Write Club! A Multi-Prompt Compilation

by HapHazred

History: JMac

Different Tables, Much The Same

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A thousand years ago…

“The diamond dogs will hunt down all of the little ponies! And when the diamond dogs catch them we will feast!”

Princess Celestia looked across the conference table at the hulking diamond dog who was screaming at her, and smile sweetly. “Why, thank you, Chief Cujo. But that isn’t necessary. We are throwing this feast in honor of our peace conference. You don’t need to return the favor.”

Chief Cujo squinted at her. “Is the pretty little pony princess making fun of Chief Cujo? Chief Cujo can never tell for sure.”

Celestia smiled again. “I promise, Chief Cujo, you will never catch me making fun of you.”

“Oh, well, good,” grumbled Cujo. “So, what is this thing the ponies want Chief Cujo to sign?”

That would bring the number of those present here who are still confused about what we are doing to a grand total of one, thought Celestia. She understood, given how diamond dog packs fought for dominance, that the chief was always the biggest and strongest dog. But why was the chief also always the most stupid? Was stupidity and size genetically linked in diamond dogs? “I will explain again. We promise to leave you alone, if you will leave us alone. We are tired of these little skirmishes with your people and we want this to stop. This treaty will stop it.”
“Little ponies do not think war is fun? Chief Cujo thinks war could be lot’s of fun!”

“You have lost every time you have attacked us.”

“Well, yes…” Cujo actually gave Celestia ‘sad puppy eyes.’ “That does take most of the fun out of it…”

“We have many of your citizens in our detainment camps,” said Celestia. “We want very badly to return them to you.”

“Fine,” spat Cujo. “Then what does the pretty little pony princess want?”

“Very little,” answered Celestia. “Yet, very much. We want a treaty that will last. A treaty cannot last if either side resents it, and so we have done our best to give the diamond dogs nothing to resent. We demand no reparations, we do not want to punish you for attacking us. We have drawn a map of your territory. Little ponies will not mine, or even dig, within these borders. Little ponies may use the surface, but we may not build anything permanent there. We feel we have been fair. If the diamond dogs can think of any way the little ponies could be more fair then please tell us, and we will make adjustments.”

“You have given Chief Cujo a map that he cannot read!”

“But you have wise advisors who can read it,” Celestia pointed out. She indicated a trio of diamond dogs, their pelts shot with grey, to Cujo’s left. “We little ponies worked out the map with their aid. If you trust your own dogs you can trust me, Chief Cujo.”

“Harumph!” Chief Cujo sat back, crossed his arms and glared at Celestia.

So long as Celestia was standing and Cujo was seated, Celestia could look levelly into his eyes. “Please sign, Chief Cujo, so that we may get on with celebrating this peace treaty.”

“Well… Chief Cujo will think about it.” The diamond dog made a big show of stretching, and looking off into the distance.

Please, please, please! thought Celestia. I can go no further, I can give no more! I have done my best! Don’t you realize that if we fight a war to extinction with you, we will win?! “Would it help if I mentioned we sought peace first, Chief Cujo? On that ground, you may claim you won the war. That is what you may tell your children, and their children’s children.”

Cujo stopped stretching, sat up, and looked Celestia straight in the eyes. For the first time during the entire peace conference Cujo spoke frankly, and showed that he might take any of this seriously. “Diamond dog’s feelings for little ponies are… mixed. But Chief Cujo can say this. Chief Cujo has come to trust the pretty little pony princess. Chief Cujo agrees to put his paw print on this treaty.”

The peace conference tent erupted in cheers. Celestia smiled contentedly to herself.

#

999 years ago…

“Please forgive us,” said Celestia. “But I do not understand why this conference has been called.”

She looked over the portable conference table at the diamond dog representative. They were in a hastily assembled tent city, set up on what passed for level ground on the barren land over the diamond dog’s warrens. It was much like the first peace conference the little ponies had with the diamond dogs. Celestia had not deceived herself into believing that was the last such conference she would participate in, and she did not kid herself about this current conference being the last either. But she still did not understand what she was supposed to negotiate for now.

“It concerns the sirens,” said Baskerville, the diamond dog’s spokesdog. “We were never notified of their activity, and the diamond dogs are feeling a bit left out.”

Celestia nodded. “But the crisis is over, Mr. Baskerville. Starswirl the Bearded, has banished the sirens. All the damage the sirens have done is being repaired. Those harmed are being compensated. That is why I am confused. No diamond dogs were harmed and no diamond dog property was damaged. There is no need for repairs or compensation. What exactly is it that the diamond dogs want, Mr. Baskerville?”

“It is, as you say, Princess Celestia, all over,” replied Baskerville. “The sirens attempted to raise an enslaved army to conquer all Equestria. The diamond dogs missed the whole thing. This saddens us, as the siren’s plan actually strikes us as a whole lot of fun! Our Chief asks, on behalf of all the dogs in the pack, is there no way the sirens could be called back for a short while so that we may be included?”

“Oh,” muttered Celestia. She signaled one of her stewards to please bring more tea. She sensed this was going to take a while.

#

Ninety years ago…

“Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Jones,” said Celestia. “I do not wish to appear inflexible. But the new little pony settlement at Ponyville is outside your treaty borders. Your tunnels under the town are a clear violation.”

“I understand,” replied the diamond dog representative. “And I hope you know, Princess, that the diamond dogs know and appreciate how all your past dealings with us have been characterized by your flexibility. But we are very curious about the ponies of Ponyville.”

“And so you have tunneled into the foundation of their new town hall? Can’t you satisfy your curiosity by watching the ponies from the bushes? I cannot allow you into their basements. This is a privacy issue, Mr. Jones.”

The diamond dog smiled. “We will do our best to accommodate your citizens, Princess Celestia.”

#

Three years ago…

“Please forgive me,” said Princess Celestia. “But I do not understand why this conference has been called.”

“It is about Discord and his chaos storms, Princess,” answered the diamond dog.

“But Discord has been dealt with, all damage has been repaired, and anyone affected has been compensated. It all happened on the surface, and so there is nothing the diamond dogs own to be repaired, and no diamond dog to be compensated. What is the problem, Mr. Rover?”

“The diamond dogs were never told of Discord’s activities, and it was all over before we knew,” said Rover. “We feel left out. The chaos storms sound like a lot of fun! Could Discord be freed for a while, so that diamond dogs could enjoy him?”

“Oh,” muttered Celestia. She signaled a steward for more tea, as she sensed this might take a while. Then inspiration struck her. “Mr. Rover, could we adjourn while we add a local pony to this conference? We could send a messenger to Rarity and have her join us…”

“Rarity!!!”

The conference was over seconds later.

#

Today…

Princess Celestia was once again in a tent on the barrens over the diamond dog warrens, facing the diamond dog’s representative. She was arbitrating a labor dispute for a group of unicorns who had been contracted to magically find gems for the dogs.

“Your little ponies want twenty-five percent of all finds,” said Ambassador Indy. “This is too much. But they will not take the five percent the diamond dogs offer.”

“Make it ten percent, Mr. Ambassador,” said Celestia. “But the unicorns may take their share from first pick of any find.”

Indy’s face lit up. “Excellent! An excellent compromise. Diamond dogs prefer quantity, ponies prefer quality, and this will make everyone happy! Princess Celestia is brilliant. But then, we are not at her first conference table, are we?”

“You have no idea.”

Author's Note:

This story is written by JMac. We strongly recommend you check him out!

Comments

[survivor]

Nice tricks Celestia.