, unless you have some dark magic that could counter that of my own..." Magnet was about to cast his spell, when Cadence was consumed in a green light. When it faded, Steven stumbled backwards as Chrysalis appeared in Cadence's place. "What the?! Chrysalis?! But I thought they got rid of your Equestria Girls model..."
"Think again, Steven Magnet. The bronies went crazy when they saw my model on display at that toy fair a while back," Chrysalis shone a raidant green that counter-acted Steven Magnet's Left Eye of Darkness. "And now, I'm going to use my neuralizer-class sexiness to make it seem like this adventure never happened..."
The lights collided and created a massive burst of white light, putting everybody back to sleep in their own beds.
"Heh," Rover smirked as he broke into Rainbow Dash's room. "Rainbow Dash talks a lot of game, but let's see how she handles when she realizes she doesn't have her two cards that she needs for the semi-finals... " he swiped the cards from Rainbow Dash's coat pocket. "I just love stealing things..."
"Though at the same time, I wouldn't want to fly in the middle of a thunderstorm..." Gilda kept on fantasizing about being a griffon. "Though I wonder how awesomely fried my wings would look..."
"Now it's time for Chrysalis to take the spotlight again—"
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
"—Wait, the episode's over already?! Oh well, never mind..."
[And this is why Applejack shouldn't be allowed to have her own adventures...]
"At least they know I'm back, so there's no need for the fans to cry about me..."
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Cool. I won't be going to Brony Con (unfortunately).
But in a couple of weeks I'll be heading to Gen Con. So many games dude.