• Published 1st Jul 2015
  • 3,996 Views, 277 Comments

Broken then Healed 2 - Tohshi

Despite still being plagued by nightmares, Lilac has adapt well and spends their time in the idyllic Ponyvile. When pains of the past resurface, Lilac has to help shoulder those pains, and help heal that which was broken.

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Part 1: Chapter 16

Chapter 16 Nightmares and Changes

All around me were the ponies I love. Each of them with looks of utter disgust. No matter what I said it didn’t matter. I had killed. I had taken a life. It didn’t matter to them that I was justified in it. That it was my only choice. I felt myself changing. Shifting and growing. Soon I towered above all of them. My horn lit up in a sickly green aura and I started to pull at Lyra’s soul. I would eat her and after her all of the rest would follow. A blurry indigo light shone through my world and it faded from view only to be left with images of those who loved me. But even they wouldn’t love me anymore. Not after what I did.

I was at Melody’s funeral once more. It was the fourteenth time that I had been here that I could remember. It was weird reliving this day over and over again. Each time lead me to my own death and then I would wake at the start of the day once more. Each time though grew darker and harder to bear. I would not wait till the night to end it this time. No I would do so after the funeral. Right afterwards. And maybe the next time through this day I won’t even go. I’ll just end it right away. There is no end to this cycle. There is no end to this pain. At least this way I don’t have to walk past all the ponies that I disgust. A indigo light flooded the world and the faces that had been staring at me with a mix of hate and disgust, a face I knew so well due to my dad, were now smiling. But it looked off on all the humans. Like it had been pasted on. I still ended it. The next day would be worse but that brief moment of not being was worth it. The indigo light came again and the world was fixed. One thought tried to prevail. The happiness of that moment seemed distant now.

I was walking somewhere I didn’t recognize but I never seemed to miss a step nor take a wrong turn. It was a strange tunnel system. My drones ran by me busy with their work. They were under their own operations for the time being. It was too much hassle to have to micromanage them all the time. A thought occurred to me that having so many children and just thinking of them as nothing but tools was wrong but the thought faded quickly as if a memory from a different life. I walked into a specific room. It had been my destination all along and what I seeked was waiting for me. Chained to the wall and bleeding lie the greatest annoyances to have ever defied me. Twilight Sparkle, Mi amore Cadenza, Twilight’s brother, whose name I felt like I should have remembered, and Celestia herself were all stuck to the wall their mouths covered without obstructing their breathing. After all I wanted them to be alive when it came time to torture them. Dead bodies felt no pain after all. But other things needed dealing with first. My pawn of a daughter was chained in a corner and her punishment would be most grand. I would kill the one she cared for the most. The light purple filly that was stuck to the wall near my useless daughter reminded me of someone. It was the way her pink hair had lighter streaks in it. If it wasn’t absurd I would say it was me. But I was a tall changeling queen. Wait was I? I closed my eyes and when I opened them I was the one stuck to the wall. Pain shot through me. It went on for ages till an indigo light freed me from this prison. But where I went was back to the ponies who wouldn’t love me anymore.

The darkness parted and I woke in the Black Suite. I could smell food being made in the room next to mine. It was weird waking so late but I wasn’t complaining the food smelt wonderful. I stumbled into the kitchen living room combo. There was something wrong with my legs and looking at them only revealed charred stumps. Bon Bon was at the stove flipping pancakes. Something smelt wonderful but it was a weird and old thought. Wait that was bacon. THere was no way we were eating bacon. We were herbivores. Bon Bon turned to look at me. Her movement was jerky and random. Dread started to build in that moment. Her face was all torn up with bone exposed on one half. There was a fire of anger in her eyes, or eye. She started to speak but it came out wrong and twisted. Then I noticed the glowing eyes poking out of her belly. She reached for me and pulled me closer. I felt her teeth sink into me. They ripped like nothing should have. I deserved this A flash of indigo and Bon Bon was back to normal. The smell of bacon was gone and there was a sense of calmness. It seemed so fake though. Like it was forced. None of this was real.

I slowly faded from the black darkness that seemed to cover my mind into a more grey fog. My head hurt and everything felt so heavy. Even my eyelids were too heavy to open. I drifted from a state of semi-lucidness to lost in a fugue and back more times than I cared to count. The period between them though was quite small and slowly my lucidity seemed to become more stable. I took stock of myself. I didn’t know where I was and the place offered no clues as it was quiet and I didn’t smell anything. My eyes were still refusing to listen. The thing that caught my attention the most was my wellspring. Normally it was just out of sight in my mind. Always there but not in focus unless I wished it to be so. It had been like a candle in the dark but now a pyre roared in my mind and soul.

After much effort I managed to open my eyes only to immediately regret it. The room was so bright that it hurt to have my eyes open. I blinked a few times trying to adjust and thankfully it wasn’t long before I could see once more. The crystalline walls and colors all lead me to the conclusion that I was in Twilight’s castle. It wasn’t a room that I recognized though but I assumed it must have been in the basement as there were no windows. The light was from an orb of crystal that was suspended from the ceiling that seemed to have a sacred flame on it. The walls were covered in magical circles that glowed with power. Some of the symbols in them pointed towards the circles being wards but against what I wasn’t certain.

The door opened and in stepped Twilight. She had such a pained look on her face and she immediately burst into tears. She scooped me up into a hug and held me tightly. I didn’t deserve this. She shouldn’t love me.

“Lilac,” Twilight stammered. “Thank Celestia that you are awake. How are you feeling?”

“Uh,” I said. There was something off with my voice like it hadn’t been used in forever. The sudden need to get a drink of water hit me. My mouth was so dry. “Water...please.”

“Oh right,” said Twilight. A cup of water poofed into existence near us. “Here you go.”

I tried to take the cup in my magic but instead of a small stream it was as if I had turned on a firehose. My grip on the cup was so strong it shattered immediately in my grip spilling water all over my lower half. Panic bubbled to the front and images of my bloody wrist flashed through my head. It was as if I fell down a rabbit hole. I was stuck watching, feeling as that image of blood brought me back to my fight with Chrysalis. Gone was my determined righteous fury now only guilt and sadness. I couldn’t escape it. I tried closing my eyes but that only made it worse. Twilight was saying something but I couldn’t make out her words. I just shook as the images took me. Eventually they faded but left me exhausted. It was hard to keep myself upright in the bed.

Twilight had another cup of water from somewhere and the shattered remains of the previous one were nowhere to be found. She lifted the cup up to my mouth and let me take a few quick drinks. My throat felt so much better now. But I couldn‘t shake my guilt it was eating at me in ways that I was all too familiar with and yet it was stronger than ever. It was eating at me. Laughing at me.

“No one will ever love you,” said a voice in my head. It was like a distorted version of my own voice. At first it seemed like it was just a negative thought of mine but there was a sense of foreignness to it that I couldn’t shake. Someone or something was sharing my head.

“I’m hearing voices,” I said.

“Don’t tell her,” the voice said. “She will just lock you up. If you aren’t already locked up in here. After all you did murder someone.”

“That was self-defense,” I said. “I don't have a choice. It was that or let her kill Nympha.”

“We both know that you don’t believe that,” said the voice. “At least I am not the delusional one.”

“Lilac?” asked Twilight. Her face was filled with concern. “Who are you talking to?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I couldn’t feel them anymore but I knew they weren’t gone. “I heard someone or something talking to me. I think...I think it’s in my head.”

“Doctor Vibes will be here to talk to you no later than tomorrow,” Twilight said. “It might just be side effects of being in a coma like sleep for a month.”

“I was out for a month,” I said. Shocked. “Why? What happened?”

“Luna and I think that it has to do with your wellspring and your soul,” explained Twilight. “Wellsprings can and do grow but slowly or at least compared to what you did a month ago. Being stretched by a factor of nearly one hundred is not normal. Your soul had to grow adapt and with it your body in some ways. Funny thing you're still pretty small even for your age. But I have never seen a unicorn with as much magic as you do now. I don’t even think sombra had this much.”

“How much do I have?” I asked. “I mean eight was supposed to be a good number?”

“You are at somewhere over a thousand,” Twilight said.

“A thousand,” I nearly shouted. My mouth nearly hit the bed.

“Your magic lessons became a lot more necessary now. And we may have to start from the beginning as your control over how much you use is going to be a bit iffy now,” said Twilight. “Which is why you are in here. This room was warded so that any outbursts you have would be harmlessly siphoned off. This magic is going to be so useful. Think of how many accidents we can prevent now and all magic kindergarten’s are going to be so much safer now. Really I am super excited for this magic.”

“So you made new magic just for me,” I said. “Again…”

“Oh yeah sorry,” Twilight said. “Got carried away. Either way the wards aren’t just mana siphons but also they ward the dream realm from you. Luna said that your nightmares were worse than ever and a couple of nightmare demons spawned. She thankfully was able to counter them and destroy them before any damage was done but this way none of them could escape. So for the time being you're going to be on sleeping draughts. Luna is going to be making them for you.”

“At least hers are better,” I said. “You should get the recipe from her.”

“Oh I have,” Twilight said. “Mine have improved a lot since then but Luna’s are still better.”

“Did they survive?” I asked solemnly. “How many died?”

“Bon Bon and Lyra are safe,” Twilight said. “I bet they are on their way here now. As for the second question. I don’t want to give you anymore nightmares.”

“I know at least one died,” I said. “I’m a monster.”

“Yes you are,” said the voice. “Why fight it? Embrace it.”

“No you aren't a monster,” Twilight said. “You saved the lives of countless ponies. Not the least of which was Nympha’s. Chrysalis was the monster. You did what you had to. I wish I could have taught you more. Maybe then such drastic measures wouldn’t have been necessary but I don’t even know if there was anything I could have taught you.”

“She is lying,” said the voice. “You know the truth though.”

“You don’t have to lie,” I said dejectedly.

“Nope none of this,” Twilight said. “Luna showed me your dreams. I know what has been eating at you all this time while you slept. It isn’t true. We love you. We will always love you. I love you.”

It was painful to hear those words. I didn’t deserve them. Monster. Killer. Murderer. The feeling of guilt and sorrow were eating at me. But a light shone through that was warm and gentle. Despite being but a slight breeze it washed away my worry and guilt. It was love. Like that which Nympha had bathed me in so many times. Not as strong mind you or as calming but still unmistakeable. I looked up to see Twilight’s horn glowing. I reached out and grabbed Twilight into a hug.

“I picked up a trick from Nympha,” Twilight whispered into my ear. “You can’t fake that. You can’t fake love. Especially not love magic. So trust me when I say I love you. Don’t let your demons drag you down.”

“I’ll try,” I said.

Lyra and Bon Bon showed up some short while later. It was warm and loving. They seemed like they were walking on eggshells the whole time though and when my exhaustion caught up to me I was asked to take a sleeping draught. I was out before I could say good night.

I woke feeling strangely rested. Even Luna’s draught left me feeling drowsy in the morning and something else felt off. Maybe I was just paranoid. The dark of the room slowly faded away and revealed a strange place. One I had not fallen asleep in. The room was very dirty and I lifted myself off the floor. Roots of something were poking through the stone slab walls. A moment later and there was a bright flash. Discord as well as a number of humans appeared out of nowhere. They were each strangely dressed and often had weird colors of hair or skin tone.

“What do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” asked Discord. He was strangely polite and if I wasn’t mistaken I could sense fear in his voice.

“You know why we are here,” said an angry man with fiery red hair. He was wearing a business suit that was rapidly switching between black, white and all the shades in between. “I mean why else do all of us get together. Because someone fucked up. And again it is you. Wait you weren’t at the previous one.”

“Entropy,” said a blonde woman who was strikingly beautiful. She was holding a golden apple in her hands and was wearing what looked like a toga. “There is no need to be hostile. I know you don’t like him. We all know you don’t like him. Hell you don’t like any of us. Now follow the rules.”

“It is so silly we have rules,” said a small skinny girl wearing short shorts and a tank top. Her hair was a wild mess that was multicolored in such a fashion that it couldn’t have been dyed. “Though I guess rules for but a moment are better than this taking forever.”

“Delight, you were the one that insisted that we have rules,” said a raven sitting on a fence post.

“Delirium, now,” said the technicolor haired girl. “But you’re right. So silly of me to forget.”

“Let’s on with this,” said Entropy, the red head man whose suit was not quite pitch black at the moment. “I fucking hate all this drivel and I have worlds to burn.”

“Look it has been nearly a thousand years,” said the blonde with the apple. “Some amount of catching up is fine. Besides it isn’t like we don’t have all the time we want.”

“This bores me,” Entropy said. “And Eris quite trying to play the politician. None of us are going to allow you to be the head.”

“Hmph,” murmured Eris, the blonde. “Not for here and now. Or at least not yet.”

A dog who looked more painted than real laughed at all of this. He curled up next to me and wrapped around me like a snake. His touch seemed so foreign and harsh unlike when Discord had done the same before. There was a playfulness to it but unrefined like my friend’s. He spoke to the group and not me, saying, “Let’s at least get on topic. He might throw a fit if we don’t and that will take even longer.”

Entropy looked like he wanted to strangle the strange dog wrapped around me. THe rest of the group of which many seemed to be off in their own worlds came back to the circle. There must have been at least twenty of them in total. A few of them stood out from the crowd. A jackal faced man with dark skin. A pale skinned dark haired person wearing all green who carried a curved spear and a helmet with impossibly long horns. A pair of satyr like creatures who had not separated the whole time. There were so much variety.

“Finally. We have come together to deal with a breach of dimensions. He stole what is rightfully mine. Twice,” said Entropy. It was then that I noticed Annabelle in the shadows beyond the far side of the group. “And if that wasn’t enough the two of them who are embodiments of the harmony that rules his land have cause more chaos than he has in the last thousand years. Discord is unfit to be amongst us. He must be purged.”

There was shouting at that. Each of the twenty seemed taken aback by Entropy’s words. Discord seemed to have his colors fade from him. An anger built in me. No one would be purging my friend. I tried to move but the dog who was snaked around me tightened his grip on me.

“Now now don’t worry,” the dog whispered in my ear.

“Purged?” Discord said. His voice was filled with disgust. “I thought that we had decided that we weren’t going to interfere with each other's worlds. You want to purge me due to low performance? If you had your way and finally completed your work you would be the worst of all of us. I would have done more chaos as a statue in a garden than what your world would look like.”

“You will not talk to me like I am one of your pathetic ponies that you care so much about,” Entropy shouted. “My dream is perfection.”

“And that is the problem,” said Delirium. “But that isn’t the point, is it?”

“I do not agree with this course of action,” said the jackal headed man. “He does not deserve to be purged. But I see merit in taking some form of action.”

“What about our other poor performers?” asked Eris, the blonde with the golden apple. “Discord isn’t the only one who is not shall we say up to snuff. Where individually they fail together they may yet prevail. Whimsy, Melancholy. I know you are here but hiding. Come forth please.”

A lone human walked forward. I couldn’t tell their gender and they were strangely generic for this group. There was a slight flash and where once stood one person now stood two. Each were tall horned creatures that seemed impossibly thin. They had hooves instead of feet but were seemingly otherwise mostly human or well humanoid. They were quite beautiful and delicate looking. One was a strange assortment of colors that was reminiscent of a field of flowers while the other was a dark grey in garb and hair. The darker one’s hair nearly touched the floor while the more bright one’s hair had a pixie cut quality to it.

Jerking back and forth and pressing their back into the grey one, the colorful one had a look of panic on their face. Wrapping their arms around the colorful one the grey one word love on their face. The grey one said, “What do you want with us? I know we don’t meet your standards but we do our best. You are causing her to freak out.”

“Like we care,” said Entropy. “What could these two useless pieces of flesh do, Eris?”

“Well my thoughts are that if one or in their case two isn’t enough why not together. We make them work together. At the very least it should be good for some laughs in a few hundred years,” Eris said. “I propose we merge their worlds together.”

The dog wrapped around me burst into laughter that was loud enough that my ears hurt. He uncurled from me and stepped forward. He said, “Great idea. At the very least things will be hectic for a while in their worlds and if this doesn’t work the way we want then maybe we think of more drastic measures.”

“Who all agrees,” asked the raven. “I wish to be done with this.”

Most of the group raised their appendages whatever that might be. The only who didn’t were the three who the vote was about. There was a huge buildup of magic in the air that fizzled out after a moment. It was anticlimactic but I couldn’t do anything about it. Much of the group had disappeared with the burst of magic but Eris, Melancholy, Whimsy and Discord all stayed. Each looked different than they had a moment ago. Discord and the other two were noticeably shaking but it was Eris that kept my eye. She walked over to the two huddled together and squished them into a hug.

“Look, sister and sibling,” said Eris. “Entropy is gaining favor in the group and I can’t protect you for much longer. This gives us time. I know it is drastic and harsh but you’ll get through this. Besides some company might do you some good. The change will take place in a week or two your time. Call me if you need anything.”

With that Eris disappeared. Annabelle was shaking a handful of meters away from me and I rushed to her side. The two of us just tried to let it sink in what we had just seen. Knowing that there were more gods of chaos than Discord was a bit of a startle but to see so many. It was a bit off putting.

“Whimsy, Melancholy,” Discord said. “I know that this isn’t ideal but we do need to work together now. If we are going to stop the coming death of our worlds or I guess world, then we are going to have to work together on this one.”

“This is all your fault,” Melancholy said. “And you want us to work with you. Hmmph. You are just as bad as the rest of them.”

“Melly,” said Whimsy. “Please don’t fight. I can’t take anymore. Discord means well and at this point we can’t do anything about it. Discord, I don’t know how much help we can be but we will try.”

“That is all anyone can ask for,” Discord said. “Don’t worry. If the pudding hits the fan, I’ll protect you from them.”

We blinked out of the strange dark void that we had been in and I found myself in a different room in the castle. Annabelle had passed out or fallen asleep and I couldn’t tell which. This was my room. Discord was sitting on the end of the bed. His head hung low and storm clouds were forming over him. I covered up Annabelle and walked over to Discord. I leaned up against him and tried my best to comfort him.

“We are screwed aren’t we?” I asked.

“More than you know. More than you know,” said Discord.

Author's Note:

So for those of you who read my blog post a bit ago about changes and story direction. This is a direct result of that. I am off the rails for now. I have some plans but I don't really know how everthing is going to fit together just yet. Part of the reason this took so long to write. Really probably like 10% of the reason but still. Things will never be the same. I had always seen the first two books as a sort of introduction to Lilac and that things would branch out from here. Sadly this chapter may end up being mostly book 3 bait. In that The results of this may not be in this book much. I mean it has been just over a week of shown time in book so far (not counting the month of sleepy time for Lilac) so yeah this book may not make it to one week later. Besides I can't help but think there is almost no way to end this one without leaving a lot of questions unanswered outside of making this one into a sprawling epic which I might do.