Just saying: I've seen WAY too many "original characters" with the red and black color scheme ESPECIALLY ones that are alicorns...

569542
*ahem* allow me.
oi45.tinypic.com/2zyaib9.jpg

569542 That's why I have an orriginal orriginal charecter

img.ponibooru.org/_images/78f1088b165a904c6f49a93607786d3a/134567%20-%20Alicorn%20artist%3Abaltomutt%20lauren_faust%20oc.jpg

569542
look, i'm not saying that you dont have your place to judge but i'm fairly new to everything and i like the black and red scheme, but you're judging a book by its cover, just because i have an "original character" thats black and red doesnt mean you have any right to be mean about it, i'm just saying, just because there's too many doesnt mean that each person didn't try to make it look theirs. i put a lot of time into making my OC and everything came out this way and i'm sticking with it, so please, just be kind with your words

569659
We don't have a vendetta against you, but when you spend a deal of time reading one OC fic after another, one almost exactly similar in plot and feel, you tend to be on edge over the whole thing and have VERY little tolerance.

You can judge a book by it's cover if the book is abook of covers

Basic generic HiM with sad-loner depressed brony who goes to Equestria and randomly ends up befriending Mane 6 and landing coincidentlly in Ponyville

569727 Don't forget, he also romances Luna. One of the princesses. Now, I wouldn't mind this. But, it happens awfully quick. A bit too fast, if I may say.

Then again, if this is the only chapter... Well, hm. I have no idea what to say. I don't wish to be too rude.

569737

Yea OC x Princess is pretty far-fetched

The fic itself has many flaws (both grammatical and spelling, as well as the concept itself being flawed).

Just a heads up, any fic where the main character is an OC Alicorn will receive a ton of hate. Usually well deserved hate too. It doesn't help that yours fits the exact description of a copy-pasta terrible OC.

When it comes to stories, here's a tip. Try not to mess with the canon. That means no "Dash's secret brother", no Cult of Dark Assasins and NO MARY-SUES. An extra Alicorn is a doozy. Seriously, we've only got 3 confirmed in the entire canon.

TL;DR Generically-bad fic is generically-bad. Mistakes aplenty, and OC Alicorns are all kinds of wrong.

Edit: Also, the fact that your description is poorly spelt is a really bad sign.

569717 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applejack.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

Let's see:

You have an alicorn OC. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

This is labeled as mature.

This is also labeled as a romance.

Luna and Nightmare Moon are in the tags.

It's a HiE story. Not a bad thing, but makes it kinda predictable.

Your OC is black and red, like 85% of all OC's.

Your OC looks the same as your Avatar.

The chapter is 12,000 words. Not everyone wants to read that much in one sitting.

Can you see why you have so many down votes?

569542:
*sees own OC, sees that it is also Black and Red*
Me: Le Gasp
*changes into form 2, Black and Yellow*
*Looks for other OC' with same color scheme, sees none/not that many*
Me: PHEW!
YAY!
XD

569843 --Gives Dark Lightning a hug--

569858:
*hugs back*
Me: By the way....No Homo.
:D

569862 sure

569754 hm. Black and red. Does this Count on dragon characters too? It's no Alicorn or Pony in general. and I've not found a dragon in site as an OC.

569542 Hoping this doesnt poke at my dragon OC either. Even if he's just a recolor of Lucien from "Dragonshy". Could'nt draw for the life of me. If I could, probably would do this avi justice, as my oc too.

Of course, My OC isnt black and red, this is just an avatar. Mine's a Unicorn. Might post it to see if he's worthy of being called "Original".

569932 Dragon OC's are rare, so are griffins, etc ( a changeling OC would be kinda pointless, since they can shape-shift). It's actually a nice change of pace. And isn't there a few red dragons on the show already?

I like your crown, by the way.

rlv.zcache.com/do_not_want_massimo_does_not_want_poster-r993794996bf747a5afeaeec480a47b8a_tvw_400.jpg

569953 Really? Danke! It goes with the whole "Emperor" Display I got goin' on with my own fans of my fic and OC. Funny to say, I got a griffon too. XD

EDIT: Yes, there are dragons that are red, but not THIS sorta red. kind of a different hue. The dragon you're thinking of is fan-named "Lucien" that appeared on "Dragonshy" and "Dragon Quest".

Well setting your OC pony aside for the while, Its the Bio that counts. It seems that the sudden Luna love interest was rush like all hell. if you ever decide to rewrite this chapter, develop the circumstances that made this relationship happen. Also this is the first Scotsman that ive seen in a HIE fanfic so point to you comrade. This will be disliked just because of your OC for a little while, but once the story gets em then everything will even out. Keep up the good work and ill be waiting for the next chapter.

This has been done SO MANY TIMES.

Sure it's been done before. Doesn't automatically make it a bad thing.
Thumbs up for dealing with these guys.

570451
you see people, this is how you write a damn comment, all i thought was that i had a nice simple story, i incorperated my chara into it in the second chapter and i'm just rethinking everything, i though SOME poeple still had manners like this guy does, and honestly i didnt know that there are tons of black/red OC's so i've made MY one, MY WAY, although he's a pony form AND an OC i've gave him a back-story anyways. i can understand very few of you, but most of you just go ahead and say "OH, look a black and red character, this guy must be a retard, i better hurry and downvote it, if he has a black and red character his story will be shit anyways" but in all honestly, do yourselves a favour and dont bother touching the damn button, if you're downvoting because of a stupid charcter then whats the point of even making one? and a lot of thses guys here are sick and tired of the things people write and all i can say is, IT'S THEIR BUCKING STORY, IT'S WHAT THEY WANT TO WRITE SO LAY OFF. and i know the luna romance is rushed, but i tried my best to extend it, i kept writing and did what i did, nothing more nothing less, and if anyone bothers even reading this, then dont bother commenting unless its nice or unrelated to me and my story

569754
lets see, what does common sense say when there's something we dont want to do, oh yeah, ignore it? dont bother reading it? leave the guy alone? all i can say is i dont know much about the comunity such as the likes of the "85%" of red and black OC's i made my chara the way wanted to, i tried coming up with different colour schemes but i didnt like any of them, those were the only colours that worked with me and I did the best i could with it, because hey, it's MY character. and yes, i can plainly see how, but not why, just because of a simple cover picture of a black and red Alicorn? look, i'm not meaning any of this in any tones of sarcasm or rudeness, but all i can say is i thought some people appreciate long stories, and thats what i've done and wanted to do, just because its that long and it has a stupid black and red chara, doesnt give anyone any right to just downvote it. all i thought by puting this on here was "Hey, why dont i just put this up, its a brony website, i'm sure they'll try to be nice with their words" but oh how wrong have i been proven, i've only had a few favs in the few hours that this has been up, giving me very little encouragement. i only wanted people to read this if they wanted to, not downvote spam me till its taken off, which i would do right now if not for the few favourites. all i wanted was to put up a harmless story with my ideas and my character, nothing more and nothing less, is that too much to ask for? is it too much to just ask people that WANT to, to read and not judge? i mean i havent even seen or bothered looking up to see about red and black OC's...i just want people to read my story for what it is, a STORY. so please, please, just be kind or be quiet

569705
i understand that, but i've put a lot of time into this story and seeing people downvote it just because of a character saddens me. i mean come on. its just a character, nothing more, its not like the world is going to end if another one is made. i just recently made this story and have had very few reviews from fanfiction.net and i actually got up the courage to put it on here because i thought people would read it and give me nice reviews cause of how large the site is. but this many downvotes JUST because of my chara is saddening and i'm rethinking ever puting it on here, but only rethinking, i've had a few favs from people who actualy read it and just for them i'm not gonna take it off

Why are there so many dislikes? I actually liked this story quite a bit. As a sophisticated person once said, "This is relevant to my interests."

571945
apparently its just for the fact that i have a red and black Alicorn Character as my cover picture, i dont even think those that downvoted actually read my story, when i got the notificaion on here i was literaly crossing my fingers hoping it was a nice comment, only had two (including yours) nicely worded ones so far, everything else is rage, dissaprovel and hate

571953 Yeah, as the saying goes; "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I go by that saying. I will always speak nicely to others, and always truthfully too! So... Eeyup.

571975
TT^TT finally, someone who understands, all i've been getting was hate and i was begining to think of thaking this off, but then again, i wasnt going to anyways thanks to the few favs that i have on here and if you want to read the next two chapters you can find this on fanfiction.net i have it on there too, i've had a few subs and favs there too, and thankfully there's been no rage what-so-ever, its like thats more brony than this, i mean seriously, love & tolerate

571982 well i for one love the fic, all those shitheads that wanna complain about an original oc then go fuck yourself, so what if he's original, i'd say if its a good fiction, which it is in my opinion, then it doesnt matter what his portrait is, so all you haters... read these words carefully
if you dont like the comment, dont say... and dont judge a book by its cover... cuz if you do...: YOU DONT DESERVE TO GO TO EQUESTRIA, and yes i fucking said it, stop being biased assholes and read. dont like it, eat a bag of dicks and die in hell, im sick of it
very nice fic dude, cant wait for next chapter

571866 Thanks for putting me on top of a pedestal like that.

Great story! The OC's good, really. I'm not a red and black though, mass hater crowd. Brown and Blue 'tis mine. No name though. but still, I liked this story, Keep it up!

569947 If it's a dragon, then any color for it's fine. Because there's no dragon OC.

I dont care what other people say i like it

Look. I didn't downvote it because of your OC. I downvoted it because, well unlike most downvoters, I actually READ your story and...I didn't like it.

578915
well then, i'm sorry for jumping to it like that, everything just got to me, i mean, its my first mlp fic and i did what i could, i respect your honesty in just saying you didnt like it. and again i'm sorry

578996 don't be sorry. I understand that you didn't like what I had said and I, too, apologize for my somewhat rude review of your character and story.

The father of time frowns at the thumbs downs.

What the fuck?

Fucking haters!

It's his first damn fic respect him just as you want others to kindly respect yours when finally start one FUCK!

I read the whole thing, I found Luna overused, but use with right precision and well made reason. You had those two, fuck the grammer and punctuation, I like the story regardless. You author EARN YOURSELF A THUMBS UP IN CAPATALIZE LETTERS

583650
well thank you again time father, i really appreciate that you like my story , and you said plenty of wise words to haters, and also, i mean seriously? what are bronies suppoused to be about and what is our motto? LOVE & TOLERATE

Its okay, Just a few writing errors. Also... i.qkme.me/2cx0.jpg

585235No prob bro

note i think the story is really funny and dont pay attention to assholes that complain because some thing is over used
in other words keep up the good work just fix your words.

Ok, let's see how it goes, from chapter to chapter.
First thing first. Backstory of ross.
although its fairly common to see the unhappy kind of backstory, it does it's job nicely in this chapter, while keeping said backstory a big mysteri,
The premise
Straight to the point with it, nothing spectacular but does get the attention

The characters.
I see some inconstances with the characters. But taking in account this is your story, and the way how you want to them be developed, and also read my bio thy shadow of honor or you won't know to what I am comparing "characters" from
My thoughs
It's a good start, and frankly I find this story entertaining, and I will track it, keep up the work honor
That's all for now. I will post this kind of comments after I finish reading the chapter

I like this story very much I love it.