Po-Ni-Oh! The Abridged Series

by Shadowmane PX-41

Chapter 11: Someone's Gonna Get Sued Tonight...

Author's Note:

You know, recent studies have shown that anything can be creepy. Results may vary on what you find creepy, though...

After spending two-hundred minutes of hacking into Steven's computer system, an extra fifty downloading every remix of Tricks Up My Sleeve to his iTunes album, and almost half a day playing Candy Crush Soda Saga, I think it's time I went and confronted Steven... Trixie stood up from her chair and noticed that two strong men were behind her. Oh, cp! I've been discovered! There's only one thing to do at a time like this!

"Uhh... I'm the maintenance guy?" Trixie blushed and rubbed the back of her head as she spoke to the security that had cornered her.

"Yeah, right. Tell that to Mr. Magnet." One of the security enforcers wrapped his arm around Trixie's chest and began to forcibly jerk her form her spot.

"Hey! Hands off the merchandise, buddy..." Trixie said as she removed the guard's arm from her chest and merely walked out of the room. "Just get me to Mr. Magnet already. I have an appointment with him that's long overdue..."

Trixie was then escorted by the two buff men towards Steven Magnet's office. The journey was long and uneventful, with the guards humming songs from the Spice Girls. Through it all, Trixie felt like pulling her hair out in frustration.

"Ooh! I see that you have arrived at last, Trixie..." Steven Magnet said as he stood up from his fruit bowl, wearing female clothes which had been soaked in beer. "Forgive how I look, but these parties make me feel so naughty, naughty, naughty!"

"Yeah, yeah. We get that you're gay," Trixie deadpanned. "Now then, to discuss why I'm really here..."

"I know. You want to arrange a 1v1 duel against Twilight Sparkle's sexy alter ego, therefore restoring your credability. Am I right?" Steven correctly perceived as his left eye flashed red.

"How did you guess that without me finishing?" Trixie stumbled backwards in surprise.

"Because I'm a psychic ghost from the future who knows your worst nightmares and can summon them at will..." Steven smiled viciously. "Just kidding, I'm using one of the Seven Swaggenium Items to forsee the future..."

"So you're the undefeated maker of Duel Ponies, just for cheating?!" Trixie's blood was brought to a boil. "Well, st. You've just doomed yourself with that truth. Now I'm going to leave the island and tell everybody that you're a big fat cheater, and that you can't deny that you're using a cursed artifact to win every duel placed in front of you."

"I'm sorry, do you think you could come a little closer and say that?" Steven Magnet prompted Trixie to stand on a tile with special white lines. "Maybe step on that tile in front of you?"

"What I was saying was—"

"Goodbye, Trixie..." Steven pushed a button on his desk, causing a trap door to open underneath Trixie's feet.

Screaming as she fell down the hole, Trixie then said. "NowIunderstandhowitfeelstobetheRainboomswhenIpulledthisonthemduringRainbowRocks!"

---

*Kawaiiyah, tsukediaaaa, todekei, flyantwia giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*

PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES

---

"You know, I feel like this tournament was all just some hoax by Steven Magnet because he wants to fight me again," Twilight came to the assumption as she and her four friends walked through the forest together. "Why else would he send me here to fight a demon, Thomas Elliot, and Kratos?"

"Maybe it's because he's getting some inspiration for a bad fanfic of his..." Rainbow Dash flipped her hand as she examined the darkened branches on the trees around her.

"Nah, that's what someone up there in the sky is doing..." Twilight looked upwards. "Who knows how many bottles of beer they had to drink to come up with something as uninspired and unoriginal as this?"

"It's almost like that one time where I stripped down naked after—"

"Eww! Gross, Cadence!" Rainbow Dash cut her off before she could finish. "Leave those stories for your husband, or boyfriend, or whatever he is..."

"Why is it gross?" Cadence asked as she shifted her shoulders.

"Yes. What's so gross about a girl talking about how she stripped herself naked in front of a crowd of males and danced by tenderly rubbing a pole and swinging around on it?" Twilight asked.

Nothing much, when you think about it... Yami Twilight appeared next to Twilight once more.

"Hey! What's that?" Applejack pointed out towards a nearby cloud of dirt approaching them, with a scream getting louder and louder as it moved.

A figure shot past them and smashed into a tree, letting out a deafening holler of pain as it's sphincter collided against it.

"There's only one person I know who screams like that..." Twilight ran over to check the figure, then gasped when the dust finally settled. "Trixie? Is that you?"

"What happened?!" Rainbow Dash ran over and helped Trixie back onto her feet, with her hand being yanked forward afterwards.

"Touch me again, and I'll tear your face off and post it on Facebook and Twitter..." Trixie said maliciously, then calmed down as she turned to Twilight. "Twilight, I know this is something you probably won't believe but—"

"Steven Magnet's a big fat cheater who screws the rules more than you and Seto Kaiba combined?" Twilight answered, causing Trixie to let out a gasp.

"You know as well?" Trixie was thunderstruck.

"Yeah. In fact, he whipped my ass into shape by playing some cpy Saw parody with me," Twilight sighed, remembering how humiliating the duel was for her. "If that dag hadn't been monologuing about something that made sense, then maybe I would have won in time..."

"Then you're the only one I can trust to defeat Steven Magnet; right after me, of course..." Trixie began walking towards the castle. "I'm going to climb back up the tower and massacre any of his security forces in the most gruesome and morbid ways possible. Then, I'm going to find the gay snake himself and challenge him to a duel, to prove that cheating is never the answer."

"But isn't the whole first series of Yu-Gi-Oh! just full of cheating due to the broken mechanics?" Twilight asked as she raised a finger. "And if that's the case, then shouldn't we wait until the Battle City saga to face Magnet fair and square?"

"Trust me, Twilight. I've read this series' story ahead of time," Trixie smirked. "I know that there's going to be an even bigger threat in the Battle City saga. She has golden hair, sexy hips, and commands one of three ultimate rare cards that will win her every single duel until she has her final clash with your sexy alter ego...

"And by the way, there's supposed to be a scene where me and Rainbow Dash have a short duel using the Beyblade Duel Disks I created," Trixie held up a briefcase, opened it wide, and then threw a disk to Rainbow Dash. "Don't ask why I combined the two games, I was bored..."

---

"You ready to lose, Trixie?" Rainbow Dash asked with veneer as she put her card onto the disk.

"Lose isn't a word I keep in my dictionary, Rainbow Dork." Trixie said gruffly.

"Three!" said Rainbow Dash.

"Two!" replied Trixie.

"One! LET IT RIP!" both of the girls said as they threw the disks onto the ground, watching them spin and project images of their monsters.

"Man. I liked it better when they just used massive arenas to duel..." Pinkie Pie said as the battle droned on and on and on, with each card only attacking when the two disks collided and bounced off of each other.

"Ah think Beyblade's gonna sue after this fight..." Applejack commented as Trixie and Rainbow Dash's monsters unleashed fatal attacks against one another.

"Go, Grima which I won from Snails! Attack Trixie and knock her onto the floor in the pimpiest of ways possible!" Rainbow Dash's disk generated a colossal dragon which completely shadowed Trixie and her monster.

"Star-Eyes! Counter Grima's attack because the Attack Points aren't shown in this battle, meaning you have more points because I memorized it!" Trixie commanded her Star-Eyes Ursa Minor to tackle the massive dragon, causing it to smash into the ground and cause Rainbow Dash's disk to fly into a tree and cut it down with one swift motion.

"I call BS on this new duel disk system!" Rainbow Dash shouted as her Life Points dropped to zero.

"Well go and drown your tears in a pool, Rainbow Dirt," Trixie watched Rainbow Dash kneel in front of her. "And besides, these were only the prototypes. Since they can defeat you, I can get to work on a new model. One where the entire playing field can just be on a device on your wrist instead of on these shoddy knock-offs...

"But first, I think we both know where we're going next, Twilight Sparkle," Trixie smiled as she patted Twilight's shoulders in appreciation. We're both going to the castle to expose Magnet for the faker that he is, whilst also rescuing Fuchsia and Lavender in the process."

"You are, but I've still gotta keep control over Rainbow Dash and the others." Twilight looked at her friends.

"Oh yeah, you believe in friendship..." Trixie remembered. "Well, don't let me stop you. You're a fine duellist and all, Twilight, but I'd hate to intervene with your matters on handling three brain-dead infants and one two-faced character with a massive following..."

"They're not brain-dead! All the brain-dead stooges were eliminated in the first few duels of the tournament," Twilight explained. "And besides, the girls get night terrors when I'm not with them."

"Rainbow Dweeb gets night terrors?" Trixie was interested. "Tell me more..."

"Well, one night, I heard her screaming and shouting at the top of her voice. She was a zombie being murdered by plant-life, and that they seemed to do impromptu musical numbers at any given moment in time..." Twilight explained. "She was screaming Barney the Dinosaur until I had to use a bucket of water to wake her up."

"OMEQG! That's so funny!" Trixie clutched her stomach with how much she was laughing at Rainbow Dash's story. "Rainbow Dash, frightened of singing plants? That's the best thing I've heard all week!"

"No fair, Twilight! You promised we'd keep that a secret!" Rainbow Dash grabbed Twilight by the scruff of her collar.

"Sorry, Rainbow Dash, but it was just too embarrassing to keep hidden..." Twilight smiled.

"Anyway, I'm off to rescue my two little sisters," Trixie said as she walked off, lightly chuckling under her breath. Singing plants scare Rainbow Dash. I can just taste the large number of retweets on Twitter and likes on Facebook when this story goes out...

---

"Ooh... Trixie's coming back, isn't she?" Steven looked out into the darkened island. All he could see were the other duelists making camps and roasting meat over fires. "Well, when she does, I'll have a very special little gift just waiting for her..."

"Mr. Magnet. I just deleted all of Trixie's downloads on your computer," a security agent walked into Steven's private office whilst holding a rectangular package. "Oh, and your new Cher album is here."

"Absolutely fabulous!" Steven said gaily as he skipped over to the box and twirled around as he grabbed it. "Tonight, we're going to have a sweet rave party whilst dancing to all of her songs! And the drinks are on me!"

"Well, it could be worse," the guard said to himself. "At least we're not playing Twister aga—"

"And then, we're going to play Twister together!" said Steven.

"Fk my life..." the guard face-palmed...

---

PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES

[So many lawsuits, so little time...]

[You know, plants are the number one cause of death these days, according to PopCap Games...]