• Published 1st Jul 2015
  • 3,923 Views, 277 Comments

Broken then Healed 2 - Tohshi

Despite still being plagued by nightmares, Lilac has adapt well and spends their time in the idyllic Ponyvile. When pains of the past resurface, Lilac has to help shoulder those pains, and help heal that which was broken.

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Part 1: Chapter 3

Chapter 3
A loud murmuring filled the room. hundreds of faceless ponies sat in their chairs staring blankly at an empty podium. I head them from behind the podium. The podium slowly shrink away till it no longer provide that cover. I could feel their eyeless stares. Slowly a small crack appeared in each of their faces that spread until a large gashing mouth filled where their face should be.

Jumping from their seats The Faceless ones rushed me. I ran squealing from my attackers. They chased me far and soon enough I found myself atop a large cliff. The Faceless ones had fallen behind but their noise still filled the air. I I turn to the cliff in looked down trying desperately to find an escape. Far below the bloody monster waited for me. It's teeth glistening in the dark. The rattling of a chain link fence filled my ears as I see a footing let loose. The maw below grew larger and larger till it engulfed me.

In darkness I woke. A cold sweet had drenched my fur, and dampened my bed. For a moment or two I sat panting, waiting for my heart to return to its normal beat. The monster's teeth still dancing in my head.

Through the castle window a crescent moon illuminated the night and my room. The light of the moon fell on my desk where a number of drawing utensils were scattered after use. Dragging myself from bed, I started to draw. At first I just let the darkness out and pictures of my tormentor's filled the pages before me. Eventually though my thoughts turned to my true pain and what I had lost. Her eyes were the most striking thing in my head. Melody I miss you. I drew her at peace and happiness in this utopia I had found myself in. She would have loved it here. I brought her “sister” with her in the pictures.

The coming dawn brightened my room, making me aware of how much time I had been drawing. The distant sounds of a castle waking shifted through my cracked bedroom door. I stiffled a yawn as I collected my drawings into a neat pile, the thickness of which betrayed just how long I had been up. With my desk made clean, I left my bedroom behind.

I meandered my way towards the kitchens, which was bound to be busy. The guard population had grown substantially over the last couple months, and now there was an on staff cook. The guard shift would be changing in an hour or so, and as such the kitchens would be busy with breakfast. A nice warm muffin with my name on it waited for my presence.

The castle glowed in morning, the light diffusing through out the halls of the crystal tree. This was the best part of waking early, to watch the morning sun playfully chase the shadows away for the day. It was enough to keep my growing dread of the day ahead at bay till I was outside the doors of the kitchen.

Inside was a storm of movement and sound as the staff prepared the days meals. A table overflowing with pastries and bread had a single muffin on a plate waiting for me. The lead baker left one for me every morning I stayed since the first day, when I spent almost two hours trying to get up the nerve to ask for one. He had made sure to have one ready since, a fact I appreciated a lot. Today's muffin was a nice poppy seed with a light honey glaze drizzled on top.

I wandered the halls for a few more hours, or what felt like hours, as I munched on the muffin. The castle was still mostly empty save for guards on most days. The number of aspirants asking for Twilight's mediation was fairly limited still, a fact Twilight both complained about and was grateful for. Growing tired of walking I headed to our art room to continue my current project.

Sometime later Twilight came to drag me away from my painting. The time of my appointment was nearly appon us when she entered the room. I could see the bags under her eyes, proof that she had been up working on some project of her own.

“Good morning, Lilac,” Twilight said. She stifled a yawn with her hoof. “Didn't sleep much again?”

“Morning. No, I didn't all that much. Another nightmare,” I said as I washed my brushes.

“Do you want me to have a sleeping drought made up for you tonight?” Twilight asked; her tone gentle and concerned. “I have the ingredients if you need or want it.”

“Thanks for offer,” I replied sheepishly. “Those make me groggy all day afterwards, so I don't think so. But yeah, thanks.”

“It's your choice. It is almost time for your appointment,” Twilight stated; the concern still not left her voice. “Want to walk or teleport there?”

“Teleport, if you don't mind,” I said. A quick shudder ran through my body as images of the now crowded market flowed through my head. The loud murmuring of the crowd, being bumped into and pushed to and fro made my head spin slightly. “I don't want to deal with the market today, or for that mater walking around it.”

“That's fine by me,” Twilight said. Her magical aura engulfed us both and with a loud pop and a twist of our entire selves we stood outside a light blue two story town house. It had flower print curtains drawn across the windows, and a bright red door. A sign was nailed just to the side of the door that read: “Doctor Pleasant's Therapeutic Therapy”. A vein in my head threatened to pop as it did every time I saw that sign.

Twilight lead us into the house, me dragging my feet along the way. Logically I understood that I always felt better after my sessions with Doctor Vibes, vein threatening me again, but I still dreaded the journey here. The doctor would tell me to man up, and that I was just a weakling, and that I didn't deserve his services, and he would toss me out, and then my family would be mad at me and take his side. Variations of that fear ran through my head every time I had an appointment with him, each time having proven my worries false.

“Ah, Lilac, just in time for your appointment,” Doctor Vibes said when he saw us in the door. He got up and shook Twilight's hoof. “Well ready to get started? Or Twilight is there something that you needed to talk with me about first?”

“Nope,” Twilight said shaking her head slightly. “Just the continuation of the normal at this point.”

“Well lets get to it then,” said Doctor Vibes. He opened a door into what must have been a living room at one point. The doctor's dark brown fur was a contrast with what lied in the room. He gently pushed me in with a slight glow of his horn.

Inside the room a large plush couch was accompanied by a simple armchair. A low coffee table separated the two seats, which had a large scar near its center. I liked to imagine that the Doctor had once defended himself from an irate patient. Though such things seemed unlikely in Ponyvile, and I had never bothered to ask. The room was painted a light sky blue and was mostly devoid of decorations.

Taking his customary seat on the armchair, he took out his notes and began recording them with a pen and his magic. He would look back and forth from me and his notes for a few minutes while we sat in silence.

Breaking the wait, I said, “So I had another nightmare last night. It was a different one this time. A large crowd but then it devolved in to the monster eating me again.”

“I am sad to hear that,” Doctor Vibes said compassionately. “I was hoping we were making some progress in that realm, that and maybe that Princess Luna would also have been of help.”

“She has been helping me,” I said quietly. Guilt of my nightmares boiled in my stomach as I remembered Princess Luna's words about the nightmare's escaping my head at times. “I just don't know how to face this problem.”

“Well lets continue our delve into your past if you are feeling up to it,” Doctor Vibes said. I nodded my head in response. “I believe you had talked about fifth grade last? “-He checked his notes-” Yes that is where we were last.”

I sighed heavily. I did not have good memories of my time in middle school. I started, “Well school was both better and worse at that point, it was easier to fade into the background of the class and be ignored by my tormentors but when I did get their attention the jeering and barbs were much worse. I got allot of crap about my long hair at that time. But that change about midway through seventh grade. My step-mom caught me wearing my sister's dress and she flipped out at me. I don't think I had ever seen her so mad before or ever again.”

“Why was she so mad? Gender play is normal for young foals especially before puberty,” Doctor Vibes asked.

“In human society, or at least my countries society, such things are frowned upon. Especially for young boys. I can remember being so sad and angry when she made me cut my hair off after that,” I said a few tears rolled down my check. “Things just got worse from there and I just shut down, and did only that which I had to, to survive.”

Something clicked, as if almost a bell went off in my head somewhere. Things seemed to make sense now. Why this body felt right, why I had never complained about it onces, well the gender; it all clicked.

“Oh shit...Sorry,” I stated. “I get why being a girl doesn't bug me. Its because I am a girl.”

Doctor Vibes snickered playfully for a moment there. He said, “Forgive my laughter, I was wondering how long it would take you to put that together. We don't have many ponies who go through your particular circumstances here, but most of them do find some distraught over the change. That and there are those who choose to have such spells placed on themselves to feel better and more like themselves.”

“Does that make me weird?” I asked timidly. I didn't want to be shunned again. Not to have to hide for so long.

“No, its just a thing. I don't think anyone would care if you told them and you don't have to tell them either,” Doctor Vibes said. “Just do what makes you feel comfortable in this regards. Do you want to continue to talk about that or go back to history lessons?”

“Um, history,” I said. I turned my head and blushed a bit. “I think I need time for that to settle before we talk about it.”

“Fair enough,” Doctor Vibes said quietly. “Take your time.”

“Um, well after that middle school was fine, well till my dad left my step-mom in eighth grade, and well home life took a downturn from there,” I explained. “I hadn't ever seen them fight but based on what my step-mom told me, they must have had one hell of a fight. I left with my dad and my sister left with my mom. We moved over to the west coast, and I never saw either my step-mom or sister again.”

I paused for a second in my story. Memories flooded my head.

“I'll miss you,” Julie said to me as she hugged me. “Now be a good boy for your dad okay.”

She backed away from me and my sister hugged me and laughed, “See you twerp. Stay safe.”

My step-mom elbowed her gently. I quick flash of anger came over their faces as they looked each other in the eye. Julie's eyes lost their fight, but Sarah's didn't, the fire in them stilled burned. Dad grabbed my shoulder motioning us away from the cars.

“Love you, Twerp,” Sarah called out as we drove away. Julie was crying on Sarah's shoulder.

All Dad's face had in it was hate.

Shaking those times from my head, I said, “High-school was not my best period of life, but from that I met...Melody. I know I wouldn't have made it through High-school if not for her and her family. Mr Smith was more of a dad to me than Dad ever was, especially after the divorce, and Mrs Smith was always so welcoming. I..-”

Tears and gentle sobs interrupt my talking.

“So there I was,” Mr Smith said. His face alight with excitement from his story. “Neck deep in a river holding desperately onto my fishing pole, hoping to god that the line doesn't break, or that I don't slip.”

He paused for a second letting the laughter at his misfortune die down. Mrs Smith seemed the least entertained by the story, but mirth still plastered her face. I couldn't stop giggling, and Melody was busy covering her mouth, as laughter escaped her lips. Annabelle's face was bright red, a change from her usual pale complexion.

“I had managed to wrestle my way most of the way back up onto the shore,” Mr Smith continued. “And I am making allot of progress in reeling in the monster on the end of the line, when my pa comes up and he was like, 'Yer gonna break that rod if you pull any harder.' And as luck would have it what ever large fish had grabbed my catch decide in that moment that it wasn't worth it. So this half eaten fish maybe 6 inches long comes flying out of the water, to land flat on my dad's face. I don't think I had ever seen him so surprised before.”

We all roared at his punchline. I felt so at home, in my adopted family.

I shook the sorrow from my head and wiped my tears away. I continued, “I was so grateful for Melody's family, and well of Melody. She understood the pain of loosing my family, and she filled that hole that I had done so much to pretend wasn't there. Then during our junior year Melody's step-dad died from an heart attack. Mrs Smith was devastated, as was the rest of the family. Annabelle was only five at the time, I think she thought he was her dad. Melody sorta moved in with me after that, she and her mom were constantly arguing.”

“Well from there you know the rest,” I concluded. I sighed, and sniffed away the last remnants of my runny nose.

“Well I can tell we have a lot of discussions ahead of us,” Doctor Vibes stated. “What do you want to do now? Work on your breathing exercises or maybe talk some more?”

“Why don't we work on the breathing exercises.”

Doctor Vibes dismounted the chair and headed out the door. A few moments later he came back with a small music playing device. He set it to a relaxing chant and sat back down.

While he did so I reposition myself to better be able to focus. While I found these exercises hard to do they did seem to work. With the start of the music, I both thought and took a big breathe. In and out. For a while we sat there quite. My mind wandered for a bit but I did reign it back in after its short foray into the darkness.

“Well I think that's about all the time we have today,” Doctor Vibes said. “Do you think we had a successful meeting today?”

“More or less,” I replied as I stretched from my extended stay on the couch. We slowly walked back into the lobby.

Twilight got up from the chair; a magazine returning to the shelf while coating in her magenta aura. She smiled at me as the doctor came up to the desk.

“Same time, next week?” Doctor Vibes asked. A card floated into his view and he waited expectantly.

“That works for us,” Twilight said. “I will be the one dropping them off again. Lyra and Bon Bon are gonna still be on the vacation at that point.”

“Duly noted,” Doctor Vibes stated. “I shall see you next week then Lilac.”

“See you then,” I replied back dryly. I needed fresh air and maybe some sunlight and pleasantries were getting in the way of that. I tapped my hooves twice before heading out the door.

Twilight came following after, a perk in her step. She quickly caught up with me and nudged me gentle with her head against mine.

“Got stuff to do?” She asked playfully.

“No I just wanted to go,” I replied. “We did breathing exercises and those always get me itching to go do something. Twenty minutes of doing nothing is boring.”

“They are helping though,” Twilight rebueated. “Besides we have the whole day ahead of us now, and I have a surprise for you today.”

“Ooo,” I cooed. “What is it?”

“I finished Lyra's spell last night,” Twilight said excitedly. “We can open a view point now. I can't wait to see more of your world.”

“Well I don't mind telling you about it,” I replied coyly. “Though I guess showing you it would be better. When can you cast it?”

“As soon as we get home,” Twilight responded.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” I asked. I couldn't wait to show Twilight a few things that my explanations had fallen short. Somethings needed to be seen to be believed. “Teleport us home, please.”

“At your service,” Twilight joked back. A loud pop and we found ourselves in room in the castle.

The room had been preped for this it seemed. Twilight had two large crystals set near the edges of the walls half way down the room. A large matrix of circles and other geometric shapes were etched into the floor, conecting the two crystals in some arcane pattern. I didn't recognize any of the symbols.

Twilight had been teaching me some amount of higher spellwork, though at this point I had only master a small amount of theory. The best I had accomplished is teleporting an object across the room, a feat I was quite proud of. Sweetiebelle would join us in our sessions from time to time, and then we would work on slightly less difficult spells. Sweetie Belle was particularly good at color manipulation spells and sound manipulation spells. I how ever still seemed to have a knack of enchanting.

“So I put the circle down so I can have an emergency boost if needed and as a shut off valve if the spell grows out of control like it did last time,” Twilight explained. As she did so I saw the circles for drawing mana from the planet, a thing few ponies were capable of.

With out much ado, Twilight's horn started to glow. At first her normal magenta, but soon the blinding white of her more powerful alicorn magic. After a few seconds of concentration, Twilight's spell bore fruit. A large screen like holograph projected it self from the two crystals.

Inside the view port, a city block could be viewed. The normal buzz of a city seemed to be passing by on the block. In the center of the screen a dark haired child was curled up hiding next to a staircase. The world seemed to ignore her but something ate at me as we watched the world pass her. She seemed so familiar to me.
For a few hours, I explained the going ons in the picture to Twilight. The view refused to move, much to Twilight's annoyance. Twilight found the car's to be fascinating, citing their creative design.

After some time, the picture shifted a bit as the small dark haired child began to stir. And for the first time I got a good look at her face. Pain struck me immediately.

“Twilight, how much time has passed since I got here?” I asked coldly.

“Just under five months, why?” Twilight responded.

I scowled at her remark. Such a short time seemed to have changed so much. Guilt fought in my stomach again, setting it at ill ease.

“That's Annabelle,” I replied. “Melody's 'Sister'.”

Author's Note:

As always sorry for the delay on this one, life has a tendancy to get in my way. Chapter four is under production. Nanowrimo is starting up and so expect a good 50k more words for this story over the next month and a half. I have a feeling this one will be longer than the last one, but we shall see. Also as always I am sorry I suck at editing.